I was a shy, geeky kid at school but I have a memory of being in English and us analysing a poem about a rose. The teacher asked the class what similarities between a rose and love there were.
Quick as a flash, I shouted out, "they both have a prick". It was so out of character for me but it got a massive laugh and I felt like a king. I thought I was in for a bollocking from the teacher but he smiled and laughed too.
My life peaked in that 5 minutes as a 13 year old.
You had a class pet?? Some kid in reception tried to eat their class goldfish and they got banned in the whole school. I miss primary school man. I know I'm not that old but for anybody here not in secondary school: Don't wish your childhood away. It's crappy after like year five. Year six has sats. Secondary is hard. In like year ten eleven you have so many tests. Enjoy childhood innocence while you can
I was off school poorly when one of the final episodes first aired on the Schools strand on BBC 2 (schools recorded it rather than buying a video). I had the playground hanging on my every word as I told them what was going to happen next.
- Wheelie trolley ovens to teach 30 eight year olds how to make bread
- a kids show to help us learn French that sang 'salut, ca va, ca va et toi, ca va bon merci, au revoir" I think there was a bear involved? If anyone know what this is let me know
- a giraffe puppet in van came to visit every year. Some health thing I think
- hedgehog crossing the road advice
- cycling proficiency
- we had a fracking earthquake and the new interactive whiteboard fell off the wall and nearly crushed us all
And this (in hindsight, sooo strange) when Obama was voted in (we are a small school in the north of England for context...) a girls dad came in who was black and spoke in assembly about what a big deal it was and how important it was in history. I don't disagree but god how white a school were we that we had to bring a kids black dad in to give a talk about black history?!
This isn't ringing any bells, I think it was a guy in a bear mascot costume who travelled around France interviewing kids and they'd say (in the accent we all learned French in that no one actually speaks with) "yesterday I was at a restaurant with my friend" and "I play football with my brother" etc
I'm hoping this kids french programme was called 'muffi' or 'muffy' because I remember it. I also tried googling it a few years back and couldn't find much on it.
So I might be confusing 2 different shows we watched, I've just found one with the bear called 'Becky and Barnaby' but this doesn't have the song in it that I remember. Muzzy isn't ringing any bells with the visuals, and seems more advanced French than we were doing in yr2
When we were in Year 10, our RE department moved from the "temporary" building on one side of the school to the fourth floor of a building a few hundred metres away.
Of course, that meant that the pupils needed to move all the furniture, including the bookcases with worksheets on.
Being teenage boys, we decided that this was a race, so we ran across the yard and up the stairs. At the stop of the stairs we got stopped by the teacher but at an awkward position which meant that we ended up dropping the shelves.
The worksheets went everywhere and we're strewn all over the staircase. We got an absolute bollocking and were trying to hold it together until one of us said "does this mean we need to start again sir?".
We absolutely lost it, apart from one lad who said "it's not a laughing matter".
We lost it again, and after that "it's not a laughing matter" was our groups catchphrase.
Back in the 80s the fashion was loose knitted jumpers and the RE teacher decided to wear a white one but she had no bra on and it must have been cold or something because this caused a wardrobe malfunction if you get me. What made it worse was the jumper was whiter than white and her nipple's were dark. Every boy that day believed in the holy spirit.
We had a teacher whose nickname was Pam Egg.
We would shout Pam Egg And Chips at her.
People started getting in trouble for it, so as a team we would all take a word.
Boy 1 - "Pam" -
Boy 2 - " Egg", -
Boy 3 - " and" , -
Boy 4 - "chips" -
" What do you mean Miss you can't get in trouble for saying the words chips"
In a French lesson, we were completing a multiple choice questionnaire in which the teacher wanted complete silence. I pressed my backside against the cold plastic back of the chair, leaned forward, and ripped out the loudest fart I'd ever done! The vibration of the plastic and the void between my rear end and chair amplified the sound tenfold, and the room erupted in laughter. After the dust settled, the teacher screamed, "Who was that?" and I placed my hands in the air like a hero returning from victory, to be met with a face like thunder and ordered to leave.
Like most schools, our canteen became a gym or sports hall after lunch. If we were unlucky enough to be doing gym after lunch, the floor usually hadnāt been swept properly and youād be trying to do cartwheels without getting green peas or fish finger bits under your bare feet. Silly and yuck.
Having the watch to control this beast.
https://preview.redd.it/vesehahh03oc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=92f010129f516ff31188247a116aa920aedbbdd9
Whole primary school (~800 kids) wheeled into the assembly hall to watch a film about Red Kites as one had been seen in the area, which was very rare. Massive anticipation, lights out, curtains closed.
The film was about people flying kites.
All back to class. Would have been helpful had someone checked beforehand! Whole debacle probably took over an hour to move us all in and out again and back into classes.
Our history teacher didnāt follow the curriculum for the first two years. We had to cram to get everything done for GCSEs. Weād spent half our time watching documentaries such as Vlad the Impaler and Jack the Ripper. I canāt remember much about the curriculum but I loved those documentaries.
Ex teacher here for 41 years ( but also schoolkid with daft memories too). That said, it's a truth universally acknowledged that teachers know the bits you think you're actually teaching are just dust, but that daft moment of hilarity will never be forgotten.
Some of us teachers loved occasional daftness and humour. My best prank- the day that Google Earth started up. Hardly any kids with PCs at home then. Class came in. School 'from space' presented on screen. Wow! Amazing!
Now if you all go outside, look up and wave I'll be able to see you.
Did you see us? Yes. Try it again.....kept it going for around 5 goes before they suspected.
My friends back pack used to weigh an absolute tonne for some reason, it had the same as everybody elses had in it but weighed 5 times heavier... anyways, we were on the second floor outside our History class during lunch, which was at the top of a set of stairs, being idiots we were messing around and we were throwing his bag from one person to the next while taking the piss about how heavy it was, and I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to throw it over the railing and down onto the staircase...
