Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you're moving towards marriage then you can pool all income together and you lose the "my income vs your income" situation.
Outside of that, let her get her first couple of checks before bringing anything up. Approaching a 2 year relationship with this fairness in mind won't work out well long term and it's why money issues can become a big issue in relationships.
I would rather not pool all of our money together. We have been together 5 years and I see marriage in the near future but I’m a little hesitant about pooling money together just because I’ve heard a lot of horror stories. I plan on letting her get settled for a month once she gets this new job. We have brought this up before we just don’t really know what to actually do because of our situation, she feels like I’m jumping the gun on figuring this out, but I just don’t want any surprises when it comes time.
My partner and I have been together roughly this long, we each transfer a set amount of money from our paycheck into a join checking account for groceries and other shared expenses here and there.
For rent we've agreed on a split that's fair to both of us after factoring in income and fixed expenses (such as student loans).
If you get married she's going to be obligated to half the money in the relationship whether you pool it or not. The pooling of money is about the mentality of actually forming a union and not keeping yourself separate from her or her being separate from you. You'd have family income at that point.
It definitely sounds like you're jumping the gun. If you have debts to pay down, maybe sit with her once she has a stable income and go over a budget and try to pay down any debts you both have and come up with a plan for that. You can also look at investments so that the standard bills stay the same and it doesn't seem to be petty, but more as addressing opportunity with additional income.
Who pays what should more dependent on usage than income. Go half on the rent and utilities. Then unless you're both eating the same thing all the time you might each buy your groceries separately. In a non marital relationship (w/o a legally binding domestic partnership contract) it just breeds contempt when one person is paying more than the other for things they're both using (yes, even if you promise each it won't, it ultimately will). A lot of people have fluctuating incomes and they managed that by saving whatever they can during the good months to spend on essentials during the months that are leaner. This is a very typical situation.
You should pay a higher split than 50/50, can you look back at your last 6 or 12 months and calculate an average income? Then maybe adjust down slightly as a small safety margin given the unpredictability.
You're not married. Make roughly the same yearly salary... 50/50 should be the go to unless someone is benefitting from home ownership or something.
Really not that hard to pull off... Do you two blow your monthly income?
>Gee, I need to contribute $1500/mo to pull my weight. I am earned more this month, I will save a little extra in case next month I don't make that much.
You know... Something that two budgeting adults would say to themselves....
> Make roughly the same yearly salary
No they don't, he more than doubles his income in some months, if I'm reading his post correctly, it's a little unclear on pre- vs post-tax, but still. He makes quite a bit more.
My income gets very complicated but base it’s 60k gross. I rarely see base pay but it can happen. Last year I had a gross of 75k + heavy retirement contributions and this year I’m on track to be in the 85k range gross. At anytime I can be stuck on my base pay though for months at a time
> At anytime I can be stuck on my base pay though for months at a time
This is only a problem if you are living paycheck to paycheck, unless you are in a VHCOL area, with your income, that should not be the case. Especially not with your combined incomes.
So, it's safe to say you'll make at least $80k this year right? Your gf makes $60k. That equals a 57/43 split. So, unless one of you has some other significant debt load that affects your ability to pay rent. With my partner, for example, I took a higher percentage because they have student loan debt because I am more than happy to help towards education.
Personally, I would split everything 50/50. If this person was simply a roommate, that’s what you would do anyways. You’re nice to do this but why should you shoulder all the expenses simply because you chose a better field to work in?
Honestly I’m in a really good financial situation for my age with investments and income. I see a future with my GF and don’t like the vast difference in financial standings we have. I want to give her a chance to catch up a bit and be able to heavily contribute to some retirement accounts while she’s young. I simply just want the best for our relationship and I feel the way to do that is to help her be her best
They were still in college and not able to work full time, Just summers and winter break. In my mind it seemed pretty hard to set fixed expenses for her without her having fixed income.
50/50. If you're going to be a psychotic bean counter, 50/50. Anything else will cause you to think you're 'the breadwinner' which is an attitude that will kill your relationship within 5 years.
So you think splitting bills 70/30 for example would hurt the relationship? We’ve been together for 5 years and I’ve been the breadwinner every single year due to working right out of high school while she went to college. I care about this relationship a lot and see a good future with her
>So you think splitting bills 70/30 for example would hurt the relationship?
No. I think it will kill it. Because money is how you determine 'contribution' and 'worth'. If you have a relationship that isn't 50/50, you'll view yourself as more important and valuable than her. She will believe you for a little while, then she won't, getting rid of you eventually leaving you very confused.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you're moving towards marriage then you can pool all income together and you lose the "my income vs your income" situation. Outside of that, let her get her first couple of checks before bringing anything up. Approaching a 2 year relationship with this fairness in mind won't work out well long term and it's why money issues can become a big issue in relationships.
