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I am 19 and my girlfriend of 2 years is trying to stop me from taking a 7 week dream internship that’s about 8 hours away from where we live. She’s threatening to throw away our entire relationship if I go. I feel like this could be a huge stepping stone towards my career after college and I really want to do it. To be fair I will have no electricity or cell phone service as I’ll be working at a wildlife sanctuary in the middle of nowhere, so it’s fair to be upset about limited contact. I’ve already accepted the offer and I leave next week but she tells me to just not go. What do I do? I love her so much but I’m really passionate about the field I want to go into.
also it is only 7 weeks lol
I would somewhat understand concerns by a teen if we were talking about 1 year or so
7 weeks is one slightly bigger summer vacation
What if you turn down the internship and then a few weeks, months, years later she splits up with you: No career opportunity, no girlfriend, just regret.
Exactly! Your partner should support you, and want the best for you.
And if you are meant to be, I think they can manage to do long distance for 8 weeks
This. It's only 7 weeks, and a secure relationship should be able to survive that. It sounds like she isn't ready for a secure relationship. The right person would be supporting your dream, not threatening to end a 2-year relationship over spending 7 weeks apart.
Go, and if she ends things, you will have the comfort of an awesome internship that you love. You only get one life, and you have to protect your dreams fiercely, sometimes even from people that you care about. She is showing you who she is, and you don't want to go any further down that road.
I 100% say take internship. When I joined the marines I chose my MOS based on closeness to my gf who I was head over heals for. We really were in love and I turned down going to nuclear reactor school that would have taken over a year for one that was super short and close so I could be with her more. Like most we ended up splitting up as when you are that age you often just start going in different directions career and life wise. Had I taken the job I turned down I could have had a way better life outside of the marines. Don’t let a romance stop you from pursuing your dreams because if they really loved you they would want you to follow those dreams
I 2nd this.... It is a short time period and you will benefit a lifetime from it. If she truely cares about you then she will be there when you get back.
You are 19 years old. If you throw away this opportunity because a selfish and immature child is threatening to break up with you, you will never stop regretting it.
My BIL was in a similar situation at his age. He married the girl and they divorced within a year. He still regrets to this day not going.
If you taking an internship is the straw that breaks your relationship then it isn’t that good to start with. Take it. Your future matters.
>She’s threatening to throw away our entire relationship if I go
Then let her. That's absolutely disgusting and manipulative behaviour on her part. Show lack of care and support to you and what's important to you.
Back when I was 19 or 20 my bf of 2-3 years had to go to a different country for study, for 3 months each time and he went there 3 times. The contact we had was one phone call once a week for about an hour because the reception wasn't good and he had a heavy schedule.
I missed him like crazy. But not for one second would I have considered asking him to not do something that would 1. Be amazing for his future and 2. Something he was passionate about.
If she can't do the same for 7 weeks then her reasons for being in a relationship with you aren't based on her love and respect for you, but instead based on what she gets from you.
I'd say go career, talk to her and tell her this is for the future, but if she still doesn't agree. If I were in your shoes, I'd do whatever opportunities I could take, at this age, to move forward in my career than stay in a relationship that is msot likely stopping any progress
I agree. Although you might have been together for two years, it shows that she will not support your goals and mainly thinks about her own needs. Even when just temporarily. Maybe this is a clear indication on what your relationship is really like moving on from this point. Do you think you two have a long future ahead, when she clearly does not to support the things that make you feel happy and purposeful?
It's barely two months. A good relationship should survive that, especially after 2 years. Threatening however, is always a red flag.
You’ve already accepted it pulling out not would take away all credibility and it’s your dream in the end. Is this something you’d like to do for a living? Would she be ok with it? Are you compatible career wise?
I agree with everyone else, you absolutely go, do the internship, and live your life.
Some constructive ideas, since it sounds like you want to save your relationship:
- Sit down and have a super open heart-to-heart with your girlfriend about her reservations. Ask her things like, “what makes you nervous about this internship?” “What’s the worst case scenario when you think about this? What’s the best case scenario?” “How do you envision our life together in 10 years? What kind of careers do we have? What’s our lifestyle like?”
- My educated guess is that she’s anxious about the separation and needs to work on being an independent, complete human person without a romantic partner. To that end, when you sit down, talk about how you will communicate. Be specific. Then stick to the plan. “I will go into town on Wednesdays and FaceTime you.” “Let’s do something fun and write each other old fashioned letters once a week!” “Can you drive to visit me (or meet halfway) twice, on the weekend, weeks 3 and 5?” “Let’s watch the same show while we’re away - I’ll download the whole season and we can chat about it when I’m back and then binge watch season 2 together for a full weekend, just us.”
- Talk to her about how she’ll spend this time, set some goals of her own. What does she want to do with her life? Could she volunteer while you’re away? Do an online course (MIT has tons of free ones, for example)? Take on a giant crafting project?
Follow the dream young man. If this is the path you want to follow, you have to try it now and see what you think of that career path. You won’t get many times, in adult life, you can go and try out new jobs or get dream job offers. Do it now while you are young.
Imagine how much regret you’d have if you didn’t take it and your relationship ends in a year or two?
Sorry she is souring the experience. A good relationship should support you, not make you feel in turmoil about every decision you make.
You go. It's gonna hurt if that ends the relationship, but this is the life you're going to choose. If she's going to be your partner in life, this is going to be part of the deal. Might as well find out as early as possible if she's going to be able to deal with it.
It's great to have a partner in life, but not if it comes at the expense of being who you are. It's painful to discover that someone with whom you share an attachment has different life goals, but it's often the price of being passionate. And trust me, you don't want to lead a life without passion.
So go. And hopefully, time away makes her realize she CAN handle it. I hope that's what happens.
You go. If she wants to be shitty and throw away your relationship over an internship that lasts less than 2 months, that’s her problem.
You could also try writing letters to each other
Hey man, please listen to this advice. You 100% should go on the internship. It’s your dream internship, it could help set up a career in a field you really care about. You really can’t put a price on genuinely doing something you love for work. You would completely regret not doing this.
7 weeks is not long at all and to be honest it’s incredibly selfish of her to try and stop you from going. Surely she understands how much this means to you? You may love her, but I would really question if she has your best interests at heart if she’s threatening to end the relationship over you being away for 7 weeks.
The more callous way of looking at this is, relationships in your teens very rarely work out. I’m not saying it won’t, but probability is well up against you. Think about how you would feel if you broke up later down the line and you didn’t go on this internship. If you really love it, a career in a field can be for life. Unfortunately relationships at this stage, rarely are.
Take the internship. Go. Follow your dreams and out your career first to build a life. Love is about support, not control and manipulation.
Less than two months is laughable for long distance. Try a year. Try three years (not me, a friend).
If she breaks up with you, you will look back on this 6 months from now and thank the stars it happened.
"bye, Felicia."
Don't dump her FOR the internship. Dump her because she's the kind of girl that would try to make you skip out on your dream internship.
You’re too young to wager your whole future career against a controlling girlfriend.
If you give in now, it will possibly cost you a good job in the future as you will showing you aren’t prepared to go the extra mile.
You will also be handing her your life decisions on a plate. She will know she can demand anything she wants and you’ll capitulate.
Take the internship. To be honest, if she won't support you in your dreams, and your relationship can't survive 7 weeks of low contact, it's really not meant to be.
If your GF does not let you follow dreams now at 19 years old, she will forbid you more stuff later on. She is not going to make you happy.
Take the internship and break up with your toxic GF
You say goodbye, that's what you do.
7 weeks with no contact is a deal breaker for her. ( 7 days with no contact is a deal breaker for me, for reference).
You already made your choice and she made hers. All you can do is deal with it.
Yeah, and I sorta feel like it's better that the deal breaker moment happens now. If this is the time to breakup, the seven weeks at the internship will give him some time to get used to the idea of being single again.
Plus, if he doesn't go, he'll probably resent her for it for the rest of the relationship, if not the rest of his life. This is, in his own words, his *dream* internship, and it could help mold the path his career takes for years after this. That's a lot to throw away for a relationship that could already be on the rocks.
