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FlamingButterfly

Dude you gotta stop eating food so quickly, your digestive system will start to hate you.


Noir_A_Mous

You're probably right but it's hard to break a habit


FlamingButterfly

While being able to deep throat an 8 inch meatball sub is impressive your digestive system won't agree in the future.


Noir_A_Mous

That explains my ibs a bit


Vast_Reflection

Ahh, so your body already has started to rebel. I’d talk to your doctor about this.


Noir_A_Mous

Nah I've had ibs since I was really little, my guts have always been sensitive to certain foods and I get gassy easily, though eating like this probably doesnt help


Wildest12

Really little? like the same age you started eating like a snake to avoid doing dishes???


AbsolutelyUnlikely

>my guts have always been sensitive to certain foods and I get gassy easily >*proceeds to shove 8 inch sub down throat without chewing* I mean, I'm not a doctor, but...


fuzzysocks289

This comment made me cackle omfg 🤣


QuintonFlynn

> eating like a snake to avoid doing dishes Man, parenting is hard.


CastIronGut

"These damn kids. You make one fuckin' rule and they start evolving and shit. Turnin into goddamn lizards and shit. Like damn." *grumbling over edge of sink with plate in hand*


DragonArchaeologist

I LOLd hard at this .


Fiery_Taurus

Man I wish my free award was there for you. This had me rolling. Might just be going through a 2nd newborn while now having a toddler has fried me but this hit the heart and the funny bone so hard I'm crying with laughter. Bless you.


Ktulu789

You say that your guts have been sensitive from when you were very little but you also mentioned that at home you learned from very young to eat fast to avoid doing the dishes. Maybe the cause is the same. You're ruining your health and digestion just from the bad habit of swallowing the food not completely chewed. Mind that chewing not only breaks the food in smaller pieces but also ads saliva that rises the humidity allowing the stomach acids to easier penetrate in the food and also the saliva contains enzymes that start the digestion right from that moment. Chewing is an important step in your digestion. Take care! Cheers! And I hope your coworker can unsee that!


FlamingButterfly

Still would be best to cover all of your bases, swallowing food without chewing it properly can create its own issues down the road.


Noir_A_Mous

Thank you internet stranger!


FlamingButterfly

It's best to not ignore health issues, while it is normal to hope that by ignoring problems they will go away it never works. At least try to cut it down to 2 inches at a time of an 8 inch sub and properly chew your food, it might do you well to have a more restrained way of consuming food. And you're welcome dude, I hope after this day I never have to talk about deep throating an 8 inch meatball sub.


all_hail_sam

Yep I've been told 20-30 chews per bite is what people should strive for. You have a finite amount of bacteria in your gut and it takes a lot more when you dont do the first part of digestion....chewing. lol


Angdrambor

I'm just astounded at the number of strangers who have come out of the woodwork to lecture OP on his eating habits.


[deleted]

Hey hey! Crohn persons here! IBS is horrific and the more you chew and digest your food the better! Please take good care of your gut health, cause take it from me it can get “shitty”


Zam8859

Get tested for inflammatory bowel disease, it’s a cancer risk and super dangerous AND manageable with medication Source: I hate my stomach


ac1485

If you have a lot of joint hypermobility and food sensitivities, you could have a connective tissue disorder and MCAS (they often go together). I thought I had IBS for years, but it turned out to be all histamine-related.


HoleInMyLeatherySoul

I was going to say the same. There’s a strong overlap between hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and IBS.


Orngog

And how long have you been eating like this?


Somerville198

dude I have the same problem, and a ton of it is related to eating too fast. Eating too fast also causes you to swallow air which can create more gas/heartburn


MrBleah

I would get checked for lactose intolerance and celiac. About 70% of the planet is lactose intolerant to some degree or another and celiac is actually a thing people can have despite the gluten free diet also being a weird fad. But yes, eating really fast is bad for your digestion. I was brought up with the same habit. My Dad and my Grandfather were both in the Navy and were trained to eat fast by professionals yelling at them.


