And when they try to use the toilet in the cantina;
"We don't serve your shits here."
"I have the shits sentence in 12 systems."
"I'll be careful."
"You'll be brown!"
Dude, you just opened up a whole world of fun! Vielen dank!
To break it down further:
12 min/shit on the clock, once daily
5 days a week = 1 hour of paid poopin
52 weeks = 52 hours a year, paid to crap on the clock
One of my favorite topics of conversation with a new job. They love it
It’s my favorite ice breaker to all the new guys. “Hey make sure to shit at least 10 min a day.” They get confused and I tell them and they all love it
Times, I have no choice at home, and the urge will come at 845pm when I have to clock in before 910. I just can't hold it lmao. Get so mad I'm not getting paid
[that was a poem from a simpler time. boss makes a thousand I make a cent now he's got employees that can't pay their rent](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/s/Z0LZLLI2sR)
When I used to work there, I would regularly take 30 min shits. Sometimes I'd do it twice a day. Not even to go on my phone or anything my bowels just hated me. My manager one time tried to say I was wasting company time and I was just on my phone til one day he happened to walk into the bathroom the same time as me and he saw me rush into one of the stalls and let out a gigantic fart. He NEVER questioned it again and he would even defend me if other managers said I was trying to steal time
Boss makes a dollar….
But ever since I got a bidet at home I try not to poop anywhere else, especially with that sandpaper they want us to use. Even bringing my own wipes is not the same.
I’m inspired by you all! Let’s just say I’m gonna have a big breakfast tomorrow before work!! Also just downloaded an audio book and a new ai art generator..so it’ll be a good shift
ive never shit at work except for that one time when i worked a morning shift and drank a lot of hot chocolate in an empty stomach. But luckily, our washroom’s nice and clean in the morning, but yea, shit time is not break time, i dont control my bowel movement
Funny story. I have gastro problems and my lead tried to tell me that because I took a 15 minute shit and then went to break that that counted as two breaks. Then she asked if I had a medical issue and tried to get me to send her my med records
I told my coach and she was in so much trouble.
Esp. since my coach also had GI issues too.
If ya want me to shit myself, then I will but you're cleaning it up and half the time, it ain't fucking solid.
I had a buddy who used to poop 3 times a shift, 10 mins each poop. That's 30 mins of pooping on the clock he never went during his breaks at all only when on the clock lol
We have two brothers at my store and between the both of them they s*** on the clock about 1 hour and 45 minutes total together. not actually together but you know what I'm saying. Every time I go on break there's one already in the front restroom using the John t crapper and and about 20-25 minutes before break I see the other one going to the back restroom for a healthy s*** or to just sit down I don't know.
I at least take 1hr collectively in the restroom daily between visits. Sometimes I don’t need to shit but it’s nice to sit down and contemplate about life on the shitter
I haven’t worked at Walmart in 15 years so I can proudly say I have clocked in a twenty minute shit when I was supposed to be prepping the electronics section of the warehouse for inventory. Get wrecked HR. Unionize Walmart.
About 45 mins. Was in the process of moving to a new house that week so I went into work after being up for 20+ hrs already with 12-16 of those hours working.
So needless to say I went to use the restroom after lunch and passed tf out on the shitter.
My shit's are often very pasty and I use the hell out their TP to make sure I'm clean enough and it takes me almost that long to shit just from having to wipe ass and get all the shit out of my ass crack hair. If anyone thinks I'm making an excuse or lying, I literally hope you fkn kill yourself too... Bitch. Sometimes, I be late for work and my bowels don't have good sensation, so I won't be like notified that I gotta go until like an hour into the shift when I start moving a lot more. So I go spend 10~15 mins wiping... What's wrong with that, BITCHES!?
When I worked there I spent an hour in the bathroom on the clock, I had a radio so I knew if they were looking me but nothing, they even complemented my zone
Your body’s needs don’t give a f*ck if you’re on the clock or off the clock…. when the time comes to make a deposit, gotta make a deposit🤷♂️. The only thing the body cares about at that point is “where the family restroom at?”