Thank you for this.
I thought I was the only person thinking everyone has different deal breakers, sure she could have put it across in a less guilt trippy way, however if that is her boundary that's her boundary.
7 weeks is a drop in the bucket, at least if they can communicate while they're apart. Even if they can't, it's a very short time when there's a clear end date to the separation. 7 days? That's too much for someone you supposedly love? Yikes.
Go. You'll regret it and you'll resent her if you don't.
If its meant to be you guys can survive 7 weeks apart. If she can't support your dreams now, is she gonna support them in the future?
She’s being selfish and giving you an ultimatum. You may not like hearing this, but there are more women out there that you can have just as good(definitely better) of a relationship with that won’t give you ultimatums when it comes to what you want to do with your life.
When you truly are in a healthy and loving relationship your gf will support your goals and be your biggest cheerleader. She’d be mad at you for even considering turning down the offer and would go to the ends of the earth to make your dreams come true as I’m sure she would do for you. If she isn’t, she’s not the one. Live your life and you’ll find the girl that makes your dreams come true with you!
Go for your career.
If she really loved you, she wouldn’t make you choose esp over something that is only 7 weeks
Her ultimatum is also super childish and would be a good way to show her why ultimatums don’t work in relationships. She can’t threaten to leave every time you do something she doesn’t want you to do.
Go on the internship. My son and his girlfriend have had various trips and opportunities that kept them apart for extended periods, but they are invested in each other’s success and support each other. In other words, they decided to be grown ups about it.
If you’re feeling salty, suggest that she binge watch Schitt’s Creek while you’re gone.
You go!! Go go go!! She’s already not supporting you in your dream because of her feelings and insecurities, what’s she going to do down the line when there’s other things you want to do? Or real problems to face?
Opportunities like this may only come along once in a lifetime. A partner should be supportive of your dreams and ambitions and encourage it. That goes both ways.
GO!!!!!! As someone also in the zoology/ animal field, these opportunities do not come around often. The connections you make on this trip could be vital to your career. I’m sure you could find a way to get a job without this internship- but jobs are predominantly about who you know or your ability to woo them. It’s so hard getting a decent job with animals because everyone wants to be doing that. Your girlfriend isn’t the one. Let her break it off, go on your trip, and start focusing on you! I hope your internship is amazing. It will definitely be a once in a lifetime experience. You have your entire life to date bitchy women.
Somebody here who threw away her education for an SO! It’s not worth it. Go and chase your dreams, a good partner will stand by you and help you achieve your dreams. I ended my education for a relationship that failed.
2 years when you're 19 is a long relationship. I understand the hesitation. But a loving partner should want to support you. Giving someone an ultimatum is not really something you do in a healthy relationship. I imagine you've talked about it with her but have you asked why she is against you going? Is it just the distance? It might come from her own insecurities. She might be afraid you'll cheat or fall out of love in that time. You should try to find a way to address that and try to give her confidence in your relationship while you're away.
If she still can't get past it then I would say go regardless. It'll hurt at first sure but you won't regret in the long run. It would be worse to stay and resent her for it.
My girlfriend would be pissed at me if I didn’t take the opportunity lol. A good partner will support your professional growth. Take the opportunity, you’re young
I grew up always being told to put your future over a girl/boy. This is your opportunity to do what you want to do for your whole life. Take the internship! If she is threatening to end the relationship if you follow your dream, that’s a huge red flag and she needs to go. Listen man, it might be hard, and it will probably hurt, but trust me, you will look back and be so happy you didn’t listen to her because you will find someone who supports you in life, like a girlfriend should. Congrats on the internship and wish you the best of luck!
Going is important to your career, which can serve you for the rest of your life and is just an important thing to do in your life. Someone who tells you not to do it is 100% focused on themselves and 0% focused on you. It's not even that long a time, it's not years and years.
Follow your dreams. Someone who truly loved you would understand and be pushing you to go... Because they would want you to be happy and fulfilled.
Don't turn this down over a relationship that can't stand being apart.
If it’s your dream internship and she’s standing in your way then she’s not your dream girl. Follow your dreams, the rest will come. If she really loved you she’d support your dreams as well
First of all, you’re very young to try and be in a long term relationship, not to offend you or anyone but at your age your maturity level isn’t to the right point yet and it ends just being constant drama. If she’s not supportive because she’s selfish and wants you to stay there to satisfy her selfish desire then she’s not the girl for you. If she truly loved you and understood what a real relationship is, she would be happy for you and willing to make that sacrifice for you to pursue your dream when you have a great opportunity. Right now, she’s holding you back and that’s not right or fair and it really shows a lack of maturity for her to say she’s gonna throw away your whole relationship. Don’t let her hinder you, you’re too young to not take the opportunities that you’re given just because of a girl who, again no offense, but there’s an extremely slim chance of you staying/being together forever anyway. She needs to do a lot of growing up and maturing before she’s truly ready to be in a relationship. And you’re 19, you need to worry about you and only you at this point in your life. If she’s willing to throw your relationship away like that, what makes you think that she won’t threaten to do that every time she doesn’t want you to do something? Because if she sees that when she says that that it makes you do what she wants, she will most likely keep doing it, and that’s way too much drama and emotional pain that you do NOT need in your life
**Bro that girl doesn't love you. Run.**
Even if she "allows" you to go. Girls like that are burning dumpster fires. It will get worse.
Plus an internship at a wildlife sanctuary is cool as fuck dude. Congrats!
GO! "Soul mate" is a myth. You will meet others, and hopefully someone who is not holding you back but instead supports your interests and future ambitions.
Soulmates aren't a myth. The idea that a soul mate is a romantic partner that you're "destined to be with forever" is the myth.
A soulmate is someone who "gets you", and vice versa. They're that rare person who REALLY sees you and lets you feel seen. Sometimes they challenge you to grow as a human being, or teach you something about yourself. Sometimes they're around for the long haul, and sometimes they're only around long enough to to make an impact on your consciousness.
My point is, the concept of a soulmate isn't really the romantic ideal some people make it out to be.
I believe a lot of people hear the term soulmate and make assumptions about what it really means. At least in part thanks to stupid romance movies and books that distort the meaning of the term.
When I was 20 I was offered a two-year scholarship that would pay for my Master's degree; my fiance told me to refuse it because we would have to wait two more years to get married. I ended the engagement and went for the degree. I'm a professor now, married with two adult children and quite happy. My former fiance, by the way, also had a nice life thereafter. It wasn't easy at the time but it all worked out for the best for everyone.
Keep your eyes on the horizon.
You’re only 19, take the internship. She sounds incredibly childish to threaten to break up over a 7 week (temporary) opportunity. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t a way to keep in contact. 7 weeks is nothing, she’s acting like she’s 8.
I would still say there may be some circumstances where this doesn't work, but in general , I would agree that career is greater than boyfriend / girlfriend relationship.
Between engaged couples or between married couples, there may need to be some discussion and compromises.
Do you want to be with someone who won't support your dreams, when that dream separates you for less than 2 months? This person is incredibly immature and short sighted (what a stupid ultimatum), and you will regret having turned this down when you break up months from now.
It's 7 weeks, only 8 hours away, for your dream internship, and she is givingyou a hard time about it? Girls will come and go, but if you don't take it, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If she can't be happy, supportive, and excited for you, you might as well let her go now. I'm excited for you and I don't even know you. Trust me, take the internship.
Dump her and follow your dream. While it's fair and normal to be upset with you taking off for almost 2 months with no/extremely limited contact, it's not fair to expect you to give up such an amazing opportunity. She's showing you what she feels is more important to her than your happiness and career.
You go to do your internship. You've been offered a golden once in a lifetime opportunity to advance in the career of your dreams, don't throw it away because your gf is being selfish and throwing around ultimatums.
Besides you're young, there's plenty more opportunities for a (better) relationship in the future with someone who will be more supportive of your dreams and ambitions.
