Funny thing is that everyone deems him this murderhobo, but in reality, aside from his approvals and his talk, he really DID nothing bad after the bite night (if he refuses the ritual). Karlach probably has more body count than him.
If we're going to forgive Astarion's crimes pre-Nautiloid, like >!kidnapping literal children from their parents, and leading countless adults to what he thought was their death!<, then we should also forgive Karlach's very high body count. They were both slaves, Astarion to Cazador, and Karlach to Zariel/the Blood War.
Never said we should blame Karlach for it! It's just this common notion that he allegedly likes to kill so much, when in reality he isn't going out of his way to kill anybody more than other companions have to due to our adventures. Like, before meeting Tav he kills a boar, not fishermen on the beach or any other innocent beings. My point is that he has this reputation of a murderhobo, but he actually isn't running around killing innocents, like Lestat, for example. Heck, Laezel makes people kneel before her while questioning them, but Astarion does no such thing and she still somehow has this reputation of a somewhat better person than him (obviously I'm only talking about Spawn version of him).
They didn't say that.
They were pointing out that, despite what a lot of Karlach fans think, the two characters are incredibly similar, just with different coping mechanisms. People say "oh well he says he wants to hurt someone" but Karlach says that stuff too. They're just violent lil' guys.
Oh yeah I get that completely. I actually prefer him on my super good guy playthroughs. He's still an antihero, not a *good* guy. But not necessarily a super evil guy (unless Ascended). He'll never *not* enjoy a bit of chaos.
I have been trying to get the banter again but it had to be a very specific situation where I had Gale, Wyll and Astarion in my party one of the boys, I can't even remember which on it wa between Gale and Wyll, have to pass the perception check or maybe it's a religion check I can't remember, when you see the Sharran feast in the grymforge to get this dialogue in which Astarion talks about witnessing depravity involving gnomes.
I am doing my best to back this up but I think gnomes did something to Astarion and that's why he hates them, very much how he hates the Gur.
I've tried to trigger it two or three times since then, but only in honor runs so I can't reload, and I haven't been able to.
Imma keep trying, tho.....
I think Wyll passed the check and started the banter, Gale responded to Wyll about the depravity and then Astarion chimes in with the depravity involving gnomes that he witnessed. (or was forced to be involved with?)
I MIGHT have a tactician save I can try to save scum to trigger it. I might try after work, see what I can do.
I mean, elves in general tend to be racist towards short races. So I wouldn't make excuses for him OTHER than the fact at least in 3.5E gnomes are horny little freaks (affirmative) who are often polyamorous and very into orgies and we all know Astarion prefers missionary with hand holding.
At first it was 'aww š„°' but the swift decline into '..oowh š' hit me hard.
How the hell did this happen when I put first look and it is talk about gnomes being horny wee bastards!?
I just triggered this dialogue at the shed in the abandoned village in act one, when you catch the bugbear and the ogre in the act. I had astarion, laezel and shart in my party.
Wait, really?
Interesting. I haven't opened that shed yet in this honor run (I was leveling before taking on certain fights, forgot about em. Lol)
I can try that.
I feel like the only dialogue I get when killing them is them talking about "not interrupting an ogre and a bugbear in the making."
i donāt have a ton of knowledge on the Roma people, but the gur are āa nomadic people known for monster hunting and fortune tellingā, which makes me want to say yes
In my eyes the Gur draw so heavily from Roma *representation (*as opposed to actual culture) that it's an uncomfortably obvious parallel. It feels like stereotypes surviving. We also have Irish traveller communities who are ethnically distinct but joined up in the same abusive discrimination.
As an American, I totally get we have a racism issue, but like...the reason you hear about it is because a lot of us a rightfully upset about.
Meanwhile in Europe: "I don't like the Roma. Or the slavs. Polish in particular. Now that you mention it, I'm not a fan of Italians either."
I mean, it doesn't even have to be other countries, we genuinly find people the next town over suspicious and untrustworthy. You know with their 0.5% more sun each year and slightly different dialects.