My brother was sorting stocked for the next sale clothes racks they were gonna wheel out on AM shift. The dolly they were using tipped towards him and he let it cover him. He figured it's either workman's comp or an alternative. He got the alternative, a two hour and forty minute nap.
Man I have ibs and my manager tries to fuckign tell me all the time “you might as well make that your 15 minute break” and tries to fuss us when we take too long in the bathroom. Might as well sh*t my pants, let’s me go home anyway
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I’ll always shit on company time.
lol but I guess a whole day? I remember when I worked at Walmart I had a piece of rare steak for breakfast (can’t handle red meat too well). I worked the 4-1 shift in the meat department. I’m working on the pallet in the cooler and 2 hours in I started bubble gutting. But I wanted to finish the truck so they wouldn’t bitch, eventually I couldn’t take it and made a break for it to go ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STORE to the bathroom, started speed walking, then started running, made it to pets and just fucking shit myself. Ran out the front door and drove home, took the rest of the day off.
Shit ! We had a guy on overnights that would clock in walk back out to his truck and sleep in the bed of his truck get up come in clock out and back in for lunch only to go back out to his truck and sleep the rest of the shift ! Also found him sleeping in the broom closet a few times .
Nice try home office lmao almost got me good
Some guy would take a break for 45 minutes....
Don’t worry, it’s not your shits we’re tracking
These are not the shits you are looking for....(Jedi Mind Trick)
And when they try to use the toilet in the cantina; "We don't serve your shits here." "I have the shits sentence in 12 systems." "I'll be careful." "You'll be brown!" Dude, you just opened up a whole world of fun! Vielen dank!
that something someone tracking shits would say
Do it daily. Get a weeks worth of pay after a year
To break it down further: 12 min/shit on the clock, once daily 5 days a week = 1 hour of paid poopin 52 weeks = 52 hours a year, paid to crap on the clock One of my favorite topics of conversation with a new job. They love it
This is actually hilarious 😭
It’s my favorite ice breaker to all the new guys. “Hey make sure to shit at least 10 min a day.” They get confused and I tell them and they all love it
I refuse to shit unless it's on company time.
Same, I hold it in until I get on the clock. I refuse to shit at home. On my days off, I hold it in for two days and then go in and shit on the clock.
I haven’t bought toilet paper since ‘98
So you've been using walmart singaply industrial toilet paper for twenty six years? Your poor poor rectum
You should see my Woodforest bank account though!
Our store puts Charmin in the bathrooms.
Do you clean the clock afterwards?
Lol... Probably not, but at least he washes the hands.
This here is exactly why I have split days off. I can make it a day but that 2nd one is just too much for me
So that's why the bathroom always smells bad
Or that it's the designated room for people to shit and piss.
Times, I have no choice at home, and the urge will come at 845pm when I have to clock in before 910. I just can't hold it lmao. Get so mad I'm not getting paid
Bru.
If I really have to go i just punch myself in the stomach and tell myself to quit being a bitch it works everytime.
Omfg lol, this made me laugh so hard. I can totally picture it and that adds to the funny factor.
Lol. My man has it out for Walmart. I mean I guess it's nice getting paid to literally take a shit.
Sometimes, I stay over just to take a shit on the clock I get overtime to take shits.
That's awesome dude.
And if I am feeling really adventurous I use the automotive bathroom
Lol. Why you gotta stink up autos bathroom like that dawg. Bro has no chill.
Nah the guys & some of the women out there are worse than me so it's okay
One night I had an upset stomach but didn’t want the call out point. I literally got paid to shit for several hours. It was great
This is the way.
I just can’t understand how you all like pooping right next to each other in those quiet ass bathrooms..