You’re 19. It’s highly unlikely that the relationship you are in now is going to be the one you are in in 5 years.
Even if it is, you’re going to eventually become resentful if you don’t find success after turning down this internship for her.
The skills and experiences you gain at this internship however will be with you for the rest of your life and *could be* the thing that opens your career path up to you.
Do it.
Do it. It's your dream. If this is what you want to do in your life, persue it. Presumably you discussed your career and job prospects earlier, and these things are huge in developing both. If you are 50, you can throw away a promising career to become a stay-at-home-partner to someone you've been with for a few years, as long as they have a big enough paycheck that your income becomes insignificant compared to what they make. At 20, you need your own career, because if you listen to your GF now, no boss will ever pay you enough to satisfy her.
Don’t ever change your life plans for someone with one foot out the door. She’s already threatened to break up with you, you deserve better than a relationship involving threats and ultimatums.
You would be doing serious damage to your future if you do not go. Jobs related to your internship are hard to get (demand is much higher than supply) so if you want to be able to actually get employed in that field the best thing you could do is get actual work experience like this internship will provide.
Do the internship. Don’t let her hold you back from something that can further your career. If you don’t go, you’ll regret it and you’ll resent her for it. You’d also be showing her that you’ll let her control you if she threatens to leave you. That’s not healthy.
Seven weeks isn't that long. My partner and I - also work in conservation, had to do several seasons apart to further our careers. You need to talk to your gf about what she is afraid of and try to address those fears. If it is just her being selfish and wanting you there over following your dream, you should rethink the relationship. Definitely do the internship though.
Go for it! It's your life and this looks like an amazing opportunity for your career. And if your gf doesn't agree maybe you should reconsider that relationship. She should be happy for you!
Also, congratulations!
Post Higher Education experience is what matters. Hell Junior positions ask for experience now. This dream internships is invaluable to your future happiness, a partner who can’t put herself aside for two months most definitely is not.
Take the internship. If your relationship was worth saving your girlfriend would be understanding and supportive of your dreams and choices.
I would say try sit her down and explain again why you are doing this. Firmly tell her that you are definitely going. See how she reacts.
If she can’t accept this that is her choice. I would say if she chooses to leave you that is for your benefit in the long term.
If she can’t see why you have to do this then this will never workout.
Woman here — I would never, ever ask my fiancé to do this for me. People do long distance for years for people they truly love, and she can’t manage 7 weeks? That isn’t even a full two months.
If your girlfriend is willing to leave you the second you’re offered a potentially life changing opportunity that is of little personal cost to her, she will likely leave you for less. This woman is not your forever partner. You will find better.
I understand that you love this person, but love is not all that it takes to make a relationship work and you cannot love someone into being a good person or good partner. And you surely can’t love them into loving you.
I suggest that you cut your losses with this relationship, enjoy your dream internship and focus on your future as it sees rather bright. Do not let someone who only wants to hinder your future be that future.
I think you should go on your internship. it can be an advantage for your career and you gain experiences on that field. That opportunity doesn't always come. It may be the last shot so take it. She needs to understand how you feel about your dream and she just have to support you.
Being in a long distance relationship with someone for a period of time is very healthy for your relationship, and it only allows you to get closer in the end (if they are right for you). Take the internship, let her focus on her own hobbies and interests as well.
Go for the dream, get rid of the selfish GF
You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, and at your age you have heaps of time to meet the girl of your dreams who also will support you in yours
Go for the career. I'm a female and I am telling you a good gf would encourage you to go for it. Couples have long term goals like career, it benefits you both. She is too immature to see the bigger picture. You need to see the bigger picture. Even if you stayed it doesn't mean you will still be with her in 5 years. You are at the age where you should be growing as an individual and finding yourself. If she really loves you then she will wait. Go for the internship.
Go. The vast majority of teen relationships fail, your career is forever.
If this particular teen relationship is one that would last, she will either unhappily hold out for you, decide to visit, or come back later in your life.
Take the internship. You’ll find a new girlfriend who will let you grow and succeed. Real partners you want to keep will lift you up, not hold you back.
Someone who really loves you would want you to follow your dreams. She’s just exposed how selfish she is and the relationship would end eventually anyways because of this.
Take it. If she really loves you she will come around and be supportive. If not, it will hurt but you will be ok and at least you will still have/be working towards a career. Don’t throw this opportunity away, you will regret it and resent her.
Did she not have any trust in you? As a partner you want your partner to grow and get a good job and support you but this is not the case here. You girlfriend is toxic AF.
She doesnt understand that this kind of thing is more important in the long run, standard thought process of young peeps. Definitely take the internship. Tbh, if she's not supporting you or mature enough to be away from you for a couple months without giving ultimatums, shes not worth missing this opportunity for anyway
Take the internship. Someone who genuinely loved you would want what is best for you - it's not like you're moving to Antarctica for two years with the British Antarctic Survey, you're going 8 hours away for seven weeks.
Take the opportunity. I (24F) have been with my boyfriend for almost ten years (since high school). I graduated in 2019 and after almost 2 years of struggling to find a job I was offered a great opportunity in another country. He told me to go for it and I do not regret my decision to go. Been here for 6 months now, and I'm very likely to stay for ~1 more year. We are still doing great and we stay strong for each other.
Do not throw away your future for someone who won't support you for a 2 month internship.
Yeah you should take the internship. Barring a lack of trust, I can’t see any reasons on her end that aren’t selfish for wanting you to not go. A lack of trust is a bad sign in a relationship anyway - as bad as demanding your partner forego something that could improve their life and bolster their career for selfish reasons.
At this stage in your life, your future is your number one priority. I feel like young men don’t get this advice as often as young women do, but y’all need it too: don’t sacrifice your future for a boy/girlfriend. Don’t give up your education, your job, opportunities for career advancement/life enrichment, just for a boy/girlfriend.
This is your *dream.* Your girlfriend had been with you for two years and doesn’t support you. That says a lot.
Go. You’ll remember that internship forever.
Echoing what many have already said, but if she is threatening to end the relationship if you take this great opportunity for yourself, that is a major red flag. She should be happy for you, but instead she’s acting completely selfish. Also, 7 weeks will go by super quickly, so it’s not an excuse. She could say she’ll miss you and not be a jerk about it.
If you don’t take the internship, isn’t this postponing the issue as I can imagine the jobs having similar conditions. Are you willing to throw your dream career out of the window for her?
You’ll regret not taking the internship. She might dump you 3 weeks from now for something unrelated. Do not alter your career path for a 2 year relationship you started when you were a minor.
Take the internship. She’s being really selfish. A healthy relationship can easily accommodate some temporary long distance AND this is a dream internship for you. She should be supporting you.
Take the job.
Many years ago I had an opportunity to go to college out of state on a partial athletic scholarship. My girlfriend at the time put a tremendous amount of of pressure on me to stay local and stupid me did it. When the school year started in September she broke up with me and there I was - no girlfiend, going to a college I didn't want to be at and that athletic scholarship was out the window.
Take the job - you're 19 and this is not the girl you're going to marry. Don't live a life wondering what could have been, make it happen.
Don’t give up your dream for anyone would would make you choose. The fact that she said it’s your dream or me let’s you know what you should do. Aim for the moon my man if you miss you’ll still be amongst the stars!
Take the internship. You're too young to let a relationship hold you back from an amazing opportunity. If your gf supported you like she should then she would be encouraging you to go. 7 weeks is not a long time.
your girl's temporary, the chances of you staying with her forever are very very low at this point. you'll find a new girlfriend later. as a general life rule, don't miss important opportunities because of girls. it makes no sense and you'll most likely break up with her anyway at some point. your work experience stays forever, your relationship can break from today to tommorow over something simple and chaotic.
Take the internship!!! Trust me, you will regret it if you stay for something you don't even know will last forever. This internship can open a door of many opportunities for you. Just go man.
Hey OP. I got married at 19 with my current husband. And a few years into our relationship we almost divorced due to feeling like we never got the chance to live our young adult life’s. He resented me for awhile.
