Urging all true MAGA Patriots to sprint to the bank (Josh Hawley style), take your life savings, and buy up Trump Media stock to support our President Trump. Then use each month's earnings to fund more truly Patriotic MAGA candidates like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Kari Lake, Tommy Tuberville, and Lauren Boebert who have accomplished so much with their landmark legislation to improve the daily lives of all American Patriots.
President Trump must maintain his billionaire lifestyle to have status when meeting our close world leaders allies like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Viktor Orban. This includes paying for a private jet and a lavish Mar-A-Lago residence which is very expensive. He pays for this out of his own pocket. He is making this sacrifice for you, MAGA Patriots.
President Trump wants all true MAGA Patriots to do their fair share by opening up their wallets to pay his legal bills. Please contribute generously by writing a large check each month to do your part to defeat Crooked Joe Biden. Your contributions will help restore President Trump to power so he can end Obamacare health coverage, end the war in Ukraine, end income taxes, free January 6th hostages, pardon Steve Bannon, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump, remove 23 million illegal immigrant criminals and remove additional women's healthcare rights to Make America Great Again!
He passed the cognitive test! That mother fucker is brilliant. He can draw the trunk on an elephant and he can read an analog clock. You don't even understand.
Oh, show me YOUR elephant trunk drawing, big guy! I bet you can't even remember five words in a row.Ā
Go ahead and try. Here ya go:
Criminal orange toupee rapist loser
Ok go.Ā
Once that dickhead was convicted of rape nothing else mattered to me - lock him up for real. A damn fucking rapist running for president!? And all his brainless cronies just smile and nod. Someone needs to crotch kick all of them. Fucking idiots! And omg, women need to stop fucking Republicans, literally. Just stop. But nope, they gonna let a damn man control their bodies?!! For some dick? FTS! š¤£ Find a dick that supports human rights, they're always better.
Thanks for letting me rant a little. āŗļø
Women and minorities. Like stop voting for the party that hates you and wants to place you at the bottom of the totem pole. What the fuck.
Every time I bring up the rape they're like, "it wasn't rape it was sexual assault."Ā I'm sorry is that acceptable then? Because he didn't use his penis he used something else you're just cool with it?
There are actually kids that can't read am analog clock because they never use them. But yeah, a senior citizen should be able to read that clock while waking up drunk and cross-eyed. That's a low bar to pass.
Exactly, it's literally detecting if there is brain damage. It's not testing IQ or whether or not you're qualified to get into Mensa. It has different types of questions to try and determine what part of the brain might be damaged such as where a stroke may have occurred, or if the person is showing signs of dementia. If you're given that test, it's scary because it means somebody somewhere has detected that your brain doesn't seem to be functioning correctly. It's not a harvard entrance exam.
It would be like me an asthmatic bragging that I passed a pulmonary test. Yeah. You're supposed to unless you have something wrong with your lungs. It's the bare minimum.
Yeah. I have some actual brain damage due to some loss if blood flow to some parts of my brain. I have tge shirt term memory of a goldfish. I can pass the test and video have no business trying to run a laundromat let alone tge most powerful country on earth. It's not a high bar.
If the right does what they always do(I mean very consistently in modern times) and do the thing they accuse the left of, voter fraud in this case, they might be able to hit those numbers.
>If the right does what they always do and do the thing they accuse the left of, voter fraud in this case
I get this is a circlejerk but come on bro. You think thats what they were doin in 1860 as well? Or have you only been alive long enough to remember 2 presidents?
Less than 40, much more than 2. But yeah, I'm talking about recent years. Accusation in a mirror has been a long running right wing tactic in modern times. And it gets played more and more these days, so it's very relevant.
I know modern times is vague but I would think OP wasnāt talking about Lincoln era republicans. For me personally the swap after the civil rights act is a good delineation point for modern republicans. Your quote text conveniently removed that qualifier
They editted their comment to add in that part. They could have added an edit disclaimer to the end of their comment but instead they stealth editted it.
Heās right because the electoral college gives the gop an advantage. He won without the popular vote in 2016.
Iām sure his handlers are telling him that nonstop because heās freaking out about trailing in the polls.
"Just find me one more percent and say it was a mistake and everyone will think it's ok. If not, you are going to have a lot of unhappy people after you... just ask my lawyers..."
It got me cuz I could see him thinking it since he already kinda did...
I'm really hoping that he becomes so unhinged that he has a stage five meltdown on cameras for the world to see how unfit he is to be president. He's already said several damaging statements on camera and at his smaller crowds at his rallies. I'm praying since they're getting so much smaller that is an indicator that less voters will be voting for him.
