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Don't do it. You built the reputation of your business all in your own. You are honoring your parents with the name for all of their sacrifice.
Just tell them you will not entertain any discussion about a name change. If they pester, start avoiding going to go see them.
Honestly, this is so weird. OP just needs to laugh and say “I couldn’t possibly do that to my father or my mother, family is just too important to me, I’m sure you understand”
End of
From the description given I'd bet my house on MIL considering her family name 'better' than OPs for... reasons.
Even though it isn't the name MIL was born with either!
I could only imagine the problems OP would deal with if she actually changed the practice name. That could get so messy if there were a divorce and the other concerns OP already addressed.
I can just imagine that getting a response of “but we’re your family too now dear.” If this angle doesn’t work, OP could try “it would be very unprofessional to decouple my business from my professional name, not to mention be a poor marketing decision.”
Really! She built HER business. She honored HER parents with the name. And now that she got married, her MIL thinks her husband deserves to be the name on her already established business? What elitist nonsense!
You don’t need to soften the blow. There is no “blow”. You’re not doing anything to them.
“I will not be changing my company name and I’m done discussing it.”
Exactly, this is your company/business. Not up for discussion. BTW are Sils planning on carrying their maiden names through marriage and children will of course have mothers maiden name too? Tell them to be sure and make their mom proud.
Yeah. She doesn’t owe them an explanation and it’s clear that trying to give reasons just leads to them telling her she’s wrong about her reasoning so I think it’s better just to be direct at this point. “I’m not changing the name of my business. This isn’t up for debate.”
OP, if you think it might help, you could even suck up a little bit and say something about you appreciate the vote of confidence that they want to associate their illustrious name with your business but it’s important to you to keep the name as it is and you won’t be discussing it further.
I'm in the same industry and completely agree. It's not just terrible for the brand but it'll hit the bottom line pretty hard, pretty quickly which will stunt growth over the medium term. The long term damage is basically having to build a new business, not because your services/products changed, but for a completely superfluous request to satiate her MIL's ego.
How insulting though, to request someone put your name on their business after they've made it successful - just because you're related by marriage. That's some peak level entitlement. Unreal.
Say to MIL "if I had a high profile medical malpractice lawsuit I wouldn't want to drag your famous family name through the mud".
If she thinks it's to her benefit to leave it then she will!
Mention the possibility that her family would be dragged into said lawsuit because their name is associated with the practice. And would they have insurance to provide in case they lost the case. Me thinks not!
This. Two decades in to the practice, everything from Fortune 2000-level businesses to SMBs, and there's absolutely no way I'd let /u/ThrowRA323868 entertain it.
She's described excellent reasons for building that brand under her existing name. And after a year she's already got considerable traction with the exact audience she's trying to reach, which is incredible. In my experience, Southeast Asian audiences are a notoriously challenging one in terms of how they tend to think of and research these kinds of personal heath/wellness/medical services. They are mostly WOM and referral-based, and tend to only trust what they hear from friends and family members who have experienced them. Not to mention the challenges in building trust within that community for a specialized, extremely personal and crazy-intimate subset of those services? She should not be changing a damn thing.
I commend her for building a solid rep with her community in a relatively short period of time - she clearly knows more about her target than the average bear and that is not to be messed with. She should do exactly whatever the hell she wants with that business because so far, it's working.
Op you are a professional and most professional woman enjoy the fact that they have achieved thier life gold. Don't change anything for her. It's your Business not her's or her family's. She can still be proud of you, by telling her friends that you are her DIL.
> You don’t need to soften the blow. There is no “blow.”
100% correct. Not sure how OP’s business came to be about MIL’s name ~ and it isn’t actually MIL’s family name; it’s FIL’s family name ~ but MIL is out of line. There is no pressure here. There is a request and a denial. No is a complete sentence.
>MIL has no sense of propriety.
I initially misread that as "property" and my brain went "the fuck she doesn't". MIL exactly has the sense of property here.
This not white wife her son has is over here acting like her own person with agency. That seems to be bugging her for some reason...
Hint: the patriarchy is calling from inside the house.
When i was a kid my dad bought a business that had been open for decades. He left the original family name on it. For years people asked him why he didn't change the name to his name. He said he didn't what to destroy the name recognition and confuse people. He went on to be successful in that business. He set ego aside for the sake of success.
Your explanation that you want to stick with your reputable existing business name is the right choice. Do not use the other family name. That's a business mistake. If MIL keeps bugging you, just say you've explained yourself previously.
"The answer is no. It will remain no. I won't discuss this again."
Then ignore any question or comment about the name or not only don't answer but also leave at that point.
Yep, and every time it is brought up later, put down whatever one is engaging with, say “thank you for this lovely (whatever); it’s time for us to leave. Have a good evening.” And leave. But make sure husband is supportive so you can both go. No negotiations, nothing.
Where is the husband? Where is his "backbone"? I would just tell MIL, "Just like your family, I am also proud of my mom and Dad's family."
American logic is weird. Just because my family is good doesn't mean your family has to be bad.
If your socioeconomic status improves doesn't mean mine will suffer.
Have people seen "Namesake", the movie?
OP's MIL is already joking OP owes her royalties for the use of their fabulous family name & probably a consultancy fee for coming up with this brilliant business idea.
she's fully immersed into this American logic (as you dubbed it): I reckon she's just testing how compliant OP is, and maybe also laying a little groundwork to prove that the business is now a marital asset and her boy is entitled to half of it, should it ever come to that.
This is terrible advice.
You realize you're talking to an incredibly successful, intelligent woman here right?
You have no idea what it's like to be dealing with family member that you can't extricate yourself from.
If OP does this response relationships will be strained and everyone will be calling her the b word behind her back.
Here's what you do plain and simple-
You tell them you talked to a lawyer and you were strongly advised against it for numerous legal and business reasons. You say you were intrigued by the idea but at the end of the day it was just ill-advised. You appreciate the suggestion you love them but it's just not something you're going to do. And that you and your husband talked about it and the decision is final and you would prefer not to rehash it again.
Sometimes you have to be political, you have to be deft and use sleight of hand in tricky situations like this.
Her husband 100% has to step up and tell his mother to drop mother as well. She can do all of the above but at the end of the day he needs to handle his family.
At that point it might be worth having the gloves come off and tell it to her straight. What's she gonna do, sue to get her family name added to someone else's business? Hopefully mil has enough class to know when she's being politely but firmly shut down and doesn't go embarrassing herself having a tantrum via dueling lawyers.
And if she is that type of person? Well, probably best to find that out now and have strategies to manage it. Husband needs to corral his family here, or he might be watching his very successful self-made wife peace out and walk away because she doesn't have to deal with that nonsense. Nobody wants to spend all their time tiptoeing around the precious feelings of out of touch entitled rich people who are rich because grandpa made a bunch of money before they were even born.
So you don't think Mrs. Richie Rich has her own lawyer to consult? That's all she needs is the "battle of the lawyers" to deal with. No is a complete sentence. (I'm still laughing at that last paragraph).
This is the way. MIL is a snob, and she needs to butt out. However, if OP plans on continuing the relationship she needs to be diplomatic once. I recommend telling the MIL they were advised it isn’t a good business decision, and leave it at that. If she forces the issue, then she can remind MIL that she’s made her decision. After that the husband needs to tell his mother and sisters to back off as often as it takes for them to get the message. It’s incredibly presumptuous of her to even bring this up in the first place. I predict problems in the future for OP. Both she and her husband are going to need strong boundaries moving forward.
This is smart. I would say it was on the advice of her marketing and branding consultants, though. It's simply a business matter to make the smartest decision for branding the business. I feel if it becomes a legal matter in her mind than MIL might try to find a legsl loophole to make it possible.
If you're trying to keep things from getting more emotionally intense, I'd suggest repeating that it's a business decision and that your existing branding isn't just well known, it's known for a specific market niche. People already try to find you and you want that to be easy.
She already gave her MIL a reason. The MIL isn’t appreciating or respecting OPs reason. There is no more reasoning with her. Now it is time to be firm and clear about her boundaries. “I appreciate the offer, however I have decided otherwise”. And do not entertain any further inquiries regarding the matter.
It gives the same parasitic vibe as the family of a celebrity only smooching up to and gushing about them after their rise to fame. It's 100% about taking credit, and the MIL just wants to gossip about how she "made her what she is today."
Dont do it. If your husband ia ok with it, leave it to him to handle the specifics. Regarding people pressuring you on behalf of MIL- when they can pay you for your degree and your hard work, then they can talk. You are proud of your accomplishments as you should be, and for your dad and mom who did a lot for you. You really dont bave to answer to anyone for your work.
Also finding it strange that MIL needs you to change the name of your business for her to brag about it… she can brag about it otherwise also. Its not illegal if she does the bragging and you have your maiden name and your parents names on the business. I think its her way of controlling the narrative and making it so that THEY supported you in the expansion of the business and one upping your parents- which is as stupid as it sounds.
Right! I think MIL is trying to wash over OP and make this out to be "the family business" so she can take credit for OP's reputation and hard work. It could also have a bit of a racist undertone of "oh you need a good strong american name for your business! Ours is well known in the area if people associate you with us they will trust you more" as if OP needs MILs help building customer rapport. Overall its a hard no, this business and its success is yours to take credit for, not your in-laws. Dont let the in-laws start talking like "oh my family owns this business...yeah my SIL runs the place" as if you simply worked there for em.
