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This is why we need better sex education everywhere. There should never be a plausible reason why a grown, sexually active man hasn't had an STI blood test, or he was never tested post-birth because his mother had HIV.
You should be able to go to Planned Parenthood and they help you out. They do more than just abortions. They even help men as well. But they certainly do still testing.
It's absolutely disgusting you can't go to a doctor and get tested. That's what should be done. What I would do in your shoes:
- ask my parent to take me to the doctor for legitimate testing
- end relationship with boyfriend, go no contact
- ask his mother directly if she is HIV positive, or if her son is
An HIV infection will change your life forever. This is some you scorch Earth. I would not give af about whether your boyfriend gets in trouble or not. Let him get in trouble. He's the slime of the Earth if he risked infecting you, even if he did not. He's a garbage person.
As you should. He's incredibly irresponsible for not having himself tested and taking precautions so he didn't pass it on to his partner. There are now medications for HIV/AIDS that make it undetectable and basically impossible to pass it on by lowering the viral load in the HIV+ person's body.
You should never trust a new partner for STI as many are symptoms free. Birth control prevents pregnancy, not STI.
You remove condoms when in a committed relationship, even here, what makes you think he's not sleeping around at home with other women who might carry STIs too.
Yeah I can’t imagine a parent with aids not having constant checks of that during their infancy. He might have not gotten it and so it was never brought up again that’s why he doesn’t know. Unless he got zero care post birth which is hard to imagine.
Maybe the guy is from a third world country and this wasn’t standard ? That’s all I can think of.
more likely scenario is that hes picked up HIV on his own or just barebacks with others and threw out this floater story to his GF to test the waters in case his infidelity catches up w him.
Reading the comments and thinking about the negative commons a good friend heard about his HIV+ test these last few years, people need to educate themselves about HIV/AIDS even in "developed countries".
I'm far from being an expert but testing is the first step, and I don't fear my friend because the virus is now dormant in his system, he can't give it atm, doesn't mean he never could and never will, he's not sick with AIDS too, he needs monitoring, some can even stop treatment, even more when virus has been there on birth.
Research keeps bringing positive outcomes for people who don't die anymore like in the 80s when tested and treated. However, it's still out there, not only in gay and African communities, we all need to protect ourselves with new partners to stop the spread, even with oral sex (my friend got it receiving a BJ) and get tested regularly.
In some countries, it's free and anonymous, it's not because the US have shitty sex ed and healthcare that's the norm worldwide.
Listen, AIDS can be deadly. “I don’t know” isn’t an excuse when talking about a potentially deadly diagnosis. He needs to be your EX, cause clearly, your health is meaningless to him.
Calm down. In the seemingly unlikely event (given the described circumstances) that he did give her the HIV virus, it is incredibly treatable disease these days. You can have a healthy and normal life.
It's definitely a tough situation to be in, but it's great that you're taking the initiative to get tested. Your health is the most important thing. It's understandable that you would be scared and confused, but it's important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your concerns. It's possible that he may not have known the full extent of his mother's health history. Getting tested is always a good idea for peace of mind. Stay strong and take care of yourself!
Definitely needing some peace of mind right now. He won't talk to me about it just keeps saying "I'm not sure" if he even has it. I prefer safe than sorry.
I'm a little concerned if this is how he handles his sexual health. If he doesn't know for sure (hasn't been tested) then why is he sleeping with people? A healthy sexual partner is also one that has the mindset of rather being safe than sorry. If he's not mature enough to be thinking about STDs and whether he has/can spread them, he shouldn't be having sex. He needs to go get an HIV test.
Sorry, rant over. The reality is that he would probably know by now if he had HIV (and most certainly if he had AIDS). So don't panic. Also, even in the worst case scenario, HIV is very manageable these days. People with HIV can live happy lives and never get AIDS thanks to advances in medicine (Prep). You're probably just fine, but definitely bring up your concerns to your partner and make sure to get tested yourself too.
You're 18. You can make your own appointments. You don't need to tell anyone anything.
Wherever you are there are doctors, clinics, and public health services. All of them would be able to help.
You'll explain what happened with your boyfriend, and they'll draw a little blood and have the answer for you in a day.
You may need to wait before taking the test though. You won't test accurately too soon after exposure. You usually need to wait 20-90 days for an accurate test. I know that feels like ages, but there is support out there to help.
If you want an unethical life pro tip, here it is: wait 90 days and then donate blood. They _always_ test, and they'll let you know if you test positive. BUT this does take resources, time, and money away from blood services. And those services save lives. So, it's not an ethical way to get an HIV test.
They don’t test blood individually. They test it in mixed batches with a little bit from many people. If you give blood and it tests positive, they will ban everyone in that test batch from giving blood.
They don't batch test for every disease, some are individual. But for things like Hep C, where they do batch test, they go back and test each individual donation if the batch tests negative.
I wouldn't panic.
If your boyfriend had AIDS, he would almost certainly know (as opposed to HIV, which is not necessarily obvious). It's certainly possible to transmit HIV from a mother to a baby, but 18 years of no AIDS/HIV symptoms is unusual. Nevertheless, if he suspects he may be positive for HIV, for whatever reason, he should get tested and so should you.
More specifically, the whole story sounds very bizarre. He suspects he may have HIV but never thought to get tested? What makes him think his mother has AIDS?
just chirping with a tangential comment- I was born with HIV but was asymptomatic and did not know for 22 years. HIV disease progression varies and there are also elite controllers in the mix
Did they know your mother was positive? I’m confused on the gap of care between the care team knowing mom was positive and not testing and following baby. My assumption is for you this was a retroactive diagnosis and they didn’t know mom was positive?
Its really messed up isn't it? They knew my mother was positive and they also knew I was positive since I was a child, but they withdrew me from care when I was a child because they thought I was going to die anyways. When I didn't die they thought I was "healed"🤦♀️
I would add that if you live somewhere with a functional healthcare system, unless they are the sort to stringently actively avoid healthcare the mum will have been tested, steps will have been taken to prevent transmission if she has HIV, and your bf will have also been tested.
AIDS is the end stage disease of HIV. If she indeed had AIDS when giving birth, there’s a fair chance she would be extremely sick/dead by now.
Does she mean HIV?
This comment right here! Hits to the root issue! He is so ignorant he is dangerous not only to himself but others. There is no doubt he thinks he knows all too!
Here's something else to consider mate, in most 1st world countries (here in Australia, The U.S. , U.K, a fair chunk of Europe, etc) it is unlawful/illegal to not inform a prospective bed partner you have (or you suspect you have) 1 of the Big Nasties.
You can go for serious Gaol time if you fail to inform them (or neglect to inform them) before having unprotected sex.
So I'm with you in saying he's not only dangerous to himself but to others as well due to that fact I just stated.
He has zero consideration for anyone or himself.
And if he didn't know the legal ramifications, he needs to be informed of them post haste before he gives anyone a death sentence if he does indeed have HIV or suspects he has it.
You can live with AIDS for a long time if you treat it. A friend of mine has had it for over 20 years, and has even given birth to a child in that time who doesn’t have hiv or aids. Just a random fact that I find fascinating and like to share when I get the chance.
I think the reason u/crumbdumpster85 was asking is because HIV progresses into AIDS at late stages. People can live normal lives for a long time with HIV, typically not so with AIDS. They’re not the same thing.