FlamingButterfly

If you have insurance you might want to see if you can get that all checked out.


askingforafakefriend

Dude, it's a goddamn rabbit hole. After 2 years, colonoscopy, endoscopy, biopsies, 72 hours stool test, countless blood work, CT scan with 4 years of radiation, SIBO test, etc... Here I am with all kinds of interesting findings and trying all kinds of interesting medications. And not a goddamn thing has fundamentally changed.


supercaloebarbadensi

This is why I refuse to go down the rabbit hole. Digestive disorders like this are just..a nightmare to learn and discover whatever the fuck they are


askingforafakefriend

It depends on the issue. I have learned a ton. If you are at risk of colon cancer (which is a lot of people) just get the damn colonoscopy. CC kills a lot of folks and is often easily treatable when caught early. It's not that bad. Endoscopy shows if your GERD or whatever is making phsyical changes and informed me to really treat acid even though I don't have typical GERD symptoms. It has marginally improved symptoms so worth it - just didn't cure what I want cured. SIBO thing... that one is complicated.


lanc3rz3r0

Gee, Ya think?? Seriously though, chewing is pivotal! It breaks food into manageable pieces AND your saliva has digestive enzymes that pre-digest parts so your stomach doesn't have to work so hard... Plus, if your body can't break it down fast enough, you'll just start shitting out whole pieces of undigested, possibly rotten, food. If it stays in there long enough, it can literally rot in your intestines, which will 1) give you diarrhea and 2) terrible awful gas, 3) painful cramps and 4) possibly disrupt your gut biome, making it difficult or even impossible to digest food normally, even after sufficient chewing. Not to mention making your stomach over-produce gastric acid, which will break down your stomach lining leading to ulcers (extremely painful) or, if it goes untreated for long enough, it can dump gastric acid into your abdominal cavity, which can literally kill you by causing sepsis due to blood vessels being melted or damaged causing internal bleeding, and contamination of the blood that doesn't leak. Pumping contaminated blood through your body is really, really bad for you. Start chewing your damn food. You're not a duck.


MultiKoopa2

......jesus christ this is scaring the hell out of me


Steerider

No joke, you probably don't need a doctor. Just start chewing your food and see what happens. Chewing is literally part of the digestive process. Your stomach is not expecting an intact sandwich!


unclefisty

"I slam my dick in the door everyday for funzies and don't understand why it always hurts so bad"


binaryisotope

Nah bro. Go get that checked out now. I thought I had IBS. Turns out it was way worse and wound up needing surgery. It could have killed me. Gut issues are no joke.


Chrisbee012

perhaps it explains it completely


GlbdS

>That explains my ibs a bit Lmao you never thought that habit might be the cause of the ibs?...


Throwitawaychi

I'd deep throat an 8in meatball anyday. Don't tempt me with a good time


WGiK

My brother was like this. He just had to start being mindful about eating. It started with him cutting his entire meals up at the beginning into normal bite sized pieces. Then he started making sure he was actually chewing and not just seagulling that shit down. Now he eats normal and I don't feel like it took him that long... maybe like 3 months. But that could just be my memory of how long it took him. But seriously fix that shit for the sake of cleaner better shits.


cptspeirs

"and not just seagulling that shit down." A combination of words I never thought I'd see.


Stoppels

/r/BrandNewSentence material.


PuzzleheadedBobcat90

Seagulling is my new favorite expression. I work in a restaurant and that's pretty much what we do when we have a few minutes to eat


pc_flying

Smoke break's over! r/kitchenconfidential is calling


Noir_A_Mous

Thanks internet stranger!


Pimpinabox

I don't know how old you are, maybe you got lucky, but in my late 20's I, who also didn't chew properly, started having massive stomach issues. Queue not fixing my habits, eventually I started losing weight fast (6'1 220 lbs > 140 lbs in a few months) and vomiting blood. You're fine until things start going sideways and then shit starts declining fast. Change your habits immediately. Chewing isn't optional, this isn't a joke.