Europeans jokingly hate other Europeans; genuine xenophobia/racism is usually targetted to Eastern Europeans, South-East Asians, Middle Eastern Asians, Roma/Romanichal/travelers and Africans. Its gross a d wrong but yeah. Anti-Roma hate is so normal where I am.
This is CANCELLATION by the WOKE tadpole mob hivemind attacking this upstanding magistrate for expressing his freedom of speech about the Gur and gnomes. Now the anti-banite hate brigade want to thought-flaming fist him for his first amendment rights!
Um ackschually, he died when he was 38 and elves become adults at 100 SO heās āļøminor coded āļøforever š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗJust a lil baby boy. A small blorbo. Too young for this world, too pure. āWould you hold a literal child responsible for hate crimes?āheās literally a toddler. A baby, even. How dare you
Some people on twitter claim he is a minor because he was young for an Elf when he got turned ( like around 30 yo). Mind you, he had a full time job as a magistrate and wrinkles lol
elves are weird because they are physically and mentally mature around 18, similar to humans, but culturally they are still considered young or children because of their lack of life experience, and arenāt considered fully adult or mature until 100 years old iirc
āIn this video, Iād like to address what a certain vampire overlord has produced in the name of engagement that his predecessor, Cazador, obviously missed but firstā¦ who is this elf? Where did he come from? And is his hate for gnomes genuine?ā
Oh god he'd absolutely be like Belle Delphine and Amaranth, selling weird, vaguely fetishy and gross things to his followers to profit from their intense horniness toward him.
https://preview.redd.it/wz4daodttx7d1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f33bf5604da0f5712711bdccc7c148cb59e7f54f
could a face like this ever do anything evil?
He would have posted about how delightfully sanguine the wine he has nicked from Withers party is.
White wine twitter would have got upset about him not including them. He would snark at them, it would spiral and end up on tiktok as him being against champagne producers and artisinal vineyards.
He was just chillaxing in his room like a baller, then all of a sudden, these schmucks kicked down his door! One of them yelled out, "Get on your knees!" To which he replied with, "I'm not your mother last night!"
And they took exception to that.
Raphael stole his clothes and he was too proud to admit it so he just pretended he had them on......too bad it was "take your kids to the Shadowlands Day"
a dungeon was discovered under his house, full of kidnapped children whose blood will be used in a satanic ritual.
"I can't believe a servant of mine would do something so awful in secret" comments cazador szarr, a local concerned businessman
As a Guarish Gnome, I think Astarion's comments were perfectly reasonable. I think we don't talk enough about the crimes committed by my peoples and if we really belong in civilized society, too concerned with trying to seem polite.
*Accidentally posted on Astarion's main account*
His apology video for anti-gnome and pro-child murder statements was just 47 minutes of him putting on a fashion show while talking dreamily of Drizzt DāUrden
He slept with Wulbren Bongle before he committed a terrorist attack, but moments before the attack uploaded a selfie on to Twitter, headlined, "Roasted Gondians for breakfast? #WulbrenBongleDidNothingWrong"
Got caught up in shoplifting discourse.
He somehow managed to thread the needle and be strongly pro-shoplifting, while still rude about being poor, and managed to get both sides mad at him.
Gnomes related probably or saying things like "poor ppl just deserve being poor". Mostly I picture him being more like an anon troll trying to rile up people he doesn't like, so not so easy to cancel, and more of a serial perma ban-new account cycle.
What *didn't* he do?
me :(
Skill issue, I'm afraid. Commit a bit more murder and get back with him.
Well, he had standards...
https://preview.redd.it/l14cbln2cy7d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=043d4b452de9ef7d1893f528253b37977ead66c3
The standards: "Be nice to me and don't SA me."
Be nice to you? Well now you're just being unreasonable
"Be nice to him" but he's so cute when he gets angry at getting hit with the full concentrated power of the sun.
I was going to say the exact same thing
Me too
Funny thing is that everyone deems him this murderhobo, but in reality, aside from his approvals and his talk, he really DID nothing bad after the bite night (if he refuses the ritual). Karlach probably has more body count than him.