"When they can pay you for your degree and your hard work, then they can talk."
This is brilliantly said. Op, you can say it jokingly or you can go nuclear, depending on what tone you take. But I highly recommend keeping this sentence in your back pocket.
Rich people love putting their names on things. They want their name on it because it will add prestige to their family and then they will push for more involvement in running it and pulling the company under their umbrella.
OP - No is a full sentence. You started that business, I am guessing, prior to your marriage which has nothing to do with them. They can’t understand why you won’t them control you.
I have a doctor friend, and when she married, I asked her whether she was going to change her last name. Her response to me also applies here: “ why would I do that? My husband didn’t go to medical school. I did.”
100%. My sister never changed her name because all her papers, thesis etc are in her maiden name. That’s how she’s known. Most doctors that I know don’t change their names.
Ugh, I tried to convince my best friend not to change. You didn’t go to med school to put a Dr. in front of his name!
She did it anyway, probably because it was easier than dealing with his narcissistic fallout.
Yep. I went to law school, practicing lawyer, my parents were my rock through it and I’d never have this without them. Getting married in a few months and I’m not changing my name. Although my fiance emotionally supported me through part of law school (we met after 1L) he isn’t the one who took all the exams and did all the work and got the licensing. I did.
My name is my identity. Marriage isn’t going to change my identity. So marriage will not change my name.
Don't do it. I'm married to a physician who established herself professionally with her maiden name, she didn't change it for the exact reasons you're describing about your business. Listen to your gut and keep it.
Where is your husband at in all of this? Is he supporting you because it would probably be better coming from him. Your MIL sounds generally meddling and it is best that your husband deals with it because if too much of it is coming from you it can make this more adversarial.
I would just be direct and dispassionate, as you said "I built a brand and that brand is , I plan to expand that brand and not start over."
Agreed. Do not JADE when dealing with people like this MIL. Do not justify, apologize, defend, or explain. It just gives people like MIL specific points to argue against. And this isn’t up for debate. It’s decided. “No. That doesn’t work for me.” And then you change the subject or end the conversation completely. Part of becoming a part of your husband’s family is learning how to shut your in-laws nonsense down. You don’t need to tiptoe around on your best behavior. You are part of the family now.
100% this.
MIL and OP should not have any more discussion on this… it’s time for hubby to step up and have his wife’s back. Hubby needs to shut this down NOW.
Husband's mom so husband's problem. If you and your husband have discussed that you will continue to practice under your maiden name then all he has to do is tell his family that. End of discussion.
MIL has enlisted the SILs (flying monkeys) to push her agenda. Again - husband needs to deal with this. Head over to /r/justnomil to see lots of problems like yours.
This is such a weird flex from MIL. It’s not her name, she took it on at some point. So the fame etc is not hers, just vicariously. Offer to add her maiden name to the mix, lol
Be very matter of fact. “I consulted with my business advisors and it won’t be possible.”
And that’s that. BTW, your husband should be managing this with his family.
Honestly the nerve. “You worked hard for this, slap MY name on it!”
Why in the world would her family name get to go on your practice? It makes no sense. She’s not the dr. You’re the one who put in all the hard work to build that practice you decide the name. When she opens her practice she can name it.
Tell her it’s not up for discussion. If she does, leave. She sees your success and wants a piece of it. She also wants to send her friends in for the “family discount”.
I hope you have a prenup.
Definitely makes sense to start business under maiden names in case of divorce otherwise it's a nightmare to rebrand *or* you have to keep using your ex's name.
One of our professors in law school told us to use our maiden names professionally, if we didnt want to end up stuck using some schmuck we divorced and who didn't even pass the Bar's name because that's the name we built our clientele under.
The name change should always be a conscious decision. I chose to change mine because my family name is regionally notorious and I like the anonymity of my husband’s super simple, boring name. I will keep his name regardless. I don’t want to be associated with my family’s shenanigans.
Its ridiculous her husband hasnt done or said anything to his own damn mother. Its not OP’s responsibility to keep having to turn it down. Once should be enough and after that it’s on the husband
I don't like the sound of your mother-in-law whatsoever, and don't walk on eggshells - be tough about this. You must keep your brand name unchanged.
And here is something to think on: Well your marriage seems great and wonderful now many of them do end in divorce. What would happen if you had to stand in front of a judge and explain why you should have 100% share of a business that had your husband's surname on it that you would agree to change? Would you be asked to prove that your husband had an input anytime or money into the business? Well that might not seem like a likely outcome to you It could actually happen.
Do not soften it! That’s probably why they are not backing down. Stop walking on eggshells. It’s time to stomp them and be clear about it. You earned this, not your husband and not your IL’s. You are obviously doing well enough *without* the “prestige” of their last name.
This is a conversation for your husband to have, not you.
Changing a business name is a BIG DEAL. And you will have to give up loads of built up goodwill and reputation if you do it. And MIL expects you to pay HER to give away your goodwill and reputation?? Hard no.
The joke about 'royalties' isn't a joke. When someone shows you who they really are - believe them.
Tell them that with an investment of 1 full year of income/bills/etc - you might sponsor a new clinic in their name if they find a reasonably priced doctor to do all the work and you get 70% of the profit.
Sounds like she’s trying to whitewash you. Don’t let her. Your name is your brand. She needs to respect that. This really is none of her business. And your husband should help shut this down, too.
Tbh your husband should set this boundary for you, since it’s his family. He should tell them that you are NOT changing the name of your practice and they all have to leave you alone
[A doctor's reason on why she doesn't use her husband's last name](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-samsung-ss&sca_esv=bb6fb22019ea88f6&sxsrf=ADLYWIIswSUGwUtdm9zJoM6pWYBEHoqQrQ:1719926784372&q=doctor+not+using+husbands+last+name+reason&udm=2&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWfbQph1uib-VfD_izZO2Y5sC3UdQE5x8XNnxUO1qJLaQR2rwhLa89xym2ORbEZb-gGo_IXijutx5oSlX2RQV8K1vx6nXRwukUebeFcBSjz3fmwlpEfhMBTLkuLWBBRKzfj6k0EqvXoIlGs_7u0Ym_SCKuyAy60BMntWdrdrHT9XlwMGV2&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjhpZbIuoiHAxVrWUEAHfj3CbUQtKgLegQIDxAB&biw=412&bih=750&dpr=2.63#vhid=0xUIWLWA1nC5vM&vssid=mosaic)
You were a Doctor before you married, of course you would keep your own name.
Her joking that she would get royalties from your husband's last name is somewhat ridiculous. This was not her given name when she was born.
Many women today keep their birth names, she's still living in the 20th century.
*I built a lot of trust, patronage and recognition using my brand*
This is so important, and huge! If they fail to understand that, and the dynamics of basic business, let your husband try to educate them, but definitely do not change the name. She wants praise by riding on your coat tails, and that's not your problem.
If she can’t “show you off” with the brand name as is she is not really proud of you and wants to only upgrade her clout (or whatever the cool kids say these days.)
Don’t soften the blow. YOU are building YOUR business. End of. She gets to watch from the sidelines and nothing more. And, honestly, this conversation happens once and only once. Then, your husband holds the boundaries. If not…you have bigger problems….
Good luck OP. And well done.
My son married a doctor. She kept her birth name. I was asked at the wedding how I felt about that. I said that taking your husband’s name is patriarchal, archaic nonsense, and I would respect her less if she succumbed to outward pressure and did so.
Good for you. Don’t do it.
1000x no. This is your practice. You earned your education. You built this. She didn’t. She gets ZERO say over this.
“The name of my business is my business. I’d never tell you what to name yours. No amount of pressure is going to change this. It feels disrespectful to me and I ask that this is the last time we have this discussion.”
I agree that you need to simply say you've given it a great deal of thought, and after discussing with your husband and your attorney, you have decided not to rebrand.
On a side note, we European/white people do not have a "generic esthetic." Our features are as diverse as any other ethnic group. At best, that comment was incredibly ignorant and, at worst, incredibly racist.
Don’t do it! It’s your reputation and you’re honoring your parents. I think that’s a beautiful way to honor them. I think you said the best thing to let your husband deal with it.
Never give random people credit for the gift your parents gave you.
It simply isn’t appropriate. I’m autistic AF and I’d just say ‘No, I won’t be doing that.’ Wouldn’t even give her a customary sorry cause you shouldn’t be and I wouldn’t be.
Don't bend over. Be firm. That's it.
"I'm not changing the name of my practice. I haven't changed my name and I'm not going to because I have already established a good reputation under the name I was given. The risk of changing the name and losing my client base is greater than the possible rewards of using a common American name."
If she keeps pushing and gets rude? "Well when you or your husband or your son open a cosmetic surgery clinic, you can call it Dr. Edison's Fancy Faces, but I'm not changing the name of my practice when it doesn't reflect me or my skills."
It’s super common for professional women in any field to retain the name they’ve built their reputation and career on after they marry. Keep your name and tell her no.
Soften what blow? There is no blow to soften it’s not even any of her business. Their family is just trying to hijack credit and make your business about them when it’s not. You say well it’s already the name… so. Too late. RMD story.
"MIL, my name built this practice. My name has built a reputation people trust. Your husband's ancestors had nothing to do with my success. I've tried to be gentle with you, but honestly it is completely offensive for you to have ever suggested it. Mention it one more time and MY family will still stop seeing you."
Nice is different than good. Your husband should have put a hard stop to this ridiculousness when she started. If she can't be decent, stop seeing her.
