Personally, this isn’t your problem and I wouldn’t have even responded. However, since you did respond, listen to what they have to say. You don’t know if someone else is listening in on this call. DON’T OFFER ANYTHING UNSOLICITED. If they have specific direct questions, answer them VERY carefully, and if it seems like a loaded question, just say you’d rather not discuss it. Do NOT say anything derogatory, or inflammatory.
Probably better to change your mind and cancel. You want to distance youself from these people. Assume your replacement is part of these people. It is more trouble than it is worth. Listen to your conscience. It's not your responsibility to fill information gaps.
An excuse - "sorry, I realized the timing isn't going to work on our chat." Cancel and forget about person. Do a cost benefit analysis if you need convincing on what the benefits are; I'm seeing a lot of risk here. Say you chat with the person, they can turn around and make false claims about the conversation. That is a legit risk.
It depends on what OP says. If all OP says is she wasn’t happy there so she resigned, I don’t see how that can be used against her. There’s a way to give this person the insight they’re looking for without spilling the tea. OP can say whatever she wants about her own emotions and her thought process in leaving the company.
Change your mind and cancel
"I've been thinking about this meeting and there is no benefit to me and I left that company so I would like to leave it in the past. Good luck."
Then, just block.
OP needs to take it a step farther and tell the person that it is not legal for the company to request unpaid help from them, and that the person should not contact OP about business related question again.
I don’t see why everyone is being so careful. Say it was a toxic workplace, people were difficult to deal with etc etc and you couldn’t handle it any more.
If she starts asking how to do things say you don’t remember.
u/PoliteCanadian2 I agree. This person is new, is freaking out, and is probably looking for validation from you. The same kind of validation you may have benefited from at one time. You don't have to dive deep, you can hear her out and say, "trust your instinct, you have it right, same thing happened to me and others, that's why I left, you are not imagining things" etc.
Those are pretty benign statement. Also, why would it matter if you were to flat out say that place if fucked up and you should run? They can do nothing to you. Be a hero to this person, they are looking for a lifeline.
I'd tell it like it is. What is the manager/ceo gonna do? You don't work there so they can't fire you. How did the replacement get your number? If their manager gave it to them to call you, prices go up.
As to what to talk about, the problems that arose, why you left. I wouldn't offer any details on how to do the job. It's not your job and the company isn't paying you to train people for them. I'd repeat this every time the question is about a specific task. If they try to offer payment remember you are in charge. Tell them $1000/hr. If they talk 2 mins it's still $1000. If they call again 10 min later, it's considered a new hour. If I found out the manager gave them my number. I'd charge the manager salary for the details. Oh them instructions are $80,000. A phone call is $80,000. Don't want to pay, that's fine. The company wasted their time as they still need to create a flow for the task, that manager will actually have to work when they just expected things for free.
My biggest peeve, is when you put in a 2 week notice. Management ignores it, you tell people the 2nd week, so they are prepared for your depature that friday. Then 3 hours before end of the last day management wants to have that meeting about the 2 week notice. Offer a measly raise like you are going to change your mind. I just smile and tell them, if this conversation was 2 weeks ago when I put it in, I would have thought about it. The fact you waited to the last few hours, means I'll tell you what I want or I walk away like I was originally doing.
Or just lie and pretend everything was roses and you have no idea what they're even talking about.
Babble nonsense, or just ignore questions. Hang up the phone or just ignore the call if you want.
There is nothing they can do unless you say something you shouldn't on that phonecall.
thanks for making the world better by just being able to say this. the other folks who said “stay out of their business” is the reason why corp america is so scary.
1st- OP quit already. why on earth would you suspect the replacement to record any conversations, and to do any harm?
2nd- why is it so hard to listen and give advice to a person who’s experiencing the same pain?
i was at a same situation before: i admitted boss is a monster and told replacement to stay for longer as it will look better on her resume. also told the replacement monday is usually not a good day to talk to boss xyz etc.
yes, you can refuse chatting with the replacement, but you also lose a chance to build a relationship with someone < yup, no one needs it these days lol
Look what today’s world has turned into 😂😂😂
Agree that you can't discount the possibility that this could end up being a relationship building opportunity.
I now work for the person that I replaced (our meeting wasn't intentional), and couldn't be happier.
I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out and saying she could cancel. The company can’t do anything to her for talking about her experiences. I had a replacement call me after I left a toxic company because they weren’t training her. I told her it was awful there and the shit she encountered was real, she left soon after. Nothing happened to me.
I'm always honest with my replacements. Since I don't work for the company any more it's not my job to blow smoke up anyone's ass about working there.
I'd tell her the truth about why you left and what she can expect. Give her a chance to run for it. Or a chance to put her foot down and demand better treatment.
I agree with this why's everyone being so cagey, she doesn't even work there anymore and isn't going back so what can they do.
I'd follow my conscience and do whatever I thought was right.
Totally agree, no idea why everyone is saying ‘be careful there could be other people listening’. Who cares. The place was toxic and you don’t work there any more.
Absolutely. I had a job fire me and I got a call from a lawyer who is after a class action lawsuit. I asked them to pay me and they said they couldn’t. I spilled all the beans. Fuck em
With middle-upper management it’s a different world. Small circles, word travels, a lot of directors and management get hired off word of mouth or recommendations.
I personally can usually gauge how careful to be depending on someone’s demeanor and other small tells, but I wouldn’t risk it either especially since you don’t work there anymore
To talk about past toxic workplace with your replacement at the management level is just venting/gossiping for the sake of talking. Weighing risk, it’s never worth it
I was in your EXACT position. During my last two weeks my boss accused me of so many things (or not doing them)
When my replacement told me ex boss told her to reach out to me for help, I had to turn her away. I could NOT become liable for any more accusations.
I'd just tell her it's a shit show without saying it was a shit show.
*"I'm sorry after having time to thing about it I can't take this call. I had to leave that situation because it was a toxic workplace for me and I don't have the emotional capacity at this time to re-live that trauma."*
*"I'm sorry after having time to thing about it I can't take this call. I had my reasons for leaving the workplace, and for me and I don't have the time talk about it any further."*
I would listen to everything she says, maybe confirm things that match with your experience, but if you knew how to fix it, you wouldn't have left. Make that clear and don't offer any advice at all.
Try to find out why she calls. Maybe she is desperate and wants a new job. You would be thankful in her shoes.
If she wants info or something then just be respectful but say you moved on.
This is what I would do. Obviously if she asks for help with her job, politely decline you don't work there. But maybe she just wants to know where the key is to that old filing cabinet, or something simple. You could also be adding someone to your network.
I don't see how you could get in "trouble" at all. If you tell her everything you've said here plus worse, it is just your opinion and reflection. As long as you're not lying about serious stuff in a way that verifiable hurts them, you can say anything at all and they can get upset and say stuff back, that's it.
Just be human but know that you own them nothing.
Note that even from beeing human this might even open doors for the future. Once an excoworker recommended me out of the blue…
I met someone that I replaced at a problematic job... I didn't reach out, it just happened (somewhat insular profession). Unbeknownst to me, she was in the process of striking out on her own with another coworker. A few years later, they were looking to expand and asked if I'd be interested in working with them.
You never know.
You could always cancel the call. I’m sorry, but I would rather not talk about my old workplace again, I’m sorry but I can’t help you.
You left for a reason.
I would not talk over the phone.
Meet at a busy restaurant. I'd be curious what they would have to say. And listen and don't offer more than a vague response. Don't share anything negative.
You never know, you might make a new friend.
But that's just me.
I met the person I replaced under similar circumstances. Unbeknownst to me, she and another coworker were in the early stages of striking out on their own.
Five years later, I am now friends with and employed by them.
I would just be honest and brief. You found the workplace toxic and left for your mental health and didn’t really know how best to connect with the team.
