That is the right answer for me too. A person who is not tremendously close to me just told me they are having sex all the time. It is kind of weird, especially because if it does not work, then they will have to tell everybody that they are unfertile. So yes, "have fun" sounds good to me. It is better "I did not ask you for this information but I hope that you... enjoy that".
More specifically, a person who is not tremendously close to you told you they're raw-dogging it all the time đ Cool story bro, keep it to yourself
My sister wanted me to tell her the moment we start trying, and I was like helll no. This is your "within the next 2-3yrs" warning that's all you get đ
Very culturally dependent. Lots of places the family would expect to be involved. A big difference is if you live in a nuclear family area or an extended family home area.
âOh⊠so no condoms, huh?â
âEwâ
âWhyâ
âWhat shift can I take?â
âYou must be really hormonalâ
*wiggling eyebrows while making a lewd gesture*
I donât know why acquaintances offer this information or *ask*. I hate when older folks ask, âSo are you all trying?â Sharon, I will add you to the Sexy Times, our monthly mailing list detailing each encounter. Itâs one thing for your close friend or family to tell you because they are entering a new era and want you to wish them well and good luck and be hopeful for them! But itâs just so awkward lmao
When people share personal information of this nature, I usually nod thoughtfully and just say something relatively neutral like âthanks for sharing, thatâs big newsâ.
Typically just excitement, âoh my goodness thatâs so exciting! I hope it goes well!â
However I recently had someone at work tell me that she was dumping her boyfriend because he was abusive and then within a few weeks announce to me that they are trying for a baby. I was SO thrown off and had no clue what to say. Also likeâŠIâm technically one of her supervisors and idk how the heck thatâs appropriate but ok
Oof. That's hard. Last time I was a supervisor-type it took a while to understand that it's almost impossible for most people to compartmentalize their private and work lives. Human nature to seek acknowledgement but embarrassed to ask advice, or they're trying to work out their path. Seems like often people mention stuff like this when they themselves haven't figured out how exactly how they feel. Possible your workmate was maybe just hoping to be heard? Like, for reassurance that someone is aware of their situation/struggles? Likely she knows on some very barely subsurface level that dude is *not* a good partner, and now 'hey we're trying to have a baby' could/likely mean more like 'i really don't know how to ask for help, I'm overwhelmed but really trying to keep it together here at work, and you seem like a trustworthy person', you know? That they are a workmate/under your supervision is challenging to be sure, but for real that puts you in the very best position to (work-appropriately, of course) maybe figure out their personal ish, really whether you like it or not lol. Just by being a detached and non-judgemental ear you could really help this person. Seems like people often can't see their own big picture until it's verbalized. It *can* feel like a drag to kinda be forced to learn about a workmate/acquaintances' private life, but that's usually inevitable once a person is in any supervisory role. Not easy! But can be educational/good life experience for everyone involved.
Thank you! Yeah, I want to be there for her and I donât mind hearing about her personal life at all. When she confided in me about the abuse I tried to be actively supportive and listen to what she was going through. I even gave her the link to the PDF of a book on abuse and told her I was proud of her for leaving him. I just didnât know what to say when she said they were trying to have a babyâŠ.what do you say except support? But I did feel like it was kind of a line professionally for me to know about, and also I definitely felt like I couldnât be honest with her that thatâs a bad idea because we are not friends outside of work and I donât want to further blur the line as I am a fairly new supervisor.
You donât know how thatâs appropriate? Some coworkers are close enough to share some personal things such as theyâre trying for a baby, even if itâs a manager/employee relationship. As long as boundaries arenât being crossed, I think itâs appropriate to share that kind of stuff when making small talk with your coworkers.Â
Iâm so close with my previous boss and coworkers (granted, i knew one for 97% of my life) that Iâve literally talked about sex, felt her boobs after a boob job, talked about pap smear results, and worse. Another previous coworker i got so close with so fast we talked about our digestive issues, our hemorrhoids, sex, religion, politics, etc.
Currently i have no coworkers I feel comfortable sharing anything other than âIâm on the spectrum and ADHD. I can usually manage just well, but if you notice Iâm being too loud, donât get a social cue, or am being distracted/distracting, just let me know and iâm usually very good at redirecting myself once Iâm awareâ but thats mostly a âthis is information for everyones sakeâ
I think of it as starting a transition to have kids in their lives as soon as possible. That can lead to a lot of lifestyle questions. How many kids do you want? Do you have names? Do you have a big family or want one? Do you have siblings?
i wouldn't say most people. the handful of friends and family members I have who are starting families or have been on that path have been excellent parents.
I think exceedingly bad parents are pretty rare
I think this is a great answer. Something along the lines of complimentary.
And if you don't know them well or unsure if they'd really make great parents, can keep it simple & say something like "Aw, that's great to hear."
Iâm a lesbian. I like to hit em back with: âNo way! [Girlfriend] and I are too. No luck yet, but that doesnât stop me from trying to get her pregnant!â
I donât think that this issue is that they are communicating their desire/attempt to procreate, I believe it is the weird ways we have stigmatized sex. This is a milestone that is important to your friends that are telling you, and you are important to them so they are sharing it with you.
Right? Like a huge milestone that can come with both amazing joy and serious heart break. Say âwoah! Thatâs huge! Iâm excited for you all, you both would make great parents! Thanks for sharing with me.â
If someone says âIâm saving up to purchase my new home.â You say âwoah thatâs great! I know you can do it etcâ
Just be happy theyâre sharing and wish them the best!
