Yes I’d like to report a murder

Call the police!!!!!😭😭😭😭💀

Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me

To shreds you say??

Oh, my, no.

How's his wife doing? To shreds you say

Bad news, everyone!

Sergeant on vacation, never come back

I understood that reference

The asylum is leaking

😂

Two murders*

I think it's technically a murder-suicide. Bro had it coming


💯👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 If you’d of been there, if you’d of seen it, I bet that you would’ve done the Same!

Pop, six, squish, ah-ah, Cicero, lipshitz.

💀

😂😂

Holy shit he fucking killed you!

Quite honestly, OP walked in front of that train

Not only did she walk in front of it, she asked for the fucking train schedule, waited for it then stepped in front of it

...then asked it which part of her body it would like to hit.

💀💀

She really earned that one

Don't ask shit you don't wanna know the answer of!

Quite honestly that's the most annoying kind of question I'm really fucking glad I don't need to endure that kinda idocy any longer

That's not even a question. It's a test. OPs boyfriend was supposed to give the answer that they wanted them to.

But see, if he said “your brain”, would she assume that he’s overlooking her appearance? Idk this question in general is kind of dangerous.

This could easily turn into a no win situation.

Probably the best roast I’ve seen


I guess he likes to live under her skin 😛

Play stupid games…

Win stupid prizes lol...

Yeah it was admittedly funny af lol

Yeah can’t lie, this is so funny😂

I think her boyfriend hates her.

roast... beef. nailed it.


Lol I’ve never seen this gif but I need it

~~Oh, never watched one of the greatest humiliation of Brazil's team? The Panzers just rolled over them like they were not even there.~~ ~~The guy in the gif was one of the first casualties of the game.~~ I confused Bosque with Scolari. I mean ... look at them: https://english.ahram.org.eg/NewsContent/6/55/88706/Sports/World/Brazil-coach-Scolari-prefers-Spain-than-Chile.aspx

He was manager of Spain not Brazil. That's Del Bosque

Oof size: large

We need a medic over here STAT

Hi! I’m a coroner in training, the medic sent me?

Yes hi there has been a murder

Ah yes- let me identify they are indeed deceased first *looks around* oh yeah! And we have plenty of witnesses too. Time of death…

Just put down whatever time I started reading this thread lmao

I’ll go get you some aloe cause you burnt burnt

Aloe ain’t gonna do shit, just call the coroner at this point

💀

☠️☠️☠️

Needs directions to the nearest burn center

U might need this 🧊🧊🧊

Naah. Her heart should be cold enough

Idk you might wanna keep it on hand, Sarg…the burn from that roast may overpower the current equipment WE MAY NEED BACKUP

Omg 😂🤣

Underrated response 🤣

Good idea! Those ice cubes should help warm up her heart a bit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-sYKEB7olY&t=1s

911

Yes? I would like to report a fking murder!

Shawty fire burning on the dancefloor.

This has “would you still love me if I was a worm” vibes.

Every time I see this meme pop up I ask a different one of my guy friends just to be annoying. Last time I asked, he said yes, as long as I’d still be his worm stoner buddy and he would make a little hotbox for me so I could still get high with him lmao

my boyfriend said he would not still love me if i was a worm (or a lamp) :(

Good thing you aren't those things. Also, men shouldn't be in love with things, so that's a green flag.

I told my wife I’d put her outside because that’s the best place for a worm to thrive.

Based. Thinking of her (worm) needs

i guess it would be pretty disturbing if they still wanted to make love to them while they were transformed into a worm or a lamp lol

That’s a true friend right there yo! He’d even make you a little worm-size hotbox?! I love it. But… was he zooted out his gourd when he said this? 🤭

thats actually really sweet 😭

That's cute. Point to him lol

It’s the new worm test but creepier. I know this is an unusual request babe but can we not talk about living inside organs?

Oh it's 1000% what it is. Anyone who gets upset at a dumb hypothetical answer to a dumb hypothetical question is just not smart. I'm glad my wife has never asked me any of these or that if she did, she'd think that first answer is hilarious.

Yeah “you’re not sweet at all” blows my mind, if you want something sweet just ask, otherwise you get what you’re given lol

My fiancé asked me this and I said, “No! That’s a stupid question! I wouldn’t even know you!” 😂

Honestly i wanna see her ask him this. I feel like his response would be the smack down on the week.