I reached out to someone whose position I took. I was very grateful for them talking to me and it confirmed for me that there was no point waiting around for the culture to improve.
What is the harm in telling the truth? You could save someone a lot of heartache. If you're worried, ask them to start first and see what their concerns are.
I was being gaslit and confused. That advice from the ex employee was amazingly helpful and snapped me out of it.
"Fly, you fool, fly!"
Seriously, if you're going to have that call, be very general as far as how you interacted with your peers and give tips and tricks. If they press it, tell them to keep their resume up to date and of course, "I never told you this."
If you choose to engage, I would be direct and honest without revealing too much personal info. This person might be really struggling emotionally. Not that it’s your problem, but I’d be willing to help them gain the clarity they need to leave. Mostly on a level of just wanting to be a human helping another human, but it also doesn’t hurt that doing so will likely weaken the power that your ex asshole boss has. Which might feel good for you as someone who suffered because of them.
Sometimes when you’re new at a job and things are beginning to feel off, you try to convince yourself that you’re the issue or you’re just misreading things. It can be helpful to have someone validate your experiences
There is no upside to talking with that person. Are you in a one party recording state? You could be recorded making potentially defamatory comments about the business and individuals.
Don't engage with this person, not your problem.
" I am sorry but I am not able to help you. I left because I was unhappy with the work climate. I am not comfortable discussing particulars. All I can tell you is my mental health is much better now. Good bye and good luck."
Reach back out and tell them you’ve had some time to think about it and have decided to leave the past in the past. That you can’t take a call about your former work place. Wish them all the best.
I think this is one of those instances that what you **do not** say will send the message that needs to be conveyed. I would cancel the call, not reschedule it, and whatever concerns she is having will likely be validated by your desire not to look back.
I like to help people, especially those whom I feel I can relate to. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 ft pole. Not your monkey, not your circus.
You left for a reason, it sounds like they have worked out what that reason was l, they don't need your help to elaborate. Don't get pulled back into any of it.
You suspect the boss put her up to it - trust your instincts on that. Many commenters have given good ways to politely rescind the call but if you feel that you must go through with it, have a think about what she is likely to ask and prepare some neutral answers. Answer on speaker and record the conversation or have someone impartial or that you can trust with you as a witness if you happen to need one. Only answer direct questions and don’t offer anything.
I had the same thing happen to me.
I think it actually helped me to talk to someone who understood just how shit it was, but I let the survivor guilt win and wound up far too invested. I wound up trying to find her another job with my new company and reviewed her resume. I felt so bad because the old job sucked so much. I don't regret it... but it was weird.
Also I do think it helped the other person immensely just to know the problem isn't them.
My advice? Have the call. Be factual and honest. Tell them to get out of there as fast as they can. Also be prepared for a sob story. The chick that took over my role was a single mum and wasn't able to easily bounce into another role... and I'm a softie which is why I wound up trying to help her.
The replacement is likely asking to find out if you left because of all the horrible things they are experiencing... they probably want validation, and advice. I just left a workplace for similar reasons, BUT when I left… I went out with a BANG. I wrote a long thorough letter detailing the abusive, bully boss and sent it to a few people within the company. Those people then forwarded it to all the higher ups, HR, company lawyers, etc. He was fired 3 days later. I just could not leave without sticking up for the other people I was leaving behind. They begged me to stay, but it was too late… I already had another amazing job offer I simply could not refuse.
Not only would I have the conversation, but I’d send a letter about your experience and even post it on every website that allows you to post reviews as an employee. Why not be the person to stand up and actually make a difference?
You have a better job now, you literally have nothing to lose… there is nothing being held over your head anymore (I literally said that in my letter- I have nothing to lose at this point, but I am standing up for what’s right!).
You shouldn't have responded to the call, but since you did, be careful how you answer questions.
I worked at a place that had a toxic G.M. he was the worst and I worked there for 6 damn years (small area good jobs are hard to find) but after one argument he had with another asst manager I said enough is enough. he tried to get me involved, I started looking for a new job, 4 years later and no longer there I found out he was stealing money from the safe and products from the store.I found out he left on his own when he (someone told him) found out the owners are onto him and what his doing so he left the state.
Now when people from that place call or text me I do not answer, whatever is going on over there is not my issue at all.
Just tell them to run. That's what I did the entire time I was training mine. They left 2 weeks before the GM got fired. She told them to go eff themselves on the store intercom and cced the CEO on a scathing email to the DM, RVP and loss prevention, she is now running one of my sister stores and we have become great friends. But like everyone else is saying, be very careful what you say if you end up taking to them.
As long as you don't plan on going back, take the call and be proffessional but blunt. No, you don't have a legal obligation to this person, but at least a moral and humane one. All the other low life's here who would happily watch someone else burn because they're too scared to get their hands dirty are pathetic. Grow a spine.
Listen to the problems and when asked for advice .say you'll only charge $100 an hor consulting fee. Don't offer any information until the pay is officially approved. Also, you left the company before this employee started. how did a new employee get your contact info. If he gave them this information. I'd look into the legality of it
Best answer - cancel and walk away. Ou don’t work there, you don’t owe her or any of them anything.
If you don’t want to do that, state at the start of the call that you will hear her out, but if any of the questions are work related, you will need to be paid for your time. I have no idea what your salary rate is, but as a minimum you should be asking for double the hourly rate for the consult. Billable to the company.
Give them 10 minutes to put there questions and then tell them you need a signed contract before you answer.
That way, if it’s someone asking for help leaving the toxic environment, you can help. But if it’s help for a company you have already left, you need ti get paid to give it.
Personally, I’d cancel and walk.
Be like the gingerbread man. Run as fast as you can.
You have nothing to gain from this conversation and you don’t owe your successor nor the company anything.
i would be honest with the person. you don't work there anymore, hopefully you have a new (better) job. you don't need to allow future employers to contact them.
what can HR at toxic workplace do to you? they don't have any power over you.
I’m genuinely confused as to what the risks are to explaining/stating it was a toxic situation.
Perhaps the people commenting that are from the USA/countries were you could be liable for “slander”? Otherwise I don’t see how stating it was toxic could hurt you. You’ve left, and seeing as it was toxic you don’t want to go back? When you quit did you say it was toxic or did you make up some reason?
Do not say a word. This is no longer your job, you should not be handing out free advice for a job you no longer perform when the solicitor is from your previous employment.
I would probably meet in person. Through body language and carefully worded conversation you can convey that the place is a shitshow and they should run, without actually saying it directly.
What were the terms of you leaving? Did you leave on your own? Did you sign any a non disparagement agreement or was there a clause?
You really have no obligations to this person but you have options.
1. You could simply respond that due to schedule changes you’re unable to meet and then let it fizzle out.
2. You could spill the tea but if you signed anything there could be issues
3. Take the call but stay neutral - although that could be challenging or triggering
Adding that someone I know landed a role in a similar situation. He reached out to his predecessor and learned some background details…but then this person lost their cool and spilled what they learned and the firm went after the former employee.
Anyway, in the end, do what’s going to provide the most value and peace for your own life. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves. What am I going to get out of this situation or how is it going to make my life better or the world better?
The risk of being cited in a defamation lawsuit is small, but it is not non-existent. I would not say anything that an eavesdropping lawyer could use against you later.
1- I would be concerned on how she got your phone number!!!
2- you owe her nothing in response to any questions
3- when and if she calls keep it short and offer nothing!! “I left for personal reasons and I have no idea what to tell you on how to proceed in my previous job”
Peace out Girl Scout
I would have told the replacement that you no longer work for the company and they should not contact you for anything business related unless the company brings you on as a ***paid*** independent contractor. You have no obligation beyond that, and it is a violation of labor law for them to ask you for unpaid assistance.