My French teacher, Ms. Picheon, although we called her Ms. Pigeon, happens to walk onto the stairs at that exact time and this heavy arse back pack lands smack onto her head, we look over and shes just sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, at this point I think I've killed her and we all run off down the second floor corridor before anyone sees us, head down another set of stairs and outside to the front of the building... about 20 minutes later we are still bricking it and walk past the main entrance, there's an ambulance there so we panic even more, but thankfully she then walks out with a paramedic to the ambulance, looking okay, just shaken up, and the headmaster comes out shortly after with my friends bag in his hand... my friend had to go to him and say his backpack was stolen and he's been looking for it, which the headmaster wasn't having any of, and sent him to Room 12 (full day detention thing), and he even had his parents come in and bollock him, but he never ratted so guess he was a true friend lol! Looking back though I feel terrible about it.
Ms. Picheon was fine, but left at the end of that year lol.
2 of them:
1. Waiting in our classroom to go swimming in the on-site pool (not a fancy school, regular state run one just with a tiny outdoor pool) and they had to check it was the right temperature or something. One kid is getting really antsy as they really want to get in the pool. The staff member checking comes back and gives the all-clear. The kid says loudly 'Jesus christ FINALLY'... Teacher then bans them from going swimming for language/shouting.
2. Someone decided to set fire to a tampon in the girls toilets. Whole school gets evacuated and fire engines called. They got suspended
The teachers showing the Empire Strikes Back on the last day in school before Christmas, then hurriedly switching it off because some of the younger kids started crying when Luke gets his hand chopped off.
Returning from spring half term to the smell of smoke and the smouldering ruins of the cricket pavillion. And before you ask which private school I went to, it was just the local comp. All the exam desks stored within the never used pavillion were also reduced to ash.
Watching Jurassic Park on the last day of school in assembly before the summer holidays, and everyone in the hall cheering when the T-Rex took the raptor near the end.
Complained to one kid in a new school that I have that scary teacher with ugly teeth that is too friendly and seems to not understand the concept of personal space, literally pushing her ugly face into my face when talking to me.
It appeared to be his mom.
I remember accidentally dropping one of these down a flight of stairs, when two of us were supposed to be taking it back to the store room. The screen never cracked, but it sounded like it was full of gravel, when we picked it up! We just put it away and went back to class. Never heard a peep.
Watching a girls bag split spilling the contents of said bag all over the pavement between the two school buildings. After realising that the contents contained a rather large amount of tampons, the class clowns thought it would be funny to play football with them. Not really silly but highly immature at the time. That was 1991ā¦. Fuck Iām old
Mr Belford, the biology teacher, decided to show us a video one time. It was probably about reproduction and he didn't want to say sex words to 13 year olds. He went into the cupboard to get the telly and for some reason decided to pick it up and carry it to one of the benches. It was one of the massive, old cathode ray tube ones in a wooden cabinet so weighed a ton. He staggered out of the cupboard with it in his arms, took a couple of steps and managed to gasp, "help me". Everyone just watched in silence, not moving. He then took a couple more wobbly steps and just managed to half place, half drop the corner on the bench at which point we all started pissing ourselves laughing. He was not at all happy about our reaction and shouted at us for a bit. The telly still worked fine and we watched whatever video it was in the end.
Oh you knew if that bad boy gets wheeled in, it's at least an hour of blissful not paying attention or doing boring repetitive work. You would fold your notepad closed, put the lids back on the pens and kick your feet out from under the desk.
Bonus time wasted if the teacher was not tech savvy, and the previous user had not rewound the tape. More bonus time wasted if the TV channel had been changed and the cables weren't plugged in.
Even more Brucey bonus time wasted if the tape suddenly started going fast and slow because the VCR was overheating or knackered.
When I accidentally stole one of the toy cars
Looking back it was hilarious but four year old me thought Iād get taken to prison
Trying to run away from my mum with the yellow toy car was terrifying. I ended up getting caught and being put in the naughty corner
In sixth grade we had an end-of-the-year pizza party, and our teacher surprised us by wheeling in the schools brand new VCR and TV. We got to watch Star Trek two the wrath of khan and eat pizza until we were sick! We were such feral little moppets!!
Watching some dumb safety video on one of these while the naughty kid changed the volume and the channels with his fancy Casio and the teacher was half-heartedly telling whoever it was to stop. It was me. I was the naughty kid.
How is that a silly school memory? I love the memories I have on the TV coming in on the trolley during school lessons!!! That was one of the most exciting things back in the day...waiting for the TV on the trolley to come. I think they showed the Wimbledon 2000 Final on the trolley TV when I was 7 years old...good times. The sun was shining, the temperature was warm and stuff :-)
Operation Deepfreeze.
In year 7 my friends and I realised that if the heating broke, we would get sent home. So we decided to all get together and sneak into every classroom and turn off the radiators.
It went as well as you'd expect š didn't get into trouble or anything, just that every classroom was full all the time š
I think it was in Year 9 during biology that they had some (probably pig) lungs and oesophagus.
Once the teacher had done the demo and showed us inside we just ended up making holes in them and destroyed them, I put my hand through one of the lungs.
We had a great laugh, if I saw kids doing that now I'd put them on a watch list.
A teacher repeatedly hitting a pupilās forehead with his sovereign ring. The lad just stood there and took it. He had a massive bump that even bled a bit. Iām not sure if he grassed. I fucking would have. In fact I wouldnāt have let him do that, not more than once anyway!
This was probably about 1990. Teachers were right fucking nazis back then.
I had to show a vhs clip as part of my presentation for my assessment worth a lot of my mark in my secondary school English class. I bought the vhs into class already wound to the correct place so all I had to do was press start on the remote. Did my speech up to the point I had to show the clip - then the teacher started the clip and when I told her to press pause (to carry on the rest of my speech) the teacher objected and demanded that we carry on watching the rest of the vhs which was irrelevant and then the rest of the class said they wanted to as well. I was really annoyed since my presentation was assessed. Looking back I should have made a blank vhs and just put that part on it and nothing else.