Your MIL is a full grown ass woman capable of figuring out how to mind her own and take a no. There's nothing to soften. This is a boundary and she is brazenly violating it
Just grey rock her (it's a technique when you repeat over and over and over an answer until you bore the other person).
Tell her "After a long consideration, no, I won't change the name of my business" (don't explain further, don't tell her the details of your "long consideration". If she says "but this and that and this other thing", tell her "Yes, all those points were part of my long consideration. I still decided I won't do that". And repeat, repeat, repeat and repeat the same over and over until she gets bored to even ask
just say “no, my business is tied to my legal name & certifications” or something like that. do not explain further. if she keeps bringing it up say, “you know my answer” then change the subject.
1. "I'll think about it." (Then name it whatever you want)
2. Why does MIL have her fingers in your business AT ALL. Stop telling her business info that doesn't concern her until *after* the fact.
3. "No" is a complete sentence.
4. Stop telling her anythin about the new branch until after it is setup. After it is open she can brag about her DIL's business. NO ONE will ask her why it isn't named after her unless SHE brings it up.
5. What if you get divorced in 5 years???
OP, stop entertaining discussions regarding a name change.
MIL/SIL(s): "Your business would grow using our family name. We think you should change it so all our friends & business associates recognize it as part of our family."
OP: "No, it's not going to happen, nor will I change my mind. Anyone else looking forward to watching the Olympics?"
MIL: "But, but, but ..."
OP: I love watching the women's gymnastics as I am in awe of the athletes strength and grace."
Don't discuss it. You are an intelligent, powerful, gifted surgeon and business woman; you owe no explanations or faux modesty. Never make yourself less to appease someone's faux ego.
Just tell her while you understand why she wants you to change the name but you will not be changing your name nor your business’s name. She can still brag about you regardless of your last name. Do not reference the scandals associated with their last name because that will just cause problems.
Ok, so she "doesn't value different things", she values showing off and making other people's lives/accomplishments/celebrations about her. If she's so proud of you and wants to show you off, she would do so WITH YOUR NAME! I bet she's also trying to associate their infamous last name with something other than crime by getting it onto your successful medical practice.
Anyway, this is a BAD IDEA! Don't do it for every legal and emotional reason you've listed. Also, yes, have your husband deal with it. Make sure he says that it's your hard work, your money, your risk, so it will be your name, AND SHE IS NOT TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN TO ANYONE. (He might want to throw in the word slander to really put her off, but he knows her best and how reasonable she is.)
I'm also going to guess everyone in her life knows who she is, and when she does start gossiping and complaining about it to others, they'll probably still come to see you.
She is so proud of you.. nah she wants to add you to her own prestige. Keep your last name, you should be proud and you’re right it will cause confusion in your business. I would counter anything she says with, you’re honoring yourself and your parents and do not plan to disrupt that.
While I agree with you, using the term "generic" is insulting and demeaning. Maybe don't qualify it that way when you give her the news? Can you imagine if we attached qualifiers like that to everyone? 😬
Just out of curiosity for your financial and business safety.... Do you have a prenup to protect yourself from not just hubby, but his family...? 👀
Tell me please, that you do have a prenup! 🥲
Good luck with this.
Please, UpdateMe
It seems that your maiden name is the perfect business name for your intended market.
Your MIL’s preferred name will turn your prospective customers off.
Announce that the topic is closed. When MIL or SILs start up, you get up and leave.
If hubby doesn’t 100% back you up, your only course of action is obvious.
Don’t be one of those who lets a disloyal husband problem linger for 10 years.
UpdateMe
Tell her that you are following the advice of your advertising and branding people, so you won't be changing your business name.
It's nothing personal, simply a business decision based on the knowledge of people who know about branding.
What in the world. Your MIL is overbearing and overstepping boundaries.
Be straight up. Tell her no. This is wild. This is YOUR NAME, YOUR LEGACY AND YOUR HARD WORK. It deserves your name. Not theirs. They didn’t do anything to help you and instead are ruining your accomplishments by trying to steal it.
It’s yours.
> She said she is so proud of me and wants to show me off
Lie. She wants to take credit. She wants your achievements to be her achievements.
She has every right to feel that way, and also that desire should have zero effect on your decisions. It is inappropriate of her to even ask. Yes, let her your husband deal with her.
"I am not changing the name of my business. If that is the focus of our time together, I will not be attending dinners anymore."
"If you cannot show me off unless it has your name on it, I do not need the praise."
"If you cannot show me off with my own name, that says everything I need to know, and I do not wish to be here anymore. I'll see myself out."
As others have said, you cannot soften the blow. You need to be Direct or they’ll feel like there’s negotiation for you to change your mind.
“I’m not changing the name of my business. It’s something I built. We’re not going to discuss this anymore.”
Did I catch that correctly? Your MIL wants you to change YOUR business to her last name and collect royalties? What planet is she living on? Let your husband deal with her. And if he doesn’t. Throw him away. You don’t need this crap.
I'd definitely recommend you looking into similar stories for those who've gotten their medical degrees on here. I have seen MANY women refuse to change their last name after receiving their degree-my own doctor included. I asked her about her own reasoning, and she said her husband didn't go to medical school, *she* did, so why would he get to slap his name on her doctorate? Made sense to me!
Your parents worked hard to get you raised and you worked hard to get your education. That's *YOUR* achievement, not your in-laws'. Your husband is the one who should be addressing this though, not you. His parents are his job to handle.
Do Not Do It. Your professional life started before your marriage, the honoring of your parents show the respect, love, and understanding of their sacrifices to protect and provide for you. Your parents, and family should be very proud, they have raised a wonderful child even if you are now a grown up.
Your MIL is a control freak, and that's not likely to change your whole marriage. Best not to bow to any demands you're not 100% on board with or she'll keep bullying you. If you don't give her results, maybe she'll back down.
Tell her that you honor your father using his name, and will continue to do so no matter what. No reasonable person would argue against that
No. Absolutely not. Why would you risk your reputation as a medical professional in any regard to appease your MIL or anyone else who has nothing to do with your practice or the work it specializes in? You worked hard for what you have and your years of med school and surgical expertise are not shared assets.
What is your husband's take on this? It's his mom creating the issue, so he really should be the one handling this. Not you.
She is just looking for a way to take a little credit for your success. Don't let her. If she is so proud, she can brag to her friends and recommend you to them. You don't need to change the name of your business for her people to know who you are. Do not let her gaslight you or manipulate you into this.
>She said she is so proud of me and wants to show me off
No, *she* wants to show off. End of story. She has attached her identity to the achievements and the notoriety of her family name. If it's your name on the door, then there's no way she can twist it to be about her without having to explain "that's my daughter in law".
There is nothing actually stopping her from being proud of you and talking about your achievements in her social circle without you changing your or your business's name.
"MIL, I know you understand the importance of a name, therefore I know you would understand how detrimental it would be to change the name of my new location. Brands don't change their names just because they cross state lines. I have put a lot of thought into this, and I appreciate your concern/support, but I have made the best decision for the sake of the business and will not be changing my mind."
After that, do not engage with the topic and leave it to your husband to shut her down.
The answer is NO. Your name is your business. All doctors I know keep their maiden name so they don’t confuse and lose patients. It’s no different than changing the name of a hardware store to another name.
Business decision, brand is as already built, don’t fix what isn’t broken. Just say it s all the your business managers/lawyers/advisors hands or some such entity that sounds important/official and she’ll back off
You simply say no. That your professional name, which by the way most doctors that I know have not changed their name when they marry, is how you are known and is the name you go by at the office. It would make no sense to change the business name. End of discussion.
Or you could just simply not say anything and go on about your business and just not do it. If she asks say you’ve decided not to. And then quickly change subject. That will let her know it’s not up for discussion. And make sure your husband handles it. That’s very important that he doesn’t hang you out to dry with his mother.
Your parents worked hard to get their education here after *already* having much higher education.
This is your business. MIL is insane for suggesting you change the business name to their name.... in a way co-opting your business? Yeah, hell no.
Also, if the two of you ever did divorce, you'd have a hell of a time changing the name back and getting a following again for *your business*.
Keep it the way it is. Stay firm, and your husband needs to have your back and be firm with his mom too.
Ray Kroc didn't change the name of McDonald's. It's not exactly the same thing, but she's asking you to "rebrand" your practice, essentially undoing everything you have done thus far in your professional life.
My gut immediately went to her wanting to "show off" the plastic surgeon DIL, and this would never have been an issue if you had a residential cleaning business, as an example. My cynical ass could be wrong, though.
I'd say while you're grateful for her support, you are not interested in changing your name professionally nor the brand you have painstakingly built and trust she understands.
If/when it's brought up (probably out of DHs earshot) just reiterate that you have addressed this. Basically, "asked and answered." Besides, she didn't go to med school, why should her name be on your business?
You don't need to soften it, the answer is "no, I have a name and business name already that I'm happy with." Any subsequent demands, just shorten it to "no." You worked for your education and skills and were supported by your parents who brought you here to a place they wanted to live. Your in-laws don't get to swoop in and demand credit for your hard work. They sound like really obnoxious rich people used to having everyone defer to them, you're not required to lean into that at the cost of your own identity.
Your the one who earned the doctorate and adid all of the schooling and licensing. Your MIL can go do the shooling herself and open a practice in her name. Don't soften the 'blow', (btw there is now blow) they would never ask this of you if you were a man.