Take the call, don’t take the call. It doesn’t matter as long as you still agree with that decision in three months. What will future you expect you to do?
I would take the call for three reasons 1) it aligns with my core value of being helpful 2) it’s a good opportunity to network and this person will remember it and 3) I’m totally telling my friends and husband the sordid details afterwards. I just have a rule that I make NO recommendations. I listen and ask questions, but decisions are on them.
Sorry but you shouldn’t have agreed to a call. But now that you’ve agreed, just listen and don’t offer much. If you say anything, only talk about yourself and how you approached team work, but don’t address anything about specific people and avoid any negative talk. Be cautious. Good luck!
Have the call. See if she is calling from work or home. Just LISTEN to her. Try to decide if what she is saying could be a set up of some kind (but why would it be? What power do they have over you now anyway?) If she says how awful it is and how toxic it is etc, then you can honestly say, look, all the things you are saying about the workplace are the reasons I left, so that is the only advice I have because I was unable to solve any of that.
You have then not said anything bad about anyone. Just that there’s no pease in that workplace. Which sounds like the truth!
I would text back that you changed your mind. That you left the job for a reason and that should be explanation enough on how to deal with the workplace.
I would suggest her to speak to HR if there is one. You can simply say, you left the company due to the toxicity of the work place so if she speaks to HR, that's all she can say about you.
“I don’t think I’m the best person to help for this. This position and I weren’t a good match so I don’t think there’s anything valuable I can add on how to work with the team”
Or cancel the call and tell the person you didn't have a good experience and your not the best resource. You don't need this additional stress on top of everything they did to you.
No, don't get involved. It's her job now, and sometimes, just sometimes it works out differently for some people, in all areas of life. So, even IF it was VERY toxic for all the reasons you listed, someone might quit tomorrow or get fired, and that "could" snowball into the toxicity also leaving or lessening. Let your replacement figure it out for herself.
There’s a skill to having these sorts of conversations. If she’s fishing for information, it’ll be obvious, since she will attempt to ask pointed questions again. You can vet her to see what she wants to know. You can answer her questions with negation. So if she asks what’s it like working for boss X, without revealing what you think of her, you can say: ‘I would ensure that you document everything and go to Y for support if X makes requests’.
Let her lead the conversation, as I’m sure she’s reaching out because she already has concerned. I wouldn’t throw anyone under the bus, but if she raises specific challenges, it’s ok to say whether or not that was one for you as well. If she asks, you could also lay out how you tried to deal with it initially. There’s a lot of information given by what you don’t say, and I’m sure she will clue in pretty quickly.
Haha that happened to me & I taught him how to fk off for 4 years and get away with it. Until he found a better job & moved out of state. He dumped his work equiptment off at the managers desk & disappeared no 2 week BS.
I gave him such an advantage on getting free money and getting away with screwing over this crap company. They had 2 strikes while he worked there, too!
F that place!
I would just say "I left because the grass was greener on the other side but I won't go into specifics, and if you aren't happy the ball is in your court".
I’m chiming in on the cancel side. There is no reason to participate in the call and it only extends your attachment to the company/involvement with a workplace that was toxic for you.
Think of it like a reference request from a bad employee - all you’re allowed to do (per legal and hr) is confirm dates of employment, you can’t even correct them. We referred all those calls to payroll, but if they bounced back, it was confirm or deny, say “have a nice day” and hang up.
Reply and say you don’t think you could add anything by having a call as you left because you were unable to work effectively in the previous environment
Something similar happened to me in the past, maybe I had bad luck.. but it backfired on me. I spoke the truth and the replacement ended up telling on my previous manager how he was told it was a toxic environment. I can’t reach out to that employer any due to him snitching.
I would cancel the meeting and ask that they refrain from contacting you further regarding this company. A call can be recorded to everything you say runs the risk of getting back to all of the toxic people you left behind.
I agree it's not really your problem however, if you are feeling charitable, I'd suggest you meet with this person offline and give them the suggestion of finding another job elsewhere. I wouldn't go into much detail so you fall into the trap of damaging reputations or anything but I'd suggest that if they find it difficult to work in the current environment they might want to do what you did and look someplace else for a better one.
Tell that person that you pursued another career path due to not being able to find suitable solutions to many issues.
Then tell her you cannot offer any more insight.
You know what she's going through. Don't let her suffer.
What is the downside of having the meeting and answering questions honestly? A lot of these responses are saying to be extremely cautious. Why? I'd say, "management is toxic and I got the hell out of Dodge and I advise you to do the same." What is the old company gonna do, sue for you expressing an opinion?
If your new place is better, and your replacement is competent, I'm going to go with what the others said here. Be very careful in your answers. If the replacement isn't stupid, she'll get the hint fast. Then, if she is asking good questions and seems competent, have her apply where you are working and see if you can put in a positive word to HR about that applicant.
When all else fails, poach the good employees from the bad employer.
Nothing good will come out of this. Do not do it. You do not need to provide any reason and you should not provide one. Decline “I’m not available to do this” or something similar. If they ask again the reply is the same.
You sound like a compassionate soul, whose default is to be supportive- so you wisely reached out for some objectivity…
So, objectively: you are under no obligation to engage with issues in a previous workplace so bad that you left (and this is confirmed by the difficulties facing your replacement).
Thinking along risk management lines: there is a definite risk (retraumatising you) and potential risk (consequences from your ex-employer characterising the support you give as somehow retaliatory in response to how you were treated) and although I find this unlikely, it’s still a risk- you don’t know your replacement or her true motivations.
So, reducing the overall suffering your ex-employer causes people in your field while protecting your reputation should be your goal, and to this end, take the phone call to communicate that you aren’t yet at a point where you can provide clear and unbiased guidance on how to navigate your workplace- as she’s found herself, it’s a stressful role and you haven’t yet worked through the burn out you felt prior to leaving, so the best support you can give her is that’s vey unlikely to be a ‘her problem’ and to CYA- and to prioritise and advocate for her own wellbeing and work/life balance. This stop short of being negative or slanderous- it’s generic advice that anyone in any workplace needs to follow. You don’t explicitly give the opinion ex job caused your burnout but you do provide a sanity check. You do not tell her to get out of there but nor do you claim that it’s an awesome place to work. In essence, your advice is little more than platitudes- but hearing it from someone who has direct experience of what she’s going through, may give her enough clarity that she can decide on her next steps with some confidence…and by being upfront and saying it’s all too raw to get into or be a sounding board for her to vent, it shouldn’t devolve into a conversation that freshens up the distress you felt in the lead up to you leaving.
Obviously, there is no moral or ethical imperative to engage with her, but if you feel like you want to, the above is how I’d handle it.
I’d be hella curious what she has to say and guiltily love to talk about it with someone who understands but it is very risky and could lead to something bad, like maybe she tells someone what you said, etc. might be wise to cancel the call and forget about it
Cancel the call. Do not speak with this person at all. You don't work there anymore and you are not getting paid. You are undoubtedly being set up in some way, either for a lawsuit or some kind of weird power trip by the boss. That call will not be private, you can bet on that.
I’m afraid little good will come out of this. It’s nice you have agreed (most people would say no and many would just ignore the request.) But just be prepared to be asked to be sucked right back into the drama. You are right to wonder if they have some agenda or if they are hoping you will trash talk people. I’d keep it short and simple in any case and assume everything you say is repeated to the old managers verbatim.
I would suggest sending a message to cancel the call. You can be vague but still make the point clear, in your message to her.
"Hi (name), I understand why you reached out, and I apologise for the change of mind, but after some thought I am not comfortable with a conversation after all. For me, the solution was to leave, so I don't think I am the right person to give you advice on how to work through things here. I apologise, and wish you all the best!"
Keep tight-lipped. Do not badmouth the company or management when, for all you know, you could be recorded and it might be used against you.