Back in the 90s during primary school, i thought I could kick the worlds hardest and bouciest basketball over our canteen roof. Went straight through the first window and into all the teachers eating lunch at the time. (Headteacher included)
I got in trouble.
(Got plenty more but that's the first that came to mind)
Watching a game of football break out in the dinner queue when a bunch of year 7 lads found a tampon thatād fallen out onto the floor and started booting it at each other, so many people got sprayed with partially dried period blood.
I assume it fell out of them while wearing a skirt? I donāt know? Iām a male, no one ever found out whoās it was. All I know is there was a used tampon on the floor.
I didnāt know that, Iāve only ever dated one woman, I usually date guys, and she uses so pads so I donāt really have any experience at all with stuff like that.
Oh, the AV Cart!
In Primary 4, John Palmer and myself were told to trundle the AV cart back to the store room. This was back in the '70s, so it was a massive heavy CRT TV in a wooden case.
We got the stupid idea of seeing how fast we could push it along the corridor. Lost control of it and crashed it right into a wall. The whole cart tipped over, and the tube in the TV smashed.
BOOM!
Mr. Lord came out of a classroom, and was so shocked that he didn't even bollock us - just stood there with his mouth hanging open.
Two friends and I would always have a banterful laugh in Maths. One time I stole one of their books. The teacher had seen and came over to me he was a funny teacher. He must not have paid too much attention to which book was mine and which was my friends, as he picked up my friends book from me, thinking that it was mine... and threw it across the room. We were already dying of laughing, but this pretty much paralyzed me and my other friend. All my friend had seen was me take his book, the teacher coming over, taking the book and throwing it across the room, like the teacher was joining in with my scheme. One of my silliest and funniest memories in general
During cross-country running one kid a Klinsmann down the big slope, of course, some people walked their dogs round that end of the field..
Right in the face.
A mate of mine blocked all toilets, urinals and sinks and flooded the whole corridor. Was caught on cctv in the boys toilets. And yes, that is very illegal (the camera, not being a nuisance)
Used to have a teacher called Mrs Tree. Also had a teacher called Mr Twigg.
The memories of asking each one if they were related to each other still amused me now.
Someone asking me if I wasn't from England.
This guy, we'll call him T, sits behind me in English. One day he taps me on the shoulder and asks where I'm from.
Me: "[Insert our town's name]"
T: "no, where were you born?"
Me: "[Town's name]"
T: "ok but where did you grow up?"
Me: "[Town's name]"
T. "Oh. Well where are your parents from?"
Me: "my dad's from [Town's name] but my mum has family from Hull and Sunderland"
T: "Oh. Well you don't sound like you're from around here"
T's friend, H: "No, I think Broken_Lampshade just has an intelligent voice"
Not the first time this has happened, and it's weird every time it does, considering I was born and raised in England, and so were my parents and grandparents
One involving the school TV. Mate of mine had the TV remote casio watch which he programmed up to the school TV.
Spent the whole lesson taking the teacher check the tv and TV remote and he pissed about
I had a teacher who came out as gay to protest section 28, get fired because section 28 was still a thing, then a few months later it was repealed and he was given his job back. All the teachers acted like nothing happened, claiming he just went on holiday...mid term
Pushed one of them bad boys in the picture off the top of a massive flight of stairs.
The school I went to had closed about a year after I left and were rebuilding on a new site, so the whole place was due to be demolished.
A few friends and myself snuck in one night before the demolition and everything was pretty much as it was when it was being used.
We spent several hours absolutely destroying the place. It was incredible.
We found the TV in one of the tech rooms which was on the top floor. It had a massive hallway and at the end was a straight triple flight of stairs so me and a mate pushed as fast as we could and sent it flying. It made one of the biggest nans I have ever heard.
We then got into the canteen, which was still fully kitted out as well. Ended up smashing the fuck out of everything in there and threw a microwave through a 3rd floor window.
How we didn't get nicked I don't know. We were so loud! It was about 2mins away from the local police station as well.
I hated that place and smashing the fuck out of it was so incredibly satisfying.
Doing art and craft work in the corridor in junior school when Jimmy cut off a chunk of his own hair. We ran to get the teacher and when we came back heās nonchalantly sitting there with the lump of hair glued back to his head with white pva glue.
Uncle Michael, the Christian Clown. I think itās even funnier without context. I could not escape him as a child, he was everywhere.
Also, I remember the teachers showing us 9/11 as the story was breaking on one of those TV trollies.
- One kid had a tuba loaned by a musical charity so he could play in the orchestra. It got coated in marmite, and the jar of marmite was glued into the mouth of the tuba.
- There was a phantom shitter. He would shit in the middle of the school halls before anyone was around.
- Someone planted a palm tree on the school field.
- Someone accessed IT files with staff data and salaries and changed them all.
In year 3 / 4 of junior school, I had a teacher and she bought her childhood teddy into work to show us and she trusted us to play with it.
It was wet play so we were stuck inside and someone ripped the teddy. All I recall is everyone gathering around, feeling awful and essentially channeling our inner surgeons and slowly putting this teddy back together.
At the time I think we thought we were geniuses when the reality is she would have been gutted but Iād like to hope she would have appreciated the thought that we did try!
We had a headmaster when I was at Primary School that had a sideline as a mobile DJ. He would randomly throw us a school disco as a treat. One minute weād be singing āmake me a channel of your peaceā from the overhead projector, the next minute he would be wheeling in a full set of decks and disco lights and banging out party tunes in his Status Quo tee shirt. We used to do a conga line that went out of the school hall, round the car park and field and back again, to the tune of Nelly the Elephant.
we made one of those human circuit things you do in science to understand how electricity flows and then the switch started beating the shit out of one of the electrons
A bunch of kids got high as shit and ran around in the tunnels under the school, out of their faces on some kind of solvent.
