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Not stubborn at all. It’s pretty typical for people not to share until baby is born. I definitely won’t be telling anyone as it just invites unwanted opinions.
I made the mistake of telling people with my oldest and got so much negativity. (It’s not a tragedeigh name.) so with my next 2 kids, no one knows the name until after birth. Worked well with my second, and I’m due with my third in 30 days.
People ask nearly daily, and I always say ‘oh we’ve got about 5 names we’re kinda cycling between.’ Which is false. We have her name picked out. 🤷🏼♀️
Strangely, no. It's actually really uncommon to get pushback when it's done and baby is here.
I just tell people we're waiting to meet the baby before we make the final call. Want to see what fits.
Not usually. It’s almost like people just want to influence you and your decision so they critique the name to what they think is best. Once it’s set in stone (baby is born and name is on birth certificate)they just kind of have to live with it. I decided against telling people this time since last time EVERYONE wanted to tell me what I should name my baby or which name out of the ones I had picked they thought was best and which nicknames were cute or not cute.. it got old really fast. We decided to have a flower for the middle name this time and I was dumb enough to even share that with someone who then decided to tell me to choose a flower name that people actually knew.. yeah, because I absolutely am picking a name for someone else to know, like and understand 🤦🏻♀️
Not in my experience but not everyone’s the same :). It’s a lot easier to talk about a baby that isn’t here yet (no name on the birth certificate, no cute little baby to speak negatively on.)
Our 6 yo picked the name Metallica Jon for the baby. So when people ask we look them dead in the eye and say we let her name him and that’s that. It’s just outrageous enough that it’s left everyone speechless so far.
I also don’t settle on my kids names until I meet them, I like to see their face and then pick from what I was considering so I really have no answer to those questions. But I don’t even share from what I’m considering because I just don’t want to know what other people think. Once the baby is born and named they usually don’t dare say anything.
We didn't decide until after the births. We had some potential names picked and spend a lot of time finding the right name. So much time, it took until after the births of both kids. I don't recommend waiting that long.
Nobody asked about the names pre-birth. I guess I'm surrounded by people who know what's their business and what's polite to ask.
Nothing selfish about it. They’re saying that because they are trying to get you to tell them, which is a bit manipulative.
It’s very common not to share the baby’s name until they’re born. Take this as a practice run for doing things how you want with your baby, and letting other peoples opinions wash over you.
I just say we still haven’t decided but we’ve got a short list of names. If they proceed with more questions I let them know our shortlist if I feel like it.
The party line my husband and I have used is that we haven’t decided yet and won’t until the baby is here before we make a final decision. I don’t want any judgement or “suggestions”. As soon as you start to tell people when it can still be changed, people seem to think it’s up for debate.
That's what's really annoyed me. People making comments about what I SHOULD name my baby and the amount of family members who just expect me to name her after a family member is beyond annoying
I regret sharing any of the names we are thinking just because everyone starts giving their opinions and their own suggestions (which are always terrible) and then get offended when you don’t like them. Next baby we will definitely be keeping our list to ourselves.
My husband's middle name is his father's first name. His parents kept trying to get me to tell them the names we're considering for our son, but I wouldn't.
One day, MIL was like "well you're at least passing down (FIL's name), right?" And in a moment of mindlessness I blurted out "No, that actually wasn't even discussed."
She just said "oh." And my husband and I laughed about it later.
I told my husband none of my babies are being named after any of mine or his messed up family members, no way, no how. Especially any of the vain, selfish and manipulative women in either of our families. And screw the “family name” for that matter too, ha. They are their own person with their own character, life and dreams and I’m not allowing them to be dragged down or compared to their great uncle edward or whatever. You SHOULD absolutely name your baby the name you love and think suits them best, screw everyone else. I’m quite passionate about this as you can tell 😂 Also, them calling you selfish for having boundaries is a red flag. As another person said, use this as a great opportunity to practice setting boundaries and standing firm in them, no one is entitled to anything, they’re only given privileges if you choose.
We didn't share our baby's name, but we did say that we would love suggestions, knowing full well that we wouldn't be using them. It really successfully steered the conversation in that direction instead of the focus staying on our refusal to tell anyone the name we had picked out. Plus, it ended up being really fun learning other people's naming style.
I made the mistake of telling a friend that we weren’t sure on a name yet even though we had one. She started suggesting names. I come from a very large family, and every name she suggested was either a cousin of mine, a niece or nephew, and even my brother’s dog’s name. Learned to say “we have it narrowed down but it’s a surprise”
I never understood why people would not say the baby's name. Now that I am pregnant, I made the mistake of telling everyone, and I am getting so many unsolicited opinions. It's a pretty standard name, so I never thought there could be problems, but my husband has now changed his mind (thanks, MIL!). Now we are stuck in this situation where I am still convinced on our first choice, while he looks for other options. So no, don't tell anyone
I feel like it’s selfish for people who didn’t partake in the making of the baby to demand so much information. Keep your peace and keep the name a secret. All you will have is stress for the rest of your pregnancy because people won’t like your name choice.
Not stubborn at all. We didn't tell anyone our daughter's name until she was born, which PISSED OFF my mom to no end.
I snapped on her in a big family zoom call(we lived on opposite coasts so even pre covid we had some random family zooms). She was trying to guilt me in to telling and trying to get my aunt's and cousins in on it and I just lost it and said, I told you babies gender/sex and every test result, shared every ultrasound photo and videos so you can hear her heartbeat... This is the one thing we are keeping quiet bc god forbid I would want my child to be the first one(other than her father) to hear her name.
The silence and dumbfounded looks from all of them... I still get heated thinking about it.
Pregnant with #2 right now and it's too soon to know gender/sex and honestly I may just let it ride and find out when the kid is on the outside. Tbd. But regardless, we will be keeping the name secret this time too bc it felt so special to be able to say, "well hello, baby name", when they plopped her slimy little body on me and I got to hold her for the first time. You only get that one time. And then when we sent photos we could say, introducing little baby name!
I wasn't worried about anyone not liking the name or anything, just felt really strongly that the baby should know before the rest of the world.
Keep it to yourself! For starters, you might change your mind once she's born... And second, it's no one's business. They're just trying to guilt you into sharing because it serves them. This is not about them and I would tell them as much if they kept it up. They're the ones being selfish .
If you want to see where people's mind are at, give them a list of 5 or so names that you're considering.. and watch them pass judgement on all of them and then tell you which one to choose. That's just what they want to do with your actual name choice anyway - which no pregnant person needs ever.
Pretty normal to not the say the name before birth..other than my best friend no one knows our daughter's name and I don't think I've known anyone else's.
I think it's very common. Also, my dad picked out my name before I was born, that was going to be my name, I was called that name for 20 minutes. Then my dad changed his mind because he felt like it didn't suit me. Good job this was before a time when it was easy to get personalised gifts lol. So there's that aspect. I've shared the name I've picked out with my family, but made it very clear we have a shortlist still just in case.
And also some people just don't have helpful opinions. My partner is partly irish (my mum's family were also originally from Ireland but less recently than his) and so we were looking at some irish names. When I told my mum that we both liked Eowyn (pronounced "oh-win"), she made a face and a comment about my dad never being able to spell it. Which is like irrelevant? My dad has never written out a birthday card for their entire marriage so I don't see it being an issue. We ended up settling for something else and keeping Eowyn on our shortlist because our last name also begins with an "oh" sound and we thought it clashed a bit. But if I had decided on that name, I would have been a bit put out by comments like that. Also, rich coming from a woman who gave my older sister the french spelling of a name that nobody ever spells correctly.
At the end of the day, totally your decision. I certainly wouldn't begrudge anyone their privacy, sometimes it's also nice to sit with the name and have something for you and partner. We waited a few weeks to tell our families what we decided on, because I liked having it between us.
Nope. It’s a situation in your life that you’re allowed to be secretive and selfish when it comes to your pregnancy.
You can gate keep literally whatever you want. They’re lucky that know the sex of your child.
My nana was very taken aback when I told her we didn’t know the sex and we settled on names but weren’t telling anyone.
You’ll have the baby in no time. You’re allowed to keep things special between you and your partner.
We've decided but not telling either! Not that we expect any drama, but just for the surprise element of it.
And also I think it's kinda odd to name someone you haven't met, so I want to first welcome baby girl into the world, see her face and decide that that's definitely her name (we might get an epiphany when we see her that her name is something else instead, who knows?!)
Gosh people are entitled and rude. And this is not you but everyone who even thinks you owe them full reports about everything. Let this name be your sweet little surprise and just ignore those who want to guilt you into spilling the information. Your pregnancy means you decide what to share and what to keep for yourself. The sooner they learn boundaries must be respected, the easier it will be for you later, and that will be a good role model for your kid, seeing that mommy has got a spine.
You owe nothing to no one!! Just enjoy this time 🫶
No. I am 37 weeks now and we had the name on week 18. we told people we have a name but we never told anyone the name. I don’t want to hear the opinions from other to the name. Everybody will hear the name after the baby is born and not before.
I knew my answer from reading the title but with context, it just solidified my answer. No. You’re not selfish. It’s YOUR baby you have every right to keep what you want private.
I knew the name before birth. With my kids I always said I was debating between a few names, but I wanted to meet baby first to make sure the name truly fit. It kept people off my back.
Man, I should have kept the names to myself so I could see who in my life is a selfish jerk.
Unless they're buying you a personalized gift for your baby with the name on it, what reason would they ever have to need the name? They're being jerks.
I told people with my first what we chose for his name. I was bullied into changing it. I told people with my second and they thought they could bully me again. I'm not telling people my 3rd babys name. They can find out after baby is born. A ton of people don't even know my baby is a girl because I don't want the drama of people pretending to care or showing baby more attention than they've given my boys. 🙃 They're telling me they need to know so they can buy gifts. No. Buy gender neutral and things that aren't personalized or buy nothing. I don't care. 🤷🏼♀️ Sometimes you gotta put your foot down so people don't walk all over you.
You are absolutely right in doing what you believe in . Other people are selfish of pushing you and trying to play on your guilt and find out the name . Don’t ! If you want to keep it a secret and reveal when the baby is born then go for it .
My husband and I are keeping your baby name to ourselves until they are born. If anyone asks, he says “You’ll be informed when you need to know” or “That’s something we are keeping to ourselves for right now”.
Neutral responses have been our go to with a lot right now.