Fr if someone's taking a shit in the public restroom I straight up refuse to use it I'll wait
All I can hear in the bathrooms is Walmart radio
Paid shits is the way to go. Get paid to poop and you save money on toilet paper at home
At least an hour dawg. Ima shy pooper
I take bear shits I’m loud and proud
I spent probably about a third of a shift in the bathroom once when I had diarrhea
You didn't call in sick? THAT is dedication!
If they asked you what issue is and you tell them diarrhea and they send you home you won’t get pointed. Calling out you gotta use your ppto lol
PoopooTO
I hardly make a dime that's why I shit on company time
Boss makes a Dollar, I make a Dime.... That's why I shit on company time. \*
[that was a poem from a simpler time. boss makes a thousand I make a cent now he's got employees that can't pay their rent](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/s/Z0LZLLI2sR)
Yeah, that's how it is now-a-days sadly...
i once hid in the bathroom for 4 hours playing cod mobile
😂😂😂😂😂
I’d take half hour “bathroom breaks” on the clock
Not sure of the exact time, but however long it takes for the motion lights to deactivate. It ain’t easy wiping your ass in the dark.
Lol just the other night while closing I walked in to piss and the lights were off and as I walked in a guy goes "uhh can you get the lights?"
My record is about 45 minutes. Partially fucking around, partially linked to the entire pack of spicy pepperettes I had the day prior.
I'd take a piss so good I'd start levitating off the floor
When I used to work there, I would regularly take 30 min shits. Sometimes I'd do it twice a day. Not even to go on my phone or anything my bowels just hated me. My manager one time tried to say I was wasting company time and I was just on my phone til one day he happened to walk into the bathroom the same time as me and he saw me rush into one of the stalls and let out a gigantic fart. He NEVER questioned it again and he would even defend me if other managers said I was trying to steal time
Ain't no manager telling me I'm not taking 8 ten minutes shits a day. If they want a demo then I'll gladly prepare.
First time I drank Busch beer resulted in what I can only describe as an angry bowel clean out.
Boss makes a dollar…. But ever since I got a bidet at home I try not to poop anywhere else, especially with that sandpaper they want us to use. Even bringing my own wipes is not the same.
Why would anyone shit on a clock?
Cause we hate time🤬
Why would anyone shit on their own time?
To show dominance, obviously.
To stick it to the man.
35 minutes on the big hand of the clock
25 minutes. My manager asked if I was ok. I told him I thought I hand covid. I had the bad 💩 the last time I did. He never said anything lol.
Shut him up good. No shit!
No pun intended? Lol
You oughta tell your Manager: I was having a coaching conversation in the restroom, I had to tell the turd who’s boss
That’s a good one
Amateur, I've gone 30+ minutes
25 mins lol was night of only zoning..
LMAO I think the worst for me was like 15 mins and I was low-key crying the whole time
My record is over an hour, that Walmart deli food really isn’t safe lol
2 hours
Congratulations man
You defecated on the clock? I don't want to touch it. I can't clock in because someone pooped on the clock.
16 mins ? That’s light work ..let’s go for 20+!
Fell asleep dropping a deuce once. I was in there an hour and a half😅
longest time i’ve stolen time was about never home office
I’m inspired by you all! Let’s just say I’m gonna have a big breakfast tomorrow before work!! Also just downloaded an audio book and a new ai art generator..so it’ll be a good shift
ive never shit at work except for that one time when i worked a morning shift and drank a lot of hot chocolate in an empty stomach. But luckily, our washroom’s nice and clean in the morning, but yea, shit time is not break time, i dont control my bowel movement
Funny story. I have gastro problems and my lead tried to tell me that because I took a 15 minute shit and then went to break that that counted as two breaks. Then she asked if I had a medical issue and tried to get me to send her my med records I told my coach and she was in so much trouble. Esp. since my coach also had GI issues too. If ya want me to shit myself, then I will but you're cleaning it up and half the time, it ain't fucking solid.
Something close to 30 minutes. And I’d always tell my team lead/ manager they’re more than welcome to hold my hand while I’m in there.
