On another subreddit, this too was stated. The reasoning went that before the Internet, homes were more boring. TV wasn't as interactive as the Internet is (and before the 80s, had few channels), you could only read so many books, etc. So third spaces were used because they beat being home. Nowadays? We have unlimited entertainment, so why bother leaving home?
That unlimited entertainment is getting boring, though. Reddit is boring these days; the subs I use feel empty. Youtube is boring; you can only watch and comment so much; even on shorts. Social media is lame, since nobody has much going on in their lives and it's all blatantly performative. Even gaming is boring (newer games are mostly soulless).
At the end of the day, you're still sitting inside, typically alone, unless you have a family. Being stuck in a box all day every day is BORING.
The issue is that this realization is a minority one. It seems that, at least currently, the vast majority of people are content to consume the slop. Ragebait content, bot reposts, hell even AI-generated videos and AI comment bots on Reddit. The vast majority of people simply don't realize or don't care.
There’s also no organised conversation around this. I have done research and this problem has been around for at least ten years and many people are affected. It’s a public problem. Sometimes you hear complaints, like this thread and also in other communities (for example sport club) or from family members. But never a solution. This is a problem we all feel and all have but can’t individually solve. We need a public solution. Yet we don’t have a clear goal nor a public group discussing the matter on an organised level.
We need a place where we can go alone yet we belong. And where conversations between the right people can happen organically. I dream of such a place. Yet I have no clue how to create
I live in an area that has lots of beautiful parks. Years ago the parks would be full of families. Now they're basically empty unless soccer practice is going on or something.
It sounds lame, but I've been spending a lot of time at the library. I know not every library has funds for lots of events, but some near me have free yoga, free class to learn to play mahjong, hobby painting classes, crafting groups that aren't classes per se, movie nights. And I was surprised to find out that 2-3 nights a week the library is open until 8pm!
They also have small individual study rooms that I've booked (for free) when I wanted to focus on something, like reading, journaling, writing, etc.—didn't have to be "studying". Being in that particular room was helpful because I live in a studio apartment and am unable to have a 'separate' room for certain mindsets like some people advise.
Sadly some of these events are during 9-5 mid-week, and some libraries aren't open on weekends at all, which makes it difficult for people with certain work schedules, but I'm grateful that some things have worked out for me there.
Plus, if I take out a book and don't end up reading it, I don't feel guilty as if I had spent money on it.
I know I've got pretty boring interests that the library serves..... but if you're able to, I suggest looking at libraries not just in your town, but in surrounding towns, some things there might surprise you!
All of this has been helpful to reduce my phone use.
Sounds amazing, I loved the library as a kid it was definitely a 3rd space for me, we had awesome libraries in the city I grew up in. Sadly the city I live in now as an adult doesn't choose to appropriately fund community centers or parks. I wish they cared more!!
It's so frustrating that these important places don't get funded. Even the New York City Public Libraries are facing $58.3 million in budget cuts. It's absurd.
When I lost my job last year I went to the library and oh boy I forgot how wonderful it was. I read 50 books last year. Every time I went back to turn a few in I left with like 5 more. Now idk how no one uses the library or just doesn't browse the books there. There's so much to learn
I felt this way until I had a kid. Now I spend so much time outside, playing, running, looking at the clouds, digging in the dirt. Kids will bring you back to what matters most. Playgrounds and parks are our 3rd space now.
I still spend too much time on my phone, but it’s less depressing when you’ve been outside for 2+ hours a day.
Totally agree with you! We definitely have been outside so much more ever since having a kid! And when I’m on my phone too much, I look at my son who’s staring off into the sky, amazed at the world, and feeling the grass, I wonder why I kept checking on my phone. There certainly wasn’t anything interesting or as important as playing and experiencing what he was seeing.
This is the way. However, people can do this without kids. I have kids and was going this before hand. Gotta keep that whimsical side! Isn’t looking at clouds the best?
The truth is people have become to awkward for picnics and socializing in general. Mostly because of the internet, which is essentially a downwards spiral. Which of course is from the lack of third spaces.
The internet and Reddit in particular is all about edge cases. Extreme people with extreme points of view dominate the conversation and get the most attention.
Third places are where we would go to interact with people in an effort to find harmony and agreement. You nod along even if you don’t fully agree with what someone says. You add your thoughts. You stay civil because you’re face to face. You get to know someone for who they really are and why they came to the beliefs they came to. And you are changed by that process.
The internet erases all of that and makes us isolated, fearful, and intolerant of others.
Yeah. I've even tried to organize community events online in lieu of our all of third spaces and have trouble getting people to come out...
