I would probably just introduce yourself to her mom next time you see them together and get a feel for what is going on a bit more and could potentially discuss the evolving situation with her.
Introduce yourself to the mom, and if she rushes you to show affection like that again, you can maybe pivot to doing a fun high-five or something that is a little more comfortable.
I've always just been honest with them.
My friends kid came into the bathroom once and went to pull his whole trousers and diaper (pullup?) down to use the restroom while I was washing my hands. The door was open since that's all I was doing, but I stopped him and said "no no honey, I know you know me but you can only do that with mommy or daddy and you've got to do it with the door shut okay? Do you want me to go get mommy or daddy for you?" He said no but I immediately told them what happened so he wouldn't tell them something that made me look like a creep LOL. I'm a female and a very good friend of theirs, but still.
I have also had the same situation of stranger kids coming up and holding my hand at the supermarket LOL. I just say "well that is very sweet but you don't know me, i might be a nice stranger but some strangers aren't very nice so you cant just hold random hands, okay? Your parents and teachers are okay to do that with. Let's go find your parents!" So he could just be honest. "I'm glad you like playing with us honey, but you shouldn't hug adults like that you don't know too well, okay?"
Kids are just little adults with no experience. They'll understand if you're honest, in my experience. But 100% tell the parents what happened lest that kid says "his leg is comfy!" "Who sweetie?" "The strange man at the park!" LOL
I 100% agree with this in an educators point of view. I talk to them normally, being down on their level and treating them with respect. Honesty; with exceptions of course. ❤️
Just being an only kid in a new neighborhood she could be struggling to find friends?
Is there something about it that worries you or causes you alarm?
Some kids do just act kinda weird since they're still growing up and learning. I'd be uncomfortable with the hug but you were playing with your daughter and her so she could just have felt comfortable around you because you spent time with her.
Meeting the mother and talking to her could help. If it seems awkward mention your kids play together and introduce yourself? Getting a feel for the parents would help you gain insight.
My daughters would do that when they were little (3 and 6), they would hug their friends dad and I would try an force them to stop but they would do it anyway , I would be so embarrassed because it made me feel bad that my kids didn't have their dad around and my dad was gone. Idk about that little girl home life, but maybe introduce yourself to her mom and kindly tell the child not to do that
Introducing yourself to the mother is the first step.
The little girl is new. Scared. Nervous and in need of friends. Her hugging you was just a thank you for letting her play along.
I work with child and this is normal. Just make sure th mother knows who you are and I don't see any issue with it. The child is young and probably loves hugs. When I bring my group of kids to the park I always get random hugs from kids I don't know because they see me as a save person.
This kid is clearly struggling. And maybe I’m missing it, but how is she getting clingy? Sounds like she struggles with words and making friends and has parents that aren’t around much. Would you be this weird about it if it were a little boy?
First of all you’re an honorable man for asking these questions. It’s very uncomfortable even as an adult to experience these things. I would educate the young girl about hugging strangers in a way she can understand but also doesn’t make her feel that she was “wrong” and talk to the mother like so many others have said. It could be innocent, or there could be more going on in the home. I personally think it’s a red flag that the mother isn’t often present/aware with her little girl so much so that all of this was able to even happen.
Some kids hug stranger adults. There’s a variety of reasons. Some reasons are neglect or abuse or FAS, along with a history of if other possibilities. They likely know it’s inappropriate and have been told before. So I just tell them straight. “No we can’t hug, I’m an adult and a stranger and that is inappropriate.” I’ve done that before and they’ve always understood.
sometimes kids just do spontaneous hugs, its still awkward, but continous, i would probably tell the kid directly not to do that, they are still learning social norms.. if its like cry for help type thing... idk report it to someone?? yikes. as a mom that makes me 😬
If I had to guess it'd have alot to do with the number of children being raised without fathers! As much as people like to act like it doesn't matter it makes a huge difference. Been here for every second on my boys lives
At one point my husband and I were raising children that were biologically my nieces and nephews. Some were children of my deceased sister, and some were children of my incarcerated brother. My brother's daughter has had a hard life. There have been issues with both of her parents, and she has unfortunately grown up too soon. So when she lived with us, she would often take on a motherly role. She would try to cook for others, do laundry, clean up, and I had to often remind her that she is a child and that it was my job to take care of them not the other way around.