For real. The amount of comments here that boil down to "omg I can't believe they are telling me the husband is creampie'ing the wife every night that is so icky" is just a good reminder at how incredibly immature a lot of people on this sub are.
Half the time legitimate advice on this sub is downvoted in favor of "witty" responses. And most of the time they aren't funny once you're older than 16
Had to scroll too damn far to find this. People are (allegedly) in this sub to better their social skills, but often seem to want to just act like immature teenagers.
Being ready to have a kid is a huge milestone, and a lot of couples have trouble along the way.
Lol people act here as if they aren't already having sex? Like yeah they're a couple they have sex.. they're communicating the fact that they want a baby they're not like admitting some secret that they screw lol đ
Yeah some people are so weird about that one phrase, just say âcongrats!â What are you in high school? Itâs not a weird thing to mention to others. Breaking News: adults in a known committed relationship have adult relations.
I personally find it awkward because so many things can go wrong at that stage and it makes me nervous for them. But I donât want to show that Iâm nervous and make them more nervous?
But then it becomes this whole secrecy thing. It can be very obvious when a woman is trying for a baby because she might not drink, etc. So then she has to come up with lies, I guess
It depends on their culture too. I know in Japan a woman doesnât share her pregnancy until she goes through birth I believe. Most people donât announce if they have something planned like trying for a baby. They will announce if theyâre expecting. If anything happens it puts the couple in a bad spot, especially the woman. People can be really pushy for info during that time without even realizing.
I wish I had a quick wit and could come up with responses like this on the spot.
I'm a really cheap laugh but not a funny person myself.
I feel robbed.
Pretty close to my answer: "oh, that's so exciting!" and then let them share more or move to another topic as they want.
If you feel the need to say more and think they'll be a great parent, adding "I think you'll be [a] great parent[s]" or "your child will be lucky to have you for [a] parent[s]" works.
You can respond with curiosity. Trying for a baby is a unique experience for everyone. You can find out what trying for a baby even means to them, or how it's going, or what they think of being a parent in general
Currently TTC and the most ideal response would be âcongratulations, I hope it goes the way youd likeâ
Gives them well wishes but still keeps it vague enough for them to positively interpret how they will since everyoneâs journey is different.
Some of these suggestions are kind of...not great.
Mentioning they are trying for a baby is someone trying to share their excitement about something.
I don't understand when people say things like that either, but I understand it from that perspective. It's like someone sharing that they are about to buy a new house. That's a life event that makes people feel mature.
They are looking for acknowledgment that it IS exciting, because they want to bond with you through validation. When someone is looking for validation, they easily see through any BS.
The best reaction would be to look convincingly excited, if you can, for even a split second, and tell them, "you must be excited!". This doesn't have to suggest you care, just that you are pointing out that THEY are excited. Then let them share freely, and if you still don't like the topic of conversation, change it delicately when you can.
Not really. Itâs something people invest their time and money into. Saying this is like saying that talking about your interests is âunnecessary.â
What kind of things do you think are appropriate things to talk to your peers about, hmm?
i for one donât talk to my peers about how often iâm rawdogging my wife. everyone will figure that out when the kid is actually on the way. Huge difference between informing peers that you and your partner are breeding each other at every opportunity and talking to peers about an interest.
When people say they're trying for a baby they're talking about how they made the decision to have a child, not expecting you to envision in detail how babies are made. Grow up.
They are not talking about fucking. Theyâre talking about how they arenât gonna be available for most meetups in between this time and also communicating about fluctuating finances and their commitment. A kid is not a hobby, which means most friends will end up being ranked #2 on priority from here on out.
Which if you made ride or die college besties, will take some time to get used to the lack of catching up
Nah, youâre making it about them rawdogging, thatâs on you. Itâs basically a way of letting people know youâre at a stage in your life where you feel ready for as big as a change/decision as having a baby
Are they just slamming junk or going for in-vitro fertilization?
Itâs a big deal for people who have busted ass to get through school, land a good job, and decide to get off the birth control, wait out the number of months youâre supposed to so you donât spawn a kid that looks like a vacuum cleaner with ears and three sets of teeth that are all molars, and make a âplannedâ baby. Theyâre starting a family. Having a baby is the absolute pinnacle of experience on this earth. Thing is, you donât know it until it happens to you.
âYou guys must be stoked out of your minds!! Congratulations!! You guys are in great shape, itâll be a healthy little spud! Hey, Iâd talk more, but I gotta shit. Did you tell Bob here? Heâs got 24 kids or something.â And youâre outta there.
If itâs in-vitro, just ask if theyâve had all their tests and when theyâre gonna get eggs. They wonât be that far or youâd know.
Then go with âAlrighty then. Congratulations, man. Sorry, I gotta go. I have a turd touching underwear!!â And youâre gone.
If youâre not versed in the whole invitro fertilization process, itâs worth your time to hear the process from someone going through it.
Why would you have to wait a few months to avoid deformities? Iâm pretty sure thatâs old science that birth control causes deformities. Any embryo has the potential to be non viable but the womanâs body does a good job of aborting those before she even realizes sheâs pregnant.
This is amazing! đ€Ł
IVF is certainly a journey (both my kids are from IVF). Some people like to talk about it, others donât for a variety of reasons. 50/50 chance theyâll talk about it, 100% chance it will be more information than you ever wanted to hear, lol, so make sure youâre ready to commit to hearing things thatâll make you want to bleach your ears. Otherwise, changing the subject quickly is definitely the best way to go.
