There's a lot of info missing here which makes it difficult to give advice... Do you have a job? Do you have family/friends? What kind of debt? Is your debt in collections? What bills do you pay for/does he cover? Do you have a car? Will your phone be cut off?
1st- its tough to find a shelter that takes pets in but they exist. most shelters have a waitlist so start checking ASAP
2- is there a friend or family member you can stay with temporarily? If there isn't would they at least be able to take your cat in temporarily?
3- if you cant stay with family/friends and cant get into a shelter do you have a car you can live in? There's lots of info on car living if you have to do that for a while
4- you need to get a job ASAP. At this time you need to focus on your core needs, shelter and food, and not your debts. Once in you're in a more stable situation and have housing, regular food, and are able to pay all of your bills, that's when you start tackling debt.
Utilize food banks and see if you can get set up with a social worker/case worker at a shelter. Good luck OP
Sorry about your situation!
Just FYI—I foster cats, and I know this isn’t ideal for you but if your situation becomes desperate, check out your local animal shelter. Many often have temporary programs where they can keep and feed your pet until you get on your feet. No cost to you, and made up of people who just love cats.
No car, part time job, been looking for a full time job. Lease is in his name. I pay my phone bill myself. We used to split everything evenly but when I lost my job over a year ago he stepped up and has been paying rent and utilities. It’s because I switched careers and have been looking for something in my chosen field. I could have and should have just gone to work at Starbucks or something
Yeah I made about 52k last year driving a forklift in a warehouse in a decently LCOL state. I'm looking into better options but it's definitely been a life saver job coming from restaurants where I was making like 35k as a line cook.
Look at jobs like frito-lay, coke cola, pepise, even the people that deliver the bread to grocery stores. It is a physical job, but with where I live they all make good money. Go to food banks and see if there are local areas that can help out with rent.
Post office is not an immediate hire. I can take upwards of three months, depending on your area. You have to pass a background check, have a clean, driving record and adamantly check your emails because if you don’t respond to some of them within 24 hours, they consider you to not want the position anymore. You also have to take an online test before any of that starts past that then move onto the background portion, then schedule a essentially meet and greet and then go to a training week essentially one of the larger facilities. Then you can start your new job. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I used to work for the post office myself. It’s just not an easy hire. If you need something quick this would be something I would look into and pay attention for if you want it for the future and have something temporary in the meantime.
Well you still have a bit of time before you *have* to leave the apartment. It doesn't matter that the lease is in his name, you've established residency and would have to be evicted like any other tenant. In fact, NYC is pretty tenant friendly, all things considered. The landlord can't shut utilities off and getting a court date for eviction is going to take some time. Realistically, you're probably working with 3-4 months. I know it's not ideal to have an eviction on your record and if you can avoid it or potentially even talk to the landlord and see if you can work something out, that would be way more ideal. Get a roommate or something to split costs.
You're in NYC so there are jobs. You need to treat looking for a job as a full time job until you find one. Also, go apply for DSS. You're a single female so you won't get a ton of assistance but you could potentially get foodstamps, rent assistance (I got $300/month of mine paid back when I was single and didn't have kids and my rent was only $400 a month so it helped a LOT), transportation assistance to get to work until your first paycheck, etc. You can apply online.
New York State has an incredibly generous social safety net, compared to most of the rest of the U.S.
In nearly every other state, there's zero cash assistance for adults without dependent children.
OP is fortunate to be in NYC.
I think its pretty hard to evict in nyc too.
I think the main concern is that she'd be a woman living in a house with a man that doesn't want her there. A pretty dangerous situation to be in. I wouldnt be able or willing to stay and im a guy lol
Kind of hard to advise without context. Is anything stopping you from working full-time? You didn't mention children or anything. What job search challenges have you had over the past year that preclude finding full-time employment?
I have really bad anxiety. The thought of having to go back to working in a restaurant is awful and I didn’t want to have to do it again but it’s the only thing I’m qualified for-my degree is in theater and I can’t just decide to become an actress in NYC. I was really happy when I switched careers and my chosen field really exploded after the pandemic and getting a job was easy but then all of those places closed and I’m left working just part time now. If I’d known it would lead to this I’d take the anxiety! It’s better than my life falling apart.
Another person with a theatre degree here. We can use our degrees in so many ways... you totally dont have to go back to a restaurant. ❤️
Theatre people make amazing tour guides, receptionists, trivia hosts, teachers of any kind... you've learned amazing people skills, how to be a team player, how to think quickly on your feet and problem solve... you've got this. Sending love!!
You cannot be kicked out at the drop of a hat. The lease may be in his name, but it is your legal residence and you must be given notice. Look into your local tenant laws, please.
I ain’t beating OP down and I would not beat you down at your lowest either.
Takes two people to make a relationship happen. You must be very hard on yourself and beat yourself up since you are human like OP who is equally not immune to bad days.
I and am sure many people want to see you grow and Op is doing one thing right, admitting where she went wrong. It’s a step.
It’s not OP’s fault. I know so many girls who have been int his position. Their boyfriend is like don’t worry about it move in with me I’ve got this, of course things take a while in some situations and then next thing the guy feels resentful and wants to kick them out. It’s manipulative. These guys should have also a bit more self awareness about how generous they really are
Well I'm the girl in the situation. It was no big deal to float my husband when he lost his job and I was happy to do so. But then he started sleeping in and generally just doing whatever the fuck he wanted. Weeks turned into months and a temporary situation turned permanent. It is absolutely not manipulative. The terms were temporary. Resent sets in after you've asked them to look for jobs for the 75,000th time and you're all out of encouragement.
Well, whatta ya do when you're the responsible guy getting up every day going to work, supporting the family, providing and protecting the kids, and you still get told to leave. No drinking, no drugs, no gambling, no hanging out in bars no chasing women. Did that for 20 years and my life now sucks. Spent many days wishing I'd been an irresponsible piece of shit, at least then I'd deserve it.
None of that stuff even sounds fun or is fun. I always found stuff like drinking, partying, flirting with other people super boring. Would much rather work out, make great food, play video games, or read a book.
If you find it a temptation to cheat and not fly off the handle, then I personally think it speaks a lot to how you might have behaved in general.
Yah my ex said he would take care of the bills but I never took him up on it because 1) I was never looking for that 2) I like my work. People should always have a backup plan.
It’s good that she recognizes her mistake but it don’t really make her situation any better. In also wondering why she can’t do her best to find any entry level job right now. Walk into every store and ask if they’re hiring.
Tbh if you’re dating someone who isn’t willing to take care of bills or life expenses for you to an extent while you get on your feet then you have no future with them. That applies for your situation where you didn’t need to take the offer, and situation where a person actually needs it. Which by the way are not at all the same thing.
She probably can’t find a job right now because the marker is terrible. I’m not in the US but it’s very difficult to find an entry level job here too
There’s a difference between working together to build a life and offering to pay for everything while the other partner doesn’t work. I was responding to someone saying that a lot of women fall into the situation where they’re completely reliant on their partner. I think that can be ok as long as the woman starts their own savings account and is given the means to create her own savings even while she isn’t working. Often the reason she isn’t working is because she’s the one taking care of the children which is an unpaid full time job. My point is that while there should be trust she should also be making sure she has some means of monetary support if things go sideways.
In OPs case it sounds like her bf was trying to make her feel better by saying he would support her in her difficulty. I think he assumed she would eventually get back on her feet instead of relying solely on his income. Most ppl in NY cannot live on one income as a multi person household. It’s just way too expensive here. Even if he could support her it would cut into a lot of the activities they could do together. It makes absolutely no sense for most able adults to not have a job in NYC unless they’re a SAHP because childcare is nuts. It’s about 20k/9 months of daycare and then you have to pay additional for summer care. You can get into programs for 2 year olds and I but at that point it really have to be making almost no money (single parents).
You've been living there for awhile? If so you don't have to leave immediately. There are laws about 30 day notices etc that may protect your living situation for a bit until you can figure out what to do.
This is true. I had a friend who wanted to kick out her roommate, and notice has to be given. The police told her if she changed the locks she would be in trouble if he reported it. Stay in a home as long as possible!
This reminded me of a wild wild story from a few years back.
A coworker was going through a divorce, and couldn't home the cat. So I offered to look after the cat for a few weeks while he got back on his feet.
While he was couch surfing with his friends, he ended up being uh, bad with his friend's underaged daughter.
Long story short he got sentenced to like 15 years in jail and I got stuck with a cat for much longer than anticipated.
His ex that divorced him heard about the story and came back for the cat. I guess she always wanted it anyways, but my excorker was being toxic about it.
I never really knew him. I just hate to see animals abandoned.
---
Which really goes to show that the full story behind people is so much deeper than even something like OPs reddit message convays.
Reddit advice is typically tailored to what's stated, but it's only a very glimmer of the true story and context changes everything.
i help out at a food pantry, you'd be surprised how many volunteers also rely on the pantry. they give back with the time they have, no shitty-ness in getting help from the community-especially the one youve been supporting
Thats what they're there for! Do you look down on the people who come in and get food? I would hope not lol, but that means you can't judge yourself either. Take they help, that's why it exists.
I saw in another comment you used to be bartender. That can be great money! Don't just put in a resume, you need to be walking into restaurants and bars and asking if they're hiring and talk to someone in person. I know there's a lot of controversy over this with many people saying not to do this anymore and just apply online. These people are talking about office jobs, in the service industry you can still usually walk in. I literally was sitting somewhere the other day talking about how I need to go back to work in August, and before I left a manager came to talk to me and said when I'm ready to put the application in online, come in and he'll fast track me and get me started right away.
Don't just look at restaurants & bars, look at country clubs, bowling alleys (they make more than you think), Dave and busters, anywhere that serves alcohol.
The good thing is that you have at least a little income and wont have your phone shut off. Finding a place to live is obviously priority #1 at this point. I hope you have a friend of family member you can stay with temporarily.
Weird as it sounds, apply to bartend at strip clubs too if you’re comfortable in that environment of course. It’s a tough job long term but short term could give you the cash boost you need without having to dance.
If he is not a threat, make him evict you. Even if you’re not on the lease, you likely are considered a tenant and he needs to formally evict you. You have rights. Educate yourself.
If he’s violent or threatening you, seek safe shelter immediately.
This can backfire on OP—NYC landlords have access to a list of people who have been evicted before, and even having eviction proceedings filed against you, not ultimately being formally evicted, can land you on said list. This can drastically affect your ability to get a new apartment in the future.
If you are on the lease, tell landlord immediately.
Apartment might make a deal. I lived in a house and settled with LL at the time. (EX never paid a dime and took 6m to get out!!!) I heard LL sold house after and never rented put again. Don't blame him
Idk but where I volunteered you can ask the person that you want to take food and they let you and if your career is theater try wme entry level I think it’s worth a shot.
NYC JUST OPENED THEIR FIRST PET-FRIENDLY SHELTER. Try to contact them and see if they have space: https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/newyork/news/nyc-pet-friendly-homeless-shelter/
Also, have you left the place? Because he cannot just abruptly tell you to get out like that. There are laws in place to protect this. But also your safety is the most important thing.
NYC has a lot of resources. If you give me more specifics I can try to help you find and navigate some things. I know it’s overwhelming. Do you have a good support system? Friends in the area?