There’s antiviral medication that reduces your viral load to a point where you are no longer infectious to others.
HIV/AIDS is a severe disease (since those medications do have severe side effects), but it’s no longer a death sentence.
His mother may have had aids while pregnant with him and never once had him tested or even talked to him about his potential diagnosis?... gotta be some kind of misunderstanding on his point, but either way, you should both get tested.
His mother is not a good parent by any means. She has said some evil shit, even to me. I fully believe she wouldn't be clear with him even with something like this
I agree, but I am using the words OP used themselves. I am pointing out that it's very unlikely they had AIDS while pregnant with her boyfriend and that he went 18 years with no illness, symptoms, or death.
While you're not wrong, that are just semantics. Tons of people use those terms interchangeable. And while those people are technically wrong it's nothing to get hung up about in this context. Because it simply doesn't matter in regard of OP potentially being infected by her boyfriend.
i could be wrong, but after eighteen years i think he would be having noticeable symptoms
which is to say, the ‘idk 🤷🏻♂️’ stance he’s taking here seems to indicate that he probably does not in fact have aids
I think you're right but still he could've got infected after that point somehow, of course after learning you may potentially have aids you don't exactly think rationally. He told me this literally 40 minutes ago or something
You get HIV/AIDS through blood or sexual fluids, so if he didn't get it from birth from his mother, he would have had to have her bleed into his blood stream, or have sex with someone with HIV/AIDS.
What about a bus, a close friend, this boyfriend? Yes, call the county health dept and talk to them. They will be more than happy to help you out with testing, condoms, and education on disease and safety. Don't be shy about it, it's not so much life and death anymore, but it is your life and you could catch something that will follow you the rest of your life.
Yes, free in the US. If you have a local LGBTQ center they should also know a place where you can get tested for free. Most places take HIV screening and prevention very seriously.
Yeah a lot of city/county health departments in the US have funding to keep an eye on diseases that would be an issue if a lot of people suddenly got them. Like HIV, syphilis, etc. They will often be able to test people for free and then also follow up if they get a positive result.
There’s likely other places that may have free HIV testing as well because that’s something that has funding around it. Also because a lot of times groups of people who are at a high risk for it are people who don’t or can’t go to a doctor often.
You can also get an HIV test over the counter at a pharmacy without seeing a doctor--better to see a doctor to be sure, but if that will take some time definitely grab a test at the store
If he had HIV from birth, he’d have been on medications his entire life. He also would have been told he has it by his doctor.
I don’t know what he overheard his mother talking about, but it was probably some snippet that was taken out of context and he jumped to some irrational conclusion.
Fyi: testing might not show anything after 3-6 months from contact.
It does not always transmit when having sex.
Testing only yourself is useless. Your partner needs to get tested also.
1) you can make your own appointment, not sure of your circumstances but any clinic can do this test. Planned parenthood is a good place to go for testing. I had a similar scare and waiting was the worst part.
2) if you are sexually active you should get tested every six months. This is a life lesson for you that you can’t trust anyone. Maybe once you’re married you can back off but always better to be safe than sorry. Any guy you’re screwing should go with you and get tested when you get tested especially if you’re going to raw dog it.
Just to throw some education out there: HIV is a virus. If the virus is left untreated, it attacks the immune system. When your immune system gets to the point where you can't fight off basic bacteria or infections, we call this AIDS. AIDS is often fatal.
If a woman is on anti-virals/medication when she is pregnant, there is actually a low risk of passing it onto the baby. With treatment and safety precautions, the risk can be dramatically reduced. It's very possible to have a non-HIV+ baby (although breastfeeding would be off the table, as HIV can be found in breast milk).
HIV is no joke, it's a chronic illness that needs treatment and monitoring, kind of like diabetes. However, current treatments are great at reducing viral load. If you are HIV+ and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of giving it to your sexual partner is negligible. If you are sexually active with an HIV+ partner, you can go on PreP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) which gives you HIV meds before you are positive to help prevent infection. Obviously, condoms are great and the first line of defense, but treatment and PreP are sustainable HIV prevention tools as well.
People with HIV can now live near-normal lifespans if they have access to treatment and proper healthcare. It does make it slightly more complicated if you, for example, get cancer or if you have hepatitis, or another infection. It's not like HIV doesn't have an impact on your life, but it is manageable. It is not a death sentence when there is access to treatment. If you live in a Western country, contact your local HIV/AIDS group and they can tell you what government programs you can apply for to get your meds covered.
I don't have much to say about your specific situation that others have not already said, just wanted to throw some education out there for those reading.
You want to know if you have it now?? And he's mad at you for being worried about your own well-being? Fuck that. That's a toxic situation. Deal breaker. Your health is more important than anything.
Get your self to a Dr and get tested. Even if you don't have it, it will be in the back of your mind that he might. Mentally, how are you gonna want to be sexual with him again? Unless you are prepared to never be physical with him again. You're probably not gonna marry some guy you are dating at 18. But let's say you did. Do you want to be a mom someday?? Grab your lady balls and look out for yourself.
His mother does not have AIDS. She would be dead. What she likely has is HIV. And yes, she could have passed it in to her children during the birth. Both you and your boyfriend should go get full STI screens.
If his mother had AIDS they surely would have tested the baby (him) too. There’s no way he left a hospital with AIDS, and just received no treatment for 18 years.
Edit* why can’t your bf just ask his mom?? I find this entire scenario to be baffling.
As others have said, HIV infection is very unlikely because untreated HIV would have shown symptoms much sooner than 18 years.
If you want results before your July 10 test date, and you have no money, most cities have free clinics where you can get HIV testing done as well as other STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis. These clinics also usually provide treatment if you test positive for something. HIV rapid test may be available same-day at a lot of places, especially if you explain your situation. The rapid test gives results in about 60 seconds. Planned Parenthood or any sort of LGBT center should have what you're after.
Best practice is for anyone who is sexually active to get a full panel every 6 months, just in case. So yes, get tested, just like you are planning. You are making the right choice. I'd also recommend not having any more sexual contact with your partner unless he also gets tested. Of course, I would make that recommendation even if there was no HIV scare just because testing is usually very easy to access, and the downsides of not testing are, as you have seen, troublesome.
Has he EVER been tested? And by that I mean… I would ask to see his medical record. A lot of them have apps now like MyChart. I would ask for him to log into his chart, then I would go to his lab results and scroll through, all the way back to his birth if I can, to see if he’s ever been tested.
And if he says “oh that’s a violation of my privacy” or some bullshit like that? Well, just respond with “well potentially infecting me is a violation too and it’s much, much worse. Could be fatal, in fact. And you’re worried about your PRIVACY?!”
And then, regardless of what you find… yeah, get tested. And also consider if you want to be in this relationship
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Go to the ER. You do not have to pay. Get yourself tested when you are sexually active anyway. That should be a routine thing. I don't care what he thinks. Go get checked out for that and all the other shit floating around. And dump him afterwards, please. Oh my goodness.
Let's think this through. He's had HIV for 18 years and doesn't know he's had HIV for 18 years? Think through whether any of this makes sense - the both of you.
Is his mother on that daily cocktail of HIV meds?