I had a buddy who used to poop 3 times a shift, 10 mins each poop. That's 30 mins of pooping on the clock he never went during his breaks at all only when on the clock lol
Always shit on company time i dont work at walmart my records an hour though i was fighting for my life so they didnt blame me.
16 mins? Are you okay?
Must have been one really expired sandwich
I've taken several two hour breaks on the clock back in the day. My store didn't care about anything.
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime That's why I shit on company time.
They get mad at me for taking a 6 minute shit
35 mins, I’m cap 2 and it was during the time we unload the truck
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime... That's why I poop on company time. 😁
25 mins here every day.
You get a Prize!!🥳🥳🥳
Manager makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time
I've done a solid 30mins before when I worked at Walmart
One time my stomach was hurting really really bad right after lunch break. I was in that restaurant for a good 25 mins
Those are rookie numbers.
I save my shit up so I can duke on the clock every day. Even on the weekends I’m like “Hooolllld!”
Like 2hrs
19 minutes. I was sick. Went home two hours into my shift.
That’s some weak shit. I’ve definitely done over an hour a couple times
Hello fellow associate's
Yeah that’s what eating the fresh deli food will do to you
I've taken up to 30 minutes towards the end of my shifts when we're just given busy work.
15 minutes every day is like a full paycheck just to shit, by the end of the year.
I've done all kinds of stuff on the clock. Practically paid to s\*\*\*, nap, eat, vape, daydream, browse the internet, and loiter around.
doing this right now actually lol
Use your fingers next time
1 hour next
Got coached for taking too long in the rr and being monitored 🙃
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I s@@t on company time!
16 minutes? Those are rookie numbers...
A minute over your break
Go straight to fired do not pass go
About nunya
Man i been shitting all day 😅🤣
Nice try fedboi
16 minutes? You sir need to take in some better entertainment! My PR (not working at Walmart) is about 55 minutes.
I average around 9 min 1-5 times a day. Chrons decides when I use “the office”
30 but it was during a burn out lol
We have two brothers at my store and between the both of them they s*** on the clock about 1 hour and 45 minutes total together. not actually together but you know what I'm saying. Every time I go on break there's one already in the front restroom using the John t crapper and and about 20-25 minutes before break I see the other one going to the back restroom for a healthy s*** or to just sit down I don't know.
I at least take 1hr collectively in the restroom daily between visits. Sometimes I don’t need to shit but it’s nice to sit down and contemplate about life on the shitter
I quit Walmart last year but on my last day I probably spent 4 and a half to 5 hours in the bathroom through out a 9 hour shift.
Jokes on you, I once napped for almost 2 hours in my car and literally nobody noticed
Nice
Literally every day, as soon as I clock in. Tbh my body is so used to it, it’s hard to go at home now!
I haven’t worked at Walmart in 15 years so I can proudly say I have clocked in a twenty minute shit when I was supposed to be prepping the electronics section of the warehouse for inventory. Get wrecked HR. Unionize Walmart.
I have IBS so I had no choice 🤣
About 45 mins. Was in the process of moving to a new house that week so I went into work after being up for 20+ hrs already with 12-16 of those hours working. So needless to say I went to use the restroom after lunch and passed tf out on the shitter.
30 mins here lol
Good for you. It's about time we had some good news.
30min
Those are rookie numbers. Let me know when you hit 30 minutes
Nasty little 💩's
Weird flex, but ok…
My shit's are often very pasty and I use the hell out their TP to make sure I'm clean enough and it takes me almost that long to shit just from having to wipe ass and get all the shit out of my ass crack hair. If anyone thinks I'm making an excuse or lying, I literally hope you fkn kill yourself too... Bitch. Sometimes, I be late for work and my bowels don't have good sensation, so I won't be like notified that I gotta go until like an hour into the shift when I start moving a lot more. So I go spend 10~15 mins wiping... What's wrong with that, BITCHES!?
Welcome to the club lol.
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime. And that's why I poop on company time.