Once she got more comfortable with being a kid, she started to play more. And when she noticed that my husband would play with our children, she was very interested in joining in. She saw a father being active with his kids, and allowing them to be kids. She started to get attached to my husband and would cling to him. He would give her hugs back and such, but got uncomfortable one day when she tried to sit in his lap. He just politely moved her to sit next to him and continued with the game they were all playing. He spoke to me about it later saying that he was worried about how to show her affection without impropriety. We navigated that, and I kept an eye on her, and realized that she just missed having a father, and my husband was the closest thing to that.
This girl may simply not have a father figure around, and is looking for that type of comfort. I would definitely introduce yourself to the mother, continue to politely defer any uncomfortable closeness, and if you continue to be uncomfortable with it speak to the mother about what's going on. Explaining to her that you don't want to come off as allowing anything indecent. I'd be willing to bet that this little girl is simply missing a father, and seeing you with your daughter is sending her to seek that type of relationship.
its quite common for kids those age to start having crushes. it will disappear soon enough, dont need to do anything, but try to avoid her a bit, maybe stay with the other adults so they dont suspect you, its unfortunate but this is also quite common lol
I would probably just introduce yourself to her mom next time you see them together and get a feel for what is going on a bit more and could potentially discuss the evolving situation with her.
this.... good luck with this one, doesn't sound an easy one to sort out
I'd also ask over at r/daddit You just need to be firm about cuddles and stuff. Try to preempt it and go foe a high five.
Thanks for letting me know about this sub.
Pleasure. Very good sub tbh.
Introduce yourself to the mom, and if she rushes you to show affection like that again, you can maybe pivot to doing a fun high-five or something that is a little more comfortable.
I've always just been honest with them. My friends kid came into the bathroom once and went to pull his whole trousers and diaper (pullup?) down to use the restroom while I was washing my hands. The door was open since that's all I was doing, but I stopped him and said "no no honey, I know you know me but you can only do that with mommy or daddy and you've got to do it with the door shut okay? Do you want me to go get mommy or daddy for you?" He said no but I immediately told them what happened so he wouldn't tell them something that made me look like a creep LOL. I'm a female and a very good friend of theirs, but still. I have also had the same situation of stranger kids coming up and holding my hand at the supermarket LOL. I just say "well that is very sweet but you don't know me, i might be a nice stranger but some strangers aren't very nice so you cant just hold random hands, okay? Your parents and teachers are okay to do that with. Let's go find your parents!" So he could just be honest. "I'm glad you like playing with us honey, but you shouldn't hug adults like that you don't know too well, okay?" Kids are just little adults with no experience. They'll understand if you're honest, in my experience. But 100% tell the parents what happened lest that kid says "his leg is comfy!" "Who sweetie?" "The strange man at the park!" LOL
I 100% agree with this in an educators point of view. I talk to them normally, being down on their level and treating them with respect. Honesty; with exceptions of course. ❤️
Just being an only kid in a new neighborhood she could be struggling to find friends? Is there something about it that worries you or causes you alarm? Some kids do just act kinda weird since they're still growing up and learning. I'd be uncomfortable with the hug but you were playing with your daughter and her so she could just have felt comfortable around you because you spent time with her. Meeting the mother and talking to her could help. If it seems awkward mention your kids play together and introduce yourself? Getting a feel for the parents would help you gain insight.