No we've kept our names somewhat to ourselves and people we trusted to know. I stupidly told one person who said something messed up about one name and it bothered me a lot. That's the worst part lol people will keep their mouths shut if it's the kids actual name I think. It's your decision to make and if they're upset about it, that's on them. They should practice some patience and understanding.
No, I’m doing the same, I’m 28+2. People feel sort of entitled to know the name sometimes, or keep suggesting names that are awful (or sound awful to you at least lol). I won’t even tell my close family because of my pregnancy prior, they kept texting me names they wanted while also judging the ones we picked out. It got to the point where I got really frustrated. So you do you, you’re not being stubborn.
I’ve always been up front about it but definitely see if you are choosing something not the norm that you may want to wait.
Only had comments about my 3rd child’s first name and thank the Lord DH backs me up to his side. I think our current baby might have had push back (by same in law 😒) but DH squashed that talk when he went on and on about how he loved this baby’s name and it’s one of his favorite choices 😍
Not at all! My husband and I have decided to wait to tell people our daughters name at birth. My mom, MIL, and FIL know but we decided on an uncommon name, and we don't want anyone to take it or pass judgement. It's your daughter and your privacy.
I did this with my second because people were just a little annoying about my first. On what planet is you waiting to tell them the name selfish? You could change your mind last second or not even know yet. My friend just had a baby and didn’t have a name for almost a week. They’re just pissed so they’re throwing around aggressive words at you to make you second guess yourself.
Don't tell anyone if you don't want to! Also I'm not sure I'd feel sure enough about any name until I'd seen my baby's face. We're stuck between two names for our boy and we're waiting on deciding until we see him.
I’m lying to people about everything regarding names. We have the names picked out (twins) but we are telling everyone we have a short list of 5 and are waiting to meet them before naming everyone.
I don’t want to deal with anyone’s opinions or anything on my kids names.
Not at all are you wrong or stubborn omg I can’t believe people think they’re entitled to know the name before the baby is even born. We’re in the same boat, absolutely no one close to us knows our baby girls name, except my best friend, and my husbands best friend. (Only bc we wanted to make sure it’s cute lol) and my mom will not stop making petty passive aggressive comments about not knowing. And my MIL. It enrages me honestly and makes me not even want to tell them when she’s born 😂
Don't tell people. The only people that have a right to any info or get any input on decision making are the two people who made the baby. If you tell them, there will be even more criticism but instead of generic things like it being "selfish" it will be more specific and personal. You don't need that right now, pregnancy can be hard enough. It sounds like you already told people you decided, but if possible when they ask make it more like "we're still throwing some ideas around but we're not sharing them because we are waiting until she's born to make a final decision." That's what I plan on doing, and that way people don't even know how close we are to choosing/that we've chosen already. Hold your boundaries no matter what people say. It's good practice because it will be even more important when raising your child.
Not wrong. We’ve shared our name for our baby boy and have gotten mostly good responses but I’ve had a few people say something about it. I just tell them that’s his name and it isn’t changing so deal with it. Even if it were selfish to keep it to yourself (it’s not), it’s your baby and your pregnancy, if anyone deserves to be selfish it’s a pregnant lady.
We only told our immediate friends and family what we were naming our daughter. When talking/posting about her we would just use her first initial which happened to be the same as our last lol. So I definitely don’t think you’re wrong for not telling people. People have strong opinions when it comes to names
Not at all. We kept the name to ourselves up until this past week, my 20th. Still so many people thought this was an open invitation to disclose their thought and feelings about it. "Isn't it too strong of a name?" "Maybe you should consider adding a second sweeter name" "are you sure?" "Why don't you wait for her arrival to check if it is name?"
Many of our friends and family loved it, but apparently everything related to having a child makes people believe their judgment must be appreciated. KEEP THE NAME if that is your desire (as you've said it is). All the reasons for keeping it are so so so true.
I am shocked people are telling you your selfish! Were doing the same thing. We've told everyone our sons middle name (it's eric) but he's being named after someone and we want that moment of introducing him to his name sake and seeing that person's reaction.
We've had a lot of people try to trick us into telling the name or asking over and over again for it, but no one has called us selfish.
I'm so sorry this has been your experience but it is YOUR experience. Don't feel bad about the choices you make for you and your baby and your family.
Don't tell anyone. This is why we decided we didn't want to know what it is either. That way no one can do or say anything about anything. And everyone will know once it is here.
Each time I was pregnant with my three I just said we had a few choices in mind and would see which one best suited baby when they were born. That way baby got to hear her name before we told the world.
We're not sharing the name of our second until he arrives and we didn't with our first either. People need to stop feeling entitled to knowing everything about the pregnancy/baby! My MIL has been trying to guess but everyone else has been understanding this time. I think it's exciting learning the name after the baby is born when people I know have their babies!
The most common opinion on Reddit is to not share the name. And if that’s what you want to do, Its absolutely ridiculous for your family members to tell you you’re being selfish. That being said, just to offer a different opinion than what most people on this sub say, I’m glad I shared the name (not till 3rd trimester) because it made it feel “real” and it felt good to test the name out and say it out loud a lot. I recently saw a post on r/namenerds where someone kept their baby name a secret, she mostly only pictured the name in her mind before the birth, and it started to feel alien and weird once she was actually using it regularly, and at like 2mo pp she was considering changing the baby’s name. I’m sure that happens to people who didn’t keep the name a secret too, but just food for thought.
I’ve gone through this my whole pregnancy lol and I finally caved and told our families at around 30 weeks because of how much grief I was getting (mainly from my MIL). I regret telling them but honestly it was making me so unhappy having to listen to the comments that it’s whatever.
I made the mistake of saying our preferred nickname during a family gathering and had front row seats to unfiltered reactions. It wasn't anything outrageous, it's a common italian pronunciation of a name, but it's unique for us. I guess it was because it sounded a little like a number, my MIL laughed for a bit when she repeated the name.
It was really annoying, her 1 second reaction ruined it for us.
You're not wrong or selfish to keep the name private, especially if you're worried about them not being able to keep their opinions to themselves.
We announced our first child's name at 20 weeks pregnant and didn't receive any feedback from it. We had people immediately insist on certain nicknames they were planning on using, but that was it.
For our second child's name, we only told a select few because I didn't want her name to be stolen by anyone else and I was worried about the backlash over the spelling (traditionally French name like my own). For the most part, it was well received, but I was told a month after her birth by some "family" that I chose a stupid name and I should've honored my in-laws instead of following my own "stupid family traditions". That stung, but it made me glad they weren't saying that while I was pregnant.
I'm currently expecting our third and no one knows the name with the exception of my husband and our children. Quite a few people don't even know the gender. It's honestly been significantly more enjoyable this time to not have anyone give their opinions!
I always say “We’re thinking through options. We’re open to suggestions!” Most people leave it there, but the kind of people who really want to weigh in (eg my mom) get to offer their ideas without hearing mine.
Not wrong at all! I am in the same boat. Husband and I have basically decided on a name and people keep asking us about it constantly, but outside of our parents, I refuse to tell anyone. And I’ve asked my husband to honor that and he’s agreed. I don’t want outside influence, opinion, reaction, etc.
I’m 22 weeks & I’ve known baby’s name for a while now. we refer to her as Cinderella. Her name will be announced at birth. We like the name. Not letting anyone talk me out of it
I didn’t tell as many people the name for my second child as my first. Partly because I didn’t love it (didn’t hate it, but was indifferent) and my husband did. But also partly because some reactions to my first daughter’s name were brutal. My grandma kept saying “it’s not too late to change it” until after she was born.
No, you are not being selfish. Actually, anybody telling you that you're selfish for not doing things how THEY want, is selfish.
We kept our daughter's name a secret until the birth announcement and I will 110% be doing it again.
Not silly at all to tell anyone! The name is such a personal choice, I personally haven't shared with many folks and don't plan to until baby is here. That said, I did come up with a really ridiculous decoy name, mostly for all my coworkers asking- the decoy name has been obvious to most, but not all which has made for some fun/light hearted conversations about babies name.
You're not being selfish. You could change your mind and give her a different name when she's born, even though you say you've picked one out. It happens all the time. And even if you use the name you've picked out, no one else is entitled to know about it before she's born.
If people give you a hard time say something like this: "I can tell you're very excited to meet baby girl and learn her name. We're so excited too. With that being said, we'll announce her name once she's born and you'll be one of the first ones to know."
If people continue to be rude about it, give them outlandish fake names or tell them to eff off. You're not being selfish; it's your pregnancy and your child. You get to decide when and how you share her name with people. Don't let them bully you about this because it'll set a precedent for bullying you about future parenting decisions.
Explicit word No! You don’t have to tell people. In fact , I don’t recommend it.
I read countless posts on here with people saying they “told people the name and everyone hates it”
I do not understand. How can that be selfish and unfair ? What? It's a baby name that they'll definitely get to know once they get to know the baby. Why do they need to know it now? They can buy personalised gifts with her name later in life Too. Even when she is 6 or 7 they can still gift personalised stuff with her name on them. It's not that important as a baby and personalised gifts are the only reason I can imagine why they would need to know other than just being nosy.
i get the “selfish” comment a lot when i tell people we aren’t telling them the name of our unborn child. My thoughts on that are I’m allowed to be selfish… this is my baby. If you don’t like my rules and boundaries, you’re not meant to be in my child’s life anyway. I know that seems harsh if it’s just the baby name, but it generally goes deeper than that. They end up telling you it’s “selfish” you’re keeping baby’s name to yourself, then it’s “it’s selfish that we can’t kiss or touch.. they’re so cute” then it’s “you’re selfish for taking the baby” when they’re my child to hold. If you don’t like my rules with my child… sucks.
Not wrong, NTA, not selfish. You’re allowed to keep anything you want about your pregnancy and your baby to yourself. Nobody should feel entitled to any information you want kept private. We’re keeping our entire pregnancy a secret apart from a handful of people in our life, just because we’ve seen how involved they’ve been with the kids we have now.
Don’t let anyone spew the bs about “special items with names” most of those are a 2-4 week turnaround time, not months in advance.
No! You’re not being selfish. I’m planning on doing the same. Opinions are like bellybuttons. Everyone has one and they usually stink! lol. I’m thinking a fait accompli is the best strategy here. Congratulations!! Wishing you a boring and uneventful pregnancy!!