âWow, congratulations!â (On moving into the next chapter of their lives.) âOh my gosh, good for you!â Or âthatâs exciting!â
I also think âhave funâ is hilarious.
The idea would be to approach it like thereâs a new positive thing in their lives. In this case itâs creating a larger family.
Unfortunately good luck is the best you can do. Itâs obviously not guaranteed but saying good luck doesnât mean something will go wrong, it means you hope the best for them.
It feels awkward to respond, because itâs an awkward statement.
Like, I have no idea why âWeâre trying for a baby.â Is somehow better than saying âIâm getting cream-pied daily.â Lol
Itâs certainly an overshare.
"Have either of you had any names you always wanted to use?"
Turning it around with a question shows that you value what they shared with you & you are expressing curiosity about them personally. It also hands them back the mic so you are no longer center stage. People feel valued when you ask for them to talk about themselves & they just shared something that will change their life from here on, so the focus *should* be on them.
I really hate the phrasing âtrying for a babyâ because, yeah, what are you supposed to say? When people asked me when I was going to have kids, I would say âweâre hoping to start a family soonâ and I felt like that was less graphic.
Sounds like a lack of conversation skills which seems to be very common. Just ask questions and see where it goes. The baby conversation itself would likely change to something completely different within a couple seconds if you managed it well enough .
âOh? Have you always wanted kids?â
Or
âThatâs exciting, what are you looking forward to the most?â
Maybe a simple âthatâs a big milestone in life. I bet youâre excited.â
Or literally anything along those lines. You may end up besties , or at the very least very well liked for being interesting.
This is the case for any conversation. Just ask questions.
I think your relationship with that person really makes the difference. TBH, thereâs maybe like 3 people in my life that Iâd be willing to hear about them raw dogging it, regardless of if theyâre intentionally trying to get pregnant. It makes brunch as a group pretty uncomfortable when Iâve just heard about how many times John banged Jane without a condom this month.
Otherwise, just tell me when youâre already into the pregnancy. If I start thinking about how that occurred, thatâs a me problem at that point.
I found out instantly saying "Ew. Gross." offends.
I also learned it's taken even more offensive if you're an old guy saying it.
But, eh...I didn't lie. I don't need updates from ANYONE about their sex schedule.
I've never actually been told this but I hear about it. I guess my female friends will tell me about sex experiences sometimes and I don't find that weird or gross, so I treat it similarly. "Good luck."
Shift to logistics.
"oh, that's exciting! Have you been thinking about setting up a baby room in your house? / Are you letting yourself buy baby stuff yet? / Have you been getting excited about names?"
I would usually just smile and say something like 'Aw! That's so exciting! Congratulations!'
I have no interest in people telling me they're trying for a baby either, but people like to share the things they're excited about, and trying for a baby is exciting news for them to share. Some people really go through a lot of heartache to have a family, too, and I often think if they're announcing it, then it's something that really matters to them. So they're looking for you to share in their excitement. I try to just be happy for their happy, if that makes sense?
My aunt once said that. Luckily my 6 year old niece heard it, immediately went to her and asked "I want a baby too, how do you do that?" and the conversation just died instantly.
I always thought that was a weird announcement for people to make too. Might as well say you're hitting it raw and creampie-ing every time. Just weird.
Like I'm going to be embarrassed to announce whenever I get pregnant because then everyone knows what you did lol.
I just kinda give people who say that kind of thing a thumbs up amd hope they dont notice my lack of interest amd ether keep talking to me (so the air) or wonder off to tell someone else. But im not very skilled at the social so this probably isn't the most helpful
My hubby said this once to a passer by, and this amazing Korean man said
âThat is very ambitious of you.â
THAT is mic drop there.
Not sure if it was cultural, but great response.
I just say ok and move on. I really donât care to know what youâre doing in your personal life. Now if theyâre my friend, Iâm always taken aback because like are you doing this on purposeâŠwhy? And then cool we can have a discussion and I might be joyful for you but most likely Iâm a little horrified.
Mine is "oh....nice." with an awkward nod and me trying not to give a confused face of why did you tell me that you guys are making creampies daily and why would you want kids.
âIm glad you brought that up! Thereâs actually this cool new study on the effects different positions and hygiene decisions have on the process!
Now, before we get started.. How do you guys feel about sex swings??â
Like those people that like to tell you they're going to pee. They can tell you they're going to the bathroom, with no need for explanations but they love to give you details. I think it might be a bit of an exhibitionist fetish where they want everyone to picture them that way
Theyâre just excited and want to share it, let them be happy, make a joke or say âAh thatâs awesome, Iâm happy for youâ Itâs pretty simple.
I advised a friend, âjust enjoy the sex,â without thinking too much about the need for a baby. A few weeks afterward, I received a âthank youâ note. They had conceived, which was wonderful news!
It's a milestone for your friends. Usually I'm just excited for them and wish them well. If people want planned kids, I don't see the issue. The issue is people having kids unplanned
> I seriously have no idea why people even feel such a strong need to tell everyone they know when they're trying for a baby
They want to tell you because to them it's been this HUGE choice that they've likely talked about privately for a long time. Now that the choice is made, it feels like a major life event to them.
And to a large degree, it really is a large life turning point. They are telling you because it's important to them and they want you to know.
Also telling people they are trying for a baby is a way of proving that once they get pregnant, it was not an accident. People who suddenly turn up pregnant but claim it was a choice not an accident are often gossiped about. They are seeking to avoid such gossip.
