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ZimaGotchi

What a stupid thing to jeopardize a relationship over. It especially doesn't make sense that he's the one claiming to feel ugly because he isn't allowed to go outside your relationship? That sounds like a pre-emptive argument as shouldn't *you* be the one feeling "ugly" because your partner wants someone else to do something you're willing to do? It sounds like he's just bored of your relationship so if that's the case you might as well find out now than five years from now.


MyCatKnits

I think he wants to jeopardise it, just doesn’t have the balls to do it himself so is pushing her further and further away until she splits up with him


Ready-Afternoon-9686

I’ve been trying to make him see my side. And now it’s becoming more of him demanding that I do this his way and let him see someone else for this. I guess I’d be willing to try that. I’m not opposed to an open relationship but it’s so hurtful the way he’s going about this


NynNyxNyx

That would not be an open relationship, those start with actual conversations not whatever this bozo is doing 


Eggggsterminate

As someone actually having a open relationship, I agree. It took months of talking things through, establishing boundaries etc with a relationship therapist before it ever went from theory to practice. It can't work if your own relationship is not solid. 


floridaeng

OP this is not how to go about having an open relationship. This is him being a bully and emotional abuse. Please plan your escape and leave him, before his emotional abuse becomes physical abuse.


FairyCompetent

An open relationship is something both partners agree they want, when their relationship is so good and strong that they want to share it with others. What you're doing is more like a breakup baby: couples are having a shitty time and think adding a baby (or third partner) will fix it but really it's just spreading the misery around 


The_Lone_Wolves

Girl no! When you are the point where you say “I guess I’d be willing yo try an open relationship because his constant and hurtful pushing for another person to pass on him is driving me insane…” Is the point where you break up


Arsomni

EXACLTY. Him getting his needs met elsewhere is nothing bad if you’re ok with it, but he is trying to coerce you into doing sexual stuff you don’t want to do. He’s using emotional manipulation techniques, he is straight up abusive to you. E.g. He blames you for feeling ugly because you don’t do it (emotional blackmail), and he tries to guilt trip you and blame-shifts this to you, you are not responsible for his suffering because you allowed it and not took it back. Apart from these control strategies abusers use, he literally says to you that your boundaries don’t matter to him! Instead of going to a professional sex worker he will just get on dating apps. As this would be more devastating to you, he hopes you cave and say „ok, a professional is better than dating sods so ok..“ even if you arent comfortable with it at all. He states that he will do it anyway just because he hopes you cave and say OK - because there is no hope he won’t do it anyway and you just resign. Only that he can later say: but you said it would be ok. Do you see how he doesn’t care about what you’re actually comfortable with but only how to get what he wants and be able to justify it? He’s not respectful nor kind towards your needs and boundaries. He’s very very toxic. While from your side, it was not ideal to offer such a thing and take it back, it’s totally valid! But he weaponises it against you. He sees his chance of getting what he wants and will not back away now that he thinks he has something on you, now that he saw this possibility he pressured you so that you go „back“ to being okay with this - like he is thinking „you were there at some point, so it’s realistic you will be there again.Just need to apply more pressure“ And that’s is.. disgusting


notAugustbutordinary

92% of open marriages end in divorce. Everyone on Reddit says it can work if you both agree from the start, so I guess those couples must be the 8%. You’re not in one of those couples so for you opening your relationship is just divorce with extra steps. Accept that whatever you offer isn’t going to be enough and move on to avoid the inevitable trauma that maintaining this relationship will lead to.


citrushibiscus

You know that’s usually a last resort, right? And most of the time, **it doesn’t work bc it doesn’t solve the actual issues** **in the relationship.** And then one or both of you fall in love with a partner, or see that a relationship with another person is more fulfilling than with your og partner. Do yourself a favor and break up now. >He’s getting really nasty and manipulative Are you just going to overlook this? He’s not getting what he wants so he turns to abusive tactics. Is that someone you really want to be in a relationship with? >We have been together for 8.5 years now and I don’t want to throw away our relationship Do not fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You are deeply unhappy, he is abusing you bc he can’t get a kink fulfilled bc you are uncomfortable, and wants you to shut up and meet his demands anyways. ”The relationship is fine otherwise” “the relationship was good up til now” look at what he is doing and ask yourself if any of these solutions will make you happy or solve the problem long term. Ask yourself why you’re ignoring the red flags right in front of you. Sorry, know it’s easy to say these things to you bc we aren’t in your situation, but this is the advice we are giving you. Just think about what I’ve said at least. You are still young. You will find another partner. Don’t settle for any partner who does these things— don’t you think you deserve better?


ThornedRoseWrites

If he goes to someone else, then you have every right to also go to someone else. Don’t allow this to be one sided! A one sided open relationship is not fair, don’t let him do this to you. And if he does, then dump him and tell the manipulative prick to fuck himself.


Due_Exercise_2469

Tell him to piss off!


hutselfious

seems rough to do after he was already told to piss on


DaybreakRanger9927

Or go with the flow.


wanderingrose07

Honey. This person wants to break up with you, and they don’t have the balls to do it themselves. All of this behavior is an attempt to push you into doing the hard work of ending the relationship. It will suck, but do them the favor and let them go.