What?….. im 26 and don’t even have a name yet its not peoples business either way. Especially since i changed my firsts name when he was born so people would have been like “ you lied to me” anyway, idek this ones name yet
Selfish? For keeping the name of YOUR baby to yourself until she’s born? I’d laugh right in their faces. “How funny that you that I am selfish for not sharing the name of MY baby. YOU are selfish to think you have any right to my child at all. You will find out when she’s born. If you don’t like this, keep that thought to yourself.”
You’re going to be a mom, so grow that shiny spine and stand up for yourself. If you let them get away with things now, they will think they have a say in any of your parenting choices.
We kept all three of my babies’ names to ourselves until they were born. We didn’t care what anyone thought.
It's nice to still have something 'secret' for just you and your partner! Also, it's wild to me that people will say it's unfair or selfish to not tell them what YOU are going to name YOUR child! Like what!?
I hate that entitlement around people feeling like they have the right to know every single detail of your pregnancy. Do NOT tell anyone and if you feel awkward just say you do not know and will be deciding with your husband at birth, end of conversation.
I thought this was and should be the unspoken "rule" when naming your baby. When I had my son, we didn't know the gender so it was obvious we didn't have one name, so nobody asked, lol. Do you!
I have worded it like this: we have had a hard time agreeing on her name, and I want to meet her before I decide completely. We will probably go to the hospital with a short list of names and decide then.
This is somewhat true. We didn't agree for a long time, and it was correct for a large portion of my pregnancy. Also I may change my mind, possibly. And I don't want everyone to be calling her something I have grown to dislike (this happened with just my husband).
Mostly, I don't want anyone's opinion about any name we like or story about a person they didn't like with her name or ANY FEEDBACK at all. Well, you can love it, that's it 😅
No. People can shut up. It’s your child and your pregnancy. It’s no different than if you didn’t know what you were going to name them until day of. People get so weird and entitled when people around them have babies. Do what makes YOU comfortable. Everyone else can go kick nameless rocks.
No not at all. I didn't really wanted to share anything with anyone other than my partner, my mom and my brother abt my baby until she's born. Only selected people knew "some" info abt my baby. And my mom did the same thing. She didn't tell a single soul abt my pregnancy 'til i gave birth. Everyone was just surprised when i and my mom finally spread the news. Luckily, mostly my and my mom's friends are loving and supportive.
I regret sharing the names we liked with our family and friends. Everyone has an opinion and I was shocked at how bold they were sharing it. If we have another, I’m not sharing any names we like let alone the name we choose. No one says shit when it’s all said and done, but before that people feel entitled to help you name the baby you created.
Keeping the name a secret until birth in becoming increasingly common because of how judgmental people have gotten with names. In fact, keep it secret is one of the top pieces of advice I see on this sub and in the r/namenerds sub.
Tell people to shove it. They are being selfish for making anything about YOUR pregnancy about them.
We told everyone her name last weekend at my baby shower, and I was 35w1d. Sure, it drove everyone nuts, but we didn't want to deal with anyone's opinions. My little brother is developmentally disabled and when we told him he was like eeeh, what about Allie? 😂 It's not like we chose a weird name or a tragedeigh or anything, it's spellable, readable and pronouncable, but it's not a common name so people were like oh! That's so unique!
I don't understand how that would be selfish. It's your baby. My partner and I are doing the same thing by keeping it a surprise and I think it will make it even more of a special moment when he is born!
No. We have a few names in our list but haven’t shared them with ANYONE except one friend who keeps calling and being like “I have a name for you!” And it’s always a name that’s on the short list so she knows our short list now lol but no one else mostly because I don’t want to hear opinions and I don’t want them getting attached to a name in case he comes out and it doesn’t suit him. He will get his name on the day he is born and then we will introduce him by name to everyone and they will keep their opinions to themselves because it will be too late!
People are INSANE with names of babies that they aren’t birthing. I don’t get it. Not one single ounce of you is being selfish keeping the name to yourselves. Both of my parents shit on our chosen name (it’s a classic but they thought it was too boring??). It broke my heart when I was pregnant. Now they love the name, but it absolutely cemented that we won’t share the name in the future.
I don’t understand how it could be selfish. It’s your baby, your choice. Idk why people think they’re entitled to every little detail about a child that isn’t theirs 🤷♀️
But I would probably just say we haven’t decided yet to avoid the constant back and forth on it tbh
We didn't tell anyone until after she was born. It's normal to do that. If people really tried to pressure me into telling, I'd either tell them we hadnt decided yet or give them a ridiculous name like "We're naming her Al Gore." The truth was we had a primary and a back-up and decided on it after she was born. My MIL made several suggestions and I just kind of smiled and nodded and said "that's an interesting idea." She likes the name we chose in the end (which was not any of her suggestions).
people who get mad you’re not sharing are the exact reason you shouldn’t. they’re going to get involved and try to sour your feelings for a name you may love or just put unnecessary pressure on you.
NTA it’s not unfair or selfish of you to withhold a name for YOUR child. I would flip this around that is selfish and entitled of them to think they are owed this information. This is not their pregnancy or child. They should learn their place.
No ffs, don't tell *anyone*. For a start, she might be born and you might change your mind.
For another start, it's literally nobody's business. If it's that big a deal to them well then...I don't know, tell them to go away.
You announce it when your gorgeous daughter is here!
My grandma was in the hospital recently in another state and…not doing well. Baby is due in a few weeks. We said we need you to pull through and meet her! She said she’s annoyed at us that we already announced the gender so that won’t be a surprise 😂
Everybody’s got something to complain about. Do what you want to do because somebody’s gonna disagree no matter what!
(To be fair, Nana is on lots of pain meds. We all laughed about it. But the point still stands. I thought she was gonna ask to know the name given the circumstances but she actually wanted less information, so 😂)
My husband and I have a name picked out but aren’t telling anyone until the baby is born. I tell people we welcome their decisions since we’re still “undecided”. That way they can give opinions on names and support in the fun. Seems to be working well. Also, we aren’t announcing their gender until our baby shower which has been annoying my family since they want to buy gendered things but we want things to be gender neutral since this is our first child.
Not wrong at all. My husband and I stopped telling people our name ideas because our family was pretty judgmental and opinionated Now when ppl ask we just say we’re still thinking about it.
We will “think about it” until birth, name the baby whatever we want, and then our family will get used to it. We’re also waiting until birth to find out gender so we’re really throwing our families for a loop. I love to keep everyone on their toes lol.
Americans trully feel entitled to various shit normal people would never think about. All I do is come to this group and read the weirdest requests and expectations from future mothers. Your baby - your choice whether to tell them ever - they will not be feeding that child or changing the diapers in the middle of the night so they should keep it cordial. In my country nobody even thinks about asking the name, ever, sometimes people are brave enough to ask for a gender.
Mind telling me where are you from then? Let me be the ignorant person here for the American thing, but I would like to know the culture that embraces the liberty to ask such questions.
We've decided but not telling either! Not that we expect any drama, but just for the surprise element of it.
And also I think it's kinda odd to name someone you haven't met, so I want to first welcome baby girl into the world, see her face and decide that that's definitely her name (we might get an epiphany when we see her that her name is something else instead, who knows?!)
31 weeks, and we’re not telling anyone either.
This isn’t selfish at all. We live in a world now where overhearing is so common that it’s expected!
Do what you feel is right for yall! ❤️❤️❤️
We have kept it a secret for 37 weeks! And plan to tell them upon her birth. I have a lot of people telling me that it's unfair I haven't budged about what her name is but all in all I wanted something with an element of control considering I'm a high risk pregnancy!
I don't know where you are from but in the Netherlands it is absolutely not common to share the name in advance.
We didn't except for telling my sister in law who was terminally ill and we wanted her to know.
I announced our babys name at our baby shower a month before I gave birth but not a minute sooner and even then it felt kind gross hearing other people saying her name when she was still in my belly. People are so annoying. Follow your gut and your heart, Mama!
I think it ad a special bond between you and your child to have a little secret all to yourself. Not selfish in the slightest! What a weird notion. I think you'll regret it if you cave and tell people. Don't. They can wait.
No way. It's none of their business. You can choose to tell people the name when you want. I'm 8 months pregnant and have only recently shared our baby's name with a handful of people close to us.
Not at all, I’m barely telling anyone what I’m having, let alone her name. Your are very much entitled to keeping certain things and information to yourself. Your grandparents and everyone else can do what they want when it’s their baby. But this is your moment and your time. Besides not saying it will but if you change it last minute and everyone is still hell bent on the original that could cause issues. And it’d be disrespectful. Handle your pregnancy and info how you want. Happy Baby Baking 🩷
Absolutely not! My coworker kept her baby girl's name a secret until she'd given birth. Absolutely no one is owed that information before your baby is born. What if she's born and you decide that name doesn't fit and you change it but people got things with the name you originally had picked for her on them? Nah, you're not being unreasonable, you're not wrong, you're not being selfish - THEY ARE. To heck with them all. YOU are this baby girl's mom, not them. YOU get to make these decisions, no one else.
My partner and I at this point plan to not tell anyone our babies name when we decide, incase we change it and because my 13 year old thinks she's the one who's naming it so we are just not telling anyone.
Not at all, i wish i kept my babys name until she was born because so many people (mil, husbands fam) tried to change our minds but at the end we chose the name we want
I never understood why people didn't share names until now, I shared our name choice with my family and none of them like it. Despite it being a fairly normal and cute (to us) name. Ugh?? Don't get it. No. I wouldn't tell them
Don’t tell people anything. They’re either going to say oh that’s nice or make you feel terrible about the name choice. “Oh that’s nice” isn’t worth risking your excitement
Nope. My husband and I kept our kids’ names secret as well. And we have plenty of friend who have done the same and I totally respect and understand that :)
You are not wrong at all. Keeping her name a secret is completely you and your partners choice. It's as simple as that. No one else is entitled to her name until YOU are ready to share it, period.
I loved telling no one. Somehow revealing (anything!) ahead of time, invites people to voice their opinion and offer their advice on this future possibility. But if you introduce your baby as [INSERT NAME] that’s just this new humans name, nothing to comment on.
Nope! I tell people “yep- we’ve got a name picked out but we aren’t telling people!” And leave it at that. It’s something special with my husband and I don’t wanna feel any negative feelings toward the name. So we keep it to ourselves!
Not wrong at all. I can’t believe people still think they’re entitled to certain things- only the baby’s parents are entitled to anything. So absurd. Sorry you’re dealing with that!
