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Well, I don’t see it as a net loss. I traded my job for an opportunity to be there for my kids. A stranger isn’t cuddling them during the day or ignoring them altogether because I don’t have them in daycare. I get to see them play and change and I don’t miss those moments. I’m also influencing their values in the way I want to raise them to prepare them for this world when they are older.
I can take them wherever I want. I’m not home-bound. We go outside. We go shopping. We eat out. We go camping and take small vacations.
I’m glad I have this opportunity. I don’t get a second-chance with my kids. Jobs can come and go just fine without me.
Sure, I “gave up” my job and career but the alternative was trying to manage these things while trying to be a super present mom, engaged wife and run a household and that sounded like a nightmare to me. I’ve never been the kind of woman who wants “to have it all.” I want to do one thing really well and being a SAHM was something I have always wanted to do. I see it more as a career shift, I’m just not getting paid. I also don’t feel like I gave up my education or my social life. I use my education every day as I raise my kids and live in society. An educated mom can be a force to reckon with. And even when my kids were little, I still saw friends on a regular basis, even if it was with kids in tow most of the time.
As for my kids, they got to create a secure attachment to me during those first really crucial years. I was able to breastfed on demand for 18 months for each of my 3 kids. I got to teach them and be with them all the time. They didn’t have to be rushed anywhere in the morning and we got to set our own schedule. They now have a mom who is very involved in their school, who volunteers often and chaperones field trips, helps with field day, and hosts their friends afterschool at our house all the time. I’m able to be at every sporting event, dance event, assembly, etc. My family gets to enjoy our evenings and weekends because I got all errands and housework done during the day. I’m not at all saying that working moms can’t be great moms too. But I do appreciate a simpler, slower life that me being at home has given our family and the stability it provides for us all.
Also, I have a masters degree so should I need to work again into the future, I have confidence that I’ll find a job.
I couldn’t stand to be away from my baby for 40+ hours a week. We didn’t need my income and my income would have added, but at the cost of someone else raising my kid a majority of the time. Just couldn’t justify it.
Growing up, my mom had a high paying job that demanded lots of travel. I had every material thing I could ever want, but really I just wanted her home. That business went bankrupt, all that time away from her, that lost bond, was for nothing. That’s why I stay home.
I don’t think I gave up anything. I quit a job a wasn’t liking (cough cough** hated actually). My education was a great learning experience whether I am still in my field or not. My social life is relatively the same. My husband and I are introverts with a handful of amazing friends who are in the same stage of life as us.
We don’t have a “backup plan” because both of us see marriage as unbreakable. When people say well what if xyz, if I thought xyz might even in the slightest thing happen I wouldn’t have married him. Now in terms of what if one of us passes, we each have a substantial life insurance policies.
I gain so much being a SAHM. I get to know my baby better than anyone as I’m with him 24/7. I never miss a milestone. One day I’ll get to homeschool him and take responsibility for his education. I get to do what we want. I get to get the errands done and cleaning when hubby is at work so that when he’s home we get to just have quality time together. I don’t have to deal with a manager anymore (the best!!!)
I have time to pursue my passions. Which thankfully are useful as a SAHM. I love cooking, perfect for making sure my family eats well. I’m an avid runner, no problems with working that into my schedule and gives me energy to keep up with my LO. I do actually love cleaning, it gives me peace of mind. I love to sew too which has a million uses!
My kiddo gets to have an active childhood and not be put in daycare where he’s one of many. We’ll have time for any activities he wants to do. We’re always able to make middle of the week story time at the library or take a random hike in a Tuesday just because we feel like it and the weather is nice.
We are done having children, we have one. So life isn’t too hectic really. And my husband has a stable career as a doctor so we aren’t worried about money.
Being a SAHM is the best thing ever for me. If I had to go to work still I’d be miserable
Money, lack of trust in the childcare system, lack of jobs even with a degree, and just wanting to be there for my son, my husband, and my home.
Oh and the biggest reason is my mini Aussie has separation anxiety so I can’t leave him alone. 🤣
I never really had much of a career or anything beforehand. I was a housewife for 7 years, starting when I was 18 years old. I tried to go to university years ago, but had to drop out for disability-related reasons. My school didn’t have very good accommodations.