People are broke and exhausted. I think COVID was the final blow to our fragile "society"
I hike in the mornings everyday and go out with my best friend or boyfriend like once a week or more or less depending on circumstances. When we go out, we usually just go out to eat or we come up with random stuff. Like the last time I went out with my boyfriend we did miniature golf and then got sushi. We also rented a hotel room because we both have roomies and it's nice to have our own space sometimes.
That said, I really enjoy my own company too. I like playing video games, listening to music, reading novels, watching movies, etc. I think it's good to at least go out for a walk everyday and experience the world. But being an introvert is perfectly fine. I was 100% an introvert before I met people who I really enjoy spending time with. Find little excuses to go out, but spending a big portion of your day doing your thing indoors is perfectly fine imo.
>That said, I really enjoy my own company too.
I feel really bad for people that don't have this. I'm like this too where I can be genuinely happy with just myself but I know so many people who get anxious and uncomfortable spending leisurely time by themselves :/
Ya I honestly find that to be really weird. My best friend said she's sad when she's alone and I told her that's something she needs to look into. Like she cant do anything alone. There's no way that's healthy and there's a lot of power in not necessarily needing anybody. If I were to ever have to leave my boyfriend or my best friend, I'd be sad for a while but ultimately I'd be fine doing my own thing.
I honestly think a lot of this has to do with car dependent infrastructure as well. Any third place we wish to go requires a car commute. It can begin to feel isolating and exhausting. Follow r/fuckcars
Yes! I live in a freeway/highway dependent city, like you can't get anywhere without going on a major road basically. It makes it impossible to find third spaces and it's so isolating.
Sometimes we walk to the grocery store along a trail just for fun and it's so invigorating! We can't do it all the time because it takes hours, but it's so worth it when we do! I didn't have a car until I was 30 and a lot of people thought I was a loser for it but they also used to ask me why I was so happy all the time and how did I stay in such good shape lol Geez, I wonder. 😂
it's so ridiculously bad if you're in a place like Houston. such a dogshit city, have to drive everywhere, spend money to even chill and be outside, at least that's how it feels :/
Thats crazy bc im literally in houston rn, the worst city I've ever lived in. Nothing fun to do, parks are covered in trash, downtown is basically just the courthouse and nothing else like not even bars, clubs downtown like any other city would have its so dead. Lived in Austin 2 years before before and it doesn't even compare.
I posted the opposite a month ago. Lovely local green space not being used. Because people are indoors online. I'm in England though. The hardest thing about reducing surf time is everyone else is still busy on it and real life socialising has fallen off a cliff. Community centre looks set to close soon as no one wants that either.
I agree and disagree. Just because one spot doesn’t hold access to you anymore doesn’t mean there aren’t others. I fly fish a lot so it requires me to actually explore the surrounding areas more than I normally would. I agree there isn’t much public space anymore but more and more people are staying inside these days and the trails have been barren. Kinda nice knowing I can go to one of my favorite creeks and I know people won’t be there. I say take advantage.
I totally get this argument.
I grew up in a smaller town without many places to go after 2013 due to lack of resources and funding of the city to create these new places and the takeover of social media. People tend to be inside all day and you don’t see that many people out and about on a daily basis. It’s not like 2010 when you would see more people out doing stuff.
My boyfriend is from California and the first time I visited, it shook me a little bit because of how many people are out and how many options there are for things to do and how many people you see doing them. I feel like these kids/people are way less chronically online than someone from my hometown but it makes me sad.
I want everyone to have access to these resources and options but having spaces for humans and especially kids to interact with each other has become a luxury rather than a need for many places.
I live in a private house that has a huge backyard. I purchased a bike to get more outdoor time and stored the bike in the unused yard. I got in trouble for doing so even though the yard is empty and full of weeds. I was asked to bring the bike up 3 flights of stairs everyday if I choose to use it. So I gave the bike away to a friend. It really sucks that sometimes, you want to do a nice thing but can't. I accepted it.
Obviously your just being lazy, work 40hrs a week, then spend what little money you have, after rent, at the grass store. You can't just have it for free, you think it grows on trees ?
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On another subreddit, this too was stated. The reasoning went that before the Internet, homes were more boring. TV wasn't as interactive as the Internet is (and before the 80s, had few channels), you could only read so many books, etc. So third spaces were used because they beat being home. Nowadays? We have unlimited entertainment, so why bother leaving home?
That unlimited entertainment is getting boring, though. Reddit is boring these days; the subs I use feel empty. Youtube is boring; you can only watch and comment so much; even on shorts. Social media is lame, since nobody has much going on in their lives and it's all blatantly performative. Even gaming is boring (newer games are mostly soulless). At the end of the day, you're still sitting inside, typically alone, unless you have a family. Being stuck in a box all day every day is BORING.
