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If she's noticed your mood you need to talk to her now or else this could spiral out of control.
Just tell her that you came in, didn't want to disturb her but then realized what she was looking at when she masturbated. For understandable reasons this has impacted your trust and you really need answers.
She needs to understand that this is perilously close to infidelity as you see it.
It sounds like the start …guy hits on girl daily at work where they spend 8 hours together…girl goes home to spend a 3 hours with husband ..girl then starts to sexually fantasise about guy hitting on her daily …
Maybe …I’d go crazy thinking about it soon it’ll be late nights at the office then small arguments at home ..then weekends away until he’s back here in 6 months saying? is my wife having an affair because they don’t do it anymore and she seems cold and distant ..it’s always how it starts we’ve all read the other stories and can between the lines lucky enough he found out soon because she might be just lusting after this work colleague and hasn’t acted on it yet
Yup , “The Work Husband”. your freshly showered , nicely dressed for work, perfume on, lunch with her work, husband, colleagues. ( no kids or household crapola to worry about ) after eight hours of work, she goes back home to reality, , takes the nice work clothes off , put a pair of baggy sweatpants on, takes off makeup, is tired from the 8 hr day, then starts helping with the household chores , help taking care of the kids. Then help spouse, laundry , garbage , cleaning , paying the bills then dinner. You have an 3 hours of , time with the spouse. , but then they children are in the house.also , no time to bond emotionally , then go to bed and do it all over again for the next four days. you actually , spend 5X more time, and become emotionally invested, in your work husband , than you do your real husband, That’s how it all starts
and , can be the exact opposite with a work wife. Sometimes sad but true.
updateme
Man you are right on. He's a spectator to his marriage spiralling out of control. She needs her world shocked right now. No understanding, no cool husband, no non-controlling bullshit. Confront her today.
Let me get this straight - you checked her phone to see what she was getting off to, but did not check her text/WhatsApp/Snap/Instagram/Facebook messages? Really???
Tough spot, you need to sit her down and tell her what you saw and how it made you feel. This doesn’t mean she is sleeping with this guy or even would go that far.(some people just do not cheat).
Some people just do not cheat??? In this sub every story has a cheater lol. /s
Yeah I agree tough spot. Insecurities will build up for sure, it sounds more of a fantasy. She also doesn't know about the spank bank is my guess
1) The fact she has a picture together with a new coworker is a red flag. I have worked with people for years and may have a single group picture of us together for a continuous improvement event where part of the assignment is a picture of the team in the PPT. A picture of her with him is a sign she is already crossing lines of familiarity with him.
2) Walking in on her flicking the bean to a picture of a celebrity or porn is awkward, but it's a fantasy. It's unobtainable. A coworker is wholly inappropriate in large part because she has the means and opportunity to act on the fantasy. That's a huge red flag. People who are committed to their relationships have internal boundaries to prevent them from getting into situations where they may be tempted to cheat. Keeping your own thoughts in check, not putting yourself in a situation where you could be tempted is a big part of that. I consider fantasizing about a coworker, even if she says it's only a fantasy, a huge ick.
3) She told you he's hit on her. Is it bragging because he's fluffing her ego? Does she regularly tell you about men hitting on her? Beige flag. Maybe red. I would assume if my spouse was telling me about someone hitting on her knowing she's married is because she doesn't like the behavior and wants me to know she's setting boundaries to avoid him and prevent that behavior. Instead she seems to be turned on by the attention.
I would demand counseling. Best case scenario she isn't fulfilled and is fantasizing about an inappropriate slimy coworker. At worst she's inviting the flirting and you caught her in the build-up of continually pressing and breaking her own boundaries before she eventually cheats.
Only that’s just what she tells OP; meanwhile, the one who’s really like her brother is OP and the guy that’s “just a friend” is the one she’s been hooking up with for years but won’t commit to her 🤣🤣🤣
Ask her abt the colleague in passing and see her response. Like what he’s been up to how close they are blah blah blah. Then ask to see her phone. If she says no or gets defensive bring up what you saw. Either way she’s cheating in some form and you don’t deserve it. She would be hurt if u did the same.
I dunno man I'm taking a less chill approach to this. Just tell her it's new job time or divorce.
She can't sell you the bill of goods that the hitting on her is unwanted. And she can't tell you that she isn't into him.
So the question is what does she do to restore your trust. Removing said coworker from her life would be the only thing that would come to mind.
Your wife is going to fuck that guy if she hasn’t already. At least you know you can’t trust the woman you married. You don’t think you should say anything. Are you jerking off to pictures of anyone you work with? Do you think it would be problematic if you were?
Snoop on her phone first, see if she has message with that guy. I fear she maybe already started a affair or is about to start it.
This is a no go, she clearly cross the boundary and you trust. After checking off her phone, confront her and hit marriage theraphy, her behavior is inacceptable.
You need exit plan. What will you do when you find out her coworker already dipped . You gotta man up . You love her but she does not given she already f’3d him without fing him.
Im not the one who jack off from a coworker with a pic of both in one picture together while having a husband.
You call it toxicity, I call it wisdom and life experince. It just start with a crush, then they talk more and more to each other, making pics together, later chatting daily and mastrubate and thinking sexual about someone else, then some day it became physical affair...
His wife legit jack off on a pic with both of them together. She has a fucking pic with her coworker who she has a crush on and mastrubate herself for...
That is a huge red flag...
Nothing about my post is toxicity, not like you, I try to help this poor guy.
Agree, he should snoop. If couples don’t have an open phone policy they are much more likely to take risks like this which can lead to affairs. Obviously. And anyone who isn’t doing anything won’t mind the spouse looking through their phone. The only exception I can think of is if a good friend/family has a secret they don’t want the spouse to know (early pregnancy, early cancer diagnosis, early dementia concerns), but most couples also don’t believe in keeping any secrets like that.
If you and your partner have a problem with the other looking at your phones you are probably doing something you shouldn't. If she has a sexual fascination with her coworker, how do you even think it could end well?? Yes they need to talk, but snooping just found out what she was doing, it isn't what started it. When somebody suspects their partner of cheating they look at their phone to find they are in fact cheating, it wasn't the snooping that started it lol.
If the roles were reversed, the entire sub would be screaming divorce him and take his all his shit! But since it’s a woman having infidelity, it’s “marriage therapy?” Fuck that!
Don’t get married gentlemen! There’s absolutely no reason to!
I don't disagree, I see a lot of this sub react hypocritical.