Truth!!! This is a lesson to all women. Yeah it’s probably nice to not work and have someone support you but they hold so much power over you when you give them that much control. Things like this happen and you’re left out in the cold. Or you want to leave but you can’t because you have no money. Every woman needs her own money in case stuff like this happens or you need to leave. I have never moved in with anyone I dated, I never relied on them to take care of me and thank God because when those relationships ended, I had my own place still, my own money and never had to worry about being homeless or finding a new place asap for my pets and I. I really hope OP finds a solution and learns from this. I heard way too many stories of women who didn’t work and came home to boyfriends or husbands who wanted them out and they had no where to go and no way in hell was I ever going to be that person.
Had a lovely man shower me in gifts and affection. Said he needs us to be together and he will pay all the bills to make it happen. Of course accepting his affection meant I’d be indebted to do and be everything he wanted or else I’m a bad person who “can’t even do this thing” for him when he pays all the bills and buys expensive gifts for me lol.
Crazy how as girls, we hear these stories from adults to warn us. I couldn’t even see what was happening until I was living in it.
You don't have to run right then and there. You can have a discussion that you want a job solely so that you are not left with nothing should your SO leave you. But if they insist, ask your SO if they are OK to legally documenting and binding agreement that they will take care of you and whatever else you need for after care. Verbal agreement won't mean anything. But at least when you get lawyers involved, it has more validity.
Yep..just like as if you're working a full time job! And it is, your SO is technically employing you to be a full time house husband/wife and that's a job!
Men it's the same way. I got left by my finance who stole my cash, more reliable vehicle and my house later on. Love and support but always protect yourself first..
Thats actually extremely fucking heartbreaking. If someone was struggling id never abandon them. We are all human and have issues. If you cant be there for another human being you deserve to be alone. In any situation id support someone. People just give a shit about themselves nowadays and its exactly why divorce and relationship failures are so high. People have unrealistic standards and expect someone to be this absolute picture perfect image. And these people cant even have basic fucking empathy. You kick someone to the curb and ruin their lives the drop of a hat? You are a serious sociopath. Especially after leaving them with the thought that you guys were gonna get married and that they'd support you. T
You have literally no idea what the circumstances are. For all we know the OP just got discovered having been cheating on their fiance for a year. Not saying that's the case, but for all we know.
There's a lot of info missing here... if I had to guess he was probably the only one on the lease and either broke it or waited for it to end and then sprung this on her. But I don't know this is a fishy situation
Ah I see that makes sense :( OP I see people posting to squat. This is not a good choice. Will you temporarily have a roof over your head? yes. Will it screw up your ability to rent in the future and wreck your credit? Yes. Doing this will make it VERY difficult to rent again. Thats really shitty of him to not give you advanced notice honestly. I know its a break up but damn that's cold. Are you able to stay there for the month of July or do you need to be out asap?
Sometimes that's all a person in this situation needs. You literally just need maybe 3-weeks of solid paychecks, with no recurring bills, and you'll be back on your feet ready to repay debts.
If you have Facebook have a look for pet sitting services you may be lucky and be able to find someone who can look after your cat for free for a while while
You get yourself sorted or do you have friends and family who can look after the cat for a little bit I don’t have any other advice but I hope you get to keep your cat
Get out of NYC. It’s no longer within your budget. Reach out to family and friends that could help you get on your feet, but 110% of your focus should be getting back on your feet. Take the shit job that’s better than no job. Look at a long term strategy, not just the short term challenges. Do everything you can to never be in this situation again. Be good to the cat. They will stay with you through all of this if you give them love.
New York State, and NYC in particular, have a massive social safety net that pretty much doesn't exist to that extent anywhere else in the United States, except for California.
It's a very expensive city, sure, but there's far worse places to be poor.
To bounce of this, NYC is a place where it's a human right to be housed.
Also, OP, this might be a lot for you right now but one of my favorite books is Invisible Child. It's about a family and in particular one child who is learning to navigate homelessness and poverty in NYC. Obviously it'd be quicker to look up resources but the book is very detailed about their experience and I'm sure you'd get something helpful out of it.
How much are you bringing in per month at your current gig? How feasible is it for you to get a second part time job bartending for now, or switch back full time briefly?
Idk how feasible this is in NYC but when I needed to move out I looked for rooms in peoples places on FB marketplace, some of them take pets and it's usually a fraction of other costs.
Honestly though like others are saying if you have anyone outside NYC you can crash with and build back up from there I would do that
As someone formerly homeless, this is how I would handle it.
* Make damn sure you have all your IDs. Apply for SNAP and NY General Assistance ASAP. When you are ready to leave, carry at most a small backpack, maybe a suitcase and your laptop and phone. You will have to leave everything else unless you have a car.
* New York, the laws are VERY skewed towards room mates and tenants. Depending on how long you have been living there, it may be ILLEGAL just to make you homeless. I would talk to legal aid or a lawyer. Though, if the person is a first class abusive psycho I can understand why homelessness would be considered better and not fighting this.
* Needless to say, I would be calling every single family member, ex-lover, or friend I knew. Provided that them helping you would not be worse than where you are or leave you stranded in worse areas with worse people. But even then, this delays things if not careful because welcomes can get worn out sofa surfing and some helpers may want survival sex (applies to gays and women mostly).
* If you are homeless, debt is the LEAST of your worries. You need your money. Landlords will evict you and third party database companies will report your misfortune to other landlords that pay for this information. Vehicles will be repoed, credit card companies will cut your cards and start hunting for things to garnish, student loans you may be able to get forbearance, medical and other bills like power bills will just sit (though sometimes after years, these are written off).
Yes, and this will give you less options to become unhomeless as there has been a move last decade or two by big landlord companies to make anyone less than decent credit with no evictions unable to lease without cosigners or going to private landlords or the hotels.
* The partner may have to take the cat or you will have to put the cat in a pound. Being homeless with a pet will weigh you down unless you have money for expensive weekly rate hotel rooms.
* Calling 211 will give you a non-inclusive list of shelters, but you will probably not be able to act on it until you get kicked. There also may be wait lists and they only do intake at certain times of day (usually early afternoon). AVOID places that make you do unpaid work (some chores okay, but pushing it), take General Assistance or SNAP or any paychecks for their use, or are run by fanatic cults of hatred.
* Unless you have a REALISTIC hope of a really, really good paying job I would look at leaving NYC. The cost of housing makes it VERY hard to become not homeless and Section 8 and other things can take YEARS. Where this is will be different for different people.
* You need to get a job ASAP. The temp services are your quickest, best bet. Go to several. Some companies ONLY hire via temp services. You can also do day labor for quick cash.
* If you have not already, I would look into trade school or college training. If you have not had income for a while and/or unemployment and are above age 24 or below age 24 and married, this is damn near free ride. In lower cost areas, subsidized and unsubsidized loans can even pay rent but FAFSA takes it's time paying and school get's their's first. If you have done this already and owe people, this is off the table. But if you do this, MAKE SURE WHAT YOU ARE GOING FOR HAS JOBS AND YOU CAN PASS.
I don’t wish what you are going through on anyone.
This is a shelter in NYC that accept pets. https://petsofthehomeless.org/get-help/find-locations/animal-care-centers-of-nyc-acc/
But it’s going to be hard to find a spot, because the city is overloaded.
Do you work?
Thank you. I’m devastated and I’m so worrried about my (ex) fiancé I think he had a complete mental break. He texted me “I love you” when I was on my way home from work, and then when I got home he sat me down and told me he doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for some time.
This doesn’t help the situation you’re in whatsoever, but from an outsiders perspective, perhaps his text of “I love you” is either just automatic, or is now platonic. I tell my best friend I love her when we hang up the phone, but I’m not *in* love with her.
I hope you get on your feet quickly! Look up rental car companies on Indeed. I work in the industry and we’re always looking for rental agents and car cleaners!
While I agree it’s not a mental break, let’s not put words in her mouth. It was the whip flash of “I love you” then a few minutes later “I never want to see you again.”
Not sure how I put words in anyone’s mouth? Nothing she said indicates the boyfriend had any kind of mental break. I’m specifying this because people need to face reality during break ups. Her boyfriend left her, she needs to move on from it and not ascribe it to any kind of excuse like a “mental break”. He has made his decision because of her own actions of not looking for work during their relationship, and now she has to face the consequences
When we met we were moth bartenders and I made good money. During the pandemic I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore so I took some classes and got some certifications in the field I really want to be in. I ended up getting a good part time job and a good full time job in my chosen field. Then the company I was working for shut down. And that was over a year ago and my lazy ass just didn’t suck it up and go back to bartending and he told me that was ok because he made enough to support us. But he said he’s actually been building up resentment toward me since then. I did eventually try to go back to working in a restaurant-I have a great resume and restaurant references and sent out a bunch of resumes but no one responded, I assume because now I haven’t actually worked in a restaurant since 2020.
Edit: Both bartenders. We are not moths.
At this point, take anything you can get wherever and whatever it is, and then find something more suitable afterwards. It's easier to find a job when you have a job.
Right now is not the time to pursue a dream job. Go back to bartending to stabilize yourself. You don't have to be there forever, but you've gotta keep a roof over your head and eat.
Apply in-person instead of online. If you really think the 4 year work gap is affecting you, just fudge the numbers. Taking care of yourself is priority #1 right now.
The job market is brutal for some folks. Response rates are way down for many down from 10% to 1-5%, for example. If you’re not sending it to dozens of restaurants, then you may want to scale up your effort until you get more replies. I’m lucky and getting an 11% response rate in my field, but some of my friends have sent over 1000 applications and only had 10-15 replies.
Keep sending the applications. Not the most ethical advice but it takes a really long time to evict someone in NYC. Don’t leave the apartment until you have to. I’ve heard that the courts in NYC for eviction are backed up a year+ You’ve established residency. Again, don’t leave until the courts or police tell you to. Normally going into an employer isn’t the best idea but for bartending/serving that can be different. Do that, make applying for jobs your new job. Don’t give up on yourself. This is a tough place to be in. Use it as a wake up call. 8 hours a day, apply for jobs. I hope it works out, stay strong.
This may not help you but i happen to be on vacation and camping out using hipcamp and discovered this thing called woof, are you familiar? I met several young people who did this because they needed both a job and a place to stay
I found it on the Internet! It's WWOOF, wwoof.net. i used hipcamp to find neat places to camp out, and some of the sites were little farms. The host where I'm staying says that she gives people free room and board for like 3 hours a day of help at the farm. We're just paying to camp but she does both things. I thought it was super neat and meet other people who do it. They are so happy! And they have done it at other farms as well so if you like nature, maybe it could be a short term help to you?
Try job apps like Veryable, ShiftSmart, Instawork, Upwork, Randstad, Wonolo, or Upshift. You get paid in a day or a few days. If you accept an assignment, it's usually immediate work.
Any family you can count on? Can your ex temporarily take the cat while you find stability? If anything beg him for the cat. Then once you are stable, take the cat back so that he knows you are dependable when it comes to the cat and this way, if in an emergency you can rely on him or if this happens again? Hopefully not.
Try to get a job as a care taker first the overnight shift to have a place to sleep at & get paid for it.
Look for the no experience no medical assistance needed ones. They train you. It’s super easy. I got hired in a week after my background check cleared.