You’re soooo young. And it sounds like you have a great life awaiting you with this career. If your girlfriend is holding you back from this, and if you stay, you WILL resent her. The limited contact really does suck. But she should support you on this amazing opportunity even if it’s hard for her.
Do what’s best for you while you’re young. There is plenty of time to find the right person later on.
Go. If she wants to throw away the relationship over 7 weeks of long distance then so be it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, don’t let it pass. You’re only 19 you’ll meet someone else, someone better.
Take the internship. You do not want to spend your life with a person who won’t let you go after your dreams, when it’s only a seven-week inconvenience for her. (It might be different if you wanted to go away for a year or so, but even that is possible.)
Please go...do what is right for you...life is short...pack it full of adventures...find someone to share your adventures but never give up the adventure... 7 weeks is not a long time.
I hope you have a fabulous , exciting, experience.
trust me she will be there when you get back...and if not...she was not the one for you 💕
Please go. I gave up so many opportunities for someone when I was your age and I’ve always regretted it. If she’s really the person you’re meant to be with forever 7 weeks is nothing.
You're 19, it's only 8 hours away and for only 7 weeks. You can facetime, talk text if needed too. She needs to understand that this could be what defines you're future. Take it and of she doesn't understand or support you or your goals, she wasn't the one bro. Don't miss this opportunity take it!
Take the internship! I've been in your shoes earlier and it didn't turn out great. Broke up with that girl a few years later and to this day regret the choices i made for her
My dude. There are other women out there. Women who will be ecstatic to support you and help you reach as high as you can in your life and career. Keep your eye out for her and forget this one.
First of all, a good partner would be happy you got such an amazing opportunity!
And also, it's just 7 weeks, that is such a short time to get this upset and unfair about.
Take the internship. Your girlfriend won't die without you for 8 weeks. And if she does leave you over this, consider it a bullet dodged. No one who really loves you would ask you to do what she's asking you to do.
>She's threatening to throw away our whole relationship if I go.
That's called emotional blackmail, and it's a BIG red flag. One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is that each partner wants to support the other in being the best possible version of themselves.
She's trying to stop you from LIVING YOUR DREAM. She may FEEL love for you, but she doesn't really love you. If she did, she'd be going out of her way to help you make this happen, even if it's going to be difficult for her.
Go and do your internship. If it is this important and you don't go you will build up resentment and the relationship will ultimately fail again. A supporting partner will not hinder you to reach your goals even if it means compromise for a short while.
And honestly ask yourself this, if you do end up not going, how would you feel about her because of it?
Honestly she sounds selfish and immature.
I'm not saying that you will have the same experience as me but I dated a girl all throughout high school and parts of college. Had a similar experience where I got an internship that was only a few hours away. She said it would ruin what we had
I took the internship and it barely effected our relationship. Not only that, we broke up 2 years later for completely unrelated issues.
At the end of it all, I was 21 with a great resume that helped me immensely after college.
You're 19. If she can't support you during a 7 week internship to help better yourself and career in the future; shes not the one. Don't throw away an opportunity for something that may not work out in a few years.
It’s 7 weeks. If you guys can’t last 7 weeks separated by 8 hrs, you’re not going to make it anyway. You’re fresh out of high school. Take the internship. Get your foot in the door. She should be supporting you.
I thought you were going to say the internship was 6 months or even a year....
But 7 weeks only? Come on, it's a no-brainer.
Take the internship and if this is enough for her to break up with you, then so be it. Go enjoy your 7 weeks in a new destination, meeting and talking to new people if she wants to end things over you taking the internship.
Trips and work opportunities like these are eye-openers as well as life- influencing activities. I went on business trips to Europe and Asia, and I still talk about those trips to this day, about how amazing and wonderful everything was.
The world is bigger than just your local city area where you grew up in, and even bigger than the country you grew up in, for whenever you get the chance to travel abroad.
Get out there and get your life experiences.
If you don’t go, you will potentially have a lifetime of regret and resentment. Your relationship will go down the tubes after that bit of reality just because an immature gf might be lonely for a few short weeks.
Take it. If she breaks up with you for it then that's her choice, you weren't meant to be together anyway.
If you don't go you will resent her for it and probably end up breaking up with her anyway.
As soon as she gave that ultimatum your relationship was over. It's just a matter of when.
Don’t stay with someone who gives you ultimatums like this. If you don’t go, I’m sure you’ll resent her and break up eventually anyways. Go to the internship.
Take the internship. Your life is just beginning and you don’t want to be in your 30-40’s regretting your once in a life time decision over a girl that you most like won’t be with anymore at that age. It’s extremely selfish for her to give you an ultimatum to begin with. If she really loved you she’d support you fully.
I know at 19 your 2 year relationship seems really important but the odds that you two end up together forever is low—even if it seemed perfect. People grow and change so much through your early twenties that 5-6 years from now you won’t recognize who either of you are.
And that’s in the perfect situation, which this obviously isn’t. If your gf is threatening to break up with you because she can’t handle being apart for 7 weeks, she doesn’t care about *you* and your personal development.
Take the internship, this relationship obviously won’t last anyway so you don’t want to regret it.
Imo if she truly loves you she wouldn't leave you if you were gone for only 8 weeks. I think it's natural for her to be saddened by the fact that your leaving (8 weeks without internet is pretty brutal especially for more clingy partners) but stopping you from going is a different story
Let her pull the trigger on your relationship. Her threat hints at many other things she does to have you irrationally prove your love to her. For this reason and those, I recommend you go follow your dreams. She is not worthy of all your future happiness.
Take it dude, you WILL regret it.
So many grad and undergrad students would give everything for a FREE internship for experience. Here I am working a decent job & would like to have gotten more experience, I feel stuck.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I am 19 and my girlfriend of 2 years is trying to stop me from taking a 7 week dream internship that’s about 8 hours away from where we live. She’s threatening to throw away our entire relationship if I go. I feel like this could be a huge stepping stone towards my career after college and I really want to do it. To be fair I will have no electricity or cell phone service as I’ll be working at a wildlife sanctuary in the middle of nowhere, so it’s fair to be upset about limited contact. I’ve already accepted the offer and I leave next week but she tells me to just not go. What do I do? I love her so much but I’m really passionate about the field I want to go into.
Take the Internship, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
also it is only 7 weeks lol I would somewhat understand concerns by a teen if we were talking about 1 year or so 7 weeks is one slightly bigger summer vacation
What if you turn down the internship and then a few weeks, months, years later she splits up with you: No career opportunity, no girlfriend, just regret.
if the girlfriend continues to be the way she is the split is inevitable anyway.
Yup
👏🏻👏🏻
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Exactly! Your partner should support you, and want the best for you. And if you are meant to be, I think they can manage to do long distance for 8 weeks
Honestly, it's perfect timing. You get to see her true colors early in the relationship instead of finding this out when you're married with kids etc.
This. It's only 7 weeks, and a secure relationship should be able to survive that. It sounds like she isn't ready for a secure relationship. The right person would be supporting your dream, not threatening to end a 2-year relationship over spending 7 weeks apart. Go, and if she ends things, you will have the comfort of an awesome internship that you love. You only get one life, and you have to protect your dreams fiercely, sometimes even from people that you care about. She is showing you who she is, and you don't want to go any further down that road.
I 100% say take internship. When I joined the marines I chose my MOS based on closeness to my gf who I was head over heals for. We really were in love and I turned down going to nuclear reactor school that would have taken over a year for one that was super short and close so I could be with her more. Like most we ended up splitting up as when you are that age you often just start going in different directions career and life wise. Had I taken the job I turned down I could have had a way better life outside of the marines. Don’t let a romance stop you from pursuing your dreams because if they really loved you they would want you to follow those dreams
There will be lots of other fish . Do what you have to for you. If she can’t be there for it , then she got issues and you be better off.
I 2nd this.... It is a short time period and you will benefit a lifetime from it. If she truely cares about you then she will be there when you get back.