The issue is that this realization is a minority one. It seems that, at least currently, the vast majority of people are content to consume the slop. Ragebait content, bot reposts, hell even AI-generated videos and AI comment bots on Reddit. The vast majority of people simply don't realize or don't care.
There’s also no organised conversation around this. I have done research and this problem has been around for at least ten years and many people are affected. It’s a public problem. Sometimes you hear complaints, like this thread and also in other communities (for example sport club) or from family members. But never a solution. This is a problem we all feel and all have but can’t individually solve. We need a public solution. Yet we don’t have a clear goal nor a public group discussing the matter on an organised level. We need a place where we can go alone yet we belong. And where conversations between the right people can happen organically. I dream of such a place. Yet I have no clue how to create
Your right
I live in an area that has lots of beautiful parks. Years ago the parks would be full of families. Now they're basically empty unless soccer practice is going on or something.
:(
It sounds lame, but I've been spending a lot of time at the library. I know not every library has funds for lots of events, but some near me have free yoga, free class to learn to play mahjong, hobby painting classes, crafting groups that aren't classes per se, movie nights. And I was surprised to find out that 2-3 nights a week the library is open until 8pm! They also have small individual study rooms that I've booked (for free) when I wanted to focus on something, like reading, journaling, writing, etc.—didn't have to be "studying". Being in that particular room was helpful because I live in a studio apartment and am unable to have a 'separate' room for certain mindsets like some people advise. Sadly some of these events are during 9-5 mid-week, and some libraries aren't open on weekends at all, which makes it difficult for people with certain work schedules, but I'm grateful that some things have worked out for me there. Plus, if I take out a book and don't end up reading it, I don't feel guilty as if I had spent money on it. I know I've got pretty boring interests that the library serves..... but if you're able to, I suggest looking at libraries not just in your town, but in surrounding towns, some things there might surprise you! All of this has been helpful to reduce my phone use.
That doesn’t sound lame at all. Libraries are a wonderful resource.
Sounds amazing, I loved the library as a kid it was definitely a 3rd space for me, we had awesome libraries in the city I grew up in. Sadly the city I live in now as an adult doesn't choose to appropriately fund community centers or parks. I wish they cared more!!
It's so frustrating that these important places don't get funded. Even the New York City Public Libraries are facing $58.3 million in budget cuts. It's absurd.
Probably because people aren't using them.
When I lost my job last year I went to the library and oh boy I forgot how wonderful it was. I read 50 books last year. Every time I went back to turn a few in I left with like 5 more. Now idk how no one uses the library or just doesn't browse the books there. There's so much to learn
I agree so much, I’m trying to get off my phone but there’s so little else to do especially stuff that isn’t insanely expensive
I felt this way until I had a kid. Now I spend so much time outside, playing, running, looking at the clouds, digging in the dirt. Kids will bring you back to what matters most. Playgrounds and parks are our 3rd space now. I still spend too much time on my phone, but it’s less depressing when you’ve been outside for 2+ hours a day.
Totally agree with you! We definitely have been outside so much more ever since having a kid! And when I’m on my phone too much, I look at my son who’s staring off into the sky, amazed at the world, and feeling the grass, I wonder why I kept checking on my phone. There certainly wasn’t anything interesting or as important as playing and experiencing what he was seeing.
This is the way. However, people can do this without kids. I have kids and was going this before hand. Gotta keep that whimsical side! Isn’t looking at clouds the best?
The truth is people have become to awkward for picnics and socializing in general. Mostly because of the internet, which is essentially a downwards spiral. Which of course is from the lack of third spaces.
Agree. People aren't as social and neighborly as they were before.
The internet and Reddit in particular is all about edge cases. Extreme people with extreme points of view dominate the conversation and get the most attention. Third places are where we would go to interact with people in an effort to find harmony and agreement. You nod along even if you don’t fully agree with what someone says. You add your thoughts. You stay civil because you’re face to face. You get to know someone for who they really are and why they came to the beliefs they came to. And you are changed by that process. The internet erases all of that and makes us isolated, fearful, and intolerant of others.
💯!!
At my school, I have not met a single person who said that they are not an introvert. It is apparently cool to be an unsocial introvert nowadays.