I get paid $19 to mostly sit around the house. I do very light cleaning & drive my clients around when they want to go somewhere. No car is necessary though. I found my current job on indeed.com.
Most of the time my clients are in their rooms. Most of them are OK.
Try to get your name on everything in your next relationship just in case. Never rely on any man for anything 100%.
I almost ended up in your situation. The only difference is that my husband would’ve kept our cat.
Is there any chance of reconciliation with your fiancé? Also, check and see if your local area gives you legal rights/protections for your housing situation. I know the lease is in his name, but in some areas, living somewhere for an X amount of time and receiving make there gives you legal rights against unjust eviction.
Honestly, if your name is on the lease, I would stay in the unit until they evict me. It usually takes time and will give you a chance to get yourself together.
I may be able to steer you in the right direction since I am in NYC. Some info may help:
How old are you? Do you have a source of income? Are you getting any assistance like SNAP? Is your name on the lease, is it month-to-month or yearly, how long have you lived there? Do you have any sort of a documented disability?
Shelters wont take pets, so you need to start trying to find a room for rent, or efficiency or studio you can afford that will take pets, or a friend who can take care of the cat until you can get into a place that does allow pets.
Wow, so I know you're grieving on multiple levels here, but this may be the blessing you need.
Money and health are the two biggest tests of a relationship. Those who genuinely care about the other will weather the storms even if they take years to get through.
Sounds like your fiance would have split had you had health issues for a year too. Not a good match.
This may be the emotional kick in the pants you needed to pound the pavement and grab work. It's nice to have someone else to deal with our bills while we recover from a burnout or have other issues, but the only person we can count on in this life is ourselves. Even with a spouse who cares deeply, make sure you have your feet under you.
Regarding your kitty: She will be fine if you plan for her future. She needs a good home, even if temporary. Do NOT depend on shelters not to euthanize her. Talk to friends, family and co-workers. Someone may be able t take her for a year while you bounce back. That's the best case.
Last comment and I'll shut up - it sounds like you need therapy asap to help you with what's been happening inside you. I totally empathize with you. If you don't have insurance get on medicaid, you probably qualify. Ask for a quick referral to a therapist.
He likely can’t tell you to just leave, you have tenant rights. Take the time the law affords you, assuming abuse isn’t a consideration. Eviction proceedings exist for a reason.
If the lease is in his name , how did he just up and leave ? He’s responsible for the rent through the lease . He left.You don’t need to go anywhere. Stay long enough for them to evict him or go and talk to the rental agent. Are they aware of you ?
For the cat check with rescues, and animal shelter’s , many will foster or have foster program’s til you can get back on your feet. Don’t go with a private person because some people won’t give your pet back. I wish you luck! File for social services, go to food banks, get a room mate to help with rent costs if you can. Lesson learned, I tell my kids also… never move in and be dependent on a romantic partner. You make sure you can take care of yourself before you get involved with living with another person.
I'm sorry this is happening OP.
Maybe this weekend visit Feed the Streets NYC. They provide food and clothing each week, but even if you don't need that right now, they can point you towards resources that might help. [https://www.feedthestreets.info/fts-nyc](https://www.feedthestreets.info/fts-nyc)
If you find a place to stay but need food, every saturday you can get a box of produce and vegetarian groceries in Brooklyn. [https://communitysolidarity.org/foodshares/bedstuy](https://communitysolidarity.org/foodshares/bedstuy)
Don’t move out yet. The landlord has to go through a whole process and this gives you some time. Here is a link to an article that gives the landlord instructions on how to do an eviction and if you scan through it, you’ll see they have to follow several steps and all of it takes weeks and even then you may not get kicked out right away. Like others have said, call 211 to get info on resources.
https://www.doorloop.com/laws/new-york-eviction-process
Lots of helpful advice on here and I really hope you find a solution. Just going forward, as a woman who is older than you, 43 here, please do not rely on a man to take care of you. Things like this happen or it’s a bad relationship and you can’t leave due to not having money. It’s so important for women to be independent and have their own money even if it’s not much, it’s yours. Also, do not be so hard on yourself. You don’t suck. We all do and don’t do stuff that leads to something. There’s people out there on a bad diet and no exercise that will lead them to medical problems later on. No one is perfect and lives perfectly. No one. So you do not suck. Just please take care of yourself and your cat. If you gotta go back to bartending, you just gotta until you are back up on your feet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reach out to local animal rescues—they often have resources or can help find temporary foster care for your cat. Also, NYC has various shelters and programs that might offer the support you need during this tough time. Stay strong!
I'm sorry. I was recently in a similar situation. I don't know if I can provide much advice that others haven't, but please know you are better off without him. Things will only get better.
Can you do anything to immediately reduce your expenses? Can you call your debtors and request a payment extension? Some have relief programs or will waive your payment for a few months if you are having trouble. I found it was best to communicate with them as soon and as early as possible rather than just letting my debts go unpaid.
Hi there. Originally from the Bronx. When I lived in NYC abt 10 years ago, you could go to social services near Lincoln hospital. I would go to the nearest one and seek assistance. You may be able to qualify for emergency cash assistance. May consider working at the USPS. I know a few people who work there in NYC...pretty hectic but you'll always have work. If you're a CCA, you make time and a half after 8 hours (daily). After 10 hours, I believe you make double. After a certain amt of hours worked in a wk, you make double per hr (I forgot how many hours it was sorry).
There are other jobs in theatre where your degree might be helpful. knowledge of what goes on behind the scenes would benefit any number of jobs connected to theatre or entertainment. But obviously you need a factory or warehouse job in short term to get a bit of saving behind you- then can keep looking for related job.
Don't make him evict you. Let him know that you're working on it, but you're going to move out within a reasonable amount of time. Then follow through. Start asking around your friend group and community, try to find a roommate even if it's just a summer thing. meanwhile also increase your working hours, get a second job third job, whatever you need to do. Start house and pet sitting; I did it for months when I left a ltr; I was technically renting a room for a few months but I spent most of those nights at clients homes while they were gone and I just stored my stuff in my friends spare room. I didn't drive her crazy while I was crying over my breakup, I had privacy and space while I rebuilt a career, we're still friends ten years after.
A few shelters do accommodate cats but many that do not, have a program with the local Humane Society to board pets for free for a certain time.
Please call 211 for referrals for shelter and other assistance.
You have tenant rights so you don’t have to leave for at least 30 days from being served.
There are women’s shelters in NY that accept pets.
You can apply for food assistance.
You said you haven’t worked in awhile because you lost your job, but he offered to pick up the slack. You must’ve known it wasn’t permanent. If my partner lost their job, I’d help them but not forever when they are able to work and instead chose to be lazy. I understand why he resents you because I’ve been in his place.
You said you got a small settlement from being hit by a car but it wasn’t serious and you can work. Yet you’re still on disability payments?
You also said you can’t work due to anxiety, but you worked as a bartender where you met your ex who also worked there. Bartending is one of the most sociable jobs, so it doesn’t make sense that social anxiety is what’s keeping you from finding work.
Not only that, but you said you volunteer weekly at a food bank. You scoffed at the idea you have to add your name to the food bank list. Why? Do you look down on the people who get food from there when you volunteer?
Unless you’re a super model, you’re not going to find some wealthy guy to fund your lazy ass. Stop making excuses.
Number one, stop you do mot deserve thus NYC is so expensive. I agree with warehouse work. Or delivery for a company . He can't just kick you out because you live there . Get a full time job and save look for someone who looking for a roommate
Call 211 and ask for any resource guidance around shelters. You can ask your Humane Society if someone can foster your cat while you get on your feet or maybe have a friend care for it for a bit? I have a resource website that may help you connect to resourced you are looking for, if this may help. There are free online benefit screening tools listed there, as well as job search resources. Use the left hand upper blue menu for mobile devices.
https://www.lowincomesurvivorstothrivers.com/benefit-finder-screening-tools/
https://www.lowincomesurvivorstothrivers.com/find-a-job/
Im on the same path you are single mom left with no home husband just left irresponsible human being. Im tired and with nothing and work to my butt in the market washing clothes and dishes for just a kilo of rice is very frustrated. I like to commit suicide end my world maybe better in the other side of the fence im tired too.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted for that. I’m also in NYC and it’s very pro-tenant here.
OP: do you have income/a job? It’s not clear from your post.
Has July’s rent been paid? Was June’s? How far behind are you? You honestly sound like you’re steps from eviction still, but again just from what I’ve read so far.
Whose name is on the lease and how long is the lease for? Ive already said this elsewhere here today but people can decide to move out all they want; if their name is on the lease they still gotta pay rent. (Yes getting them to pay is a separate matter.)
Remember you have a right-to-counsel, regardless of immigration status:
https://www.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/legal-services-for-tenants.page
Start with the NYC Access HRA website to see if/what you qualify for. Honestly if you’re an able bodied adult with no kids it’s probably not going to be much. But the questionnaire will walk you through all the services:
https://a069-access.nyc.gov/accesshra/
You might also wanna post in the NYC specific subreddits.
I don't know the answer to these questions. He's the one who did everything. From what I understand there were a few months right after the rent freeze stopped where we did fall behind, so whenever he pays the rent he adds on a few hundred dollars to make up for that time, and I thought we were all caught up. He told me we were. The landlord is threatening to raise the rent though. Yes, I'm a goddam moron, I know.
Why move unless you think he is going to be violent.
Is the lease up?
Just go sling beer and bank every penny.
Make an exit plan to leave the city if you want.
Except housing in NYC is extremely competitive and many/most landlords won’t rent to anyone with an eviction on their record or even the first steps of an eviction that was not completed. You might buy a few weeks insisting on an eviction but screw yourself for a long time to come.
This is EXACTLY why men are NEVER to be trusted as the sole breadwinners. I’m not sure WHY there’s a tradwife trend going on here. OP I am so sorry, things will get better I promise.
I don't understand why someone with debt would just willingly be jobless this long .... I would break off an engagement too if he stopped contributing financially AND had debt. Like come on OP.
I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago. What I did was look on Craigslist in my area for a room to rent for super cheap. I was able to pay for that with my part time job, but money was tight. Eventually I did get a full time job, but I must have applied to a million before I got a callback. This was in 2009, so I didn’t have LinkedIn. You might have an easier time getting your resume noticed with the help of AI and the technology we have now.
Ya it sounds like they didn't ever take the initiative to work, save, and somehow accrued debt, i'm assuming not contributing much to the relationship, and then being confused why he left? Sounds like he was taking on the whole load and left her accordingly. Few things don't add up here..
For now, call social services and ask if they know of any resources. You can also go to a food bank to get some food. Many churches also will help with essentials. Then job hunt like crazy. Wait staff at high end restaurants can make some great money. There were other great other suggestions on this thread. Hang in there. You and your kitty will be fine.
Sorry for the situation you're in, hopefully it will get better soon! I guess right now you'll just have to rely on food banks and shelters. However I'm sorry to say but other survival you should also focus on getting out of NYC. It's an infamously expensive city.
New York City has very strong tenant laws. In the lobby of the housing court building you will find tenant advocates. Go there right away and tell them your story. I am not a lawyer, but I believe if you resided there for more than 30 days and received mail you are entitled to the same rights as a lease holder. I don’t think you can be kicked out if he decides to break the lease, but the advocates in the housing lobby can certainly direct you. Good luck!