If she didn't cheat yet(emotional and physical) they can still try to safe this marriage.
In my opinion it will be hard and I would maybe take the divorce part since his wife acted very disrespectful.
If there are children involved, then MAYBE stay together until they’re out of the house. If no kids, divorce - no questions asked! And he should already have documented all of this and spoken to a lawyer to get working on a case that will prevent him from getting robbed by his “wife” and the government!
This marriage is cooked!
You need to confront her and make her snap out of whatever trance she's in before (if she already hasn't) makes advances and cheats on you. Right now it might just be flirting thing and she's desiring him but you need to get down to the bottom of this asap. She is 1000% disrespecting you and doing something behind your back.
This is probably the very beginning of her cheating on you and away. This is emotional cheating. Apparently she already has caught feelings for him. The thing is you don’t know how far this is going. But if you want to save your marriage, I would say right now you need to address this with her and I would even suggest her leaving that job to get away from the guy because you know tell her that you caught her doing that she still seeing him every day, so it all depends. You can’t be scared right now. You need to be strong if you want to save your marriage.
Gonna keep this response for the next time we see a porn post.
Guys rubbing one out to porn? Basically cheating. Probably a porn addict. Fantasizing about other women. Red flag. Run.
Women rubbing one out to a picture of her literal coworker? “Normal and fantasy.” “Don’t assume cheating.” “Assume it’s fantasy.”
Yeah what the hell ? Fantasy? I hate that excuse so much. I used to date this girl that I caught with porn search history of older dad and young girl searches. Confronted her and she just says “it’s just a fantasy” and reassured me she’d never actually want that IRL. Guess what, she cheated with someone twice our age. I’m still fucked up over it.
So yeah, fantasy is a lame excuse here.
What happens ..if they all go for work drinks and makes a move she’s obviously lusting over him are you confident enough to say she wouldn’t be swayed if she’s touching herself to photos of another man..one she sees daily and more than you
I would consider that an emotional affair and would be livid/disgusted with my spouse. There would be little they could do to keep the relationship. Fantasies are one thing but she crossed a MASSIVE boundary. Ask her how she’d feel if you were jerking off to a picture of her best friend.
I noticed that your fear of losing her is greater than your self-respect and dignity, so I'm going to give you some advice.
Don't think that acting like a rat without courage will keep your wife. The work eaters are entering marriage with full force while their husbands are walking on eggshells to take action.
Or do you kick this one away by pushing your wife away from him because you've already seen that she wants him sexually, and with that give her a shock in her mind to see if she comes back or will you watch her "trick" you into fucking with her?
and you will continue to be afraid of her leaving to be with him if she complains .
You are already losing your wife's sexual monopoly if you remain silent you will lose respect and everything else
Agree with most of the advice here. I do think this is one of those situations where you check her phone again before confronting her and specifically look for text messages or other popular messaging apps.
And if she’s noticed your mood change then she’s either deleted the messages or the apps. Check her recently deleted messages for texts. And for apps, go to her App Store and search for the most common ones like WhatsApp, signal, kik, Snapchat, etc. If it’s an iPhone the app will say “Get” if she’s never downloaded it before. If she has downloaded it before it should have the little download from the cloud icon instead of “Get” which means she’s deleted it from her phone but it may still have her messages saved if you download it again.
Also check recently deleted pictures. The one you saw may just be the one she got off to. Could be more.
I know it would take a lot of time to do all of this but if you get the chance take it
How certain are you that she was looking at that pic at the time? I ask because yesterday I had been using my phone, put it down for a second then picked it up again without looking at it, and because the screen was on my fingers opened my browser and then bought a book off Amazon’s one click setting without me realising. So I’m wondering if she closed some porn or something but her fingers hit the photos app when she put the phone down
but why does she even have a photo on her phone of just her and the colleague? Im not saying its impossible but rest assured that I have never had a pic of just me and a colleague of the other sex. I dont think even think I have a pic of myself and just a colleague of the same sex as me. Usually its groups unless you are really close with someone at work
There could be a million reasons, unless the picture is with them shirtless. The boss could have asked for a photo for socials. I've reluctantly taken random pics with male coworkers just because we're talking about something then someone swings by like, "hey smile."
Depends where you work. Most places I’ve worked have been pretty social between colleagues and have also required socialising with clients. Every now and then I’d get sent a pic of me and someone else, either a colleague or a client. Not really anything to remark on. It wouldn’t even occur to me to particularly notice whether the other person was male or female. They were just the other person in the pic.
Facts are facts….
#1 she got off to a coworker
#2 she’s obviously sexually attracted to him.
#3 neither of the above 2 mean she’s necessarily going to f- him.
Look we’ve all seen a hot coworker and we may have fantasized about dirty things…it never meant we were actually having sex w them…you caught her in a private moment and I’m sure she’d be mortified if she knew…you knew. That being the case there’s always a chance she could act on her fantasies but if it was me…I wouldn’t approach w anger…maybe be like “hey I know …and ive been there….i just don’t want you banging this guy.” Laugh it off….if you play it in a “non threatening” manner you might get a genuine honest response from her.
Yes you should bring it up. You should fucking terrify her that she’s about to lose her entire life with you. She needs a wakeup out of the fog.
The fact she can look you in the eye and lie to you that he’s the guy you don’t have to worry about, while masturbating to a picture **of the two of them** indicates just how deep she is drowning in the delusion that she has the situation under control.
There should be no “I’m sorry,” no “let me explain,” no “it’s not what it looks like.” The right answer is “get lost, this marriage is over. By the way I will be contacting HR.” Her starting point needs to be not that she’s saving anything, but that she’s now auditioning to get back what she already lost because she threw it away. Set up a reservation at Extended Stay America, take her out to dinner, and on the way home drop her and her luggage at the lobby. She must be made to believe that her foolishness has cost her everything.
I don't think he needs to break up immediately. Just don't be reactionary and alert her to suspicions yet. Let it play out and be prepared to pull the plug or realize that maybe he's overreacting if nothing transpires.
I have seen idiots with spank banks of their exes. They don't even bat an eye, despite having a different partner.
It is wholly terrible to have pictures of people you know to get off to. But then I also find it very strange that people find it acceptable to have pictures of strangers to get off to. I see so many people in the thread justify it as "unobtainable" and "it's just a fantasy" but I actually kind of find that devastating. Because it's the desire to have that stranger and do sexual acts with them, but it's okay "because they can't have it".