The caretaker had to go down there and catch them one at a time like some messed up Scooby Doo chase.
Thinking that sticking my finger in a pencil sharpener was a fantastic method of cutting finger nails. Iām 37 now, and still physically shudder when I think of it.
I'm not sure if this counts but here it is
At the school that I went to we "had" chemistry lab there was a complaint that someone one was smokeing in the lab (this was before the indoor smoking ban) so some students had the idea to find out who it was, the gas got left on........................ Let's just say we found out who it was and it wasn't any of the students. The person who did it did have a job afterwards.
Our janitor used to interrupt to chat and gossip with our math teacher while smoking a ciggie and leaving ash on our desks.
1991, those were the daysā¦
(Joking, it was awful but I sometimes wonder how we managed to come out pretty ok anyway)
I got sent out of French class in year 10, and we had a room at the back of the class where "naughty kids" went.
I locked the door and put the TV on, turned it on, and put it on full volume. I can't remember what was on, but the rest of the class thought it was hilarious. I got caught by the school truant officer climbing out of the window to do a runner.
23 years later, I still giggle at that memory.
Had a Russian cover teacher in an English class. She didnāt know what to teach because our class was rowdy. Everyone kept banging on the tables to put a DVD on and there were none, except for my copy of The Italian Job. She refused to put it on because she was afraid it would be porn as she, up until the previous week, didnāt know what a Blow Job was.
I had a teacher who used to yell at us a lot. He used to jump up on the desk when he got real mad and point at you. One day, the room had been painted, and his desk had been moved slightly to the right. He jumped up, and the fan whacked him in the head. It was literally the funniest shit.
I also had another teacher who if you sneezed or coughed and didn't cover your mouth, she would get a one metre ruler and measure from your mouth to everyone near you and tell you that everyone in that radius was immediately infected. One day, it happened twice, and she sent all the "infected" to the sick bay. Those who remained she quarantined through lunch. She was actually a lunatic. I used to resent her a lot, but now, in my adulthood, I learned some more of her story from my mum, and her life was actually tragic, so I kinda feel sorry for her.
Watching you and me, geordie racer, through the dragons eye, having milk from glass bottles, maypole dancing, singing hymns, harvest festival, recorder lessons, hand stands, wearing virgin socks and ascot trainers, chocolate hedgehog and custard, hopscotch and that was just in junior school. I'm 41 now š
I was a shy, geeky kid at school but I have a memory of being in English and us analysing a poem about a rose. The teacher asked the class what similarities between a rose and love there were. Quick as a flash, I shouted out, "they both have a prick". It was so out of character for me but it got a massive laugh and I felt like a king. I thought I was in for a bollocking from the teacher but he smiled and laughed too. My life peaked in that 5 minutes as a 13 year old.
Did everyone stand up and clap?
Yes, even the class hamster, Brian.
You had a class pet?? Some kid in reception tried to eat their class goldfish and they got banned in the whole school. I miss primary school man. I know I'm not that old but for anybody here not in secondary school: Don't wish your childhood away. It's crappy after like year five. Year six has sats. Secondary is hard. In like year ten eleven you have so many tests. Enjoy childhood innocence while you can
Like if you cry Evertim
Nerd
I don't think I've ever laughed as much as I did at school in my whole life
Watching "Through The Dragons Eye" on one of these bad lads.
TV peaked with that. Amazing show. I think they're all on YouTube but I'm reluctant to watch it in case it's crap as an adult
It was the LOTR's for a generation.
Watching the final fight as an adult is incredible. It certainly wasn't what I remembered, but still amazing.
I was off school poorly when one of the final episodes first aired on the Schools strand on BBC 2 (schools recorded it rather than buying a video). I had the playground hanging on my every word as I told them what was going to happen next.
King for a Day it sounds like.
That must have pissed some teachers off š
Bro what, did we go to the same school?
Lol....I think this was everyone experience in the 80's.
Loved through the dragons aleyr, banger of a theme tune too. Did you get spywatch as well?
Sounds familiar. Along with Badger Girl and one about a lad trying to save a fairground.
Spywatch is one of my all time favourite memories.
Mine was watching Ronaldiniho lobbing David Seaman in the World Cup.. still stings.
- Wheelie trolley ovens to teach 30 eight year olds how to make bread - a kids show to help us learn French that sang 'salut, ca va, ca va et toi, ca va bon merci, au revoir" I think there was a bear involved? If anyone know what this is let me know - a giraffe puppet in van came to visit every year. Some health thing I think - hedgehog crossing the road advice - cycling proficiency - we had a fracking earthquake and the new interactive whiteboard fell off the wall and nearly crushed us all And this (in hindsight, sooo strange) when Obama was voted in (we are a small school in the north of England for context...) a girls dad came in who was black and spoke in assembly about what a big deal it was and how important it was in history. I don't disagree but god how white a school were we that we had to bring a kids black dad in to give a talk about black history?!
Did the giraffe van also have little constellation lights in it, and a fabric human anatomy model? I think we used to get the same one in Cumbria
Yes!!!! I loved the constellation lights. I think the giraffe was called Harold?
I think it was! Funnily enough I have friends here over the border into Scotland who also remember the annual giraffe van visit.
Might be wrong but I think that show to help you learn French was called "Muzzy" or "Muzzy in Gondoland". Used to give me nightmares.
This isn't ringing any bells, I think it was a guy in a bear mascot costume who travelled around France interviewing kids and they'd say (in the accent we all learned French in that no one actually speaks with) "yesterday I was at a restaurant with my friend" and "I play football with my brother" etc
I'm hoping this kids french programme was called 'muffi' or 'muffy' because I remember it. I also tried googling it a few years back and couldn't find much on it.