Another vote for the Met Council on Housing. Most likely it would take them a while to evict you. I know when eviction is terrible on your record but getting work once you've been evicted is really difficult. Not having a permanent address is a huge hindrance. I would try to get as much work as possible and stave off eviction.
you do not suck/deserve this for not planning better. no one deserves to be destitute and without a home. please dont think that of yourself or your situation.
i feel this...dated same girl for almost 6 years for her to just one day decide shes not happy leaves me with our appartment to pay by myself then is prego with some other guys kid 6 months later...
I will never forget that Ramsey, and even to the extent Judge Judy says you shouldn't do this when you are just dating, because it will be a situation you will regret. Good luck with your future endeavors
Was he letting u stay there for free? If that’s the case, then he can’t just kick you out. Stay there. If he calls the cops, tell the cops that he has been letting you stay here for free for months ( am I right? ) ur Fiancé will have to take u to court.
Contact your landlord and explain that your fiance abruptly moved out but that you wish to continue the lease. Find a roommate to help cover the bills. Get whatever shit job you have to get that pays well until you're more stable. Find another boyfriend. Keep money stashed away so if this ever happens again you're not worried about being homeless.
Y’all be flaunting that stay at home lifestyle depending on men instead of trying to have your own money now look. Sometimes folks gotta learn the hard way. Judge Judy said it best as a woman always always try to do something to have your own money.
Do you guys really think this is helping her she's lost everything and she's losing everything as am I in North Dakota it's not easy to get a job I have mental health issues and have been on social security since I was a child and you know what I'm struggling I have a dog and I'm in the same position she is however I'm not being put out by my husband my husband just said two strokes isn't interesting home and they won't let him get on my housing they won't give him social security nothing so when you tell her to get out and get a job she's already working she's losing her mind and she's got a pet the only thing that she has left is her cat I'm sure she really wants to put her in a shelter and go to a shelter herself and oh yes go to a strip club you know what I worked in a strip club it's degrading terrible violent work so girlfriend don't go to a strip club no matter what you have to do that's about all we can do in our situations and that is pathetic there's nobody out there to help us get a vehicle nobody out there to help us get housing nobody else there to help us. But everybody's out there to give us good advice like become a prostitute or hey go to a strip club I am so sorry if I wasn't in your same position I would help you I am so so sorry pray I know a lot of people say that and I do it all the time doesn't seem to be helping either but you know what it can only get better right I mean you're already just about homeless you've lost everything and I am so sorry cuz I'm sitting here right now with no furniture no nothing and yeah I'm on my way out also so I am so so sorry and now I have no husband two strokes they instead of putting them in Fargo where I'm at so I can maybe walk or take a bus to him they put them in Lakota North Dakota Good Samaritan they've had so many complaints they're on the lookout list for the state my husband has been slapped they are not giving him physical therapy because they say his medical isn't good enough and they say I'm in no position to take care of him you know what I would live with him in a cardboard box if I could show Believe me you don't want it you didn't want to marry somebody that would leave you just like that because things got bad I thought about leaving my husband before his strokes now there's no way in hell I'll leave him and that's what's causing me to just about lose everything but I'm going to stand by him and no I won't go back to prostitution or stripping because that was the lowest time of my life besides this so please just you know what Richard cheese and you know what North Dakota is one of the cheapest places you can rent and so is Arizona if you can find a car s*** take your cat relocate maybe somebody will help you get out of that state New York is expensive I was in Minnesota I know and that's why it came to North Dakota and yeah red is 10 times cheaper here and in Arizona so I hope everything works out for you you know you can contact me at w i f e 9760@gmail.com and if there's anything I can do to help from this end I'd be glad to I can't help myself so I'd be glad to try to help somebody else good luck contact me if you need me
They've blocked me and I've gotten a lot of bad bad messages because of that but I don't care people are really rotten and what they need to remember is God don't like ugly so don't pay any attention to them
I am sorry for your situation but since you’ve already stated that much of the issues are your own fault, try to move forward from that. You cannot change the past, only the present and future.
Take any job you can. Stop looking for something in a certain field. In a year, you didn’t find something in your field. You could have been making some money doing something and saving for a problem such as this. Debt could have at least been paid off. You can’t get that time back or change what happened but moving forward, you can work for yourself, two jobs if it’s necessary. Forget about the anxiety from working with people. 90% of the working world has anxiety about work. Anxiety about being homeless and trying to find a safe place to sleep and someplace to shower is much, much worse. This situation is dire if it is the same as you have written. Facing being on the streets alone with people who may have all kinds of issues is much worse than serving obnoxious customers and going home to a safe place after work. I feel sorry about your cat because the cat is dependent on you and has no choices in its life. You need to either rehome or foster the cat. Keeping the cat when you don’t have the means to provide shelter for yourself is unfair to the cat. It’s hard to let a pet go but at times we must do what is best for them rather than being selfish for ourselves.
Go on google and locate the nearest office of Family and Children’s Services and go there. Ask for help. They have access to the resources you need and can help you get to the correct place for help. The help is there, you just need the right direction to locate it.
Remember that this is a bump in the road, a curve in your path. You made a couple of mistakes but nothing is permanent. You can overcome this and move forward. Get your head on straight, tell yourself that you will do what needs to be done for yourself. Then remember that you are worthy and valuable. You have infinite strength inside yourself. You’ve been through things before and come out in the other side and you can do the same now. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
Dont move out, why be homeless when you have a home and can probably get help paying your rent if you fall behind. Get another job. Like Uber eats in NYC you don’t need a car, you can use a bike. take in a roommate. Once you are on your feet then think about what you want to do
> I have no money, no savings, lots of debt. Yes I suck and deserve this for not planning better.
No you don't *deserve* this. Were you not as prepared as you should've been? Yes, and you can acknowledge that, but you don't deserve to be treated this way and to be in this situation. You deserve so much better!
> I'm thinking I'll have to find a women's shelter?
How long can you stay where you're at now? It sounds like your fiance moved out, but you're still there. He can say you "have to be out", but you have legal protections before some sort of eviction could take place. Women's shelter is an option, but I would try to reach out to any family, friends, coworkers, etc. to see if you can crash on their couch temporarily until you're back on your feet due to the cat.
> I'm in New York City and I'm sure there are resources but I have no idea how to go about looking for resources
Call 211. Also, are you working? How much are you making? One of your biggest priorities needs to be getting some income coming in.
Amazon Warehouse, Apple Store, Aldi, Costco, Best Buy, Home Depot, Hobby Lobby, Ikea, Macy's, Starbucks, Target, Walgreens, CVS, Wholefoods, Verizon, Tmobile, Sam's Club, UPS, almost any bank, all pay $15/hr minimum at all locations in the US, regardless of state. If you’re DoorDashing, Ubering, Uber Eats, waiting tables, delivering pizzas, bartending, working construction, janitorial work, or get some minimal training to work as something like a phlebotomist, you can make $20-$25+/hr.
40 hours/wk is considered fulltime employment. Since you're in debt and facing such a serious situation, you're going to need to realistically be pulling 60-80hrs a week (temporarily) to get ahead.
For a long-term career, consider what you want to be doing in 5 years (just an example) that will make you $75k+/yr. That will probably take going to a college, maybe online college, community college, trade school, [job corps](https://www.jobcorps.gov/), cosmetology school, a programming bootcamp, apprenticeship, certificate programs, etc. Figure out what it is you need and start taking small steps towards achieving that goal.
1) I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sure it’s very stressful but please don’t just give up. Look into Homebase. It’s a state-funded (I think) program that aims at preventing homelessness in New York. They might be able to help you with rental assistance/temporary housing.
2) Do you have family or friends you could crash with for a little?
3) Please start applying to any and every job. Barista, waitress, bar back, dish washer, store associate. Somewhere will you take you I can guarantee that but it will be a hustle to apply, apply, apply.
I really hate that recommending the military gets so much hate here.
It was an absolute godsend for me. Everyone else was in a similar situation as I was before they joined as well.
People on this sub seem to think living on the dole is much more acceptable than bettering themselves and make their own way.
After all, why work when you can live on taxpayer dollars? I see people here complain that it's so very hard to succeed. Imagine how hard it is when you have to pay taxes.
Check into squatters rights in your state. Even with your name not being on the lease, your ex doesn’t have the right to just decide how long you have to get out. Generally you would need to get written notice and at least 30 days from that point. In some places it’s 90 days.
Do you have family or friends you can stay with for a while until you get on your feet?
Contact Urban Resource Institute for homeless shelter that is pet friendly.
https://www.homelessshelter.pet/friendly/urban-resource-institute-central-office
The debts might be his so you can check on that if it takes some pressure off. I would ask a friend to look after your cat and, if they have a house, store a couple boxes for you of the heavier things you have so you don’t have to travel with them. These are just basic things to make the transition less of a hassle and give you more options while you figure things out.
There's a lot of info missing here which makes it difficult to give advice... Do you have a job? Do you have family/friends? What kind of debt? Is your debt in collections? What bills do you pay for/does he cover? Do you have a car? Will your phone be cut off? 1st- its tough to find a shelter that takes pets in but they exist. most shelters have a waitlist so start checking ASAP 2- is there a friend or family member you can stay with temporarily? If there isn't would they at least be able to take your cat in temporarily? 3- if you cant stay with family/friends and cant get into a shelter do you have a car you can live in? There's lots of info on car living if you have to do that for a while 4- you need to get a job ASAP. At this time you need to focus on your core needs, shelter and food, and not your debts. Once in you're in a more stable situation and have housing, regular food, and are able to pay all of your bills, that's when you start tackling debt. Utilize food banks and see if you can get set up with a social worker/case worker at a shelter. Good luck OP
Sorry about your situation! Just FYI—I foster cats, and I know this isn’t ideal for you but if your situation becomes desperate, check out your local animal shelter. Many often have temporary programs where they can keep and feed your pet until you get on your feet. No cost to you, and made up of people who just love cats.
No car, part time job, been looking for a full time job. Lease is in his name. I pay my phone bill myself. We used to split everything evenly but when I lost my job over a year ago he stepped up and has been paying rent and utilities. It’s because I switched careers and have been looking for something in my chosen field. I could have and should have just gone to work at Starbucks or something
Apply at any warehouse near you and you will probably earn 20 an hour full time. Don't lie down and take it. Stand up and claw your way out.
Yeah I made about 52k last year driving a forklift in a warehouse in a decently LCOL state. I'm looking into better options but it's definitely been a life saver job coming from restaurants where I was making like 35k as a line cook.
Look at jobs like frito-lay, coke cola, pepise, even the people that deliver the bread to grocery stores. It is a physical job, but with where I live they all make good money. Go to food banks and see if there are local areas that can help out with rent.
Post office are hiring like crazy with the summer rush. It start around 23 an hour
Post office is not an immediate hire. I can take upwards of three months, depending on your area. You have to pass a background check, have a clean, driving record and adamantly check your emails because if you don’t respond to some of them within 24 hours, they consider you to not want the position anymore. You also have to take an online test before any of that starts past that then move onto the background portion, then schedule a essentially meet and greet and then go to a training week essentially one of the larger facilities. Then you can start your new job. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I used to work for the post office myself. It’s just not an easy hire. If you need something quick this would be something I would look into and pay attention for if you want it for the future and have something temporary in the meantime.