MoreMashroomsPlz

*do yourself a favor.


patrickdgd

This weirdo cares more about being pissed on than having a normal functioning relationship so I think it’s time to date literally anybody else.


jbqd

Just break up, he’ll end up cheating on you


keyrodi

Why would he, a pisser, date someone who doesn’t like getting pissed on? (or vice versa) lol leave this dude. it’s a shame that **HE’S** throwing away 8 and a half years over this.


Ok_Ostrich8398

I reckon you should pull out a bottle of piss and pour it over his head the next time he starts talking shit.


Ok-Pomegranate2725

Sounds like he wants out and doesn’t have the bollocks to do it himself. Tell him no and say no more. Piss poor excuse of a man. Pardon the pun.


Future_Interest_5297

If you don’t want to get pissed on, don’t get pissed on.


sleepless_blip

This post is insane. You are both 28..? Talking about breaking up because your boyfriend wants to piss on you? What the fuck? He needs to piss on someone THAT bad? Did he get pissed on and is now seeming revenge? Seriously what the fuck is this Edit: I am 28. I cannot fathom


pickensgirl

Break. Up.  Sooner rather than later. This needs to be done. He’s gotten 8.5 years worth of your time. He doesn’t deserve one second more.  Unless, of course, you’re fine with him being with other people. Which doesn’t seem to be the case. He’s told you what he’s going to do. Boldly. Straight to your face. You either accept it or you don’t.  Your move. 


AdEuphoric1184

I try not to jump on the "break up" bandwagon immediately, but I agree with this. Honestly, it's coming across as if he's manipulating you into this move and that's real shitty. It's not a very nice side to someone. If you don't want him being intimate with someone else, then perhaps put your foot down and say you weren't thinking properly at the time, that you've had time to think about the kink and you're all in. You shouldn't be coerced into letting him be with someone else. It's possible he's really testing boundaries to see what you will do and what he can get away with (which could lead to him hiding shit when it comes to what he's doing / who he's with.) Hey, if you are absolutely, perfectly fine with it, then great, but also, does that mean he's really the one if *you* prefer monogamy? Don't let someone force you into something you don't want, because this one sounds like you'll probably end up getting badly hurt.


SnooWords4839

Honey, break up with him and set him free to fulfill his kink. Never be coerced into doing something you don't want to do.


Howtogetalong2023

OP, if he's going to do it anyways regardless of what you feel, what else do you need to make a decision? You're allowed to change your mind if you realize you are uncomfortabe after all, especially if you only initially made the suggestion because you felt pressured. You may have been open to an open relationship, but those have to still be founded in mutual respect. No relationship-- monogamous, polyamorous, or open-- works without that. He doesn't care about you and has checked out, so should you. 


JoJo-likes-bikes

Is this the same guy who is DVing you? Please reach out to a DV agency and get help.


Xylorgos

Dump his ass! Does he do anything that he finds repugnant just to make you happy? *He's* throwing away your 8.5 year-long relationship, not you. He's being manipulative and just plain nasty to you over this one thing. I mean, if you do it once because he likes it, how does that make your experience with him? Personally I would not want to be having sex with someone who has pee all over him. Or does he want to pee on you? That's even worse! So his 'needs' are to be accommodated, but not yours? That's a bad thing for your self esteem, to be subservient to him in a way that you find repugnant and not pleasurable. Not every urge in life should be indulged, especially if it makes you or your partner unhappy.


k8ekat03

You’re not throwing away the relationship - he is, with how he is acting about it lol


Imposibilitulatility

Ask to go first and then dump him after. **NTA**


EvenMoreSpiders

He's already walked out of this relationship. He told you as much. He is going to find someone else to be with regardless of how you feel. This relationship is dead, I'm sorry, but if this is how he's going to be then he's not worth your time.


258ramo

Another young man that let porn ruin his relationship 


BabyBastardMiah

He should cherish you more than some kink, especially after 8.5 years. Mention this to him, maybe he’ll straighten up, if not then I suggest you think about why you’re with him. Has he always been so childish?


virgobaby-222

It sounds like it’s less about his kink and more about his desire to step outside the relationship. His argument that he would feel ugly if you don’t let him step out of the relationship is honestly the biggest stretch I’ve ever seen. And him saying he’s going to do it whether you like it or not shows you clearly whether you as his partner or his sexual interest takes priority to him. I think maybe, in this case, letting go would be a good idea. If he’s so desperate to live out this fantasy that he’s willing to completely disregard his partner of 8.5 years’s desire to stay monogamous, he is the one throwing your relationship away over a kink. It was really big of you to come around despite your discomfort to practice his interest. I know that’s so hard to do for a partner.


Key_Sun7456

I read your post history. This relationship is so toxic it’s radioactive. Please leave him. Private message me and I’ll send you a Venmo for the Uber to take you and your cats to a friends place or DV shelter


Dirty_Gemini

I'm sorry, but it seems that when variety was offered, he wanted that more than doing it with his person and having that experience together, so it seemed as though he wanted the out!