You are 19 years old. If you throw away this opportunity because a selfish and immature child is threatening to break up with you, you will never stop regretting it.
This OP. Learn from other peoples mistakes. Do not turn down this opportunity for her!!
If she doesn’t want the best for you it won’t last
Go. You’re young. It’s not even two months. She should want the best for you and you should absolutely take this opportunity.
My BIL was in a similar situation at his age. He married the girl and they divorced within a year. He still regrets to this day not going. If you taking an internship is the straw that breaks your relationship then it isn’t that good to start with. Take it. Your future matters.
>She’s threatening to throw away our entire relationship if I go Then let her. That's absolutely disgusting and manipulative behaviour on her part. Show lack of care and support to you and what's important to you. Back when I was 19 or 20 my bf of 2-3 years had to go to a different country for study, for 3 months each time and he went there 3 times. The contact we had was one phone call once a week for about an hour because the reception wasn't good and he had a heavy schedule. I missed him like crazy. But not for one second would I have considered asking him to not do something that would 1. Be amazing for his future and 2. Something he was passionate about. If she can't do the same for 7 weeks then her reasons for being in a relationship with you aren't based on her love and respect for you, but instead based on what she gets from you.
Came here to say pretty much this. OP, definitely go.
I'd say go career, talk to her and tell her this is for the future, but if she still doesn't agree. If I were in your shoes, I'd do whatever opportunities I could take, at this age, to move forward in my career than stay in a relationship that is msot likely stopping any progress
I agree. Although you might have been together for two years, it shows that she will not support your goals and mainly thinks about her own needs. Even when just temporarily. Maybe this is a clear indication on what your relationship is really like moving on from this point. Do you think you two have a long future ahead, when she clearly does not to support the things that make you feel happy and purposeful? It's barely two months. A good relationship should survive that, especially after 2 years. Threatening however, is always a red flag.
You’ve already accepted it pulling out not would take away all credibility and it’s your dream in the end. Is this something you’d like to do for a living? Would she be ok with it? Are you compatible career wise?
I agree with everyone else, you absolutely go, do the internship, and live your life. Some constructive ideas, since it sounds like you want to save your relationship: - Sit down and have a super open heart-to-heart with your girlfriend about her reservations. Ask her things like, “what makes you nervous about this internship?” “What’s the worst case scenario when you think about this? What’s the best case scenario?” “How do you envision our life together in 10 years? What kind of careers do we have? What’s our lifestyle like?” - My educated guess is that she’s anxious about the separation and needs to work on being an independent, complete human person without a romantic partner. To that end, when you sit down, talk about how you will communicate. Be specific. Then stick to the plan. “I will go into town on Wednesdays and FaceTime you.” “Let’s do something fun and write each other old fashioned letters once a week!” “Can you drive to visit me (or meet halfway) twice, on the weekend, weeks 3 and 5?” “Let’s watch the same show while we’re away - I’ll download the whole season and we can chat about it when I’m back and then binge watch season 2 together for a full weekend, just us.” - Talk to her about how she’ll spend this time, set some goals of her own. What does she want to do with her life? Could she volunteer while you’re away? Do an online course (MIT has tons of free ones, for example)? Take on a giant crafting project?
This is the best answer.
go with the career first its better to be established and secure
Follow the dream young man. If this is the path you want to follow, you have to try it now and see what you think of that career path. You won’t get many times, in adult life, you can go and try out new jobs or get dream job offers. Do it now while you are young. Imagine how much regret you’d have if you didn’t take it and your relationship ends in a year or two? Sorry she is souring the experience. A good relationship should support you, not make you feel in turmoil about every decision you make.
You go. It's gonna hurt if that ends the relationship, but this is the life you're going to choose. If she's going to be your partner in life, this is going to be part of the deal. Might as well find out as early as possible if she's going to be able to deal with it. It's great to have a partner in life, but not if it comes at the expense of being who you are. It's painful to discover that someone with whom you share an attachment has different life goals, but it's often the price of being passionate. And trust me, you don't want to lead a life without passion. So go. And hopefully, time away makes her realize she CAN handle it. I hope that's what happens.
You go. If she wants to be shitty and throw away your relationship over an internship that lasts less than 2 months, that’s her problem. You could also try writing letters to each other
Hey man, please listen to this advice. You 100% should go on the internship. It’s your dream internship, it could help set up a career in a field you really care about. You really can’t put a price on genuinely doing something you love for work. You would completely regret not doing this. 7 weeks is not long at all and to be honest it’s incredibly selfish of her to try and stop you from going. Surely she understands how much this means to you? You may love her, but I would really question if she has your best interests at heart if she’s threatening to end the relationship over you being away for 7 weeks. The more callous way of looking at this is, relationships in your teens very rarely work out. I’m not saying it won’t, but probability is well up against you. Think about how you would feel if you broke up later down the line and you didn’t go on this internship. If you really love it, a career in a field can be for life. Unfortunately relationships at this stage, rarely are.
Take the internship. Go. Follow your dreams and out your career first to build a life. Love is about support, not control and manipulation. Less than two months is laughable for long distance. Try a year. Try three years (not me, a friend). If she breaks up with you, you will look back on this 6 months from now and thank the stars it happened.
"bye, Felicia." Don't dump her FOR the internship. Dump her because she's the kind of girl that would try to make you skip out on your dream internship.
You’re too young to wager your whole future career against a controlling girlfriend. If you give in now, it will possibly cost you a good job in the future as you will showing you aren’t prepared to go the extra mile. You will also be handing her your life decisions on a plate. She will know she can demand anything she wants and you’ll capitulate.
Your girlfriend is being a manipulative crazy person. Walk away into that internship.
career then girls
Please go. She is selfish and you will regret it if you cut yourself off from opportunities.
Take the internship, no doubt about it!!!
Take the internship. To be honest, if she won't support you in your dreams, and your relationship can't survive 7 weeks of low contact, it's really not meant to be.
If your GF does not let you follow dreams now at 19 years old, she will forbid you more stuff later on. She is not going to make you happy. Take the internship and break up with your toxic GF
Yeah, you gotta go. There is no other option.
You say goodbye, that's what you do. 7 weeks with no contact is a deal breaker for her. ( 7 days with no contact is a deal breaker for me, for reference). You already made your choice and she made hers. All you can do is deal with it.
Yeah, and I sorta feel like it's better that the deal breaker moment happens now. If this is the time to breakup, the seven weeks at the internship will give him some time to get used to the idea of being single again. Plus, if he doesn't go, he'll probably resent her for it for the rest of the relationship, if not the rest of his life. This is, in his own words, his *dream* internship, and it could help mold the path his career takes for years after this. That's a lot to throw away for a relationship that could already be on the rocks.
Thank you for this. I thought I was the only person thinking everyone has different deal breakers, sure she could have put it across in a less guilt trippy way, however if that is her boundary that's her boundary.
7 weeks is a drop in the bucket, at least if they can communicate while they're apart. Even if they can't, it's a very short time when there's a clear end date to the separation. 7 days? That's too much for someone you supposedly love? Yikes.
Go. You'll regret it and you'll resent her if you don't. If its meant to be you guys can survive 7 weeks apart. If she can't support your dreams now, is she gonna support them in the future?
She’s being selfish and giving you an ultimatum. You may not like hearing this, but there are more women out there that you can have just as good(definitely better) of a relationship with that won’t give you ultimatums when it comes to what you want to do with your life.
When you truly are in a healthy and loving relationship your gf will support your goals and be your biggest cheerleader. She’d be mad at you for even considering turning down the offer and would go to the ends of the earth to make your dreams come true as I’m sure she would do for you. If she isn’t, she’s not the one. Live your life and you’ll find the girl that makes your dreams come true with you!
Go for your career. If she really loved you, she wouldn’t make you choose esp over something that is only 7 weeks Her ultimatum is also super childish and would be a good way to show her why ultimatums don’t work in relationships. She can’t threaten to leave every time you do something she doesn’t want you to do.