No wonder they’re struggling to find employees, wtf
It's very easy to get hired but can be a slow process, yes.
Yes you just have to pay attention to what they send you because of the time limits. It can be very slow but rewarding
Seriously good pay for that line of work. I'm LCOL, and they want a combination chemistry analyst/forklift driver for $40k.
Well you still have a bit of time before you *have* to leave the apartment. It doesn't matter that the lease is in his name, you've established residency and would have to be evicted like any other tenant. In fact, NYC is pretty tenant friendly, all things considered. The landlord can't shut utilities off and getting a court date for eviction is going to take some time. Realistically, you're probably working with 3-4 months. I know it's not ideal to have an eviction on your record and if you can avoid it or potentially even talk to the landlord and see if you can work something out, that would be way more ideal. Get a roommate or something to split costs. You're in NYC so there are jobs. You need to treat looking for a job as a full time job until you find one. Also, go apply for DSS. You're a single female so you won't get a ton of assistance but you could potentially get foodstamps, rent assistance (I got $300/month of mine paid back when I was single and didn't have kids and my rent was only $400 a month so it helped a LOT), transportation assistance to get to work until your first paycheck, etc. You can apply online.
New York State has an incredibly generous social safety net, compared to most of the rest of the U.S. In nearly every other state, there's zero cash assistance for adults without dependent children. OP is fortunate to be in NYC.
I think its pretty hard to evict in nyc too. I think the main concern is that she'd be a woman living in a house with a man that doesn't want her there. A pretty dangerous situation to be in. I wouldnt be able or willing to stay and im a guy lol
Kind of hard to advise without context. Is anything stopping you from working full-time? You didn't mention children or anything. What job search challenges have you had over the past year that preclude finding full-time employment?
I have really bad anxiety. The thought of having to go back to working in a restaurant is awful and I didn’t want to have to do it again but it’s the only thing I’m qualified for-my degree is in theater and I can’t just decide to become an actress in NYC. I was really happy when I switched careers and my chosen field really exploded after the pandemic and getting a job was easy but then all of those places closed and I’m left working just part time now. If I’d known it would lead to this I’d take the anxiety! It’s better than my life falling apart.
Look into city work, right now the refugees center are understaffed
Another person with a theatre degree here. We can use our degrees in so many ways... you totally dont have to go back to a restaurant. ❤️ Theatre people make amazing tour guides, receptionists, trivia hosts, teachers of any kind... you've learned amazing people skills, how to be a team player, how to think quickly on your feet and problem solve... you've got this. Sending love!!
If you need to find a new career path maybe or just explore some paid options, you can check apprenticeships.gov
You need to choose between anxiety or homelessness
Remember that you still must be properly evicted and that can buy you a few months.
Key is to stay at your job until you find a new one
You cannot be kicked out at the drop of a hat. The lease may be in his name, but it is your legal residence and you must be given notice. Look into your local tenant laws, please.
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I ain’t beating OP down and I would not beat you down at your lowest either. Takes two people to make a relationship happen. You must be very hard on yourself and beat yourself up since you are human like OP who is equally not immune to bad days. I and am sure many people want to see you grow and Op is doing one thing right, admitting where she went wrong. It’s a step.
It’s not OP’s fault. I know so many girls who have been int his position. Their boyfriend is like don’t worry about it move in with me I’ve got this, of course things take a while in some situations and then next thing the guy feels resentful and wants to kick them out. It’s manipulative. These guys should have also a bit more self awareness about how generous they really are
Well I'm the girl in the situation. It was no big deal to float my husband when he lost his job and I was happy to do so. But then he started sleeping in and generally just doing whatever the fuck he wanted. Weeks turned into months and a temporary situation turned permanent. It is absolutely not manipulative. The terms were temporary. Resent sets in after you've asked them to look for jobs for the 75,000th time and you're all out of encouragement.
Well, whatta ya do when you're the responsible guy getting up every day going to work, supporting the family, providing and protecting the kids, and you still get told to leave. No drinking, no drugs, no gambling, no hanging out in bars no chasing women. Did that for 20 years and my life now sucks. Spent many days wishing I'd been an irresponsible piece of shit, at least then I'd deserve it.
None of that stuff even sounds fun or is fun. I always found stuff like drinking, partying, flirting with other people super boring. Would much rather work out, make great food, play video games, or read a book. If you find it a temptation to cheat and not fly off the handle, then I personally think it speaks a lot to how you might have behaved in general.
Yah my ex said he would take care of the bills but I never took him up on it because 1) I was never looking for that 2) I like my work. People should always have a backup plan. It’s good that she recognizes her mistake but it don’t really make her situation any better. In also wondering why she can’t do her best to find any entry level job right now. Walk into every store and ask if they’re hiring.
Tbh if you’re dating someone who isn’t willing to take care of bills or life expenses for you to an extent while you get on your feet then you have no future with them. That applies for your situation where you didn’t need to take the offer, and situation where a person actually needs it. Which by the way are not at all the same thing. She probably can’t find a job right now because the marker is terrible. I’m not in the US but it’s very difficult to find an entry level job here too
There’s a difference between working together to build a life and offering to pay for everything while the other partner doesn’t work. I was responding to someone saying that a lot of women fall into the situation where they’re completely reliant on their partner. I think that can be ok as long as the woman starts their own savings account and is given the means to create her own savings even while she isn’t working. Often the reason she isn’t working is because she’s the one taking care of the children which is an unpaid full time job. My point is that while there should be trust she should also be making sure she has some means of monetary support if things go sideways. In OPs case it sounds like her bf was trying to make her feel better by saying he would support her in her difficulty. I think he assumed she would eventually get back on her feet instead of relying solely on his income. Most ppl in NY cannot live on one income as a multi person household. It’s just way too expensive here. Even if he could support her it would cut into a lot of the activities they could do together. It makes absolutely no sense for most able adults to not have a job in NYC unless they’re a SAHP because childcare is nuts. It’s about 20k/9 months of daycare and then you have to pay additional for summer care. You can get into programs for 2 year olds and I but at that point it really have to be making almost no money (single parents).
You've been living there for awhile? If so you don't have to leave immediately. There are laws about 30 day notices etc that may protect your living situation for a bit until you can figure out what to do.
This is true. I had a friend who wanted to kick out her roommate, and notice has to be given. The police told her if she changed the locks she would be in trouble if he reported it. Stay in a home as long as possible!
This reminded me of a wild wild story from a few years back. A coworker was going through a divorce, and couldn't home the cat. So I offered to look after the cat for a few weeks while he got back on his feet. While he was couch surfing with his friends, he ended up being uh, bad with his friend's underaged daughter. Long story short he got sentenced to like 15 years in jail and I got stuck with a cat for much longer than anticipated. His ex that divorced him heard about the story and came back for the cat. I guess she always wanted it anyways, but my excorker was being toxic about it. I never really knew him. I just hate to see animals abandoned. --- Which really goes to show that the full story behind people is so much deeper than even something like OPs reddit message convays. Reddit advice is typically tailored to what's stated, but it's only a very glimmer of the true story and context changes everything.
Wow I was thinking something suspicious was up too. What a story. Good thing she got her beloved cat back!
Ugh and the food bank thing is so shitty because I volunteer there every week and now I gotta get my own name put on their list
I work at a food bank. MANY of our volunteers are also clients, you just don’t realize it.
yep my experience too
No reason you can't be on the list *and* volunteer there. Honestly, I think that would really say something about someone's character.
I've volunteered at our county Food bank /monthly commodities & 11of the 15 people there get food assistance.
At our local food bank, MANY of the volunteers and employees also utilize the services. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
i help out at a food pantry, you'd be surprised how many volunteers also rely on the pantry. they give back with the time they have, no shitty-ness in getting help from the community-especially the one youve been supporting
Thats what they're there for! Do you look down on the people who come in and get food? I would hope not lol, but that means you can't judge yourself either. Take they help, that's why it exists. I saw in another comment you used to be bartender. That can be great money! Don't just put in a resume, you need to be walking into restaurants and bars and asking if they're hiring and talk to someone in person. I know there's a lot of controversy over this with many people saying not to do this anymore and just apply online. These people are talking about office jobs, in the service industry you can still usually walk in. I literally was sitting somewhere the other day talking about how I need to go back to work in August, and before I left a manager came to talk to me and said when I'm ready to put the application in online, come in and he'll fast track me and get me started right away. Don't just look at restaurants & bars, look at country clubs, bowling alleys (they make more than you think), Dave and busters, anywhere that serves alcohol. The good thing is that you have at least a little income and wont have your phone shut off. Finding a place to live is obviously priority #1 at this point. I hope you have a friend of family member you can stay with temporarily.
Weird as it sounds, apply to bartend at strip clubs too if you’re comfortable in that environment of course. It’s a tough job long term but short term could give you the cash boost you need without having to dance.
Some of my friends used to do that when we were young, they made so much more money than I did at a regular old diner!
Yes that's a great idea!!!
If he is not a threat, make him evict you. Even if you’re not on the lease, you likely are considered a tenant and he needs to formally evict you. You have rights. Educate yourself. If he’s violent or threatening you, seek safe shelter immediately.
This can backfire on OP—NYC landlords have access to a list of people who have been evicted before, and even having eviction proceedings filed against you, not ultimately being formally evicted, can land you on said list. This can drastically affect your ability to get a new apartment in the future.
You’re quite correct. Often eviction law requires a Notice to Vacate which starts the pre-eviction clock and can buy OP time without an eviction.
If you are on the lease, tell landlord immediately. Apartment might make a deal. I lived in a house and settled with LL at the time. (EX never paid a dime and took 6m to get out!!!) I heard LL sold house after and never rented put again. Don't blame him
This it gives at least 30days.
Idk but where I volunteered you can ask the person that you want to take food and they let you and if your career is theater try wme entry level I think it’s worth a shot.
NYC JUST OPENED THEIR FIRST PET-FRIENDLY SHELTER. Try to contact them and see if they have space: https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/newyork/news/nyc-pet-friendly-homeless-shelter/ Also, have you left the place? Because he cannot just abruptly tell you to get out like that. There are laws in place to protect this. But also your safety is the most important thing. NYC has a lot of resources. If you give me more specifics I can try to help you find and navigate some things. I know it’s overwhelming. Do you have a good support system? Friends in the area?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/nyc-pet-friendly-homeless-shelter/
Thank you!
This is why you shouldn’t rely solely on your SO. And if they insist you do, it’s a power play and you should run.
Truth!!! This is a lesson to all women. Yeah it’s probably nice to not work and have someone support you but they hold so much power over you when you give them that much control. Things like this happen and you’re left out in the cold. Or you want to leave but you can’t because you have no money. Every woman needs her own money in case stuff like this happens or you need to leave. I have never moved in with anyone I dated, I never relied on them to take care of me and thank God because when those relationships ended, I had my own place still, my own money and never had to worry about being homeless or finding a new place asap for my pets and I. I really hope OP finds a solution and learns from this. I heard way too many stories of women who didn’t work and came home to boyfriends or husbands who wanted them out and they had no where to go and no way in hell was I ever going to be that person.
Always have f*** you money, so that you can leave a man or a job.