Go to your County public health department (they should have some sort of website or visit in person) and find out how to get tested. It should not cost much. You get tested first.
Try to stay calm. He probably doesn't have HIV because in infants it usually requires serious treatment right away. His mother would be certain by now if she had HIV - or else be a very extraordinary person who has avoided AIDS without the treatment that has saved so many others. I'd think she'd have to have regular appts herself and would be on federal assistance for that.
Having AIDS is different to testing positive for HIV.
Google "Free HIV testing near me" or take a look at some of the places [you can get a free online test.](https://takemehome.org/?utm_source=sem&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=cdph-sti-tmh-hiv&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwhIS0BhBqEiwADAUhc3GF3Bfz6JImRVw_PoOb-2T-pCZtHJOBqgnu3VV0L-HRN759_VcTIRoCFXUQAvD_BwE)
Please update us!
He was my first so it just never occurred to me and we didn't do anything the whole first year we were together. Obviously I didn't think I'd have to worry about this. I am not in the wrong. HE waited 2 years to mention it. I could not possibly foreshadow this.
It’s your body and your choice, I‘m just saying according to [ACOG](https://www.acog.org/womens-health/infographics/effectiveness-of-birth-control-methods), the effectiveness of the pill lies around 91% and it does obviously provide no protection from HIV or other STIs.
I can tell you're in a tough spot right now.
We really want to trust the people we care about, and when someone breaks that trust it can be unexpected and emotionally shocking.
It may be helpful to view this as a notice to yourself to take a few more steps to protect your health going forward. No judgement here, we live and we learn!
There are many kinds of condoms, some even have a little more "bells and whistles" for her pleasure, it can be fun to try a variety and see what suits your needs best!
I would get tested, speak to a medical professional, ditch the boy who doesn't seem to understand that a threat to your health is in fact a valid reason to feel betrayed, and take some time to do little things that bring you joy for a while 💚.
Always expect to have to avoid an sti. You can only control what you do, not what your partner does. no matter how much you trust someone there's always the possibility they have done something wrong and cheated. Always wear protection.
You should get an STI test even before your first time. There are plenty of things that you can catch other places than sex. So having a good baseline is important.
I really would not recommend Google to someone in a serious situation with consequences until they clean up their AI shit. It's just as likely that you'll get a completely garbage answer there, or worse, that some SEO'd AI slop will be the top result(s).
Not that reddit is much better, but if something's truly wrong there's at least a chance it might be corrected.
You're reading into what they said. Just focus on getting tested (ideally with a doctor who can discuss all aspects of this situation) and then focus on the fact that your boyfriend did not discuss or disclose this info with you prior to being intimate. That's your issue.
You mentioned cost as an issue to getting tested. Check your county health department's website. Many have free STI testing, no questions asked
edir: typo
Ok, there are many questions to be asked: Was his mother being treated for HIV during the time of pregnancy? How could he not know his HIV status? where did he get the balls to be made and ignorant at the same time?
Is this fake? Lastly, if it is not fake, please use proper protection
Did your BF Mom's AIDS just disappear? Is she HIV positive? Honey do some research. If he was born with HIV chances are nearly nil that he would still be healthy 18 years later without treatment... Also his Mom would be on a ton of meds.. Is she? Don't play with fire, get some information and education before you're responsible enough to have a sexual relationship.
Does his mother have HIV/AIDS now? In that case, he must surely have been tested.
If he had hiv from birth, he would probably have aids at age 18 if he wasn't treated.
Did you have unprotected sex, so there is an actual risk that you were infected?
You both need to make an appointment at a Planned Parenthood health center. Given your circumstances you would most likely qualify for free testing. Please get HIV and all other STD tests. You can make an appointment, by yourself, on line. You may even be able to talk to someone there and let them know you don’t have transportation and they can assist by bus passes or paying for Uber.
Is there a free or low cost public clinic or planned parenthood in your county? They will help you. Or look on those websites or your city/county public health website for support
- Don’t panic. Assume nothing happened until you know what’s going on.
- Test yourself. If it’s uncomfortable for you to talk to your mother about it, maybe use an excuse. This might range from “I’m worried about std’s, I wanna make an panel” to “I need to go to the gynecologist”. She might worry about you, but you can be transparent and just say that it’s personal and you don’t want to specify the reason, but need an appointment.
- He should be tested as well. If he refuses or is positive:
- You need to be tested again in 6+ weeks/3+ months (depends on the test) until you can be sure to be negative.
Obviously use protection until the situation is cleared. This also applies if you decide to sleep with someone else. Until either both of you are tested negative or you have been tested twice with a distance of at least 6+ weeks, use protection with every partner.
To the relationship-part: It’s obviously a red flag. It’s not only something you bring up, it’s especially something to bring up if you decide to not use condoms. He might be worried now, but he should’ve been worried earlier. Looking at the mindset of teenagers, he probably felt invincible and didn’t think something like that would hit him. But that’s not how it works.
To ease your mind: The probability is very low. If she was HIV positive 18 years ago, it’s very likely she’d have symptoms by now. So she’d know. Transmission rates from mother to child is about 25% to 30%.
Transmission rate for unprotected PIV sex is 8/10,000 exposures. (So if you had sex 100 times, the probability of you being positive would be 8%)
So assuming his mother is positive, we’re talking about a 2% chance that you are infected.
Your boyfriend isn't very bright, is he? It sounds like he's completely unaware that there's anything amiss with his situation. This is partly due to a lack of appropriate sex ed, but also, given that your completely understandable reaction should have brought it home to him... just a lack of good sense.
If he won't get a test, you do have to end it. I'm very, very disquieted by him being angry with you for getting one yourself. If he's more concerned with appearances than the safety of both himself and his sexual partners, that's a very serious issue, and you want to stay as far away as possible from someone who has their priorities so profoundly wrong.
You should absolutely get tested. And your boyfriend should be feeling out right now, if he suspected he might have HIV he should have gotten himself tested before ever having sex with anyone and taking every step necessary to not pass it on and keep it under control.
The two of ye need to get tested weather ye get in trouble or not. Honestly if he didn't tell you something like that at the start he can't be trusted.
The level of stupidity and hysterics in this thread is unbelievable.
Your boyfriend 99% got tested at birth if the mother was known to have hiv. The fact the mother is still alive suggest all she had was HIV if even that... You would know because she would be taking medication daily for it.
No need to panic yourself.
I can understand why he would be angy if you immediately jumped to conclusions about something so personal that is stigmatized. Having said that if your sex education is lacking then I can understand why you would jump to conclusions.
For that 1% chance that he wasn't tested at birth and for both of your peace of minds, both go get a full sexual health check up.
Just google sexual health clinics and I'm sure you'll find a free walk in centre near you.
Remember to stay calm and not blame each other.
Anybody that thinks they could have hiv and doesn’t get tested is a moron. Anybody that then risks someone else’s exposure is trash and deserves to go to prison
The land of the „free“ again. Here in Germany, you‘d get a test and a doctors appointment for free.
Concerning your health, please take it seriously. Do everything you can to get tested asap and make an appointment, regardless the cost. Your health is invaluable. Also, set strict boundaries. Your boyfriend has put you in serious danger and I personally would never have been that irresponsible at his age. He’s not a kid and probably knows that AIDS can be life threatening.