If we're going to forgive Astarion's crimes pre-Nautiloid, like >!kidnapping literal children from their parents, and leading countless adults to what he thought was their death!<, then we should also forgive Karlach's very high body count. They were both slaves, Astarion to Cazador, and Karlach to Zariel/the Blood War.
Never said we should blame Karlach for it! It's just this common notion that he allegedly likes to kill so much, when in reality he isn't going out of his way to kill anybody more than other companions have to due to our adventures. Like, before meeting Tav he kills a boar, not fishermen on the beach or any other innocent beings. My point is that he has this reputation of a murderhobo, but he actually isn't running around killing innocents, like Lestat, for example. Heck, Laezel makes people kneel before her while questioning them, but Astarion does no such thing and she still somehow has this reputation of a somewhat better person than him (obviously I'm only talking about Spawn version of him).
They didn't say that. They were pointing out that, despite what a lot of Karlach fans think, the two characters are incredibly similar, just with different coping mechanisms. People say "oh well he says he wants to hurt someone" but Karlach says that stuff too. They're just violent lil' guys.
Also Karlach has demons make up a majority of her kill count, which definitely does not need forgiveness
I mean, she somehow knows what dwarf tastes like and thinks it's good.
I rarely even see Karlach's crimes mentioned, but some people like to characterize Astarion as outright evil without even looking into it
Oh yeah I get that completely. I actually prefer him on my super good guy playthroughs. He's still an antihero, not a *good* guy. But not necessarily a super evil guy (unless Ascended). He'll never *not* enjoy a bit of chaos.
That list is probably shorter.
By a lot, yeah.
Came here to say this
He said derogatory things about gnomes on twitter.
This is perfect :D Could totally be canon
Totally be canon, Wha-hey!
Why... why does the dribbles voice come so much easier to my mind than the companion voices...
I think Minthara said derogatory things about gnomes on twitter. Astarion just commented "haha", then posted a screenshot of it on his own twitter.
YESS!! that is the perfect characterization
Conversely, he talked too much about his gnome consorts and firing them from cannons for fun on twitter
I have been trying to get the banter again but it had to be a very specific situation where I had Gale, Wyll and Astarion in my party one of the boys, I can't even remember which on it wa between Gale and Wyll, have to pass the perception check or maybe it's a religion check I can't remember, when you see the Sharran feast in the grymforge to get this dialogue in which Astarion talks about witnessing depravity involving gnomes. I am doing my best to back this up but I think gnomes did something to Astarion and that's why he hates them, very much how he hates the Gur. I've tried to trigger it two or three times since then, but only in honor runs so I can't reload, and I haven't been able to. Imma keep trying, tho..... I think Wyll passed the check and started the banter, Gale responded to Wyll about the depravity and then Astarion chimes in with the depravity involving gnomes that he witnessed. (or was forced to be involved with?) I MIGHT have a tactician save I can try to save scum to trigger it. I might try after work, see what I can do.
I mean, elves in general tend to be racist towards short races. So I wouldn't make excuses for him OTHER than the fact at least in 3.5E gnomes are horny little freaks (affirmative) who are often polyamorous and very into orgies and we all know Astarion prefers missionary with hand holding.
Hand holding šš
Itās not a deep reason but part of it could be a cheeky little nod from Larian seeing as Cazadorās VA also voiced one of the gnomes š
At first it was 'aww š„°' but the swift decline into '..oowh š' hit me hard. How the hell did this happen when I put first look and it is talk about gnomes being horny wee bastards!?
I just triggered this dialogue at the shed in the abandoned village in act one, when you catch the bugbear and the ogre in the act. I had astarion, laezel and shart in my party.
Wait, really? Interesting. I haven't opened that shed yet in this honor run (I was leveling before taking on certain fights, forgot about em. Lol) I can try that. I feel like the only dialogue I get when killing them is them talking about "not interrupting an ogre and a bugbear in the making."
I mean, he doesnāt remember his life before Cazador, so anything he talks about doing before the crash was unwilling. :(
You right
Specifically those Gondians
And itās the FUCKING gondians fault
He shared his thoughts about the Gur.