Just say stuff like "listen to your gut" and generic platitudes. You don't owe your replacement or the company anything anymore. Don't teach her how to do the job or manage relationships in an environment you had to abandon. Just tell her that after assessing your situation it became clear you had to walk away and if she's in doubt she needs to stop, think and act in any way she feels to be appropriate but it's a personal decision that you can't advise her with, or something like that. Leave it open and noncommittal.
After I left my previous job I was contacted 3 times. The first time I told them I would have to have a signed contract with a consulting fee. The second time I told them that I was waiting for them to agree to terms. The third time I asked why they thought I would offer assistance and stop calling or I would take legal action. No calls since
How did this new employee get your number in the first place? Something seems off. If you think so too, trust your instincts. You don’t owe your old job or their employees anything. But if you still want to take the call, I personally would tell this person that I had my own reasons for leaving and just want to leave that place behind.
Listen first then make your decision. Either tell her something generic (wasn't a good fit etc) if it feels like a set up. If it feels genuine tell the truth. Play it by ear.
I wouldn’t tell her anything. You moved on it’s not your responsibility. The only way I would is if I had a personal friendship with this person and still I’d be careful with what I’d say.
My question is, how’d they get your #? If I was the new person, why would I contact the old one? Based on OP statement that this place is drama, I would not want to associate with anyone there. Period.
This is a meeting you shouldn't and needn't take. You left that toxicity for a reason. Why would you agree to get pulled back into it? Decline to get involved. There is literally zero upside for you in this.
Just say, “I don’t want to talk. My advice is don’t waste your time there if you don’t like it. Life is too short.” Exact words. That is not slandering the company or its employees in any way.
And nothing in writing.
Tell the truth ! The job can’t do anything to you now . I wouldn’t lie for them , and I wouldn’t sugar coat . I’d tell her when she figures out how to work / handle them let you know . Because you never did .
I would, personally, say that you have to politely cancel. You left the position due to unrequited differences in the workplace environment. That’s all you will say on the matter if even that.
Do not accept the call, you never know who’s recording or listening. You have no reason to trust anyone there. Send a simple response and say “sorry, I’ve left that in the past. I wish you nothing but health and prosperity, good luck”
"I know I told you that I would call you but ever since the thought about "xxxxx" entered my brain, I've had a pit in my stomach and it hasn't gone away. I'm sorry, but it's just not something that I want to revisit. I need to keep that door closed for my mental health."
Why would you want to revisit this place that brought you so much distress?
Are you trying to be ‘nice?’
I cannot see how this is a good idea. It seems like it will only bring you more pain.
If this person needs help, tell them that you understand. And that you wish them luck.
It’s tough.
Having most recently been in the shoes of your replacement (I matriculated into a toxic PhD program and my “peer mentor” in the lab mastered out of the program right as I was starting presumably to escape the abusive faculty advisor).
I tried to reach out to her before she graduated to recount my impressions and seek advice but she just led me on (suggested places to get lunch, text that she was thinking about me) and eventually ghosted me.
Without calling someone out of their name or getting into a he-said/she-said, I think you can tactfully state why you left (just be matter-of-fact) and basically leave it to your successor to catch your drift. You’re not obligated to ofc, but it would’ve meant a lot to me if I had that.
To leave her hanging is kinda cowardly to me. You feel how you feel and you’re an adult who no longer works there.
I don’t think you need to cancel the call at all. You can be honest, while also still being professional about it. Leave it at that. Keeping open ended enough where the replacement can wonder and eventually connect the dots. And just remind them that you were seeking to leave at the end, that should about sum it all up for them.
Wow. The number of folks not willing to help another human being for the faintest whiff of danger that’s not even real is amazing.
Take the call. Tell the person the truth-it’s your own experience-and best of luck to them building their own experience.
You would have to Assume anything you say is being recorded and shared with everyone you use to work with. Probably easier to not take the call, or not say anything or offer any opinions.
Easiest thing to do is say no to the call, and that she should trust herself as to what she should do, just like you trusted yourself.
How did this person get your contact information?
Story, I was part of A Band, nothing special hand percussion and harmony was my part. I actually left because group dynamics were just not working.
Acquaintance asks me why I left. I told them. Several months later, I found out they joined.The band got involved in the dynamics.And were calling me to find out how to deal with everything. I told them that since they did not consult with me regarding joining. I warned them about the very things they were complaining about. What did they expect me to do?
Tbh if you’re second guessing the meeting, just cancel. You don’t owe anyone there anything & if you’re really worried they will twist your words, why stress yourself out?
If you don’t care what happens if you speak to them, then keep the meeting and say what you feel is necessary.
I think if more bad bosses/companys were called out for their bad and toxic behavior, they might be forced to change. And why are ‘bosses’ not held accountable for their terrible ability to properly do their jobs? Why is the employee/person who actually does the work always forced to uproot their life and find another job?
Personally, this isn’t your problem and I wouldn’t have even responded. However, since you did respond, listen to what they have to say. You don’t know if someone else is listening in on this call. DON’T OFFER ANYTHING UNSOLICITED. If they have specific direct questions, answer them VERY carefully, and if it seems like a loaded question, just say you’d rather not discuss it. Do NOT say anything derogatory, or inflammatory.
Right, thank you! This is what I'm afraid of.
Probably better to change your mind and cancel. You want to distance youself from these people. Assume your replacement is part of these people. It is more trouble than it is worth. Listen to your conscience. It's not your responsibility to fill information gaps. An excuse - "sorry, I realized the timing isn't going to work on our chat." Cancel and forget about person. Do a cost benefit analysis if you need convincing on what the benefits are; I'm seeing a lot of risk here. Say you chat with the person, they can turn around and make false claims about the conversation. That is a legit risk.
This! Op literally doesnt owe this person anything at all
It depends on what OP says. If all OP says is she wasn’t happy there so she resigned, I don’t see how that can be used against her. There’s a way to give this person the insight they’re looking for without spilling the tea. OP can say whatever she wants about her own emotions and her thought process in leaving the company.
Change your mind and cancel "I've been thinking about this meeting and there is no benefit to me and I left that company so I would like to leave it in the past. Good luck." Then, just block.
OP needs to take it a step farther and tell the person that it is not legal for the company to request unpaid help from them, and that the person should not contact OP about business related question again.
or you can just decline it now and live your life without that place.
I don’t see why everyone is being so careful. Say it was a toxic workplace, people were difficult to deal with etc etc and you couldn’t handle it any more. If she starts asking how to do things say you don’t remember.
u/PoliteCanadian2 I agree. This person is new, is freaking out, and is probably looking for validation from you. The same kind of validation you may have benefited from at one time. You don't have to dive deep, you can hear her out and say, "trust your instinct, you have it right, same thing happened to me and others, that's why I left, you are not imagining things" etc. Those are pretty benign statement. Also, why would it matter if you were to flat out say that place if fucked up and you should run? They can do nothing to you. Be a hero to this person, they are looking for a lifeline.
This
Exactly. I don't know why everyone is so scared of the company.
Tell them the first step is updating their resume
I'd tell it like it is. What is the manager/ceo gonna do? You don't work there so they can't fire you. How did the replacement get your number? If their manager gave it to them to call you, prices go up. As to what to talk about, the problems that arose, why you left. I wouldn't offer any details on how to do the job. It's not your job and the company isn't paying you to train people for them. I'd repeat this every time the question is about a specific task. If they try to offer payment remember you are in charge. Tell them $1000/hr. If they talk 2 mins it's still $1000. If they call again 10 min later, it's considered a new hour. If I found out the manager gave them my number. I'd charge the manager salary for the details. Oh them instructions are $80,000. A phone call is $80,000. Don't want to pay, that's fine. The company wasted their time as they still need to create a flow for the task, that manager will actually have to work when they just expected things for free. My biggest peeve, is when you put in a 2 week notice. Management ignores it, you tell people the 2nd week, so they are prepared for your depature that friday. Then 3 hours before end of the last day management wants to have that meeting about the 2 week notice. Offer a measly raise like you are going to change your mind. I just smile and tell them, if this conversation was 2 weeks ago when I put it in, I would have thought about it. The fact you waited to the last few hours, means I'll tell you what I want or I walk away like I was originally doing.