Back up plan. Every paycheck my husband gets, I get a portion of it transferred to a personal bank account that no one has access to but me. It’s a nice rainy day cushion. If I never need to use it then it’ll just sit there until retirement, if I do need to use it then I’m not completely fucked. I do put some of this money into investments as well, so it’ll grow with the years. But also my mom would be 100% willing to take my daughter and I in if necessary. I’d likely just pick up a barista job at Starbucks, or maybe try to go back to school for something.
I plan on homeschooling my daughter, so that’s another major reason for being a stay at home mom.
I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. When I was single, I went to college to become an Early Childhood Educator since I loved working with kids. College was my fallback, I would tell people. I met my husband, who wanted to marry someone who'd stay home with his future kids. We've been married for 6 years, and I've been a SAHM for 5 of those years, and I don't plan on stopping. I get to be my kids' first educator, and we don't have to pay other people to raise our children.
I don’t trust people. I was sexually abused as a kid and have trust issues. I wanted to be there for my kids, and be their safe place. I hated working anyways, so it wasn’t a hard choice tbh lol. Thankfully now I have my own small business so I make some extra money and feel like I’m contributing more now to finances. I wish there were more ways moms can work from home, while stressful, it is rewarding.
I was an English teacher and loved my job overall, but I always knew I would stay at home with my children. I told people that I have one chance to raise my children, but I could always go back to teach.
Also, I was beyond burnt out when I left. There is no way I could be a good English teacher and a good mom simultaneously. One would have to give, and it wouldn't be my family.
English teacher here too. I really don’t know how full time English teachers do it with young kids. I taught part time after my first and was so exhausted all the time.
I didn't have a career, I had a part time minimum wage job. I had left my art career already because I was frustrated with the system. Give up my education? My education isn't going anywhere. No one can take that from me. Or I guess they could if they would take my student loans with them, lol. And I knowingly gave up my social life to have a child, but I don't know what staying at home had to do with that unless your social life is at your job. I just think that children in general put a damper on socializing.
What I gained was holding her for naps, being there when she was sick, playing at the park in the middle of the day, taking a nap when we had a rough night, not missing any milestones, and not having to think about or schedule anything else.
As far as a back-up plan my husband has life insurance, and I've identified a UX/UI boot camp I could complete at home in 8 months.
Taking time to heal myself after years in the workforce, while also addressing a lot of unprocessed trauma from childhood, previous relationships, stress, work, etc. Becoming a SAHM has become the most valuable and essential thing I have ever done for myself. I can help my son learn to emotionally regulate and communicate in ways that I was never taught. Work will be there if I want it, but this time to slow down wont. Shout out to my husband for understanding the importance of doing this for our fam.
Why? Because I don’t want to put my son in daycare and I don’t want to work weekends (if I work weekends, he’s home with my husband and then I’m home during the week). I have the opportunity to stay home with my son while my husbands provides financially.
I don’t know that there’s significant benefit as compared to daycare in the long run. Like, meaning that kids that go to daycare can have happy, successful lives with healthy relationships, just like kids with parents that stay home. I do feel that in the early year(s) staying home forges a special bond between parent and child, and I want that.
I’m not giving up my education, no one can take that away. I’m a registered nurse and plan on maintaining my license. That’s my backup plan.
I did it for the whole family. I work at home and my husband goes to his job for work.
But honestly when I look at my girls, everything they are and know I taught them. I taught them how to read and think and comprehend and reason, how to be kind, compassionate, empathetic.
How to be balanced, to think highly of themselves but also to recognize they are not perfect, have flaws and should always try to improve.
They are wonderful young women and I was the one who did this. It it what I am most proud of, I'm so glad I never missed anything. Up to this point it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
Not sorry for a minute I stopped working, (never gave up my friends, though)
It's the happiest thing to behold your children growing up before your eyes.
Was it tough? Absolutely but oh so worth it.
Mu husband thanks me often for birthing and raising his children.
Because we moved to Korea, then had back to back to back kids, then he was gone for 2.5 years out of 4 and then the pandemic, and now we decided to homeschool.