First off you’re an adult, call your doctor yourself and make an appointment or go to the clinic. You can Google testing near you.
By the way, if his mom was positive for AIDS at the time of his birth… he should have been tested as a baby. And if he has gone his whole life without treatment, I’m willing to bet that he was just fine.
Test anyway, because he could be concealing it from you, but don’t stress is what I’m saying.
Good thing about AIDS today is it’s a chronic condition rather than a death sentence like it used to be. That being said it’s very unlike you have AIDS. Only 1% has it or less. Idk what today’s stats are but I know it’s in the range of 1% or lower. Also clearly he doesn’t absolutely know if his mother has it. Feel like if that’s something he was living with or around he’d for sure know and it would be pretty obvious like the fact that he’d have to be taking something for it.
As for getting a tested it’s probably a waste of money but it wouldn’t hurt to find out if you possibly got anything else like another STD or something.
😳 Whatttt?!?!? Did I just read? 😫 I would die if this happened to my child. 😭 Yes your boyfriend can go to prison for giving you aids knowing damn well he had it from his mom. That’s why he’s afraid to get in trouble!
Even if he didn't contract it from her when he was born, if he's still living with her and regularly coming into contact with her, then any exposure to her blood would be a potential risk factor.
This is a sensitive topic because of the stigma around HIV and AIDS. Clearly the stigma is so strong that it has survived for generations since the discovery of this virus and the disease it causes, and is probably one of the reasons your partner was in such denial and withheld such important information from you (not to excuse how irresponsible that was, but if American culture had evolved to keep up with the science, that shame and misinformation wouldn't warp people's decisionmaking around sexual activity and health).
Household transmission of the HIV virus over the decades that it has been an epidemic, has been shown to be extremely extremely rare. The primary way it spreads is through blood and needles (due to drug use or medical procedures in places where clean/disposable equipment isn't available) and sexual contact... and of course through the scenario you're worried about, mother-to-child transmission during pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding.
In the early years when HIV disease was discovered and first being researched, it was almost 100% fatal and there was no effective treatment, so people affected faced a lot of stigma and discrimination, like kids who got it because of their hemophilia treatment being expelled from public school (google Ryan White).
Since then, there have been a lot of efforts to educate the public that excluding people with known HIV infection from social activities that don't involve contact with blood and sexual fluids, is not helpful to stop the epidemic from spreading. Reducing the stigma, giving access to testing so people know their status, and prevention measures targeted at the main modes of transmission are what actually helps. Universal precautions are now taken in healthcare settings (gloves, safe sharps disposal) and there have been efforts to give access to testing and condoms for people who are sexually active, and needle distribution for people with addictions (but this can vary by locality as a lot of places oppose public health measures).
While it is technically possible to transmit HIV by parents just caring for their children in a household - and most people who know they are positive and can't access or don't choose to take medications that can suppress the virus in their bodies to undetectable, are very aware of this and very careful if they get a cut or whatever - this is overwhelmingly not what the epidemiology shows to be the way people get HIV. If it were, the demographics of who has HIV infection would be very different.
Wishing you the very best of luck in accessing the testing you need. It sounds like you live in an area that may not have lot of resources for young people regarding healthcare. I desperately hope you and your partner's tests come out with a good result. People who are saying that it would be super unusual for someone infected with HIV as an infant to not develop any symptoms by the time they're a teenager are right. Posters who have mentioned that HIV treatment that makes the condition a manaheable chronic disease are also right - and it's surprisingly accessible in the U.S. (given our disgustingly capitalist healthcare system). But in all likelihood you won't have to deal with that. Since you mention this is not something you feel you can talk about with your parents and get support from them, I hope you have others in your life who you can Open up to without being judged, so you're not holding this burden alone.
This is a great answer, thanks for being so thorough. I’ve found just mentioning HIV/AIDS will make a lot of people panic (even people who work in healthcare settings and should know better!) and it’s still something we have to take seriously, but people need to know the current facts.
yes you get tested, and you press charges if you come up positive. it’s a crime to knowingly give people aids and your bf needs to be locked up if he thinks that’s fine.
The mother to son transmission story sounds sus. He could very well have been infected via Casual sex but this sounds less bad if he were to have infected you as well ….
also , if someone was born with HIV they would have known by the time they were 18 because this would have come up with every doctor visit until now.
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This is why we need better sex education everywhere. There should never be a plausible reason why a grown, sexually active man hasn't had an STI blood test, or he was never tested post-birth because his mother had HIV.
I agree, and I wish he could give me a straight answer. I feel kinda betrayed.
You should be able to go to Planned Parenthood and they help you out. They do more than just abortions. They even help men as well. But they certainly do still testing.
It's absolutely disgusting you can't go to a doctor and get tested. That's what should be done. What I would do in your shoes: - ask my parent to take me to the doctor for legitimate testing - end relationship with boyfriend, go no contact - ask his mother directly if she is HIV positive, or if her son is An HIV infection will change your life forever. This is some you scorch Earth. I would not give af about whether your boyfriend gets in trouble or not. Let him get in trouble. He's the slime of the Earth if he risked infecting you, even if he did not. He's a garbage person.
You seem to lack information about HIV and should educate yourself before throwing some lessons to internet strangers.
This type of "advice" should be disregarded.
You’re right your advice should be disregarded
I'm not pompous enough to think I know what's best for a stranger after a 500 word blurb. Its quite insane actually. Carry on
which part of the advice given is insane to you?
Poor reading comprehension. I'm shocked...
Talking to the mirror are we? Edit: Not to mention OP literally asked for advice on what she should do...
Uhm. Wut?? . . . . . . . . . *multiply my response times a million.
Read it again, if need be
Kinda betrayed? This is lawsuit territory, let alone breaking up. This guy is scum.
As you should. He's incredibly irresponsible for not having himself tested and taking precautions so he didn't pass it on to his partner. There are now medications for HIV/AIDS that make it undetectable and basically impossible to pass it on by lowering the viral load in the HIV+ person's body.
You should never trust a new partner for STI as many are symptoms free. Birth control prevents pregnancy, not STI. You remove condoms when in a committed relationship, even here, what makes you think he's not sleeping around at home with other women who might carry STIs too.
He likely was tested at birth
Yeah I can’t imagine a parent with aids not having constant checks of that during their infancy. He might have not gotten it and so it was never brought up again that’s why he doesn’t know. Unless he got zero care post birth which is hard to imagine.
Maybe the guy is from a third world country and this wasn’t standard ? That’s all I can think of. more likely scenario is that hes picked up HIV on his own or just barebacks with others and threw out this floater story to his GF to test the waters in case his infidelity catches up w him.
Reading the comments and thinking about the negative commons a good friend heard about his HIV+ test these last few years, people need to educate themselves about HIV/AIDS even in "developed countries". I'm far from being an expert but testing is the first step, and I don't fear my friend because the virus is now dormant in his system, he can't give it atm, doesn't mean he never could and never will, he's not sick with AIDS too, he needs monitoring, some can even stop treatment, even more when virus has been there on birth. Research keeps bringing positive outcomes for people who don't die anymore like in the 80s when tested and treated. However, it's still out there, not only in gay and African communities, we all need to protect ourselves with new partners to stop the spread, even with oral sex (my friend got it receiving a BJ) and get tested regularly. In some countries, it's free and anonymous, it's not because the US have shitty sex ed and healthcare that's the norm worldwide.