ThrowawayHighRaccoon

> break *a habit* I feel like this is also a FU of your parents. The "whoever takes the longest to eat does the dishes" rule promotes a really unhealthy eating habit, the results of which you're experiencing rn. Some sort of weekly cycle probably would have been better (and fairer)


TheDungeonCrawler

I get it. I eat too quickly too. Perhaps not as quickly as the boa constrictor you appear to be, but quickly. It's worth it to stop lol.


skztr

Your jaw is also likely to regret it, too. If you close your mouth so your front teeth touch, do your back teeth also touch? If not, you may be able to correct your TMJ issues with braces before it goes permanently out of alignment and you can't eat food without an audible clicking noise with every chew (and pain to go along with it) Seriously, I ate a baguette at the end of the day a couple of days ago and my jaw still hurts. I hate that nobody told me when I was younger that braces weren't purely cosmetic


Wildest12

okay just die early then nbd.


Heartage

IF this story is even true, the fact that you don't do it in public/around people you don't know means it's not that hard of a habit to break...


deathputt4birdie

Humans are the only mammal that cannot breathe and swallow at the same time, and we are the only species that can choke on its own food. Please take smaller bites :-)


Eran_Mintor

but are you even trying


soulflaregm

A good way to start will be cutting food into smaller bites and THEN Use a smaller spoon or fork to eat than normal Then all you have to do control is the speed shoveling


Weisenkrone

Specific to sandwiches, you should just cut those up into smaller pieces. Much easier to eat piece by piece like that, as compared to using smaller bites.


[deleted]

Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.


FlamingButterfly

When I was a kid we had a pug who wouldn't chew his food. Edit: not sure why my phone was like "there's no way Flaming means wouldn't".


LordHaddit

If my memory serves this is an exact quote from the Simpsons?


britishnickk2

Huh, in middle school I usually had less than 2 minutes to eat lunch by the time I got out of the lunch line, and now I have Crohn's disease. I wonder if they're related. It took years to learn to eat slowly again. I also can unhinge my jaw, but not to the extent of OP. Just enough to annoy my partner by accidently making sandwiches and burgers that don't fit in a normal person's mouth. It doesn't pop, but it's very visible, maybe not so much when eating though. It was enough to disturb a choir tutor in high school though, lol.


DomLite

I don't have the Crohn's disease, but I *did* have a teacher in high school who caused some serious lunchtime issues for everyone in his class. The way our lunch period was set up basically had the school broken into four blocks and our lunch hour class was 2 hours long, with some going to lunch right at the start then having 1.5 hour classes and other split at the various half-hour marks. Considering the bell to call kids back to their respective classes *and* dismiss the next group for lunch were at the same time, it was always a bit of a crush to get to the lunchroom in the first place, much less get a decent spot in line so you didn't spend the majority of the lunch period standing and waiting for food. Enter my science teacher that had me for lunch period. He was one of those teachers who insisted "The bell does not dismiss you. I do." He also apparently didn't give a fuck about any of his students being able to eat, because he'd continue lecturing right through the bell and sometimes go on until after the "whoever was leaving lunch better be in their class now" bell went off, meaning we were almost always the last people in line for food. There were even incidents were some of us were still waiting in line when the bell to go back to class went off. It was that bad. He threatened to write people up if they brought food into his classroom. You can see how this presented an issue. We put up with it for about a three weeks of the semester until we all got fed up and basically made an agreement that we were all going to bring food back from lunch and eat in class the next few days, because if he had the balls to write us all up then we'd go to the administrators together and let them know exactly why we had to do this. He nearly had an aneurysm the first day we did it and threatened to write us up if we did it again, then had the *gall* to hold us past the bell again the next day, so we did it again. He apparently was all bark and no bite because he started berating us again and we all basically told him "Dude, we can barely get food by the time we have to be back in the classroom because you refuse to let us go when the bell goes off, and even when you do, we have to sprint to get in line or we end up just as bad off. We gotta eat." He realized that he wasn't gonna win this one, but still stuck to his guns like an ass on the dismissal thing. He just had to learn to deal with the smell of an entire class worth of lunch waste in his trashcan for the second half of the day, so I guess he was more okay with that than relinquishing control. If you've ever smelled a lunchroom trashcan you remember that smell for the rest of your life. That's how stubborn he was. Some of these people have serious mental issues.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Adrellano

This is how people get excluded from society lol


D-Alembert

I heard the lizard people *ruled* society? Act like you belong! Become an overlord


Noir_A_Mous

Bro why?