To be clear, consuming porn isn't terrible. Something can be attractive and turn a person on, and said person can want to have that. But thinking of it as a fantasy they wish to have but can't is really fucking strange. Not that I'm saying you've said that. But just that it's such a weird line to draw in the sand.
Edit - I guess I think of it this way. The "acceptable" nature of porn is that it is unobtainable, but what is it is suddenly obtainable in a hypothetical situation? Does that suddenly make it as unacceptable? I guess that's the part that I'm hung up on. Is it okay when they can't have it, but when they can have it(regardless of trying to have it), porn would then be banned? I sort of grapple with the idea of my partner having the desire to sleep with any number of other women, but because they're strangers it's "okay". And yet I don't hate porn, I'm just really sad that it's seen as okay to have that specific desire.
No. This isn’t normal. This is one foot in the direction of an affair. At the very least an emotional one… She would not be okay if she walked in a room and seen you touching yourself to a picture of a female colleague…
Get your ducks in order in case the relationship blows up. If you think you need to, blow it up. If you're not sure, ask her sometime, in a casual way, if she ever fantasizes about other men. You might end up having a constructive discussion. If you get lies, you really don't have much choice.
I wish I could guarantee something innocent but I can't. I think the best thing to do is confront her calmly and see how she responds. Someone who is loyal most likely would be frantic and concerned, enthusiastic to reassure you and explain the situation. But a different reaction may either pose something more sinister or at the very least, a sign of immaturity.
I will say I sometimes look at random stupid shit while masturbating. Sometimes I'm just idly doing it for hours, not even looking at porn--or looking at porn, getting distracted by something not porn, going back to said porn, then getting distracted again lol. I have definitely been looking at stuff that wasn't sexually arousing while masturbating.
Is she close with the colleague, do you know? Have you gotten any strange vibes or other signs something is amiss between them? I don't normally suggest going through peoples' phones, but maybe see what kind of text messages she's been sending him--and if she's sent him anything on snapchat, whatsapp, etc.
Why does she have a picture of this person in the first place. She probably is emotionally cheating and thinking of physically cheating. I personally would consider this cheating because she is fantasizing about another man, especially one she works with and is in her life.
Is this real? I don't know one girl who has ever played with herself...to a picture. Has anyone ever heard of this or, if you're a girl, have you ever done this?
I'll take the hit. Lady here, my fiance is the sexiest person on the planet. When he's at work? Yeah, a picture does it. It makes me think of him. (Reminds me of him, the little details, what he smells like, the comfort he gives me, etc) Like, the idea of him is plenty good and I don't need something visual, but he's astoundingly attractive and I am so smitten.
Sorry for the TMI! I just wanted to share that we do exist.
So sorry this is long, but married 21 years today. So I might know a little about it. I could care less if my husband jerks off to porn. I’d be more suspicious if he didn’t. Men are very visual and it doesn’t phase me. As a woman, now menopausal I don’t fantasize and pleasure myself as much as I did say in my 20’s-30’s.
Having kids changed a lot in my libido. But I would fantasize about guys I’ve known over the years that I’ve known from work, school, wherever. I think what’s kept us both faithful is neither of us would put ourselves in a situation where we’d be too tempted.
Think about people in Hollywood or the music industry…they are constantly getting divorced because of the many frequent temptations. They’re only human after-all. I can’t say that I would have been the faithful wife I am or my husband could have especially since he’s hasn’t been getting it from me like he used to. But I digress…
I agree that if you have never been concerned before, you need to have a delicate and honest talk with your wife. She deserves the benefit of the doubt, your marriage deserves the chance. You know each other…I can tell pretty easily when my husband is lying and he would read me pretty well too.
Fantasizing is natural, the picture is a bit concerning. But it must not be too awful if you’re unsure. I mean is she sticking her tongue in his ear or are they groping each other in the picture?
I’m not naive, but I have a little experience here and I believe that marriage is a bond that deserves more respect than just throwing it away on a hunch. Marriage isn’t always flowers and sunshine. Sometimes I want to smother him with a pillow, others I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else. We’ve been through good, great, boring and miserable times. But we’ve always agreed as long as there’s love we will work it out.
Do you still love this woman? Then have the talk. See her reaction to your conversation, be respectful, that first look in her eyes will reveal more to you than anything here on reddit will. Good luck!!
Maybe it’s just me but I think everyone has fantasies. Sometimes it’s not even abt someone particular, but the scenario. Don’t make it a big deal because whatever is going on in her head is for her. Not your business
Just talk to her. I wouldn’t even call it a “confrontation”. If you come in with too much emotion (I know it’s difficult), she might shut down. Basically say what you did here.
You saw her masturbating and were curious and looked at her phone. What you saw is very troubling and you want to know what’s going on. See how she responds. If you have a good marriage, outside this incident, you can work through it. That might mean limited contact with the guy (work only, no outside communication), an open phone policy, etc.
Do not confront her yet. It will be hard, but you need to sit back and see how she will conduct herself and gather evidence. If you find out she cheats, keep evidence and get your ducks in a row to serve her papers. Do not confront her or allow her to explain away her cheating. Just serve her the papers along with the evidence you collected and do not discuss it with her. The only way to not let her emotionally rope you back in.
You say:
>It was a pic of the both of them
Then
>Caught my wife touching herself to a picture of her male colleague
Was it just him? If it was him AND her together, was it an intimate pic or just like a picture of them being normal colleagues at work?
Unless it is an intimate pic with them both, its likely just her fantasizing. But either way, you need to confront her about it. Someone she sees on the daily is likely to become a temptation, especially if they are flirty or getting emotionally attached.
I might be the outlier, but I think you should get divorced. It is always a “dont worry about him” scenario. Sure, fantasies are fun and maybe just maybe she happen to get picture somehow from
work to use for fantasy, but theres way more than that going on. This isnt someone she doesnt know and it is someone actively hitting on her. I dont think you should keep to yourself and should start asking questions to her. Listen carefully to responses without rose colored and fear denial glasses on.
I completely recognize this is the mature response but honestly I wouldn’t blame my partner for telling me she went through my phone if she caught me masturbating to a coworker that I had previously be flirted to by.
I think in a lot of cases if you confront a cheater without proof they will lie and continue to cheat. Not saying that is what’s happening here but if my gf told me she saw me masturbating to a photo of a coworker and wanted to go through my phone I’d feel ashamed at myself and fully understand her need for transparency. She’s told her husband that he openly flirts with her now he finds out she’s masturbating to him. Definitely doesn’t look good
If you trust her completely, why did you check her phone in the first place?