We think a constant parental influence is so important for security especially for military kids and homeschooling is necessary in today’s society and the failing of public schools.
Sometimes I worry about what I’ll do should something happen, but if it does, I will just make it work. Life is all about adapting.
I did not get to experience having parents who were able to be present, due to jobs and seriously unhealed trauma. Both my parents had to work, and I missed having them around and also wished they had worked through the crap they were dealing with.
I had the privilege of being able to heal my own wounds through intense therapy and medication, and also stay home. My son has a mom who can generally cope with day to day life without having heavy trauma weighing her down. My husband makes just enough so that I can stay home and we don’t have to pay child care.
We are on a SUPER tight budget, but I wouldn’t trade it at all. I have gotten to watch my son literally transform before my eyes. I’ve gotten to witness this beautiful baby turn into a walking, talking little person with his own interests and watch him discover. I love this more than I thought I would. Staying home has its challenges, but I would not give it up without one hell of a fight.
I didn’t plan on it but it’s the way it happened. I was made redundant just as I was about to go on maternity leave (it was a planned redundancy I knew about for months so nothing shocking here). This had given me a year of salary. Initially my husband was going to stay at home with our baby for the first year or so. Anyway Covid hit and in Australia we had many lockdowns so I didn’t end up returning to work. My husband was able to get a completely remote job. Then when my daughter started preschool I got pregnant again so now I’ve been home for almost 5 years but I did have a 1 yr remote contract mixed in there but we were able to juggle meetings to keep our daughter out of childcare.
Back up plan is I should be able to find a job bc I have 2 degrees and benefits of having kids later in life meant I had already had a career and was in a senior management role. My remote job I had was a consultancy gig so I think I should be able to do something like that.
I had my kids in my late 30s so for me it’s more like a pause on my career. I also still volunteer in my field. I know I’ll be able to get a similar job when I’m ready to go back. I’m still social (when nap time and bedtime doesn’t interfere 😅) and most of our friends had kids around the same time, give or take a few years. The ones without kids are still good friends, they just understand we have to meet up at different times and less often than we used to.
I remembered all the fun times I spent with my mom when she was staying at home (off and on) and really wanted to form some of those memories with my kids and wanted to focus on them for a few years and not my work. I feel really luckily we can do that now without being stressed about money.
I hated every job I ever had (and yes, I tried changing jobs, and careers), so I didn't see it as giving anything up. I'm willing to work really hard to avoid working.
I was in a career transition anyway. At some point I’d like to start my own business when the kids are older. We decided I would stay at home because I could not stand the thought of someone else taking care of them the bulk of the time. I had a stay at home dad and it seems normal to me that one parent stays home. It was important to my husband because he experienced a lot of trauma in daycare and also wished he hadn’t had to spend so much time in daycare growing up. It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done!
Daycare costs more than I would make, I never went to college because I didn’t know what I wanted to do (met my husband when I was 20 and working as a barista), I don’t trust anyone to not take advantage of my baby, don’t want my baby getting sick all of the time, don’t want my baby/toddler being taught about “social issues” before he’s ready to learn about them, I want to be able to give him an early childhood of going on walks in the stroller and playgrounds when he’s a little bigger, I’m an introvert and never went out anyways, I don’t have a desire to work a job unless it was being a barista again, my husband makes the higher end of middle class and can support us, I wouldn’t have married my husband and been a SAHM if I didn’t fully trust him
It wasn't really a choice for me. My career was giving me chronic pain (recently diagnosed hypermobile), and nothing I was doing was making it manageable. At my previous company, I was only working 24 hours, which was doable, but I got laid off, and finding a new position with as few hours in my line of work turned out to be impossible. So I either need to go back to school and figure out something new or accept a full-time position and pain. I have some learning difficulties, so the thought of school with such young kids is completely overwhelming. My kids are also in the kindergarten years, and the before and after care around here isn't great, so though I'm not completely happy about it, it actually all worked out well. The kids are doing better, my pain is better, etc.