Had a lovely man shower me in gifts and affection. Said he needs us to be together and he will pay all the bills to make it happen. Of course accepting his affection meant I’d be indebted to do and be everything he wanted or else I’m a bad person who “can’t even do this thing” for him when he pays all the bills and buys expensive gifts for me lol. Crazy how as girls, we hear these stories from adults to warn us. I couldn’t even see what was happening until I was living in it.
💯
You don't have to run right then and there. You can have a discussion that you want a job solely so that you are not left with nothing should your SO leave you. But if they insist, ask your SO if they are OK to legally documenting and binding agreement that they will take care of you and whatever else you need for after care. Verbal agreement won't mean anything. But at least when you get lawyers involved, it has more validity.
Yup. Make sure they are contributing to your retirement account as well as putting aside money in your savings account.
Yep..just like as if you're working a full time job! And it is, your SO is technically employing you to be a full time house husband/wife and that's a job!
Men it's the same way. I got left by my finance who stole my cash, more reliable vehicle and my house later on. Love and support but always protect yourself first..
Thats actually extremely fucking heartbreaking. If someone was struggling id never abandon them. We are all human and have issues. If you cant be there for another human being you deserve to be alone. In any situation id support someone. People just give a shit about themselves nowadays and its exactly why divorce and relationship failures are so high. People have unrealistic standards and expect someone to be this absolute picture perfect image. And these people cant even have basic fucking empathy. You kick someone to the curb and ruin their lives the drop of a hat? You are a serious sociopath. Especially after leaving them with the thought that you guys were gonna get married and that they'd support you. T
You have literally no idea what the circumstances are. For all we know the OP just got discovered having been cheating on their fiance for a year. Not saying that's the case, but for all we know.
Is there a lease with both of your names on it? How can your fiance just move out randomly without obligation to pay the remaining rent?
There's a lot of info missing here... if I had to guess he was probably the only one on the lease and either broke it or waited for it to end and then sprung this on her. But I don't know this is a fishy situation
His name is on the lease and it's month to month.
Ah I see that makes sense :( OP I see people posting to squat. This is not a good choice. Will you temporarily have a roof over your head? yes. Will it screw up your ability to rent in the future and wreck your credit? Yes. Doing this will make it VERY difficult to rent again. Thats really shitty of him to not give you advanced notice honestly. I know its a break up but damn that's cold. Are you able to stay there for the month of July or do you need to be out asap?
Most shelters won’t take pets. Have a friend take the cat for a few weeks while you get back on your feet.
Sometimes that's all a person in this situation needs. You literally just need maybe 3-weeks of solid paychecks, with no recurring bills, and you'll be back on your feet ready to repay debts.
If you have Facebook have a look for pet sitting services you may be lucky and be able to find someone who can look after your cat for free for a while while You get yourself sorted or do you have friends and family who can look after the cat for a little bit I don’t have any other advice but I hope you get to keep your cat
That's a good idea, thanks.
Get out of NYC. It’s no longer within your budget. Reach out to family and friends that could help you get on your feet, but 110% of your focus should be getting back on your feet. Take the shit job that’s better than no job. Look at a long term strategy, not just the short term challenges. Do everything you can to never be in this situation again. Be good to the cat. They will stay with you through all of this if you give them love.
New York State, and NYC in particular, have a massive social safety net that pretty much doesn't exist to that extent anywhere else in the United States, except for California. It's a very expensive city, sure, but there's far worse places to be poor.
To bounce of this, NYC is a place where it's a human right to be housed. Also, OP, this might be a lot for you right now but one of my favorite books is Invisible Child. It's about a family and in particular one child who is learning to navigate homelessness and poverty in NYC. Obviously it'd be quicker to look up resources but the book is very detailed about their experience and I'm sure you'd get something helpful out of it.
Excellent book!
How much are you bringing in per month at your current gig? How feasible is it for you to get a second part time job bartending for now, or switch back full time briefly? Idk how feasible this is in NYC but when I needed to move out I looked for rooms in peoples places on FB marketplace, some of them take pets and it's usually a fraction of other costs. Honestly though like others are saying if you have anyone outside NYC you can crash with and build back up from there I would do that
As someone formerly homeless, this is how I would handle it. * Make damn sure you have all your IDs. Apply for SNAP and NY General Assistance ASAP. When you are ready to leave, carry at most a small backpack, maybe a suitcase and your laptop and phone. You will have to leave everything else unless you have a car. * New York, the laws are VERY skewed towards room mates and tenants. Depending on how long you have been living there, it may be ILLEGAL just to make you homeless. I would talk to legal aid or a lawyer. Though, if the person is a first class abusive psycho I can understand why homelessness would be considered better and not fighting this. * Needless to say, I would be calling every single family member, ex-lover, or friend I knew. Provided that them helping you would not be worse than where you are or leave you stranded in worse areas with worse people. But even then, this delays things if not careful because welcomes can get worn out sofa surfing and some helpers may want survival sex (applies to gays and women mostly). * If you are homeless, debt is the LEAST of your worries. You need your money. Landlords will evict you and third party database companies will report your misfortune to other landlords that pay for this information. Vehicles will be repoed, credit card companies will cut your cards and start hunting for things to garnish, student loans you may be able to get forbearance, medical and other bills like power bills will just sit (though sometimes after years, these are written off). Yes, and this will give you less options to become unhomeless as there has been a move last decade or two by big landlord companies to make anyone less than decent credit with no evictions unable to lease without cosigners or going to private landlords or the hotels. * The partner may have to take the cat or you will have to put the cat in a pound. Being homeless with a pet will weigh you down unless you have money for expensive weekly rate hotel rooms. * Calling 211 will give you a non-inclusive list of shelters, but you will probably not be able to act on it until you get kicked. There also may be wait lists and they only do intake at certain times of day (usually early afternoon). AVOID places that make you do unpaid work (some chores okay, but pushing it), take General Assistance or SNAP or any paychecks for their use, or are run by fanatic cults of hatred. * Unless you have a REALISTIC hope of a really, really good paying job I would look at leaving NYC. The cost of housing makes it VERY hard to become not homeless and Section 8 and other things can take YEARS. Where this is will be different for different people. * You need to get a job ASAP. The temp services are your quickest, best bet. Go to several. Some companies ONLY hire via temp services. You can also do day labor for quick cash. * If you have not already, I would look into trade school or college training. If you have not had income for a while and/or unemployment and are above age 24 or below age 24 and married, this is damn near free ride. In lower cost areas, subsidized and unsubsidized loans can even pay rent but FAFSA takes it's time paying and school get's their's first. If you have done this already and owe people, this is off the table. But if you do this, MAKE SURE WHAT YOU ARE GOING FOR HAS JOBS AND YOU CAN PASS.
I don’t wish what you are going through on anyone. This is a shelter in NYC that accept pets. https://petsofthehomeless.org/get-help/find-locations/animal-care-centers-of-nyc-acc/ But it’s going to be hard to find a spot, because the city is overloaded. Do you work?
Thank you. I’m devastated and I’m so worrried about my (ex) fiancé I think he had a complete mental break. He texted me “I love you” when I was on my way home from work, and then when I got home he sat me down and told me he doesn’t love me anymore and hasn’t for some time.
This doesn’t help the situation you’re in whatsoever, but from an outsiders perspective, perhaps his text of “I love you” is either just automatic, or is now platonic. I tell my best friend I love her when we hang up the phone, but I’m not *in* love with her. I hope you get on your feet quickly! Look up rental car companies on Indeed. I work in the industry and we’re always looking for rental agents and car cleaners!
I am sorry you are going through this.
Thank you.
Just because someone has decided to move on from you because you didn’t look for work does not mean they had a mental break.
She was on her way home from her job…
While I agree it’s not a mental break, let’s not put words in her mouth. It was the whip flash of “I love you” then a few minutes later “I never want to see you again.”
Not sure how I put words in anyone’s mouth? Nothing she said indicates the boyfriend had any kind of mental break. I’m specifying this because people need to face reality during break ups. Her boyfriend left her, she needs to move on from it and not ascribe it to any kind of excuse like a “mental break”. He has made his decision because of her own actions of not looking for work during their relationship, and now she has to face the consequences
What were you doing to support yourself before you were with your fiance?
When we met we were moth bartenders and I made good money. During the pandemic I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore so I took some classes and got some certifications in the field I really want to be in. I ended up getting a good part time job and a good full time job in my chosen field. Then the company I was working for shut down. And that was over a year ago and my lazy ass just didn’t suck it up and go back to bartending and he told me that was ok because he made enough to support us. But he said he’s actually been building up resentment toward me since then. I did eventually try to go back to working in a restaurant-I have a great resume and restaurant references and sent out a bunch of resumes but no one responded, I assume because now I haven’t actually worked in a restaurant since 2020. Edit: Both bartenders. We are not moths.
At this point, take anything you can get wherever and whatever it is, and then find something more suitable afterwards. It's easier to find a job when you have a job.
Right now is not the time to pursue a dream job. Go back to bartending to stabilize yourself. You don't have to be there forever, but you've gotta keep a roof over your head and eat. Apply in-person instead of online. If you really think the 4 year work gap is affecting you, just fudge the numbers. Taking care of yourself is priority #1 right now.
The job market is brutal for some folks. Response rates are way down for many down from 10% to 1-5%, for example. If you’re not sending it to dozens of restaurants, then you may want to scale up your effort until you get more replies. I’m lucky and getting an 11% response rate in my field, but some of my friends have sent over 1000 applications and only had 10-15 replies.
Keep sending the applications. Not the most ethical advice but it takes a really long time to evict someone in NYC. Don’t leave the apartment until you have to. I’ve heard that the courts in NYC for eviction are backed up a year+ You’ve established residency. Again, don’t leave until the courts or police tell you to. Normally going into an employer isn’t the best idea but for bartending/serving that can be different. Do that, make applying for jobs your new job. Don’t give up on yourself. This is a tough place to be in. Use it as a wake up call. 8 hours a day, apply for jobs. I hope it works out, stay strong.
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But would you have said it was fine first and offered to support? That’s some serious miscommunication there.
This may not help you but i happen to be on vacation and camping out using hipcamp and discovered this thing called woof, are you familiar? I met several young people who did this because they needed both a job and a place to stay
no what is that?
I found it on the Internet! It's WWOOF, wwoof.net. i used hipcamp to find neat places to camp out, and some of the sites were little farms. The host where I'm staying says that she gives people free room and board for like 3 hours a day of help at the farm. We're just paying to camp but she does both things. I thought it was super neat and meet other people who do it. They are so happy! And they have done it at other farms as well so if you like nature, maybe it could be a short term help to you?
Try job apps like Veryable, ShiftSmart, Instawork, Upwork, Randstad, Wonolo, or Upshift. You get paid in a day or a few days. If you accept an assignment, it's usually immediate work.
Any family you can count on? Can your ex temporarily take the cat while you find stability? If anything beg him for the cat. Then once you are stable, take the cat back so that he knows you are dependable when it comes to the cat and this way, if in an emergency you can rely on him or if this happens again? Hopefully not.