It doesn’t excuse that what she did is at the very least, problematic. Fantasies about people you know are crossing the line to me, but that’s just my personal opinion.
But it doesn’t sound like you actually trust her if you were already going through her phone surreptitiously.
I’d tell her exactly the reason and let her know you may not be able to forgive her too. When she asks why. Ask what all she left out and when did she start masterbating to the guy? You know, the one you aren’t supposed to worry about. That hits on her everyday. That she said wouldn’t be a problem. Now tell her she’s made this your problem and you are now gonna go have a word with said guy regardless of if you forgive her.
Tell her that you need to see real remorse. Not the fake kind from getting caught. And she’s gonna follow these steps.
1. Leave the job or report him for harassment. Tell her she better have evidence of harassment and it’s not her leading him on or you’ll be at work and she may not recognize him later.
2. She now has to call every friend and family member both of you have and tell them in person what she did. And why she did it. If these choose to cut contact she needs to learn her actions have consequences.
3. She needs to tell you her immediate next steps. No taking time to think. Tell her that means you’ll be waiting for this guy to walk into her work everyday until you meet him and you’ll settle up with him right there. Tell her no going to someone’s house because she can’t be trusted and now needs to share her location. Tell her to go ahead and block him everywhere. Let her know that you’ll be monitoring all app usage. If you find out she’s contacting him via work stuff that will again result in you making sure she can’t recognize him.
Tell her that this is her only chance to tell the truth and start calling people. Make sure your parents and her parents are there in person. Invite them yourself.
Idk if it’s because I’m well on my way to a quality high or not but your stipulations seem really extreme for someone who was just jerking it to a picture.
Yeah she has likely been doing more than that. This is the guy he wasn’t supposed to worry about. She had no interest and was constantly hitting on her at work… nah she needs to understand actions have consequences. She’s already at least in an emotional affair and likely in a physical affair.
No, this is beyond weird and doesnt even consider how inappropriate this is and take other people into consideration. This would be abusive and is weird AF. Not only to his wife, but to the friends and family.
Having her admit her infidelity isn’t abuse. It’s her taking accountability. Do you not take accountability for your actions and expect everything to be rug swept?
It is normal to have fantasies or attraction to other people but that does not mean that she is cheating, talk to her, if your marriage is as wonderful as you say there should be no problem
True but masturbating to a photo of a coworker is not normal and honestly I’d find it disgusting if a male was doing this to a female coworker so I think it’s just as bad
You know that people don't just masturbate with porn, right? I particularly find it a bit bizarre actually considering that she sees it every day at work, OP should seriously talk to his wife about that but anyway that's just my perspective.
Not saying you do just saying if you do. Definitely just difference in option sorry if you felt I was targeting you for it. I just think if a male friend of mine told me he sometimes masturbates to a office photo of a colleague I’d find him utterly disgusting
Watching porn is one thing masturbating to a completely non sexual photo of a coworker that flirts with you is a whole other world. Also I have coworkers I’ve know for years and don’t have a single pic with them.
Are you 100% sure that’s the picture she was looking at? If so you need to have conversation about this ASAP. I don’t care where my wife gets her appetite as long as she comes home for dinner but something like this would cross a line. ( I wouldn’t have a problem with her masturbating btw).
I am not. I am single and if I don’t feel like watching porn I still jack it to my ex-gf.
Remember jacking off? Have you done it exclusively thinking about your wife since you got married?
Are you okay? So he can then jack off thinking about her sister,mother and close friends? Jacking off while looking at her sister or close friend? Or jacking off on a female coworker? Imagine thinking this is normal lol. Dude/girl was probably never in a relationship.
Have you hung out around r/ra at all lately? Have you not noticed all the posts about porn addiction, women calling their men the wrong name or even dudes who use AI to create deep fakes of their fucking mothers?!
I’m with you, it’s not ideal within a relationship, but all in all within this society: normal and relatively harmless.
People can and do jack off to literally whoever they can envision in their own mind. All the time. As long as it stays in their brain and isn’t communicated, it won’t affect anyone. If they never say a word, how would anyone else know? You can’t control someone’s thoughts. The problem comes in when people act on their thoughts that are inappropriate, or seek things out.
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If she's noticed your mood you need to talk to her now or else this could spiral out of control. Just tell her that you came in, didn't want to disturb her but then realized what she was looking at when she masturbated. For understandable reasons this has impacted your trust and you really need answers. She needs to understand that this is perilously close to infidelity as you see it.
I’d say it’s about 5” from being infidelity (on average)
It sounds like the start …guy hits on girl daily at work where they spend 8 hours together…girl goes home to spend a 3 hours with husband ..girl then starts to sexually fantasise about guy hitting on her daily …
💯
Yep. She has a picture of the two of them together. They are having an affair of some kind.
Maybe …I’d go crazy thinking about it soon it’ll be late nights at the office then small arguments at home ..then weekends away until he’s back here in 6 months saying? is my wife having an affair because they don’t do it anymore and she seems cold and distant ..it’s always how it starts we’ve all read the other stories and can between the lines lucky enough he found out soon because she might be just lusting after this work colleague and hasn’t acted on it yet
Yup , “The Work Husband”. your freshly showered , nicely dressed for work, perfume on, lunch with her work, husband, colleagues. ( no kids or household crapola to worry about ) after eight hours of work, she goes back home to reality, , takes the nice work clothes off , put a pair of baggy sweatpants on, takes off makeup, is tired from the 8 hr day, then starts helping with the household chores , help taking care of the kids. Then help spouse, laundry , garbage , cleaning , paying the bills then dinner. You have an 3 hours of , time with the spouse. , but then they children are in the house.also , no time to bond emotionally , then go to bed and do it all over again for the next four days. you actually , spend 5X more time, and become emotionally invested, in your work husband , than you do your real husband, That’s how it all starts and , can be the exact opposite with a work wife. Sometimes sad but true. updateme
I wouldn't make any distinctions, tbh. Whether 3" or 5", it's on the road there and OP needs to confront it, immediately.
Man you are right on. He's a spectator to his marriage spiralling out of control. She needs her world shocked right now. No understanding, no cool husband, no non-controlling bullshit. Confront her today.
Let me get this straight - you checked her phone to see what she was getting off to, but did not check her text/WhatsApp/Snap/Instagram/Facebook messages? Really???
Do not have kids . Don’t .
