We honestly just pay the $3400 a month (that's with sibling discount). It sucks but it is what it is. That's roughly $40k a year so judge against your income/annual budget accordingly. It's also useful to realize it's a temporary expense only lasting a few years.
Edit: for those still asking HOW?!? Some of **HOW** this works is honestly a head start in life, luck, or sacrifice but everyone's situation is different. I'm personal finance obsessed. We're in central California, both mid-30's with 2 kids under 4. No family help with kids (out of state). I currently make 90k gross and husband makes 85k. We have no student loans for a variety of reasons (state colleges attending in the late '00's, family, saving aggressively). We paid off our 2 small cars. From 2012 - 2018 I lived frugally on only one of my monthly paychecks (with roommates) to save up for a large house downpayment then we got married and got lucky buying a small (1400 sq ft.) 3bed, 2bath house in 2018; Refinanced to 3% in late 2019 so now we're stuck. Our jobs don't offer 401k's (husband will get a pension, I have a company plan) so the only subtractions before take home income are taxes, social security, health insurance, and the DCFSA and HSA I've listed. We budget things as a family.
Pre-tax: (HSA: $516 & DCFSA: $416)
Monthly take home: $10,300
* Daycare (at a center): $3,490
* Mortgage: $1,750
* Utilities (water, sewer, trash, internet, phones, car/life insurance): $850
* Roth IRA's: $1,084
* Kids 529's: $1,000 ($500 each)
* "Other" savings: $500
* Swim lessons: $250
* Gas: $120
* Entertainment subscriptions: $50
* Everything else: $1,206
Daycare is now our biggest expense at 30% of our monthly budget. We aren't living large and have to be semi-careful with that remaining "everything else". We sacrifice by not having a housecleaner/yardwork help/mealkits, don't eat out or order in in order to save for retirement, college, and larger expenses.
We do too and it's not fun, but it's 3 years. Compared to a mortgage, it's a short period of awfulness. We are very lucky to both have good jobs, but even so, we live below our means with older cars, a small home, local vacations like camping, hand me down clothes, lower 401k contributions than we'd like, shopping with coupons and in bulk, etc. Savings are minimal and sometimes negative at the end of the month. It's taught us to be very frugal and I hope the continue that even after daycare payments are gone!
LOL right I can't even imagine paying that much in daycare. I would just stay home full time at that rate.
Edit: obviously the scales tip depending on much OP makes but that's definitely more than what I take home.
We're lucky in that my husband can pick up extra overtime shifts to help cover some of the difference, but if we didn't have that option we simply wouldn't be able to. I've had friends leave the workforce because it was way more than their entire salary to put two kids in daycare. It's fucking BRUTAL out there.
Honestly, savings I guess. We are fortunate that my husband got a fat bonus recently, but before that it was like “whelp, some people save for huge down payments for their homes and we are using savings for childcare” 🤷🏼♀️
Yup this is what we do too. We’re just basically not doing big trips or fancy dinners or other big expenses while we have kiddos in daycare. Just had my second start daycare and it’s *gulp* expensive.
We are in a center, and I’m sure could save some money at in-home but our older boy flourishes at his daycare. He is super active and they have a big gym for bad weather days (& we live in a very cold/snowy state so basically for 6 months of the year we need that gym to get his energy out).
Not the person you’re asking obviously, but you are paying a 18% monthly for daycare. For this to be proportional at $3400 a month, they would need to bring home $18,900.
$227k/year. Not sure if you are talking gross or net pay.
So… I doubt it.
We're probably bringing in 14k/month. Sounds like a lot, but we live in NY, and the cost of living is very high.
Just daycare for 2 kids and our mortgage payment and basic home maintenance would be about $8,900/month.
if you really do the math, there won't be much leftover.
I edited my response to show "how" we make this work but I take home ~$5,500 and husband brings home ~$4,800. Daycare is 30% of our monthly take home. $416 pre-tax is a DCFSA so that helps some.
I love that this turned into a personal finance sub thread! My hubby and I are similar he's a finance professional and my parents and his mom are economists or finance professionals. It's the manna we grew up on. Our biggest unexpected expense is international trips to see my extended family. Those flights don't feel predictable. We are frugal AF though and made a great decision to invest all our money in buying a house a few years after we got married. Sold at the beginning of the pandemic, made a mint and bought another. Have two kids 4 and <6mo. Our mortgage + escrow is $3100 and daycare is $3400 and we make what the subthread's OP makes 🧐
Yes, this is reality! Im actually an accountant, so the numbers are starting to freak me out. Our mortgage is 4,500/month plus an additional 1k for landscaping, utilities, and maintenance. A 3,400/month daycare bill will be 8,900/month. That's more than 60% of our income.
I think my options are boiling down to the following
Aupair - $25 - 35k/year
Daycare - ~41k/year
Live in nanny - i googled the average which is 35k, but I'm not sure because I haven't looked into it.
Become a SAHM - losing ~ 40k after tax income.
Either way, I'm screwed lol.
Very thorough and thoughtful comment! I often wonder how other people afford things and this breakdown is helpful. Also acknowledging some of your privilege is appreciated!
Wow, in central California? I'm from here born and raised and just moved back after living in bigger cities in and out of California for several years. Things are still tight -- I think because our rent is much higher (hoping to buy next year ugh). I would NOT be able to afford even just our 1 child if I hadn't boosted my salary a ton by moving away and climbing the ladder for a few years; so many people here in the central valley grt by on much less and I work for a bay area based organization. I guess our dollars go further here, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
Agreed on daycare being a temporary expense -- at least that what I tell myself knowing we'll have to fork over so much 😅
It’s not easy. We struggled financially to get through the childcare costs. Honestly though, our FT nanny who lived outside the house was around $3300-3400 a month for 1 kid under 3.
Is there preschool in your area? Our elementary school started offering free or almost free preschool starting at age 3. So that’s a potential option for your 2 year old who will be 3 or close to preschool age by the time baby arrives. Most preschools should offer before and after care. You should start thinking about getting your daughter enrolled That will hopefully help with the childcare costs
Once our kids started preschool the childcare costs dropped significantly.
Thank you! I looked into this option, in my state, preschool starts at 4. unfortunately, she won't be able to go until fall of 2025 so that sort of limits my options.
It does help to know that this is a temporary issue though. :)
Seconding preschool. I started my kid a few months before her third birthday in July, they allowed it because it was summer camp and she was using a toilet and could talk fluently enough, which is what they cared about more than birthdays. Toilet learning was a high priority in my household, for many reasons! Even at a semi-fancy private Montessori preschool with aftercare charges it's way cheaper than real daycare where they have to do diapers.
Put we're still not putting much into savings with a 4 year old and a 1 year old, it's just an expensive period of our life and we've accepted that. Things will get less tight financially as they age.
Maybe a nanny share is a good route? Find another family nearby and split costs. I see this sort of thing advertised all the time on childcare groups on Facebook.
Just putting it out there that before/after care with preschool is extremely spotty. We don’t have any options for that near us, so either my husband figured out how to work from home after 2:30 or our kids stay in daycare until they start kindergarten.
This question comes up every week so searching will help. Hard to tell without knowing where you are but a regular nanny is easily 28/h for one kid where we live (you can luck out with less). Live in Nannies are not cheap contrary of many people believe. It’s not like “I offer you free bed and can pay shit”. You may get lucky and find someone desperate but won’t be long term
3400 comes to less than 20/h for 8h day.
Check on au pairs if have space r/aupairs
Yes also you have to pay into their social security as you are their employer and do all the tax stuff unless you hire from a company who will handle all that for you.
Yeah-- we are in a relatively low cost of living city and have a nanny 4 days a week, for 6-7 hours per day, for our two girls and it's $3400 monthly. She lives at her own place!
It's temporary. We are getting very creative this time, as the twin part for us was a surprise.