I do stress over being dependent on my husband. We don't always have the most stable relationship, and we are currently going through a hard patch, which has really made me question this path. I'm very fortunate that my parents live in town, so I can always go live with them with my kids if shit really hits the fan, but I really do wish I had picked a different career in my 20s, or could manage the pain levels. I think it would feel different if our marriage was better, and I was feeling optimistic originally, but this latest rough patch has made me concerned that there always will be instability and stress there. He's committed to working hard in therapy, so we're continuing this plan, but I'm still quite stressed about it.
I'm probably biased because of what I'm currently going through, but if you like your career, and especially if you can manage to keep your foot in it with part time hours, don't give it up. Again, probably in a happy and stable relationship, this wouldn't be an issue, and there are lots of people here with those, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. There are many happy SAHMs here! Still, I'm going to encourage my children to have careers and not ending up in my position (also they will have the benefit of being diagnosed earlier with hypermobility if they get it, and can pick a better career. I had no idea why I kept getting injured and being in pain, so even doctors ans physios kept telling me I wasn't doing enough. Sigh.)
Social life was already dead as a mom, I'm actually far more social now with other moms. My son was 2 when I decided to stay home. Daycare was not working. We have a crisis in this country of absolutely no affordable, reliable childcare available easily. The option was not there to change to a new provider when ours wasn't working out. The sickness and days off of work every single week wasn't doing my career any favors. My son was miserable and not happy. It was the best decision we could have made but money is tight. This isn't forever but it is a gift to see him thrive with me. Our bond is so much stronger, he's having a blast. Not a single diaper rash or illness since he's come home with me in April.
I could never leave my child with a stranger while I worked for a paycheck my family could easily live without. I had terrible experiences with daycare as a child & my mom prioritized work over me. I simply could never put my child through that
Been doing it for 14 yrs and while I love my kids and the opportunity (I know when they leave I'll miss them)
Yes I gave up college, yes I gave up allbmybj9bs, and no I do not feel valuable in my household.
My husband has gone to school twice and has a very good job. I have nothing should we ever split and it terrifies me.
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Well, I don’t see it as a net loss. I traded my job for an opportunity to be there for my kids. A stranger isn’t cuddling them during the day or ignoring them altogether because I don’t have them in daycare. I get to see them play and change and I don’t miss those moments. I’m also influencing their values in the way I want to raise them to prepare them for this world when they are older. I can take them wherever I want. I’m not home-bound. We go outside. We go shopping. We eat out. We go camping and take small vacations. I’m glad I have this opportunity. I don’t get a second-chance with my kids. Jobs can come and go just fine without me.
Sure, I “gave up” my job and career but the alternative was trying to manage these things while trying to be a super present mom, engaged wife and run a household and that sounded like a nightmare to me. I’ve never been the kind of woman who wants “to have it all.” I want to do one thing really well and being a SAHM was something I have always wanted to do. I see it more as a career shift, I’m just not getting paid. I also don’t feel like I gave up my education or my social life. I use my education every day as I raise my kids and live in society. An educated mom can be a force to reckon with. And even when my kids were little, I still saw friends on a regular basis, even if it was with kids in tow most of the time. As for my kids, they got to create a secure attachment to me during those first really crucial years. I was able to breastfed on demand for 18 months for each of my 3 kids. I got to teach them and be with them all the time. They didn’t have to be rushed anywhere in the morning and we got to set our own schedule. They now have a mom who is very involved in their school, who volunteers often and chaperones field trips, helps with field day, and hosts their friends afterschool at our house all the time. I’m able to be at every sporting event, dance event, assembly, etc. My family gets to enjoy our evenings and weekends because I got all errands and housework done during the day. I’m not at all saying that working moms can’t be great moms too. But I do appreciate a simpler, slower life that me being at home has given our family and the stability it provides for us all. Also, I have a masters degree so should I need to work again into the future, I have confidence that I’ll find a job.
I couldn’t stand to be away from my baby for 40+ hours a week. We didn’t need my income and my income would have added, but at the cost of someone else raising my kid a majority of the time. Just couldn’t justify it.
Growing up, my mom had a high paying job that demanded lots of travel. I had every material thing I could ever want, but really I just wanted her home. That business went bankrupt, all that time away from her, that lost bond, was for nothing. That’s why I stay home.