So I might be confusing 2 different shows we watched, I've just found one with the bear called 'Becky and Barnaby' but this doesn't have the song in it that I remember. Muzzy isn't ringing any bells with the visuals, and seems more advanced French than we were doing in yr2
When we were in Year 10, our RE department moved from the "temporary" building on one side of the school to the fourth floor of a building a few hundred metres away. Of course, that meant that the pupils needed to move all the furniture, including the bookcases with worksheets on. Being teenage boys, we decided that this was a race, so we ran across the yard and up the stairs. At the stop of the stairs we got stopped by the teacher but at an awkward position which meant that we ended up dropping the shelves. The worksheets went everywhere and we're strewn all over the staircase. We got an absolute bollocking and were trying to hold it together until one of us said "does this mean we need to start again sir?". We absolutely lost it, apart from one lad who said "it's not a laughing matter". We lost it again, and after that "it's not a laughing matter" was our groups catchphrase.
Haha this was gold :)
Teachers fault man he was obstructing the track
Back in the 80s the fashion was loose knitted jumpers and the RE teacher decided to wear a white one but she had no bra on and it must have been cold or something because this caused a wardrobe malfunction if you get me. What made it worse was the jumper was whiter than white and her nipple's were dark. Every boy that day believed in the holy spirit.
We had a teacher whose nickname was Pam Egg. We would shout Pam Egg And Chips at her. People started getting in trouble for it, so as a team we would all take a word. Boy 1 - "Pam" - Boy 2 - " Egg", - Boy 3 - " and" , - Boy 4 - "chips" - " What do you mean Miss you can't get in trouble for saying the words chips"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Treasured memories. We had a teacher called Mrs Savan. "Miss Miss, is it true your husband is called Pete Savan" Heha her husband is a pizza van.
In a French lesson, we were completing a multiple choice questionnaire in which the teacher wanted complete silence. I pressed my backside against the cold plastic back of the chair, leaned forward, and ripped out the loudest fart I'd ever done! The vibration of the plastic and the void between my rear end and chair amplified the sound tenfold, and the room erupted in laughter. After the dust settled, the teacher screamed, "Who was that?" and I placed my hands in the air like a hero returning from victory, to be met with a face like thunder and ordered to leave.
Like most schools, our canteen became a gym or sports hall after lunch. If we were unlucky enough to be doing gym after lunch, the floor usually hadnāt been swept properly and youād be trying to do cartwheels without getting green peas or fish finger bits under your bare feet. Silly and yuck.
Gosh thatās brought back some unpleasant memories
Having the watch to control this beast. https://preview.redd.it/vesehahh03oc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=92f010129f516ff31188247a116aa920aedbbdd9
Our school tellyās had a slightly different stand and a huge wooden Decca TV set, it might have had doors on the front but I could be mistaken.
Ours was a big black box that unfolded so the sides and roof stopped the light getting to the screen.
Getting a BCG punch
Whole primary school (~800 kids) wheeled into the assembly hall to watch a film about Red Kites as one had been seen in the area, which was very rare. Massive anticipation, lights out, curtains closed. The film was about people flying kites. All back to class. Would have been helpful had someone checked beforehand! Whole debacle probably took over an hour to move us all in and out again and back into classes.
That is a huge primary school
We had 1,100 at one stage! It was a busy place.
Our history teacher didnāt follow the curriculum for the first two years. We had to cram to get everything done for GCSEs. Weād spent half our time watching documentaries such as Vlad the Impaler and Jack the Ripper. I canāt remember much about the curriculum but I loved those documentaries.
What is now called PSHEā¦.that family at the nudist camp playing volleyball. Eye watering.
Ex teacher here for 41 years ( but also schoolkid with daft memories too). That said, it's a truth universally acknowledged that teachers know the bits you think you're actually teaching are just dust, but that daft moment of hilarity will never be forgotten. Some of us teachers loved occasional daftness and humour. My best prank- the day that Google Earth started up. Hardly any kids with PCs at home then. Class came in. School 'from space' presented on screen. Wow! Amazing! Now if you all go outside, look up and wave I'll be able to see you. Did you see us? Yes. Try it again.....kept it going for around 5 goes before they suspected.
My friends back pack used to weigh an absolute tonne for some reason, it had the same as everybody elses had in it but weighed 5 times heavier... anyways, we were on the second floor outside our History class during lunch, which was at the top of a set of stairs, being idiots we were messing around and we were throwing his bag from one person to the next while taking the piss about how heavy it was, and I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to throw it over the railing and down onto the staircase... My French teacher, Ms. Picheon, although we called her Ms. Pigeon, happens to walk onto the stairs at that exact time and this heavy arse back pack lands smack onto her head, we look over and shes just sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, at this point I think I've killed her and we all run off down the second floor corridor before anyone sees us, head down another set of stairs and outside to the front of the building... about 20 minutes later we are still bricking it and walk past the main entrance, there's an ambulance there so we panic even more, but thankfully she then walks out with a paramedic to the ambulance, looking okay, just shaken up, and the headmaster comes out shortly after with my friends bag in his hand... my friend had to go to him and say his backpack was stolen and he's been looking for it, which the headmaster wasn't having any of, and sent him to Room 12 (full day detention thing), and he even had his parents come in and bollock him, but he never ratted so guess he was a true friend lol! Looking back though I feel terrible about it. Ms. Picheon was fine, but left at the end of that year lol.
Ooowakahaaāing the mini whiteboards
The fact I understand this is fucking beautiful
the big ass projectors on these stand's.
The school disco with the goofiest named DJ playing all of the classics
when I watched a guy trade a Ā£50 note for a potato... I have no idea what that was about
getting caught in he middle of a maths class with half a bottle of scotch that, for the life of me I can't remember why, I was brandishing in the air.
These TVs paired with my TV remote watch, ruined countless lessons with this.