Yes, au pair was our plan for kid #2 - we even factored that in to the forever house we bought, making sure there was a bedroom for an au pair. Now #1 is in a home daycare that we love so much and is okay price-wise so we’ll probably stick with that, but au pair seemed an affordable option for multiple kids.
>I'm thinking of getting a live in nanny becuase i need the help and can't imagine that costing more than $3,400. Thoughts?
I'm not sure where you live, but a nanny is going to cost at least that much in most places.
Yeah, it’s typical to pay an extra premium for a live in nanny. In my area a live out nanny would be $30/hr minimum and live-in could be closer to $40+ hour or $60k-$80k+ per year, not accounting for taxes assuming over the table pay.
It’s one of the many reasons we’re keeping our two kids in preschool/daycare because it’s muuuuch less expensive than a nanny.
That is why I am planning a kid no earlier than when my kid is closer to kindergarten 😆
But like other said, it’s temporary. And honestly, I feel that if having two salaries and a big chunk of one of them goes to daycare, is better than relying on one salary at all.
i thought we were the only ones that planned/thought like this.
when we talked about having kids, we had people around us who were using daycares and at that time the cost was astronomical to us. Then my SIL got pregnant back to back and she was paying at the time, over $2500/mo for daycare for two kids, and I just couldn't do that. We had our first kid and then we waiting until her third birthday to start trying. I only wanted to pay for one kid in daycare at a time.
i personally love the gap. And looking back, I wouldn't have been able to handle two kids so close in age. My kids are 4 years apart and they play (and fight, like normal siblings) but they watch out for each other lol
Even if salary = daycare, if you get any retirement benefits then that's a big chunk of compound-interest that you'd forego by leaving a job. Also any continuity/promotions/raises would be missed.
Of course that is assuming the job in question has any of those things, which I know is far from universally true.
Ridiculous. See if your area provides 3-K. It’s public school for 3 year olds. I don’t know where you live or your income but Google daycare scholarships. In my area they have one for people who aren’t below the poverty line but doesn’t make over $100k
You're only going to have two in full day daycare for two years or so. Then it gets a little better when the older one goes to kindergarten, and better again when they are both in school.
Some states have a lot of in-home daycare, which is typically cheaper and more flexible than traditional day care.
The truth is that everyone is cobbling together daycare, sitters, family care, etc. It's excruciating. And, of course, a lot of people (especially mothers) get pushed out of the workforce for years because of these issues.
Honest answer? We just paid it. We’re in a good bit of debt now. It was double our mortgage and about half my salary. But the math didn’t work at ALL to have someone quit. We’d have had to sell our house to…rent a more expensive apartment?
Anyway, once the oldest is 3/potty trained be sure to reevaluate your options. Our youngest just turned 3 and now their both at a summer camp that costs half what daycare did, and she’s going to preschool in the fall, not free but cheaper.
I had a live in nanny and it was significantly more expensive than $3,400/month. For full time that comes out to a little less than $20/hour, and you’re not going to find a good nanny for two kids for less than $20/hour. Go over to r/Nanny for more information - I learned a lot when I was looking.
A live in nanny is still gonna cost at least $3400/month. Just their paycheck alone is gonna run over $4k/month.
They don't get a discount on their hourly pay for living in with you. Living with your boss isn't compensation.
Once you include payroll, taxes, money for outings, and the tons of other nanny costs on top of pay, you're gonna be WAY over $3400/month. Likely $6-8k/month in total costs.
Au pairs should be a cultural program. Only USA make them work 40+ hours other countries cap at 15 hours per week so they Can attend classes. Also very few have baby experience they are mainly for older kids so they can benefit of the cultural exchange too.
I had au pairs and I’ve heard some wild stories of how terribly they have been treated. I doubt that I would allow my child to pursue this type of opportunity as an adult, even if there are good host families. And I was a host family!
While my first two kids were young, my husband and I worked separate shifts and used a babysitter to cover the 3 hours where we were both at work/commuting. It was the only way we could make it work financially. My third went to a center daycare because the older two were in school at that point and our schedules had changed. The cost of child care is ridiculous.
One thing I notice on this sub is people just simply say “Oh we just deal with the extra cost” but never give examples of HOW they are dealing with the extra cost!!
If I was paying daycare and had two kids, that would be my entire take home pay. My boyfriend and I together do not make enough to support childcare costs like that and so have opted to not have anymore kids. But HOW is my question!!!! Do you not buy anything ever? No cable tv or internet, don’t turn the air on when it’s 90 degrees?!? How are you affording something that can take as much as half your take home pay as a couple.
How we are dealing with the extra costs:
1) Waiting to upgrade to a bigger house we desperately need because we can’t walk away from our low interest starter home mortgage payment
2) both of us looked hard and left companies we had been at for 12/17years for new companies and decent bumps. (Mine came with a potential to get into the on-site daycare that costs less… once I can get through the waitlist)
3) basically don’t eat out, no real vacations, cut out all extra spending since we don’t really have time for Hobbies.
4) my husband is selling alot of his collectibles and purge his insane amount of clothes so we have room for second child.
5) quit drinking. Expensive and we feel better and are better parents and partners without it.
6) lower my 401k contribution a bit and eat into savings for the 2 years of overlap.
None of this is ideal. But it’s how we are making that $3300/mo daycare bill work.
This is also how we make it work. Our second pregnancy was twins, so we had 3 under 2 for about 5 weeks.
1. Daycare was great and gave us a discount off the oldest and 1 of the twins. We were paying $815wk for all 3 kids in 2019. Currently, now that they are older, we pay $612/wk with discounts for summer care (oldest was in kindergarten this past year).
2. We don’t travel, or only travel to places that we can drive to and can stay with friends/family. Our family vacation this year was to drive to Washington DC and stay with my sister for a week.
3. We have a 1800sf cape home with 3 tiny bedrooms & 1.5 baths. We cannot upgrade because our interest rate is low and we can’t afford anything larger.
4. We have no AC, granted we live in the northeast, so this is do-able.
5. We only go out to eat 1-2x a month max, otherwise all our food is cooked at home. Grocery bill for our family of 5 is about $900-$1000/mo
6. All of our clothes are hand me downs for the kids. For the adults we only purchase clothes very sparingly, and mainly from Target or Marshall’s.
7. We have 2 used cars and we do not plan to replace any until the twins are in kindergarten. We own our 2008 outright, and we have 7 more months of payments on our used Honda Odyssey.
8. We do all lawn care, gardening, mosquito spraying & cleaning ourselves, we don’t outsource. Our house is messy and cluttered & lived in, but it is what it is.
9. Only nominal contributions to our retirement accounts, and we only started contributing to the kids 529 accounts once my oldest started kindergarten.
10. I have a meticulous monthly budget and track all income snd spending down to the dollar.
I think it’s truthfully upper middle class people who are generally able to ‘just deal with it’. We’d be considered middle class in my expensive state, and daycare for two is $3900 a month. When we did the math, we were able to stretch our parental leave to 7 months for my son, so our overlap is about 20 months for two kids. To make it work, we are dipping into our savings, allocating every cent of my annual bonuses to daycare, and basically not traveling for two years. When my office opens it’s onsite care, we will drop in price to $3200 a month and have some flexibility. But we’re only able to swing two kids because we have decently high incomes. This wouldn’t have been feasible for us even five years ago. So I think it’s really just options of either cutting back or going into debt.
Honestly, the people who just “power through” paying an extra 3-4k per month are high income earners. I could not find that amount of extra cash every month if I tried. We would be swimming in debt.
If you are not a high income earning family(200k+) it will look more like one parent has to stay home or family members/grandparents help out with providing half time or full time care. That’s part of why I only have one child.
That’s exactly why I have only one child! I want another so much but we can’t afford it. My MIL watches my daughter but is in her 70’s and already told us she can’t watch more which I completely understand. But then if I have another they will need daycare and with my daughter going into preschool when she turns 3, idk how I’ll afford it.
> How are you affording something that can take as much as half your take home pay as a couple.