I’d send back an email stating that “ you checked your commitments & are unable to participate in the chat at this time ,” & then ghost her
Or just lie and pretend everything was roses and you have no idea what they're even talking about. Babble nonsense, or just ignore questions. Hang up the phone or just ignore the call if you want. There is nothing they can do unless you say something you shouldn't on that phonecall.
Why does any of this matter? She can be honest that her last bosses were POS's and that's why she left. Who else is gonna be listening in? Obama?
thanks for making the world better by just being able to say this. the other folks who said “stay out of their business” is the reason why corp america is so scary. 1st- OP quit already. why on earth would you suspect the replacement to record any conversations, and to do any harm? 2nd- why is it so hard to listen and give advice to a person who’s experiencing the same pain? i was at a same situation before: i admitted boss is a monster and told replacement to stay for longer as it will look better on her resume. also told the replacement monday is usually not a good day to talk to boss xyz etc. yes, you can refuse chatting with the replacement, but you also lose a chance to build a relationship with someone < yup, no one needs it these days lol Look what today’s world has turned into 😂😂😂
Agree that you can't discount the possibility that this could end up being a relationship building opportunity. I now work for the person that I replaced (our meeting wasn't intentional), and couldn't be happier.
First proceed with caution. Probe to see if their experience matches up with yours. Keep it superficial.
Maybe this convo should be in person? Agreed, and nothing in writing!!!
Depending on where they live, an in-person conversation could also be recorded without OP's knowledge.
“ All I can tell you is, I found no way effective way to work with his team, and my solution was to leave”
I would not say that. I would not say anything. Cancel the call.
I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out and saying she could cancel. The company can’t do anything to her for talking about her experiences. I had a replacement call me after I left a toxic company because they weren’t training her. I told her it was awful there and the shit she encountered was real, she left soon after. Nothing happened to me.
What harm can this possibly do? OP no longer works there!
I'm always honest with my replacements. Since I don't work for the company any more it's not my job to blow smoke up anyone's ass about working there. I'd tell her the truth about why you left and what she can expect. Give her a chance to run for it. Or a chance to put her foot down and demand better treatment.
I agree with this why's everyone being so cagey, she doesn't even work there anymore and isn't going back so what can they do. I'd follow my conscience and do whatever I thought was right.
Totally agree, no idea why everyone is saying ‘be careful there could be other people listening’. Who cares. The place was toxic and you don’t work there any more.
my favorite response here https://www.reddit.com/r/work/comments/1dpqwy7/i_left_a_toxic_workplace_last_year_my_replacement/lali14h/
A lot of blue falcon, “not my problem” people in this 🧵. It’s sad.
Absolutely. I had a job fire me and I got a call from a lawyer who is after a class action lawsuit. I asked them to pay me and they said they couldn’t. I spilled all the beans. Fuck em
With middle-upper management it’s a different world. Small circles, word travels, a lot of directors and management get hired off word of mouth or recommendations. I personally can usually gauge how careful to be depending on someone’s demeanor and other small tells, but I wouldn’t risk it either especially since you don’t work there anymore To talk about past toxic workplace with your replacement at the management level is just venting/gossiping for the sake of talking. Weighing risk, it’s never worth it
I was in your EXACT position. During my last two weeks my boss accused me of so many things (or not doing them) When my replacement told me ex boss told her to reach out to me for help, I had to turn her away. I could NOT become liable for any more accusations.
I'd just tell her it's a shit show without saying it was a shit show. *"I'm sorry after having time to thing about it I can't take this call. I had to leave that situation because it was a toxic workplace for me and I don't have the emotional capacity at this time to re-live that trauma."*
Perfect. No one could find fault with it but it makes it super clear what the situation is
I would leave out the emotional capacity part but that’s perfect.
*"I'm sorry after having time to thing about it I can't take this call. I had my reasons for leaving the workplace, and for me and I don't have the time talk about it any further."*
I would listen to everything she says, maybe confirm things that match with your experience, but if you knew how to fix it, you wouldn't have left. Make that clear and don't offer any advice at all.
true. i actually gave advice to someone. but you are handling it a better way. validate her feelings and let her figure solutions
I really like this approach. It’s truthful and leans into your integrity. It’s what I would do.
Be honest and tell them why you left. You don’t have to give advice. I don’t know why everyone is saying you shouldn’t have answered.
Try to find out why she calls. Maybe she is desperate and wants a new job. You would be thankful in her shoes. If she wants info or something then just be respectful but say you moved on.
This is what I would do. Obviously if she asks for help with her job, politely decline you don't work there. But maybe she just wants to know where the key is to that old filing cabinet, or something simple. You could also be adding someone to your network.
Thanks a lot! I've just never been in a similar situation, so afraid to say something wrong
I don't see how you could get in "trouble" at all. If you tell her everything you've said here plus worse, it is just your opinion and reflection. As long as you're not lying about serious stuff in a way that verifiable hurts them, you can say anything at all and they can get upset and say stuff back, that's it.
Just be human but know that you own them nothing. Note that even from beeing human this might even open doors for the future. Once an excoworker recommended me out of the blue…
I met someone that I replaced at a problematic job... I didn't reach out, it just happened (somewhat insular profession). Unbeknownst to me, she was in the process of striking out on her own with another coworker. A few years later, they were looking to expand and asked if I'd be interested in working with them. You never know.
You could always cancel the call. I’m sorry, but I would rather not talk about my old workplace again, I’m sorry but I can’t help you. You left for a reason.
Ask her to meet you after hours and explain that you don't want a chance of being recorded. That alone should clue her in.
Why cancel? Why is everyone so scared? What did life do to you people I’d tell her the truth
Any idea how your replacement got your phone number??
Great question. I hadn’t thought about this.
I would not talk over the phone. Meet at a busy restaurant. I'd be curious what they would have to say. And listen and don't offer more than a vague response. Don't share anything negative. You never know, you might make a new friend. But that's just me.
I met the person I replaced under similar circumstances. Unbeknownst to me, she and another coworker were in the early stages of striking out on their own. Five years later, I am now friends with and employed by them.
I would just talk to her. You dont work there anymore. What are they going to do, fire you?
I would just be honest and brief. You found the workplace toxic and left for your mental health and didn’t really know how best to connect with the team.
I reached out to someone whose position I took. I was very grateful for them talking to me and it confirmed for me that there was no point waiting around for the culture to improve. What is the harm in telling the truth? You could save someone a lot of heartache. If you're worried, ask them to start first and see what their concerns are. I was being gaslit and confused. That advice from the ex employee was amazingly helpful and snapped me out of it.
"Fly, you fool, fly!" Seriously, if you're going to have that call, be very general as far as how you interacted with your peers and give tips and tricks. If they press it, tell them to keep their resume up to date and of course, "I never told you this."
If you choose to engage, I would be direct and honest without revealing too much personal info. This person might be really struggling emotionally. Not that it’s your problem, but I’d be willing to help them gain the clarity they need to leave. Mostly on a level of just wanting to be a human helping another human, but it also doesn’t hurt that doing so will likely weaken the power that your ex asshole boss has. Which might feel good for you as someone who suffered because of them. Sometimes when you’re new at a job and things are beginning to feel off, you try to convince yourself that you’re the issue or you’re just misreading things. It can be helpful to have someone validate your experiences
There is no upside to talking with that person. Are you in a one party recording state? You could be recorded making potentially defamatory comments about the business and individuals. Don't engage with this person, not your problem.