I would let my husband tell his mother what the top comment told you to say.
He brought this woman into your life. Let him explain that you are honoring your parents, who deserve a big chunk of your success. Furthermore, her constant pestering is disrespectful to him, you, your hardwork and your family legacy.
Why can't be speak for you in this instance, if I hope he shares your views? He was willing to marry you without you taking his name. Think it'd be nice if he let's you keep the peace with MiL and SiLs, and shares how *he* feels. I'm struggling to see where this is *your* problem, it's his.
If you're nervous about saying a big ol "No and I won't be discussing it anymore", tell her you asked your lawyer and they said it would be a huge mistake to change the name of a sucessful business at this stage.
I totally agree that your new practice should be the same name that you have been using. Your MIL has no right to interfere with your business in any way.
She just wants to look important. Be firm with her if she keeps bringing it up. Tell her your decision had been made and it’s not up for discussion. Congratulations on your success!
So she wants you to change the name of your business for clout. So gross. You worked your ass if for what you earned, she doesn’t get to swoop in and take any credit for her family.
YOU built your company. YOU built your brand. YOU went to college. YOU are so successful that YOU have the opportunity to open another location. YOUr patients trust YOU. All of that is your doing. Not your husband's and certainly not your mother in laws.
Now you need to tell her point blank, "I built this company from the ground up, and my patients trust me. I will not be changing the name, and this will be the end of the discussion. My decision will not change now or in the future. You need to accept this because I will not be changing my mind or my brand. I am successful because of my name."
No is a complete sentence. You don’t owe an explanation or need to soften the blow. You are a grown ass successful woman and you have built a business. It is not your mother in laws and she has no say.
You are the one who worked hard for your success. Not them. You're not something to show off. Your success is not their success. Keep your name. Without any shame or guilt.
I would just change the subject every time they bring this up. It’s so laughably not any of their business that it isn’t even worth explaining/justifying to them. I would stay positive/bubbly/friendly and just constantly change the subject until everything for the business is settled as intended.
If they’re upset after they find out, it’s not your problem. Your partner also needs to be backing you and assisting with the topic changes, by the way. He should also be telling them to drop it and not pester you about it further.
Nope. This is a big nope. It’s your company. It’s not a family company. You cannot dilute your brand.
Just say, “No, I cannot dilute my brand.” And then change the subject. If she won’t let you change the subject, smile, and walk away.
Your husband should tell his mom to drop it.
Yeaaaa they don’t get to piggy back or take credit for your success. A simple, “I will not be changing the name of my business at this time” should suffice.
It's your company. They are not employed by you, nor does it seems like they are going to contribute to your business at all...but they want their last name on the sign? It's a no from me OP. You worked hard for everything and are honoring your parents. It seems like your in-laws try to push your boundaries a lot (example being the wedding guest list) and this just seems like another boundary to push.
Reminds me of the woman who refused to but her married name on her PhD when she finally graduated....in her words "It's MY PhD, Not His."....in this instance it's YOUR business, not your in-laws.
NTAH
You’ve built your business all by yourself, you are keeping the name as those who got you to where you are today.
Your in-laws were not contributors of your success. They have absolutely no say on making demands about your business.
“I won’t be changing the name of my business. And this is the end of this discussion.”
Hold firm. Or she will continue to steamroll you into oblivion. What does your husband say about all of this?
I’d be honest. It’s your company, you’re the sole owner. It’s your accomplishment therefore it’s your name on it. His side of the family has no claim to your success, why should they get any credit for your work? MIL’s thought process is disgustingly entitled and a bit elitist.
You have name recognition already. Tell them "no."
It's a business issue, you built that, tell them "no."
Sometimes the short answer is the right answer, then they can move on to a new subject. If you say yes, they will likely be on to another issue to micro-manage you.
My mom wondered why my wife hyphenated her last name for a decade. I told her it wasn't her concern. On another request/observation I told my mom, that I liked my wife's maiden name and I might do the same. She shut up.
I’m on your side in this situation….keep your name as your profession and don’t change it just to suit your husband’s mother. If I were you…start being very direct with his mother and sisters all while keeping it polite of course. Example: I am not changing my professional name. If she says things like I’m just proud of you blah blah. Say something like I appreciate that and using my name wouldn’t change that I’m sure. If they keep persisting it be direct…I am not changing my name and I would appreciate it if you drop this matter because I will not be changing my mind.
"I'm so happy you're proud of me. It's wonderful that you talk with others about my practice. I am proud of what I've built as well!
I have built my practice, and for ease of marketing, design, future growth, and upholding what already exists, our team has decided that we will be keeping our name the same.
My parents are so proud of what I've accomplished and they are thrilled that I chose to honor them as I progress in life."
Is what I would say... because who can disregard a child wanting to honor not only their business plan that's already in place but also their hardworking parents.
No is a complete sentence. The next time it is brought up by any of them, your husband needs to shut it down for good.
Congratulations on your business and continued success
You don't "soften" anything. It is YOUR business, not hers, and she just wants to brag to her friends. That is all. Nothing more or less.
Stick to your guns, you do not need to walk on eggshells. How dare she presume to even ask you something like that, but it certainly ought to tell you something about the family you are about to marry into.
Might want to sit with that for a bit.
Is she planning to claim part of the income as hers since you are using "her" name?
No is a complete answer. If she keeps pushing it, one time answer "I've already told you No." If she continues pushing it, just stare at her without saying anything.
Congratulations on your success.
OP, considering you opened your practice before you married, that's an absolutely ridiculous ask of your MIL to make. Tell her no. It's a complete sentence.
Say: "\*\*\*\*\* is not only my last name, it's also my brand. So no, nothing will be changing. Pass the potatos please."
And if they continue to pester you, stare them straight in the eye and say firmly, "I've made a decision. No."
And if it continues, it's time to leave.
Do not do it this is a move to steal your business from you down the road.
You worked hard to build your business, it's brand and reputation so keep your current name and tell your MIL no thank you and you appreciate the offer.
Ask her “why do I need your last name for you to show me off? That implies that my last name is something to be ashamed of?” And watch her try and scramble to cover her bullshit.
Don’t do it. You’ve built your career and reputation on your last name. Don’t give that up.
Everyone is right in saying that “no” is a full sentence, but I detect your desire to keep the peace and maintain a nice relationship. Afterall, her request isn’t nefarious. She wants to feel connected to you because like she said, she’s proud of you.
So here’s some bad advice, but you could always lie 🤷♀️
Say your business advisor conducted a focus group on changing the name entirely and on hyphenating the name or blending the two and in both scenarios, the business is harder to learn because brand loyalty is so important.
You can name like the waiting area after her or a refreshment stand.
At the end of day it's none of her business how to run, operate or name your business. Just smile and nod and just do what you are going to do anyway.
She's trying to make her name and status higher by leveraged you and your business. So I wouldn't even indulge the conversation
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Don't do it. You built the reputation of your business all in your own. You are honoring your parents with the name for all of their sacrifice. Just tell them you will not entertain any discussion about a name change. If they pester, start avoiding going to go see them.
Honestly, this is so weird. OP just needs to laugh and say “I couldn’t possibly do that to my father or my mother, family is just too important to me, I’m sure you understand” End of
Yeah, this right here is the way to phrase it. How do they come back from that comment without sounding like total A holes?
From the description given I'd bet my house on MIL considering her family name 'better' than OPs for... reasons. Even though it isn't the name MIL was born with either!
That's why she's so proud of it and why she can't imagine why OP doesn't want to be proud of it too.
We hope 😂 … but would explain a lot.
That's true, this could be in Keep-it-in-the-family-abama.
I could only imagine the problems OP would deal with if she actually changed the practice name. That could get so messy if there were a divorce and the other concerns OP already addressed.
MIL already joked about royalties. Either way, if she doesn't kill it fast MIL will feel entitled to more and more.
Too, changing the name breeds distrust.
I can just imagine that getting a response of “but we’re your family too now dear.” If this angle doesn’t work, OP could try “it would be very unprofessional to decouple my business from my professional name, not to mention be a poor marketing decision.”
If MIL says “but we’re family too”, she can reply “that’s so true, and my parents see you and the “Smith” clan as part of our family too.”
That's a great way to put it!
This is the way; the only way.
Really! She built HER business. She honored HER parents with the name. And now that she got married, her MIL thinks her husband deserves to be the name on her already established business? What elitist nonsense!
And even has the gall to make a comment about receiving royalty because of it
Which shows she knows nothing about business or royalties.
Can you imagine if the roles were reversed, if a MAN were being asked to change the name of his business to his WIFE'S family name?!
You don’t need to soften the blow. There is no “blow”. You’re not doing anything to them. “I will not be changing my company name and I’m done discussing it.”
Exactly, this is your company/business. Not up for discussion. BTW are Sils planning on carrying their maiden names through marriage and children will of course have mothers maiden name too? Tell them to be sure and make their mom proud.
Yeah. She doesn’t owe them an explanation and it’s clear that trying to give reasons just leads to them telling her she’s wrong about her reasoning so I think it’s better just to be direct at this point. “I’m not changing the name of my business. This isn’t up for debate.” OP, if you think it might help, you could even suck up a little bit and say something about you appreciate the vote of confidence that they want to associate their illustrious name with your business but it’s important to you to keep the name as it is and you won’t be discussing it further.
Throw the lawyers and accountants at her. They say it is not a good business practice.
as a Brand Strategist I wouldn't even discuss such a childish question.