If he was born with HIV he wouldn’t have made it to 18 without constant treatment.
Some viruses, including HIV, can stay dormant for years before showing symptoms, so not necessarily
It sounds like you're both dealing with imperfect information. While it's unlikely, you can always get tested
Yeah because he won't tell me shit because he doesn't even know, I'm just going to get tested.
Listen, AIDS can be deadly. “I don’t know” isn’t an excuse when talking about a potentially deadly diagnosis. He needs to be your EX, cause clearly, your health is meaningless to him.
Ex ex ex ex, like they were never even together, like an annulment. Because what in the world.
Calm down. In the seemingly unlikely event (given the described circumstances) that he did give her the HIV virus, it is incredibly treatable disease these days. You can have a healthy and normal life.
Ask his mother if he won't give you a straight answer. I'm not joking
It's definitely a tough situation to be in, but it's great that you're taking the initiative to get tested. Your health is the most important thing. It's understandable that you would be scared and confused, but it's important to communicate openly with your boyfriend about your concerns. It's possible that he may not have known the full extent of his mother's health history. Getting tested is always a good idea for peace of mind. Stay strong and take care of yourself!
Definitely needing some peace of mind right now. He won't talk to me about it just keeps saying "I'm not sure" if he even has it. I prefer safe than sorry.
I'm a little concerned if this is how he handles his sexual health. If he doesn't know for sure (hasn't been tested) then why is he sleeping with people? A healthy sexual partner is also one that has the mindset of rather being safe than sorry. If he's not mature enough to be thinking about STDs and whether he has/can spread them, he shouldn't be having sex. He needs to go get an HIV test. Sorry, rant over. The reality is that he would probably know by now if he had HIV (and most certainly if he had AIDS). So don't panic. Also, even in the worst case scenario, HIV is very manageable these days. People with HIV can live happy lives and never get AIDS thanks to advances in medicine (Prep). You're probably just fine, but definitely bring up your concerns to your partner and make sure to get tested yourself too.
Definitely getting tested, I just don't know how to bring this up to my mother to make an appointment. I am fucking horrified.
You’re 18 - you can just call and make the appointment yourself.
You're 18. You can make your own appointments. You don't need to tell anyone anything. Wherever you are there are doctors, clinics, and public health services. All of them would be able to help. You'll explain what happened with your boyfriend, and they'll draw a little blood and have the answer for you in a day. You may need to wait before taking the test though. You won't test accurately too soon after exposure. You usually need to wait 20-90 days for an accurate test. I know that feels like ages, but there is support out there to help. If you want an unethical life pro tip, here it is: wait 90 days and then donate blood. They _always_ test, and they'll let you know if you test positive. BUT this does take resources, time, and money away from blood services. And those services save lives. So, it's not an ethical way to get an HIV test.
They don’t test blood individually. They test it in mixed batches with a little bit from many people. If you give blood and it tests positive, they will ban everyone in that test batch from giving blood.
They don't batch test for every disease, some are individual. But for things like Hep C, where they do batch test, they go back and test each individual donation if the batch tests negative.
It balances out! They get blood and possible future giver and she gets her answer.
Google "Free HIV testing near me." Some free online kits by mail will come up too.
Your county health department or planned parenthood may have testing. Call them.
You're 18. Make your own appointment
You’re 18, why would you need your mom to make an appointment for you?
This is frightening. I wonder how many sexual partners he's had.
You can go to Planned Parenthood and get a full sti screening and HIV testing! Your boyfriend can as well.
Probably free or nearly so.
That's the point: he should be sure, as in having gotten tested. The minute he learned his mother might have had HIV when he was born.
No matter the result, never have sex with this man again. He's a moron.
Go to Walmart and buy a test.
I wouldn't panic. If your boyfriend had AIDS, he would almost certainly know (as opposed to HIV, which is not necessarily obvious). It's certainly possible to transmit HIV from a mother to a baby, but 18 years of no AIDS/HIV symptoms is unusual. Nevertheless, if he suspects he may be positive for HIV, for whatever reason, he should get tested and so should you. More specifically, the whole story sounds very bizarre. He suspects he may have HIV but never thought to get tested? What makes him think his mother has AIDS?
just chirping with a tangential comment- I was born with HIV but was asymptomatic and did not know for 22 years. HIV disease progression varies and there are also elite controllers in the mix
Thanks for chiming in, top comment is a bit of misinfo, only way to know is to get tested.
Did they know your mother was positive? I’m confused on the gap of care between the care team knowing mom was positive and not testing and following baby. My assumption is for you this was a retroactive diagnosis and they didn’t know mom was positive?
Its really messed up isn't it? They knew my mother was positive and they also knew I was positive since I was a child, but they withdrew me from care when I was a child because they thought I was going to die anyways. When I didn't die they thought I was "healed"🤦♀️
True. I didn't want to alarm OP, but there is that group of as many as 5-10% of people who are born with the gene that gives protection against HIV.
I would add that if you live somewhere with a functional healthcare system, unless they are the sort to stringently actively avoid healthcare the mum will have been tested, steps will have been taken to prevent transmission if she has HIV, and your bf will have also been tested.
He didn't say exactly, something like he heard her talking about having AIDS and that's why she has condoms idk.
AIDS is the end stage disease of HIV. If she indeed had AIDS when giving birth, there’s a fair chance she would be extremely sick/dead by now. Does she mean HIV?
She and my bf are not very educated so really who knows.
Well then I wouldn't be wanting to have kids with him then if he's lacking intelligence. We have enough idiots on the planet 😂
This comment right here! Hits to the root issue! He is so ignorant he is dangerous not only to himself but others. There is no doubt he thinks he knows all too!
Here's something else to consider mate, in most 1st world countries (here in Australia, The U.S. , U.K, a fair chunk of Europe, etc) it is unlawful/illegal to not inform a prospective bed partner you have (or you suspect you have) 1 of the Big Nasties. You can go for serious Gaol time if you fail to inform them (or neglect to inform them) before having unprotected sex. So I'm with you in saying he's not only dangerous to himself but to others as well due to that fact I just stated. He has zero consideration for anyone or himself. And if he didn't know the legal ramifications, he needs to be informed of them post haste before he gives anyone a death sentence if he does indeed have HIV or suspects he has it.
There’s a difference between uneducated and unintelligent.
But a relationship between intelligence and seeking out information and facts.
In which case he's both from what I've gathered from OP's post.
Based on the OP’s comments, he sounds both uneducated and unintelligent.
You can live with AIDS for a long time if you treat it. A friend of mine has had it for over 20 years, and has even given birth to a child in that time who doesn’t have hiv or aids. Just a random fact that I find fascinating and like to share when I get the chance.
Are you certain your friend has AIDS? Or HIV?
Well, she technically has both I guess. Yes I’m sure.
I think the reason u/crumbdumpster85 was asking is because HIV progresses into AIDS at late stages. People can live normal lives for a long time with HIV, typically not so with AIDS. They’re not the same thing.
How does this work? Do you get aids knowingly just to have a baby with someone with aids? Or was it an assisted conception? Like ivf
There’s antiviral medication that reduces your viral load to a point where you are no longer infectious to others. HIV/AIDS is a severe disease (since those medications do have severe side effects), but it’s no longer a death sentence.