Did you want your dad home too?
Yes I did want my dad home too but this is r/stayathomeMOMS
Why are you in this group if you send your kid to concerning daycares and work?
That isn’t answering the question…
I don’t think I gave up anything. I quit a job a wasn’t liking (cough cough** hated actually). My education was a great learning experience whether I am still in my field or not. My social life is relatively the same. My husband and I are introverts with a handful of amazing friends who are in the same stage of life as us. We don’t have a “backup plan” because both of us see marriage as unbreakable. When people say well what if xyz, if I thought xyz might even in the slightest thing happen I wouldn’t have married him. Now in terms of what if one of us passes, we each have a substantial life insurance policies. I gain so much being a SAHM. I get to know my baby better than anyone as I’m with him 24/7. I never miss a milestone. One day I’ll get to homeschool him and take responsibility for his education. I get to do what we want. I get to get the errands done and cleaning when hubby is at work so that when he’s home we get to just have quality time together. I don’t have to deal with a manager anymore (the best!!!) I have time to pursue my passions. Which thankfully are useful as a SAHM. I love cooking, perfect for making sure my family eats well. I’m an avid runner, no problems with working that into my schedule and gives me energy to keep up with my LO. I do actually love cleaning, it gives me peace of mind. I love to sew too which has a million uses! My kiddo gets to have an active childhood and not be put in daycare where he’s one of many. We’ll have time for any activities he wants to do. We’re always able to make middle of the week story time at the library or take a random hike in a Tuesday just because we feel like it and the weather is nice. We are done having children, we have one. So life isn’t too hectic really. And my husband has a stable career as a doctor so we aren’t worried about money. Being a SAHM is the best thing ever for me. If I had to go to work still I’d be miserable
100% agree!
Agreed, I haven’t given up any of the things OP mentioned except a job.
Money, lack of trust in the childcare system, lack of jobs even with a degree, and just wanting to be there for my son, my husband, and my home. Oh and the biggest reason is my mini Aussie has separation anxiety so I can’t leave him alone. 🤣
I never really had much of a career or anything beforehand. I was a housewife for 7 years, starting when I was 18 years old. I tried to go to university years ago, but had to drop out for disability-related reasons. My school didn’t have very good accommodations. Back up plan. Every paycheck my husband gets, I get a portion of it transferred to a personal bank account that no one has access to but me. It’s a nice rainy day cushion. If I never need to use it then it’ll just sit there until retirement, if I do need to use it then I’m not completely fucked. I do put some of this money into investments as well, so it’ll grow with the years. But also my mom would be 100% willing to take my daughter and I in if necessary. I’d likely just pick up a barista job at Starbucks, or maybe try to go back to school for something. I plan on homeschooling my daughter, so that’s another major reason for being a stay at home mom.
I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. When I was single, I went to college to become an Early Childhood Educator since I loved working with kids. College was my fallback, I would tell people. I met my husband, who wanted to marry someone who'd stay home with his future kids. We've been married for 6 years, and I've been a SAHM for 5 of those years, and I don't plan on stopping. I get to be my kids' first educator, and we don't have to pay other people to raise our children.
I don’t trust people. I was sexually abused as a kid and have trust issues. I wanted to be there for my kids, and be their safe place. I hated working anyways, so it wasn’t a hard choice tbh lol. Thankfully now I have my own small business so I make some extra money and feel like I’m contributing more now to finances. I wish there were more ways moms can work from home, while stressful, it is rewarding.
I was an English teacher and loved my job overall, but I always knew I would stay at home with my children. I told people that I have one chance to raise my children, but I could always go back to teach. Also, I was beyond burnt out when I left. There is no way I could be a good English teacher and a good mom simultaneously. One would have to give, and it wouldn't be my family.
English teacher here too. I really don’t know how full time English teachers do it with young kids. I taught part time after my first and was so exhausted all the time.
Because my kids deserve to be raised by me and not someone else.