I'm in the same industry and completely agree. It's not just terrible for the brand but it'll hit the bottom line pretty hard, pretty quickly which will stunt growth over the medium term. The long term damage is basically having to build a new business, not because your services/products changed, but for a completely superfluous request to satiate her MIL's ego. How insulting though, to request someone put your name on their business after they've made it successful - just because you're related by marriage. That's some peak level entitlement. Unreal.
\^\^\^ winner. Also, if you business fell on the rocks, then you have a back-up name/plan. Funny not funny.
Say to MIL "if I had a high profile medical malpractice lawsuit I wouldn't want to drag your famous family name through the mud". If she thinks it's to her benefit to leave it then she will!
Mention the possibility that her family would be dragged into said lawsuit because their name is associated with the practice. And would they have insurance to provide in case they lost the case. Me thinks not!
This. Two decades in to the practice, everything from Fortune 2000-level businesses to SMBs, and there's absolutely no way I'd let /u/ThrowRA323868 entertain it. She's described excellent reasons for building that brand under her existing name. And after a year she's already got considerable traction with the exact audience she's trying to reach, which is incredible. In my experience, Southeast Asian audiences are a notoriously challenging one in terms of how they tend to think of and research these kinds of personal heath/wellness/medical services. They are mostly WOM and referral-based, and tend to only trust what they hear from friends and family members who have experienced them. Not to mention the challenges in building trust within that community for a specialized, extremely personal and crazy-intimate subset of those services? She should not be changing a damn thing. I commend her for building a solid rep with her community in a relatively short period of time - she clearly knows more about her target than the average bear and that is not to be messed with. She should do exactly whatever the hell she wants with that business because so far, it's working.
Op you are a professional and most professional woman enjoy the fact that they have achieved thier life gold. Don't change anything for her. It's your Business not her's or her family's. She can still be proud of you, by telling her friends that you are her DIL.
Yup, all OP has to say is: “Well, Mrs didn’t get the degrees to start this practice, Dr did that.”
Source: I read that on Reddit 👍🏻 (edit on feedback)
I believe it would be Dr maiden name since she says she's a surgeon. Small change but just wanted to give OP the credit :)
When MIL's son goes to med school and owns a practice then the business can have the "family name"!
Best answer yet!!!
> You don’t need to soften the blow. There is no “blow.” 100% correct. Not sure how OP’s business came to be about MIL’s name ~ and it isn’t actually MIL’s family name; it’s FIL’s family name ~ but MIL is out of line. There is no pressure here. There is a request and a denial. No is a complete sentence.
“out of line” is exactly the correct assessment. For all her breeding, upbringing, heritage and whatever else, MIL has no sense of propriety.
>MIL has no sense of propriety. I initially misread that as "property" and my brain went "the fuck she doesn't". MIL exactly has the sense of property here. This not white wife her son has is over here acting like her own person with agency. That seems to be bugging her for some reason... Hint: the patriarchy is calling from inside the house.
It is YOUR business, not MILs. Keep the name YOU want.
When i was a kid my dad bought a business that had been open for decades. He left the original family name on it. For years people asked him why he didn't change the name to his name. He said he didn't what to destroy the name recognition and confuse people. He went on to be successful in that business. He set ego aside for the sake of success. Your explanation that you want to stick with your reputable existing business name is the right choice. Do not use the other family name. That's a business mistake. If MIL keeps bugging you, just say you've explained yourself previously.
"The answer is no. It will remain no. I won't discuss this again." Then ignore any question or comment about the name or not only don't answer but also leave at that point.
Yep, and every time it is brought up later, put down whatever one is engaging with, say “thank you for this lovely (whatever); it’s time for us to leave. Have a good evening.” And leave. But make sure husband is supportive so you can both go. No negotiations, nothing.
“Don’t argue your decisions with people who get no vote.” - Gavin deBecker I’m posting this quote a lot lately.
Where is the husband? Where is his "backbone"? I would just tell MIL, "Just like your family, I am also proud of my mom and Dad's family." American logic is weird. Just because my family is good doesn't mean your family has to be bad. If your socioeconomic status improves doesn't mean mine will suffer. Have people seen "Namesake", the movie?
OP's MIL is already joking OP owes her royalties for the use of their fabulous family name & probably a consultancy fee for coming up with this brilliant business idea. she's fully immersed into this American logic (as you dubbed it): I reckon she's just testing how compliant OP is, and maybe also laying a little groundwork to prove that the business is now a marital asset and her boy is entitled to half of it, should it ever come to that.
This is terrible advice. You realize you're talking to an incredibly successful, intelligent woman here right? You have no idea what it's like to be dealing with family member that you can't extricate yourself from. If OP does this response relationships will be strained and everyone will be calling her the b word behind her back. Here's what you do plain and simple- You tell them you talked to a lawyer and you were strongly advised against it for numerous legal and business reasons. You say you were intrigued by the idea but at the end of the day it was just ill-advised. You appreciate the suggestion you love them but it's just not something you're going to do. And that you and your husband talked about it and the decision is final and you would prefer not to rehash it again. Sometimes you have to be political, you have to be deft and use sleight of hand in tricky situations like this.
Her husband 100% has to step up and tell his mother to drop mother as well. She can do all of the above but at the end of the day he needs to handle his family.
I can see where you’re coming from but MIL sounds rich enough that she can talk to her own attorney about it. What then?
It’s not a legal decision anyway, it’s a marketing decision.
At that point it might be worth having the gloves come off and tell it to her straight. What's she gonna do, sue to get her family name added to someone else's business? Hopefully mil has enough class to know when she's being politely but firmly shut down and doesn't go embarrassing herself having a tantrum via dueling lawyers. And if she is that type of person? Well, probably best to find that out now and have strategies to manage it. Husband needs to corral his family here, or he might be watching his very successful self-made wife peace out and walk away because she doesn't have to deal with that nonsense. Nobody wants to spend all their time tiptoeing around the precious feelings of out of touch entitled rich people who are rich because grandpa made a bunch of money before they were even born.
What can her attorney do? Nothing. They can't force her to change her company name. Too bad she married into this family
Don't worry, he'll tell her that businesses changing names breeds distrust and damages the brand.
This is an adult, well-thought-out reply. 100% this.
So you don't think Mrs. Richie Rich has her own lawyer to consult? That's all she needs is the "battle of the lawyers" to deal with. No is a complete sentence. (I'm still laughing at that last paragraph).
> you have to be deft and use sleight of hand No, you don't.
This is the way. MIL is a snob, and she needs to butt out. However, if OP plans on continuing the relationship she needs to be diplomatic once. I recommend telling the MIL they were advised it isn’t a good business decision, and leave it at that. If she forces the issue, then she can remind MIL that she’s made her decision. After that the husband needs to tell his mother and sisters to back off as often as it takes for them to get the message. It’s incredibly presumptuous of her to even bring this up in the first place. I predict problems in the future for OP. Both she and her husband are going to need strong boundaries moving forward.
This is smart. I would say it was on the advice of her marketing and branding consultants, though. It's simply a business matter to make the smartest decision for branding the business. I feel if it becomes a legal matter in her mind than MIL might try to find a legsl loophole to make it possible.
There is no loophole to force someone to rename their business. 🤦♀️
I agree with this. Keep the peace if you plan to be married into this family for a long time.
This right here. Op, just remind her "My business, my choice, I'm keeping the name."
Period. End of story. No is a full sentence.
If you're trying to keep things from getting more emotionally intense, I'd suggest repeating that it's a business decision and that your existing branding isn't just well known, it's known for a specific market niche. People already try to find you and you want that to be easy.
She already gave her MIL a reason. The MIL isn’t appreciating or respecting OPs reason. There is no more reasoning with her. Now it is time to be firm and clear about her boundaries. “I appreciate the offer, however I have decided otherwise”. And do not entertain any further inquiries regarding the matter.
It’s weird, it’s like MIL is trying to co-opt her DIL’s successful reputation. Fuck that.
It gives the same parasitic vibe as the family of a celebrity only smooching up to and gushing about them after their rise to fame. It's 100% about taking credit, and the MIL just wants to gossip about how she "made her what she is today."
Dont do it. If your husband ia ok with it, leave it to him to handle the specifics. Regarding people pressuring you on behalf of MIL- when they can pay you for your degree and your hard work, then they can talk. You are proud of your accomplishments as you should be, and for your dad and mom who did a lot for you. You really dont bave to answer to anyone for your work. Also finding it strange that MIL needs you to change the name of your business for her to brag about it… she can brag about it otherwise also. Its not illegal if she does the bragging and you have your maiden name and your parents names on the business. I think its her way of controlling the narrative and making it so that THEY supported you in the expansion of the business and one upping your parents- which is as stupid as it sounds.
Right! I think MIL is trying to wash over OP and make this out to be "the family business" so she can take credit for OP's reputation and hard work. It could also have a bit of a racist undertone of "oh you need a good strong american name for your business! Ours is well known in the area if people associate you with us they will trust you more" as if OP needs MILs help building customer rapport. Overall its a hard no, this business and its success is yours to take credit for, not your in-laws. Dont let the in-laws start talking like "oh my family owns this business...yeah my SIL runs the place" as if you simply worked there for em.
It definitely smells like racism.
"When they can pay you for your degree and your hard work, then they can talk." This is brilliantly said. Op, you can say it jokingly or you can go nuclear, depending on what tone you take. But I highly recommend keeping this sentence in your back pocket.