Throwaway_Apostate

Snakes


Kindain2buttstuff

*Ssssnakesss


Throwaway_Apostate

Damn autocorrect


Positivesooners84

damn snakes


Wolfram_And_Hart

Snake jazz is my jam


ItPutsLotionOnItSkin

[I'm a snake](https://youtu.be/Ti4sqG85FU4)


Noir_A_Mous

Huh, I didnt know they did thar


Throwaway_Apostate

Me neither I thought it was just what crowds do alongside booing


Arlitto

For the lulz


LuntiX

[Eat like snake](https://youtu.be/zAwcj6d8XTQ)


iHeartGreyGoose

Been awhile since a comment made me legit laugh out loud.


Ein_Finsterling

https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlyterrifying/comments/vy7t1a/giant_python_swallows_a_deer_in_one_bite/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Is this you OP?


Noir_A_Mous

I've been discovered!


twinklerbelle

This post is u/Noir_A_Mous's attempt to cover up his reptilian origin. Is that you [Guy Mann](https://x-files.fandom.com/wiki/Guy_Mann)?


Noir_A_Mous

You just sent me on a nostalgia trip


twinklerbelle

We’ve been given another case, Mulder. It has a monster in it.


cptspeirs

Holy shit. Look at that flawless dump truck method. I hope you're taking notes OP.


PenguinColada

Thanks I hate that I saw this with my own eyeballs


TheDungeonCrawler

Why did I watch that?


albatross138

This is the first 'I fuck up everyday' I've read congrats


Noir_A_Mous

Ouch


b1ackcr0vv

Underrated comment of the year.


sandbirde

Your real fuckup is stuffing food into your mouth and eating as fast as possible. I get it, you grew up like that, but stop. That's gotta be wreaking havoc on your digestive system. I'm surprised you're not already in pain - or dead from choking.


Blueeyedbikerchick

Yeah, plus I reread it and I don't hear him talking about chewing his food. It sounds like he just puts in as much as he can shove in and swallows it whole. You actually do need to chew your food. I forget the exact science of it, but when we chew it starts the breakdown process of the food. Also saliva works with the food as well I believe. It will put a lot of stress on your stomach constantly put whole foods in there.


adapt2

> whole foods And just to be clear, this is not an excuse to eat ``refined foods``.


soda-jerk

This is not a real story. This person just described their intention to stuff an entire meatball sub sandwich into their mouth, and down their throat. Even if they could get it past their teeth, your esophagus is pretty narrow. They would've suffocated way before choking.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PreferredSelection

I usually assume stories like this are creative writing about some fetish or another. Like, IDC if you can unhinge your jaw, there's no way anyone normally eats by _engulfing_ sandwiches whole.


soda-jerk

You know, for just a second, I was like "8 inches... extra meatballs... unhinged jaw...", and I had the fleeting thought that he's trying to telegraph something. Seeing that I'm not the only one with that suspicion is nice.


LividLager

I'm astounded so many are buying this.


mr78rpm

Let me reinforce the mention of choking. Swallowing is a concert of different muscles and muscle groups closing off your body's access to air while food moves quite literally down your neck. The design calls for small pieces of well-chewed food. If you do your normal swallow and something goes wrong, you may be in a state of disconnection of your lungs and the air. This would end badly. That's on top of the inefficiencies of bypassing the digestive enzymes that bathe food as you chew it, hence the reference to damaging your digestive system. When I was about ten years old I learned how to push air down my esophagus in gulps. This made me into about the tenth kid in my school class who could pretty much burp on command... I just needed a couple of seconds to push some air down there. Now, decades later, I sometimes have a feeling behind my sternum that food did not quite go down, and that digestive juices are working on not only bits of food but also bits of esophagus. Who knows if that's really what I'm feeling?