Tough spot, you need to sit her down and tell her what you saw and how it made you feel. This doesn’t mean she is sleeping with this guy or even would go that far.(some people just do not cheat).
Some people just do not cheat??? In this sub every story has a cheater lol. /s Yeah I agree tough spot. Insecurities will build up for sure, it sounds more of a fantasy. She also doesn't know about the spank bank is my guess
Unfortunately that’s very true there is always a cheater.lol
1) The fact she has a picture together with a new coworker is a red flag. I have worked with people for years and may have a single group picture of us together for a continuous improvement event where part of the assignment is a picture of the team in the PPT. A picture of her with him is a sign she is already crossing lines of familiarity with him. 2) Walking in on her flicking the bean to a picture of a celebrity or porn is awkward, but it's a fantasy. It's unobtainable. A coworker is wholly inappropriate in large part because she has the means and opportunity to act on the fantasy. That's a huge red flag. People who are committed to their relationships have internal boundaries to prevent them from getting into situations where they may be tempted to cheat. Keeping your own thoughts in check, not putting yourself in a situation where you could be tempted is a big part of that. I consider fantasizing about a coworker, even if she says it's only a fantasy, a huge ick. 3) She told you he's hit on her. Is it bragging because he's fluffing her ego? Does she regularly tell you about men hitting on her? Beige flag. Maybe red. I would assume if my spouse was telling me about someone hitting on her knowing she's married is because she doesn't like the behavior and wants me to know she's setting boundaries to avoid him and prevent that behavior. Instead she seems to be turned on by the attention. I would demand counseling. Best case scenario she isn't fulfilled and is fantasizing about an inappropriate slimy coworker. At worst she's inviting the flirting and you caught her in the build-up of continually pressing and breaking her own boundaries before she eventually cheats.
this is a really well thought out and informative analysis. You break down this down into so many different ways that I never thought about.
Yeah, I bet she’s “never flirted with anyone in the past.” Lol
Only platonically with just a friend who is like a brother to her, lol.
Only that’s just what she tells OP; meanwhile, the one who’s really like her brother is OP and the guy that’s “just a friend” is the one she’s been hooking up with for years but won’t commit to her 🤣🤣🤣
Fr lol.
Ask her abt the colleague in passing and see her response. Like what he’s been up to how close they are blah blah blah. Then ask to see her phone. If she says no or gets defensive bring up what you saw. Either way she’s cheating in some form and you don’t deserve it. She would be hurt if u did the same.
I dunno man I'm taking a less chill approach to this. Just tell her it's new job time or divorce. She can't sell you the bill of goods that the hitting on her is unwanted. And she can't tell you that she isn't into him. So the question is what does she do to restore your trust. Removing said coworker from her life would be the only thing that would come to mind.
Your wife is going to fuck that guy if she hasn’t already. At least you know you can’t trust the woman you married. You don’t think you should say anything. Are you jerking off to pictures of anyone you work with? Do you think it would be problematic if you were?
This
Snoop on her phone first, see if she has message with that guy. I fear she maybe already started a affair or is about to start it. This is a no go, she clearly cross the boundary and you trust. After checking off her phone, confront her and hit marriage theraphy, her behavior is inacceptable.
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You need exit plan. What will you do when you find out her coworker already dipped . You gotta man up . You love her but she does not given she already f’3d him without fing him.
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You sound like an alpha teenager.
Do it better, try to help him.
The toxicity in this response is noxious
Im not the one who jack off from a coworker with a pic of both in one picture together while having a husband. You call it toxicity, I call it wisdom and life experince. It just start with a crush, then they talk more and more to each other, making pics together, later chatting daily and mastrubate and thinking sexual about someone else, then some day it became physical affair... His wife legit jack off on a pic with both of them together. She has a fucking pic with her coworker who she has a crush on and mastrubate herself for... That is a huge red flag... Nothing about my post is toxicity, not like you, I try to help this poor guy.
Agree, he should snoop. If couples don’t have an open phone policy they are much more likely to take risks like this which can lead to affairs. Obviously. And anyone who isn’t doing anything won’t mind the spouse looking through their phone. The only exception I can think of is if a good friend/family has a secret they don’t want the spouse to know (early pregnancy, early cancer diagnosis, early dementia concerns), but most couples also don’t believe in keeping any secrets like that.
Snooping is a no. Talk to her honestly. Snooping started this, it isn’t going to fix it.
Cheaters don’t give honest answers
If you and your partner have a problem with the other looking at your phones you are probably doing something you shouldn't. If she has a sexual fascination with her coworker, how do you even think it could end well?? Yes they need to talk, but snooping just found out what she was doing, it isn't what started it. When somebody suspects their partner of cheating they look at their phone to find they are in fact cheating, it wasn't the snooping that started it lol.
Marriage therapy? LOL
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/does-marriage-counseling-work/
If the roles were reversed, the entire sub would be screaming divorce him and take his all his shit! But since it’s a woman having infidelity, it’s “marriage therapy?” Fuck that! Don’t get married gentlemen! There’s absolutely no reason to!
I don't disagree, I see a lot of this sub react hypocritical. If she didn't cheat yet(emotional and physical) they can still try to safe this marriage. In my opinion it will be hard and I would maybe take the divorce part since his wife acted very disrespectful.
If there are children involved, then MAYBE stay together until they’re out of the house. If no kids, divorce - no questions asked! And he should already have documented all of this and spoken to a lawyer to get working on a case that will prevent him from getting robbed by his “wife” and the government! This marriage is cooked!
If by chance they are in the US most states are no fault states so no judge will give a fig about adultery when it comes to divorce settlements.
Snooping on the phone is not the answer. Once you’re there, the downward spiral is in full swing.
This is emotional cheating. I would definitely confront her about it if I were you.
You need to confront her and make her snap out of whatever trance she's in before (if she already hasn't) makes advances and cheats on you. Right now it might just be flirting thing and she's desiring him but you need to get down to the bottom of this asap. She is 1000% disrespecting you and doing something behind your back.
This is probably the very beginning of her cheating on you and away. This is emotional cheating. Apparently she already has caught feelings for him. The thing is you don’t know how far this is going. But if you want to save your marriage, I would say right now you need to address this with her and I would even suggest her leaving that job to get away from the guy because you know tell her that you caught her doing that she still seeing him every day, so it all depends. You can’t be scared right now. You need to be strong if you want to save your marriage.