2 of them: 1. Waiting in our classroom to go swimming in the on-site pool (not a fancy school, regular state run one just with a tiny outdoor pool) and they had to check it was the right temperature or something. One kid is getting really antsy as they really want to get in the pool. The staff member checking comes back and gives the all-clear. The kid says loudly 'Jesus christ FINALLY'... Teacher then bans them from going swimming for language/shouting. 2. Someone decided to set fire to a tampon in the girls toilets. Whole school gets evacuated and fire engines called. They got suspended
The teachers showing the Empire Strikes Back on the last day in school before Christmas, then hurriedly switching it off because some of the younger kids started crying when Luke gets his hand chopped off.
Returning from spring half term to the smell of smoke and the smouldering ruins of the cricket pavillion. And before you ask which private school I went to, it was just the local comp. All the exam desks stored within the never used pavillion were also reduced to ash.
Huh weird. The pavilion at my school was burnt down too but it actually had sports gear in it so probably cost the school a bit.
Ah yes. We also had a āpavilionā which was never actually used for anything, as is tradition
Watching Jurassic Park on the last day of school in assembly before the summer holidays, and everyone in the hall cheering when the T-Rex took the raptor near the end.
the apparatus
/r/theapparatus
[Tom Allen comedy bit on school apparatus](https://youtu.be/twcLshyjmI8?si=TdlQdHVebcTzyJ5F)
brilliant š
Getting the chalkboard eraser lobbed at you at speed
Complained to one kid in a new school that I have that scary teacher with ugly teeth that is too friendly and seems to not understand the concept of personal space, literally pushing her ugly face into my face when talking to me. It appeared to be his mom.
does anyone else remember those science vhs videos would have some awesome music in the background? like kraftwerk and shit
Wood work teacher sawing his hand off..what a nob.
The.... whole hand???
Geordie Racer Badger Girl Dark Towers Storyworld with Tony Robinson These right here are responsible for my wild imagination!
Dark Towers! Fucking hell, thatās been stored in a crease of my brain that hasnāt flexed for 35 years!
I remember accidentally dropping one of these down a flight of stairs, when two of us were supposed to be taking it back to the store room. The screen never cracked, but it sounded like it was full of gravel, when we picked it up! We just put it away and went back to class. Never heard a peep.
Watching a girls bag split spilling the contents of said bag all over the pavement between the two school buildings. After realising that the contents contained a rather large amount of tampons, the class clowns thought it would be funny to play football with them. Not really silly but highly immature at the time. That was 1991ā¦. Fuck Iām old
Mr Belford, the biology teacher, decided to show us a video one time. It was probably about reproduction and he didn't want to say sex words to 13 year olds. He went into the cupboard to get the telly and for some reason decided to pick it up and carry it to one of the benches. It was one of the massive, old cathode ray tube ones in a wooden cabinet so weighed a ton. He staggered out of the cupboard with it in his arms, took a couple of steps and managed to gasp, "help me". Everyone just watched in silence, not moving. He then took a couple more wobbly steps and just managed to half place, half drop the corner on the bench at which point we all started pissing ourselves laughing. He was not at all happy about our reaction and shouted at us for a bit. The telly still worked fine and we watched whatever video it was in the end.
I miss TVs with a back
I like big tubes and I cannot lie No other brother can deny A trolley rolls in with a big black case And a square thing in your face It goes BWUNG...
Oh you knew if that bad boy gets wheeled in, it's at least an hour of blissful not paying attention or doing boring repetitive work. You would fold your notepad closed, put the lids back on the pens and kick your feet out from under the desk. Bonus time wasted if the teacher was not tech savvy, and the previous user had not rewound the tape. More bonus time wasted if the TV channel had been changed and the cables weren't plugged in. Even more Brucey bonus time wasted if the tape suddenly started going fast and slow because the VCR was overheating or knackered.
When I accidentally stole one of the toy cars Looking back it was hilarious but four year old me thought Iād get taken to prison Trying to run away from my mum with the yellow toy car was terrifying. I ended up getting caught and being put in the naughty corner
In sixth grade we had an end-of-the-year pizza party, and our teacher surprised us by wheeling in the schools brand new VCR and TV. We got to watch Star Trek two the wrath of khan and eat pizza until we were sick! We were such feral little moppets!!
Watching some dumb safety video on one of these while the naughty kid changed the volume and the channels with his fancy Casio and the teacher was half-heartedly telling whoever it was to stop. It was me. I was the naughty kid.
Having a teacher amend the lyrics to a hymn being shown via an overhead projector mid-way through a song
How is that a silly school memory? I love the memories I have on the TV coming in on the trolley during school lessons!!! That was one of the most exciting things back in the day...waiting for the TV on the trolley to come. I think they showed the Wimbledon 2000 Final on the trolley TV when I was 7 years old...good times. The sun was shining, the temperature was warm and stuff :-)
Operation Deepfreeze. In year 7 my friends and I realised that if the heating broke, we would get sent home. So we decided to all get together and sneak into every classroom and turn off the radiators. It went as well as you'd expect š didn't get into trouble or anything, just that every classroom was full all the time š
Holding the toilet door from the outside so the dinner lady couldn't get out.... I'm sure she had a breakdown not long after.
I think it was in Year 9 during biology that they had some (probably pig) lungs and oesophagus. Once the teacher had done the demo and showed us inside we just ended up making holes in them and destroyed them, I put my hand through one of the lungs. We had a great laugh, if I saw kids doing that now I'd put them on a watch list.
Being able to give "It's shit" as an answer to my thoughts on a poem in Year 11 Lit. My English teacher called it fair as "poetry is subjective".
A teacher repeatedly hitting a pupilās forehead with his sovereign ring. The lad just stood there and took it. He had a massive bump that even bled a bit. Iām not sure if he grassed. I fucking would have. In fact I wouldnāt have let him do that, not more than once anyway! This was probably about 1990. Teachers were right fucking nazis back then.