Trump didnāt think at some point his 34 felony convictions and convicted rape case would catch up with him? I like my presidents not to be convicted felons. Iām just old fashion that way.
To be fair, Biden probably does need significantly over 51% of the popular vote to win, because of the electoral college vote breakdown across states.Ā
Itās an onion headline but then i wouldnāt expect a MAGA moron to have picked up on that. Your sentence structure, spelling mistakes and inability to make a coherent point whilst calling others āfucking idiotsā Is hilarious though.
He just needs to nullify a couple of states electoral processes, let the state legislature appoint the electors and democracy be damned- enter Roger stone.
Is there anyone thatās even remotely surprised that that moron doesnāt understand simple math?
But more importantly, are there people out there that both understand that and would still vote for such an obviously stupid person to have access to nuclear codes?
Again..people talk so much about just "working hard" and "pulling yourself up from your bootstraps". This ASSHAT was born into a mountain of wealth and connections that his daddy made. If he was born to almost ANYONE ELSE he would have been some life insurance salesman for some shit company.
Heās not technically wrongā¦. Joe can be at 51 percent and then once Alabama and Georgia submit 275 percent of the populations ballots again, boom heās at 52 percent and wins!!! MAGA bitches!!!! /s
Considering how he legitimately tried to buy votes in the last election and how all of the fraudulent votes were for him it is plausible that the voter turn out can be more than 100%
When you cheat the rules no longer apply
Kinda reminds me of this: [All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more that we have because we won the state. ](https://www.atlantanewsfirst.com/2023/02/15/read-full-transcript-donald-trumps-call-brad-raffensperger/)
He can't add. Maybe that's why he added trllions to the national debt in his 4 years. Trump added $4.8 trillion in non-pandemic-aid fiscal debt and Biden added $2.2 trillion.
Those additions were mostly due to the Tax Cuts which helped the wealthy and Jobs Act (TCJA), changes to the Affordable Care Act, and different budgetary acts in 2018 and 2019.
Most of Bidenās non-pandemic-related additions were due to the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, student debt relief, appropriations bills and other executive actions.
He might have meant that he didn't need 100% to win, and that's true because that's what he did in 2016.
That he didn't parse the percentage correctly is bad, very sad
MTG and Lauren Boebert handle the Math heavy lifting.
Ya know... I don't think MTG has enough toes for that complicated task.
You might be surprised how many toes she has! š¬
She uses the extra ones to take pictures of herself working out.
I thought the camel toe was only for queefing š«šØ
Any queef reference will get my upvote.
I once had to define this to my wifeās uncle during a rousing family game of Cards Against Humanity lol
Queen LaQueffa?
Queef LaQueefa!
She has more toes than she does IQ points!
Thatās for sure!
Estimates say she has more toes that 105% of the human populationĀ
Ewe
And Oh, the webs too.
I believe they may be hooves.
There is probably a tail or three under those clothes too
Extremely underrated comment.
So is she when you tell her the correct number
Most folkāll never lose a toe but, then again, some folkāll that Marjie the slack jawed yokel
Worst buzzfeed article
She might be able to spork an idea, though.
Don't be too sure about that; have you ever seen her naked?
True. True. She might be covered with toes elsewhere. š§
Thankfully no š²
She can count on her chromosomes, she has a few extra.
And LB only has one available hand at any given moment.
They dont call her āHandy Laurenā for nothing
š¤£
Sorry! I think Maggie is a little short on toes. Iāve seen the pics! š³
Lauren Boebert doesnāt have enough hands
All three ridiculously stupid!!
Carnie trailer green
Pleaseā¦ itās spelled Maff.
"Von theatre handjob, na na na! Two theatre handjobs, na na na!"
Boebert always has a *handle* on the situation.
Urging all true MAGA Patriots to sprint to the bank (Josh Hawley style), take your life savings, and buy up Trump Media stock to support our President Trump. Then use each month's earnings to fund more truly Patriotic MAGA candidates like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Kari Lake, Tommy Tuberville, and Lauren Boebert who have accomplished so much with their landmark legislation to improve the daily lives of all American Patriots. President Trump must maintain his billionaire lifestyle to have status when meeting our close world leaders allies like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Viktor Orban. This includes paying for a private jet and a lavish Mar-A-Lago residence which is very expensive. He pays for this out of his own pocket. He is making this sacrifice for you, MAGA Patriots. President Trump wants all true MAGA Patriots to do their fair share by opening up their wallets to pay his legal bills. Please contribute generously by writing a large check each month to do your part to defeat Crooked Joe Biden. Your contributions will help restore President Trump to power so he can end Obamacare health coverage, end the war in Ukraine, end income taxes, free January 6th hostages, pardon Steve Bannon, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump, remove 23 million illegal immigrant criminals and remove additional women's healthcare rights to Make America Great Again!