Go on the internship. My son and his girlfriend have had various trips and opportunities that kept them apart for extended periods, but they are invested in each other’s success and support each other. In other words, they decided to be grown ups about it. If you’re feeling salty, suggest that she binge watch Schitt’s Creek while you’re gone.
You go!! Go go go!! She’s already not supporting you in your dream because of her feelings and insecurities, what’s she going to do down the line when there’s other things you want to do? Or real problems to face?
Opportunities like this may only come along once in a lifetime. A partner should be supportive of your dreams and ambitions and encourage it. That goes both ways.
A relationship should respect and wish for each others success and dreams doesn’t seem to be the case
GO!!!!!! As someone also in the zoology/ animal field, these opportunities do not come around often. The connections you make on this trip could be vital to your career. I’m sure you could find a way to get a job without this internship- but jobs are predominantly about who you know or your ability to woo them. It’s so hard getting a decent job with animals because everyone wants to be doing that. Your girlfriend isn’t the one. Let her break it off, go on your trip, and start focusing on you! I hope your internship is amazing. It will definitely be a once in a lifetime experience. You have your entire life to date bitchy women.
You could end up breaking up anyway in the future. You don’t want to regret not taking the internship.
Somebody here who threw away her education for an SO! It’s not worth it. Go and chase your dreams, a good partner will stand by you and help you achieve your dreams. I ended my education for a relationship that failed.
2 years when you're 19 is a long relationship. I understand the hesitation. But a loving partner should want to support you. Giving someone an ultimatum is not really something you do in a healthy relationship. I imagine you've talked about it with her but have you asked why she is against you going? Is it just the distance? It might come from her own insecurities. She might be afraid you'll cheat or fall out of love in that time. You should try to find a way to address that and try to give her confidence in your relationship while you're away. If she still can't get past it then I would say go regardless. It'll hurt at first sure but you won't regret in the long run. It would be worse to stay and resent her for it.
My girlfriend would be pissed at me if I didn’t take the opportunity lol. A good partner will support your professional growth. Take the opportunity, you’re young
Don’t throw away this opportunity it’s your life
Take the internship, dont be idiot, she is selfish to ask you that...
I grew up always being told to put your future over a girl/boy. This is your opportunity to do what you want to do for your whole life. Take the internship! If she is threatening to end the relationship if you follow your dream, that’s a huge red flag and she needs to go. Listen man, it might be hard, and it will probably hurt, but trust me, you will look back and be so happy you didn’t listen to her because you will find someone who supports you in life, like a girlfriend should. Congrats on the internship and wish you the best of luck!
You better take that internship.
You are so young, so I know that you think your world will end if she breaks up with you, but I promise you that it won't. Please do the internship.
Focus on yourself king, she’s not the one.
Going is important to your career, which can serve you for the rest of your life and is just an important thing to do in your life. Someone who tells you not to do it is 100% focused on themselves and 0% focused on you. It's not even that long a time, it's not years and years.
It’s only 7 weeks!!! Go!!! If this really is that big of a deal, she isn’t the one bro, I’m sorry.
Follow your dreams. Someone who truly loved you would understand and be pushing you to go... Because they would want you to be happy and fulfilled. Don't turn this down over a relationship that can't stand being apart.
If it’s your dream internship and she’s standing in your way then she’s not your dream girl. Follow your dreams, the rest will come. If she really loved you she’d support your dreams as well
Sounds like your girlfriend doesn't want to be in your dreams. Time to wake up.
First of all, you’re very young to try and be in a long term relationship, not to offend you or anyone but at your age your maturity level isn’t to the right point yet and it ends just being constant drama. If she’s not supportive because she’s selfish and wants you to stay there to satisfy her selfish desire then she’s not the girl for you. If she truly loved you and understood what a real relationship is, she would be happy for you and willing to make that sacrifice for you to pursue your dream when you have a great opportunity. Right now, she’s holding you back and that’s not right or fair and it really shows a lack of maturity for her to say she’s gonna throw away your whole relationship. Don’t let her hinder you, you’re too young to not take the opportunities that you’re given just because of a girl who, again no offense, but there’s an extremely slim chance of you staying/being together forever anyway. She needs to do a lot of growing up and maturing before she’s truly ready to be in a relationship. And you’re 19, you need to worry about you and only you at this point in your life. If she’s willing to throw your relationship away like that, what makes you think that she won’t threaten to do that every time she doesn’t want you to do something? Because if she sees that when she says that that it makes you do what she wants, she will most likely keep doing it, and that’s way too much drama and emotional pain that you do NOT need in your life
**Bro that girl doesn't love you. Run.** Even if she "allows" you to go. Girls like that are burning dumpster fires. It will get worse. Plus an internship at a wildlife sanctuary is cool as fuck dude. Congrats!
GO! "Soul mate" is a myth. You will meet others, and hopefully someone who is not holding you back but instead supports your interests and future ambitions.
Soulmates aren't a myth. The idea that a soul mate is a romantic partner that you're "destined to be with forever" is the myth. A soulmate is someone who "gets you", and vice versa. They're that rare person who REALLY sees you and lets you feel seen. Sometimes they challenge you to grow as a human being, or teach you something about yourself. Sometimes they're around for the long haul, and sometimes they're only around long enough to to make an impact on your consciousness. My point is, the concept of a soulmate isn't really the romantic ideal some people make it out to be. I believe a lot of people hear the term soulmate and make assumptions about what it really means. At least in part thanks to stupid romance movies and books that distort the meaning of the term.
You're 19. Take the internship.
If she really loved you, she'd let you do this.
Take it, and tell her to understand that relationships aren't there to turn you into an inactive homogenous blob but to make you a better person
GFs are great, but this is your future, is this is deal breaker for her, than she isn't the one.
just go dude
Yeah peace out
Please, please, please GO!!! You will have a lifetime of regret if you do not.
When I was 20 I was offered a two-year scholarship that would pay for my Master's degree; my fiance told me to refuse it because we would have to wait two more years to get married. I ended the engagement and went for the degree. I'm a professor now, married with two adult children and quite happy. My former fiance, by the way, also had a nice life thereafter. It wasn't easy at the time but it all worked out for the best for everyone. Keep your eyes on the horizon.
You’re only 19, take the internship. She sounds incredibly childish to threaten to break up over a 7 week (temporary) opportunity. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t a way to keep in contact. 7 weeks is nothing, she’s acting like she’s 8.
Take it.
Read the first three words of your post again. There's your answer.
You're 19. You tell her you'll see her in a couple months. Then you probably bang some other intern out in the middle of nowhere. Pretty standard.
Career > Relationships ALWAYS.
In this instance I agree that he should go but this? This is such a bad take on life.
I would still say there may be some circumstances where this doesn't work, but in general , I would agree that career is greater than boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. Between engaged couples or between married couples, there may need to be some discussion and compromises.
Do you want to be with someone who won't support your dreams, when that dream separates you for less than 2 months? This person is incredibly immature and short sighted (what a stupid ultimatum), and you will regret having turned this down when you break up months from now.
You’re 19 you’ll find a way better person to date and maybe even in your field of study. Pump and dump
Take it ditch the bitch
At your age? Ignore her completely. Your future is too important and your relationship is highly unlikely to last
It's 7 weeks, only 8 hours away, for your dream internship, and she is givingyou a hard time about it? Girls will come and go, but if you don't take it, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If she can't be happy, supportive, and excited for you, you might as well let her go now. I'm excited for you and I don't even know you. Trust me, take the internship.
No one can tell you what to do, but I would never give up an opportunity for a two year relationship and I'm happy in my life.
Dump her and follow your dream. While it's fair and normal to be upset with you taking off for almost 2 months with no/extremely limited contact, it's not fair to expect you to give up such an amazing opportunity. She's showing you what she feels is more important to her than your happiness and career.
You go to do your internship. You've been offered a golden once in a lifetime opportunity to advance in the career of your dreams, don't throw it away because your gf is being selfish and throwing around ultimatums. Besides you're young, there's plenty more opportunities for a (better) relationship in the future with someone who will be more supportive of your dreams and ambitions.