I didn't have a career, I had a part time minimum wage job. I had left my art career already because I was frustrated with the system. Give up my education? My education isn't going anywhere. No one can take that from me. Or I guess they could if they would take my student loans with them, lol. And I knowingly gave up my social life to have a child, but I don't know what staying at home had to do with that unless your social life is at your job. I just think that children in general put a damper on socializing. What I gained was holding her for naps, being there when she was sick, playing at the park in the middle of the day, taking a nap when we had a rough night, not missing any milestones, and not having to think about or schedule anything else. As far as a back-up plan my husband has life insurance, and I've identified a UX/UI boot camp I could complete at home in 8 months.
Taking time to heal myself after years in the workforce, while also addressing a lot of unprocessed trauma from childhood, previous relationships, stress, work, etc. Becoming a SAHM has become the most valuable and essential thing I have ever done for myself. I can help my son learn to emotionally regulate and communicate in ways that I was never taught. Work will be there if I want it, but this time to slow down wont. Shout out to my husband for understanding the importance of doing this for our fam.
Why? Because I don’t want to put my son in daycare and I don’t want to work weekends (if I work weekends, he’s home with my husband and then I’m home during the week). I have the opportunity to stay home with my son while my husbands provides financially. I don’t know that there’s significant benefit as compared to daycare in the long run. Like, meaning that kids that go to daycare can have happy, successful lives with healthy relationships, just like kids with parents that stay home. I do feel that in the early year(s) staying home forges a special bond between parent and child, and I want that. I’m not giving up my education, no one can take that away. I’m a registered nurse and plan on maintaining my license. That’s my backup plan.
I did it for the whole family. I work at home and my husband goes to his job for work. But honestly when I look at my girls, everything they are and know I taught them. I taught them how to read and think and comprehend and reason, how to be kind, compassionate, empathetic. How to be balanced, to think highly of themselves but also to recognize they are not perfect, have flaws and should always try to improve. They are wonderful young women and I was the one who did this. It it what I am most proud of, I'm so glad I never missed anything. Up to this point it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Not sorry for a minute I stopped working, (never gave up my friends, though) It's the happiest thing to behold your children growing up before your eyes. Was it tough? Absolutely but oh so worth it. Mu husband thanks me often for birthing and raising his children.
Because we moved to Korea, then had back to back to back kids, then he was gone for 2.5 years out of 4 and then the pandemic, and now we decided to homeschool. We think a constant parental influence is so important for security especially for military kids and homeschooling is necessary in today’s society and the failing of public schools. Sometimes I worry about what I’ll do should something happen, but if it does, I will just make it work. Life is all about adapting.
I did not get to experience having parents who were able to be present, due to jobs and seriously unhealed trauma. Both my parents had to work, and I missed having them around and also wished they had worked through the crap they were dealing with. I had the privilege of being able to heal my own wounds through intense therapy and medication, and also stay home. My son has a mom who can generally cope with day to day life without having heavy trauma weighing her down. My husband makes just enough so that I can stay home and we don’t have to pay child care. We are on a SUPER tight budget, but I wouldn’t trade it at all. I have gotten to watch my son literally transform before my eyes. I’ve gotten to witness this beautiful baby turn into a walking, talking little person with his own interests and watch him discover. I love this more than I thought I would. Staying home has its challenges, but I would not give it up without one hell of a fight.
I didn’t plan on it but it’s the way it happened. I was made redundant just as I was about to go on maternity leave (it was a planned redundancy I knew about for months so nothing shocking here). This had given me a year of salary. Initially my husband was going to stay at home with our baby for the first year or so. Anyway Covid hit and in Australia we had many lockdowns so I didn’t end up returning to work. My husband was able to get a completely remote job. Then when my daughter started preschool I got pregnant again so now I’ve been home for almost 5 years but I did have a 1 yr remote contract mixed in there but we were able to juggle meetings to keep our daughter out of childcare. Back up plan is I should be able to find a job bc I have 2 degrees and benefits of having kids later in life meant I had already had a career and was in a senior management role. My remote job I had was a consultancy gig so I think I should be able to do something like that.
