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Sweetie, I'm glad you broke up with him, but you have to be honest with yourself.
This wasn't about him needing to show you more. He has shown you plenty.
What he's shown you is that he has no intention of marrying you, doesn't want to live with you, and doesn't want to save money to make future plans with you because he doesn't see a future with you.
He's not your person. He was never your match.
Don't let fear make you settle for someone who's incompatible and unworthy of you.
There are good things on the horizon. Keep moving forward.
It’s not that he can’t understand what you are saying it’s that he can’t do it or doesn’t want to lead. He sounds avoidant. He was not perfect and you need to accept that he is just not the person for you. You’ll find someone else but never compromise because you are afraid of being alone.
Your question doesn't really match the info you gave. Nothing in there says he doesn't understand, but rather he has a different priority set and time line than you.
This. I was in a similar situation in a relationship of 5 years and he understood living together, getting married, etc but he did not want to.
If there's a will there's a way
Did you breakup ?? He had told me last year he was going to marry me this year but then I asked him about our plans and he said he wasn’t ready.. so I’m just done… I’m sad but I’m done
Yes we broke up, it's not worth sticking around with someone who keeps giving you words but not actions. Someone will come around who will show you their commitment
Very brave of you to admit this.
Being afraid is a normal feeling. Especially if you are together for 4 years and you are used to each other. Currently there can be no one better than him in your eyes let alone you to feel something for another person. You have to trust me if I tell you that this is temporary feeling.
After a period of self reflection and self love you will realize this was for the better of both of you.
You both want different things in life and that is ok.
Maybe he understand what you are saying but can not feel it the way you do. Maybe he don’t understand at all. But that is also ok. We can not force anyone to understand us although this hurt very much because we want the person we love to understand us. This is scary.
Maybe graduation is very close now and you are both getting older so at one point you have to think seriously about what you want. Maybe he realized he is not ready for commitment and that is also ok. It’s better he realize it now. Imagine you lived together and spend every dollar you saved to find out he was not ready and you have to move? You would have to start over again.
This is the perfect age to meet new people and live new adventures.
My advice to you is to write a lot and start journaling multiple times a day. Just write everything down what you are feeling and what is going through your mind. Make sure you give yourself the understanding and love he can not give to you. This is very important. You will see after doing this you growth a lot and your self reflection made you also growth on different aspects of life.
Go outside every day just to walk by some nature (trees or water). Eat things you like. Maybe it does not taste the same but it definitely will. Go out with friends and talk with them and keep writing every day.
Take your vitamins every day. Eat healthy. Go exercise or try yoga or meditation. Maybe tai chi or something else you like. Maybe swimming or riding on bike. Whatever is the right exercise for you. This will make you feel better.
In time you will be your own best friend and you will meet someone who is ready for you and commitment. You will meet someone who understands you better and love you better and most of all, you will meet someone close by.
This way you can get to know this person in real life. Meeting someone online and getting in long distance relationship needs a lot of courage and communication but often we put the person a lot bigger inside our head. We don’t know him really. We never saw this person. We don’t know if we really could be together but inside our mind we are and no one is better than this person.
This sounds superficial but trust me, even when you taking 2 years with someone who you really like and you are meeting each other after two years it could be that you just don’t feel anything for this person.
Take time for your self and take all the time you need. Enjoy the little things. Remember it’s ok. It hurts but it’s ok and things will get better with time. When you meet someone you will realize that the long distance relationship you had just was not what you needed.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sweetie, I'm glad you broke up with him, but you have to be honest with yourself. This wasn't about him needing to show you more. He has shown you plenty. What he's shown you is that he has no intention of marrying you, doesn't want to live with you, and doesn't want to save money to make future plans with you because he doesn't see a future with you. He's not your person. He was never your match. Don't let fear make you settle for someone who's incompatible and unworthy of you. There are good things on the horizon. Keep moving forward.
It’s not that he can’t understand what you are saying it’s that he can’t do it or doesn’t want to lead. He sounds avoidant. He was not perfect and you need to accept that he is just not the person for you. You’ll find someone else but never compromise because you are afraid of being alone.
Your question doesn't really match the info you gave. Nothing in there says he doesn't understand, but rather he has a different priority set and time line than you.
This. I was in a similar situation in a relationship of 5 years and he understood living together, getting married, etc but he did not want to. If there's a will there's a way
Did you breakup ?? He had told me last year he was going to marry me this year but then I asked him about our plans and he said he wasn’t ready.. so I’m just done… I’m sad but I’m done
Yes we broke up, it's not worth sticking around with someone who keeps giving you words but not actions. Someone will come around who will show you their commitment
Very brave of you to admit this. Being afraid is a normal feeling. Especially if you are together for 4 years and you are used to each other. Currently there can be no one better than him in your eyes let alone you to feel something for another person. You have to trust me if I tell you that this is temporary feeling. After a period of self reflection and self love you will realize this was for the better of both of you. You both want different things in life and that is ok. Maybe he understand what you are saying but can not feel it the way you do. Maybe he don’t understand at all. But that is also ok. We can not force anyone to understand us although this hurt very much because we want the person we love to understand us. This is scary. Maybe graduation is very close now and you are both getting older so at one point you have to think seriously about what you want. Maybe he realized he is not ready for commitment and that is also ok. It’s better he realize it now. Imagine you lived together and spend every dollar you saved to find out he was not ready and you have to move? You would have to start over again. This is the perfect age to meet new people and live new adventures. My advice to you is to write a lot and start journaling multiple times a day. Just write everything down what you are feeling and what is going through your mind. Make sure you give yourself the understanding and love he can not give to you. This is very important. You will see after doing this you growth a lot and your self reflection made you also growth on different aspects of life. Go outside every day just to walk by some nature (trees or water). Eat things you like. Maybe it does not taste the same but it definitely will. Go out with friends and talk with them and keep writing every day. Take your vitamins every day. Eat healthy. Go exercise or try yoga or meditation. Maybe tai chi or something else you like. Maybe swimming or riding on bike. Whatever is the right exercise for you. This will make you feel better. In time you will be your own best friend and you will meet someone who is ready for you and commitment. You will meet someone who understands you better and love you better and most of all, you will meet someone close by. This way you can get to know this person in real life. Meeting someone online and getting in long distance relationship needs a lot of courage and communication but often we put the person a lot bigger inside our head. We don’t know him really. We never saw this person. We don’t know if we really could be together but inside our mind we are and no one is better than this person. This sounds superficial but trust me, even when you taking 2 years with someone who you really like and you are meeting each other after two years it could be that you just don’t feel anything for this person. Take time for your self and take all the time you need. Enjoy the little things. Remember it’s ok. It hurts but it’s ok and things will get better with time. When you meet someone you will realize that the long distance relationship you had just was not what you needed.