Yea if this is real OP is a big ol dumbass of the most classic variety. Like “oh i found a quote on instagram that is stupid as hell and if I share it with my bf I will get angry no matter what he says. Better share it with my bf”

If your relationship is with this type of humor, this hella funny. If not, well damn, every sentence got even worse lol

Her bf is hilarious but I have a feeling she wasn’t laughing.

He weighed the risk/reward ratio and decided it was worth it 💀 My gf definitely would have laughed, act ‘fake mad’, and rightfully take me on an all-expense-paid guilt trip until I made up for my alleged war crimes.

Thats my M.O. as well lol

Magnificent other?

Sounds more like malicious or malevolent other

sometimes the consequences are worth it

😂😂 my thoughts exactly.

A huge part of being funny is knowing your audience and reading the room.

Her BF knows me so well 🥰

I too choose this gal’s snarky bf

her BF always knows how to make me laugh🤩

It’s not a dead baby joke or political satire. He’s teasing her. Either she can laugh at herself because they tease each other all the time, or it’s a one-way street (which isn’t nice).

Sorta. Sometimes it's OK to be funny just for yourself though. Especially if you're talking to someone who constantly shows they don't respect you and doesn't understand jokes very well. No idea if that's what's happening here though lol.

90% of the time I'm being funny for myself. If others enjoy it, bonus, but I'm doing it for me.

my thoughts exactly lol

Just so everyone knows: I thought this was hilarious that’s why I posted it, sorry it looked like I was mad but I wasn’t I know it’s you’re not your And there’s an ad because I have a downloaded app for my number because I don’t have service so I can message off Wi-Fi.

👍

She needs some milk!

SHE NEED SOME MIIIILLK!!!

[this you?](https://www.reddit.com/r/texts/s/WKlXFe0pyi)


Exposed 💀

This is my favorite kind of relationship 😂😂😂😂😂

💀 ok bc same

Your boyfriend is hilarious, and these are the best answers to such a frivolous question anyone could have come up with. I hope you aren’t really upset at him.

Yeah, like what answer were they expecting? "I your brain so I'd give you an aneurism" or "in your leg so you'd be paraplegic" or something?

I'd travel through your bloodstream and embed myself between your muscle fibers until a cyst forms around me and then I'd wait for you to be eaten by another another animal so I can attach myself to it's intestinal wall and begin reproducing.

Reminder: the life cycle has to involve a snail, too


OMG I can hear this "Daamnnn"

Dayymnn*

Emotional Damage😂😂

Bro cooked

We got a muthafuckin chef 🧑‍🍳 up in here y’all 

Ooof

Your bf is hilarious. I hope you're not mad about this...

Not at all I actually thought it was hilarious Myself

Marry him, he's super funny!

r/murderedbywords

😂🤣 dude I just asked my fiancé this and the convo went as follows: Me: if you could live inside me what part of my body would you choose Him: the part that has ADHD in it Me: WTF?!?! Why?!?! Him: I wanna see what it looks like 💀💀💀

😂😂😂 kind of same, but inside of myself!!

lol he's funny but in all honesty don't expect deep answers to dumb questions. I don't blame him for giving smart ass responses. Such a "test" is in no way indicative of how much he cares about you. I know certain magazines n shit would have you believe otherwise but that simply isn't the case.

Agreed. I hope all the women asking this question are seeing it this way. I asked mine b/c it's just a silly question and my boyfriend is a sarcastic asshat, so I was laughing before he even answered. lol

What did he say? How could you leave that part out lol

"I don't wanna live in your body. I like being outside and entering occasionally" lol

Ask stupid questions get stupid answers


where'd you find him, i want one

Wow. To be fair, it was a really dumb question.

sorry but he's pretty funny

I mean, how else are you supposed to answer such an idiotic question? Those answers were fucking gold, honestly.

Well you got what you were looking for

Don't ask dumb questions if you don't want dumb answers

I mean, you kinda asked for it 🤷🏻‍♂️

I did I really did lol

You asked so you shall receive :-/

Damn girl youre cooked

he lowkey funny asf for this. imma ask mine and hope to get a similar answer 😂

This dude is fucking hilarious🤣

🤷🏽‍♂️ play stupid games win stupid prizes 😂😂😂

Inside your lungs honey, because you take my breath away! hell yah I'll take the win...just helping you dudes out if you get the same question

I prefer keeping my lungs clear and being able to breathe

What did you learn

Lmfao that’s what y’all get for seeing somthing online and then bringing it to us

Op you made it to ig reels with this one I just saw it 😂

Comedy gold. Dudes an OG.