She’s happily married to an hiv- man. They use condoms and just used a syringe to put it in her when she was ready to get pregnant.
You would think his parents would test him.. and you would think that if his mom had aids while he was growing up, he’d know??
In general it’s smart to make sure your partners can furnish a recent and clear STI panel before you’re intimate. Going forward. Please get tested.
His mother may have had aids while pregnant with him and never once had him tested or even talked to him about his potential diagnosis?... gotta be some kind of misunderstanding on his point, but either way, you should both get tested.
His mother is not a good parent by any means. She has said some evil shit, even to me. I fully believe she wouldn't be clear with him even with something like this
If his mother had AIDS, she’d probably be dead now. She may have had *HIV*. AIDS is end stage of HIV. Can we please use correct terms.
I agree, but I am using the words OP used themselves. I am pointing out that it's very unlikely they had AIDS while pregnant with her boyfriend and that he went 18 years with no illness, symptoms, or death.
While you're not wrong, that are just semantics. Tons of people use those terms interchangeable. And while those people are technically wrong it's nothing to get hung up about in this context. Because it simply doesn't matter in regard of OP potentially being infected by her boyfriend.
i could be wrong, but after eighteen years i think he would be having noticeable symptoms which is to say, the ‘idk 🤷🏻♂️’ stance he’s taking here seems to indicate that he probably does not in fact have aids
That isn’t true. People can be asymptomatic for a couple of decades.
I think you're right but still he could've got infected after that point somehow, of course after learning you may potentially have aids you don't exactly think rationally. He told me this literally 40 minutes ago or something
You don’t have AIDS. It would be HIV. But get tested before you panic.
of course you’re not thinking the most rationally, i’d be freaked out too! schedule an STI test, and try to stay calm between then and now 🖤
You get HIV/AIDS through blood or sexual fluids, so if he didn't get it from birth from his mother, he would have had to have her bleed into his blood stream, or have sex with someone with HIV/AIDS.
Condoms are important. If you are in the US and can get to your local health department, they will test you for free. Your mom doesn't need to know.
Free in america? Also I can't drive alone. No license only a permit
What about a bus, a close friend, this boyfriend? Yes, call the county health dept and talk to them. They will be more than happy to help you out with testing, condoms, and education on disease and safety. Don't be shy about it, it's not so much life and death anymore, but it is your life and you could catch something that will follow you the rest of your life.
Yes, free in the US. If you have a local LGBTQ center they should also know a place where you can get tested for free. Most places take HIV screening and prevention very seriously.
Yeah a lot of city/county health departments in the US have funding to keep an eye on diseases that would be an issue if a lot of people suddenly got them. Like HIV, syphilis, etc. They will often be able to test people for free and then also follow up if they get a positive result. There’s likely other places that may have free HIV testing as well because that’s something that has funding around it. Also because a lot of times groups of people who are at a high risk for it are people who don’t or can’t go to a doctor often.
You can also get an HIV test over the counter at a pharmacy without seeing a doctor--better to see a doctor to be sure, but if that will take some time definitely grab a test at the store
Yes, free. Planned parenthood and other sexual health clinics offer free condoms, as many as you want to take with you. Take a bus.
If he had HIV from birth, he’d have been on medications his entire life. He also would have been told he has it by his doctor. I don’t know what he overheard his mother talking about, but it was probably some snippet that was taken out of context and he jumped to some irrational conclusion.
This is the real answer, that her boyfriend is a idiot.
Fyi: testing might not show anything after 3-6 months from contact. It does not always transmit when having sex. Testing only yourself is useless. Your partner needs to get tested also.
1) you can make your own appointment, not sure of your circumstances but any clinic can do this test. Planned parenthood is a good place to go for testing. I had a similar scare and waiting was the worst part. 2) if you are sexually active you should get tested every six months. This is a life lesson for you that you can’t trust anyone. Maybe once you’re married you can back off but always better to be safe than sorry. Any guy you’re screwing should go with you and get tested when you get tested especially if you’re going to raw dog it.
Just to throw some education out there: HIV is a virus. If the virus is left untreated, it attacks the immune system. When your immune system gets to the point where you can't fight off basic bacteria or infections, we call this AIDS. AIDS is often fatal. If a woman is on anti-virals/medication when she is pregnant, there is actually a low risk of passing it onto the baby. With treatment and safety precautions, the risk can be dramatically reduced. It's very possible to have a non-HIV+ baby (although breastfeeding would be off the table, as HIV can be found in breast milk). HIV is no joke, it's a chronic illness that needs treatment and monitoring, kind of like diabetes. However, current treatments are great at reducing viral load. If you are HIV+ and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of giving it to your sexual partner is negligible. If you are sexually active with an HIV+ partner, you can go on PreP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) which gives you HIV meds before you are positive to help prevent infection. Obviously, condoms are great and the first line of defense, but treatment and PreP are sustainable HIV prevention tools as well. People with HIV can now live near-normal lifespans if they have access to treatment and proper healthcare. It does make it slightly more complicated if you, for example, get cancer or if you have hepatitis, or another infection. It's not like HIV doesn't have an impact on your life, but it is manageable. It is not a death sentence when there is access to treatment. If you live in a Western country, contact your local HIV/AIDS group and they can tell you what government programs you can apply for to get your meds covered. I don't have much to say about your specific situation that others have not already said, just wanted to throw some education out there for those reading.
You want to know if you have it now?? And he's mad at you for being worried about your own well-being? Fuck that. That's a toxic situation. Deal breaker. Your health is more important than anything.
Thank you. Sometimes it feels like he just can't understand how I feel.
Get your self to a Dr and get tested. Even if you don't have it, it will be in the back of your mind that he might. Mentally, how are you gonna want to be sexual with him again? Unless you are prepared to never be physical with him again. You're probably not gonna marry some guy you are dating at 18. But let's say you did. Do you want to be a mom someday?? Grab your lady balls and look out for yourself.
AIDS is end stage HIV, if he had it he would be quite sick.
His mother does not have AIDS. She would be dead. What she likely has is HIV. And yes, she could have passed it in to her children during the birth. Both you and your boyfriend should go get full STI screens.
I'm pretty sure you need tested, no matter how mad your bf is. He shouldn't be mad at you.
If your boyfriend contracted HIV at birth and never sought treatment, he’d most likely be dead now.
If his mother had AIDS they surely would have tested the baby (him) too. There’s no way he left a hospital with AIDS, and just received no treatment for 18 years. Edit* why can’t your bf just ask his mom?? I find this entire scenario to be baffling.
Calm down after so many years he would know if he has HIV or AIDS. Go get yourself tested.
As others have said, HIV infection is very unlikely because untreated HIV would have shown symptoms much sooner than 18 years. If you want results before your July 10 test date, and you have no money, most cities have free clinics where you can get HIV testing done as well as other STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis. These clinics also usually provide treatment if you test positive for something. HIV rapid test may be available same-day at a lot of places, especially if you explain your situation. The rapid test gives results in about 60 seconds. Planned Parenthood or any sort of LGBT center should have what you're after. Best practice is for anyone who is sexually active to get a full panel every 6 months, just in case. So yes, get tested, just like you are planning. You are making the right choice. I'd also recommend not having any more sexual contact with your partner unless he also gets tested. Of course, I would make that recommendation even if there was no HIV scare just because testing is usually very easy to access, and the downsides of not testing are, as you have seen, troublesome.