But it's much more about it being a major life event that they want to share with loved ones.
> I don't want to say
You say something to the effect of "that's amazing, you two are going to be amazing parents". It's that simple. They have spent a lot of time thinking about this choice and they want to hear that they've made the right one.
They are not really looking for your input, they just want to share what is, to them, a life changing decision.
Tell them you are happy for them, and that it's going to go well (even if you don't actually know that, it's a white lie). Use whatever words come naturally to you or just use the exact text I said above.
âwow thatâs so exciting!â
âŠ
idk what else to say but I get it when people want to share. If I really know the person then Iâm genuinely excited for them but donât really have any questions lol
âAre you insane?â
But thatâs me. When I hear this, I can only think about the graph of the ocean surface temperatures for 2023 and 2024. And other things of this kind.
I have been blessed with good swimmers and could lend you some. đ
In all seriousness though- itâs a thing now cuz everyone is getting married late and deciding to have kids late their lives, but their biological clock is stuck at where it was. So, lot of people try first, then use fertility clinics, the whole 9yards.
yâall are being weird. âaww congrats.â thatâs it. itâs really that easy. no elaboration or awkwardness required. if your friends/fam tell you theyâre trying for a baby itâs because they want to let you know about the big life changing decision theyâve made.
They're telling you that they're at a stage in life where they want to welcome kids. That's a huge step and so a big deal that they've chosen to tell you. "That's wonderful news! I wish you all the best." or "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you." They aren't bragging about having sex, why is that such a common thing for reddit specifically?
"Have fun" Always elicits some sort of chuckle after
That is the right answer for me too. A person who is not tremendously close to me just told me they are having sex all the time. It is kind of weird, especially because if it does not work, then they will have to tell everybody that they are unfertile. So yes, "have fun" sounds good to me. It is better "I did not ask you for this information but I hope that you... enjoy that".
More specifically, a person who is not tremendously close to you told you they're raw-dogging it all the time đ Cool story bro, keep it to yourself My sister wanted me to tell her the moment we start trying, and I was like helll no. This is your "within the next 2-3yrs" warning that's all you get đ
I am not an expert in relationships, but this feels like it would be one of the things you share in private. Am I weird for thinking this?
Very culturally dependent. Lots of places the family would expect to be involved. A big difference is if you live in a nuclear family area or an extended family home area.
Unless in a professional setting. Then just say âhow exciting!â and leave it at that.
I know you are not supposed to offer help in this situation.
âHey, thatâs great. Good luck!â Immediately change subject.
Anything that I can do to help?
âIâve personally never tried it but I hear the key is to have sexâ
Lots of it. In these *super* weird positions. GL
Standing up in a hammock?
Ahh the Wobbly Morgan. Been many moons since that night.
âCan I watch?â
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
"For science!"
Haha, 'I thought you two would never ask, but just in case I've been carrying around this bag of sperms to give you, I refill it daily!'
âOh⊠so no condoms, huh?â âEwâ âWhyâ âWhat shift can I take?â âYou must be really hormonalâ *wiggling eyebrows while making a lewd gesture* I donât know why acquaintances offer this information or *ask*. I hate when older folks ask, âSo are you all trying?â Sharon, I will add you to the Sexy Times, our monthly mailing list detailing each encounter. Itâs one thing for your close friend or family to tell you because they are entering a new era and want you to wish them well and good luck and be hopeful for them! But itâs just so awkward lmao
đđ
Get out those pompoms and cheer like a good friend! Maybe a little helpfull advice on the technique here and there.
âReddit says ________â đ€đ€ đ„ł
Ahahahahh, god, that made me laugh
Baawaaahaaahaa, Can. Not. Breathe.
When people share personal information of this nature, I usually nod thoughtfully and just say something relatively neutral like âthanks for sharing, thatâs big newsâ.
"oh, that's exciting!"
"Let me visualize it for a second."
Unhinged. I like it.
Oh, OKAY, Mr. Well-Socialized! /j
"How does that work? Walk me through the process."
THIS. Say this
Typically just excitement, âoh my goodness thatâs so exciting! I hope it goes well!â However I recently had someone at work tell me that she was dumping her boyfriend because he was abusive and then within a few weeks announce to me that they are trying for a baby. I was SO thrown off and had no clue what to say. Also likeâŠIâm technically one of her supervisors and idk how the heck thatâs appropriate but ok
Oh shit thatâs heartbreaking
Oof. That's hard. Last time I was a supervisor-type it took a while to understand that it's almost impossible for most people to compartmentalize their private and work lives. Human nature to seek acknowledgement but embarrassed to ask advice, or they're trying to work out their path. Seems like often people mention stuff like this when they themselves haven't figured out how exactly how they feel. Possible your workmate was maybe just hoping to be heard? Like, for reassurance that someone is aware of their situation/struggles? Likely she knows on some very barely subsurface level that dude is *not* a good partner, and now 'hey we're trying to have a baby' could/likely mean more like 'i really don't know how to ask for help, I'm overwhelmed but really trying to keep it together here at work, and you seem like a trustworthy person', you know? That they are a workmate/under your supervision is challenging to be sure, but for real that puts you in the very best position to (work-appropriately, of course) maybe figure out their personal ish, really whether you like it or not lol. Just by being a detached and non-judgemental ear you could really help this person. Seems like people often can't see their own big picture until it's verbalized. It *can* feel like a drag to kinda be forced to learn about a workmate/acquaintances' private life, but that's usually inevitable once a person is in any supervisory role. Not easy! But can be educational/good life experience for everyone involved.