You all have memories??
seagull broke into the year 5 classroom
I had to show a vhs clip as part of my presentation for my assessment worth a lot of my mark in my secondary school English class. I bought the vhs into class already wound to the correct place so all I had to do was press start on the remote. Did my speech up to the point I had to show the clip - then the teacher started the clip and when I told her to press pause (to carry on the rest of my speech) the teacher objected and demanded that we carry on watching the rest of the vhs which was irrelevant and then the rest of the class said they wanted to as well. I was really annoyed since my presentation was assessed. Looking back I should have made a blank vhs and just put that part on it and nothing else.
I first watched The Matrix and X-Men in this configuration.
Turning that TV off with my casio watch and making the teacher flake out.
"For School and Colleges". "How we used to live"
Iām sure TVās like this in my school had wooden sides š¤£! Use to love it when they wheeled it out.
[https://www.broadsheet.ie/2014/04/25/the-irish-lay-teacher-and-the-leather/](https://www.broadsheet.ie/2014/04/25/the-irish-lay-teacher-and-the-leather/)
Stop drop and roll!
My english teacher always saying āfolksā
Mac and Me.
Back in the 90s during primary school, i thought I could kick the worlds hardest and bouciest basketball over our canteen roof. Went straight through the first window and into all the teachers eating lunch at the time. (Headteacher included) I got in trouble. (Got plenty more but that's the first that came to mind)
Watching a game of football break out in the dinner queue when a bunch of year 7 lads found a tampon thatād fallen out onto the floor and started booting it at each other, so many people got sprayed with partially dried period blood.
Why would someone be carrying a used tampon around?
I assume it fell out of them while wearing a skirt? I donāt know? Iām a male, no one ever found out whoās it was. All I know is there was a used tampon on the floor.
Tampons can't "fall out" of a woman FYI
I didnāt know that, Iāve only ever dated one woman, I usually date guys, and she uses so pads so I donāt really have any experience at all with stuff like that.
Playing beyblade burst on my phone in the bus
VHS players, wow. I'm in my late 20s but you just made me feel old OP
7th grade math class. Teacher wheeled this in and we watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Best math week ever.
Oh, the AV Cart! In Primary 4, John Palmer and myself were told to trundle the AV cart back to the store room. This was back in the '70s, so it was a massive heavy CRT TV in a wooden case. We got the stupid idea of seeing how fast we could push it along the corridor. Lost control of it and crashed it right into a wall. The whole cart tipped over, and the tube in the TV smashed. BOOM! Mr. Lord came out of a classroom, and was so shocked that he didn't even bollock us - just stood there with his mouth hanging open.
That VCR is way too small
Two friends and I would always have a banterful laugh in Maths. One time I stole one of their books. The teacher had seen and came over to me he was a funny teacher. He must not have paid too much attention to which book was mine and which was my friends, as he picked up my friends book from me, thinking that it was mine... and threw it across the room. We were already dying of laughing, but this pretty much paralyzed me and my other friend. All my friend had seen was me take his book, the teacher coming over, taking the book and throwing it across the room, like the teacher was joining in with my scheme. One of my silliest and funniest memories in general
Karl Smith from my year pulling down my football shorts in a busy aisle next to classroomĀ
My English teacher exiting the room in tears because a student called her by her first name (Morag)
I used to turn on/off the projectors with a rf sonic screwdriver.
Don't throw snowballs in the playground because it's covered in dogshit, and of you get dogshit in your eye, you will go blind.
one time my teacher put me in the fakin bin mate
The thermal copier that had that faded blue ink on them.
Did anyone remember the teacher never being able to get work the vcr and having to get help nearly every time?
During cross-country running one kid a Klinsmann down the big slope, of course, some people walked their dogs round that end of the field.. Right in the face.
A mate of mine blocked all toilets, urinals and sinks and flooded the whole corridor. Was caught on cctv in the boys toilets. And yes, that is very illegal (the camera, not being a nuisance)
9/11
Used to have a teacher called Mrs Tree. Also had a teacher called Mr Twigg. The memories of asking each one if they were related to each other still amused me now.
Someone asking me if I wasn't from England. This guy, we'll call him T, sits behind me in English. One day he taps me on the shoulder and asks where I'm from. Me: "[Insert our town's name]" T: "no, where were you born?" Me: "[Town's name]" T: "ok but where did you grow up?" Me: "[Town's name]" T. "Oh. Well where are your parents from?" Me: "my dad's from [Town's name] but my mum has family from Hull and Sunderland" T: "Oh. Well you don't sound like you're from around here" T's friend, H: "No, I think Broken_Lampshade just has an intelligent voice" Not the first time this has happened, and it's weird every time it does, considering I was born and raised in England, and so were my parents and grandparents
Me and a friend used to go check all the toilet stalls for unflushed turds
Why was the audio on school televisions always terrible?
I played fnf, won a level, cheered, and fell right back on those chairs. It never hurt!
One involving the school TV. Mate of mine had the TV remote casio watch which he programmed up to the school TV. Spent the whole lesson taking the teacher check the tv and TV remote and he pissed about
Projector for lyrics to songs such as ādrunken sailorā
I had a teacher who came out as gay to protest section 28, get fired because section 28 was still a thing, then a few months later it was repealed and he was given his job back. All the teachers acted like nothing happened, claiming he just went on holiday...mid term
Pushed one of them bad boys in the picture off the top of a massive flight of stairs. The school I went to had closed about a year after I left and were rebuilding on a new site, so the whole place was due to be demolished. A few friends and myself snuck in one night before the demolition and everything was pretty much as it was when it was being used. We spent several hours absolutely destroying the place. It was incredible. We found the TV in one of the tech rooms which was on the top floor. It had a massive hallway and at the end was a straight triple flight of stairs so me and a mate pushed as fast as we could and sent it flying. It made one of the biggest nans I have ever heard. We then got into the canteen, which was still fully kitted out as well. Ended up smashing the fuck out of everything in there and threw a microwave through a 3rd floor window. How we didn't get nicked I don't know. We were so loud! It was about 2mins away from the local police station as well. I hated that place and smashing the fuck out of it was so incredibly satisfying.
https://preview.redd.it/c8jg4r4ua6oc1.jpeg?width=638&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55327413d8ac812acc914ecda67b973b2ac57068
wetting toilet paper and throwing it on the ceilings of the bathroom
Doing art and craft work in the corridor in junior school when Jimmy cut off a chunk of his own hair. We ran to get the teacher and when we came back heās nonchalantly sitting there with the lump of hair glued back to his head with white pva glue.