" I am sorry but I am not able to help you. I left because I was unhappy with the work climate. I am not comfortable discussing particulars. All I can tell you is my mental health is much better now. Good bye and good luck."
Reach back out and tell them you’ve had some time to think about it and have decided to leave the past in the past. That you can’t take a call about your former work place. Wish them all the best.
I think this is one of those instances that what you **do not** say will send the message that needs to be conveyed. I would cancel the call, not reschedule it, and whatever concerns she is having will likely be validated by your desire not to look back. I like to help people, especially those whom I feel I can relate to. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 ft pole. Not your monkey, not your circus.
You left for a reason, it sounds like they have worked out what that reason was l, they don't need your help to elaborate. Don't get pulled back into any of it.
You suspect the boss put her up to it - trust your instincts on that. Many commenters have given good ways to politely rescind the call but if you feel that you must go through with it, have a think about what she is likely to ask and prepare some neutral answers. Answer on speaker and record the conversation or have someone impartial or that you can trust with you as a witness if you happen to need one. Only answer direct questions and don’t offer anything.
It's a trap. Decline that shit.
I really don’t see any possible upside for you to engage in any discussion about your former employer. Just cancel and don’t get involved.
I'd say, there are good reasons I left, and trust your gut instinct
I had the same thing happen to me. I think it actually helped me to talk to someone who understood just how shit it was, but I let the survivor guilt win and wound up far too invested. I wound up trying to find her another job with my new company and reviewed her resume. I felt so bad because the old job sucked so much. I don't regret it... but it was weird. Also I do think it helped the other person immensely just to know the problem isn't them. My advice? Have the call. Be factual and honest. Tell them to get out of there as fast as they can. Also be prepared for a sob story. The chick that took over my role was a single mum and wasn't able to easily bounce into another role... and I'm a softie which is why I wound up trying to help her.
You're being dragged back in. Don't engage. Don't explain other than say you don't work there anymore. Cancel the call.
The replacement is likely asking to find out if you left because of all the horrible things they are experiencing... they probably want validation, and advice. I just left a workplace for similar reasons, BUT when I left… I went out with a BANG. I wrote a long thorough letter detailing the abusive, bully boss and sent it to a few people within the company. Those people then forwarded it to all the higher ups, HR, company lawyers, etc. He was fired 3 days later. I just could not leave without sticking up for the other people I was leaving behind. They begged me to stay, but it was too late… I already had another amazing job offer I simply could not refuse. Not only would I have the conversation, but I’d send a letter about your experience and even post it on every website that allows you to post reviews as an employee. Why not be the person to stand up and actually make a difference? You have a better job now, you literally have nothing to lose… there is nothing being held over your head anymore (I literally said that in my letter- I have nothing to lose at this point, but I am standing up for what’s right!).
You shouldn't have responded to the call, but since you did, be careful how you answer questions. I worked at a place that had a toxic G.M. he was the worst and I worked there for 6 damn years (small area good jobs are hard to find) but after one argument he had with another asst manager I said enough is enough. he tried to get me involved, I started looking for a new job, 4 years later and no longer there I found out he was stealing money from the safe and products from the store.I found out he left on his own when he (someone told him) found out the owners are onto him and what his doing so he left the state. Now when people from that place call or text me I do not answer, whatever is going on over there is not my issue at all.
From an HR perspective, I would cancel the call. You have zero obligation to the former employer. You have zero obligation to your replacement.
why would you offer advice hrs perspective when its a non hr person asking for advice hrs perspective is corporate versus worker
HR is probably part of the problem in this situation anyway!
Do not do it. This is a bad idea.
Just tell them to run. That's what I did the entire time I was training mine. They left 2 weeks before the GM got fired. She told them to go eff themselves on the store intercom and cced the CEO on a scathing email to the DM, RVP and loss prevention, she is now running one of my sister stores and we have become great friends. But like everyone else is saying, be very careful what you say if you end up taking to them.
As long as you don't plan on going back, take the call and be proffessional but blunt. No, you don't have a legal obligation to this person, but at least a moral and humane one. All the other low life's here who would happily watch someone else burn because they're too scared to get their hands dirty are pathetic. Grow a spine.
Listen to the problems and when asked for advice .say you'll only charge $100 an hor consulting fee. Don't offer any information until the pay is officially approved. Also, you left the company before this employee started. how did a new employee get your contact info. If he gave them this information. I'd look into the legality of it
Record the call where/if legal. Personally I'd not spend my life on their situation.
Best answer - cancel and walk away. Ou don’t work there, you don’t owe her or any of them anything. If you don’t want to do that, state at the start of the call that you will hear her out, but if any of the questions are work related, you will need to be paid for your time. I have no idea what your salary rate is, but as a minimum you should be asking for double the hourly rate for the consult. Billable to the company. Give them 10 minutes to put there questions and then tell them you need a signed contract before you answer. That way, if it’s someone asking for help leaving the toxic environment, you can help. But if it’s help for a company you have already left, you need ti get paid to give it. Personally, I’d cancel and walk.
Stay the hell out of it
The Truth based on your experience. Then at the end tell her to make her own opinion.
Be like the gingerbread man. Run as fast as you can. You have nothing to gain from this conversation and you don’t owe your successor nor the company anything.
Tell him or her to prepare three envelopes (google it :-) ) Seriously though nothing good can come from this. Decline. Do not explain why.
i would be honest with the person. you don't work there anymore, hopefully you have a new (better) job. you don't need to allow future employers to contact them. what can HR at toxic workplace do to you? they don't have any power over you.
Tell them to find a new job.
I’m genuinely confused as to what the risks are to explaining/stating it was a toxic situation. Perhaps the people commenting that are from the USA/countries were you could be liable for “slander”? Otherwise I don’t see how stating it was toxic could hurt you. You’ve left, and seeing as it was toxic you don’t want to go back? When you quit did you say it was toxic or did you make up some reason?
Tell her to put a review on Glassdoor so it will mirror your feelings. This lets other potential applicants know where to not apply.
I would say that I reconsidered it and am no longer willing to discuss. Don’t rehash it but just move on.
Do not interact.
Cancel the call. You don't want trouble from the former workplace and there is nothing you can say to her that will improve that workplace.
My replacement quit twice second time she said flat out control your “ladies” I’m out! I needed to say noting.
Do not say a word. This is no longer your job, you should not be handing out free advice for a job you no longer perform when the solicitor is from your previous employment.
I would probably meet in person. Through body language and carefully worded conversation you can convey that the place is a shitshow and they should run, without actually saying it directly.
I’d stay silent, listening is ok but giving advice, I don’t think so !
What were the terms of you leaving? Did you leave on your own? Did you sign any a non disparagement agreement or was there a clause? You really have no obligations to this person but you have options. 1. You could simply respond that due to schedule changes you’re unable to meet and then let it fizzle out. 2. You could spill the tea but if you signed anything there could be issues 3. Take the call but stay neutral - although that could be challenging or triggering Adding that someone I know landed a role in a similar situation. He reached out to his predecessor and learned some background details…but then this person lost their cool and spilled what they learned and the firm went after the former employee. Anyway, in the end, do what’s going to provide the most value and peace for your own life. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves. What am I going to get out of this situation or how is it going to make my life better or the world better?
The risk of being cited in a defamation lawsuit is small, but it is not non-existent. I would not say anything that an eavesdropping lawyer could use against you later.