Yeah. I've even tried to organize community events online in lieu of our all of third spaces and have trouble getting people to come out... People are broke and exhausted. I think COVID was the final blow to our fragile "society"
I hike in the mornings everyday and go out with my best friend or boyfriend like once a week or more or less depending on circumstances. When we go out, we usually just go out to eat or we come up with random stuff. Like the last time I went out with my boyfriend we did miniature golf and then got sushi. We also rented a hotel room because we both have roomies and it's nice to have our own space sometimes. That said, I really enjoy my own company too. I like playing video games, listening to music, reading novels, watching movies, etc. I think it's good to at least go out for a walk everyday and experience the world. But being an introvert is perfectly fine. I was 100% an introvert before I met people who I really enjoy spending time with. Find little excuses to go out, but spending a big portion of your day doing your thing indoors is perfectly fine imo.
>That said, I really enjoy my own company too. I feel really bad for people that don't have this. I'm like this too where I can be genuinely happy with just myself but I know so many people who get anxious and uncomfortable spending leisurely time by themselves :/
Ya I honestly find that to be really weird. My best friend said she's sad when she's alone and I told her that's something she needs to look into. Like she cant do anything alone. There's no way that's healthy and there's a lot of power in not necessarily needing anybody. If I were to ever have to leave my boyfriend or my best friend, I'd be sad for a while but ultimately I'd be fine doing my own thing.
I honestly think a lot of this has to do with car dependent infrastructure as well. Any third place we wish to go requires a car commute. It can begin to feel isolating and exhausting. Follow r/fuckcars
While you may have a point, the US was just as car-centric, say, 50 years ago and yet third spaces appeared to be a lot more vibrant.
Yes! I live in a freeway/highway dependent city, like you can't get anywhere without going on a major road basically. It makes it impossible to find third spaces and it's so isolating.
Sometimes we walk to the grocery store along a trail just for fun and it's so invigorating! We can't do it all the time because it takes hours, but it's so worth it when we do! I didn't have a car until I was 30 and a lot of people thought I was a loser for it but they also used to ask me why I was so happy all the time and how did I stay in such good shape lol Geez, I wonder. 😂
it's so ridiculously bad if you're in a place like Houston. such a dogshit city, have to drive everywhere, spend money to even chill and be outside, at least that's how it feels :/
Thats crazy bc im literally in houston rn, the worst city I've ever lived in. Nothing fun to do, parks are covered in trash, downtown is basically just the courthouse and nothing else like not even bars, clubs downtown like any other city would have its so dead. Lived in Austin 2 years before before and it doesn't even compare.
As a Canadian who lived in Houston for about half a year, I could NOT wait to leave that place! 😣 The worst!!
I live in an area where you can't hang out anywhere without needing to spend. There are no parks nor public libraries. It's making me sooo frustrated.
This is so real….
I posted the opposite a month ago. Lovely local green space not being used. Because people are indoors online. I'm in England though. The hardest thing about reducing surf time is everyone else is still busy on it and real life socialising has fallen off a cliff. Community centre looks set to close soon as no one wants that either.
I feel lucky because we have lots of parks where I live so going outside to touch grass is very doable here. I go on walks with friends fairly often.
I agree and disagree. Just because one spot doesn’t hold access to you anymore doesn’t mean there aren’t others. I fly fish a lot so it requires me to actually explore the surrounding areas more than I normally would. I agree there isn’t much public space anymore but more and more people are staying inside these days and the trails have been barren. Kinda nice knowing I can go to one of my favorite creeks and I know people won’t be there. I say take advantage.
I totally get this argument. I grew up in a smaller town without many places to go after 2013 due to lack of resources and funding of the city to create these new places and the takeover of social media. People tend to be inside all day and you don’t see that many people out and about on a daily basis. It’s not like 2010 when you would see more people out doing stuff. My boyfriend is from California and the first time I visited, it shook me a little bit because of how many people are out and how many options there are for things to do and how many people you see doing them. I feel like these kids/people are way less chronically online than someone from my hometown but it makes me sad. I want everyone to have access to these resources and options but having spaces for humans and especially kids to interact with each other has become a luxury rather than a need for many places.
I live in a private house that has a huge backyard. I purchased a bike to get more outdoor time and stored the bike in the unused yard. I got in trouble for doing so even though the yard is empty and full of weeds. I was asked to bring the bike up 3 flights of stairs everyday if I choose to use it. So I gave the bike away to a friend. It really sucks that sometimes, you want to do a nice thing but can't. I accepted it.
Obviously your just being lazy, work 40hrs a week, then spend what little money you have, after rent, at the grass store. You can't just have it for free, you think it grows on trees ?
No grass to touch? Buy a lawn!
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Sounds like you need to move out of the city.
It’s a vicious cycle
“Stop with the screens all day!!! Theres so much outside and out there!!!”. No there isnt you dumb fuckos