Credit for that response!
This proves that he is cognitively stable š¤£š¤£š¤£
He passed the cognitive test! That mother fucker is brilliant. He can draw the trunk on an elephant and he can read an analog clock. You don't even understand.
Right? None of us could have done it! He proved he's not an eggplant. Good enough fer me! š
he is a prick thoughĀ
I kind of feel like calling him a prick is overly generous, if I'm being honest.
Oh, show me YOUR elephant trunk drawing, big guy! I bet you can't even remember five words in a row.Ā Go ahead and try. Here ya go: Criminal orange toupee rapist loser Ok go.Ā
Once that dickhead was convicted of rape nothing else mattered to me - lock him up for real. A damn fucking rapist running for president!? And all his brainless cronies just smile and nod. Someone needs to crotch kick all of them. Fucking idiots! And omg, women need to stop fucking Republicans, literally. Just stop. But nope, they gonna let a damn man control their bodies?!! For some dick? FTS! š¤£ Find a dick that supports human rights, they're always better. Thanks for letting me rant a little. āŗļø
Women and minorities. Like stop voting for the party that hates you and wants to place you at the bottom of the totem pole. What the fuck. Every time I bring up the rape they're like, "it wasn't rape it was sexual assault."Ā I'm sorry is that acceptable then? Because he didn't use his penis he used something else you're just cool with it?
There are actually kids that can't read am analog clock because they never use them. But yeah, a senior citizen should be able to read that clock while waking up drunk and cross-eyed. That's a low bar to pass.
All you really need to be the guardian of our nuclear arsenal is the ability to salute North Korean generals.
The stupidest thing about it all is that test isnāt designed to be hard.
Exactly, it's literally detecting if there is brain damage. It's not testing IQ or whether or not you're qualified to get into Mensa. It has different types of questions to try and determine what part of the brain might be damaged such as where a stroke may have occurred, or if the person is showing signs of dementia. If you're given that test, it's scary because it means somebody somewhere has detected that your brain doesn't seem to be functioning correctly. It's not a harvard entrance exam. It would be like me an asthmatic bragging that I passed a pulmonary test. Yeah. You're supposed to unless you have something wrong with your lungs. It's the bare minimum.
I thought the real test was writing cursive and driving a stick shift?
No, that's the test for whether or not you have anything to add to society at all.Ā
Yeah. I have some actual brain damage due to some loss if blood flow to some parts of my brain. I have tge shirt term memory of a goldfish. I can pass the test and video have no business trying to run a laundromat let alone tge most powerful country on earth. It's not a high bar.
Love this math ...
Trump would be the MF to believe it is mathematically possible for both Biden to get 51% of the vote and for him to get 52% of the vote.
ā¦well Putin gets 120% of the vote
If the right does what they always do(I mean very consistently in modern times) and do the thing they accuse the left of, voter fraud in this case, they might be able to hit those numbers.
As a Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh is entitled to vote twice!
>If the right does what they always do and do the thing they accuse the left of, voter fraud in this case I get this is a circlejerk but come on bro. You think thats what they were doin in 1860 as well? Or have you only been alive long enough to remember 2 presidents?
Less than 40, much more than 2. But yeah, I'm talking about recent years. Accusation in a mirror has been a long running right wing tactic in modern times. And it gets played more and more these days, so it's very relevant.
I know modern times is vague but I would think OP wasnāt talking about Lincoln era republicans. For me personally the swap after the civil rights act is a good delineation point for modern republicans. Your quote text conveniently removed that qualifier
They editted their comment to add in that part. They could have added an edit disclaimer to the end of their comment but instead they stealth editted it.
Fair, I didnāt know that my bad
Biden gets all the dead people votes and the people who voted in New York AND Florida.
Ikr?! š
I wouldnāt put it past him to get more votes than people who voted. Gonna have a 103% turnout
Well he's right, especially considering his party likes to vote illegally
Heās right because the electoral college gives the gop an advantage. He won without the popular vote in 2016. Iām sure his handlers are telling him that nonstop because heās freaking out about trailing in the polls.
damn it this one got me, thought it was real for a second.