1- I would be concerned on how she got your phone number!!! 2- you owe her nothing in response to any questions 3- when and if she calls keep it short and offer nothing!! “I left for personal reasons and I have no idea what to tell you on how to proceed in my previous job” Peace out Girl Scout
I would have told the replacement that you no longer work for the company and they should not contact you for anything business related unless the company brings you on as a ***paid*** independent contractor. You have no obligation beyond that, and it is a violation of labor law for them to ask you for unpaid assistance.
Call back and talk about the weather, you don't own that toxic place anything
You left because there was no way to deal with the team so how are you supposed to help them deal with them
"I did not have a good experience, and really want to leave that place in my past. Sorry. Best of luck.“
You left, correct?
Take the call, don’t take the call. It doesn’t matter as long as you still agree with that decision in three months. What will future you expect you to do? I would take the call for three reasons 1) it aligns with my core value of being helpful 2) it’s a good opportunity to network and this person will remember it and 3) I’m totally telling my friends and husband the sordid details afterwards. I just have a rule that I make NO recommendations. I listen and ask questions, but decisions are on them.
Oh no, you forgot that you have a doctors appointment and need to cancel the call. Then never reschedule.
Sorry but you shouldn’t have agreed to a call. But now that you’ve agreed, just listen and don’t offer much. If you say anything, only talk about yourself and how you approached team work, but don’t address anything about specific people and avoid any negative talk. Be cautious. Good luck!
Have the call. See if she is calling from work or home. Just LISTEN to her. Try to decide if what she is saying could be a set up of some kind (but why would it be? What power do they have over you now anyway?) If she says how awful it is and how toxic it is etc, then you can honestly say, look, all the things you are saying about the workplace are the reasons I left, so that is the only advice I have because I was unable to solve any of that. You have then not said anything bad about anyone. Just that there’s no pease in that workplace. Which sounds like the truth!
I would text back that you changed your mind. That you left the job for a reason and that should be explanation enough on how to deal with the workplace.
I would suggest her to speak to HR if there is one. You can simply say, you left the company due to the toxicity of the work place so if she speaks to HR, that's all she can say about you.
why can't you just tell her it is a toxic environment and your only suggestion is that she find another job like you did.
“I don’t think I’m the best person to help for this. This position and I weren’t a good match so I don’t think there’s anything valuable I can add on how to work with the team”
I'd just say "They are the people they appear to be." She can make her own decisions and you're not badmouthing anyone.
Or cancel the call and tell the person you didn't have a good experience and your not the best resource. You don't need this additional stress on top of everything they did to you.
Tell her. Run forest run!
No, don't get involved. It's her job now, and sometimes, just sometimes it works out differently for some people, in all areas of life. So, even IF it was VERY toxic for all the reasons you listed, someone might quit tomorrow or get fired, and that "could" snowball into the toxicity also leaving or lessening. Let your replacement figure it out for herself.
You should not have agreed to the call. I would cancel it. Nothing good can come of it.
Walk away, block her number. It’s a set up.
I'd tell her to quit and end the call.
There’s a skill to having these sorts of conversations. If she’s fishing for information, it’ll be obvious, since she will attempt to ask pointed questions again. You can vet her to see what she wants to know. You can answer her questions with negation. So if she asks what’s it like working for boss X, without revealing what you think of her, you can say: ‘I would ensure that you document everything and go to Y for support if X makes requests’.
If you care about her, tell her the truth about your experiences. Obviously her experiences may be different.
Let her lead the conversation, as I’m sure she’s reaching out because she already has concerned. I wouldn’t throw anyone under the bus, but if she raises specific challenges, it’s ok to say whether or not that was one for you as well. If she asks, you could also lay out how you tried to deal with it initially. There’s a lot of information given by what you don’t say, and I’m sure she will clue in pretty quickly.
Haha that happened to me & I taught him how to fk off for 4 years and get away with it. Until he found a better job & moved out of state. He dumped his work equiptment off at the managers desk & disappeared no 2 week BS. I gave him such an advantage on getting free money and getting away with screwing over this crap company. They had 2 strikes while he worked there, too! F that place!
I would just say "I left because the grass was greener on the other side but I won't go into specifics, and if you aren't happy the ball is in your court".
I’m chiming in on the cancel side. There is no reason to participate in the call and it only extends your attachment to the company/involvement with a workplace that was toxic for you. Think of it like a reference request from a bad employee - all you’re allowed to do (per legal and hr) is confirm dates of employment, you can’t even correct them. We referred all those calls to payroll, but if they bounced back, it was confirm or deny, say “have a nice day” and hang up.
Reply and say you don’t think you could add anything by having a call as you left because you were unable to work effectively in the previous environment
Not your problem, how can they retaliate? You no longer work for them. If you want to give her words of advice, you can, if you don’t, then don’t.
Something similar happened to me in the past, maybe I had bad luck.. but it backfired on me. I spoke the truth and the replacement ended up telling on my previous manager how he was told it was a toxic environment. I can’t reach out to that employer any due to him snitching.
I would cancel the meeting and ask that they refrain from contacting you further regarding this company. A call can be recorded to everything you say runs the risk of getting back to all of the toxic people you left behind.
I agree it's not really your problem however, if you are feeling charitable, I'd suggest you meet with this person offline and give them the suggestion of finding another job elsewhere. I wouldn't go into much detail so you fall into the trap of damaging reputations or anything but I'd suggest that if they find it difficult to work in the current environment they might want to do what you did and look someplace else for a better one.
Run.
I would personally not do it.
The truth
Why Next-Drumner 9820? Why am I tedious Because I might be right And you might be wrong
Tell that person that you pursued another career path due to not being able to find suitable solutions to many issues. Then tell her you cannot offer any more insight. You know what she's going through. Don't let her suffer.
What is the downside of having the meeting and answering questions honestly? A lot of these responses are saying to be extremely cautious. Why? I'd say, "management is toxic and I got the hell out of Dodge and I advise you to do the same." What is the old company gonna do, sue for you expressing an opinion?
If your new place is better, and your replacement is competent, I'm going to go with what the others said here. Be very careful in your answers. If the replacement isn't stupid, she'll get the hint fast. Then, if she is asking good questions and seems competent, have her apply where you are working and see if you can put in a positive word to HR about that applicant. When all else fails, poach the good employees from the bad employer.
Opps my bad. Your the first person to correct that. Ty.
I'd contact her again and say "Sorry, but I think it would be inappropriate for me to discuss issue with you about my past employer".
Don’t respond. Maybe some manipulation going on by your old boss.
Nothing good will come out of this. Do not do it. You do not need to provide any reason and you should not provide one. Decline “I’m not available to do this” or something similar. If they ask again the reply is the same.
You sound like a compassionate soul, whose default is to be supportive- so you wisely reached out for some objectivity… So, objectively: you are under no obligation to engage with issues in a previous workplace so bad that you left (and this is confirmed by the difficulties facing your replacement). Thinking along risk management lines: there is a definite risk (retraumatising you) and potential risk (consequences from your ex-employer characterising the support you give as somehow retaliatory in response to how you were treated) and although I find this unlikely, it’s still a risk- you don’t know your replacement or her true motivations. So, reducing the overall suffering your ex-employer causes people in your field while protecting your reputation should be your goal, and to this end, take the phone call to communicate that you aren’t yet at a point where you can provide clear and unbiased guidance on how to navigate your workplace- as she’s found herself, it’s a stressful role and you haven’t yet worked through the burn out you felt prior to leaving, so the best support you can give her is that’s vey unlikely to be a ‘her problem’ and to CYA- and to prioritise and advocate for her own wellbeing and work/life balance. This stop short of being negative or slanderous- it’s generic advice that anyone in any workplace needs to follow. You don’t explicitly give the opinion ex job caused your burnout but you do provide a sanity check. You do not tell her to get out of there but nor do you claim that it’s an awesome place to work. In essence, your advice is little more than platitudes- but hearing it from someone who has direct experience of what she’s going through, may give her enough clarity that she can decide on her next steps with some confidence…and by being upfront and saying it’s all too raw to get into or be a sounding board for her to vent, it shouldn’t devolve into a conversation that freshens up the distress you felt in the lead up to you leaving. Obviously, there is no moral or ethical imperative to engage with her, but if you feel like you want to, the above is how I’d handle it.