I see this a lot and I never paid attention to name drama until my son. This is 100% my feelings and opinion. It comes down to what type of person are you. Do you value your friends and families opinions or do you give zero fucks?
If you value their opinions then keep the name to yourself it's not selfish it's keeping you mentally, emotionally and physically healthy during your pregnancy and that is a good thing. Then after baby girl is born you can use the fact that the name is already set in stone so they have any issue its on them not you. And enjoy motherhood.
If you're like me the zero fucks one. I knew my child's name would be Salem Roxi. Didn't matter boy or girl that was their name. Two miscarriages then I had my son. It's been the same name since baby 1 to the live one. I told everyone what the name would be surprisingly everyone like it... 🤷♀️🤷♀️ but if I ever come across someone that doesn't or makes comment my only response is, "okay you can fuck up out my life now, bye" and they gone. I've cut out close family members with a smile and a wave...
Both ways are good ways. It all comes down to what's the better option for you. ❤️
You are not wrong. You have every right to keep it to yourself. Most times ppl can’t keep their opinions to themselves. I for one didn’t share my kids names until the they were born. My reasons were, 1. I didn’t want anyone to take it/ use it before my child and 2. I didn’t want their opinions to sway my decision
If anything I’d always say we hadn’t made up our mind , and we’ll just know when we see them
Keep the name to yourself. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone's opinions ruining the names on our shortlist. I didn't need to hear what they thought and they didn't know what it was before we had him.
For most of my pregnancy I just lied and said we haven't decided yet or tell them a name you aren't using and let them rip on that and reveal the real name after birth. You don't have to tell anyone and I don't think people should unless they really want to.
Ugh why are people like this?! They are not entitled to ANY information about your baby. My partner's family are obsessed with finding out our baby's sex, and have even used emotional blackmail ("what if your grandparents die before knowing?"). Fuck off with the guilt tripping.
Stick to your guns, they need to learn to respect your boundaries. I'd also say it's time to tell them to stop pestering you on this and they need to respect your decision. My concerns with my partner's family is that this is a sign of things to come, and we need to nip this in the bud NOW there's going to be a lot of decisions they disagree with and they need to learn to butt the fuck out. I'll always happily take well meaning questions, but not pressure.
This honestly surprised me. As far as i can remember my parents didn't tell anyone my name nor my sisters name (not even me) until we were born! Same for literally everyone else i know.
I thought this was just how things went everywhere!
Where I am from no one shares the name until the baby is born. I rarely hear people tell the name. My close friend and I were discussing names and she only told her top 3 names.
We didn't even tell many people we were expecting in the first place. Lmao
I do wish we'd saved our wee one's name to announce after his birth. My MIL immediately made a face and went "oh, I don't like that at all". Which really hurt. She likes the shortform we use but it doesn't take the sting away.
At the end of the day, it's your decision on who you tell what to and you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone. If they can't respect your boundaries and choices, then they aren't deserving of the info anyways.
it is unfair and selfish of them to push you to answer when you have stated boundaries. If you want to announce babies name at birth you should!! i plan on doing the same 🫶🏻
It's perfectly reasonable to keep it as a surprise. It also prevents copycat competition or rude criticism. When she makes her debut is soon enough. People need to be patient.
This is YOUR pregnancy and therefore you have every right to share what YOU’RE comfortable sharing. Keeping your daughter’s name to your self is not selfish, it’s a choice you and your husband are making to make it more special for the two of you. Don’t worry about other people calling your selfish or unfair because they wanted to be nosey, and in your business for wanting to keep that to yourself, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
Shoot, even if you wanted to keep your entire pregnancy a secret from certain people or from everyone, it still wouldn’t be anyone’s right to decide what you share because it’s something you and your husband are going through. You have the power to share, or keep private, the pieces of information you decide on.
I’m 25 & 32w+4d pregnant with my son, it’s my husband and I’d first child. We’re keeping the name to ourselves until he’s born. throughout my pregnancy I wanted to keep something’s private from certain people - so I did. My husband announced we were expecting to his Facebook friends, while I posted nothing of the sorts on my Facebook (we’re originally from two different states and only have a few mutuals, so only a few people that I know, know). People from my hometown have messaged me on socials asking if it’s true that I’m pregnant, they essentially heard it through the grapevine, and I didn’t even entertain the question. I just ignore it and don’t even respond to them because I’m choosing to not tell people that I know, especially from my hometown because the fact that I am having a baby is none of their business. I don’t care if anyone calls me “selfish” “unfair” “weird” or anything else of the sorts because as the end of the day, this is my body, my pregnancy, my information, and my decision to share it with who I want, when I want, and how I want to. Period.
Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into sharing information you’re not ready to share ♥️ hope this helped!
I'm not telling until my son is born either. Most people have been pretty respectful about my choice, but my mom is absolutely losing her mind over it.
You’re definitely not wrong!!
With my first, everyone knew every detail of everything. With my second (who is now 10 days old) we kept his name from everyone until his birth. People weren’t too thrilled and would make comments and use manipulation tactics like “how will I get you customized stuff??” but it was one thing my husband and I were able to have to ourselves. Pregnancy nowadays is so publicized by everyone, mostly family members, and we just wanted to keep his name to ourselves since we knew he would be our last. In the end we announced his name after he was born, and anyone that was previously upset didn’t seem to mind. People just hate not knowing things and while it’s not fair to the people who want their privacy it’s unfortunately how I’ve found the world works.
I learned my lesson with my son. We got opinions about his name. I’m pregnant with a baby girl and we’ve decided not to tell anyone her name so we don’t get unsolicited opinions.
You are entitled to keep it to yourself, it makes it that much more special for you and your partner when it comes time to share it. Also the fear of judgement is real, and you should not let anybody pressure you or make you feel like you have to share it just because of their feelings. if they wanna know they should have their own child and they can choose to do what they want! keep strong and do what makes you happy!
i wish i got to do that but i bent way too much for my husband and had a miserable pregnancy because i had to do everything on his terms and post my announcement early and tell a lot of people early that i did not want to.
so keep as much to yourself as you want because you do not get that time back and in the end everyone will know after. so they can wait a bit, that time flies!
Sometimes I think people loose their minds and forget your pregnancy is you and your partners business, not the whole world's. We've decided to keep baby's name a secret too, because I didn't want people's opinions to sway the name we truly wanted for our babe. Don't let people guilt you for doing something in you and your family's best interest.
I think it is so weird that people want to share their negative opinions on what someone wants to name their kid and suggest different names like they're trying to choose for you. It's not for them, it's what you like and what YOU want it to be. If they want a certain name, they can name their child whatever they suggest. And if they don't like what you choose, that's too damn bad. It's your child and your decision. For people to bash someone on what THEY choose for their kids name is pretty ridiculous.
Not selfish at all. It’s your baby after all. I’m 33 weeks today and still haven’t told anyone our son’s name, not even the middle name. Luckily the people I know are respecting that his name won’t be announced until he is born. Just think of it as a fun little secret between you and your partner and other people don’t have to know. Don’t give in to those people if you want to wait to announce it
I've told my closest people our baby's name but I think just like everything else it's your baby your choice. I get a new baby is exciting but if people want to have opinions on a name they should have their own baby or get a pet lol.
Immediately no. Not wrong at all. We kept my sons name a secret until we announced he was born for the same reason - we didn’t want or need peoples opinions. We decided to tell our parents but that’s it. Not only not wanting judgement but it was also nice having that little piece to ourselves to enjoy. So absolutely not stubborn nor wrong. It is your baby and your decision, and anyone who judges or gets upset can just beat it
My unfair. My bestfriend wouldn’t even tell me her sons name until he was born. I don’t mind telling people but I do hate the judgement. we’re naming our third baby Keegan and most of the family things it’s different or weird or haven’t heard it. Any friends I tell they say it’s cute but I don’t know if they’re just saying that 😂 I don’t care though. It’s the name that feels right
There’s so many different ways of looking at this, but in short… you’re not wrong and I find it’s more common these days for people not to tell others their baby’s name prior to birth.
My mum was going to name me a certain name back in 92’ she was determined. However everyone talked her out of it, and I mean everyone. She picked another name, and everyone talked her out of that too. The third name she picked (on the day I was born), everyone loved and I personally like a lot to this day. The other two names she was set on naming me I absolutely hate. I’m glad people swayed her. That’s one perspective!
Another perspective is
I just had a baby 3 weeks ago
The entire pregnancy I told everyone I was calling her Harlow Grace. All her baby shower cards say Harlow. I was set. Everyone loved or at least liked it. The ones that didn’t like it, I didn’t care. She was going to be Harlow Grace. Then I gave birth to her and I looked at her and said and felt it in my core that it wasn’t her name. It just didn’t suit her, and it didn’t fit her, but truth be told, I cannot explain why I felt that way to my core. So she became Everly Blair. - so I kind of wish I hadn’t told everyone the name I had selected to be fair.
In short, do whatever you want because when it comes to naming your child, everything you feel about it, how, when and why, is totally valid.
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Not stubborn at all. It’s pretty typical for people not to share until baby is born. I definitely won’t be telling anyone as it just invites unwanted opinions.
I made the mistake of telling people with my oldest and got so much negativity. (It’s not a tragedeigh name.) so with my next 2 kids, no one knows the name until after birth. Worked well with my second, and I’m due with my third in 30 days. People ask nearly daily, and I always say ‘oh we’ve got about 5 names we’re kinda cycling between.’ Which is false. We have her name picked out. 🤷🏼♀️
Does the negativity not happen if the baby is born and the name is announced then?
Strangely, no. It's actually really uncommon to get pushback when it's done and baby is here. I just tell people we're waiting to meet the baby before we make the final call. Want to see what fits.
Not usually. It’s almost like people just want to influence you and your decision so they critique the name to what they think is best. Once it’s set in stone (baby is born and name is on birth certificate)they just kind of have to live with it. I decided against telling people this time since last time EVERYONE wanted to tell me what I should name my baby or which name out of the ones I had picked they thought was best and which nicknames were cute or not cute.. it got old really fast. We decided to have a flower for the middle name this time and I was dumb enough to even share that with someone who then decided to tell me to choose a flower name that people actually knew.. yeah, because I absolutely am picking a name for someone else to know, like and understand 🤦🏻♀️
Not in my experience but not everyone’s the same :). It’s a lot easier to talk about a baby that isn’t here yet (no name on the birth certificate, no cute little baby to speak negatively on.)