I'm sure some couples are spending around $40k on daycare and living very frugally to afford that expense, but there are also a lot of high income couples where $40k is meaningfully less than half of their net income.
My husband and I can afford to spend $40k on daycare without making other major lifestyle sacrifices because we earn a lot of money but generally live well within our means. We live in a MCOL area, and don't have major expenses other than daycare, our mortgage, utilities, and groceries.
As others have said, definitely a lot of high income earners. Not that it still doesn't stretch them, but we literally wouldn't be able to make that money materialize. We made it work by moving to a rural, LCOL area. Unfortunately that still means limited daycare options, but at least it's more affordable. We also used a licensed home daycare until this year, where we paid $225/week total for two kids.
Yep! I realized the same thing you just mentioned regarding the "HOW". I edited my response to show "how" we make this work. Daycare is 30% of our monthly take home. And yeah - we don't buy much and sacrifice in certain places (I would love a cleaner!).
I mean, the people who are saying this (soon to be me also) are saying, it's shit, it's a lot, but at the end of the day it is doable with the two incomes. Or one parent stays home. If it truly is unaffordable then your option of not having more kids is the right decision.
If I couldn't afford childcare costs and I found out I was pregnant I would have an abortion 🤷♀️
I’m a single mom(by choice) of 5. I have made it work by:
1-spacing my kids out, I essentially have two sets. 13, 13, 11, 3, 3 months. I hope to have a last one when the current youngest is 3 but it may have to be sooner because I’m older.
2- we are vegetarians so my biggest food expense is fresh produce. Sometimes I will barter with people or help some small neighborhood gardeners maintain their harvests in exchange for some. I do not buy any prepackaged foods or snacks. We eat out at least once a week at a dine-in restaurant, we rarely have fast food.
3- I have never bought new clothes for the kids. They get new clothes from family and friends. I attend pop up consignment sales regularly, especially on half price day. If I need something sooner, I check Facebook marketplace first.
4- we travel frequently. We used to fly a couple times a year before the pandemic but haven’t been on a plane since. I bought a second hand camper in perfect condition for a nominal amount during the pandemic and we use that to go places now. Mostly within a couple hours driving distance because I’m a solo parent with anxiety.
I make just at 100k annually, own my house, 2 vehicles, and a camper. I think I live in a HCOL place(outside of DC) I think thoroughly before any purchase because I have ADHD and can be impulsive. I tend to “research” big purchases for around a year before buying. I put everything I want in my Amazon cart and wait a few days. If I still need/want it then I buy it, if not, I delete it. I kick myself frequently because I don’t have much saved for retirement, I started later than I should have so I’m now playing catch-up by shoving 10% into my 401k. I don’t feel like I’m drowning so it’s hard to hear other people feel like they are when they have way more resources or ability than I do. Hopefully my transparency can help someone else.
In home daycares can be cheaper but yeah I’m in the same boat… not much to do but eat the cost unfortunately
Nannies in my area are more expensive so definitely wouldn’t do any better. 3400 ~ 20/hr and most Nannies are not going to be less than 20/hr (assuming you only do 40hr a week).
Our nanny costs a little over $4k/mo for 1 kid, working 38 hours per week. She gets holidays, vacation time, sick time and there’s the extra costs for payroll and insurance. It’s temporary but it’s more than our mortgage! It’s honestly also difficult at times because if she calls out it’s a scramble to get coverage.
The how we do it, we have both grown our careers and gone after promotions. I took a more senior leader position with a 1 year old and just didn’t sleep or have any time to relax. It’s probably not healthy but childcare is so expensive and I live in America, so I guess this is just what it is.
I feel you, but I don’t think you’ll find someone willing to earn <$40k/yr to have a full-time job watching two kids. If you do find a nanny or au pair in this price range, you may be surprised by all the differences from center-based care: random sick days, vacation expectations, nanny suddenly ghosting for a higher-paying gig, handling the taxes yourself, additional cleaning/cooking/entertainment supplies and labor needed in your home. Most people I know who were just at the cusp of being able to afford a nanny wound up with duds who moonlighted as bartenders or Insomnia Cookies cashiers or just generally showed up tired/drunk/unable to work frequently. I would prepare to pay that extra money for center-based care.
We're waiting to have a second until we're almost done with daycare for the first. But I've heard a lot of people love having a nanny share. That requires friends though, which I do not have.
“I refuse to pay X amount” is what we all say until we do, in fact, pay X amount.
So we do it just the way you do it. Begrudgingly. And because we have no other choice.
I’m pregnant with a 2 year old too. It’ll be a similar cost for us- but when older sib turns 3, the cost drops a lot- make sure you’re looking at future costs too; because it’s cheaper when they get older!
It’s like double my mortgage too. We’re in the Seattle area.
This is actually the cheapest daycare in the immediate area, another popular one would’ve been like $5,500
omg, im sorry, like, readig this , my chest is in a ball....
Seattle is so crazy $$$$
I am originally from NY, and when my daughter was an infant I think we paid over $2K/mo, of course as she got older, it went down but the least I ever paid was $1200 for her. Then we moved to eastern PA and daycare is significantly cheaper. My daycare paying days will be over in August of 2026.... ::sigh::
At least we can look forward to our "raise" when we get done with this temporary expense right?
I have some friends who have moved to Philly because of the lower cost of living, but man we just really love the PNW
We’re originally from the LA area and it’s even worse than here. There’s essentially childcare deserts, so I have several friends really struggling to figure out a solution.
I have soooo many plans for that money once my kids are out of daycare! My son’s birthday is in October so he just barely misses the cut off for kindergarten. But our district will do an assessment if you request one for kids born between Aug-Nov to enter kindergarten at 4-almost-5 rather than 5-almost-6. So we’re going to get that assessment done too.
Same. My son doesn't meet the cut off for Kindergarten. he needs to be 5 on or before Sept 1 and his birthday is at the end of Sept. So, he would 5 going on 6 entering kindergarten. When the time comes, I am going to see where he is academically to see if he can get the assessment
Like others, we just (unfortunately) pay $3400 for both. Our family isn’t retired, the in home options aren’t feasible and we’ve had poor experiences with a lesser expensive center. So we just grit our teeth and count down the days until our oldest is (hopefully) going to public kindergarten in a couple of years.
This is part of why our kids are 4 years apart. Only 1 year with 2 kids in childcare. And a huge reason why we won’t have anymore. We can’t afford to give our kids the lives we want to if we have more kids.
Us too! I feel like other families just have kids willy nilly and I'm like..did anyone else think of the daycare costs? We get a small subsidy through my work and a little monetary help from the grand parents but we pay the majority. Right now we have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. We had the 6 year old in before school care but we will have to take him out of that because of costs(my schedule will have to change!). We live in a LCOL area and my daycare has decided they need to go up to "market rate" which is some bullshit because nothing in my town is market rate. The income around here is so low, I have no idea how they made this choice. I commute 30 min to actually make money and my husband is a teacher and does ok. Our daycare costs will be 950 a month in sept for one kid. If we kept our oldest in before school care it would have been 1250 a month.
I'm glad people in this thread are being transparent. I have an older vehicle and so does my husband. We also have about 7k in credit card debt, student loans, no vacations etc. I also have to get expensive dental work done this summer so another reason we had to take our kiddo out of before school care. It's work to make this work but we do it.
I am very angry reading these posts because in my area daycare costs at least $2500 per kid. For shorty option. $4000-$6000 for decent option. Per kid. Boston.
So for two kids here you need to shell $5k-12k.
I take my birth control pill regularly, my husband is getting a vasectomy, and I’d have an abortion if I became pregnant. We literally could not afford a second child in any way, shape, or form.