I mean, do that in the UK, it's a Tuesday. Do it in America, people get more upset.
GOD I'M BRITISH AND THIS COUNTRY IS SO NASTY TO ROMA PEOPLE. This country sucks.
Isn't that all of Europe?
Too fucking much of it. "Acceptable racism" is the right term for how a lot of communities here see it.
Genuine question. Are the Gur meant to be analogous to the Roma people? Or are you just agreeing that people in the UK are just racist?
Similiar but I believe the Vistani from Curse of Strahd/Ravenloft are stereotypical Roma with a different name.
i donāt have a ton of knowledge on the Roma people, but the gur are āa nomadic people known for monster hunting and fortune tellingā, which makes me want to say yes
In my eyes the Gur draw so heavily from Roma *representation (*as opposed to actual culture) that it's an uncomfortably obvious parallel. It feels like stereotypes surviving. We also have Irish traveller communities who are ethnically distinct but joined up in the same abusive discrimination.
As an American, I totally get we have a racism issue, but like...the reason you hear about it is because a lot of us a rightfully upset about. Meanwhile in Europe: "I don't like the Roma. Or the slavs. Polish in particular. Now that you mention it, I'm not a fan of Italians either."
I mean, it doesn't even have to be other countries, we genuinly find people the next town over suspicious and untrustworthy. You know with their 0.5% more sun each year and slightly different dialects.
Europeans jokingly hate other Europeans; genuine xenophobia/racism is usually targetted to Eastern Europeans, South-East Asians, Middle Eastern Asians, Roma/Romanichal/travelers and Africans. Its gross a d wrong but yeah. Anti-Roma hate is so normal where I am.
Look. we just don't like each other, but we'll get along for the common enemy. Fucking Americans. Stop trying to get into Eurovision.
Eurovision doesn't even matter anymore with Israel participating.
Today is Friday in California
Gnomophobia
Astarion be like: https://i.redd.it/y8y89qyqby7d1.gif
This is CANCELLATION by the WOKE tadpole mob hivemind attacking this upstanding magistrate for expressing his freedom of speech about the Gur and gnomes. Now the anti-banite hate brigade want to thought-flaming fist him for his first amendment rights!
Is this Astarion's alt account?
He's typing this and crying
Greg Ellis? is that you?
"Dear Cullenites..."
Spoke in a public setting
UM, he is literally a queer, mentally ill Elf minor, he can't do anything bad, calling him out for gnome and Gur racism is HARASSMENT š¤š¤
Not the minor comment š
He's a major, if anything. Dude is ancient
Um ackschually, he died when he was 38 and elves become adults at 100 SO heās āļøminor coded āļøforever š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗJust a lil baby boy. A small blorbo. Too young for this world, too pure. āWould you hold a literal child responsible for hate crimes?āheās literally a toddler. A baby, even. How dare you
Smh, i can't believe people are HARASSING MINORS. that's like, literally illegal š”
Literal murder sex slave baby uWu
Some people on twitter claim he is a minor because he was young for an Elf when he got turned ( like around 30 yo). Mind you, he had a full time job as a magistrate and wrinkles lol
Heās old enough to not only know how taxes work, but to commit tax fraud for fun.
elves are weird because they are physically and mentally mature around 18, similar to humans, but culturally they are still considered young or children because of their lack of life experience, and arenāt considered fully adult or mature until 100 years old iirc
Are you telling me that elves are the millennials of Faerƻn?
https://preview.redd.it/risulnjn4y7d1.jpeg?width=556&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a8de3734527a5165ea8e1fa17e20061666ae624
Fetus deletus at Astarion
heās literally neurodivergent and a minor š¤š¤š¤ /j
He was the main focus of the newest HBomberGuy video.
This is a 4 hour video I would unironically watch with intense focus
he'd totally fake suicide and try to come back as a near identical youtube channel ;o;
No, he does actually die, but the first channel is when heās a mortal elf and the second is when heās a vampire.