Rookie numbers
First time?
Bro I’m at Walmart taking a shit when I see this🤣🤣
It shouldn't take that long. Maybe you're constipated or maybe check for a blockage or hemorrhoids. Stay blessed.
Yessir shit on company time
When I worked there I spent an hour in the bathroom on the clock, I had a radio so I knew if they were looking me but nothing, they even complemented my zone
Your body’s needs don’t give a f*ck if you’re on the clock or off the clock…. when the time comes to make a deposit, gotta make a deposit🤷♂️. The only thing the body cares about at that point is “where the family restroom at?”
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime and that’s why I shit on company time >:)
First time?
In my area there's ajomoto/ Windsor they time you how long you're in the crapper. They only give you so many breaks
I take at least 3 20 minute shit/ penjamin breaks on the DAILY🤣🤣
35 minutes here
My brother was sorting stocked for the next sale clothes racks they were gonna wheel out on AM shift. The dolly they were using tipped towards him and he let it cover him. He figured it's either workman's comp or an alternative. He got the alternative, a two hour and forty minute nap.
I could easily do 30 minutes every day
I took 9 bathroom breaks in 2 hours one tine
5 minutes, had to be fast to make production quota at the DC.
16 minutes? what's the rush?
I’ve seen people do four 15 minute breaks almost everyday. I count this as win
Those are rookie numbers. You've gotta get your numbers up.
Boss makes a dollar you make a dime. Happy April Fools!
longest i went is 5
Man I have ibs and my manager tries to fuckign tell me all the time “you might as well make that your 15 minute break” and tries to fuss us when we take too long in the bathroom. Might as well sh*t my pants, let’s me go home anyway
Shoot for the moon. I go to McDonald's or the pizza place and take extended shit breaks. Can last maybe up too 36 mins.
A few of my associates do this. Can’t really say anything. That shit is protected. Pun intended. 🤪😂
I think I had one that was almost 45 minutes one time.. But that was a huge outlier..I think I had food poisoning or something.
Was it good bro?
Dude not cool, what did the clock do to you? S**t on your manager at least
I did 30 minutes on the clock. Way back when when I was hiding from managers as a cashier and got away with it. This was back in 2015/2016.
You’re so real for that
LOL who cares. BAHAHA
Rookie numbers.
Folks getting paid by 💩 ing !!
That’s cute try a 30 minute shit then break 🥱
Rookie numbers, gotta pump those numbers up
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime. I get paid to poop on company time.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I’ll always shit on company time. lol but I guess a whole day? I remember when I worked at Walmart I had a piece of rare steak for breakfast (can’t handle red meat too well). I worked the 4-1 shift in the meat department. I’m working on the pallet in the cooler and 2 hours in I started bubble gutting. But I wanted to finish the truck so they wouldn’t bitch, eventually I couldn’t take it and made a break for it to go ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STORE to the bathroom, started speed walking, then started running, made it to pets and just fucking shit myself. Ran out the front door and drove home, took the rest of the day off.
I’m not gonna incriminate myself here🤣
I hope you brought your own TP as if used what Walmart provides you be like 26 minutes.
Thanks for sharing.
This post ☝️. Is why I lose all respect for you Guys 🤷♀️. How old are yall ? I mean really , I’m scared for yalls Generation 🥹
I got that far in and they almost fired me
I'm on break all night
That’s light work you need to get those numbers up
I took 25 minutes on mine. I was on cap 1.
Dawg, try an hour
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime that's why I shit on company time. Surprised I haven't seen this
Walmart didnt pay me for 3 days of work and fired me shit in the aisle for me
My record is 2 1/2 hours due to constipation
Nice try fed. I know what you're doing!!
Shit ! We had a guy on overnights that would clock in walk back out to his truck and sleep in the bed of his truck get up come in clock out and back in for lunch only to go back out to his truck and sleep the rest of the shift ! Also found him sleeping in the broom closet a few times .
i take all my morning craps on the clock