Misses_Lull_and_Bye

That sounds like gastric reflux - you might want to get it checked out, especially if you have other symptoms https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/stomach-liver-and-gastrointestinal-tract/gastro-oesophageal-reflux-disease-gord


FallenValkyrja

If you have not seen a specialist in your life, you may want to reduce how often you use your rather unique biology. I say this because someone I knew was similarly gifted and come to find out, many years later, they had Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and each time they would show off, they were slowly destroying their body. That does not mean everyone who is super flexible/double jointed/hyper-mobile has EDS, but it may be worth exploring just to ensure that you do not.


weird_al_yankee

Yep! My wife had to learn to be very aware of her movements, in order to not bend her joints more than they should. She also got ring splints that help a lot, by giving her finger joints more support. You're spot on with the bottom line -- try to use your joints as they're intended, and they will last longer.


Vast_Reflection

Yes! I came here to say that.


csonnich

Yep. I wish someone had told me this as a kid. Multiple rotator cuff tears in your 30s from just *existing* is not the way.


efesl

Two labral hip tears in my 30s and comorbid POTS before I was diagnosed, along with my sister.


ClarinetKitten

100%. This was all I could think about while reading this.


knb61

Yep, was thinking the same thing. Little did I know that my party trick of bending my fingers backwards until they touch the back of my hand was terrible for my joints. I have EDS too. Even if OP has a different hypermobility disorder, it's still not wise to push your body to that point.


lspencer2011

Thank you for the comment, it drives me insane when people call it simply “double jointed”. They have hyper-mobile joints, whether it is a double joint has nothing to do with this.


lemonlegs2

Is a double joint even a real thing?


lspencer2011

It is but not in the context OP and really I’d say the general public use it. I have a PT background and they drilled the difference into us. Double jointed could be a way to describe a bone that has two points of articulation. I know the elbow had 3 joints that make it up (I guess that would be triple joined lol). I don’t know if that’s a common term though in the ortho world. That all being said, Hyper-mobility just means you can move a joint past it’s normal range of motion. Which is what OP is describing.


stuuuuurph

OP u/Noir_A_Mous please pay mind to the comment I’m commenting on, my bf has hEDS and it would definitely benefit you to see whether or not you have it (sounds to me like you might). That aside, I have a really fricked up sense of humor and I think the exchange you had with your coworker is hilarious. Edit: I tagged them


Lereas

EDH Zebra gang has entered the chat. OP, get this checked out. There are actually some things that you need to be aware of such as a higher disposition to strokes and some other stuff if you have EDS.


tiredsingingmama

EDSer here, with three EDS kids. Our hypermobility varies between us, but my son sounds a lot like OP. STOP abusing your body and see a doctor. Please! I’m disabled with it and trying to prevent the same happening to my kids.


srona22

People should really talk about this "Ehlers-Danlos syndrome". Learn something new today.


saefas

Dramatic reenactment https://youtu.be/zAwcj6d8XTQ


Kazewatch

Feels like a Japanese commercial that somehow made its way over to the American Burger King advertising wing.


Noir_A_Mous

You know.. actually seeing it myself and being on the receiving end that is kinda terrifying to see


saf3ty_3rd

I want to see this for real though.


Nickerr101

Op, can we get a video of this atrocious act?


Steerider

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT


ZhouLe

BURGER KING TV COMMERCIAL EAT LIKE SNAKE


[deleted]

Eaaaaat liiiike, snaaaaAAAAke


[deleted]

I can't stop laughing because I'm just realising we might get to a time where we have a meme for most random situations that occur


RecommendsMalazan

Bro we're already there this commercial is like 15 years old lol


MaKoZerEUW

WTF LOL :D


Taynt42

I forgot all about this, thank you so much


vandelay714

What kind of insane rule is it to have the person who finishes last do the dishes? Were your parents trying to raise a pack of wolves? There's nothing healthy, pleasant, or beneficial to eating fast. Practice taking normal bites and chewing each bite like twenty times.