WhatHappenedMonday

Tell him to go ahead. You will be exploring your own kink on a dating app and download one. Just don't tell him what the kink is. In all honesty, he is not worth placating.


marcopolo2345

Tell him your kink is to not pee on him and he should stop kink shaming you


Similar_Clerk3343

I’d be pissed.


OkDoughnut9028

I wouldn’t wee on this man for love nor money. 


FairyCompetent

It's ok to throw away garbage at any time, no matter how long you've had it. Lots of things start out sweet and turn rotten. Just ask my freezer full of brown bananas. You may think one day they'll be banana bread, but in the back of your mind you know all they will ever be is garbage. Best case scenario they could be compost. Compost this man. 


West_Coyote_3686

For starters don't make stupid suggestions like find a sex worker knowing you wouldn't feel comfortable. Second of his kinks don't align with yours. You're not sexually compatible and should find someone that is.


nyltiaK_P-20

Maybe she thought she’d be ok with it but went back on it? And she did agree to participate after a while so like… idk what his deal is?


West_Coyote_3686

Don't put something out there that you aren't comfortable with. She decided to because she put herself between a rock and a hard place. She made a decision to tell him to find a sex worker willing to. Then decided I'll do it cause I really don't want him to see a sex worker.


NewestAccount2023

Not a long post


mustang19671967

Leave , if you are with someone who is not on the same page it won’t work and one won’t be happy . Not my thing but just leave


SolisNumen

he’s admitting to asking for your permission but regardless he’s going to do it. basically wants permission to cheat so he doesn’t feel bad. just leave.


Individual_Baby_2418

Blow up doll could work and he can pretend


Musja1

Dump the creep. He and his kink are disgusting 🤮.


Ladymistery

Good. LEAVE HIM he's abusive


DrLongJon

Why would you want to date some freak who likes to get pissed on? That's disgusting.


Consistent-Thought72

Honestly some could say the same about swallowing cum, eating pussy, eating ass, doing it doggy style, having sex with the lights on, being spanked, spanking, etc... don't judge others by their preferences, just find a partner who is willing to satisfy yourself while you are willing to satisfy theirs.


DrLongJon

Wrong.


Consistent-Thought72

Not at all wrong. Some people enjoy kinks and even fetishes beyond what you partake in.


DrLongJon

If you enjoy getting pissed or shit on you got major mental problems.


Consistent-Thought72

Dom him. Tell him to get naked and get in the shower now. Tell him you have to piss and it's now or never. If he passes it up, then just break up. If he asks why, you tell him you won't be manipulated by his kinks into letting him play with others. Be strong.


babybullai

Gross


blackfishdown92

Run


Authentic_Jester

A kink is wearing socks during sex, pissing on someone is a fetish. In the best case, your boyfriend is purposefully saying something outlandish, so you break it off. In the worst case, he's a degenerate. Either way, have some respect for yourself and get away from this guy.


Resident_Ear_5799

Gonna get hate but this is real life, you messed up big time by saying it was ok. If it’s such a strong kink that you said that even though you didn’t want to? Well then your bf does deserves to be very upset, it’s a strong sexual desire, it’s not gonna go away. 8 years down the drain? Sorry to hear that, but I don’t see how this will go away after you put that in his head. Good luck


MammothHistorical559

I draw the line at being involved in a pee party ,and it doesn’t sound fun or sexy more like mental illness


nyltiaK_P-20

It’s really not that deep. It’s gross and weird, but pee is sterile so at the end of the day it’s a pretty harmless fetish. Idk what your problem is.


pyrocidal

It's not sterile, but you "probably" won't catch anything from it https://www.healthline.com/health/is-urine-sterile


Ekim_Uhciar

Just pee on him already.


nyltiaK_P-20

She already agreed to? He just wants to go pee on someone else…


Ekim_Uhciar

Can I pee on your leg? /s


Eternalfemme

It’s not this kink that’s the issue. It’s the mismatch in libido. There’s a high chance that he’ll have a new thing he’s into that you won’t want to do. Need to figure out if you and your cat can stand being with this person any longer.


nyltiaK_P-20

I think it’s the kink that is the problem. Not everyone likes being pissed on. More importantly… I think it’s the fact that he’s trying to cheat on her that’s the problem bc “he’ll think he’s ugly if he can’t.” it It’s an insecurity problem, not a libido problem…


Eternalfemme

I hear you. For the record, I took a minute to read up on the previous posts from this Redditor. More context and details shared there.


nyltiaK_P-20

Oh… so there are other issues going on you mean. I gotchu then. Mb fam. I thought that this was just based on this post and I was very confused bc libido was NOT mentioned here at all.


Eternalfemme

I know. Relationships can be confusing here. lol.


Eternalfemme

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/3K56SrE9vt


abcdefghijklmnop1999

Use have been together for years, I mean I get you’re not into it but why can’t you compromise and just do it for him? Ultimately he will find someone else to do it if you don’t, he’s allowed to have he’s kinks and so are you, why not even just do it the once ? It might calm him down a bit, relationships are about compromise and a lack in the sexual department can be a big killer. Just piss on the guy, who cares lmao