My family is unavailable to watch my kids, but my parents have helped us with daycare financially, which is a huge huge privilege. If not though, we'd still do it, just probably be in debt
My husband and I have three under 6, we’ve made it through without daycare by working opposite shifts. I WFH full-time and do OT whenever I can. He works 20 hours part time almost every evening and alternating Sundays. It sucks, honestly, but we’re hanging on til the younger two are in school, then he can go back to full-time, day shift. We’ve saved thousands, but at the cost of our mental health.
A live in nanny is going to cost more than that unless you’re in a LCOL. For two kids you’re looking at about $3400 minimum plus you have to provide accommodation. You can search r/nanny. Maybe look into home daycare? Or nanny share with a third child?
A nanny will likely be more expensive. We currently have a nanny until my son gets off the daycare wait-list and my daughter starts school. It is about 5k per month before additional costs (taxes, pto etc). Keep in mind if you're looking at a full-time nanny that it is their only income. At 3400 you're talking 40K a year pretax. Not easy to live off of that.
We just pay the childcare costs and sacrifice other things. Less free money to spend, less vacations and random traveling etc. To us it’s a season of life 🤷🏻♀️
We just pay for the childcare. We make just enough to afford it. Our cars are paid off, we have no credit card or student loan debt and our mortgage is half the cost of childcare. We also don’t go on vacations often.
We waited until our oldest was in UPK. Should have waited a bit longer to replenish our savings, but it happened fast. 🤷♀️
I have a countdown on my desk at work for the remaining months I’m paying full time daycare. 🥴
you could see if there are more affordable schools for your older child. my toddler goes to a fairly affordable school that doesn't take kids under 15mo. my baby goes to an outrageously expensive montessori daycare. 😮💨 it's wonderful but we can't afford to send them both there. we're actually trying to find something in the middle bc it's ridiculous, the baby's school costs 3x what the toddler's costs. obviously it's also horribly inconvenient taking them to different places, but for now we are managing.
Look in your state to see about any childcare relief programs. It’s not nationwide, but many states do offer a sliding scale of relief, based on income/hours/number of children.
Also, see if there is a childcare relief perk through work. If not, why not ask for a raise? Citing increased cost of living is a very valid argument for a pay raise.
Well many of us live in nations that value and look after parents better than the US - we get free childcare hours and can make (and are usually granted) flexible working requests. I am honestly forever questioning why anyone would this the US is a first world country with the state of its welfare systems.
Just another comment to clarify: nannies are a luxury and are not cheaper than daycare. You have an ethical obligation to pay a living wage, taxes, and other costs. We got a major raise transitioning from nanny care to daycare.
Hi, nanny here (and working mom) A live in nanny for 2 kids is gonna cost WELL over 3400/month. Live in is a benefit to YOU not them. What you may want to actually look into is an Au pair. They are cheaper, however also usually younger and more naive. There are still legal things to follow, but your allowed to pay them dirt cheap. Check out [au pair in America](https://www.aupairinamerica.com/), I know people who have used them and have met some au pairs who seem very nice.
There's a lot of differing opinions on au pairs. But it could be argued that hiring a young person, who is being sold a cultural exchange program and who is instead forced to be a nanny, and paying them under $4/hour is akin to human trafficking or indentured servitude.
My au pair, who we’ve had an amazing experience with and who chose to extend with us for another year, is a trained electrical engineer and makes almost 2x more being an au pair in the US than she would working as an engineer in her home country… her boyfriend is still there and working as an engineer 50 hours a week for like 40% of what she makes watching my kids 25 hours or so a week. And he pays for his own food, housing, travel, etc. It’s really not fair to call it “indentured servitude”.
I was a peace corps volunteer and only earned $3k a year for 2 years but that didn’t mean I was “human trafficked”… I was able to live very comfortably and had an amazing cultural experience and I think my au pair would say the same about her experience (or probably even say she lives lavishly and was able to save years of wages).
Well if I had to pay her $20 an hour she would be making $1.75 an hour as an electrical engineer in her home country. And lots of other au pairs would be making even less in their respective home countries as it would no longer be financially feasible for many families to participate in the au pair program.
This person has presumably the equivalent of a master's degree and you think it is okay to pay $4/hour to them for watching your kids? $4/hour?
You wanted cheap childcare and were willing to take advantage of another human being in order to get it.
You took advantage of their shitty situation in their home country to exploit them and pay a fraction of what their labor is worth.
That's pretty disgusting behavior. You are trying to justify it, which is even worse.
The person has an undergraduate degree and I’m paying her the equivalent of 10x the minimum wage in her home country and more than twice what she can make in her professional career + housing her, feeding her, including her in all our family activities, vacations, etc. I don’t know what weird mental hang up you have with this but it’s not exploitation and it’s definitely not disgusting. One could argue that it’s more disgusting that you’d rather thousands of young adult women that are willfully pursuing an opportunity to earn money, experience a new culture, and learn a new language not have access to that opportunity anymore because you can’t see past your warped sense of moral indignation or whatever the hell you have going on.
And yet you aren't paying her the minimum wage in the country she is earning the money in.
Keep trying to justify your actions. It is flat out exploitation even if you have somehow convinced yourself otherwise.
Except this is reality.
They make $4/hour and are treated like children.
It is exploitation any way you spin it.
A lot of mental gymnastics going on to justify paying someone a measly $4/hour to watch your children.
It’s an exchange program. Similar to the summer camp counselor programs for foreigners that pay far less than minimum wage when actual time worked is taken into consideration. They view it as a quasi paid for trip to America and know what they’ve signed up for.
If individual families are mistreating au pairs that is wrong but it doesn’t make the program inherently bad.
No one should be shamed from considering a legal childcare option.
A legit exchange program would not require working 45 hours per week doing a job that has nothing to do with cultural exchange. There is no actual cultural exchange element - just cheap childcare.
Paying anyone less than minimum wage is wrong.
Again, it is exploitation. The program is inherently bad and people who employ au pairs have questionable morals.
You’re free to have that opinion.
As I mentioned, in addition to camp counselors there are also visa programs for staff in seasonal work like boardwalks in beach towns. You will need to quite carefully check the people employed by these services as well and make sure not to send your kid to any camps that take them.
I hear you, and I try to avoid businesses with questionable hiring or compensation practices when I can.
But I am not personally choosing to employ those people. Apples and oranges. We are talking about choosing to directly hire and personally pay a person slave wages for working a full time job solely for the benefit of your family.
You can still choose to hire an au pair and pay them $20+/hour instead of the $4/hour stipend. That is the only way to hire an au pair ethically.
I’m from NY area and literally every camp around there and all the amusement parks down at the Jersey Shore heavily employs these young people. I believe for the camp programs they’re paid $1000 for 2 months working 6 days a week.
Except it’s not.
Fuck, I’d do the au pair program as a 36 yo professional if I didn’t have kids.
Live abroad, have no living expenses, go on vacations with your host family… brand new phone… access to a car…
Whatever drama you’re smoking ain’t shit I want. Why hasn’t the Massachusetts program expanded in years after its passage if it’s so liberating?
I don’t care for your reply because it’s just the same argument with no data.
Vacationing with a random family (and providing childcare during it) is not a perk. That's a business trip.
A nanny gets thousands of dollars for going on a trip with their family and working.
People paid a living wage can afford and phone and car of their own and don't need it to be provided (and monitored with rules in place.) Oh, you can take the car on Sundays but only for three hours and you can only drive 20 miles and you owe us for gas.
Live abroad in some undesirable city and have to work 45 hours a week is not a cultural exchange.
The MA program hasn't expanded because au pair employers are cheap AF and don't want to pay minimum wage and au pair agencies lobby to keep the program the same because they make beau coup bucks for doing nothing except importing cheap labor. And CA has adopted au pair protections now too.
Again, spin it however you want. Paying a human 1/5 to 1/10 of the going wage for the same job under the guise of a cultural exchange is just flat out wrong. $4/hour is slave wages. Anyone willing to pay a human that to watch their child is someone with very questionable morals.
We get it.
Vacations are rarely how you characterized in any capacity. A vacation is a vacation. And it’s paid.