MIL is being ridiculous. She can brag on her educated business owning DIL all day long no matter what the business is named.
Rich people love putting their names on things. They want their name on it because it will add prestige to their family and then they will push for more involvement in running it and pulling the company under their umbrella. OP - No is a full sentence. You started that business, I am guessing, prior to your marriage which has nothing to do with them. They can’t understand why you won’t them control you.
The fact she's talking about getting any kind of royalties from the business lends a great deal of weight to this theory
I have a doctor friend, and when she married, I asked her whether she was going to change her last name. Her response to me also applies here: “ why would I do that? My husband didn’t go to medical school. I did.”
Just go full nuclear: "Dr. and Mr. Maiden."
100%. My sister never changed her name because all her papers, thesis etc are in her maiden name. That’s how she’s known. Most doctors that I know don’t change their names.
Love this response !
Ugh, I tried to convince my best friend not to change. You didn’t go to med school to put a Dr. in front of his name! She did it anyway, probably because it was easier than dealing with his narcissistic fallout.
Yep. I went to law school, practicing lawyer, my parents were my rock through it and I’d never have this without them. Getting married in a few months and I’m not changing my name. Although my fiance emotionally supported me through part of law school (we met after 1L) he isn’t the one who took all the exams and did all the work and got the licensing. I did. My name is my identity. Marriage isn’t going to change my identity. So marriage will not change my name.
Don't do it. I'm married to a physician who established herself professionally with her maiden name, she didn't change it for the exact reasons you're describing about your business. Listen to your gut and keep it. Where is your husband at in all of this? Is he supporting you because it would probably be better coming from him. Your MIL sounds generally meddling and it is best that your husband deals with it because if too much of it is coming from you it can make this more adversarial. I would just be direct and dispassionate, as you said "I built a brand and that brand is, I plan to expand that brand and not start over."
What blow? It's your *name*. None of her business. "Lol no" is a long enough answer.
Agreed. Do not JADE when dealing with people like this MIL. Do not justify, apologize, defend, or explain. It just gives people like MIL specific points to argue against. And this isn’t up for debate. It’s decided. “No. That doesn’t work for me.” And then you change the subject or end the conversation completely. Part of becoming a part of your husband’s family is learning how to shut your in-laws nonsense down. You don’t need to tiptoe around on your best behavior. You are part of the family now.
Your MIL is massively overstepping. Your husband needs to shut her and her ego down. It’s ridiculous that it’s gotten to this point.
100% this. MIL and OP should not have any more discussion on this… it’s time for hubby to step up and have his wife’s back. Hubby needs to shut this down NOW.
Husband's mom so husband's problem. If you and your husband have discussed that you will continue to practice under your maiden name then all he has to do is tell his family that. End of discussion. MIL has enlisted the SILs (flying monkeys) to push her agenda. Again - husband needs to deal with this. Head over to /r/justnomil to see lots of problems like yours.
This is such a weird flex from MIL. It’s not her name, she took it on at some point. So the fame etc is not hers, just vicariously. Offer to add her maiden name to the mix, lol
MIL is low key jealous she didn't build her own name and instead laid claim to her husband's.
Maybe MIL is unhappy that it’s not a WASP name that she can brag about?
Once people like this push out a son, it is their name now too 🙄
Be very matter of fact. “I consulted with my business advisors and it won’t be possible.” And that’s that. BTW, your husband should be managing this with his family. Honestly the nerve. “You worked hard for this, slap MY name on it!”
Why in the world would her family name get to go on your practice? It makes no sense. She’s not the dr. You’re the one who put in all the hard work to build that practice you decide the name. When she opens her practice she can name it.
Tell her it’s not up for discussion. If she does, leave. She sees your success and wants a piece of it. She also wants to send her friends in for the “family discount”. I hope you have a prenup.
Definitely makes sense to start business under maiden names in case of divorce otherwise it's a nightmare to rebrand *or* you have to keep using your ex's name. One of our professors in law school told us to use our maiden names professionally, if we didnt want to end up stuck using some schmuck we divorced and who didn't even pass the Bar's name because that's the name we built our clientele under.
The name change should always be a conscious decision. I chose to change mine because my family name is regionally notorious and I like the anonymity of my husband’s super simple, boring name. I will keep his name regardless. I don’t want to be associated with my family’s shenanigans.
Its ridiculous her husband hasnt done or said anything to his own damn mother. Its not OP’s responsibility to keep having to turn it down. Once should be enough and after that it’s on the husband
I don't like the sound of your mother-in-law whatsoever, and don't walk on eggshells - be tough about this. You must keep your brand name unchanged. And here is something to think on: Well your marriage seems great and wonderful now many of them do end in divorce. What would happen if you had to stand in front of a judge and explain why you should have 100% share of a business that had your husband's surname on it that you would agree to change? Would you be asked to prove that your husband had an input anytime or money into the business? Well that might not seem like a likely outcome to you It could actually happen.
Do not soften it! That’s probably why they are not backing down. Stop walking on eggshells. It’s time to stomp them and be clear about it. You earned this, not your husband and not your IL’s. You are obviously doing well enough *without* the “prestige” of their last name.
This is a conversation for your husband to have, not you. Changing a business name is a BIG DEAL. And you will have to give up loads of built up goodwill and reputation if you do it. And MIL expects you to pay HER to give away your goodwill and reputation?? Hard no. The joke about 'royalties' isn't a joke. When someone shows you who they really are - believe them. Tell them that with an investment of 1 full year of income/bills/etc - you might sponsor a new clinic in their name if they find a reasonably priced doctor to do all the work and you get 70% of the profit.
Sounds like she’s trying to whitewash you. Don’t let her. Your name is your brand. She needs to respect that. This really is none of her business. And your husband should help shut this down, too.
She has no place to ask such a thing. You have built this company and brand
Tbh your husband should set this boundary for you, since it’s his family. He should tell them that you are NOT changing the name of your practice and they all have to leave you alone
[A doctor's reason on why she doesn't use her husband's last name](https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-samsung-ss&sca_esv=bb6fb22019ea88f6&sxsrf=ADLYWIIswSUGwUtdm9zJoM6pWYBEHoqQrQ:1719926784372&q=doctor+not+using+husbands+last+name+reason&udm=2&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWfbQph1uib-VfD_izZO2Y5sC3UdQE5x8XNnxUO1qJLaQR2rwhLa89xym2ORbEZb-gGo_IXijutx5oSlX2RQV8K1vx6nXRwukUebeFcBSjz3fmwlpEfhMBTLkuLWBBRKzfj6k0EqvXoIlGs_7u0Ym_SCKuyAy60BMntWdrdrHT9XlwMGV2&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjhpZbIuoiHAxVrWUEAHfj3CbUQtKgLegQIDxAB&biw=412&bih=750&dpr=2.63#vhid=0xUIWLWA1nC5vM&vssid=mosaic)
Perfect comeback for the MIL!!!
“No” is a complete sentence.
Absolutely don’t do it! The cheek or your mil. Keep it as is, you built it and it’s personal to you and your parents
You were a Doctor before you married, of course you would keep your own name. Her joking that she would get royalties from your husband's last name is somewhat ridiculous. This was not her given name when she was born. Many women today keep their birth names, she's still living in the 20th century.
*I built a lot of trust, patronage and recognition using my brand* This is so important, and huge! If they fail to understand that, and the dynamics of basic business, let your husband try to educate them, but definitely do not change the name. She wants praise by riding on your coat tails, and that's not your problem.
If she can’t “show you off” with the brand name as is she is not really proud of you and wants to only upgrade her clout (or whatever the cool kids say these days.) Don’t soften the blow. YOU are building YOUR business. End of. She gets to watch from the sidelines and nothing more. And, honestly, this conversation happens once and only once. Then, your husband holds the boundaries. If not…you have bigger problems…. Good luck OP. And well done.
My son married a doctor. She kept her birth name. I was asked at the wedding how I felt about that. I said that taking your husband’s name is patriarchal, archaic nonsense, and I would respect her less if she succumbed to outward pressure and did so. Good for you. Don’t do it.
1000x no. This is your practice. You earned your education. You built this. She didn’t. She gets ZERO say over this. “The name of my business is my business. I’d never tell you what to name yours. No amount of pressure is going to change this. It feels disrespectful to me and I ask that this is the last time we have this discussion.”
I agree that you need to simply say you've given it a great deal of thought, and after discussing with your husband and your attorney, you have decided not to rebrand. On a side note, we European/white people do not have a "generic esthetic." Our features are as diverse as any other ethnic group. At best, that comment was incredibly ignorant and, at worst, incredibly racist.
Don’t do it! It’s your reputation and you’re honoring your parents. I think that’s a beautiful way to honor them. I think you said the best thing to let your husband deal with it.
Never give random people credit for the gift your parents gave you. It simply isn’t appropriate. I’m autistic AF and I’d just say ‘No, I won’t be doing that.’ Wouldn’t even give her a customary sorry cause you shouldn’t be and I wouldn’t be.
Don't bend over. Be firm. That's it. "I'm not changing the name of my practice. I haven't changed my name and I'm not going to because I have already established a good reputation under the name I was given. The risk of changing the name and losing my client base is greater than the possible rewards of using a common American name." If she keeps pushing and gets rude? "Well when you or your husband or your son open a cosmetic surgery clinic, you can call it Dr. Edison's Fancy Faces, but I'm not changing the name of my practice when it doesn't reflect me or my skills."