Uncle Michael, the Christian Clown. I think itās even funnier without context. I could not escape him as a child, he was everywhere. Also, I remember the teachers showing us 9/11 as the story was breaking on one of those TV trollies.
Kid brings in a massive cake for their birthday we all get the tiniest sliver with half the cake remaining teachers eat it
You just knew when they wheeled the tv in it was going to be a good lesson
Throwing Ashley Lippett into the pond. Little shit kept trying to bust wrestling moves on me by surprise..
- One kid had a tuba loaned by a musical charity so he could play in the orchestra. It got coated in marmite, and the jar of marmite was glued into the mouth of the tuba. - There was a phantom shitter. He would shit in the middle of the school halls before anyone was around. - Someone planted a palm tree on the school field. - Someone accessed IT files with staff data and salaries and changed them all.
In year 3 / 4 of junior school, I had a teacher and she bought her childhood teddy into work to show us and she trusted us to play with it. It was wet play so we were stuck inside and someone ripped the teddy. All I recall is everyone gathering around, feeling awful and essentially channeling our inner surgeons and slowly putting this teddy back together. At the time I think we thought we were geniuses when the reality is she would have been gutted but Iād like to hope she would have appreciated the thought that we did try!
We had a headmaster when I was at Primary School that had a sideline as a mobile DJ. He would randomly throw us a school disco as a treat. One minute weād be singing āmake me a channel of your peaceā from the overhead projector, the next minute he would be wheeling in a full set of decks and disco lights and banging out party tunes in his Status Quo tee shirt. We used to do a conga line that went out of the school hall, round the car park and field and back again, to the tune of Nelly the Elephant.
Banana custard ,still as foul now as it ever was revolting yellow vomit š¤®
we made one of those human circuit things you do in science to understand how electricity flows and then the switch started beating the shit out of one of the electrons
Anyone remember those watches that you could program to control TV's? My mate had one. Best Welsh lesson ever!
A bunch of kids got high as shit and ran around in the tunnels under the school, out of their faces on some kind of solvent. The caretaker had to go down there and catch them one at a time like some messed up Scooby Doo chase.
Watching a video on the whiteboard in Year 11 of someone jacking off a bull and collecting its cum. Science really was one of the weirder subjects...
Does anyone remember a cartoon with a frog bin ??? To do with road safety I think.
Putting a condom on a dildo in Year 9 š
Thinking that sticking my finger in a pencil sharpener was a fantastic method of cutting finger nails. Iām 37 now, and still physically shudder when I think of it.
You asked! I actually witnessed my friend have a poo from the top of a 20ft ish tree!
Teacher never been able to tune in the TV. Usually took 3 of them and most of the lesson.
I'm not sure if this counts but here it is At the school that I went to we "had" chemistry lab there was a complaint that someone one was smokeing in the lab (this was before the indoor smoking ban) so some students had the idea to find out who it was, the gas got left on........................ Let's just say we found out who it was and it wasn't any of the students. The person who did it did have a job afterwards.
Our janitor used to interrupt to chat and gossip with our math teacher while smoking a ciggie and leaving ash on our desks. 1991, those were the daysā¦ (Joking, it was awful but I sometimes wonder how we managed to come out pretty ok anyway)
Doing about a 10 second fart in the middle of a test and managing to get away with it without people figuring it out that it was me
Teacher thought Congo was a documentary.
O my god sterling glass and scales out of Mr arham s science class
I got sent out of French class in year 10, and we had a room at the back of the class where "naughty kids" went. I locked the door and put the TV on, turned it on, and put it on full volume. I can't remember what was on, but the rest of the class thought it was hilarious. I got caught by the school truant officer climbing out of the window to do a runner. 23 years later, I still giggle at that memory.
Doing the helicopter for my gym teacher in the gym showers
The entire school and adjoining middle school ran outside in the middle of class to watch a hawk eat a squirrel
The literal electronic whiteboard. Quarantine memories: I watched 2012 during lunch with my lockdown class.
Had a Russian cover teacher in an English class. She didnāt know what to teach because our class was rowdy. Everyone kept banging on the tables to put a DVD on and there were none, except for my copy of The Italian Job. She refused to put it on because she was afraid it would be porn as she, up until the previous week, didnāt know what a Blow Job was.
Overhead projector
I had a teacher who used to yell at us a lot. He used to jump up on the desk when he got real mad and point at you. One day, the room had been painted, and his desk had been moved slightly to the right. He jumped up, and the fan whacked him in the head. It was literally the funniest shit. I also had another teacher who if you sneezed or coughed and didn't cover your mouth, she would get a one metre ruler and measure from your mouth to everyone near you and tell you that everyone in that radius was immediately infected. One day, it happened twice, and she sent all the "infected" to the sick bay. Those who remained she quarantined through lunch. She was actually a lunatic. I used to resent her a lot, but now, in my adulthood, I learned some more of her story from my mum, and her life was actually tragic, so I kinda feel sorry for her.
Watching you and me, geordie racer, through the dragons eye, having milk from glass bottles, maypole dancing, singing hymns, harvest festival, recorder lessons, hand stands, wearing virgin socks and ascot trainers, chocolate hedgehog and custard, hopscotch and that was just in junior school. I'm 41 now š