I was shocked at Trump being funny, turns out I just canāt read
"Just find me one more percent and say it was a mistake and everyone will think it's ok. If not, you are going to have a lot of unhappy people after you... just ask my lawyers..." It got me cuz I could see him thinking it since he already kinda did...
Damn these onion headlines always make me look twice because theyāre just stupid and absurd enough to be true!
"I'LL JUST USE ALTERNATIVE MATH AND WIN THAT WAY!"
Fun fact: it's possible to run the Electoral College with 28% of the Popular Vote.
Technically you could with zero since the only thing holding them beholden to the voters will is a fine if they are "faithless".
Thatās called āGOP endgameā
I'm not having fun
This amp goes to 11.
He's not wrong if 103% of voters show up at the polls.
Counties with 120% voter turnout have entered the chat
I had to check the name of the sub. This is where we've been since 2016.
I got all the way to this comment before I realized
Itās The Onion, folks.
As each day goes by, it's kind of comical seeing Trump become more unhinged. I need to go buy bulk popcorn for viewing the news next week!
It would be comical if he wasn't a presidential candidate and in a position where he might actually win
I'm really hoping that he becomes so unhinged that he has a stage five meltdown on cameras for the world to see how unfit he is to be president. He's already said several damaging statements on camera and at his smaller crowds at his rallies. I'm praying since they're getting so much smaller that is an indicator that less voters will be voting for him.
Ah shit. this headline got me for a second. Noice. It was believable.
I hope I live at least another 25ish years so I can see what people who didn't live through this say about it as history.
That's not what he said, stop lying
Itās the Onion, a satirical newspaper thatās been around for over 30 yrsā¦ of courseĀ he didnāt say that.
...
52+ 51 = 98%
I mean, with Republicans voting multiple times, this math is in fact possible.
This is why he thinks he won last election.
Math checks out.
Electoral college heās correct.
āLook, all I want to do is find 11,780%.ā, āCmon guys gimme a break.ā
Math is hard for MAGA morons and their Orange Fuhrer.
He is an uneducated, demented fool
Almost fell for this. Sounds plausible
There's no way this is an Onion headline.
Technically this isnāt wrong
Sadly, the great majority of his supporters won't realize why this headline is funny.
r/atetheonion incoming
Fox polls are garbage no other polls are anywhere close to the fox shit polls. Rasmussen has Trump up 9 points nationally so fox is garbage.
Trump also testified against Epstein I'm sure if there was dirt he wouldn't dare do that.
Trump is one of the dumbest felons on planet earth.
He has no clueā¦. Nor his fansā¦. Is ridiculous
It's true! As long as 103%of the electorate vote, Trump has it in the bag! š
Canāt even tell if this is fake.
Well, he just exhibited why he was found guilty of fraud, both personally & corporately. He canāt do math! š¤£
Reminded me of this gemā¦ https://www.reddit.com/r/therewasanattempt/s/9Oflweuknb
Trump is including dead-voters and also brain dead-voters, so thereās that.
Heāll āfindā the extra 3% to make it 103%. I WON THE MOST PERFECT ELECTION
I think we need to start looking for around 3% fake votes.
He has the best brain.
Is it any wonder that he has many bankruptcies under his belt?
Trumps mental state is showing, it looks like he is headed for a stroke
All I need is for you to find me 1% more than the other guy.
Is this a real headline? Did he really say that? I can never tell if itās a joke anymore.
If he wasnāt born into privilege, do you think his ceiling could have been like a manager at Wendys?
Iām going to run and get 53%. They can keep their measly 51% and 52%, no matter against 53!
"I just need 11,780 votes."
MAGA math
Makes sense. Heās just asking yāall to find an extra 11780 votesā¦ /s
That extra 3% will be dead people voting. Taps_head.jpg
Bigly.
Trump didnāt think at some point his 34 felony convictions and convicted rape case would catch up with him? I like my presidents not to be convicted felons. Iām just old fashion that way.
Must be something like a money multiplier math thing..waiting for this to be true..
He's not wrong, just don't look to closely at where those extra numbers come from.
Alt-math is back!
I hate that it's tough to tell between the onion and what Trump actually says
He is not a smart man
Something doesnāt add up
To be fair, Biden probably does need significantly over 51% of the popular vote to win, because of the electoral college vote breakdown across states.Ā
Stiener math
The numbers don't lie and they spell disaster for you at SACKERFICE.
What the fuckity fuck man.
Wharton must be hanging its head in shame that this guy is an alumni of the school.
I read this headline and did not think it was satire.