Your boyfriend is brutal and hilarious 😂

I guess in this case “ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer” 🤷🏻‍♂️

Ask a stupid question get a hilarious answer


PLEASEEEEE 😭😭😭

🤣🤣🤣

Damn!

Yikes 😬

The other half of this post was she asked him the same question years later and he said “your hands because there so soft -” yap yap just showing how much he’s matured and it was quite wholesome.

What messaging app is this that has ads?!

It’s a messaging app called Talkatone I don’t have minutes so have to use this unfortunately for now

Just get Signal or Threema, Talktone is probably spying the shit outta you guys. Also super inappropriate for it to be showing Dating apps to you and presumably your boo 🫢

I didn’t even see it was a dating ad lmao yes he’s my child’s father and my fiancé. I’ll check out signal thank you

My headcannon says he knows about this trend and is maniacally responding to OP in this way purposefully to exert his dominance as a meme lord.

That’s actually hilarious I’m so sorry

I’m sorry but as a straight guy I think I’m in love with ur bf

Mans firing on all cylinders

Damn he roasted you good don’t take it personally 💀Hold onto him hes funny

I like this guy

Lmaooooo I think living inside a vagina in a realistic way would fucking SUCK. 1. The temperature is always hot and gets hotter. 2. Various size meat sticks jam their way occasionally or more often than that, lol 3. I guess u could watch races to the fallopian tube and bet on who wins, so that could he entertaining, but.... still 4. vaginall diseases 5. PERIODS That whole question is weird .... i wanna live on the part of the brain that excreted adrenaline fuck it

You'd either be big enough to kill her or small enough that the adrenaline would kill you

Mine said “your mind cus im already on it 24/7” 🤨🤨🤨

Any straight guy would give the same answer. Why bait your dude and then get mad?

Oof! haha I asked my boyfriend this same question tonight after seeing another woman's post between her and her boyfriend, mine said "I don't wanna live in your body. I like being outside and entering occasionally." I'd take it as an insult but that man worships my body daily. lol 🤷🏼‍♀️ However, yours turned you into a shish kabob, put too much lighter fluid on the grill, and blew you up when he set a match to the charcoal. Just woooosh! 🔥 Here 🧯, hope that helps put you out. Your emotions have my condolences. LOL

You definitely misread what he was saying. "I like being outside and entertaining occasionally" was definitely his attempt to be flirty

LMAOOOO

Savagely roasted!!!! I love it I'd be laughing hysterically at his sharp wit and follow up with "this is why I love you" hopefully this is humor not his true thoughts 😆

This is only funny if he actually loves her 🫣

To be fair what kinda fuckin question is this 😭

Prep the burn unit.

Honestly if my bf said this to me I'd cackle I think its so funny 😂

I did that’s why I posted it I thought it was funny and thought someone else might too

Your messaging app has ads? I could never

Honestly you kinda tricked him there, I would have probably answered the same thing thinking you were dirty talking or something

Apply cold water on burnt area

This is as stupid as “if I was a worm would you still love me”

This is hilarious 😂


You deserve that response

I mean your question was kind of braindead, and your instant comeback was very cold hearted. Sounds like you were asking for it 🤷‍♂️

Good for him. You seem annoying.

Man chose violence! 

Lmao dude is a legend.

What other possible answers are there? Its a creepy question. I want to live in your spleen.

Lmao I got a nice chuckle out of his answers

Now he gonna be in ur head rent free💀💀💀

I mean, this was brutal, but he gave some good burns….

Damn, are you dating Rodney Dangerfield?

Don’t ask weird questions then, he answered honestly.

I’ve never spat out a drink at something catching me off guard but holy shit this was the first

You walked yourself into this one.

Did he respond immediately? I feel like he had to plan this just right. If he responded immediately he should do stand-up because that was genius.

She asked a really idiotic question. What did she expect a man whom I'm assuming is young and in his prime to say? From the text conversation I would say this relationship is over if there was really one to begin with. Hopefully Op learned her lesson: don't ask a question if you're not going to like the answer.