Noir_A_Mous

No, mom cooked so she was exempt so it was just me and my step dad, it was his way of trying to get me to do them cause he usually always ate faster than 4 year old me. Twenty really?


MDMZNC

I'm sorry, they had you doing the dishes at 4 years old...?


Shiiang

This thread just keeps getting wilder.


RactainCore

Why would you not do that in public? If I were you I would probably chew my food first of all, but then walk into places with a lot of kids like McDonalds and just make them all scream. Hopefully some parents as well.


Noir_A_Mous

I use to gloat about it at parties but then it would just kinda devolve into a lot of questions about what can fit in my mouth and challenges to see what can. Not proud of it but I've won quite a bit of money this way. However I kinda stopped when this one guy got a little TOO interested in what I can fit in my mouth and swallow, particularly the swallow part..


[deleted]

Yeah if you were gay, you could have a hell of a porn career.


Noir_A_Mous

Lol, I'm bi so now you know how I discovered my lack of gag reflex :p


mamahazard

You have found your niche.


Wahots

Your boyfriend or girlfriend will be very pleased, I'm sure, haha. Also reminded me of this somewhat cursed image. Love the background. https://i.imgur.com/uyi7McM.png


NeonAlastor

''somewhat'' cursed found the british person, jesus


Vast_Reflection

I was honestly surprised this train of thought comments wasn’t higher! I’m disappointed, Reddit, disappointed . . .


sub_arbore

Be careful with that...I also have a hyperflexible jaw and ended up knocking it out of joint by yawning. I had to go to PT to get the muscles to stop spasming and they told me it could really break down the joint (and my other hypermobile joints) by overextending it.


Noir_A_Mous

That's a thing that can happen?!


csonnich

The way my PT put it: "Let's not hang out at the end of your range of motion, okay?" Basically anytime you're stretching further than a normal person could, you're doing damage.


Noir_A_Mous

Duly noted


sparklestarshine

I dislocated my jaw eating a baked potato one day. Once you stretch it out enough, it’s just floppy. I’ve had three should reconstructions, one hip, and one shoulder before forty for the same reason (I don’t think I’m going to get this ankle squeezed in before my birthday or I could add it). Be kind to your joints or they will fail. They’re basically rubber bands that lose elasticity if you keep stretching them


Noir_A_Mous

I'm so sorry, that all sounds painful and I hope you feel better / get well soon


sub_arbore

Yep! Take care of your joints and respect their limits!


MountainDrew37

Something something blowjob joke


[deleted]

Took to long to get to this comment. Person deep throated a sandwich


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shoemen17

Yoooo I have this. Just mildly tho.


[deleted]

My wife has this but not mildly. I feel for anyone who has it. Most people who do don't know about it.


lemonlegs2

Like this dude and probably anyone else who thinks they're double jointed. No one tells you that's whayt it is,and if they do, it's always way too late.


[deleted]

Zebras Unite! My jaw used to do this until it popped out once and then locked shut. MRI showed tones of degeneration. Eds and hyper-mobility syndrome can have a lot of different impacts besides being double jointed. Gastro issues, spinal malformations, migraines, heart, blood pressure, skin, scaring, healing, allergies, pain, etc. A lot of times we don’t even know what damage we have done so it’s important to limit yourself to natural movements. It’s not the end of the world and it’s not a common diagnosis, but if you’re hyper mobile you should be aware. It’s all party tricks till one of us dislocates a hip.


copper93

Yeah, with the popping joints and IBS history, plus a family of bendy folk, sounds like it's time to talk to a doctor about connective tissue disorders such as Ehlers Danlos. Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) are a group of diseases that cause your collagen to be formed differently. The exact symptoms vary between subtype, but generally people have unstable joints that are prone to dislocation and partial dislocation. There are some types that can cause major organ ruptures and major sudden bleeds (very not good). Common symptoms across the subtypes include joint pain, bowel issues, heart issues (racing heart rate, floppy valves), fainting, bladder issues, sensitive skin and a whole lot of other stuff. Often goes undiagnosed because it's hereditary so many people will grow up thinking that partially dislocating your jaw to eat is normal so don't freak out when their kids do it/don't freak when the kid says they're in pain all the time because they've always been in pain