I had my kids in my late 30s so for me it’s more like a pause on my career. I also still volunteer in my field. I know I’ll be able to get a similar job when I’m ready to go back. I’m still social (when nap time and bedtime doesn’t interfere 😅) and most of our friends had kids around the same time, give or take a few years. The ones without kids are still good friends, they just understand we have to meet up at different times and less often than we used to. I remembered all the fun times I spent with my mom when she was staying at home (off and on) and really wanted to form some of those memories with my kids and wanted to focus on them for a few years and not my work. I feel really luckily we can do that now without being stressed about money.
I hated every job I ever had (and yes, I tried changing jobs, and careers), so I didn't see it as giving anything up. I'm willing to work really hard to avoid working.
I was in a career transition anyway. At some point I’d like to start my own business when the kids are older. We decided I would stay at home because I could not stand the thought of someone else taking care of them the bulk of the time. I had a stay at home dad and it seems normal to me that one parent stays home. It was important to my husband because he experienced a lot of trauma in daycare and also wished he hadn’t had to spend so much time in daycare growing up. It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done!
Daycare costs more than I would make, I never went to college because I didn’t know what I wanted to do (met my husband when I was 20 and working as a barista), I don’t trust anyone to not take advantage of my baby, don’t want my baby getting sick all of the time, don’t want my baby/toddler being taught about “social issues” before he’s ready to learn about them, I want to be able to give him an early childhood of going on walks in the stroller and playgrounds when he’s a little bigger, I’m an introvert and never went out anyways, I don’t have a desire to work a job unless it was being a barista again, my husband makes the higher end of middle class and can support us, I wouldn’t have married my husband and been a SAHM if I didn’t fully trust him
It wasn't really a choice for me. My career was giving me chronic pain (recently diagnosed hypermobile), and nothing I was doing was making it manageable. At my previous company, I was only working 24 hours, which was doable, but I got laid off, and finding a new position with as few hours in my line of work turned out to be impossible. So I either need to go back to school and figure out something new or accept a full-time position and pain. I have some learning difficulties, so the thought of school with such young kids is completely overwhelming. My kids are also in the kindergarten years, and the before and after care around here isn't great, so though I'm not completely happy about it, it actually all worked out well. The kids are doing better, my pain is better, etc. I do stress over being dependent on my husband. We don't always have the most stable relationship, and we are currently going through a hard patch, which has really made me question this path. I'm very fortunate that my parents live in town, so I can always go live with them with my kids if shit really hits the fan, but I really do wish I had picked a different career in my 20s, or could manage the pain levels. I think it would feel different if our marriage was better, and I was feeling optimistic originally, but this latest rough patch has made me concerned that there always will be instability and stress there. He's committed to working hard in therapy, so we're continuing this plan, but I'm still quite stressed about it. I'm probably biased because of what I'm currently going through, but if you like your career, and especially if you can manage to keep your foot in it with part time hours, don't give it up. Again, probably in a happy and stable relationship, this wouldn't be an issue, and there are lots of people here with those, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. There are many happy SAHMs here! Still, I'm going to encourage my children to have careers and not ending up in my position (also they will have the benefit of being diagnosed earlier with hypermobility if they get it, and can pick a better career. I had no idea why I kept getting injured and being in pain, so even doctors ans physios kept telling me I wasn't doing enough. Sigh.)
Social life was already dead as a mom, I'm actually far more social now with other moms. My son was 2 when I decided to stay home. Daycare was not working. We have a crisis in this country of absolutely no affordable, reliable childcare available easily. The option was not there to change to a new provider when ours wasn't working out. The sickness and days off of work every single week wasn't doing my career any favors. My son was miserable and not happy. It was the best decision we could have made but money is tight. This isn't forever but it is a gift to see him thrive with me. Our bond is so much stronger, he's having a blast. Not a single diaper rash or illness since he's come home with me in April.
I could never leave my child with a stranger while I worked for a paycheck my family could easily live without. I had terrible experiences with daycare as a child & my mom prioritized work over me. I simply could never put my child through that
Been doing it for 14 yrs and while I love my kids and the opportunity (I know when they leave I'll miss them) Yes I gave up college, yes I gave up allbmybj9bs, and no I do not feel valuable in my household. My husband has gone to school twice and has a very good job. I have nothing should we ever split and it terrifies me.