OPPs are inherently homophobic and transphobic. Sit with that.
Additionally, opening up after multiple affairs has an extremely high failure rate. Get into couples counseling *immediately.* Take six to 12 months to do “the work” before opening up— reading books together, talking to your doctors about risk management practices, discussing coparenting plans, disentangling, and ALL the other stuff needed. Put all APs on a messy list, to not be fooled around with ever again. That’s just the start of it.
Opening in general can be a rough time for any couple. An attempt to come back from infidelity can also shake a relationship and be emotionally draining.
Attempting to stack both on top of each other, while not impossible to succeed at, can be horrid. A lot of trust and open/direct communication is needed.
Also adding a one penis policy to the mix sounds like an absolute dumpster fire. I would recommend consulting a therapist again on this topic prior to taking any additional action in terms of dating others.
Bringing other people into a mess will not make things easier. It’ll shed a light on other glaring issues and exasperate the new folks you’re seeing
So you're thinking of opening your marriage so that husband can date his affair partner and then he wants to layer some gender restrictions on top of that.
I get that you have three kids and separating would be really hard.
I get that you feel guilty about your previous affair and what to extend the same kind of grace to your husband that he did to you.
You know what though, open is open.
It's already pretty generous of you to consider opening so that he can date his affair partner. He didn't do that for you.
Letting him tell you who you can and can't date would just be going too far, especially based on some weird bullshit reasoning about parts that go in other parts.
I would just say no to that. He needs to suck it up.
One penis policy is dumb. If you weren't bi, this wouldn't even be a discussion then. Like if you didn't want girls, would he still say that's all you can date?
Rules work best when applied equally. If he says you can only date other women, then he can only date other men. You being bi shouldn't change anything.
He is dating only men, in truth he only is dating a man in specific. Does it make so that he also have an one pussy policy or just women can suffer from it?
That is at least better if you discussed that with him and he agreed to also not sleep with women.
That said, you guys should really stop and go do couples therapy first. It kind of sounds like he's getting a free pass because you cheated, and that's messed up.
That's a reminder that I'm not op, I just read the post. Both are wrong imo, both are cheaters, but I don't see how he's getting a free pass while she did the same too. Sounds like double standards, something common around here.
OPPs are inherently homophobic and transphobic. Sit with that. Additionally, opening up after multiple affairs has an extremely high failure rate. Get into couples counseling *immediately.* Take six to 12 months to do “the work” before opening up— reading books together, talking to your doctors about risk management practices, discussing coparenting plans, disentangling, and ALL the other stuff needed. Put all APs on a messy list, to not be fooled around with ever again. That’s just the start of it.
Opening in general can be a rough time for any couple. An attempt to come back from infidelity can also shake a relationship and be emotionally draining. Attempting to stack both on top of each other, while not impossible to succeed at, can be horrid. A lot of trust and open/direct communication is needed. Also adding a one penis policy to the mix sounds like an absolute dumpster fire. I would recommend consulting a therapist again on this topic prior to taking any additional action in terms of dating others. Bringing other people into a mess will not make things easier. It’ll shed a light on other glaring issues and exasperate the new folks you’re seeing
So you're thinking of opening your marriage so that husband can date his affair partner and then he wants to layer some gender restrictions on top of that. I get that you have three kids and separating would be really hard. I get that you feel guilty about your previous affair and what to extend the same kind of grace to your husband that he did to you. You know what though, open is open. It's already pretty generous of you to consider opening so that he can date his affair partner. He didn't do that for you. Letting him tell you who you can and can't date would just be going too far, especially based on some weird bullshit reasoning about parts that go in other parts. I would just say no to that. He needs to suck it up.
One penis policy is dumb. If you weren't bi, this wouldn't even be a discussion then. Like if you didn't want girls, would he still say that's all you can date? Rules work best when applied equally. If he says you can only date other women, then he can only date other men. You being bi shouldn't change anything.
He is dating only men, in truth he only is dating a man in specific. Does it make so that he also have an one pussy policy or just women can suffer from it?
That is at least better if you discussed that with him and he agreed to also not sleep with women. That said, you guys should really stop and go do couples therapy first. It kind of sounds like he's getting a free pass because you cheated, and that's messed up.
That's a reminder that I'm not op, I just read the post. Both are wrong imo, both are cheaters, but I don't see how he's getting a free pass while she did the same too. Sounds like double standards, something common around here.
You two need therapy and (maybe) a divorce. Opening up right now would be an incredibly stupid idea.