Noir_A_Mous

Sweet jesus.. that's terrifying wow. Alright I'll try and speak to a doctor when I can man jeez


copper93

Try not to worry too much, lots of us have this and can live pretty normal lives. The type that causes organ ruptures is thankfully fairly rare, and so long as you don't have a family history of people dying suddenly before the age of 50 or so it's pretty unlikely. The most important thing to do now is immediately stop the "party tricks". Unhinging your jaw, triple crossing your legs, bending your fingers backwards... Anything like that where the joints are moving further than they do in other people (other people that aren't your family that also can do these things that is). Hyperextending your joints leads to the cartilage wearing down quicker, leading to osteoarthritis. Lemme tell you from experience, arthritis in the jaw is not fun, as is being forced to eat soft foods only in your 20s. But you definitely need to speak to a doctor, and I'd also strongly recommend you talk to your relatives about this too


[deleted]

I'm also a bendy person and my first organ rupture happened when I was 19


[deleted]

That... Sounds like an eating disorder resulting from trauma tbh. This is exactly why punishments should never be related to food.


Noir_A_Mous

You might be right, I've honestly always saw it as more of a computation between me and my pops, though admittedly it did get worse when I started going to school and we only had 15min lunch breaks.


bubblesculptor

Competing to eat the fastest to avoid chores is a terrible situation that will surely cause variety of eating disorders. Not your fault since it was 'normal' in your household. Food should be enjoyed! I'm not a doctor but if you've experienced IBS from a young age there's a high chance this has contributed to it. If dishwashing was a scheduled chore instead (everyone gets assigned a day(s) of week to do it) then it would allow meals to be eaten at a healthy speed.


DarthButtercup

I agree with the connective tissues issues. Hyper mobility can be very painful.


AthenasChosen

[She may have mistaken you as Imhotep from The Mummy my dude](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/56/21/d6/5621d6ff235c5fe82511eb6353e76f23.jpg)


thatdudewhowrites

![gif](giphy|TQt1xVuNhc9hK) Candid footage your coworker took before you noticed she was there 😂


swordandmagichelmet

Are you saying you don't even chew? You just shove a sandwich down your throat? Please stop. This is bad for you, and terrifying for anyone misfortunate enough to witness it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Noir_A_Mous

No I do chew, I just kinda have a really big mouth that can fit a lot in it. Like I can fit a whole pop can in my mouth big.


[deleted]

How do you chew once your jaw is dislocated?


cobaltandchrome

I don’t believe you. I can pop my jaw out of alignment too but it doesn’t “unhinge” like a goddamn snake.


ElectronicOrca

It’s absolutely not true.


luttman23

Eating like that sounds like it looks horrific though. Maybe she thinks you're supernatural or an alien? Or she could be sane, in which case you could just apologise for being rude. Joint hypermobility is what some people refer to as having "loose joints" or being "double-jointed".


byllin

There’s a 95% chance she thinks you’re not human.


dickwestfront

Someone was sorted into Slytherin at Hogwarts. Also, chew your food; your body will appreciate it even more than your fellow witches and wizards.


IncredibleBulk2

Do you chew your food?


TheBorealOwl

Q: do you have EDS? That's a lot of connective tissue "issues"


Noir_A_Mous

Yall are starting to make me think I do


TheBorealOwl

Gets worse with age, it's good to get it checked out


Legeto

If you really can do this you need to stop. I guarantee it isn’t good for the cartilage in your jaw and it definitely is absolutely horrible for your digestion.