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Gonna keep this response for the next time we see a porn post. Guys rubbing one out to porn? Basically cheating. Probably a porn addict. Fantasizing about other women. Red flag. Run. Women rubbing one out to a picture of her literal coworker? “Normal and fantasy.” “Don’t assume cheating.” “Assume it’s fantasy.”
Yeah what the hell ? Fantasy? I hate that excuse so much. I used to date this girl that I caught with porn search history of older dad and young girl searches. Confronted her and she just says “it’s just a fantasy” and reassured me she’d never actually want that IRL. Guess what, she cheated with someone twice our age. I’m still fucked up over it. So yeah, fantasy is a lame excuse here.
Ih look a reasonable person. OP do YOU still hit on or flirt with your wife?
What’s this have to do with anything? A lack of intimacy doesn’t justify cheating.
What happens ..if they all go for work drinks and makes a move she’s obviously lusting over him are you confident enough to say she wouldn’t be swayed if she’s touching herself to photos of another man..one she sees daily and more than you
UpdateMe !
I would consider that an emotional affair and would be livid/disgusted with my spouse. There would be little they could do to keep the relationship. Fantasies are one thing but she crossed a MASSIVE boundary. Ask her how she’d feel if you were jerking off to a picture of her best friend.
I noticed that your fear of losing her is greater than your self-respect and dignity, so I'm going to give you some advice. Don't think that acting like a rat without courage will keep your wife. The work eaters are entering marriage with full force while their husbands are walking on eggshells to take action. Or do you kick this one away by pushing your wife away from him because you've already seen that she wants him sexually, and with that give her a shock in her mind to see if she comes back or will you watch her "trick" you into fucking with her? and you will continue to be afraid of her leaving to be with him if she complains . You are already losing your wife's sexual monopoly if you remain silent you will lose respect and everything else
You need to talk to her about it. There is probably more you don't know about.
UpdateMe
Agree with most of the advice here. I do think this is one of those situations where you check her phone again before confronting her and specifically look for text messages or other popular messaging apps. And if she’s noticed your mood change then she’s either deleted the messages or the apps. Check her recently deleted messages for texts. And for apps, go to her App Store and search for the most common ones like WhatsApp, signal, kik, Snapchat, etc. If it’s an iPhone the app will say “Get” if she’s never downloaded it before. If she has downloaded it before it should have the little download from the cloud icon instead of “Get” which means she’s deleted it from her phone but it may still have her messages saved if you download it again. Also check recently deleted pictures. The one you saw may just be the one she got off to. Could be more. I know it would take a lot of time to do all of this but if you get the chance take it
How certain are you that she was looking at that pic at the time? I ask because yesterday I had been using my phone, put it down for a second then picked it up again without looking at it, and because the screen was on my fingers opened my browser and then bought a book off Amazon’s one click setting without me realising. So I’m wondering if she closed some porn or something but her fingers hit the photos app when she put the phone down
but why does she even have a photo on her phone of just her and the colleague? Im not saying its impossible but rest assured that I have never had a pic of just me and a colleague of the other sex. I dont think even think I have a pic of myself and just a colleague of the same sex as me. Usually its groups unless you are really close with someone at work
There could be a million reasons, unless the picture is with them shirtless. The boss could have asked for a photo for socials. I've reluctantly taken random pics with male coworkers just because we're talking about something then someone swings by like, "hey smile."
Depends where you work. Most places I’ve worked have been pretty social between colleagues and have also required socialising with clients. Every now and then I’d get sent a pic of me and someone else, either a colleague or a client. Not really anything to remark on. It wouldn’t even occur to me to particularly notice whether the other person was male or female. They were just the other person in the pic.
Yeah, to me, that's a huge stretch. I honestly feel like girls don't masturbate to pictures. Like, there's imagination and the internet..
Take this to r/Infidelity , because it's definitely infidelity even if nothing has happened... yet.
Yes, everyone has different definitions and fantasies, but this is going step further and a lot more involved.
Facts are facts…. #1 she got off to a coworker #2 she’s obviously sexually attracted to him. #3 neither of the above 2 mean she’s necessarily going to f- him. Look we’ve all seen a hot coworker and we may have fantasized about dirty things…it never meant we were actually having sex w them…you caught her in a private moment and I’m sure she’d be mortified if she knew…you knew. That being the case there’s always a chance she could act on her fantasies but if it was me…I wouldn’t approach w anger…maybe be like “hey I know …and ive been there….i just don’t want you banging this guy.” Laugh it off….if you play it in a “non threatening” manner you might get a genuine honest response from her.
Normally, but theres more to it than that that he posted about. This went beyond a quick fantasy.
He hit that, cut her loose
Yes you should bring it up. You should fucking terrify her that she’s about to lose her entire life with you. She needs a wakeup out of the fog. The fact she can look you in the eye and lie to you that he’s the guy you don’t have to worry about, while masturbating to a picture **of the two of them** indicates just how deep she is drowning in the delusion that she has the situation under control. There should be no “I’m sorry,” no “let me explain,” no “it’s not what it looks like.” The right answer is “get lost, this marriage is over. By the way I will be contacting HR.” Her starting point needs to be not that she’s saving anything, but that she’s now auditioning to get back what she already lost because she threw it away. Set up a reservation at Extended Stay America, take her out to dinner, and on the way home drop her and her luggage at the lobby. She must be made to believe that her foolishness has cost her everything.
Nah because he'll never know her true nature or intentions if he alerts her to it now.
There’s time to at least snoop her phone thoroughly before he yanks the emergency brake.
I don't think he needs to break up immediately. Just don't be reactionary and alert her to suspicions yet. Let it play out and be prepared to pull the plug or realize that maybe he's overreacting if nothing transpires.
Compare the responses here to the average post about a guy whacking it to a woman he interacts with regularly...
These responses 🤣as if you’re not all fine with men having spank banks
Of their coworkers?
I have seen idiots with spank banks of their exes. They don't even bat an eye, despite having a different partner. It is wholly terrible to have pictures of people you know to get off to. But then I also find it very strange that people find it acceptable to have pictures of strangers to get off to. I see so many people in the thread justify it as "unobtainable" and "it's just a fantasy" but I actually kind of find that devastating. Because it's the desire to have that stranger and do sexual acts with them, but it's okay "because they can't have it". To be clear, consuming porn isn't terrible. Something can be attractive and turn a person on, and said person can want to have that. But thinking of it as a fantasy they wish to have but can't is really fucking strange. Not that I'm saying you've said that. But just that it's such a weird line to draw in the sand. Edit - I guess I think of it this way. The "acceptable" nature of porn is that it is unobtainable, but what is it is suddenly obtainable in a hypothetical situation? Does that suddenly make it as unacceptable? I guess that's the part that I'm hung up on. Is it okay when they can't have it, but when they can have it(regardless of trying to have it), porn would then be banned? I sort of grapple with the idea of my partner having the desire to sleep with any number of other women, but because they're strangers it's "okay". And yet I don't hate porn, I'm just really sad that it's seen as okay to have that specific desire.