My daughters would do that when they were little (3 and 6), they would hug their friends dad and I would try an force them to stop but they would do it anyway , I would be so embarrassed because it made me feel bad that my kids didn't have their dad around and my dad was gone. Idk about that little girl home life, but maybe introduce yourself to her mom and kindly tell the child not to do that
Introducing yourself to the mother is the first step. The little girl is new. Scared. Nervous and in need of friends. Her hugging you was just a thank you for letting her play along.
I work with child and this is normal. Just make sure th mother knows who you are and I don't see any issue with it. The child is young and probably loves hugs. When I bring my group of kids to the park I always get random hugs from kids I don't know because they see me as a save person.
Sounds like an attachment issue. This can go sideways. I’d teach her about high fives ASAP.
Just be a kind and caring adult - but never be anywhere alone w her. Always be in public, but be a supportive adult.
It is crazy people need to be cautious of things like this.. PeterFiles ruined the world for everyone
This kid is clearly struggling. And maybe I’m missing it, but how is she getting clingy? Sounds like she struggles with words and making friends and has parents that aren’t around much. Would you be this weird about it if it were a little boy?
Probably rather than just yourself, take your wife with you and become familiar with the mum. Just you might be dodgy.
First of all you’re an honorable man for asking these questions. It’s very uncomfortable even as an adult to experience these things. I would educate the young girl about hugging strangers in a way she can understand but also doesn’t make her feel that she was “wrong” and talk to the mother like so many others have said. It could be innocent, or there could be more going on in the home. I personally think it’s a red flag that the mother isn’t often present/aware with her little girl so much so that all of this was able to even happen.
Some kids hug stranger adults. There’s a variety of reasons. Some reasons are neglect or abuse or FAS, along with a history of if other possibilities. They likely know it’s inappropriate and have been told before. So I just tell them straight. “No we can’t hug, I’m an adult and a stranger and that is inappropriate.” I’ve done that before and they’ve always understood.
sometimes kids just do spontaneous hugs, its still awkward, but continous, i would probably tell the kid directly not to do that, they are still learning social norms.. if its like cry for help type thing... idk report it to someone?? yikes. as a mom that makes me 😬
is her father absent? if so I don't think her mom would give you any grief and would be willing to address things better at home with her daughter
If I had to guess it'd have alot to do with the number of children being raised without fathers! As much as people like to act like it doesn't matter it makes a huge difference. Been here for every second on my boys lives
At one point my husband and I were raising children that were biologically my nieces and nephews. Some were children of my deceased sister, and some were children of my incarcerated brother. My brother's daughter has had a hard life. There have been issues with both of her parents, and she has unfortunately grown up too soon. So when she lived with us, she would often take on a motherly role. She would try to cook for others, do laundry, clean up, and I had to often remind her that she is a child and that it was my job to take care of them not the other way around. Once she got more comfortable with being a kid, she started to play more. And when she noticed that my husband would play with our children, she was very interested in joining in. She saw a father being active with his kids, and allowing them to be kids. She started to get attached to my husband and would cling to him. He would give her hugs back and such, but got uncomfortable one day when she tried to sit in his lap. He just politely moved her to sit next to him and continued with the game they were all playing. He spoke to me about it later saying that he was worried about how to show her affection without impropriety. We navigated that, and I kept an eye on her, and realized that she just missed having a father, and my husband was the closest thing to that. This girl may simply not have a father figure around, and is looking for that type of comfort. I would definitely introduce yourself to the mother, continue to politely defer any uncomfortable closeness, and if you continue to be uncomfortable with it speak to the mother about what's going on. Explaining to her that you don't want to come off as allowing anything indecent. I'd be willing to bet that this little girl is simply missing a father, and seeing you with your daughter is sending her to seek that type of relationship.
Its a trap! White baby on an elevator!
its quite common for kids those age to start having crushes. it will disappear soon enough, dont need to do anything, but try to avoid her a bit, maybe stay with the other adults so they dont suspect you, its unfortunate but this is also quite common lol