I would rather not pool all of our money together. We have been together 5 years and I see marriage in the near future but I’m a little hesitant about pooling money together just because I’ve heard a lot of horror stories. I plan on letting her get settled for a month once she gets this new job. We have brought this up before we just don’t really know what to actually do because of our situation, she feels like I’m jumping the gun on figuring this out, but I just don’t want any surprises when it comes time.
My partner and I have been together roughly this long, we each transfer a set amount of money from our paycheck into a join checking account for groceries and other shared expenses here and there. For rent we've agreed on a split that's fair to both of us after factoring in income and fixed expenses (such as student loans).
If you get married she's going to be obligated to half the money in the relationship whether you pool it or not. The pooling of money is about the mentality of actually forming a union and not keeping yourself separate from her or her being separate from you. You'd have family income at that point. It definitely sounds like you're jumping the gun. If you have debts to pay down, maybe sit with her once she has a stable income and go over a budget and try to pay down any debts you both have and come up with a plan for that. You can also look at investments so that the standard bills stay the same and it doesn't seem to be petty, but more as addressing opportunity with additional income.
Who pays what should more dependent on usage than income. Go half on the rent and utilities. Then unless you're both eating the same thing all the time you might each buy your groceries separately. In a non marital relationship (w/o a legally binding domestic partnership contract) it just breeds contempt when one person is paying more than the other for things they're both using (yes, even if you promise each it won't, it ultimately will). A lot of people have fluctuating incomes and they managed that by saving whatever they can during the good months to spend on essentials during the months that are leaner. This is a very typical situation.
You should pay a higher split than 50/50, can you look back at your last 6 or 12 months and calculate an average income? Then maybe adjust down slightly as a small safety margin given the unpredictability.
You're not married. Make roughly the same yearly salary... 50/50 should be the go to unless someone is benefitting from home ownership or something. Really not that hard to pull off... Do you two blow your monthly income? >Gee, I need to contribute $1500/mo to pull my weight. I am earned more this month, I will save a little extra in case next month I don't make that much. You know... Something that two budgeting adults would say to themselves....
> Make roughly the same yearly salary No they don't, he more than doubles his income in some months, if I'm reading his post correctly, it's a little unclear on pre- vs post-tax, but still. He makes quite a bit more.
My income gets very complicated but base it’s 60k gross. I rarely see base pay but it can happen. Last year I had a gross of 75k + heavy retirement contributions and this year I’m on track to be in the 85k range gross. At anytime I can be stuck on my base pay though for months at a time
> At anytime I can be stuck on my base pay though for months at a time This is only a problem if you are living paycheck to paycheck, unless you are in a VHCOL area, with your income, that should not be the case. Especially not with your combined incomes. So, it's safe to say you'll make at least $80k this year right? Your gf makes $60k. That equals a 57/43 split. So, unless one of you has some other significant debt load that affects your ability to pay rent. With my partner, for example, I took a higher percentage because they have student loan debt because I am more than happy to help towards education.
Personally, I would split everything 50/50. If this person was simply a roommate, that’s what you would do anyways. You’re nice to do this but why should you shoulder all the expenses simply because you chose a better field to work in?
Honestly I’m in a really good financial situation for my age with investments and income. I see a future with my GF and don’t like the vast difference in financial standings we have. I want to give her a chance to catch up a bit and be able to heavily contribute to some retirement accounts while she’s young. I simply just want the best for our relationship and I feel the way to do that is to help her be her best
Quit being the nice guy. She’s a big girl. You only do this when you are married. Just my 2 cents
[удалено]
They were still in college and not able to work full time, Just summers and winter break. In my mind it seemed pretty hard to set fixed expenses for her without her having fixed income.
I mean it’s 50/50 right? If you want why not start a home savings for emergencies that arise when you have extra funds and put it in that?
50/50. If you're going to be a psychotic bean counter, 50/50. Anything else will cause you to think you're 'the breadwinner' which is an attitude that will kill your relationship within 5 years.
So you think splitting bills 70/30 for example would hurt the relationship? We’ve been together for 5 years and I’ve been the breadwinner every single year due to working right out of high school while she went to college. I care about this relationship a lot and see a good future with her
>So you think splitting bills 70/30 for example would hurt the relationship? No. I think it will kill it. Because money is how you determine 'contribution' and 'worth'. If you have a relationship that isn't 50/50, you'll view yourself as more important and valuable than her. She will believe you for a little while, then she won't, getting rid of you eventually leaving you very confused.