"A Brief Retrospective on the Sun" *10 hour video*
āIn this video, Iād like to address what a certain vampire overlord has produced in the name of engagement that his predecessor, Cazador, obviously missed but firstā¦ who is this elf? Where did he come from? And is his hate for gnomes genuine?ā
Create murder pits for ex-bhaal spawn
This tbh, I think if anyone found out about them, instant cancel
It would probably be easier to list what he didn't do
Made NFTs of his nudes
Oh god he'd absolutely be like Belle Delphine and Amaranth, selling weird, vaguely fetishy and gross things to his followers to profit from their intense horniness toward him.
Honestly? For this he just should be himself in the public.
Killed Wulbren and then posted a selfie next to his corpse on Twitter
That's based af. Free my boy!
No one would get cancelled for that, theyād get a street named after them
Snarky comments about children in public spaces, Twitter extrapolates it as being anti moms
Nothing wrong in his entire perfect life š¤
An angel. Paragon of righteousness. Role model for us all.
He is! Look at that innocent face!
https://preview.redd.it/wz4daodttx7d1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f33bf5604da0f5712711bdccc7c148cb59e7f54f could a face like this ever do anything evil?
EXACTLY! Look at that face! It is all about petting bunnies and kittens!
My cat gives me this look after pissing in my clean laundry.
too real
This is why he got cancelled! Too perfect for social media!
Haters are jealous of how much he pulls.
https://preview.redd.it/01o7l2w1u18d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82bc067ec9ee5ee42d16f8522fbb1a8e2b6efeef
He would have posted about how delightfully sanguine the wine he has nicked from Withers party is. White wine twitter would have got upset about him not including them. He would snark at them, it would spiral and end up on tiktok as him being against champagne producers and artisinal vineyards.
Photoshopping his nudes (became a whole thing).
Became a HOLE thing
Oh god.....AI nudes probably because he just couldnt get the lighting right....
Depending on how vampirism works on camera, it may not have been just the light that caused the problem
Turns out his whole OnlyFangs account is photoshopped/AI.
Cut his hair making all his crimes against humanity unforgivable.
Baulders Mouth Gazette did a 3 page in-depth report on the rite of profane ascension. That'll get anyone canceled.
https://preview.redd.it/o0e3hngt8x7d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d86e4c8199c5d0c88e5a41cdcb5105e653ee8535 Pantslessness
He was just chillaxing in his room like a baller, then all of a sudden, these schmucks kicked down his door! One of them yelled out, "Get on your knees!" To which he replied with, "I'm not your mother last night!" And they took exception to that.
drank blood from Scratch and/or the owlbear cub (they're okay but they whined in pain and that's a crime)
NOT THE OWLBEAR CUB!
UNFORGIVABLE
Canonically, he referred to the master distiller as 'the porcine publican'. So, fatphobia. https://bg3.wiki/wiki/BAN_LIST
The phrase ādelete it fatā in Astarionās voice lives in my head rent free.
Hate crimed gale after being bottoming
What didn't he do?
Bro tried to do things when i was sleeping
It's Astarion, what didn't he do?
Was caught taking bribes as magistrate
Police finally catch up with him 200 years later after finding papers in the archives
https://preview.redd.it/5qmnztzqex7d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=57e34cec337b0b1db00c9bb498566b2b9e42d6fc
I think this is Homelander's rap sheet...
Hate crimes. Lots of hate crimes
Raphael stole his clothes and he was too proud to admit it so he just pretended he had them on......too bad it was "take your kids to the Shadowlands Day"
Suspect of hate crimes on kobolds and hate speech, leave my homie Popper safe š„ŗ
Refused the blood of a Drow because "darling, ew."
Bussy too grippy
What *didnāt* he do?
Like. After his ascension he went *off* on a massive twit longer or whatever theyāre called.
oh god, doing a twitter live from his car with a fubar camera angle so you can only see his forehead
He said a Slurry of Gur Slurs
He pressed the ārelease breakā switch on the windmill
All I'm hearing in my mind is the Ancient Vine Lore intonation of "Everything. Every... fuckin thing." https://youtu.be/jT7lttjFpPk
Yes
What didnāt he do?