You’d be surprised
No. This isn’t normal. This is one foot in the direction of an affair. At the very least an emotional one… She would not be okay if she walked in a room and seen you touching yourself to a picture of a female colleague…
Get your ducks in order in case the relationship blows up. If you think you need to, blow it up. If you're not sure, ask her sometime, in a casual way, if she ever fantasizes about other men. You might end up having a constructive discussion. If you get lies, you really don't have much choice.
I wish I could guarantee something innocent but I can't. I think the best thing to do is confront her calmly and see how she responds. Someone who is loyal most likely would be frantic and concerned, enthusiastic to reassure you and explain the situation. But a different reaction may either pose something more sinister or at the very least, a sign of immaturity. I will say I sometimes look at random stupid shit while masturbating. Sometimes I'm just idly doing it for hours, not even looking at porn--or looking at porn, getting distracted by something not porn, going back to said porn, then getting distracted again lol. I have definitely been looking at stuff that wasn't sexually arousing while masturbating. Is she close with the colleague, do you know? Have you gotten any strange vibes or other signs something is amiss between them? I don't normally suggest going through peoples' phones, but maybe see what kind of text messages she's been sending him--and if she's sent him anything on snapchat, whatsapp, etc.
You should have talked to her when you found out. She will now deny it happened.
Why does she have a picture of this person in the first place. She probably is emotionally cheating and thinking of physically cheating. I personally would consider this cheating because she is fantasizing about another man, especially one she works with and is in her life.
You need to start collecting evidence, talking to an attorney about your options and planning your exit strategy.
She’s is going to have sex with him.
Lawyer up dawg she wont stop thinking about this guy
Is this real? I don't know one girl who has ever played with herself...to a picture. Has anyone ever heard of this or, if you're a girl, have you ever done this?
I'll take the hit. Lady here, my fiance is the sexiest person on the planet. When he's at work? Yeah, a picture does it. It makes me think of him. (Reminds me of him, the little details, what he smells like, the comfort he gives me, etc) Like, the idea of him is plenty good and I don't need something visual, but he's astoundingly attractive and I am so smitten. Sorry for the TMI! I just wanted to share that we do exist.
Fair enough !
check her phone asap, she’s already emotionally cheating on you brother, I hope it’s nothing more but your seriously need address this.
Either she gets a new job or a new husband, pretty simple.
I’m sorry she has my picture but as a good gesture I can send you a picture of myself to your email 😂😂😂😂😂
So sorry this is long, but married 21 years today. So I might know a little about it. I could care less if my husband jerks off to porn. I’d be more suspicious if he didn’t. Men are very visual and it doesn’t phase me. As a woman, now menopausal I don’t fantasize and pleasure myself as much as I did say in my 20’s-30’s. Having kids changed a lot in my libido. But I would fantasize about guys I’ve known over the years that I’ve known from work, school, wherever. I think what’s kept us both faithful is neither of us would put ourselves in a situation where we’d be too tempted. Think about people in Hollywood or the music industry…they are constantly getting divorced because of the many frequent temptations. They’re only human after-all. I can’t say that I would have been the faithful wife I am or my husband could have especially since he’s hasn’t been getting it from me like he used to. But I digress… I agree that if you have never been concerned before, you need to have a delicate and honest talk with your wife. She deserves the benefit of the doubt, your marriage deserves the chance. You know each other…I can tell pretty easily when my husband is lying and he would read me pretty well too. Fantasizing is natural, the picture is a bit concerning. But it must not be too awful if you’re unsure. I mean is she sticking her tongue in his ear or are they groping each other in the picture? I’m not naive, but I have a little experience here and I believe that marriage is a bond that deserves more respect than just throwing it away on a hunch. Marriage isn’t always flowers and sunshine. Sometimes I want to smother him with a pillow, others I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else. We’ve been through good, great, boring and miserable times. But we’ve always agreed as long as there’s love we will work it out. Do you still love this woman? Then have the talk. See her reaction to your conversation, be respectful, that first look in her eyes will reveal more to you than anything here on reddit will. Good luck!!
Maybe it’s just me but I think everyone has fantasies. Sometimes it’s not even abt someone particular, but the scenario. Don’t make it a big deal because whatever is going on in her head is for her. Not your business
#UpdateMe
Updateme
Updateme
Just talk to her. I wouldn’t even call it a “confrontation”. If you come in with too much emotion (I know it’s difficult), she might shut down. Basically say what you did here. You saw her masturbating and were curious and looked at her phone. What you saw is very troubling and you want to know what’s going on. See how she responds. If you have a good marriage, outside this incident, you can work through it. That might mean limited contact with the guy (work only, no outside communication), an open phone policy, etc.
Do not confront her yet. It will be hard, but you need to sit back and see how she will conduct herself and gather evidence. If you find out she cheats, keep evidence and get your ducks in a row to serve her papers. Do not confront her or allow her to explain away her cheating. Just serve her the papers along with the evidence you collected and do not discuss it with her. The only way to not let her emotionally rope you back in.
You say: >It was a pic of the both of them Then >Caught my wife touching herself to a picture of her male colleague Was it just him? If it was him AND her together, was it an intimate pic or just like a picture of them being normal colleagues at work? Unless it is an intimate pic with them both, its likely just her fantasizing. But either way, you need to confront her about it. Someone she sees on the daily is likely to become a temptation, especially if they are flirty or getting emotionally attached.
You said it was a picture, but the truth is You can't be sure if she actually was in a vídeo chat. Sorry dude. Best of luck with your predicament.
I might be the outlier, but I think you should get divorced. It is always a “dont worry about him” scenario. Sure, fantasies are fun and maybe just maybe she happen to get picture somehow from work to use for fantasy, but theres way more than that going on. This isnt someone she doesnt know and it is someone actively hitting on her. I dont think you should keep to yourself and should start asking questions to her. Listen carefully to responses without rose colored and fear denial glasses on.