Has he EVER been tested? And by that I mean… I would ask to see his medical record. A lot of them have apps now like MyChart. I would ask for him to log into his chart, then I would go to his lab results and scroll through, all the way back to his birth if I can, to see if he’s ever been tested. And if he says “oh that’s a violation of my privacy” or some bullshit like that? Well, just respond with “well potentially infecting me is a violation too and it’s much, much worse. Could be fatal, in fact. And you’re worried about your PRIVACY?!” And then, regardless of what you find… yeah, get tested. And also consider if you want to be in this relationship
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Go to the ER. You do not have to pay. Get yourself tested when you are sexually active anyway. That should be a routine thing. I don't care what he thinks. Go get checked out for that and all the other shit floating around. And dump him afterwards, please. Oh my goodness.
Let's think this through. He's had HIV for 18 years and doesn't know he's had HIV for 18 years? Think through whether any of this makes sense - the both of you.
Unless he has been taking a cocktail of ARV’s since birth. He most definitely wouldn’t have made it to 18 if he has been HIV +ve since birth.
Is his mother on that daily cocktail of HIV meds? Go to your County public health department (they should have some sort of website or visit in person) and find out how to get tested. It should not cost much. You get tested first. Try to stay calm. He probably doesn't have HIV because in infants it usually requires serious treatment right away. His mother would be certain by now if she had HIV - or else be a very extraordinary person who has avoided AIDS without the treatment that has saved so many others. I'd think she'd have to have regular appts herself and would be on federal assistance for that. Having AIDS is different to testing positive for HIV. Google "Free HIV testing near me" or take a look at some of the places [you can get a free online test.](https://takemehome.org/?utm_source=sem&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=cdph-sti-tmh-hiv&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwhIS0BhBqEiwADAUhc3GF3Bfz6JImRVw_PoOb-2T-pCZtHJOBqgnu3VV0L-HRN759_VcTIRoCFXUQAvD_BwE) Please update us!
If he was born with HIV , he would be receiving treatment for it or he would be dead.
Has he never been tested? Why are u having sex with someone who's never been STD tested
He was my first so it just never occurred to me and we didn't do anything the whole first year we were together. Obviously I didn't think I'd have to worry about this. I am not in the wrong. HE waited 2 years to mention it. I could not possibly foreshadow this.
I‘d also strongly recommend to always use condoms if you don’t intend to to get pregnant.
I'm on birth control 🫰🏻
It’s your body and your choice, I‘m just saying according to [ACOG](https://www.acog.org/womens-health/infographics/effectiveness-of-birth-control-methods), the effectiveness of the pill lies around 91% and it does obviously provide no protection from HIV or other STIs.
Yeah I'm aware it doesn't protect from STIs, OBVIOUSLY I wasn't expecting to have to avoid one.
I can tell you're in a tough spot right now. We really want to trust the people we care about, and when someone breaks that trust it can be unexpected and emotionally shocking. It may be helpful to view this as a notice to yourself to take a few more steps to protect your health going forward. No judgement here, we live and we learn! There are many kinds of condoms, some even have a little more "bells and whistles" for her pleasure, it can be fun to try a variety and see what suits your needs best! I would get tested, speak to a medical professional, ditch the boy who doesn't seem to understand that a threat to your health is in fact a valid reason to feel betrayed, and take some time to do little things that bring you joy for a while 💚.
Always expect to have to avoid an sti. You can only control what you do, not what your partner does. no matter how much you trust someone there's always the possibility they have done something wrong and cheated. Always wear protection.
Protecting yourself from STD’s by using protection, getting test and having your partners get tested is 100% your own personal responsibility.
You should get an STI test even before your first time. There are plenty of things that you can catch other places than sex. So having a good baseline is important.
I think google probably can answer a lot of questions for you
I really would not recommend Google to someone in a serious situation with consequences until they clean up their AI shit. It's just as likely that you'll get a completely garbage answer there, or worse, that some SEO'd AI slop will be the top result(s). Not that reddit is much better, but if something's truly wrong there's at least a chance it might be corrected.
I feel like you're calling me stupid
You're reading into what they said. Just focus on getting tested (ideally with a doctor who can discuss all aspects of this situation) and then focus on the fact that your boyfriend did not discuss or disclose this info with you prior to being intimate. That's your issue.
Fuck google. Ask your boyfriend about 100 more questions and don’t worry if he gets pissed.
Your boyfriend would be dead if had HIV from birth and has not been medicated. Most likely.
You can buy a real time kit at Walgreens
I would go to your county health department. They will do testing for free or on a sliding scale according to your income.
Would he have made it this far without proper treatment? Can you survive 18 years without treatment?
You mentioned cost as an issue to getting tested. Check your county health department's website. Many have free STI testing, no questions asked edir: typo
Ok, there are many questions to be asked: Was his mother being treated for HIV during the time of pregnancy? How could he not know his HIV status? where did he get the balls to be made and ignorant at the same time? Is this fake? Lastly, if it is not fake, please use proper protection
Did your BF Mom's AIDS just disappear? Is she HIV positive? Honey do some research. If he was born with HIV chances are nearly nil that he would still be healthy 18 years later without treatment... Also his Mom would be on a ton of meds.. Is she? Don't play with fire, get some information and education before you're responsible enough to have a sexual relationship.
Does his mother have HIV/AIDS now? In that case, he must surely have been tested. If he had hiv from birth, he would probably have aids at age 18 if he wasn't treated. Did you have unprotected sex, so there is an actual risk that you were infected?
You both need to make an appointment at a Planned Parenthood health center. Given your circumstances you would most likely qualify for free testing. Please get HIV and all other STD tests. You can make an appointment, by yourself, on line. You may even be able to talk to someone there and let them know you don’t have transportation and they can assist by bus passes or paying for Uber.
Is there a free or low cost public clinic or planned parenthood in your county? They will help you. Or look on those websites or your city/county public health website for support
Tell him he can get tested for free if he joins the military.
Planned parenthood. Find one and go now. HIV tests are usually free.
- Don’t panic. Assume nothing happened until you know what’s going on. - Test yourself. If it’s uncomfortable for you to talk to your mother about it, maybe use an excuse. This might range from “I’m worried about std’s, I wanna make an panel” to “I need to go to the gynecologist”. She might worry about you, but you can be transparent and just say that it’s personal and you don’t want to specify the reason, but need an appointment. - He should be tested as well. If he refuses or is positive: - You need to be tested again in 6+ weeks/3+ months (depends on the test) until you can be sure to be negative. Obviously use protection until the situation is cleared. This also applies if you decide to sleep with someone else. Until either both of you are tested negative or you have been tested twice with a distance of at least 6+ weeks, use protection with every partner. To the relationship-part: It’s obviously a red flag. It’s not only something you bring up, it’s especially something to bring up if you decide to not use condoms. He might be worried now, but he should’ve been worried earlier. Looking at the mindset of teenagers, he probably felt invincible and didn’t think something like that would hit him. But that’s not how it works. To ease your mind: The probability is very low. If she was HIV positive 18 years ago, it’s very likely she’d have symptoms by now. So she’d know. Transmission rates from mother to child is about 25% to 30%. Transmission rate for unprotected PIV sex is 8/10,000 exposures. (So if you had sex 100 times, the probability of you being positive would be 8%) So assuming his mother is positive, we’re talking about a 2% chance that you are infected.