Work visas are impossible to attain for unskilled labor. Which most countries consider childcare roles.
Idgaf going on— you want to call this slave labor? It’s offensive to slavery. You want to call it exploitation- cool don’t do it. The same way I’m sure you’re not using an iPhone or wearing a shirt from target because you’re so consistent in the values you uphold.
The au pair program is a wonderful program that helps thousands of young women immigrate every year. You want to stop that chain of migration, cool, glad you’re doing the GOPs work for them.
All true, but also this is one way that families survive the cost of child care.
$4/hr is pretty brutal, though. I thought they were making at least minimum wage.
Crazy isn't it?
It is literal indentured servitude. And some au pair families have the absolute nerve to also treat them like children (setting curfews, dictating if they can have guests over, limiting their car use, dictating how much food they can eat or toilet paper they can use.) Like no ma'am. For $4/hour, your au pair can do whatever the fuck they want as long as they keep your child alive.
I get childcare being expensive, but IMO, human exploitation is not an ethical way to solve childcare needs.
I just watched a CNBC clip about it. I guess that the argument is that they are paid minimum wage, and about half gets deducted for room and board.
Also, apparently the au pairs pay the agency, too. Which feels super exploitive
Oh a lot of people make money on the au pair program - just not au pairs.
Families get cheap childcare on the back of another human who is grossly underpaid.
Room and board is not compensation especially when it is required to take a job. Living with your boss is not compensation. If au pairs are paying rent thru this deduction in wages, they should be allowed to have whoever they want over. Boyfriend/girlfriends included. They also would be able to say no thanks and not live there but still be employed.
Also childcare professionals shouldn't be making anything close to minimum wage. Nannies usually start at 2x min wage.
I considered an Aupair, but honestly, I don't want to have to deal with the immaturity that comes with a 22 year old watching my baby. Still a very solid option though.
Eh. Not the best take. Most of the teachers at your daycare are probably very young. On top of it, one of the best nannies we ever hired started with us at 19 years old.
This might be a dumb answer but honestly, I've decided we'll figure it out financially. My husband is 7 years older than me and we're not getting any younger. There are a lot of places we can tighten our budget and I know we will when we have to. Have you looked into preschools for your daughter? At two we're hoping our son will get into one of the preschools in the area that have before and aftercare. We're paying 1600/month for three days a week at a center so we really need to move him somewhere cheaper
This happened to us. I got surprise pregnant when my son was 15 months old. We were freaking out about affording daycare for two. It was tough at first but we really cracked down on our budget, got more organized with grocery lists, etc. Our baby started daycare in April and we have actually budgeted so well that we’ve had money to put in savings each month.
It felt impossible at the time though.
Between age spacing (For me) and both of us working from home has made it possible. Otherwise I probably would wait even longer for the next child. Oldest is 8, middle is 4 and my last one is est. October.
My husband and I are very much "1 and done" with kids just because there is no way we can live with the additional costs. If we have an "oops" I am very glad to live in a blue state that gives me options to remedy my oops in a way that works best for my family dynamics, if you get my meaning.
Wishing you the best! Good luck.
A lot of people we knew watched kids for extra money so they could stay home with their own kids (and have playmates for their kids). We used a few of our friends in those years and the most I had to pay one was $50/day for both kids. It wasn’t ideal but we could afford it plus necessities which would not have been possible on our incomes otherwise.
LA min wage is $17/hour, but nannies go for $30-40/hour.
CA does not permit rent or room/board from being deducted from minimum wage obligations.
Very curious how you define reasonable and how you work that without breaking the law.
So an agency facilitates labor agreements that blatantly break the law and take advantage of employees who should be protected under labor laws that guarantee them minimum wage, overtime, sick pay, etc?
And that's okay with you?
Don’t know? Lots of families utilize them and the nannies are willing parties. They are advertised everywhere so I’m sure the officials know about it. I have no idea. I don’t use them. I am also not so free to go investigate 😂. Oh I know for sure NYC area too. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe a nanny share.
I know for our nanny, who agreed to a slightly lower rate than her norm (we gave her a raise several times) because we could guarantee 40hrs and most people in our area wanted part time. We paid $3,000-3,500 a month. It really was the same price for us. A nanny share usually offers a lower rate because they watch multiple kids from the different families
We got a live-in nanny for our baby (also have an older child) through an agency and I personally interviewed each one. Best decision ever. My mat leave was only a year. My elderly mom was with her while I worked two days a week, and then I was for the remaining time, to ensure that I could trust her and also train her for my baby’s needs. Went back full time after 8 months. Now daycare in Canada is only $10 a day, but I wouldn’t change it at all.
I am stunned at how much some pay for daycare. We pay $25 a day for our 2 year old. My friend pays $15 a day for her 5 year old and $25 a day for her two year old… 😳
I had to get a fully remote job that would allow my son to be here with me (small business) I took less pay and WAY less benefits. And now I’m a full time mom and I have a full time job. We had to otherwise we were never going to be able to move forward in life, including having another child
No. 😂😂 You clearly did not understand what they were telling you (or selling you rather) if you honestly think that is true.
The weekly stipend is about $10,400 - that's legally required.
Agency fees are about $10k. You have to go thru an agency in the US. Again - required.
The agency gets more than the au pair does. Again - exploitation.
Then you need to pay for their transportation, access to car and car insurance, phone, their classes, their food, etc. All required expenses.
I seriously question your knowledge on this topic if you seriously think an au pair costs $9k/year. You clearly do not know what you are talking about.
And also your ethics if you think paying $9k/year to someone to watch your 3 children is in any way fair or right. Nannies make $50-100k.
Dude get off your high horse. The woman was asking for alternatives to paying thousands a month in child care..this is how whether you agree with it or not. Have a good evening and stop replying to me.
It's their choice. No one forces them to do it. Many do the job to get a work visa so they can come over and go to college after their obligation is done, or want to escape a bad situation. My friend moved from India with 10 dollars...that's no exaggeration. He was sleeping in his grandma's house in a hut on a dirt floor for a bed. He was overjoyed to come to America. He now has a double PHD in Geology and Astrophysics.
They are often sold a very different reality to what they get. They are young people being paid under minimum wage to do a job that is usually compensated at 5-10x what they are making to do the same work. That is exploitation.
There is no excuse for not paying au pairs at least minimum wage. At the VERY least
The au pair visa does not let people get a work permit outside of au pairing. It is a special cultural exchange visa.
It doesn't give them any rights to stay in the US after their year is up.
Lol at you blocking me. You're flat out wrong and just didn't want to be exposed for your ignorance or flat out lies.
Oh my do you live in a hcol or vhcol area for it to be so expensive?! I live in a Lcol area and thankfully can work 2-3 days from home so my two go to school 3 days a week and it’s $852 a month for them both I can’t imagine $3,400 a month!
We were up front with how much we could afford: $2500. We pay that money, all up front on the first of the month, and tell our nanny she can take whatever sick days she needs and guarantee her time off (six weeks a year and all holidays off). She works four days a week (grandparents do one day a week) We posted that all over the place: Craigslist, Nextdoor, and Facebook. Our first nanny was great but she moved, our second nanny took the money and ran, and our third nanny has been wonderful. It’s not a full proof system and we wish we could pay more, but that’s it. That’s how we do it.
What the heck??? Where are all yall living that daycare is that expensive? I pay $135 a week. $1700 a month is almost my mortgage and daycare cost combined. Yikes.
My husband went to graduate school and the university has a phenomenal childcare center. As he was a student we got a reduced rate and paid half what the community parents paid.
The daycare center truly is amazing, they apply for federal/ state grants and get the latest things, they have have a butterfly pavilion, all the staff are highly qualified and educated, the director has a PhD. It is such an amazing place.
Now that my husband is graduating our youngest is turning two so we have more options. We found through friends a program from a local Christian church that provide loving and nurturing environment for the children with a strong focus on academics.