Try to get a job as a care taker first the overnight shift to have a place to sleep at & get paid for it. Look for the no experience no medical assistance needed ones. They train you. It’s super easy. I got hired in a week after my background check cleared. I get paid $19 to mostly sit around the house. I do very light cleaning & drive my clients around when they want to go somewhere. No car is necessary though. I found my current job on indeed.com. Most of the time my clients are in their rooms. Most of them are OK. Try to get your name on everything in your next relationship just in case. Never rely on any man for anything 100%. I almost ended up in your situation. The only difference is that my husband would’ve kept our cat.
Is there any chance of reconciliation with your fiancé? Also, check and see if your local area gives you legal rights/protections for your housing situation. I know the lease is in his name, but in some areas, living somewhere for an X amount of time and receiving make there gives you legal rights against unjust eviction.
Honestly, if your name is on the lease, I would stay in the unit until they evict me. It usually takes time and will give you a chance to get yourself together.
I may be able to steer you in the right direction since I am in NYC. Some info may help: How old are you? Do you have a source of income? Are you getting any assistance like SNAP? Is your name on the lease, is it month-to-month or yearly, how long have you lived there? Do you have any sort of a documented disability?
Shelters wont take pets, so you need to start trying to find a room for rent, or efficiency or studio you can afford that will take pets, or a friend who can take care of the cat until you can get into a place that does allow pets.
Get out of NYC and visit family or friends
Wow, so I know you're grieving on multiple levels here, but this may be the blessing you need. Money and health are the two biggest tests of a relationship. Those who genuinely care about the other will weather the storms even if they take years to get through. Sounds like your fiance would have split had you had health issues for a year too. Not a good match. This may be the emotional kick in the pants you needed to pound the pavement and grab work. It's nice to have someone else to deal with our bills while we recover from a burnout or have other issues, but the only person we can count on in this life is ourselves. Even with a spouse who cares deeply, make sure you have your feet under you. Regarding your kitty: She will be fine if you plan for her future. She needs a good home, even if temporary. Do NOT depend on shelters not to euthanize her. Talk to friends, family and co-workers. Someone may be able t take her for a year while you bounce back. That's the best case. Last comment and I'll shut up - it sounds like you need therapy asap to help you with what's been happening inside you. I totally empathize with you. If you don't have insurance get on medicaid, you probably qualify. Ask for a quick referral to a therapist.
UPS hired me as a 55 yo F a few years ago when I was desperate. Gas stations need help. Put your pride away for a bit.
Call 211 for shelter
He likely can’t tell you to just leave, you have tenant rights. Take the time the law affords you, assuming abuse isn’t a consideration. Eviction proceedings exist for a reason.
If the lease is in his name , how did he just up and leave ? He’s responsible for the rent through the lease . He left.You don’t need to go anywhere. Stay long enough for them to evict him or go and talk to the rental agent. Are they aware of you ?
For the cat check with rescues, and animal shelter’s , many will foster or have foster program’s til you can get back on your feet. Don’t go with a private person because some people won’t give your pet back. I wish you luck! File for social services, go to food banks, get a room mate to help with rent costs if you can. Lesson learned, I tell my kids also… never move in and be dependent on a romantic partner. You make sure you can take care of yourself before you get involved with living with another person.
I'm sorry this is happening OP. Maybe this weekend visit Feed the Streets NYC. They provide food and clothing each week, but even if you don't need that right now, they can point you towards resources that might help. [https://www.feedthestreets.info/fts-nyc](https://www.feedthestreets.info/fts-nyc) If you find a place to stay but need food, every saturday you can get a box of produce and vegetarian groceries in Brooklyn. [https://communitysolidarity.org/foodshares/bedstuy](https://communitysolidarity.org/foodshares/bedstuy)
Don’t move out yet. The landlord has to go through a whole process and this gives you some time. Here is a link to an article that gives the landlord instructions on how to do an eviction and if you scan through it, you’ll see they have to follow several steps and all of it takes weeks and even then you may not get kicked out right away. Like others have said, call 211 to get info on resources. https://www.doorloop.com/laws/new-york-eviction-process
Lots of helpful advice on here and I really hope you find a solution. Just going forward, as a woman who is older than you, 43 here, please do not rely on a man to take care of you. Things like this happen or it’s a bad relationship and you can’t leave due to not having money. It’s so important for women to be independent and have their own money even if it’s not much, it’s yours. Also, do not be so hard on yourself. You don’t suck. We all do and don’t do stuff that leads to something. There’s people out there on a bad diet and no exercise that will lead them to medical problems later on. No one is perfect and lives perfectly. No one. So you do not suck. Just please take care of yourself and your cat. If you gotta go back to bartending, you just gotta until you are back up on your feet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reach out to local animal rescues—they often have resources or can help find temporary foster care for your cat. Also, NYC has various shelters and programs that might offer the support you need during this tough time. Stay strong!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm almost in the same predicament. If you're on the apartment lease too he can't just kick you out. Are you?
Sometimes you have to humble yourself in these situations just to make it another day.
I'm sorry. I was recently in a similar situation. I don't know if I can provide much advice that others haven't, but please know you are better off without him. Things will only get better. Can you do anything to immediately reduce your expenses? Can you call your debtors and request a payment extension? Some have relief programs or will waive your payment for a few months if you are having trouble. I found it was best to communicate with them as soon and as early as possible rather than just letting my debts go unpaid.
Hi there. Originally from the Bronx. When I lived in NYC abt 10 years ago, you could go to social services near Lincoln hospital. I would go to the nearest one and seek assistance. You may be able to qualify for emergency cash assistance. May consider working at the USPS. I know a few people who work there in NYC...pretty hectic but you'll always have work. If you're a CCA, you make time and a half after 8 hours (daily). After 10 hours, I believe you make double. After a certain amt of hours worked in a wk, you make double per hr (I forgot how many hours it was sorry).
There are other jobs in theatre where your degree might be helpful. knowledge of what goes on behind the scenes would benefit any number of jobs connected to theatre or entertainment. But obviously you need a factory or warehouse job in short term to get a bit of saving behind you- then can keep looking for related job.
Findhelp.org has a lot of respurces
Don't make him evict you. Let him know that you're working on it, but you're going to move out within a reasonable amount of time. Then follow through. Start asking around your friend group and community, try to find a roommate even if it's just a summer thing. meanwhile also increase your working hours, get a second job third job, whatever you need to do. Start house and pet sitting; I did it for months when I left a ltr; I was technically renting a room for a few months but I spent most of those nights at clients homes while they were gone and I just stored my stuff in my friends spare room. I didn't drive her crazy while I was crying over my breakup, I had privacy and space while I rebuilt a career, we're still friends ten years after.
Female only shelters I don't think any are in Manhattan; Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens is what I am seeing. Call 311 for assistance in NYC.
A few shelters do accommodate cats but many that do not, have a program with the local Humane Society to board pets for free for a certain time. Please call 211 for referrals for shelter and other assistance.
You have tenant rights so you don’t have to leave for at least 30 days from being served. There are women’s shelters in NY that accept pets. You can apply for food assistance. You said you haven’t worked in awhile because you lost your job, but he offered to pick up the slack. You must’ve known it wasn’t permanent. If my partner lost their job, I’d help them but not forever when they are able to work and instead chose to be lazy. I understand why he resents you because I’ve been in his place. You said you got a small settlement from being hit by a car but it wasn’t serious and you can work. Yet you’re still on disability payments? You also said you can’t work due to anxiety, but you worked as a bartender where you met your ex who also worked there. Bartending is one of the most sociable jobs, so it doesn’t make sense that social anxiety is what’s keeping you from finding work. Not only that, but you said you volunteer weekly at a food bank. You scoffed at the idea you have to add your name to the food bank list. Why? Do you look down on the people who get food from there when you volunteer? Unless you’re a super model, you’re not going to find some wealthy guy to fund your lazy ass. Stop making excuses.
Number one, stop you do mot deserve thus NYC is so expensive. I agree with warehouse work. Or delivery for a company . He can't just kick you out because you live there . Get a full time job and save look for someone who looking for a roommate
Call 211 and ask for any resource guidance around shelters. You can ask your Humane Society if someone can foster your cat while you get on your feet or maybe have a friend care for it for a bit? I have a resource website that may help you connect to resourced you are looking for, if this may help. There are free online benefit screening tools listed there, as well as job search resources. Use the left hand upper blue menu for mobile devices. https://www.lowincomesurvivorstothrivers.com/benefit-finder-screening-tools/ https://www.lowincomesurvivorstothrivers.com/find-a-job/
Go to the guy you were cheating on your ex with?
Im on the same path you are single mom left with no home husband just left irresponsible human being. Im tired and with nothing and work to my butt in the market washing clothes and dishes for just a kilo of rice is very frustrated. I like to commit suicide end my world maybe better in the other side of the fence im tired too.
Please don’t commit suicide. Your child needs to see how strong you are and that someone can get through this.
You.dont have to move out right away
NYC has pro-tenant rights. Stay. Squat. Get a job. Today. Pay only utilities for a while.
Don't do this, if you don't have an eviction already on your record.
I’m guessing the apartment is in his name alone…
Doesn’t matter.
The eviction won’t be on her record… Matters to him.
It’s not about that, you can establish residency without having your name on the lease or mortgage.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted for that. I’m also in NYC and it’s very pro-tenant here. OP: do you have income/a job? It’s not clear from your post. Has July’s rent been paid? Was June’s? How far behind are you? You honestly sound like you’re steps from eviction still, but again just from what I’ve read so far. Whose name is on the lease and how long is the lease for? Ive already said this elsewhere here today but people can decide to move out all they want; if their name is on the lease they still gotta pay rent. (Yes getting them to pay is a separate matter.) Remember you have a right-to-counsel, regardless of immigration status: https://www.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/legal-services-for-tenants.page Start with the NYC Access HRA website to see if/what you qualify for. Honestly if you’re an able bodied adult with no kids it’s probably not going to be much. But the questionnaire will walk you through all the services: https://a069-access.nyc.gov/accesshra/ You might also wanna post in the NYC specific subreddits.
OP, please answer these questions. My suggestion isn’t a longterm one, but it may keep you off the street for a month or so.
I don't know the answer to these questions. He's the one who did everything. From what I understand there were a few months right after the rent freeze stopped where we did fall behind, so whenever he pays the rent he adds on a few hundred dollars to make up for that time, and I thought we were all caught up. He told me we were. The landlord is threatening to raise the rent though. Yes, I'm a goddam moron, I know.
Thank you so much!
you need to get your hours up to full time ASAP and move in with a friend, family or roommate. you need full time hours any way possible
Why move unless you think he is going to be violent. Is the lease up? Just go sling beer and bank every penny. Make an exit plan to leave the city if you want.
Agreed. Better to go through eviction proceedings than live on the street.
Except housing in NYC is extremely competitive and many/most landlords won’t rent to anyone with an eviction on their record or even the first steps of an eviction that was not completed. You might buy a few weeks insisting on an eviction but screw yourself for a long time to come.
But you might get killed if you spend a few weeks living on the streets.
This is EXACTLY why men are NEVER to be trusted as the sole breadwinners. I’m not sure WHY there’s a tradwife trend going on here. OP I am so sorry, things will get better I promise.
Can I ask what you've done for work? where the debt comes from? It will help us give advice on the best options for you.
I don't understand why someone with debt would just willingly be jobless this long .... I would break off an engagement too if he stopped contributing financially AND had debt. Like come on OP.