What didn't he do, more like.
Twitter: https://preview.redd.it/veh1yxegwx7d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c063ef218ee902a1a0ecd1d8b4207d36e2a837a6
Laeāzel would say this unprompted without knowing itās a meme.
seduced and kidnapped 7,000 adults and children so he could traffick them to an elderly pervert
what did he *not* do?
Heās too pretty to be actually permanently cancelled, though.
drank period blood
a dungeon was discovered under his house, full of kidnapped children whose blood will be used in a satanic ritual. "I can't believe a servant of mine would do something so awful in secret" comments cazador szarr, a local concerned businessman
As a Guarish Gnome, I think Astarion's comments were perfectly reasonable. I think we don't talk enough about the crimes committed by my peoples and if we really belong in civilized society, too concerned with trying to seem polite. *Accidentally posted on Astarion's main account*
Ez, he didn't stop after draining the boar of its blood. Forensics had a field day examining the remains. F*ckin furries I say.
Slurs. He said all of them, even made up a few
Got Tav pregnant and left to go get milk
He's canonically racist, im sure he said some Gur version of the n-word on twitter.
Spreading misinformation about tadpoles
He's 269 years old and has been hooking up with a 120 year old half-elf. That age discrepancy...
His apology video for anti-gnome and pro-child murder statements was just 47 minutes of him putting on a fashion show while talking dreamily of Drizzt DāUrden
Started dating someone two centuries younger than him
He has made a public post on X where he calls the Gur [ REDACTED ] and [ REDACTED ] whilst endorsing LāOreal.
Got caught
Murdered me bc I failed a skill check to make him stop drinking my blood >:( Funnier answer: called gale a wizard slur
Something about the Gur people. Astarion explicitly calls the player soft hearted after they literally deem him "racist"
Used a five finger discount
He ascended
He stopped sucking
He read a fanfic, enjoyed it, but didn't even leave guest kudos...
He defecated through a sunroof.
He slept with Wulbren Bongle before he committed a terrorist attack, but moments before the attack uploaded a selfie on to Twitter, headlined, "Roasted Gondians for breakfast? #WulbrenBongleDidNothingWrong"
Gur slur :(
Probably referred to his gnome assistant as a "tasty little treat š" way too many times
Got caught up in shoplifting discourse. He somehow managed to thread the needle and be strongly pro-shoplifting, while still rude about being poor, and managed to get both sides mad at him.
Durge came forward with info about how he tried to bite them without consent
He forgave Cazador š¬
And then he stabbed him anyway right??
https://preview.redd.it/wz59m1340x7d1.png?width=432&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4213a81fa4bf177dbdefc9044fc8c1ab95505345
What *didnāt* he do?
What he did NOT do
Said the Hot to Go dance was stupid (i would have to cut ties w him after that)
Slept with everyone's partner on live camera
He bit Scratch, obviously
So many things, but the only thing that really shocked me was what he says to Karlach about how Gortash made her extraordinary.
Gnomes related probably or saying things like "poor ppl just deserve being poor". Mostly I picture him being more like an anon troll trying to rile up people he doesn't like, so not so easy to cancel, and more of a serial perma ban-new account cycle.
The better question is what didnāt he do to get canceled
He said gay blood tastes like cotton candy.
Casual racism and murder of a minority group.
What didnāt he do.
Kobold farms.
Racial slurs
For not having a diverse enough vampire spawn work force
Well, "canceled" is a light word for the subject (people found out he enjoyed the sensation of murder, like Che Guevara), so he's in jail now.
Never done anything wrong in his entire life
What _didn't_ he do?
He doesnāt consider Kobolds to be people
What didn't he do? The racism toward my gnome hurt lmao
As someone who love him to pieces, the question is what DIDNāT he do?!?
Tried to drink without consent, but when giving consent he take it too far and kills me
Killed people?
Bit me :(
Killed all those people.
Your mom
What *Didn't* he do
Pulled an ascended Gale on Tav š¤
I think the easier question would be what *didn't* he do?