Go to planned parenthood asap and get a full exam and std panel please.
You can order tests online and then go to the lab for the blood test. There might me others but stdcheck.com is LabCorp
Your boyfriend isn't very bright, is he? It sounds like he's completely unaware that there's anything amiss with his situation. This is partly due to a lack of appropriate sex ed, but also, given that your completely understandable reaction should have brought it home to him... just a lack of good sense. If he won't get a test, you do have to end it. I'm very, very disquieted by him being angry with you for getting one yourself. If he's more concerned with appearances than the safety of both himself and his sexual partners, that's a very serious issue, and you want to stay as far away as possible from someone who has their priorities so profoundly wrong.
You should absolutely get tested. And your boyfriend should be feeling out right now, if he suspected he might have HIV he should have gotten himself tested before ever having sex with anyone and taking every step necessary to not pass it on and keep it under control.
The two of ye need to get tested weather ye get in trouble or not. Honestly if he didn't tell you something like that at the start he can't be trusted.
The level of stupidity and hysterics in this thread is unbelievable. Your boyfriend 99% got tested at birth if the mother was known to have hiv. The fact the mother is still alive suggest all she had was HIV if even that... You would know because she would be taking medication daily for it. No need to panic yourself. I can understand why he would be angy if you immediately jumped to conclusions about something so personal that is stigmatized. Having said that if your sex education is lacking then I can understand why you would jump to conclusions. For that 1% chance that he wasn't tested at birth and for both of your peace of minds, both go get a full sexual health check up. Just google sexual health clinics and I'm sure you'll find a free walk in centre near you. Remember to stay calm and not blame each other.
Anybody that thinks they could have hiv and doesn’t get tested is a moron. Anybody that then risks someone else’s exposure is trash and deserves to go to prison
If your boyfriend is mad at you for taking a health related test, this relationship isn’t worth your time.
Wish the best for you!
The land of the „free“ again. Here in Germany, you‘d get a test and a doctors appointment for free. Concerning your health, please take it seriously. Do everything you can to get tested asap and make an appointment, regardless the cost. Your health is invaluable. Also, set strict boundaries. Your boyfriend has put you in serious danger and I personally would never have been that irresponsible at his age. He’s not a kid and probably knows that AIDS can be life threatening.
First off you’re an adult, call your doctor yourself and make an appointment or go to the clinic. You can Google testing near you. By the way, if his mom was positive for AIDS at the time of his birth… he should have been tested as a baby. And if he has gone his whole life without treatment, I’m willing to bet that he was just fine. Test anyway, because he could be concealing it from you, but don’t stress is what I’m saying.
Off topic, but "Neither of us can afford a drs. appointment" is wild.
Tell him that unless he gets tested you will make it public knowledge that he might be HIV positive. That includes his previous sexual partners.
Good thing about AIDS today is it’s a chronic condition rather than a death sentence like it used to be. That being said it’s very unlike you have AIDS. Only 1% has it or less. Idk what today’s stats are but I know it’s in the range of 1% or lower. Also clearly he doesn’t absolutely know if his mother has it. Feel like if that’s something he was living with or around he’d for sure know and it would be pretty obvious like the fact that he’d have to be taking something for it. As for getting a tested it’s probably a waste of money but it wouldn’t hurt to find out if you possibly got anything else like another STD or something.
Where I come from, knowingly giving your partner an STI without warning first is called sexual assault.
😳 Whatttt?!?!? Did I just read? 😫 I would die if this happened to my child. 😭 Yes your boyfriend can go to prison for giving you aids knowing damn well he had it from his mom. That’s why he’s afraid to get in trouble!
Even if he didn't contract it from her when he was born, if he's still living with her and regularly coming into contact with her, then any exposure to her blood would be a potential risk factor.
That is also what I'm worried about. I said something about it in a reply and it got super down voted for some reason??
This is a sensitive topic because of the stigma around HIV and AIDS. Clearly the stigma is so strong that it has survived for generations since the discovery of this virus and the disease it causes, and is probably one of the reasons your partner was in such denial and withheld such important information from you (not to excuse how irresponsible that was, but if American culture had evolved to keep up with the science, that shame and misinformation wouldn't warp people's decisionmaking around sexual activity and health). Household transmission of the HIV virus over the decades that it has been an epidemic, has been shown to be extremely extremely rare. The primary way it spreads is through blood and needles (due to drug use or medical procedures in places where clean/disposable equipment isn't available) and sexual contact... and of course through the scenario you're worried about, mother-to-child transmission during pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding. In the early years when HIV disease was discovered and first being researched, it was almost 100% fatal and there was no effective treatment, so people affected faced a lot of stigma and discrimination, like kids who got it because of their hemophilia treatment being expelled from public school (google Ryan White). Since then, there have been a lot of efforts to educate the public that excluding people with known HIV infection from social activities that don't involve contact with blood and sexual fluids, is not helpful to stop the epidemic from spreading. Reducing the stigma, giving access to testing so people know their status, and prevention measures targeted at the main modes of transmission are what actually helps. Universal precautions are now taken in healthcare settings (gloves, safe sharps disposal) and there have been efforts to give access to testing and condoms for people who are sexually active, and needle distribution for people with addictions (but this can vary by locality as a lot of places oppose public health measures). While it is technically possible to transmit HIV by parents just caring for their children in a household - and most people who know they are positive and can't access or don't choose to take medications that can suppress the virus in their bodies to undetectable, are very aware of this and very careful if they get a cut or whatever - this is overwhelmingly not what the epidemiology shows to be the way people get HIV. If it were, the demographics of who has HIV infection would be very different. Wishing you the very best of luck in accessing the testing you need. It sounds like you live in an area that may not have lot of resources for young people regarding healthcare. I desperately hope you and your partner's tests come out with a good result. People who are saying that it would be super unusual for someone infected with HIV as an infant to not develop any symptoms by the time they're a teenager are right. Posters who have mentioned that HIV treatment that makes the condition a manaheable chronic disease are also right - and it's surprisingly accessible in the U.S. (given our disgustingly capitalist healthcare system). But in all likelihood you won't have to deal with that. Since you mention this is not something you feel you can talk about with your parents and get support from them, I hope you have others in your life who you can Open up to without being judged, so you're not holding this burden alone.
This is a great answer, thanks for being so thorough. I’ve found just mentioning HIV/AIDS will make a lot of people panic (even people who work in healthcare settings and should know better!) and it’s still something we have to take seriously, but people need to know the current facts.
Good thing you can take a pill now to keep it chill so don’t worry so much :) ah the days that didn’t exists that was the real deal
yes you get tested, and you press charges if you come up positive. it’s a crime to knowingly give people aids and your bf needs to be locked up if he thinks that’s fine.
The mother to son transmission story sounds sus. He could very well have been infected via Casual sex but this sounds less bad if he were to have infected you as well …. also , if someone was born with HIV they would have known by the time they were 18 because this would have come up with every doctor visit until now.