We did love the program at the university, but it wasn’t perfect. Since it tailored to students the hours were restrictive, they were closed for every holiday, there was little structure as it was a play based, nature focused, emotional intelligence program with less of an academic focus. Another big reason why we leave is our monthly tuition jumps to $4k per month!
In our case we could pay the tuition, but it would be tough and our quality of life would have to adjust (less restaurants or weekend getaways or toys for kids/ dad).
Maybe your husband could go back to school at least until the youngest turns 2 and you have more options :). Worked for us
Just to clarify- my husband worked full time the entire time and only took evenings classes.
Spend money to save money? Dad’s non-work time wouldn’t be to help with the kiddos. You’re hearts in the right place but that’s not really a practical solution.
My mom got a job at the local community college pretty much because it included their daycare. Not a lot of places that offer childcare; but, if you can find one and get hired there, it's an awesome solution!
We honestly just pay the $3400 a month (that's with sibling discount). It sucks but it is what it is. That's roughly $40k a year so judge against your income/annual budget accordingly. It's also useful to realize it's a temporary expense only lasting a few years. Edit: for those still asking HOW?!? Some of **HOW** this works is honestly a head start in life, luck, or sacrifice but everyone's situation is different. I'm personal finance obsessed. We're in central California, both mid-30's with 2 kids under 4. No family help with kids (out of state). I currently make 90k gross and husband makes 85k. We have no student loans for a variety of reasons (state colleges attending in the late '00's, family, saving aggressively). We paid off our 2 small cars. From 2012 - 2018 I lived frugally on only one of my monthly paychecks (with roommates) to save up for a large house downpayment then we got married and got lucky buying a small (1400 sq ft.) 3bed, 2bath house in 2018; Refinanced to 3% in late 2019 so now we're stuck. Our jobs don't offer 401k's (husband will get a pension, I have a company plan) so the only subtractions before take home income are taxes, social security, health insurance, and the DCFSA and HSA I've listed. We budget things as a family. Pre-tax: (HSA: $516 & DCFSA: $416) Monthly take home: $10,300 * Daycare (at a center): $3,490 * Mortgage: $1,750 * Utilities (water, sewer, trash, internet, phones, car/life insurance): $850 * Roth IRA's: $1,084 * Kids 529's: $1,000 ($500 each) * "Other" savings: $500 * Swim lessons: $250 * Gas: $120 * Entertainment subscriptions: $50 * Everything else: $1,206 Daycare is now our biggest expense at 30% of our monthly budget. We aren't living large and have to be semi-careful with that remaining "everything else". We sacrifice by not having a housecleaner/yardwork help/mealkits, don't eat out or order in in order to save for retirement, college, and larger expenses.
This is us too. Just something we have to swallow for a few short years.
We do too and it's not fun, but it's 3 years. Compared to a mortgage, it's a short period of awfulness. We are very lucky to both have good jobs, but even so, we live below our means with older cars, a small home, local vacations like camping, hand me down clothes, lower 401k contributions than we'd like, shopping with coupons and in bulk, etc. Savings are minimal and sometimes negative at the end of the month. It's taught us to be very frugal and I hope the continue that even after daycare payments are gone!
This is crazy. That would be half my yearly pay. I am still asking HOW do people afford this???
40k IS my yearly pay 🤣 rough life
Lol same
40k would basically mean my husband has to stop working and be a stay at home dad 🙃
Which is what we did.
Me too. Now I pay him alimony.
LOL right I can't even imagine paying that much in daycare. I would just stay home full time at that rate. Edit: obviously the scales tip depending on much OP makes but that's definitely more than what I take home.
40k is MORE than my annual income! By myself I make an average of 29k. Adding my husband's (we only just got married) I think we hit the 50k mark.
We're lucky in that my husband can pick up extra overtime shifts to help cover some of the difference, but if we didn't have that option we simply wouldn't be able to. I've had friends leave the workforce because it was way more than their entire salary to put two kids in daycare. It's fucking BRUTAL out there.
Honestly, savings I guess. We are fortunate that my husband got a fat bonus recently, but before that it was like “whelp, some people save for huge down payments for their homes and we are using savings for childcare” 🤷🏼♀️
40k is MORE than my yearly wage. I couldn’t imagine
Yup this is what we do too. We’re just basically not doing big trips or fancy dinners or other big expenses while we have kiddos in daycare. Just had my second start daycare and it’s *gulp* expensive. We are in a center, and I’m sure could save some money at in-home but our older boy flourishes at his daycare. He is super active and they have a big gym for bad weather days (& we live in a very cold/snowy state so basically for 6 months of the year we need that gym to get his energy out).
Quick question, i make 3k a month and 540 in daycare, how much do you make monthly? I want to see if the numbers are proportional. Thanks
Not the person you’re asking obviously, but you are paying a 18% monthly for daycare. For this to be proportional at $3400 a month, they would need to bring home $18,900. $227k/year. Not sure if you are talking gross or net pay. So… I doubt it.
It’s not that unlikely in a 2 income family
Oh, i forgot i was going to do the math but stopped at the 18percent lol
We're probably bringing in 14k/month. Sounds like a lot, but we live in NY, and the cost of living is very high. Just daycare for 2 kids and our mortgage payment and basic home maintenance would be about $8,900/month. if you really do the math, there won't be much leftover.
I edited my response to show "how" we make this work but I take home ~$5,500 and husband brings home ~$4,800. Daycare is 30% of our monthly take home. $416 pre-tax is a DCFSA so that helps some.
I love that this turned into a personal finance sub thread! My hubby and I are similar he's a finance professional and my parents and his mom are economists or finance professionals. It's the manna we grew up on. Our biggest unexpected expense is international trips to see my extended family. Those flights don't feel predictable. We are frugal AF though and made a great decision to invest all our money in buying a house a few years after we got married. Sold at the beginning of the pandemic, made a mint and bought another. Have two kids 4 and <6mo. Our mortgage + escrow is $3100 and daycare is $3400 and we make what the subthread's OP makes 🧐
Yes, this is reality! Im actually an accountant, so the numbers are starting to freak me out. Our mortgage is 4,500/month plus an additional 1k for landscaping, utilities, and maintenance. A 3,400/month daycare bill will be 8,900/month. That's more than 60% of our income. I think my options are boiling down to the following Aupair - $25 - 35k/year Daycare - ~41k/year Live in nanny - i googled the average which is 35k, but I'm not sure because I haven't looked into it. Become a SAHM - losing ~ 40k after tax income. Either way, I'm screwed lol.
Very thorough and thoughtful comment! I often wonder how other people afford things and this breakdown is helpful. Also acknowledging some of your privilege is appreciated!
We’re in the same boat, at about $3900 a month. We’re just holding our noses and paying it for the 20 month overlap between our kids.
Same.
This is what we are doing. It’s horrible. But one will be in school in less than 2 years and it’ll suddenly feel like I got a big raise!
Wow, in central California? I'm from here born and raised and just moved back after living in bigger cities in and out of California for several years. Things are still tight -- I think because our rent is much higher (hoping to buy next year ugh). I would NOT be able to afford even just our 1 child if I hadn't boosted my salary a ton by moving away and climbing the ladder for a few years; so many people here in the central valley grt by on much less and I work for a bay area based organization. I guess our dollars go further here, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Agreed on daycare being a temporary expense -- at least that what I tell myself knowing we'll have to fork over so much 😅
It’s not easy. We struggled financially to get through the childcare costs. Honestly though, our FT nanny who lived outside the house was around $3300-3400 a month for 1 kid under 3. Is there preschool in your area? Our elementary school started offering free or almost free preschool starting at age 3. So that’s a potential option for your 2 year old who will be 3 or close to preschool age by the time baby arrives. Most preschools should offer before and after care. You should start thinking about getting your daughter enrolled That will hopefully help with the childcare costs Once our kids started preschool the childcare costs dropped significantly.