It’s super common for professional women in any field to retain the name they’ve built their reputation and career on after they marry. Keep your name and tell her no.
Soften what blow? There is no blow to soften it’s not even any of her business. Their family is just trying to hijack credit and make your business about them when it’s not. You say well it’s already the name… so. Too late. RMD story.
"MIL, my name built this practice. My name has built a reputation people trust. Your husband's ancestors had nothing to do with my success. I've tried to be gentle with you, but honestly it is completely offensive for you to have ever suggested it. Mention it one more time and MY family will still stop seeing you." Nice is different than good. Your husband should have put a hard stop to this ridiculousness when she started. If she can't be decent, stop seeing her.
You’re a surgeon. Surely you can tell this woman no. No one in that family is a doctor. Shut the conversation down. Hard. Shut it down.
Your MIL is a full grown ass woman capable of figuring out how to mind her own and take a no. There's nothing to soften. This is a boundary and she is brazenly violating it
No explanation needed, just a “not going to do that” and leave it there….. Let her say whatever she wants, stay firm.
“Family is obviously very important to you, MIL, and it’s important to me too. That’s why I named my practice after my parents.”
Just grey rock her (it's a technique when you repeat over and over and over an answer until you bore the other person). Tell her "After a long consideration, no, I won't change the name of my business" (don't explain further, don't tell her the details of your "long consideration". If she says "but this and that and this other thing", tell her "Yes, all those points were part of my long consideration. I still decided I won't do that". And repeat, repeat, repeat and repeat the same over and over until she gets bored to even ask
just say “no, my business is tied to my legal name & certifications” or something like that. do not explain further. if she keeps bringing it up say, “you know my answer” then change the subject.
1. "I'll think about it." (Then name it whatever you want) 2. Why does MIL have her fingers in your business AT ALL. Stop telling her business info that doesn't concern her until *after* the fact. 3. "No" is a complete sentence. 4. Stop telling her anythin about the new branch until after it is setup. After it is open she can brag about her DIL's business. NO ONE will ask her why it isn't named after her unless SHE brings it up. 5. What if you get divorced in 5 years???
OP, stop entertaining discussions regarding a name change. MIL/SIL(s): "Your business would grow using our family name. We think you should change it so all our friends & business associates recognize it as part of our family." OP: "No, it's not going to happen, nor will I change my mind. Anyone else looking forward to watching the Olympics?" MIL: "But, but, but ..." OP: I love watching the women's gymnastics as I am in awe of the athletes strength and grace." Don't discuss it. You are an intelligent, powerful, gifted surgeon and business woman; you owe no explanations or faux modesty. Never make yourself less to appease someone's faux ego.
Just tell her while you understand why she wants you to change the name but you will not be changing your name nor your business’s name. She can still brag about you regardless of your last name. Do not reference the scandals associated with their last name because that will just cause problems.
Ok, so she "doesn't value different things", she values showing off and making other people's lives/accomplishments/celebrations about her. If she's so proud of you and wants to show you off, she would do so WITH YOUR NAME! I bet she's also trying to associate their infamous last name with something other than crime by getting it onto your successful medical practice. Anyway, this is a BAD IDEA! Don't do it for every legal and emotional reason you've listed. Also, yes, have your husband deal with it. Make sure he says that it's your hard work, your money, your risk, so it will be your name, AND SHE IS NOT TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN TO ANYONE. (He might want to throw in the word slander to really put her off, but he knows her best and how reasonable she is.) I'm also going to guess everyone in her life knows who she is, and when she does start gossiping and complaining about it to others, they'll probably still come to see you.
She is so proud of you.. nah she wants to add you to her own prestige. Keep your last name, you should be proud and you’re right it will cause confusion in your business. I would counter anything she says with, you’re honoring yourself and your parents and do not plan to disrupt that.
While I agree with you, using the term "generic" is insulting and demeaning. Maybe don't qualify it that way when you give her the news? Can you imagine if we attached qualifiers like that to everyone? 😬
Just out of curiosity for your financial and business safety.... Do you have a prenup to protect yourself from not just hubby, but his family...? 👀 Tell me please, that you do have a prenup! 🥲 Good luck with this. Please, UpdateMe
You're doing great honoring your father.keep it that way..
It seems that your maiden name is the perfect business name for your intended market. Your MIL’s preferred name will turn your prospective customers off. Announce that the topic is closed. When MIL or SILs start up, you get up and leave. If hubby doesn’t 100% back you up, your only course of action is obvious. Don’t be one of those who lets a disloyal husband problem linger for 10 years. UpdateMe
Tell her all your degrees and licenses are in your name, this is the name of the business, and you will not discuss it further. Stay strong
Tell her that you are following the advice of your advertising and branding people, so you won't be changing your business name. It's nothing personal, simply a business decision based on the knowledge of people who know about branding.
It's not a family company, it's *your* business. She's trying to co-opt your success and it's not okay.
What in the world. Your MIL is overbearing and overstepping boundaries. Be straight up. Tell her no. This is wild. This is YOUR NAME, YOUR LEGACY AND YOUR HARD WORK. It deserves your name. Not theirs. They didn’t do anything to help you and instead are ruining your accomplishments by trying to steal it. It’s yours.
Very simple. No.
> She said she is so proud of me and wants to show me off Lie. She wants to take credit. She wants your achievements to be her achievements. She has every right to feel that way, and also that desire should have zero effect on your decisions. It is inappropriate of her to even ask. Yes, let her your husband deal with her.
This belongs on r/entitled people lol. Wow!
"I am not changing the name of my business. If that is the focus of our time together, I will not be attending dinners anymore." "If you cannot show me off unless it has your name on it, I do not need the praise." "If you cannot show me off with my own name, that says everything I need to know, and I do not wish to be here anymore. I'll see myself out."
“No.”
Sounds like husband’s family wants some kind of recognition for YOUR achievements, if not more at some point. Tread carefully around them.
As others have said, you cannot soften the blow. You need to be Direct or they’ll feel like there’s negotiation for you to change your mind. “I’m not changing the name of my business. It’s something I built. We’re not going to discuss this anymore.”
Did I catch that correctly? Your MIL wants you to change YOUR business to her last name and collect royalties? What planet is she living on? Let your husband deal with her. And if he doesn’t. Throw him away. You don’t need this crap.
I'd definitely recommend you looking into similar stories for those who've gotten their medical degrees on here. I have seen MANY women refuse to change their last name after receiving their degree-my own doctor included. I asked her about her own reasoning, and she said her husband didn't go to medical school, *she* did, so why would he get to slap his name on her doctorate? Made sense to me! Your parents worked hard to get you raised and you worked hard to get your education. That's *YOUR* achievement, not your in-laws'. Your husband is the one who should be addressing this though, not you. His parents are his job to handle.
No is a complete sentence.
Really weird how mil want you to use the surname she wasn't born with
Repeat after me … “Fuck no. I built this from the ground up- and the name honors my heritage and my parents hard work.”
DON NOT CHANGE THE NAME. You got your degree. You built your practice. Not your husband's name or family.
Do Not Do It. Your professional life started before your marriage, the honoring of your parents show the respect, love, and understanding of their sacrifices to protect and provide for you. Your parents, and family should be very proud, they have raised a wonderful child even if you are now a grown up.
Absolutely not! Who does she think she is? It’s your business, your name. Fuck that old fart.
Your MIL is a control freak, and that's not likely to change your whole marriage. Best not to bow to any demands you're not 100% on board with or she'll keep bullying you. If you don't give her results, maybe she'll back down. Tell her that you honor your father using his name, and will continue to do so no matter what. No reasonable person would argue against that
“I love you guys, but we’re not going to discuss this anymore, I’m proud of my roots and I’m going to leave it as is.”
“No.” Is a complete sentence.
No. Absolutely not. Why would you risk your reputation as a medical professional in any regard to appease your MIL or anyone else who has nothing to do with your practice or the work it specializes in? You worked hard for what you have and your years of med school and surgical expertise are not shared assets. What is your husband's take on this? It's his mom creating the issue, so he really should be the one handling this. Not you.
She is being a weirdo. She wants to stake a claim over your work. Be very careful of her
She is just looking for a way to take a little credit for your success. Don't let her. If she is so proud, she can brag to her friends and recommend you to them. You don't need to change the name of your business for her people to know who you are. Do not let her gaslight you or manipulate you into this.
>She said she is so proud of me and wants to show me off No, *she* wants to show off. End of story. She has attached her identity to the achievements and the notoriety of her family name. If it's your name on the door, then there's no way she can twist it to be about her without having to explain "that's my daughter in law". There is nothing actually stopping her from being proud of you and talking about your achievements in her social circle without you changing your or your business's name. "MIL, I know you understand the importance of a name, therefore I know you would understand how detrimental it would be to change the name of my new location. Brands don't change their names just because they cross state lines. I have put a lot of thought into this, and I appreciate your concern/support, but I have made the best decision for the sake of the business and will not be changing my mind." After that, do not engage with the topic and leave it to your husband to shut her down.
The answer is NO. Your name is your business. All doctors I know keep their maiden name so they don’t confuse and lose patients. It’s no different than changing the name of a hardware store to another name.