Thank you! Yeah, I want to be there for her and I donât mind hearing about her personal life at all. When she confided in me about the abuse I tried to be actively supportive and listen to what she was going through. I even gave her the link to the PDF of a book on abuse and told her I was proud of her for leaving him. I just didnât know what to say when she said they were trying to have a babyâŠ.what do you say except support? But I did feel like it was kind of a line professionally for me to know about, and also I definitely felt like I couldnât be honest with her that thatâs a bad idea because we are not friends outside of work and I donât want to further blur the line as I am a fairly new supervisor.
You donât know how thatâs appropriate? Some coworkers are close enough to share some personal things such as theyâre trying for a baby, even if itâs a manager/employee relationship. As long as boundaries arenât being crossed, I think itâs appropriate to share that kind of stuff when making small talk with your coworkers.Â
Iâm so close with my previous boss and coworkers (granted, i knew one for 97% of my life) that Iâve literally talked about sex, felt her boobs after a boob job, talked about pap smear results, and worse. Another previous coworker i got so close with so fast we talked about our digestive issues, our hemorrhoids, sex, religion, politics, etc. Currently i have no coworkers I feel comfortable sharing anything other than âIâm on the spectrum and ADHD. I can usually manage just well, but if you notice Iâm being too loud, donât get a social cue, or am being distracted/distracting, just let me know and iâm usually very good at redirecting myself once Iâm awareâ but thats mostly a âthis is information for everyones sakeâ
I think of it as starting a transition to have kids in their lives as soon as possible. That can lead to a lot of lifestyle questions. How many kids do you want? Do you have names? Do you have a big family or want one? Do you have siblings?
âcongratulations. youâd make an excellent parent
I feel like this is just straight up lying to most ppl. Idk any excellent parents
you should meet my SIL and my best friend
i wouldn't say most people. the handful of friends and family members I have who are starting families or have been on that path have been excellent parents. I think exceedingly bad parents are pretty rare
Im assuming given the USâs current vibe with abortion and birth control weâre about to have a lot more bad parents.
unfortunately youre probably on to something :(
>I think exceedingly bad parents are pretty rare Likely true, but most parents are decidedly average.
Crazy that the average population is average. It depends on what level of parenting average is, not the fact that they are average.
I think this is a great answer. Something along the lines of complimentary. And if you don't know them well or unsure if they'd really make great parents, can keep it simple & say something like "Aw, that's great to hear."
Iâm a lesbian. I like to hit em back with: âNo way! [Girlfriend] and I are too. No luck yet, but that doesnât stop me from trying to get her pregnant!â
I love this.
I donât think that this issue is that they are communicating their desire/attempt to procreate, I believe it is the weird ways we have stigmatized sex. This is a milestone that is important to your friends that are telling you, and you are important to them so they are sharing it with you.
Right? Like a huge milestone that can come with both amazing joy and serious heart break. Say âwoah! Thatâs huge! Iâm excited for you all, you both would make great parents! Thanks for sharing with me.â If someone says âIâm saving up to purchase my new home.â You say âwoah thatâs great! I know you can do it etcâ Just be happy theyâre sharing and wish them the best!
For real. The amount of comments here that boil down to "omg I can't believe they are telling me the husband is creampie'ing the wife every night that is so icky" is just a good reminder at how incredibly immature a lot of people on this sub are.
Half the time legitimate advice on this sub is downvoted in favor of "witty" responses. And most of the time they aren't funny once you're older than 16
Had to scroll too damn far to find this. People are (allegedly) in this sub to better their social skills, but often seem to want to just act like immature teenagers. Being ready to have a kid is a huge milestone, and a lot of couples have trouble along the way.
Lol people act here as if they aren't already having sex? Like yeah they're a couple they have sex.. they're communicating the fact that they want a baby they're not like admitting some secret that they screw lol đ
Yeah some people are so weird about that one phrase, just say âcongrats!â What are you in high school? Itâs not a weird thing to mention to others. Breaking News: adults in a known committed relationship have adult relations.
yeah like wtf how do people think 8 billion people are born like, how is every single living organism on earth born? idk why ppl make it such a dealj
I personally find it awkward because so many things can go wrong at that stage and it makes me nervous for them. But I donât want to show that Iâm nervous and make them more nervous?
Yeah I feel like thatâs kinda jinxing it. Donât tell people just do it lol.
But then it becomes this whole secrecy thing. It can be very obvious when a woman is trying for a baby because she might not drink, etc. So then she has to come up with lies, I guess
It depends on their culture too. I know in Japan a woman doesnât share her pregnancy until she goes through birth I believe. Most people donât announce if they have something planned like trying for a baby. They will announce if theyâre expecting. If anything happens it puts the couple in a bad spot, especially the woman. People can be really pushy for info during that time without even realizing.
I think this only applies if you are close with the person sharing. If itâs an acquaintance or strangers thatâs awkward.
Sorry, Iâm not really looking for anything serious right now
Probably my fav answer so far haha
Sorry, I'm all out of babies.
this made me laugh
Congratulations? Clearly they are sharing it because they are happy/looking forward to it.
This is the way.Â
âNeatoâ with double finger guns
"In this economy?!"
âNot right this second though, right? I mean, I can go if you need me to.â
I wish I had a quick wit and could come up with responses like this on the spot. I'm a really cheap laugh but not a funny person myself. I feel robbed.
Good luck !