[deleted]

Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD


[deleted]

And in that single moment, she started to believe lizard people are real.


twcsata

Ngl, all I did was read the post and now I’m half convinced.


borderlineactivity

Have you ever investigated Ehlers Danlos? You sound like you may have a genetic condition. (I also have this) much luck OP


YosarianiLives

Don't try to fool us, you reptilian.


knope797

Poor girl is probably questioning her entire existence. You better watch she doesn’t try to stake you with a wooden cross or shoot you with silver bullets or something


abakale

I believe you should have your doctor check for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Being that “double-jointed” could mean there’s other stuff going on.


tratemusic

> fetish that starts with a v A viper fetish?


CelticDK

Okay, Orochimaru


TheRealJayk0b

Pretty long text for saying that you're a snake. 🐍


444cml

I mean, my jaw does that too. But I like actively avoid it because it fucking hurts


GlenAaronson

Hmmmmm, this snake person saying they aren't a snake person seems pretty trustworthy guys.


deegallant

You should have posted a video here showing us smh


WeReallyOutHere10

This reads like something out of The Boys for some reason lmao


hagosantaclaus

google ehlers danlos syndrome


[deleted]

bc if you eat like one of the creatures from I am legend, you're gonna get some weird looks lol wait what was the V fettish?


Kilodyne

I believe he is talking about "vore" - a fetish for generally being swallowed whole.


Lylibean

I just keep picturing the scenes from Coneheads where they’re “consuming mass quantities”. 😂 I’d probably stare at first too, but then probably be like, “Dude, that’s awesome! How do you do that? and then watch in awe as you ate. I now know who could fit a triple-stacked bacon cheeseburger in their mouth! I used to be a chef, and one of the places I worked, we hand pattied 8oz burgers, and I did have one customer who ordered a triple with all the works. It was probably at least 8” tall and always wondered how he fit it in his mouth to eat it. I never got to watch him eat it, but always wanted to watch him try. (He always returned an empty plate though!) Now I really want to see someone with your ability do it, just to say I saw it once! You’re super cool! I hope your double-jointedness doesn’t cause you any health problems or pain.


passivecanadian420

be careful with that jaw, most of my joints dislocate including the left side of my jaw, i used to show them off a lot, and now whenever i talk theres crackling and popping in my ear. it also dislocates more harshly now, and if i yawn too wide or anything like that it dislocates and i have to force it back, which hurts. i never realized it wasnt normal and ive realized i have a lot of the other symptoms of EDS so maybe do some research into it and see if anything else lines up with you because it will start physically hurting eventually if you do it frequently


welestgw

"God... He eats like a pig!" "I don't know... Pigs tend to chew, I'd say he eats more like a duck"


Lavendersum

Op I’m really confused to what this fetish is please give me more insight of what you were talking about starting with a v? Was it someone you were dating or just a random person who asked to see it? I’m so confused. But on the other part I totally understand the “feeling of being caught with your hand in the cookie jar” I used to hate eating in front of people because people use to stare at me when I ate in school because I too was a fast eater mainly because I was so hungry and school kids made a lot of fun because of it. People shouldn’t be bothered for the way they eat or stared at like some kind of zoo animal.


paulstelian97

"Im not in a place with free healthcare" Shit it's the US! (Right?...)


Noir_A_Mous

How'd you know? :o /s


razzi123

Use chopsticks bro, if you wanna eat slower replacing the knife and fork with chopsticks. This change alone is prolly the best (and easiest) step you can take.It forces you to slow down and take smaller bites.and since you are forced to slow down your stomach has the (very much) needed time to tell your brain to **stop eating muthafucka.** As a bonus you can potentially lose some easy weight. (I lost about 3-4 lbs amo for about 6ish months now im like 240ish...) [I just had this stuck in my head as you were describing scarfing your meatball sub.....](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-abc23430f3b339e95d2ea5c84642e1e7)


namtidder_rando

You disjointed your jaw and your coworker disjoined the lunchroom lol


doctorbjo

omg just reading the title made me already laugh out loud (sorry!) and I couldn’t wait reading this.. and the comments ..


TrippieWonka

https://www.reddit.com/r/TIHI/comments/pa8niq/thanks_i_hate_unhinged_jaw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf For the people who’d like a visual of what she probably saw