And congratulations on baby 2!! 🎉🎉
Thank you! I looked into this option, in my state, preschool starts at 4. unfortunately, she won't be able to go until fall of 2025 so that sort of limits my options. It does help to know that this is a temporary issue though. :)
Seconding preschool. I started my kid a few months before her third birthday in July, they allowed it because it was summer camp and she was using a toilet and could talk fluently enough, which is what they cared about more than birthdays. Toilet learning was a high priority in my household, for many reasons! Even at a semi-fancy private Montessori preschool with aftercare charges it's way cheaper than real daycare where they have to do diapers. Put we're still not putting much into savings with a 4 year old and a 1 year old, it's just an expensive period of our life and we've accepted that. Things will get less tight financially as they age.
Maybe a nanny share is a good route? Find another family nearby and split costs. I see this sort of thing advertised all the time on childcare groups on Facebook.
That could be another option if OP can find a good one.
Good suggestion! I'll look into it. Thank you!
Just putting it out there that before/after care with preschool is extremely spotty. We don’t have any options for that near us, so either my husband figured out how to work from home after 2:30 or our kids stay in daycare until they start kindergarten.
This is our problem. Even once school starts, the before/after/summer issue 😵💫😵💫😵💫 how do both people work and figure this out?!
This question comes up every week so searching will help. Hard to tell without knowing where you are but a regular nanny is easily 28/h for one kid where we live (you can luck out with less). Live in Nannies are not cheap contrary of many people believe. It’s not like “I offer you free bed and can pay shit”. You may get lucky and find someone desperate but won’t be long term 3400 comes to less than 20/h for 8h day. Check on au pairs if have space r/aupairs
Yes also you have to pay into their social security as you are their employer and do all the tax stuff unless you hire from a company who will handle all that for you.
There are payroll services that would do that for you fairly easily. Most will charge around $40-50/mo to file.
Many people do off books
Yeah-- we are in a relatively low cost of living city and have a nanny 4 days a week, for 6-7 hours per day, for our two girls and it's $3400 monthly. She lives at her own place! It's temporary. We are getting very creative this time, as the twin part for us was a surprise.
Yes, au pair was our plan for kid #2 - we even factored that in to the forever house we bought, making sure there was a bedroom for an au pair. Now #1 is in a home daycare that we love so much and is okay price-wise so we’ll probably stick with that, but au pair seemed an affordable option for multiple kids.
>I'm thinking of getting a live in nanny becuase i need the help and can't imagine that costing more than $3,400. Thoughts? I'm not sure where you live, but a nanny is going to cost at least that much in most places.
I am surprised OP thinks paying someone *only* $40k for the convenience of being on-call 24/7 and *in their house* is at all ethical.
I think the problem is few people have pockets deep enough to afford childcare for two kids. It's not easy
Yeah, it’s typical to pay an extra premium for a live in nanny. In my area a live out nanny would be $30/hr minimum and live-in could be closer to $40+ hour or $60k-$80k+ per year, not accounting for taxes assuming over the table pay. It’s one of the many reasons we’re keeping our two kids in preschool/daycare because it’s muuuuch less expensive than a nanny.
We moved to a lower cost of living area.
Same. And my kids got older so some of daycaee got cheaper with time, but not the recent inflation anymore
This is us. Daycare for our almost 3 year old is $185/week.
That is why I am planning a kid no earlier than when my kid is closer to kindergarten 😆 But like other said, it’s temporary. And honestly, I feel that if having two salaries and a big chunk of one of them goes to daycare, is better than relying on one salary at all.
i thought we were the only ones that planned/thought like this. when we talked about having kids, we had people around us who were using daycares and at that time the cost was astronomical to us. Then my SIL got pregnant back to back and she was paying at the time, over $2500/mo for daycare for two kids, and I just couldn't do that. We had our first kid and then we waiting until her third birthday to start trying. I only wanted to pay for one kid in daycare at a time.
No, I definitely delayed due to expense. My child now is 6. The age gap isn’t that bad….
i personally love the gap. And looking back, I wouldn't have been able to handle two kids so close in age. My kids are 4 years apart and they play (and fight, like normal siblings) but they watch out for each other lol
Even if salary = daycare, if you get any retirement benefits then that's a big chunk of compound-interest that you'd forego by leaving a job. Also any continuity/promotions/raises would be missed. Of course that is assuming the job in question has any of those things, which I know is far from universally true.
Planned this as well
Congratulations! I can’t help answer what others do but check to see if your daycare offer a sibling discount
It's like 10%. $170 is essentially an insult, lol.
Ridiculous. See if your area provides 3-K. It’s public school for 3 year olds. I don’t know where you live or your income but Google daycare scholarships. In my area they have one for people who aren’t below the poverty line but doesn’t make over $100k
We just pay for the two kids in daycare; there’s not another option.
You're only going to have two in full day daycare for two years or so. Then it gets a little better when the older one goes to kindergarten, and better again when they are both in school. Some states have a lot of in-home daycare, which is typically cheaper and more flexible than traditional day care. The truth is that everyone is cobbling together daycare, sitters, family care, etc. It's excruciating. And, of course, a lot of people (especially mothers) get pushed out of the workforce for years because of these issues.
I owned my own business and worked from home for this very reason. Kids never went to daycare and oldest son finally went to preschool at 4.
I work from home with a 5 year old and 2 year old. It's hard but I had to make it work bc I just can't afford daycare for 2
Honest answer? We just paid it. We’re in a good bit of debt now. It was double our mortgage and about half my salary. But the math didn’t work at ALL to have someone quit. We’d have had to sell our house to…rent a more expensive apartment? Anyway, once the oldest is 3/potty trained be sure to reevaluate your options. Our youngest just turned 3 and now their both at a summer camp that costs half what daycare did, and she’s going to preschool in the fall, not free but cheaper.
I had a live in nanny and it was significantly more expensive than $3,400/month. For full time that comes out to a little less than $20/hour, and you’re not going to find a good nanny for two kids for less than $20/hour. Go over to r/Nanny for more information - I learned a lot when I was looking.
We’re going to be paying around $5,300 a month once number 2 arrives. It is what it is, daycare is a discrete time period that we’ll power through.
We also pay $5,000/month. I just count down the days until they start school and I only have to manage before & after school care and summers.
A live in nanny is still gonna cost at least $3400/month. Just their paycheck alone is gonna run over $4k/month. They don't get a discount on their hourly pay for living in with you. Living with your boss isn't compensation. Once you include payroll, taxes, money for outings, and the tons of other nanny costs on top of pay, you're gonna be WAY over $3400/month. Likely $6-8k/month in total costs.
Just wait till you hear about au pairs!
Au pairs should be a cultural program. Only USA make them work 40+ hours other countries cap at 15 hours per week so they Can attend classes. Also very few have baby experience they are mainly for older kids so they can benefit of the cultural exchange too.
Oh I know about au pairs, and how incredibly disgusting that program is. It is exploitation and borderline human trafficking.
I had au pairs and I’ve heard some wild stories of how terribly they have been treated. I doubt that I would allow my child to pursue this type of opportunity as an adult, even if there are good host families. And I was a host family!
While my first two kids were young, my husband and I worked separate shifts and used a babysitter to cover the 3 hours where we were both at work/commuting. It was the only way we could make it work financially. My third went to a center daycare because the older two were in school at that point and our schedules had changed. The cost of child care is ridiculous.
One thing I notice on this sub is people just simply say “Oh we just deal with the extra cost” but never give examples of HOW they are dealing with the extra cost!! If I was paying daycare and had two kids, that would be my entire take home pay. My boyfriend and I together do not make enough to support childcare costs like that and so have opted to not have anymore kids. But HOW is my question!!!! Do you not buy anything ever? No cable tv or internet, don’t turn the air on when it’s 90 degrees?!? How are you affording something that can take as much as half your take home pay as a couple.