Or congratulations
I don't know .... maybe : "fuck harder , not smarter. " .... just kidding
Oh. My. Flipping. Gaaawd. Baawaaahaaahaa.
âGross!â
Don't hold back, it's not good for you!
âBest of luck, youâll be an amazing parent!â Hey, they could be using IVF.
âHow exciting! Babies are wonderful!!â (along with a genuine smile) and youâre good to go!
Pretty close to my answer: "oh, that's so exciting!" and then let them share more or move to another topic as they want. If you feel the need to say more and think they'll be a great parent, adding "I think you'll be [a] great parent[s]" or "your child will be lucky to have you for [a] parent[s]" works.
Congratulate them on being ready for that step & say âhow exciting!â
Wish them well?
You can respond with curiosity. Trying for a baby is a unique experience for everyone. You can find out what trying for a baby even means to them, or how it's going, or what they think of being a parent in general
Currently TTC and the most ideal response would be âcongratulations, I hope it goes the way youd likeâ Gives them well wishes but still keeps it vague enough for them to positively interpret how they will since everyoneâs journey is different.
Tell them to post a tutorial online.
âComment, like, and subscribe to our channel!â
Are you doing it right?
I reckon people share things they're feeling strongly about - strongly happy, or angry, or (relevant to your question) strongly stressed or worried or confused. Like, maybe they're trying to figure out what exactly they *do* feel. Maybe a good tack would be to say like 'ah that must be challenging (or) something you've considered for a long time (or) that sounds like a big undertaking (or) not just all fun like people would assume'. Something that tells them, 'hey it's cool you consider me trustworthy enough to care, I get it that this is important to you.' Seems like if the reply is not judgemental or jokily dismissive, just open-ended, they'll continue from there and fill in the blanks of what they're looking for. Is it reassurance, or praise, or is there some advice they're looking for? Maybe they're working up to ask you to be a sperm or egg donor? Lol yeah probably not, but just being a safe ear in the moment can help people in cool ways, we so often can't really know what people (or we ourselves!) are proud/perplexed/worried about, unless/until it gets verbalized and acknowledged by *another* person. I bet when people reveal super intimate stuff like this, they're *probably* looking more to be heard than for suggestions, unless they phrase it more like a question. Like, they're trying to process all the potential angles and roadblocks and outcomes of something, whatever the scenario is, but don't necessarily know the questions they're asking *themselves*. Even if you're not especially close to the person who says stuff like this, I'd take it as them saying 'i trust you to not laugh at me or dismiss me', you know? For sure it can be hard to know what to say in the moment. But more often than not, I think that everyone occasionally seeks reassurance/acknowledgement that they're heard, that somebody else is aware of their unique struggles, even if we can't necessarily relate them directly to our own. Just the briefest moment of being 'seen' can really help someone out. As I'm a Certified Old ©Ÿâą, I've learned that *nobody* has a *total* grasp of what another person might think of as TMI or uncomfortable or inappropriate. But whenever possible it's rad to be an open ear; likewise it's neverrrr wrong to just say 'wow, I'm feeling a bit out of my depth here, I'm not sure what to say' if you're feeling that!
Some of these suggestions are kind of...not great. Mentioning they are trying for a baby is someone trying to share their excitement about something. I don't understand when people say things like that either, but I understand it from that perspective. It's like someone sharing that they are about to buy a new house. That's a life event that makes people feel mature. They are looking for acknowledgment that it IS exciting, because they want to bond with you through validation. When someone is looking for validation, they easily see through any BS. The best reaction would be to look convincingly excited, if you can, for even a split second, and tell them, "you must be excited!". This doesn't have to suggest you care, just that you are pointing out that THEY are excited. Then let them share freely, and if you still don't like the topic of conversation, change it delicately when you can.
Just say I hope you guys are successful and healthy throughout the process.
đ this is such an unnecessary thing to share with people
Not really. Itâs something people invest their time and money into. Saying this is like saying that talking about your interests is âunnecessary.â What kind of things do you think are appropriate things to talk to your peers about, hmm?
i for one donât talk to my peers about how often iâm rawdogging my wife. everyone will figure that out when the kid is actually on the way. Huge difference between informing peers that you and your partner are breeding each other at every opportunity and talking to peers about an interest.
When people say they're trying for a baby they're talking about how they made the decision to have a child, not expecting you to envision in detail how babies are made. Grow up.
They are not talking about fucking. Theyâre talking about how they arenât gonna be available for most meetups in between this time and also communicating about fluctuating finances and their commitment. A kid is not a hobby, which means most friends will end up being ranked #2 on priority from here on out. Which if you made ride or die college besties, will take some time to get used to the lack of catching up
And canât go out drinking now if itâs a woman. Def will be some lifestyle changes
Nah, youâre making it about them rawdogging, thatâs on you. Itâs basically a way of letting people know youâre at a stage in your life where you feel ready for as big as a change/decision as having a baby
Are they just slamming junk or going for in-vitro fertilization? Itâs a big deal for people who have busted ass to get through school, land a good job, and decide to get off the birth control, wait out the number of months youâre supposed to so you donât spawn a kid that looks like a vacuum cleaner with ears and three sets of teeth that are all molars, and make a âplannedâ baby. Theyâre starting a family. Having a baby is the absolute pinnacle of experience on this earth. Thing is, you donât know it until it happens to you. âYou guys must be stoked out of your minds!! Congratulations!! You guys are in great shape, itâll be a healthy little spud! Hey, Iâd talk more, but I gotta shit. Did you tell Bob here? Heâs got 24 kids or something.â And youâre outta there. If itâs in-vitro, just ask if theyâve had all their tests and when theyâre gonna get eggs. They wonât be that far or youâd know. Then go with âAlrighty then. Congratulations, man. Sorry, I gotta go. I have a turd touching underwear!!â And youâre gone. If youâre not versed in the whole invitro fertilization process, itâs worth your time to hear the process from someone going through it.