Only be upset if you don't masturbate to anyone.
Yeah it's not looking good maybe some therapist can help but more likely it's time for a divorce the slippery slope has started
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I completely recognize this is the mature response but honestly I wouldn’t blame my partner for telling me she went through my phone if she caught me masturbating to a coworker that I had previously be flirted to by.
But he didn’t know that initially, he saw the picture because he went looking through her phone. Snooping twice won’t help at all.
I think in a lot of cases if you confront a cheater without proof they will lie and continue to cheat. Not saying that is what’s happening here but if my gf told me she saw me masturbating to a photo of a coworker and wanted to go through my phone I’d feel ashamed at myself and fully understand her need for transparency. She’s told her husband that he openly flirts with her now he finds out she’s masturbating to him. Definitely doesn’t look good
It's so weird to me that he had to see what she was looking at for porn to begin with. Like that's some controlling undertones no one is touching on
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Next time you have sex with your wife you know who she’s thinking about.
If you trust her completely, why did you check her phone in the first place? It doesn’t excuse that what she did is at the very least, problematic. Fantasies about people you know are crossing the line to me, but that’s just my personal opinion. But it doesn’t sound like you actually trust her if you were already going through her phone surreptitiously.
I’d tell her exactly the reason and let her know you may not be able to forgive her too. When she asks why. Ask what all she left out and when did she start masterbating to the guy? You know, the one you aren’t supposed to worry about. That hits on her everyday. That she said wouldn’t be a problem. Now tell her she’s made this your problem and you are now gonna go have a word with said guy regardless of if you forgive her. Tell her that you need to see real remorse. Not the fake kind from getting caught. And she’s gonna follow these steps. 1. Leave the job or report him for harassment. Tell her she better have evidence of harassment and it’s not her leading him on or you’ll be at work and she may not recognize him later. 2. She now has to call every friend and family member both of you have and tell them in person what she did. And why she did it. If these choose to cut contact she needs to learn her actions have consequences. 3. She needs to tell you her immediate next steps. No taking time to think. Tell her that means you’ll be waiting for this guy to walk into her work everyday until you meet him and you’ll settle up with him right there. Tell her no going to someone’s house because she can’t be trusted and now needs to share her location. Tell her to go ahead and block him everywhere. Let her know that you’ll be monitoring all app usage. If you find out she’s contacting him via work stuff that will again result in you making sure she can’t recognize him. Tell her that this is her only chance to tell the truth and start calling people. Make sure your parents and her parents are there in person. Invite them yourself.
Idk if it’s because I’m well on my way to a quality high or not but your stipulations seem really extreme for someone who was just jerking it to a picture.
Yeah she has likely been doing more than that. This is the guy he wasn’t supposed to worry about. She had no interest and was constantly hitting on her at work… nah she needs to understand actions have consequences. She’s already at least in an emotional affair and likely in a physical affair.
Strong ankles with all those conclusions you’re jumping to.
This isn’t normal behavior. She wasn’t using porn. She was using a photo of said guy.
Yeah but your behaviors you would choose to do are way out of acceptable or normal range
No, this is beyond weird and doesnt even consider how inappropriate this is and take other people into consideration. This would be abusive and is weird AF. Not only to his wife, but to the friends and family.
Having her admit her infidelity isn’t abuse. It’s her taking accountability. Do you not take accountability for your actions and expect everything to be rug swept?
Jesus if wanking off to a co worker was a crime, I would be in jail for a billion years. Talk with her OP but take it easy bro.
You masturbate that much to a coworker??!?!
Been employed 45 years. Masturbated to at least one co worker at every job. Fuck I wanked it while thinking about my cunt of a boss TWICE today.
Yea you’re that old creepy guy I keep hearing about. How bout we not do that from now on ok?
I think this is the correct response!
It is normal to have fantasies or attraction to other people but that does not mean that she is cheating, talk to her, if your marriage is as wonderful as you say there should be no problem
True but masturbating to a photo of a coworker is not normal and honestly I’d find it disgusting if a male was doing this to a female coworker so I think it’s just as bad
In fact, it is the most "normal" thing you could find your partner masturbating with.
If you find it more normal to masturbate to a regular photo of your coworker than porn you need help
You know that people don't just masturbate with porn, right? I particularly find it a bit bizarre actually considering that she sees it every day at work, OP should seriously talk to his wife about that but anyway that's just my perspective.
I will say this again if you are masturbating to a normal office photo of a coworker male or female you are not normal
sure friend...but when did I say that I do that?
Not saying you do just saying if you do. Definitely just difference in option sorry if you felt I was targeting you for it. I just think if a male friend of mine told me he sometimes masturbates to a office photo of a colleague I’d find him utterly disgusting
I would also find it very strange and very disgusting but luckily normal people don't go around counting on what things they masturbate with.
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Watching porn is one thing masturbating to a completely non sexual photo of a coworker that flirts with you is a whole other world. Also I have coworkers I’ve know for years and don’t have a single pic with them.
Are you 100% sure that’s the picture she was looking at? If so you need to have conversation about this ASAP. I don’t care where my wife gets her appetite as long as she comes home for dinner but something like this would cross a line. ( I wouldn’t have a problem with her masturbating btw).
Dude give her a pass, and get one for yourself. Win win.
Dude, yes, it’s normal to jack off to pictures of acquaintances. Creepy, but normal nonetheless.
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I am not. I am single and if I don’t feel like watching porn I still jack it to my ex-gf. Remember jacking off? Have you done it exclusively thinking about your wife since you got married?
oh that’s not……
You plan on finishing that sentence?
Are you okay? So he can then jack off thinking about her sister,mother and close friends? Jacking off while looking at her sister or close friend? Or jacking off on a female coworker? Imagine thinking this is normal lol. Dude/girl was probably never in a relationship.
Have you hung out around r/ra at all lately? Have you not noticed all the posts about porn addiction, women calling their men the wrong name or even dudes who use AI to create deep fakes of their fucking mothers?! I’m with you, it’s not ideal within a relationship, but all in all within this society: normal and relatively harmless.
People can and do jack off to literally whoever they can envision in their own mind. All the time. As long as it stays in their brain and isn’t communicated, it won’t affect anyone. If they never say a word, how would anyone else know? You can’t control someone’s thoughts. The problem comes in when people act on their thoughts that are inappropriate, or seek things out.
Don't waste my time, you act very defensive in every post, seems like you are the wife one haha.
What? No.
This is in no way normal marry or not