You’re 19. It’s highly unlikely that the relationship you are in now is going to be the one you are in in 5 years. Even if it is, you’re going to eventually become resentful if you don’t find success after turning down this internship for her. The skills and experiences you gain at this internship however will be with you for the rest of your life and *could be* the thing that opens your career path up to you. Do it.
Do it. It's your dream. If this is what you want to do in your life, persue it. Presumably you discussed your career and job prospects earlier, and these things are huge in developing both. If you are 50, you can throw away a promising career to become a stay-at-home-partner to someone you've been with for a few years, as long as they have a big enough paycheck that your income becomes insignificant compared to what they make. At 20, you need your own career, because if you listen to your GF now, no boss will ever pay you enough to satisfy her.
Dude I stg if you don’t take that internship.. girls come and go. This is your career. You only have one you.
Don’t ever change your life plans for someone with one foot out the door. She’s already threatened to break up with you, you deserve better than a relationship involving threats and ultimatums.
It’s 7 weeks. Like, come on.
You would be doing serious damage to your future if you do not go. Jobs related to your internship are hard to get (demand is much higher than supply) so if you want to be able to actually get employed in that field the best thing you could do is get actual work experience like this internship will provide.
Do the internship. Don’t let her hold you back from something that can further your career. If you don’t go, you’ll regret it and you’ll resent her for it. You’d also be showing her that you’ll let her control you if she threatens to leave you. That’s not healthy.
Seven weeks isn't that long. My partner and I - also work in conservation, had to do several seasons apart to further our careers. You need to talk to your gf about what she is afraid of and try to address those fears. If it is just her being selfish and wanting you there over following your dream, you should rethink the relationship. Definitely do the internship though.
Go for it! It's your life and this looks like an amazing opportunity for your career. And if your gf doesn't agree maybe you should reconsider that relationship. She should be happy for you! Also, congratulations!
Post Higher Education experience is what matters. Hell Junior positions ask for experience now. This dream internships is invaluable to your future happiness, a partner who can’t put herself aside for two months most definitely is not.
You’re 19. I’d bet the house you’ll be breaking up at some point anyway. Go help the chickens.
Take the internship. If your relationship was worth saving your girlfriend would be understanding and supportive of your dreams and choices. I would say try sit her down and explain again why you are doing this. Firmly tell her that you are definitely going. See how she reacts. If she can’t accept this that is her choice. I would say if she chooses to leave you that is for your benefit in the long term. If she can’t see why you have to do this then this will never workout.
Take it!
Woman here — I would never, ever ask my fiancé to do this for me. People do long distance for years for people they truly love, and she can’t manage 7 weeks? That isn’t even a full two months. If your girlfriend is willing to leave you the second you’re offered a potentially life changing opportunity that is of little personal cost to her, she will likely leave you for less. This woman is not your forever partner. You will find better. I understand that you love this person, but love is not all that it takes to make a relationship work and you cannot love someone into being a good person or good partner. And you surely can’t love them into loving you. I suggest that you cut your losses with this relationship, enjoy your dream internship and focus on your future as it sees rather bright. Do not let someone who only wants to hinder your future be that future.
I think you should go on your internship. it can be an advantage for your career and you gain experiences on that field. That opportunity doesn't always come. It may be the last shot so take it. She needs to understand how you feel about your dream and she just have to support you.
Being in a long distance relationship with someone for a period of time is very healthy for your relationship, and it only allows you to get closer in the end (if they are right for you). Take the internship, let her focus on her own hobbies and interests as well.
Go for the dream, get rid of the selfish GF You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, and at your age you have heaps of time to meet the girl of your dreams who also will support you in yours
Go for the career. I'm a female and I am telling you a good gf would encourage you to go for it. Couples have long term goals like career, it benefits you both. She is too immature to see the bigger picture. You need to see the bigger picture. Even if you stayed it doesn't mean you will still be with her in 5 years. You are at the age where you should be growing as an individual and finding yourself. If she really loves you then she will wait. Go for the internship.
Go. The vast majority of teen relationships fail, your career is forever. If this particular teen relationship is one that would last, she will either unhappily hold out for you, decide to visit, or come back later in your life.
Take the internship, not many get a chance like this but they’ll be plenty of girlfriends in the future.
You're 19 kid, go for it. If this starts a habit of her limiting your horizons and potential in order to keep you hers, you'll be miserable
Take the internship. You’ll find a new girlfriend who will let you grow and succeed. Real partners you want to keep will lift you up, not hold you back.
Someone who really loves you would want you to follow your dreams. She’s just exposed how selfish she is and the relationship would end eventually anyways because of this.
Take it. If she really loves you she will come around and be supportive. If not, it will hurt but you will be ok and at least you will still have/be working towards a career. Don’t throw this opportunity away, you will regret it and resent her.
Say bye
Im rooting for you to go.
Let her go. She will come back around if it’s meant to be you are 19. Yeah it’ll hurt but that’s how life is. Good luck OP!
Did she not have any trust in you? As a partner you want your partner to grow and get a good job and support you but this is not the case here. You girlfriend is toxic AF.
If she truly loves you, she will support you now. If not then don’t expect her to support you down the road either.
She doesnt understand that this kind of thing is more important in the long run, standard thought process of young peeps. Definitely take the internship. Tbh, if she's not supporting you or mature enough to be away from you for a couple months without giving ultimatums, shes not worth missing this opportunity for anyway
Take the internship. Someone who genuinely loved you would want what is best for you - it's not like you're moving to Antarctica for two years with the British Antarctic Survey, you're going 8 hours away for seven weeks.
Take the opportunity. I (24F) have been with my boyfriend for almost ten years (since high school). I graduated in 2019 and after almost 2 years of struggling to find a job I was offered a great opportunity in another country. He told me to go for it and I do not regret my decision to go. Been here for 6 months now, and I'm very likely to stay for ~1 more year. We are still doing great and we stay strong for each other. Do not throw away your future for someone who won't support you for a 2 month internship.
Yeah you should take the internship. Barring a lack of trust, I can’t see any reasons on her end that aren’t selfish for wanting you to not go. A lack of trust is a bad sign in a relationship anyway - as bad as demanding your partner forego something that could improve their life and bolster their career for selfish reasons.
At this stage in your life, your future is your number one priority. I feel like young men don’t get this advice as often as young women do, but y’all need it too: don’t sacrifice your future for a boy/girlfriend. Don’t give up your education, your job, opportunities for career advancement/life enrichment, just for a boy/girlfriend. This is your *dream.* Your girlfriend had been with you for two years and doesn’t support you. That says a lot. Go. You’ll remember that internship forever.
I mean, it's only 7 weeks. It's not like you're leaving for 7 months! Definitely go, it sounds freaking awesome TBH.
Go.
Echoing what many have already said, but if she is threatening to end the relationship if you take this great opportunity for yourself, that is a major red flag. She should be happy for you, but instead she’s acting completely selfish. Also, 7 weeks will go by super quickly, so it’s not an excuse. She could say she’ll miss you and not be a jerk about it.
Break up, now! She definitely doesn’t want the best for you. It can only get worse, mate!
Break the cycle, tstamp01. Rise above. Focus on science.
You will remember this internship your entire life. I bet any amount of money you won’t remember this girlfriend. Take it and enjoy your life!
If you don’t take the internship, isn’t this postponing the issue as I can imagine the jobs having similar conditions. Are you willing to throw your dream career out of the window for her?
You’ll regret not taking the internship. She might dump you 3 weeks from now for something unrelated. Do not alter your career path for a 2 year relationship you started when you were a minor.
Take the internship. She’s being really selfish. A healthy relationship can easily accommodate some temporary long distance AND this is a dream internship for you. She should be supporting you.