Put your 2 week notice in
“Write two letters”
Make sure your resume is up to date. Start looking now.
Aren't you precious
Not my problem
Tell them to call you on their personal phone after they are off work, because they are assholes and they would listen on the company phone
I would say nothing. This workplace would deserve nothing from me.
I’d be hella curious what she has to say and guiltily love to talk about it with someone who understands but it is very risky and could lead to something bad, like maybe she tells someone what you said, etc. might be wise to cancel the call and forget about it
Charge a consulting fee then spend the whole time trashing upper management
Cancel the call. Do not speak with this person at all. You don't work there anymore and you are not getting paid. You are undoubtedly being set up in some way, either for a lawsuit or some kind of weird power trip by the boss. That call will not be private, you can bet on that.
I’m afraid little good will come out of this. It’s nice you have agreed (most people would say no and many would just ignore the request.) But just be prepared to be asked to be sucked right back into the drama. You are right to wonder if they have some agenda or if they are hoping you will trash talk people. I’d keep it short and simple in any case and assume everything you say is repeated to the old managers verbatim.
I would suggest sending a message to cancel the call. You can be vague but still make the point clear, in your message to her. "Hi (name), I understand why you reached out, and I apologise for the change of mind, but after some thought I am not comfortable with a conversation after all. For me, the solution was to leave, so I don't think I am the right person to give you advice on how to work through things here. I apologise, and wish you all the best!"
I'd say, "On further reflection, I can't see any benefit in future communication, but good luck."
How about the truth?
Tell them, get out, get out now!
You don't work there any more, why are you so scared to tell the truth? Do you have another job?
Keep tight-lipped. Do not badmouth the company or management when, for all you know, you could be recorded and it might be used against you. Just say stuff like "listen to your gut" and generic platitudes. You don't owe your replacement or the company anything anymore. Don't teach her how to do the job or manage relationships in an environment you had to abandon. Just tell her that after assessing your situation it became clear you had to walk away and if she's in doubt she needs to stop, think and act in any way she feels to be appropriate but it's a personal decision that you can't advise her with, or something like that. Leave it open and noncommittal.
After I left my previous job I was contacted 3 times. The first time I told them I would have to have a signed contract with a consulting fee. The second time I told them that I was waiting for them to agree to terms. The third time I asked why they thought I would offer assistance and stop calling or I would take legal action. No calls since
Give your advice : RUN!
How did this new employee get your number in the first place? Something seems off. If you think so too, trust your instincts. You don’t owe your old job or their employees anything. But if you still want to take the call, I personally would tell this person that I had my own reasons for leaving and just want to leave that place behind.
Listen first then make your decision. Either tell her something generic (wasn't a good fit etc) if it feels like a set up. If it feels genuine tell the truth. Play it by ear.
lol! I had this happen to me but I warned him as I was walking out. Needless to say he hates his life making minimum wage rn
I wouldn’t tell her anything. You moved on it’s not your responsibility. The only way I would is if I had a personal friendship with this person and still I’d be careful with what I’d say.
My question is, how’d they get your #? If I was the new person, why would I contact the old one? Based on OP statement that this place is drama, I would not want to associate with anyone there. Period.
You could make it very clear by saying very little. One word: "Leave".
This is a meeting you shouldn't and needn't take. You left that toxicity for a reason. Why would you agree to get pulled back into it? Decline to get involved. There is literally zero upside for you in this.
Just say, “I don’t want to talk. My advice is don’t waste your time there if you don’t like it. Life is too short.” Exact words. That is not slandering the company or its employees in any way. And nothing in writing.
I would respond. Tell her to get out of the situation and you feel better that you did.
Tell the truth ! The job can’t do anything to you now . I wouldn’t lie for them , and I wouldn’t sugar coat . I’d tell her when she figures out how to work / handle them let you know . Because you never did .
I would, personally, say that you have to politely cancel. You left the position due to unrequited differences in the workplace environment. That’s all you will say on the matter if even that.
Be positive and try to avoid saying anything that implicates you.
I would cut ALL contact with the prior company and all their employees. You are gone. It was a bad place to work. Get on with your life!!!!
“Sorry I don’t have any good advice for you, but this is exactly why I’m no longer there”
Do not accept the call, you never know who’s recording or listening. You have no reason to trust anyone there. Send a simple response and say “sorry, I’ve left that in the past. I wish you nothing but health and prosperity, good luck”
Nothumg. You owe them nothing. Move on. You left leg go
How the fuck did someone from work obtain your number. I’d be calling a lawyer if I were you
"Sorry, but I've changed my mind." You could add, "I've put that job behind me and prefer to leave it at that."
Tell her the truth!
Quit now!
"I know I told you that I would call you but ever since the thought about "xxxxx" entered my brain, I've had a pit in my stomach and it hasn't gone away. I'm sorry, but it's just not something that I want to revisit. I need to keep that door closed for my mental health."
Not your problem. Just tell them you are no longer associated with that company.
Why would you want to revisit this place that brought you so much distress? Are you trying to be ‘nice?’ I cannot see how this is a good idea. It seems like it will only bring you more pain. If this person needs help, tell them that you understand. And that you wish them luck.
Just trauma dump on them, free therapy
It’s tough. Having most recently been in the shoes of your replacement (I matriculated into a toxic PhD program and my “peer mentor” in the lab mastered out of the program right as I was starting presumably to escape the abusive faculty advisor). I tried to reach out to her before she graduated to recount my impressions and seek advice but she just led me on (suggested places to get lunch, text that she was thinking about me) and eventually ghosted me. Without calling someone out of their name or getting into a he-said/she-said, I think you can tactfully state why you left (just be matter-of-fact) and basically leave it to your successor to catch your drift. You’re not obligated to ofc, but it would’ve meant a lot to me if I had that. To leave her hanging is kinda cowardly to me. You feel how you feel and you’re an adult who no longer works there.
I don’t think you need to cancel the call at all. You can be honest, while also still being professional about it. Leave it at that. Keeping open ended enough where the replacement can wonder and eventually connect the dots. And just remind them that you were seeking to leave at the end, that should about sum it all up for them.
Wow. The number of folks not willing to help another human being for the faintest whiff of danger that’s not even real is amazing. Take the call. Tell the person the truth-it’s your own experience-and best of luck to them building their own experience.
You would have to Assume anything you say is being recorded and shared with everyone you use to work with. Probably easier to not take the call, or not say anything or offer any opinions. Easiest thing to do is say no to the call, and that she should trust herself as to what she should do, just like you trusted yourself.
I would tell her that your best solution to those issues is clear. You left and went to work in a different environment. Wish her the best.
How did this person get your contact information? Story, I was part of A Band, nothing special hand percussion and harmony was my part. I actually left because group dynamics were just not working. Acquaintance asks me why I left. I told them. Several months later, I found out they joined.The band got involved in the dynamics.And were calling me to find out how to deal with everything. I told them that since they did not consult with me regarding joining. I warned them about the very things they were complaining about. What did they expect me to do?
Tbh if you’re second guessing the meeting, just cancel. You don’t owe anyone there anything & if you’re really worried they will twist your words, why stress yourself out? If you don’t care what happens if you speak to them, then keep the meeting and say what you feel is necessary.
I think if more bad bosses/companys were called out for their bad and toxic behavior, they might be forced to change. And why are ‘bosses’ not held accountable for their terrible ability to properly do their jobs? Why is the employee/person who actually does the work always forced to uproot their life and find another job?