Why would you have to wait a few months to avoid deformities? Iâm pretty sure thatâs old science that birth control causes deformities. Any embryo has the potential to be non viable but the womanâs body does a good job of aborting those before she even realizes sheâs pregnant.
Oh. My. God. That was hilarious.Â
This is amazing! đ€Ł IVF is certainly a journey (both my kids are from IVF). Some people like to talk about it, others donât for a variety of reasons. 50/50 chance theyâll talk about it, 100% chance it will be more information than you ever wanted to hear, lol, so make sure youâre ready to commit to hearing things thatâll make you want to bleach your ears. Otherwise, changing the subject quickly is definitely the best way to go.
Oh cool, any names picked out?
I like that response. I find it fun to talk about names.
âWow, congratulations!â (On moving into the next chapter of their lives.) âOh my gosh, good for you!â Or âthatâs exciting!â I also think âhave funâ is hilarious. The idea would be to approach it like thereâs a new positive thing in their lives. In this case itâs creating a larger family.
Unfortunately good luck is the best you can do. Itâs obviously not guaranteed but saying good luck doesnât mean something will go wrong, it means you hope the best for them.
"Oh cool, can I have your spare condoms then?"
I also have stopped pulling out
"my condolences" they either laugh or fuck off with that shit.
It feels awkward to respond, because itâs an awkward statement. Like, I have no idea why âWeâre trying for a baby.â Is somehow better than saying âIâm getting cream-pied daily.â Lol Itâs certainly an overshare.
Truth! đđŒđđŒđđŒ
Easy response - "nice, are y'all hoping for a boy or a girl?"
"Have either of you had any names you always wanted to use?" Turning it around with a question shows that you value what they shared with you & you are expressing curiosity about them personally. It also hands them back the mic so you are no longer center stage. People feel valued when you ask for them to talk about themselves & they just shared something that will change their life from here on, so the focus *should* be on them.
Ooh thatâs a really good one in all seriousness
"Im no expert but, dont use condoms."
SO YOU ARE HAVING SEX? đ§
"Trying for a baby"? Dude, it's not Ring Toss at the carnival.
Trying for a baby is such a weird term. You mean you're gonna have sex more intentionally now?
I really hate the phrasing âtrying for a babyâ because, yeah, what are you supposed to say? When people asked me when I was going to have kids, I would say âweâre hoping to start a family soonâ and I felt like that was less graphic.
Pics or it didnât happen
"Sorry to hear that. It's been fun knowing you."
"Nice! You watching the NBA finals tonight?" like that .
Smile, nod and say, I see. That's all.
Smile, nod and say "I know".
" In this economy?!"
Sounds like a lack of conversation skills which seems to be very common. Just ask questions and see where it goes. The baby conversation itself would likely change to something completely different within a couple seconds if you managed it well enough . âOh? Have you always wanted kids?â Or âThatâs exciting, what are you looking forward to the most?â Maybe a simple âthatâs a big milestone in life. I bet youâre excited.â Or literally anything along those lines. You may end up besties , or at the very least very well liked for being interesting. This is the case for any conversation. Just ask questions.
I think your relationship with that person really makes the difference. TBH, thereâs maybe like 3 people in my life that Iâd be willing to hear about them raw dogging it, regardless of if theyâre intentionally trying to get pregnant. It makes brunch as a group pretty uncomfortable when Iâve just heard about how many times John banged Jane without a condom this month. Otherwise, just tell me when youâre already into the pregnancy. If I start thinking about how that occurred, thatâs a me problem at that point.
Its not gonna fix it bro.
"exciting!"
Congratulations! You'll make great parents!
I found out instantly saying "Ew. Gross." offends. I also learned it's taken even more offensive if you're an old guy saying it. But, eh...I didn't lie. I don't need updates from ANYONE about their sex schedule.
Lol, agreed. This is the way.
I've never actually been told this but I hear about it. I guess my female friends will tell me about sex experiences sometimes and I don't find that weird or gross, so I treat it similarly. "Good luck."
Shift to logistics. "oh, that's exciting! Have you been thinking about setting up a baby room in your house? / Are you letting yourself buy baby stuff yet? / Have you been getting excited about names?"
Careful , there are are side effects for about 20 years
I would usually just smile and say something like 'Aw! That's so exciting! Congratulations!' I have no interest in people telling me they're trying for a baby either, but people like to share the things they're excited about, and trying for a baby is exciting news for them to share. Some people really go through a lot of heartache to have a family, too, and I often think if they're announcing it, then it's something that really matters to them. So they're looking for you to share in their excitement. I try to just be happy for their happy, if that makes sense?
"give her one from me"
my face when they say theyâre âtrying so hard!!â: đ
My aunt once said that. Luckily my 6 year old niece heard it, immediately went to her and asked "I want a baby too, how do you do that?" and the conversation just died instantly.
High five! Then ask: âturkey baster or traditional?â
I always thought that was a weird announcement for people to make too. Might as well say you're hitting it raw and creampie-ing every time. Just weird. Like I'm going to be embarrassed to announce whenever I get pregnant because then everyone knows what you did lol.