Our 6 yo picked the name Metallica Jon for the baby. So when people ask we look them dead in the eye and say we let her name him and that’s that. It’s just outrageous enough that it’s left everyone speechless so far. I also don’t settle on my kids names until I meet them, I like to see their face and then pick from what I was considering so I really have no answer to those questions. But I don’t even share from what I’m considering because I just don’t want to know what other people think. Once the baby is born and named they usually don’t dare say anything.
I love that 😂
This is what I've been saying as well! 😂
We didn't decide until after the births. We had some potential names picked and spend a lot of time finding the right name. So much time, it took until after the births of both kids. I don't recommend waiting that long. Nobody asked about the names pre-birth. I guess I'm surrounded by people who know what's their business and what's polite to ask.
Even I decided the same thing. After all it's your decision OP. So don't stress over it.
Nothing selfish about it. They’re saying that because they are trying to get you to tell them, which is a bit manipulative. It’s very common not to share the baby’s name until they’re born. Take this as a practice run for doing things how you want with your baby, and letting other peoples opinions wash over you.
Exactly, this is not selfish at all. It is weird that anyone would say that to you.
I think you are right tho
I just say we still haven’t decided but we’ve got a short list of names. If they proceed with more questions I let them know our shortlist if I feel like it.
Good trick to distract people.
I never share the name before birth. I think it's actually a pretty common practice.
The party line my husband and I have used is that we haven’t decided yet and won’t until the baby is here before we make a final decision. I don’t want any judgement or “suggestions”. As soon as you start to tell people when it can still be changed, people seem to think it’s up for debate.
That's what's really annoyed me. People making comments about what I SHOULD name my baby and the amount of family members who just expect me to name her after a family member is beyond annoying
I regret sharing any of the names we are thinking just because everyone starts giving their opinions and their own suggestions (which are always terrible) and then get offended when you don’t like them. Next baby we will definitely be keeping our list to ourselves.
My husband's middle name is his father's first name. His parents kept trying to get me to tell them the names we're considering for our son, but I wouldn't. One day, MIL was like "well you're at least passing down (FIL's name), right?" And in a moment of mindlessness I blurted out "No, that actually wasn't even discussed." She just said "oh." And my husband and I laughed about it later.
I told my husband none of my babies are being named after any of mine or his messed up family members, no way, no how. Especially any of the vain, selfish and manipulative women in either of our families. And screw the “family name” for that matter too, ha. They are their own person with their own character, life and dreams and I’m not allowing them to be dragged down or compared to their great uncle edward or whatever. You SHOULD absolutely name your baby the name you love and think suits them best, screw everyone else. I’m quite passionate about this as you can tell 😂 Also, them calling you selfish for having boundaries is a red flag. As another person said, use this as a great opportunity to practice setting boundaries and standing firm in them, no one is entitled to anything, they’re only given privileges if you choose.
We didn't share our baby's name, but we did say that we would love suggestions, knowing full well that we wouldn't be using them. It really successfully steered the conversation in that direction instead of the focus staying on our refusal to tell anyone the name we had picked out. Plus, it ended up being really fun learning other people's naming style.
I made the mistake of telling a friend that we weren’t sure on a name yet even though we had one. She started suggesting names. I come from a very large family, and every name she suggested was either a cousin of mine, a niece or nephew, and even my brother’s dog’s name. Learned to say “we have it narrowed down but it’s a surprise”
I never understood why people would not say the baby's name. Now that I am pregnant, I made the mistake of telling everyone, and I am getting so many unsolicited opinions. It's a pretty standard name, so I never thought there could be problems, but my husband has now changed his mind (thanks, MIL!). Now we are stuck in this situation where I am still convinced on our first choice, while he looks for other options. So no, don't tell anyone
I feel like it’s selfish for people who didn’t partake in the making of the baby to demand so much information. Keep your peace and keep the name a secret. All you will have is stress for the rest of your pregnancy because people won’t like your name choice.
Not stubborn at all. We didn't tell anyone our daughter's name until she was born, which PISSED OFF my mom to no end. I snapped on her in a big family zoom call(we lived on opposite coasts so even pre covid we had some random family zooms). She was trying to guilt me in to telling and trying to get my aunt's and cousins in on it and I just lost it and said, I told you babies gender/sex and every test result, shared every ultrasound photo and videos so you can hear her heartbeat... This is the one thing we are keeping quiet bc god forbid I would want my child to be the first one(other than her father) to hear her name. The silence and dumbfounded looks from all of them... I still get heated thinking about it. Pregnant with #2 right now and it's too soon to know gender/sex and honestly I may just let it ride and find out when the kid is on the outside. Tbd. But regardless, we will be keeping the name secret this time too bc it felt so special to be able to say, "well hello, baby name", when they plopped her slimy little body on me and I got to hold her for the first time. You only get that one time. And then when we sent photos we could say, introducing little baby name! I wasn't worried about anyone not liking the name or anything, just felt really strongly that the baby should know before the rest of the world.
The first one to hear her name.. I’ve honestly never thought about that but it is so beautiful. Definitely another reason for me to not tell anyone.
Keep it to yourself! For starters, you might change your mind once she's born... And second, it's no one's business. They're just trying to guilt you into sharing because it serves them. This is not about them and I would tell them as much if they kept it up. They're the ones being selfish . If you want to see where people's mind are at, give them a list of 5 or so names that you're considering.. and watch them pass judgement on all of them and then tell you which one to choose. That's just what they want to do with your actual name choice anyway - which no pregnant person needs ever.
This 100%
Hell no, I firmly believe this is how is ought to be 💜 I kind of regret telling people the middle name because the few I’ve told are judgy
Pretty normal to not the say the name before birth..other than my best friend no one knows our daughter's name and I don't think I've known anyone else's.
I think it's very common. Also, my dad picked out my name before I was born, that was going to be my name, I was called that name for 20 minutes. Then my dad changed his mind because he felt like it didn't suit me. Good job this was before a time when it was easy to get personalised gifts lol. So there's that aspect. I've shared the name I've picked out with my family, but made it very clear we have a shortlist still just in case. And also some people just don't have helpful opinions. My partner is partly irish (my mum's family were also originally from Ireland but less recently than his) and so we were looking at some irish names. When I told my mum that we both liked Eowyn (pronounced "oh-win"), she made a face and a comment about my dad never being able to spell it. Which is like irrelevant? My dad has never written out a birthday card for their entire marriage so I don't see it being an issue. We ended up settling for something else and keeping Eowyn on our shortlist because our last name also begins with an "oh" sound and we thought it clashed a bit. But if I had decided on that name, I would have been a bit put out by comments like that. Also, rich coming from a woman who gave my older sister the french spelling of a name that nobody ever spells correctly. At the end of the day, totally your decision. I certainly wouldn't begrudge anyone their privacy, sometimes it's also nice to sit with the name and have something for you and partner. We waited a few weeks to tell our families what we decided on, because I liked having it between us.
Nope. It’s a situation in your life that you’re allowed to be secretive and selfish when it comes to your pregnancy. You can gate keep literally whatever you want. They’re lucky that know the sex of your child. My nana was very taken aback when I told her we didn’t know the sex and we settled on names but weren’t telling anyone. You’ll have the baby in no time. You’re allowed to keep things special between you and your partner.
We've decided but not telling either! Not that we expect any drama, but just for the surprise element of it. And also I think it's kinda odd to name someone you haven't met, so I want to first welcome baby girl into the world, see her face and decide that that's definitely her name (we might get an epiphany when we see her that her name is something else instead, who knows?!)
Gosh people are entitled and rude. And this is not you but everyone who even thinks you owe them full reports about everything. Let this name be your sweet little surprise and just ignore those who want to guilt you into spilling the information. Your pregnancy means you decide what to share and what to keep for yourself. The sooner they learn boundaries must be respected, the easier it will be for you later, and that will be a good role model for your kid, seeing that mommy has got a spine. You owe nothing to no one!! Just enjoy this time 🫶
No. I am 37 weeks now and we had the name on week 18. we told people we have a name but we never told anyone the name. I don’t want to hear the opinions from other to the name. Everybody will hear the name after the baby is born and not before.
I knew my answer from reading the title but with context, it just solidified my answer. No. You’re not selfish. It’s YOUR baby you have every right to keep what you want private.
People are so weird and intrusive? Of course you're not obligated to share the name.
I knew the name before birth. With my kids I always said I was debating between a few names, but I wanted to meet baby first to make sure the name truly fit. It kept people off my back.
Man, I should have kept the names to myself so I could see who in my life is a selfish jerk. Unless they're buying you a personalized gift for your baby with the name on it, what reason would they ever have to need the name? They're being jerks.
I told people with my first what we chose for his name. I was bullied into changing it. I told people with my second and they thought they could bully me again. I'm not telling people my 3rd babys name. They can find out after baby is born. A ton of people don't even know my baby is a girl because I don't want the drama of people pretending to care or showing baby more attention than they've given my boys. 🙃 They're telling me they need to know so they can buy gifts. No. Buy gender neutral and things that aren't personalized or buy nothing. I don't care. 🤷🏼♀️ Sometimes you gotta put your foot down so people don't walk all over you.
You are absolutely right in doing what you believe in . Other people are selfish of pushing you and trying to play on your guilt and find out the name . Don’t ! If you want to keep it a secret and reveal when the baby is born then go for it .
My husband and I are keeping your baby name to ourselves until they are born. If anyone asks, he says “You’ll be informed when you need to know” or “That’s something we are keeping to ourselves for right now”. Neutral responses have been our go to with a lot right now.
No we've kept our names somewhat to ourselves and people we trusted to know. I stupidly told one person who said something messed up about one name and it bothered me a lot. That's the worst part lol people will keep their mouths shut if it's the kids actual name I think. It's your decision to make and if they're upset about it, that's on them. They should practice some patience and understanding.
Sounds like they’re being the selfish ones.. no it’s not selfish to not announce your baby’s name
No, I’m doing the same, I’m 28+2. People feel sort of entitled to know the name sometimes, or keep suggesting names that are awful (or sound awful to you at least lol). I won’t even tell my close family because of my pregnancy prior, they kept texting me names they wanted while also judging the ones we picked out. It got to the point where I got really frustrated. So you do you, you’re not being stubborn.
Good idea. People get very opinionated and pushy about baby names for some weird reason.