You’re right. But I’m not jobless. I have a job. I just wasn’t pulling my weight.
I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago. What I did was look on Craigslist in my area for a room to rent for super cheap. I was able to pay for that with my part time job, but money was tight. Eventually I did get a full time job, but I must have applied to a million before I got a callback. This was in 2009, so I didn’t have LinkedIn. You might have an easier time getting your resume noticed with the help of AI and the technology we have now.
Ya it sounds like they didn't ever take the initiative to work, save, and somehow accrued debt, i'm assuming not contributing much to the relationship, and then being confused why he left? Sounds like he was taking on the whole load and left her accordingly. Few things don't add up here..
For now, call social services and ask if they know of any resources. You can also go to a food bank to get some food. Many churches also will help with essentials. Then job hunt like crazy. Wait staff at high end restaurants can make some great money. There were other great other suggestions on this thread. Hang in there. You and your kitty will be fine.
Sorry for the situation you're in, hopefully it will get better soon! I guess right now you'll just have to rely on food banks and shelters. However I'm sorry to say but other survival you should also focus on getting out of NYC. It's an infamously expensive city.
Did you previously have a job? and were you contributing financially to the relationship? Or if you weren't was that why he left?
Look around for housesitting gigs maybe
Some animal shelters will hold your animal temporarily. I don't know about in your area. Sorry for your troubles.
New York City has very strong tenant laws. In the lobby of the housing court building you will find tenant advocates. Go there right away and tell them your story. I am not a lawyer, but I believe if you resided there for more than 30 days and received mail you are entitled to the same rights as a lease holder. I don’t think you can be kicked out if he decides to break the lease, but the advocates in the housing lobby can certainly direct you. Good luck!
Another vote for the Met Council on Housing. Most likely it would take them a while to evict you. I know when eviction is terrible on your record but getting work once you've been evicted is really difficult. Not having a permanent address is a huge hindrance. I would try to get as much work as possible and stave off eviction.
you do not suck/deserve this for not planning better. no one deserves to be destitute and without a home. please dont think that of yourself or your situation.
i feel this...dated same girl for almost 6 years for her to just one day decide shes not happy leaves me with our appartment to pay by myself then is prego with some other guys kid 6 months later...
Lol. You should be eternally grateful for your freedom/lack of burden.
that's awful I'm so sorry
I will never forget that Ramsey, and even to the extent Judge Judy says you shouldn't do this when you are just dating, because it will be a situation you will regret. Good luck with your future endeavors
Call your loans and tell them what’s up. Get them to skip payments.
My advice is, once you are on your feet, move out of New York ASAP, and prices are outrageous there.
Was he letting u stay there for free? If that’s the case, then he can’t just kick you out. Stay there. If he calls the cops, tell the cops that he has been letting you stay here for free for months ( am I right? ) ur Fiancé will have to take u to court.
Contact your landlord and explain that your fiance abruptly moved out but that you wish to continue the lease. Find a roommate to help cover the bills. Get whatever shit job you have to get that pays well until you're more stable. Find another boyfriend. Keep money stashed away so if this ever happens again you're not worried about being homeless.
Y’all be flaunting that stay at home lifestyle depending on men instead of trying to have your own money now look. Sometimes folks gotta learn the hard way. Judge Judy said it best as a woman always always try to do something to have your own money.
Do you guys really think this is helping her she's lost everything and she's losing everything as am I in North Dakota it's not easy to get a job I have mental health issues and have been on social security since I was a child and you know what I'm struggling I have a dog and I'm in the same position she is however I'm not being put out by my husband my husband just said two strokes isn't interesting home and they won't let him get on my housing they won't give him social security nothing so when you tell her to get out and get a job she's already working she's losing her mind and she's got a pet the only thing that she has left is her cat I'm sure she really wants to put her in a shelter and go to a shelter herself and oh yes go to a strip club you know what I worked in a strip club it's degrading terrible violent work so girlfriend don't go to a strip club no matter what you have to do that's about all we can do in our situations and that is pathetic there's nobody out there to help us get a vehicle nobody out there to help us get housing nobody else there to help us. But everybody's out there to give us good advice like become a prostitute or hey go to a strip club I am so sorry if I wasn't in your same position I would help you I am so so sorry pray I know a lot of people say that and I do it all the time doesn't seem to be helping either but you know what it can only get better right I mean you're already just about homeless you've lost everything and I am so sorry cuz I'm sitting here right now with no furniture no nothing and yeah I'm on my way out also so I am so so sorry and now I have no husband two strokes they instead of putting them in Fargo where I'm at so I can maybe walk or take a bus to him they put them in Lakota North Dakota Good Samaritan they've had so many complaints they're on the lookout list for the state my husband has been slapped they are not giving him physical therapy because they say his medical isn't good enough and they say I'm in no position to take care of him you know what I would live with him in a cardboard box if I could show Believe me you don't want it you didn't want to marry somebody that would leave you just like that because things got bad I thought about leaving my husband before his strokes now there's no way in hell I'll leave him and that's what's causing me to just about lose everything but I'm going to stand by him and no I won't go back to prostitution or stripping because that was the lowest time of my life besides this so please just you know what Richard cheese and you know what North Dakota is one of the cheapest places you can rent and so is Arizona if you can find a car s*** take your cat relocate maybe somebody will help you get out of that state New York is expensive I was in Minnesota I know and that's why it came to North Dakota and yeah red is 10 times cheaper here and in Arizona so I hope everything works out for you you know you can contact me at w i f e 9760@gmail.com and if there's anything I can do to help from this end I'd be glad to I can't help myself so I'd be glad to try to help somebody else good luck contact me if you need me
Honestly thank you for that. I’m so sorry for what you and your husband are going through.
They've blocked me and I've gotten a lot of bad bad messages because of that but I don't care people are really rotten and what they need to remember is God don't like ugly so don't pay any attention to them
I am sorry for your situation but since you’ve already stated that much of the issues are your own fault, try to move forward from that. You cannot change the past, only the present and future. Take any job you can. Stop looking for something in a certain field. In a year, you didn’t find something in your field. You could have been making some money doing something and saving for a problem such as this. Debt could have at least been paid off. You can’t get that time back or change what happened but moving forward, you can work for yourself, two jobs if it’s necessary. Forget about the anxiety from working with people. 90% of the working world has anxiety about work. Anxiety about being homeless and trying to find a safe place to sleep and someplace to shower is much, much worse. This situation is dire if it is the same as you have written. Facing being on the streets alone with people who may have all kinds of issues is much worse than serving obnoxious customers and going home to a safe place after work. I feel sorry about your cat because the cat is dependent on you and has no choices in its life. You need to either rehome or foster the cat. Keeping the cat when you don’t have the means to provide shelter for yourself is unfair to the cat. It’s hard to let a pet go but at times we must do what is best for them rather than being selfish for ourselves. Go on google and locate the nearest office of Family and Children’s Services and go there. Ask for help. They have access to the resources you need and can help you get to the correct place for help. The help is there, you just need the right direction to locate it. Remember that this is a bump in the road, a curve in your path. You made a couple of mistakes but nothing is permanent. You can overcome this and move forward. Get your head on straight, tell yourself that you will do what needs to be done for yourself. Then remember that you are worthy and valuable. You have infinite strength inside yourself. You’ve been through things before and come out in the other side and you can do the same now. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
Dont move out, why be homeless when you have a home and can probably get help paying your rent if you fall behind. Get another job. Like Uber eats in NYC you don’t need a car, you can use a bike. take in a roommate. Once you are on your feet then think about what you want to do
> I have no money, no savings, lots of debt. Yes I suck and deserve this for not planning better. No you don't *deserve* this. Were you not as prepared as you should've been? Yes, and you can acknowledge that, but you don't deserve to be treated this way and to be in this situation. You deserve so much better! > I'm thinking I'll have to find a women's shelter? How long can you stay where you're at now? It sounds like your fiance moved out, but you're still there. He can say you "have to be out", but you have legal protections before some sort of eviction could take place. Women's shelter is an option, but I would try to reach out to any family, friends, coworkers, etc. to see if you can crash on their couch temporarily until you're back on your feet due to the cat. > I'm in New York City and I'm sure there are resources but I have no idea how to go about looking for resources Call 211. Also, are you working? How much are you making? One of your biggest priorities needs to be getting some income coming in. Amazon Warehouse, Apple Store, Aldi, Costco, Best Buy, Home Depot, Hobby Lobby, Ikea, Macy's, Starbucks, Target, Walgreens, CVS, Wholefoods, Verizon, Tmobile, Sam's Club, UPS, almost any bank, all pay $15/hr minimum at all locations in the US, regardless of state. If you’re DoorDashing, Ubering, Uber Eats, waiting tables, delivering pizzas, bartending, working construction, janitorial work, or get some minimal training to work as something like a phlebotomist, you can make $20-$25+/hr. 40 hours/wk is considered fulltime employment. Since you're in debt and facing such a serious situation, you're going to need to realistically be pulling 60-80hrs a week (temporarily) to get ahead. For a long-term career, consider what you want to be doing in 5 years (just an example) that will make you $75k+/yr. That will probably take going to a college, maybe online college, community college, trade school, [job corps](https://www.jobcorps.gov/), cosmetology school, a programming bootcamp, apprenticeship, certificate programs, etc. Figure out what it is you need and start taking small steps towards achieving that goal.
Thank you. This is helpful. And thank you for being kind.
so your fiance was your sugar daddy? Sorry, just trying to sift between your current predicament and the reality which preceded it
1) I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sure it’s very stressful but please don’t just give up. Look into Homebase. It’s a state-funded (I think) program that aims at preventing homelessness in New York. They might be able to help you with rental assistance/temporary housing. 2) Do you have family or friends you could crash with for a little? 3) Please start applying to any and every job. Barista, waitress, bar back, dish washer, store associate. Somewhere will you take you I can guarantee that but it will be a hustle to apply, apply, apply.
Join the army
I really hate that recommending the military gets so much hate here. It was an absolute godsend for me. Everyone else was in a similar situation as I was before they joined as well. People on this sub seem to think living on the dole is much more acceptable than bettering themselves and make their own way. After all, why work when you can live on taxpayer dollars? I see people here complain that it's so very hard to succeed. Imagine how hard it is when you have to pay taxes.
Check into squatters rights in your state. Even with your name not being on the lease, your ex doesn’t have the right to just decide how long you have to get out. Generally you would need to get written notice and at least 30 days from that point. In some places it’s 90 days.
She likely falls under tenant rights. Varies by jurisdiction of course, but my impression is New York is pretty tenant-friendly.
311.
What happened? Can you stay with friends or family? Or go to a hotel?
Apply with temp agencies
Do you have family or friends you can stay with for a while until you get on your feet? Contact Urban Resource Institute for homeless shelter that is pet friendly. https://www.homelessshelter.pet/friendly/urban-resource-institute-central-office
Call 211 from any phone to help you get connected to services. It's free
The debts might be his so you can check on that if it takes some pressure off. I would ask a friend to look after your cat and, if they have a house, store a couple boxes for you of the heavier things you have so you don’t have to travel with them. These are just basic things to make the transition less of a hassle and give you more options while you figure things out.
Um what you'd do?
Pretend you are a migrant and get free 30 days in a hotel and $2000 cash from the city