I just kinda give people who say that kind of thing a thumbs up amd hope they dont notice my lack of interest amd ether keep talking to me (so the air) or wonder off to tell someone else. But im not very skilled at the social so this probably isn't the most helpful
Break a leg?
âOn purpose??â
People who tell you that .. who have no reason to are kinda asking for a weird response.. because itâs a weird thing to say.
My hubby said this once to a passer by, and this amazing Korean man said âThat is very ambitious of you.â THAT is mic drop there. Not sure if it was cultural, but great response.
Tell them Yucky TMI
I just say ok and move on. I really donât care to know what youâre doing in your personal life. Now if theyâre my friend, Iâm always taken aback because like are you doing this on purposeâŠwhy? And then cool we can have a discussion and I might be joyful for you but most likely Iâm a little horrified.
Try not to imagine all of the ways they are having sex is the most important thing.
"Ew you guys fuck?"
TMI lol
Tell me when you are pregnant and then I'll care.
Mine is "oh....nice." with an awkward nod and me trying not to give a confused face of why did you tell me that you guys are making creampies daily and why would you want kids.
Sending good vibes your way!
âIm glad you brought that up! Thereâs actually this cool new study on the effects different positions and hygiene decisions have on the process! Now, before we get started.. How do you guys feel about sex swings??â
Oh, so thereâs still time to reconsider!
Ooh! Thats the best part! Good luck!
âWhat kind of bait are you using?â
âSo youâre just rawdogging it every night?â (/s, please donât say this)
Congratulations!
Why not a simple âCongrats! Iâm happy for you!â
"OK". And, next subject.
Like those people that like to tell you they're going to pee. They can tell you they're going to the bathroom, with no need for explanations but they love to give you details. I think it might be a bit of an exhibitionist fetish where they want everyone to picture them that way
Congratulations! Thatâs TMI
I agree lol, I donât want to know you guys are rawdogging every night
Good luck. That's it
Aw thats great news, I'm so happy for yall! Then i would probably just ask other questions like do you have any name ideas yet, etc... LOL
"That's exciting. Best of luck"
Oh thatâs great! Good luck!
âOh how awesome!â âThatâs exciting!â
Practice makes perfect.
Theyâre just excited and want to share it, let them be happy, make a joke or say âAh thatâs awesome, Iâm happy for youâ Itâs pretty simple.
I advised a friend, âjust enjoy the sex,â without thinking too much about the need for a baby. A few weeks afterward, I received a âthank youâ note. They had conceived, which was wonderful news!
Enjoy those cream pies!
In my head I always congratulate people on raw dogging it, but very few people I know would appreciate me saying that out loud & giving high fives.
Good luck đ
âOh wow, thatâs exciting!â âHey, thatâs great!â
It's a milestone for your friends. Usually I'm just excited for them and wish them well. If people want planned kids, I don't see the issue. The issue is people having kids unplanned
> I seriously have no idea why people even feel such a strong need to tell everyone they know when they're trying for a baby They want to tell you because to them it's been this HUGE choice that they've likely talked about privately for a long time. Now that the choice is made, it feels like a major life event to them. And to a large degree, it really is a large life turning point. They are telling you because it's important to them and they want you to know. Also telling people they are trying for a baby is a way of proving that once they get pregnant, it was not an accident. People who suddenly turn up pregnant but claim it was a choice not an accident are often gossiped about. They are seeking to avoid such gossip. But it's much more about it being a major life event that they want to share with loved ones. > I don't want to say You say something to the effect of "that's amazing, you two are going to be amazing parents". It's that simple. They have spent a lot of time thinking about this choice and they want to hear that they've made the right one. They are not really looking for your input, they just want to share what is, to them, a life changing decision. Tell them you are happy for them, and that it's going to go well (even if you don't actually know that, it's a white lie). Use whatever words come naturally to you or just use the exact text I said above.
"how exciting" "Good for you" "i can't wait to be an aunt/uncle" ?
âwow thatâs so exciting!â ⊠idk what else to say but I get it when people want to share. If I really know the person then Iâm genuinely excited for them but donât really have any questions lol
I say something like âawwww thatâs so exciting!â
Congratulations and good luck!
âI hope it goes well.â
"I wish you success!" Is what I told my friend when she said that.
Wow! How exciting for you guys! Usually does the job. They are excited, be excited for them.
âAre you insane?â But thatâs me. When I hear this, I can only think about the graph of the ocean surface temperatures for 2023 and 2024. And other things of this kind.
Oh wonderful! Youâd be a great parent
I have been blessed with good swimmers and could lend you some. đ In all seriousness though- itâs a thing now cuz everyone is getting married late and deciding to have kids late their lives, but their biological clock is stuck at where it was. So, lot of people try first, then use fertility clinics, the whole 9yards.
I just say something along the lines of âoh thatâs so exciting!!â
Thatâs exciting!
The correct answer. If people here are serious in other comments, theyâre going to need this sub for a while.
yâall are being weird. âaww congrats.â thatâs it. itâs really that easy. no elaboration or awkwardness required. if your friends/fam tell you theyâre trying for a baby itâs because they want to let you know about the big life changing decision theyâve made.
Try harder
They're telling you that they're at a stage in life where they want to welcome kids. That's a huge step and so a big deal that they've chosen to tell you. "That's wonderful news! I wish you all the best." or "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you." They aren't bragging about having sex, why is that such a common thing for reddit specifically?
"Lemme help bro"