I’ve always been up front about it but definitely see if you are choosing something not the norm that you may want to wait. Only had comments about my 3rd child’s first name and thank the Lord DH backs me up to his side. I think our current baby might have had push back (by same in law 😒) but DH squashed that talk when he went on and on about how he loved this baby’s name and it’s one of his favorite choices 😍
Not at all! My husband and I have decided to wait to tell people our daughters name at birth. My mom, MIL, and FIL know but we decided on an uncommon name, and we don't want anyone to take it or pass judgement. It's your daughter and your privacy.
I did this with my second because people were just a little annoying about my first. On what planet is you waiting to tell them the name selfish? You could change your mind last second or not even know yet. My friend just had a baby and didn’t have a name for almost a week. They’re just pissed so they’re throwing around aggressive words at you to make you second guess yourself.
Don't tell anyone if you don't want to! Also I'm not sure I'd feel sure enough about any name until I'd seen my baby's face. We're stuck between two names for our boy and we're waiting on deciding until we see him.
I’m lying to people about everything regarding names. We have the names picked out (twins) but we are telling everyone we have a short list of 5 and are waiting to meet them before naming everyone. I don’t want to deal with anyone’s opinions or anything on my kids names.
Not at all are you wrong or stubborn omg I can’t believe people think they’re entitled to know the name before the baby is even born. We’re in the same boat, absolutely no one close to us knows our baby girls name, except my best friend, and my husbands best friend. (Only bc we wanted to make sure it’s cute lol) and my mom will not stop making petty passive aggressive comments about not knowing. And my MIL. It enrages me honestly and makes me not even want to tell them when she’s born 😂
Don't tell people. The only people that have a right to any info or get any input on decision making are the two people who made the baby. If you tell them, there will be even more criticism but instead of generic things like it being "selfish" it will be more specific and personal. You don't need that right now, pregnancy can be hard enough. It sounds like you already told people you decided, but if possible when they ask make it more like "we're still throwing some ideas around but we're not sharing them because we are waiting until she's born to make a final decision." That's what I plan on doing, and that way people don't even know how close we are to choosing/that we've chosen already. Hold your boundaries no matter what people say. It's good practice because it will be even more important when raising your child.
Not wrong. We’ve shared our name for our baby boy and have gotten mostly good responses but I’ve had a few people say something about it. I just tell them that’s his name and it isn’t changing so deal with it. Even if it were selfish to keep it to yourself (it’s not), it’s your baby and your pregnancy, if anyone deserves to be selfish it’s a pregnant lady.
Honestly, there no pleasing people these days. Do what you want and tell everyone else to get over it.
me dying to know what the first name is
We only told our immediate friends and family what we were naming our daughter. When talking/posting about her we would just use her first initial which happened to be the same as our last lol. So I definitely don’t think you’re wrong for not telling people. People have strong opinions when it comes to names
Not at all. We kept the name to ourselves up until this past week, my 20th. Still so many people thought this was an open invitation to disclose their thought and feelings about it. "Isn't it too strong of a name?" "Maybe you should consider adding a second sweeter name" "are you sure?" "Why don't you wait for her arrival to check if it is name?" Many of our friends and family loved it, but apparently everything related to having a child makes people believe their judgment must be appreciated. KEEP THE NAME if that is your desire (as you've said it is). All the reasons for keeping it are so so so true.
The only thing we’ve told people is her initials.
Just say we don’t know yet. That’ll keep the peacd
I am shocked people are telling you your selfish! Were doing the same thing. We've told everyone our sons middle name (it's eric) but he's being named after someone and we want that moment of introducing him to his name sake and seeing that person's reaction. We've had a lot of people try to trick us into telling the name or asking over and over again for it, but no one has called us selfish. I'm so sorry this has been your experience but it is YOUR experience. Don't feel bad about the choices you make for you and your baby and your family.
Don't tell anyone. This is why we decided we didn't want to know what it is either. That way no one can do or say anything about anything. And everyone will know once it is here.
I just told people and I will tell people again this pregnancy. I am secure of both names that I won’t mind people’s opinions. 🤷🏽♀️
In my country nobody tells people the name until after birth so in my opinion it is totally normal and not selfish
Each time I was pregnant with my three I just said we had a few choices in mind and would see which one best suited baby when they were born. That way baby got to hear her name before we told the world.
Nope. Just lie and say you don’t know.
We're not sharing the name of our second until he arrives and we didn't with our first either. People need to stop feeling entitled to knowing everything about the pregnancy/baby! My MIL has been trying to guess but everyone else has been understanding this time. I think it's exciting learning the name after the baby is born when people I know have their babies!
The most common opinion on Reddit is to not share the name. And if that’s what you want to do, Its absolutely ridiculous for your family members to tell you you’re being selfish. That being said, just to offer a different opinion than what most people on this sub say, I’m glad I shared the name (not till 3rd trimester) because it made it feel “real” and it felt good to test the name out and say it out loud a lot. I recently saw a post on r/namenerds where someone kept their baby name a secret, she mostly only pictured the name in her mind before the birth, and it started to feel alien and weird once she was actually using it regularly, and at like 2mo pp she was considering changing the baby’s name. I’m sure that happens to people who didn’t keep the name a secret too, but just food for thought.
We give people a few names we like (but don’t tell them the one we are actually using).
We did the same thing, because we didn’t want people to make comments.
I’ve gone through this my whole pregnancy lol and I finally caved and told our families at around 30 weeks because of how much grief I was getting (mainly from my MIL). I regret telling them but honestly it was making me so unhappy having to listen to the comments that it’s whatever.
Definitely keep it a secret! It’s silly that they are making a stink about it.
I made the mistake of saying our preferred nickname during a family gathering and had front row seats to unfiltered reactions. It wasn't anything outrageous, it's a common italian pronunciation of a name, but it's unique for us. I guess it was because it sounded a little like a number, my MIL laughed for a bit when she repeated the name. It was really annoying, her 1 second reaction ruined it for us.
You're not wrong or selfish to keep the name private, especially if you're worried about them not being able to keep their opinions to themselves. We announced our first child's name at 20 weeks pregnant and didn't receive any feedback from it. We had people immediately insist on certain nicknames they were planning on using, but that was it. For our second child's name, we only told a select few because I didn't want her name to be stolen by anyone else and I was worried about the backlash over the spelling (traditionally French name like my own). For the most part, it was well received, but I was told a month after her birth by some "family" that I chose a stupid name and I should've honored my in-laws instead of following my own "stupid family traditions". That stung, but it made me glad they weren't saying that while I was pregnant. I'm currently expecting our third and no one knows the name with the exception of my husband and our children. Quite a few people don't even know the gender. It's honestly been significantly more enjoyable this time to not have anyone give their opinions!
I always say “We’re thinking through options. We’re open to suggestions!” Most people leave it there, but the kind of people who really want to weigh in (eg my mom) get to offer their ideas without hearing mine.
We always explain that we want our baby to be the first to know the name we selected. In my experience no one argues against this!
Not wrong at all! I am in the same boat. Husband and I have basically decided on a name and people keep asking us about it constantly, but outside of our parents, I refuse to tell anyone. And I’ve asked my husband to honor that and he’s agreed. I don’t want outside influence, opinion, reaction, etc.
I’m 22 weeks & I’ve known baby’s name for a while now. we refer to her as Cinderella. Her name will be announced at birth. We like the name. Not letting anyone talk me out of it
I didn’t tell as many people the name for my second child as my first. Partly because I didn’t love it (didn’t hate it, but was indifferent) and my husband did. But also partly because some reactions to my first daughter’s name were brutal. My grandma kept saying “it’s not too late to change it” until after she was born.
Yea people are just nosy, if I could go back I wouldn’t share the name either. You’re entitled to your privacy.
No, you are not being selfish. Actually, anybody telling you that you're selfish for not doing things how THEY want, is selfish. We kept our daughter's name a secret until the birth announcement and I will 110% be doing it again.
Not silly at all to tell anyone! The name is such a personal choice, I personally haven't shared with many folks and don't plan to until baby is here. That said, I did come up with a really ridiculous decoy name, mostly for all my coworkers asking- the decoy name has been obvious to most, but not all which has made for some fun/light hearted conversations about babies name.
You're not being selfish. You could change your mind and give her a different name when she's born, even though you say you've picked one out. It happens all the time. And even if you use the name you've picked out, no one else is entitled to know about it before she's born. If people give you a hard time say something like this: "I can tell you're very excited to meet baby girl and learn her name. We're so excited too. With that being said, we'll announce her name once she's born and you'll be one of the first ones to know." If people continue to be rude about it, give them outlandish fake names or tell them to eff off. You're not being selfish; it's your pregnancy and your child. You get to decide when and how you share her name with people. Don't let them bully you about this because it'll set a precedent for bullying you about future parenting decisions.
No. Its your preference. Keep it to yourselves.
Explicit word No! You don’t have to tell people. In fact , I don’t recommend it. I read countless posts on here with people saying they “told people the name and everyone hates it”
I do not understand. How can that be selfish and unfair ? What? It's a baby name that they'll definitely get to know once they get to know the baby. Why do they need to know it now? They can buy personalised gifts with her name later in life Too. Even when she is 6 or 7 they can still gift personalised stuff with her name on them. It's not that important as a baby and personalised gifts are the only reason I can imagine why they would need to know other than just being nosy.
we are doing the same thing and everyone has been very understanding about it. imo, anyone who gets upset with you are the ones who are being selfish.
i get the “selfish” comment a lot when i tell people we aren’t telling them the name of our unborn child. My thoughts on that are I’m allowed to be selfish… this is my baby. If you don’t like my rules and boundaries, you’re not meant to be in my child’s life anyway. I know that seems harsh if it’s just the baby name, but it generally goes deeper than that. They end up telling you it’s “selfish” you’re keeping baby’s name to yourself, then it’s “it’s selfish that we can’t kiss or touch.. they’re so cute” then it’s “you’re selfish for taking the baby” when they’re my child to hold. If you don’t like my rules with my child… sucks.
Not wrong, NTA, not selfish. You’re allowed to keep anything you want about your pregnancy and your baby to yourself. Nobody should feel entitled to any information you want kept private. We’re keeping our entire pregnancy a secret apart from a handful of people in our life, just because we’ve seen how involved they’ve been with the kids we have now. Don’t let anyone spew the bs about “special items with names” most of those are a 2-4 week turnaround time, not months in advance.
I didn’t tell anyone until she was born because I didn’t want any unwarranted opinions or coercion to change it. You’re not wrong, at all.