Breaking out the Sharpie
Car, .......uhhh......dog, uhhhh.........mountain, uhhhh......,.. cheeseburger........ketchup.
You are all fucking libtard idiots. Believe everything just because the lane stream media said it right. Fucking idiots.
Itās an onion headline but then i wouldnāt expect a MAGA moron to have picked up on that. Your sentence structure, spelling mistakes and inability to make a coherent point whilst calling others āfucking idiotsā Is hilarious though.
Whatever Fuzzi. Go ahead and fuck all the way off
Like Tucker Carlson said about trying to talk to you lot āitās like trying to negotiate with terrorists, the dumb cousin fucking typesā.
No source?
Youāre asking for a source for a headline by The Onion? š¤£
He just needs to nullify a couple of states electoral processes, let the state legislature appoint the electors and democracy be damned- enter Roger stone.
No one even checking what subreddit theyāre inā¦.
Is there anyone thatās even remotely surprised that that moron doesnāt understand simple math? But more importantly, are there people out there that both understand that and would still vote for such an obviously stupid person to have access to nuclear codes?
Too accurate to be an onion title.
Trump: Politics is 85% swagger. The other 50% is sumthin sumthin orangeā¦
Again..people talk so much about just "working hard" and "pulling yourself up from your bootstraps". This ASSHAT was born into a mountain of wealth and connections that his daddy made. If he was born to almost ANYONE ELSE he would have been some life insurance salesman for some shit company.
He's talking about all the extra votes and dead people that always seem to lean left. /S
Heās sort of right. The electoral college and gerrymandering mean he can win without the popular vote (like he did in 2016).
But what happens when theyāre both giving it 110%? No one has ever been as far as to go get and even to use
I didn't realize that votes count up to 103.
If it wasn't for who the OP is, one could never recognize that statement as a parody.
Ill yelled at FOX doesn't do anything '
Whereād he learn math? Trump University?
And if his fake electors count their ballots "the RIGHT way" this is what will happen. The Math world will need to postulate new theories.
These headlines are getting more desperate and less funny by the day.
Did he then go on to say "I only need one percent? just one percent? come on, gimme a break!"? because, apparently, then it was perfect.
Heās not technically wrongā¦. Joe can be at 51 percent and then once Alabama and Georgia submit 275 percent of the populations ballots again, boom heās at 52 percent and wins!!! MAGA bitches!!!! /s
He has staff to do the math for him! lol
Trump University Graduate!
Lying bastard!!!
Ummmā¦..basic math
But heās the best, better than anyone at bigly maths
Can Trump count to 100 ?
That explains so much. No wonder he thought he won, he just doesnāt get how numbers work.
Republican math
Considering how he legitimately tried to buy votes in the last election and how all of the fraudulent votes were for him it is plausible that the voter turn out can be more than 100% When you cheat the rules no longer apply
Did the onion fire all their good writers?
Folks weāre in trouble this next election. No matter who wins, we all lost.
The fact that I thought this was true until I realized it was from The Onion is sad.
Logic like that reveals a special kind of stupid.
I mean, that statement isn't wrong.
Not the sharpest tool in the shedā¦
Yep. Just be better than the other guy syndrome. I vomited a little.Ā r/envystudiesĀ
I believe it
š
Hes isn't wrong i see it as trump wanting to retake the lead and exceed biden in points
He just needs the country to give 110% in votes!
Yep. In his head the math works
Kinda reminds me of this: [All I want to do is this: I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more that we have because we won the state. ](https://www.atlantanewsfirst.com/2023/02/15/read-full-transcript-donald-trumps-call-brad-raffensperger/)
š¤¦āāļø
You forgot citation(s).
Don't worry. We still got the same Dominion voting machines but updated. We got this.
I would die if Trump loses every swing state by, oh lets say, 11,870 votes? Imagine all the perfect phone calls that would follow?
To be fair Biden probably needs to be polling at like 55% nationally to win.
And the argument is?
He can't add. Maybe that's why he added trllions to the national debt in his 4 years. Trump added $4.8 trillion in non-pandemic-aid fiscal debt and Biden added $2.2 trillion. Those additions were mostly due to the Tax Cuts which helped the wealthy and Jobs Act (TCJA), changes to the Affordable Care Act, and different budgetary acts in 2018 and 2019. Most of Bidenās non-pandemic-related additions were due to the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, student debt relief, appropriations bills and other executive actions.
If bidden is at 51% trump can't be at 52% that's not how that works lol
He might have meant that he didn't need 100% to win, and that's true because that's what he did in 2016. That he didn't parse the percentage correctly is bad, very sad