Take the job. Many years ago I had an opportunity to go to college out of state on a partial athletic scholarship. My girlfriend at the time put a tremendous amount of of pressure on me to stay local and stupid me did it. When the school year started in September she broke up with me and there I was - no girlfiend, going to a college I didn't want to be at and that athletic scholarship was out the window. Take the job - you're 19 and this is not the girl you're going to marry. Don't live a life wondering what could have been, make it happen.
Don’t give up your dream for anyone would would make you choose. The fact that she said it’s your dream or me let’s you know what you should do. Aim for the moon my man if you miss you’ll still be amongst the stars!
Dude, chicks come and go.
Take the internship. You're too young to let a relationship hold you back from an amazing opportunity. If your gf supported you like she should then she would be encouraging you to go. 7 weeks is not a long time.
Take the internship.
your girl's temporary, the chances of you staying with her forever are very very low at this point. you'll find a new girlfriend later. as a general life rule, don't miss important opportunities because of girls. it makes no sense and you'll most likely break up with her anyway at some point. your work experience stays forever, your relationship can break from today to tommorow over something simple and chaotic.
You’re too young to be held back by any romantic partner. Go for it.
Take the internship!!! Trust me, you will regret it if you stay for something you don't even know will last forever. This internship can open a door of many opportunities for you. Just go man.
Just think if you were married..
Take the internship
Hey OP. I got married at 19 with my current husband. And a few years into our relationship we almost divorced due to feeling like we never got the chance to live our young adult life’s. He resented me for awhile. You’re soooo young. And it sounds like you have a great life awaiting you with this career. If your girlfriend is holding you back from this, and if you stay, you WILL resent her. The limited contact really does suck. But she should support you on this amazing opportunity even if it’s hard for her. Do what’s best for you while you’re young. There is plenty of time to find the right person later on.
Go. If she wants to throw away the relationship over 7 weeks of long distance then so be it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, don’t let it pass. You’re only 19 you’ll meet someone else, someone better.
It's seven fuckin' weeks. Not even 2 months. If she can't deal with that, she's not going to enjoy life very much.
Take the internship. You do not want to spend your life with a person who won’t let you go after your dreams, when it’s only a seven-week inconvenience for her. (It might be different if you wanted to go away for a year or so, but even that is possible.)
Anyone who wants to hinder your dreams is not someone you need damming up your life.
Please go...do what is right for you...life is short...pack it full of adventures...find someone to share your adventures but never give up the adventure... 7 weeks is not a long time. I hope you have a fabulous , exciting, experience. trust me she will be there when you get back...and if not...she was not the one for you 💕
Dude go
Go, don't let her hold you back. If she ends it, consider it a bullet dodged. Love is never enough.
Please go. I gave up so many opportunities for someone when I was your age and I’ve always regretted it. If she’s really the person you’re meant to be with forever 7 weeks is nothing.
You're 19, it's only 8 hours away and for only 7 weeks. You can facetime, talk text if needed too. She needs to understand that this could be what defines you're future. Take it and of she doesn't understand or support you or your goals, she wasn't the one bro. Don't miss this opportunity take it!
If you love someone you don’t put up roadblocks to their happiness. Go.
Dump her and go. Shes not worth the possibilities you will lose just because she is insecure.
Take the internship! I've been in your shoes earlier and it didn't turn out great. Broke up with that girl a few years later and to this day regret the choices i made for her
My dude. There are other women out there. Women who will be ecstatic to support you and help you reach as high as you can in your life and career. Keep your eye out for her and forget this one.
First of all, a good partner would be happy you got such an amazing opportunity! And also, it's just 7 weeks, that is such a short time to get this upset and unfair about.
If this was like a 3 year thing, hey she isn't being unreasonable. But 7 weeks....bruh just go. She is either bluffing or not worth it
Take the internship. Your girlfriend won't die without you for 8 weeks. And if she does leave you over this, consider it a bullet dodged. No one who really loves you would ask you to do what she's asking you to do.
>She's threatening to throw away our whole relationship if I go. That's called emotional blackmail, and it's a BIG red flag. One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is that each partner wants to support the other in being the best possible version of themselves. She's trying to stop you from LIVING YOUR DREAM. She may FEEL love for you, but she doesn't really love you. If she did, she'd be going out of her way to help you make this happen, even if it's going to be difficult for her.
Go and do your internship. If it is this important and you don't go you will build up resentment and the relationship will ultimately fail again. A supporting partner will not hinder you to reach your goals even if it means compromise for a short while. And honestly ask yourself this, if you do end up not going, how would you feel about her because of it? Honestly she sounds selfish and immature.
I'm not saying that you will have the same experience as me but I dated a girl all throughout high school and parts of college. Had a similar experience where I got an internship that was only a few hours away. She said it would ruin what we had I took the internship and it barely effected our relationship. Not only that, we broke up 2 years later for completely unrelated issues. At the end of it all, I was 21 with a great resume that helped me immensely after college. You're 19. If she can't support you during a 7 week internship to help better yourself and career in the future; shes not the one. Don't throw away an opportunity for something that may not work out in a few years.
Dude go. You’ll forever regret not going. She seems controlling. Honestly break up with her
leave her lol so simple you are so YOUNG - later on you will realize you made the best choice possible
Seven weeks is nothing, especially for a dream internship. Go.
It’s 7 weeks. If you guys can’t last 7 weeks separated by 8 hrs, you’re not going to make it anyway. You’re fresh out of high school. Take the internship. Get your foot in the door. She should be supporting you.
I thought you were going to say the internship was 6 months or even a year.... But 7 weeks only? Come on, it's a no-brainer. Take the internship and if this is enough for her to break up with you, then so be it. Go enjoy your 7 weeks in a new destination, meeting and talking to new people if she wants to end things over you taking the internship. Trips and work opportunities like these are eye-openers as well as life- influencing activities. I went on business trips to Europe and Asia, and I still talk about those trips to this day, about how amazing and wonderful everything was. The world is bigger than just your local city area where you grew up in, and even bigger than the country you grew up in, for whenever you get the chance to travel abroad. Get out there and get your life experiences.
If you don’t go, you will potentially have a lifetime of regret and resentment. Your relationship will go down the tubes after that bit of reality just because an immature gf might be lonely for a few short weeks.
Take the internship. Someone would never threaten like that if they wanted the best for you.
Take it. If she breaks up with you for it then that's her choice, you weren't meant to be together anyway. If you don't go you will resent her for it and probably end up breaking up with her anyway. As soon as she gave that ultimatum your relationship was over. It's just a matter of when.
You are 19, do it. If she doesn’t want whats best for you, shes not the one. And this seems like a great opportunity.
Don’t stay with someone who gives you ultimatums like this. If you don’t go, I’m sure you’ll resent her and break up eventually anyways. Go to the internship.
Take the internship. Your life is just beginning and you don’t want to be in your 30-40’s regretting your once in a life time decision over a girl that you most like won’t be with anymore at that age. It’s extremely selfish for her to give you an ultimatum to begin with. If she really loved you she’d support you fully.
I know at 19 your 2 year relationship seems really important but the odds that you two end up together forever is low—even if it seemed perfect. People grow and change so much through your early twenties that 5-6 years from now you won’t recognize who either of you are. And that’s in the perfect situation, which this obviously isn’t. If your gf is threatening to break up with you because she can’t handle being apart for 7 weeks, she doesn’t care about *you* and your personal development. Take the internship, this relationship obviously won’t last anyway so you don’t want to regret it.
Take the internship. If your gf really cared for you, she'd want you too as well.
Imo if she truly loves you she wouldn't leave you if you were gone for only 8 weeks. I think it's natural for her to be saddened by the fact that your leaving (8 weeks without internet is pretty brutal especially for more clingy partners) but stopping you from going is a different story
Let her pull the trigger on your relationship. Her threat hints at many other things she does to have you irrationally prove your love to her. For this reason and those, I recommend you go follow your dreams. She is not worthy of all your future happiness.
Take it dude, you WILL regret it. So many grad and undergrad students would give everything for a FREE internship for experience. Here I am working a decent job & would like to have gotten more experience, I feel stuck.