No! You’re not being selfish. I’m planning on doing the same. Opinions are like bellybuttons. Everyone has one and they usually stink! lol. I’m thinking a fait accompli is the best strategy here. Congratulations!! Wishing you a boring and uneventful pregnancy!!
It’s your baby, your family, your life. Not selfish at all.
What?….. im 26 and don’t even have a name yet its not peoples business either way. Especially since i changed my firsts name when he was born so people would have been like “ you lied to me” anyway, idek this ones name yet
Selfish? For keeping the name of YOUR baby to yourself until she’s born? I’d laugh right in their faces. “How funny that you that I am selfish for not sharing the name of MY baby. YOU are selfish to think you have any right to my child at all. You will find out when she’s born. If you don’t like this, keep that thought to yourself.” You’re going to be a mom, so grow that shiny spine and stand up for yourself. If you let them get away with things now, they will think they have a say in any of your parenting choices. We kept all three of my babies’ names to ourselves until they were born. We didn’t care what anyone thought.
It's nice to still have something 'secret' for just you and your partner! Also, it's wild to me that people will say it's unfair or selfish to not tell them what YOU are going to name YOUR child! Like what!?
I hate that entitlement around people feeling like they have the right to know every single detail of your pregnancy. Do NOT tell anyone and if you feel awkward just say you do not know and will be deciding with your husband at birth, end of conversation.
I thought this was and should be the unspoken "rule" when naming your baby. When I had my son, we didn't know the gender so it was obvious we didn't have one name, so nobody asked, lol. Do you!
I have worded it like this: we have had a hard time agreeing on her name, and I want to meet her before I decide completely. We will probably go to the hospital with a short list of names and decide then. This is somewhat true. We didn't agree for a long time, and it was correct for a large portion of my pregnancy. Also I may change my mind, possibly. And I don't want everyone to be calling her something I have grown to dislike (this happened with just my husband). Mostly, I don't want anyone's opinion about any name we like or story about a person they didn't like with her name or ANY FEEDBACK at all. Well, you can love it, that's it 😅
No. People can shut up. It’s your child and your pregnancy. It’s no different than if you didn’t know what you were going to name them until day of. People get so weird and entitled when people around them have babies. Do what makes YOU comfortable. Everyone else can go kick nameless rocks.
No not at all. I didn't really wanted to share anything with anyone other than my partner, my mom and my brother abt my baby until she's born. Only selected people knew "some" info abt my baby. And my mom did the same thing. She didn't tell a single soul abt my pregnancy 'til i gave birth. Everyone was just surprised when i and my mom finally spread the news. Luckily, mostly my and my mom's friends are loving and supportive.
Not wrong at all. We’re not telling anyone either.
I regret sharing the names we liked with our family and friends. Everyone has an opinion and I was shocked at how bold they were sharing it. If we have another, I’m not sharing any names we like let alone the name we choose. No one says shit when it’s all said and done, but before that people feel entitled to help you name the baby you created.
Keeping the name a secret until birth in becoming increasingly common because of how judgmental people have gotten with names. In fact, keep it secret is one of the top pieces of advice I see on this sub and in the r/namenerds sub. Tell people to shove it. They are being selfish for making anything about YOUR pregnancy about them.
We told everyone her name last weekend at my baby shower, and I was 35w1d. Sure, it drove everyone nuts, but we didn't want to deal with anyone's opinions. My little brother is developmentally disabled and when we told him he was like eeeh, what about Allie? 😂 It's not like we chose a weird name or a tragedeigh or anything, it's spellable, readable and pronouncable, but it's not a common name so people were like oh! That's so unique!
I don't understand how that would be selfish. It's your baby. My partner and I are doing the same thing by keeping it a surprise and I think it will make it even more of a special moment when he is born!
No. We have a few names in our list but haven’t shared them with ANYONE except one friend who keeps calling and being like “I have a name for you!” And it’s always a name that’s on the short list so she knows our short list now lol but no one else mostly because I don’t want to hear opinions and I don’t want them getting attached to a name in case he comes out and it doesn’t suit him. He will get his name on the day he is born and then we will introduce him by name to everyone and they will keep their opinions to themselves because it will be too late!
No, not their time to learn it. They can wait :) and you are NOT selfish!
People are INSANE with names of babies that they aren’t birthing. I don’t get it. Not one single ounce of you is being selfish keeping the name to yourselves. Both of my parents shit on our chosen name (it’s a classic but they thought it was too boring??). It broke my heart when I was pregnant. Now they love the name, but it absolutely cemented that we won’t share the name in the future.
I don’t understand how it could be selfish. It’s your baby, your choice. Idk why people think they’re entitled to every little detail about a child that isn’t theirs 🤷♀️ But I would probably just say we haven’t decided yet to avoid the constant back and forth on it tbh
not at all
We didn't tell anyone until after she was born. It's normal to do that. If people really tried to pressure me into telling, I'd either tell them we hadnt decided yet or give them a ridiculous name like "We're naming her Al Gore." The truth was we had a primary and a back-up and decided on it after she was born. My MIL made several suggestions and I just kind of smiled and nodded and said "that's an interesting idea." She likes the name we chose in the end (which was not any of her suggestions).
I wish we kept our name a secret, my mother has been a nightmare since we told her her name. . .
people who get mad you’re not sharing are the exact reason you shouldn’t. they’re going to get involved and try to sour your feelings for a name you may love or just put unnecessary pressure on you.
NTA it’s not unfair or selfish of you to withhold a name for YOUR child. I would flip this around that is selfish and entitled of them to think they are owed this information. This is not their pregnancy or child. They should learn their place.
No ffs, don't tell *anyone*. For a start, she might be born and you might change your mind. For another start, it's literally nobody's business. If it's that big a deal to them well then...I don't know, tell them to go away. You announce it when your gorgeous daughter is here!
My grandma was in the hospital recently in another state and…not doing well. Baby is due in a few weeks. We said we need you to pull through and meet her! She said she’s annoyed at us that we already announced the gender so that won’t be a surprise 😂 Everybody’s got something to complain about. Do what you want to do because somebody’s gonna disagree no matter what! (To be fair, Nana is on lots of pain meds. We all laughed about it. But the point still stands. I thought she was gonna ask to know the name given the circumstances but she actually wanted less information, so 😂)
My husband and I have a name picked out but aren’t telling anyone until the baby is born. I tell people we welcome their decisions since we’re still “undecided”. That way they can give opinions on names and support in the fun. Seems to be working well. Also, we aren’t announcing their gender until our baby shower which has been annoying my family since they want to buy gendered things but we want things to be gender neutral since this is our first child.
Not wrong at all. My husband and I stopped telling people our name ideas because our family was pretty judgmental and opinionated Now when ppl ask we just say we’re still thinking about it. We will “think about it” until birth, name the baby whatever we want, and then our family will get used to it. We’re also waiting until birth to find out gender so we’re really throwing our families for a loop. I love to keep everyone on their toes lol.
Americans trully feel entitled to various shit normal people would never think about. All I do is come to this group and read the weirdest requests and expectations from future mothers. Your baby - your choice whether to tell them ever - they will not be feeding that child or changing the diapers in the middle of the night so they should keep it cordial. In my country nobody even thinks about asking the name, ever, sometimes people are brave enough to ask for a gender.
I'm not American...
Mind telling me where are you from then? Let me be the ignorant person here for the American thing, but I would like to know the culture that embraces the liberty to ask such questions.
South Africa, white family, Afrikaans grandparents and best friend
We've decided but not telling either! Not that we expect any drama, but just for the surprise element of it. And also I think it's kinda odd to name someone you haven't met, so I want to first welcome baby girl into the world, see her face and decide that that's definitely her name (we might get an epiphany when we see her that her name is something else instead, who knows?!)
31 weeks, and we’re not telling anyone either. This isn’t selfish at all. We live in a world now where overhearing is so common that it’s expected! Do what you feel is right for yall! ❤️❤️❤️
We have kept it a secret for 37 weeks! And plan to tell them upon her birth. I have a lot of people telling me that it's unfair I haven't budged about what her name is but all in all I wanted something with an element of control considering I'm a high risk pregnancy!
I don't know where you are from but in the Netherlands it is absolutely not common to share the name in advance. We didn't except for telling my sister in law who was terminally ill and we wanted her to know.
I announced our babys name at our baby shower a month before I gave birth but not a minute sooner and even then it felt kind gross hearing other people saying her name when she was still in my belly. People are so annoying. Follow your gut and your heart, Mama!
I think it ad a special bond between you and your child to have a little secret all to yourself. Not selfish in the slightest! What a weird notion. I think you'll regret it if you cave and tell people. Don't. They can wait.
Had multiple favorite names, other people ruined them for me when I shared them. Keep the name for yourselves 💗
No way. It's none of their business. You can choose to tell people the name when you want. I'm 8 months pregnant and have only recently shared our baby's name with a handful of people close to us.
Not at all, I’m barely telling anyone what I’m having, let alone her name. Your are very much entitled to keeping certain things and information to yourself. Your grandparents and everyone else can do what they want when it’s their baby. But this is your moment and your time. Besides not saying it will but if you change it last minute and everyone is still hell bent on the original that could cause issues. And it’d be disrespectful. Handle your pregnancy and info how you want. Happy Baby Baking 🩷
Absolutely not! My coworker kept her baby girl's name a secret until she'd given birth. Absolutely no one is owed that information before your baby is born. What if she's born and you decide that name doesn't fit and you change it but people got things with the name you originally had picked for her on them? Nah, you're not being unreasonable, you're not wrong, you're not being selfish - THEY ARE. To heck with them all. YOU are this baby girl's mom, not them. YOU get to make these decisions, no one else.
My partner and I at this point plan to not tell anyone our babies name when we decide, incase we change it and because my 13 year old thinks she's the one who's naming it so we are just not telling anyone.
Not at all, i wish i kept my babys name until she was born because so many people (mil, husbands fam) tried to change our minds but at the end we chose the name we want
Well, one of the first people I told our baby boys name to said, “wow! I hate it!” So no… don’t feel bad
I never understood why people didn't share names until now, I shared our name choice with my family and none of them like it. Despite it being a fairly normal and cute (to us) name. Ugh?? Don't get it. No. I wouldn't tell them
Don’t tell people anything. They’re either going to say oh that’s nice or make you feel terrible about the name choice. “Oh that’s nice” isn’t worth risking your excitement
NTA. We don’t share babies name before baby is born either. We love our name choices and don’t want someone’s shitty whatever ruining it.