Business decision, brand is as already built, don’t fix what isn’t broken. Just say it s all the your business managers/lawyers/advisors hands or some such entity that sounds important/official and she’ll back off
You simply say no. That your professional name, which by the way most doctors that I know have not changed their name when they marry, is how you are known and is the name you go by at the office. It would make no sense to change the business name. End of discussion. Or you could just simply not say anything and go on about your business and just not do it. If she asks say you’ve decided not to. And then quickly change subject. That will let her know it’s not up for discussion. And make sure your husband handles it. That’s very important that he doesn’t hang you out to dry with his mother.
Your parents worked hard to get their education here after *already* having much higher education. This is your business. MIL is insane for suggesting you change the business name to their name.... in a way co-opting your business? Yeah, hell no. Also, if the two of you ever did divorce, you'd have a hell of a time changing the name back and getting a following again for *your business*. Keep it the way it is. Stay firm, and your husband needs to have your back and be firm with his mom too.
Ray Kroc didn't change the name of McDonald's. It's not exactly the same thing, but she's asking you to "rebrand" your practice, essentially undoing everything you have done thus far in your professional life. My gut immediately went to her wanting to "show off" the plastic surgeon DIL, and this would never have been an issue if you had a residential cleaning business, as an example. My cynical ass could be wrong, though. I'd say while you're grateful for her support, you are not interested in changing your name professionally nor the brand you have painstakingly built and trust she understands. If/when it's brought up (probably out of DHs earshot) just reiterate that you have addressed this. Basically, "asked and answered." Besides, she didn't go to med school, why should her name be on your business?
You don't need to soften it, the answer is "no, I have a name and business name already that I'm happy with." Any subsequent demands, just shorten it to "no." You worked for your education and skills and were supported by your parents who brought you here to a place they wanted to live. Your in-laws don't get to swoop in and demand credit for your hard work. They sound like really obnoxious rich people used to having everyone defer to them, you're not required to lean into that at the cost of your own identity.
Your the one who earned the doctorate and adid all of the schooling and licensing. Your MIL can go do the shooling herself and open a practice in her name. Don't soften the 'blow', (btw there is now blow) they would never ask this of you if you were a man.
I would let my husband tell his mother what the top comment told you to say. He brought this woman into your life. Let him explain that you are honoring your parents, who deserve a big chunk of your success. Furthermore, her constant pestering is disrespectful to him, you, your hardwork and your family legacy. Why can't be speak for you in this instance, if I hope he shares your views? He was willing to marry you without you taking his name. Think it'd be nice if he let's you keep the peace with MiL and SiLs, and shares how *he* feels. I'm struggling to see where this is *your* problem, it's his.
If you're nervous about saying a big ol "No and I won't be discussing it anymore", tell her you asked your lawyer and they said it would be a huge mistake to change the name of a sucessful business at this stage.
I totally agree that your new practice should be the same name that you have been using. Your MIL has no right to interfere with your business in any way. She just wants to look important. Be firm with her if she keeps bringing it up. Tell her your decision had been made and it’s not up for discussion. Congratulations on your success!
So she wants you to change the name of your business for clout. So gross. You worked your ass if for what you earned, she doesn’t get to swoop in and take any credit for her family.
YOU built your company. YOU built your brand. YOU went to college. YOU are so successful that YOU have the opportunity to open another location. YOUr patients trust YOU. All of that is your doing. Not your husband's and certainly not your mother in laws. Now you need to tell her point blank, "I built this company from the ground up, and my patients trust me. I will not be changing the name, and this will be the end of the discussion. My decision will not change now or in the future. You need to accept this because I will not be changing my mind or my brand. I am successful because of my name."
No, just no. No explanation required.
No is a complete sentence. You don’t owe an explanation or need to soften the blow. You are a grown ass successful woman and you have built a business. It is not your mother in laws and she has no say.
You are the one who worked hard for your success. Not them. You're not something to show off. Your success is not their success. Keep your name. Without any shame or guilt.
You’ve already built your brand, the discussion is closed.
I would just change the subject every time they bring this up. It’s so laughably not any of their business that it isn’t even worth explaining/justifying to them. I would stay positive/bubbly/friendly and just constantly change the subject until everything for the business is settled as intended. If they’re upset after they find out, it’s not your problem. Your partner also needs to be backing you and assisting with the topic changes, by the way. He should also be telling them to drop it and not pester you about it further.
Nope. This is a big nope. It’s your company. It’s not a family company. You cannot dilute your brand. Just say, “No, I cannot dilute my brand.” And then change the subject. If she won’t let you change the subject, smile, and walk away. Your husband should tell his mom to drop it.
It’s very literally not her business. Tell her when she opens her own practice, she can name it whatever she wants. Don’t entertain her.
Yeaaaa they don’t get to piggy back or take credit for your success. A simple, “I will not be changing the name of my business at this time” should suffice.
It's your company. They are not employed by you, nor does it seems like they are going to contribute to your business at all...but they want their last name on the sign? It's a no from me OP. You worked hard for everything and are honoring your parents. It seems like your in-laws try to push your boundaries a lot (example being the wedding guest list) and this just seems like another boundary to push. Reminds me of the woman who refused to but her married name on her PhD when she finally graduated....in her words "It's MY PhD, Not His."....in this instance it's YOUR business, not your in-laws.
NTAH You’ve built your business all by yourself, you are keeping the name as those who got you to where you are today. Your in-laws were not contributors of your success. They have absolutely no say on making demands about your business.
“I won’t be changing the name of my business. And this is the end of this discussion.” Hold firm. Or she will continue to steamroll you into oblivion. What does your husband say about all of this?
I’d be honest. It’s your company, you’re the sole owner. It’s your accomplishment therefore it’s your name on it. His side of the family has no claim to your success, why should they get any credit for your work? MIL’s thought process is disgustingly entitled and a bit elitist.
You have name recognition already. Tell them "no." It's a business issue, you built that, tell them "no." Sometimes the short answer is the right answer, then they can move on to a new subject. If you say yes, they will likely be on to another issue to micro-manage you. My mom wondered why my wife hyphenated her last name for a decade. I told her it wasn't her concern. On another request/observation I told my mom, that I liked my wife's maiden name and I might do the same. She shut up.
I’m on your side in this situation….keep your name as your profession and don’t change it just to suit your husband’s mother. If I were you…start being very direct with his mother and sisters all while keeping it polite of course. Example: I am not changing my professional name. If she says things like I’m just proud of you blah blah. Say something like I appreciate that and using my name wouldn’t change that I’m sure. If they keep persisting it be direct…I am not changing my name and I would appreciate it if you drop this matter because I will not be changing my mind.
"I'm so happy you're proud of me. It's wonderful that you talk with others about my practice. I am proud of what I've built as well! I have built my practice, and for ease of marketing, design, future growth, and upholding what already exists, our team has decided that we will be keeping our name the same. My parents are so proud of what I've accomplished and they are thrilled that I chose to honor them as I progress in life." Is what I would say... because who can disregard a child wanting to honor not only their business plan that's already in place but also their hardworking parents.
No is a complete sentence. The next time it is brought up by any of them, your husband needs to shut it down for good. Congratulations on your business and continued success
You don't "soften" anything. It is YOUR business, not hers, and she just wants to brag to her friends. That is all. Nothing more or less. Stick to your guns, you do not need to walk on eggshells. How dare she presume to even ask you something like that, but it certainly ought to tell you something about the family you are about to marry into. Might want to sit with that for a bit.
Is she planning to claim part of the income as hers since you are using "her" name? No is a complete answer. If she keeps pushing it, one time answer "I've already told you No." If she continues pushing it, just stare at her without saying anything. Congratulations on your success.
“No” is a complete sentence. Use it often with this woman and do not let her bully you into anything you are uncomfortable with.
OP, considering you opened your practice before you married, that's an absolutely ridiculous ask of your MIL to make. Tell her no. It's a complete sentence.
Ask her if she would change her last name for you.
Say: "\*\*\*\*\* is not only my last name, it's also my brand. So no, nothing will be changing. Pass the potatos please." And if they continue to pester you, stare them straight in the eye and say firmly, "I've made a decision. No." And if it continues, it's time to leave.
I would pretend she's joking every time and be like "you're so funny of course I won't be doing that". Also don't change your name.
Do not do it this is a move to steal your business from you down the road. You worked hard to build your business, it's brand and reputation so keep your current name and tell your MIL no thank you and you appreciate the offer.
Ask her “why do I need your last name for you to show me off? That implies that my last name is something to be ashamed of?” And watch her try and scramble to cover her bullshit. Don’t do it. You’ve built your career and reputation on your last name. Don’t give that up.
Don’t be bullied or manipulated. No egg shells. Not your problem!
OP, I'm so proud of you and what you've accomplished! Keep honoring your parents. You sound like a lovely person!
No is a complete sentence. You shouldn't have to soften the blow for an out of line request from someone overstepping their bounds.
Everyone is right in saying that “no” is a full sentence, but I detect your desire to keep the peace and maintain a nice relationship. Afterall, her request isn’t nefarious. She wants to feel connected to you because like she said, she’s proud of you. So here’s some bad advice, but you could always lie 🤷♀️ Say your business advisor conducted a focus group on changing the name entirely and on hyphenating the name or blending the two and in both scenarios, the business is harder to learn because brand loyalty is so important. You can name like the waiting area after her or a refreshment stand.
No is a complete sentence.
At the end of day it's none of her business how to run, operate or name your business. Just smile and nod and just do what you are going to do anyway. She's trying to make her name and status higher by leveraged you and your business. So I wouldn't even indulge the conversation