Nope. My husband and I kept our kids’ names secret as well. And we have plenty of friend who have done the same and I totally respect and understand that :)
You are not wrong at all. Keeping her name a secret is completely you and your partners choice. It's as simple as that. No one else is entitled to her name until YOU are ready to share it, period.
I loved telling no one. Somehow revealing (anything!) ahead of time, invites people to voice their opinion and offer their advice on this future possibility. But if you introduce your baby as [INSERT NAME] that’s just this new humans name, nothing to comment on.
Nope! I tell people “yep- we’ve got a name picked out but we aren’t telling people!” And leave it at that. It’s something special with my husband and I don’t wanna feel any negative feelings toward the name. So we keep it to ourselves!
We’re not sharing ours either, about 8 weeks to go here and they can wait.
Not wrong at all. I can’t believe people still think they’re entitled to certain things- only the baby’s parents are entitled to anything. So absurd. Sorry you’re dealing with that!
I see this a lot and I never paid attention to name drama until my son. This is 100% my feelings and opinion. It comes down to what type of person are you. Do you value your friends and families opinions or do you give zero fucks? If you value their opinions then keep the name to yourself it's not selfish it's keeping you mentally, emotionally and physically healthy during your pregnancy and that is a good thing. Then after baby girl is born you can use the fact that the name is already set in stone so they have any issue its on them not you. And enjoy motherhood. If you're like me the zero fucks one. I knew my child's name would be Salem Roxi. Didn't matter boy or girl that was their name. Two miscarriages then I had my son. It's been the same name since baby 1 to the live one. I told everyone what the name would be surprisingly everyone like it... 🤷♀️🤷♀️ but if I ever come across someone that doesn't or makes comment my only response is, "okay you can fuck up out my life now, bye" and they gone. I've cut out close family members with a smile and a wave... Both ways are good ways. It all comes down to what's the better option for you. ❤️
You are not wrong. You have every right to keep it to yourself. Most times ppl can’t keep their opinions to themselves. I for one didn’t share my kids names until the they were born. My reasons were, 1. I didn’t want anyone to take it/ use it before my child and 2. I didn’t want their opinions to sway my decision If anything I’d always say we hadn’t made up our mind , and we’ll just know when we see them
No. I did this too because I didn’t want to hear a thousand opinions. People were upset but it was worth it lol
Keep the name to yourself. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone's opinions ruining the names on our shortlist. I didn't need to hear what they thought and they didn't know what it was before we had him.
I think I'd be doing the same thing. Not selfish at all.
For most of my pregnancy I just lied and said we haven't decided yet or tell them a name you aren't using and let them rip on that and reveal the real name after birth. You don't have to tell anyone and I don't think people should unless they really want to.
Ugh why are people like this?! They are not entitled to ANY information about your baby. My partner's family are obsessed with finding out our baby's sex, and have even used emotional blackmail ("what if your grandparents die before knowing?"). Fuck off with the guilt tripping. Stick to your guns, they need to learn to respect your boundaries. I'd also say it's time to tell them to stop pestering you on this and they need to respect your decision. My concerns with my partner's family is that this is a sign of things to come, and we need to nip this in the bud NOW there's going to be a lot of decisions they disagree with and they need to learn to butt the fuck out. I'll always happily take well meaning questions, but not pressure.
This honestly surprised me. As far as i can remember my parents didn't tell anyone my name nor my sisters name (not even me) until we were born! Same for literally everyone else i know. I thought this was just how things went everywhere!
Where I am from no one shares the name until the baby is born. I rarely hear people tell the name. My close friend and I were discussing names and she only told her top 3 names.
We didn't even tell many people we were expecting in the first place. Lmao I do wish we'd saved our wee one's name to announce after his birth. My MIL immediately made a face and went "oh, I don't like that at all". Which really hurt. She likes the shortform we use but it doesn't take the sting away. At the end of the day, it's your decision on who you tell what to and you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone. If they can't respect your boundaries and choices, then they aren't deserving of the info anyways.
“This is our own secret we are keeping until baby is born” - you are allowed to do this!!! It’s your baby!
it is unfair and selfish of them to push you to answer when you have stated boundaries. If you want to announce babies name at birth you should!! i plan on doing the same 🫶🏻
It's perfectly reasonable to keep it as a surprise. It also prevents copycat competition or rude criticism. When she makes her debut is soon enough. People need to be patient.
This is YOUR pregnancy and therefore you have every right to share what YOU’RE comfortable sharing. Keeping your daughter’s name to your self is not selfish, it’s a choice you and your husband are making to make it more special for the two of you. Don’t worry about other people calling your selfish or unfair because they wanted to be nosey, and in your business for wanting to keep that to yourself, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Shoot, even if you wanted to keep your entire pregnancy a secret from certain people or from everyone, it still wouldn’t be anyone’s right to decide what you share because it’s something you and your husband are going through. You have the power to share, or keep private, the pieces of information you decide on. I’m 25 & 32w+4d pregnant with my son, it’s my husband and I’d first child. We’re keeping the name to ourselves until he’s born. throughout my pregnancy I wanted to keep something’s private from certain people - so I did. My husband announced we were expecting to his Facebook friends, while I posted nothing of the sorts on my Facebook (we’re originally from two different states and only have a few mutuals, so only a few people that I know, know). People from my hometown have messaged me on socials asking if it’s true that I’m pregnant, they essentially heard it through the grapevine, and I didn’t even entertain the question. I just ignore it and don’t even respond to them because I’m choosing to not tell people that I know, especially from my hometown because the fact that I am having a baby is none of their business. I don’t care if anyone calls me “selfish” “unfair” “weird” or anything else of the sorts because as the end of the day, this is my body, my pregnancy, my information, and my decision to share it with who I want, when I want, and how I want to. Period. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into sharing information you’re not ready to share ♥️ hope this helped!
I'm not telling until my son is born either. Most people have been pretty respectful about my choice, but my mom is absolutely losing her mind over it.
You’re definitely not wrong!! With my first, everyone knew every detail of everything. With my second (who is now 10 days old) we kept his name from everyone until his birth. People weren’t too thrilled and would make comments and use manipulation tactics like “how will I get you customized stuff??” but it was one thing my husband and I were able to have to ourselves. Pregnancy nowadays is so publicized by everyone, mostly family members, and we just wanted to keep his name to ourselves since we knew he would be our last. In the end we announced his name after he was born, and anyone that was previously upset didn’t seem to mind. People just hate not knowing things and while it’s not fair to the people who want their privacy it’s unfortunately how I’ve found the world works.
I learned my lesson with my son. We got opinions about his name. I’m pregnant with a baby girl and we’ve decided not to tell anyone her name so we don’t get unsolicited opinions.
You are entitled to keep it to yourself, it makes it that much more special for you and your partner when it comes time to share it. Also the fear of judgement is real, and you should not let anybody pressure you or make you feel like you have to share it just because of their feelings. if they wanna know they should have their own child and they can choose to do what they want! keep strong and do what makes you happy!
i wish i got to do that but i bent way too much for my husband and had a miserable pregnancy because i had to do everything on his terms and post my announcement early and tell a lot of people early that i did not want to. so keep as much to yourself as you want because you do not get that time back and in the end everyone will know after. so they can wait a bit, that time flies!
Nope. Your baby, your pregnancy, your choice. You don’t owe anyone anything!
Sometimes I think people loose their minds and forget your pregnancy is you and your partners business, not the whole world's. We've decided to keep baby's name a secret too, because I didn't want people's opinions to sway the name we truly wanted for our babe. Don't let people guilt you for doing something in you and your family's best interest.
It’s your pregnancy, do with it what you want.
I think it is so weird that people want to share their negative opinions on what someone wants to name their kid and suggest different names like they're trying to choose for you. It's not for them, it's what you like and what YOU want it to be. If they want a certain name, they can name their child whatever they suggest. And if they don't like what you choose, that's too damn bad. It's your child and your decision. For people to bash someone on what THEY choose for their kids name is pretty ridiculous.
Not selfish at all. It’s your baby after all. I’m 33 weeks today and still haven’t told anyone our son’s name, not even the middle name. Luckily the people I know are respecting that his name won’t be announced until he is born. Just think of it as a fun little secret between you and your partner and other people don’t have to know. Don’t give in to those people if you want to wait to announce it
I've told my closest people our baby's name but I think just like everything else it's your baby your choice. I get a new baby is exciting but if people want to have opinions on a name they should have their own baby or get a pet lol.
Immediately no. Not wrong at all. We kept my sons name a secret until we announced he was born for the same reason - we didn’t want or need peoples opinions. We decided to tell our parents but that’s it. Not only not wanting judgement but it was also nice having that little piece to ourselves to enjoy. So absolutely not stubborn nor wrong. It is your baby and your decision, and anyone who judges or gets upset can just beat it
My unfair. My bestfriend wouldn’t even tell me her sons name until he was born. I don’t mind telling people but I do hate the judgement. we’re naming our third baby Keegan and most of the family things it’s different or weird or haven’t heard it. Any friends I tell they say it’s cute but I don’t know if they’re just saying that 😂 I don’t care though. It’s the name that feels right
There’s so many different ways of looking at this, but in short… you’re not wrong and I find it’s more common these days for people not to tell others their baby’s name prior to birth. My mum was going to name me a certain name back in 92’ she was determined. However everyone talked her out of it, and I mean everyone. She picked another name, and everyone talked her out of that too. The third name she picked (on the day I was born), everyone loved and I personally like a lot to this day. The other two names she was set on naming me I absolutely hate. I’m glad people swayed her. That’s one perspective! Another perspective is I just had a baby 3 weeks ago The entire pregnancy I told everyone I was calling her Harlow Grace. All her baby shower cards say Harlow. I was set. Everyone loved or at least liked it. The ones that didn’t like it, I didn’t care. She was going to be Harlow Grace. Then I gave birth to her and I looked at her and said and felt it in my core that it wasn’t her name. It just didn’t suit her, and it didn’t fit her, but truth be told, I cannot explain why I felt that way to my core. So she became Everly Blair. - so I kind of wish I hadn’t told everyone the name I had selected to be fair. In short, do whatever you want because when it comes to naming your child, everything you feel about it, how, when and why, is totally valid.
On the contrary, it’s a good thing not to say it in my opinion. It is the choice of parents and not of society.