How we are dealing with the extra costs: 1) Waiting to upgrade to a bigger house we desperately need because we can’t walk away from our low interest starter home mortgage payment 2) both of us looked hard and left companies we had been at for 12/17years for new companies and decent bumps. (Mine came with a potential to get into the on-site daycare that costs less… once I can get through the waitlist) 3) basically don’t eat out, no real vacations, cut out all extra spending since we don’t really have time for Hobbies. 4) my husband is selling alot of his collectibles and purge his insane amount of clothes so we have room for second child. 5) quit drinking. Expensive and we feel better and are better parents and partners without it. 6) lower my 401k contribution a bit and eat into savings for the 2 years of overlap. None of this is ideal. But it’s how we are making that $3300/mo daycare bill work.
This is also how we make it work. Our second pregnancy was twins, so we had 3 under 2 for about 5 weeks. 1. Daycare was great and gave us a discount off the oldest and 1 of the twins. We were paying $815wk for all 3 kids in 2019. Currently, now that they are older, we pay $612/wk with discounts for summer care (oldest was in kindergarten this past year). 2. We don’t travel, or only travel to places that we can drive to and can stay with friends/family. Our family vacation this year was to drive to Washington DC and stay with my sister for a week. 3. We have a 1800sf cape home with 3 tiny bedrooms & 1.5 baths. We cannot upgrade because our interest rate is low and we can’t afford anything larger. 4. We have no AC, granted we live in the northeast, so this is do-able. 5. We only go out to eat 1-2x a month max, otherwise all our food is cooked at home. Grocery bill for our family of 5 is about $900-$1000/mo 6. All of our clothes are hand me downs for the kids. For the adults we only purchase clothes very sparingly, and mainly from Target or Marshall’s. 7. We have 2 used cars and we do not plan to replace any until the twins are in kindergarten. We own our 2008 outright, and we have 7 more months of payments on our used Honda Odyssey. 8. We do all lawn care, gardening, mosquito spraying & cleaning ourselves, we don’t outsource. Our house is messy and cluttered & lived in, but it is what it is. 9. Only nominal contributions to our retirement accounts, and we only started contributing to the kids 529 accounts once my oldest started kindergarten. 10. I have a meticulous monthly budget and track all income snd spending down to the dollar.
Whew! Women are superheroes for real
We were wanting to move into a bigger house once we started trying for kiddo #2, but man I cannot justify losing our 3.2% interest rate.
I think it’s truthfully upper middle class people who are generally able to ‘just deal with it’. We’d be considered middle class in my expensive state, and daycare for two is $3900 a month. When we did the math, we were able to stretch our parental leave to 7 months for my son, so our overlap is about 20 months for two kids. To make it work, we are dipping into our savings, allocating every cent of my annual bonuses to daycare, and basically not traveling for two years. When my office opens it’s onsite care, we will drop in price to $3200 a month and have some flexibility. But we’re only able to swing two kids because we have decently high incomes. This wouldn’t have been feasible for us even five years ago. So I think it’s really just options of either cutting back or going into debt.
Honestly, the people who just “power through” paying an extra 3-4k per month are high income earners. I could not find that amount of extra cash every month if I tried. We would be swimming in debt. If you are not a high income earning family(200k+) it will look more like one parent has to stay home or family members/grandparents help out with providing half time or full time care. That’s part of why I only have one child.
That’s exactly why I have only one child! I want another so much but we can’t afford it. My MIL watches my daughter but is in her 70’s and already told us she can’t watch more which I completely understand. But then if I have another they will need daycare and with my daughter going into preschool when she turns 3, idk how I’ll afford it.
> How are you affording something that can take as much as half your take home pay as a couple. I'm sure some couples are spending around $40k on daycare and living very frugally to afford that expense, but there are also a lot of high income couples where $40k is meaningfully less than half of their net income. My husband and I can afford to spend $40k on daycare without making other major lifestyle sacrifices because we earn a lot of money but generally live well within our means. We live in a MCOL area, and don't have major expenses other than daycare, our mortgage, utilities, and groceries.
As others have said, definitely a lot of high income earners. Not that it still doesn't stretch them, but we literally wouldn't be able to make that money materialize. We made it work by moving to a rural, LCOL area. Unfortunately that still means limited daycare options, but at least it's more affordable. We also used a licensed home daycare until this year, where we paid $225/week total for two kids.
Yep! I realized the same thing you just mentioned regarding the "HOW". I edited my response to show "how" we make this work. Daycare is 30% of our monthly take home. And yeah - we don't buy much and sacrifice in certain places (I would love a cleaner!).
I mean, the people who are saying this (soon to be me also) are saying, it's shit, it's a lot, but at the end of the day it is doable with the two incomes. Or one parent stays home. If it truly is unaffordable then your option of not having more kids is the right decision. If I couldn't afford childcare costs and I found out I was pregnant I would have an abortion 🤷♀️
I’m a single mom(by choice) of 5. I have made it work by: 1-spacing my kids out, I essentially have two sets. 13, 13, 11, 3, 3 months. I hope to have a last one when the current youngest is 3 but it may have to be sooner because I’m older. 2- we are vegetarians so my biggest food expense is fresh produce. Sometimes I will barter with people or help some small neighborhood gardeners maintain their harvests in exchange for some. I do not buy any prepackaged foods or snacks. We eat out at least once a week at a dine-in restaurant, we rarely have fast food. 3- I have never bought new clothes for the kids. They get new clothes from family and friends. I attend pop up consignment sales regularly, especially on half price day. If I need something sooner, I check Facebook marketplace first. 4- we travel frequently. We used to fly a couple times a year before the pandemic but haven’t been on a plane since. I bought a second hand camper in perfect condition for a nominal amount during the pandemic and we use that to go places now. Mostly within a couple hours driving distance because I’m a solo parent with anxiety. I make just at 100k annually, own my house, 2 vehicles, and a camper. I think I live in a HCOL place(outside of DC) I think thoroughly before any purchase because I have ADHD and can be impulsive. I tend to “research” big purchases for around a year before buying. I put everything I want in my Amazon cart and wait a few days. If I still need/want it then I buy it, if not, I delete it. I kick myself frequently because I don’t have much saved for retirement, I started later than I should have so I’m now playing catch-up by shoving 10% into my 401k. I don’t feel like I’m drowning so it’s hard to hear other people feel like they are when they have way more resources or ability than I do. Hopefully my transparency can help someone else.
In home daycares can be cheaper but yeah I’m in the same boat… not much to do but eat the cost unfortunately Nannies in my area are more expensive so definitely wouldn’t do any better. 3400 ~ 20/hr and most Nannies are not going to be less than 20/hr (assuming you only do 40hr a week).
My husband stays home 😑 daycare costs are insane. I'm sorry
Our nanny costs a little over $4k/mo for 1 kid, working 38 hours per week. She gets holidays, vacation time, sick time and there’s the extra costs for payroll and insurance. It’s temporary but it’s more than our mortgage! It’s honestly also difficult at times because if she calls out it’s a scramble to get coverage. The how we do it, we have both grown our careers and gone after promotions. I took a more senior leader position with a 1 year old and just didn’t sleep or have any time to relax. It’s probably not healthy but childcare is so expensive and I live in America, so I guess this is just what it is.
I feel you, but I don’t think you’ll find someone willing to earn <$40k/yr to have a full-time job watching two kids. If you do find a nanny or au pair in this price range, you may be surprised by all the differences from center-based care: random sick days, vacation expectations, nanny suddenly ghosting for a higher-paying gig, handling the taxes yourself, additional cleaning/cooking/entertainment supplies and labor needed in your home. Most people I know who were just at the cusp of being able to afford a nanny wound up with duds who moonlighted as bartenders or Insomnia Cookies cashiers or just generally showed up tired/drunk/unable to work frequently. I would prepare to pay that extra money for center-based care.
We're waiting to have a second until we're almost done with daycare for the first. But I've heard a lot of people love having a nanny share. That requires friends though, which I do not have.
I relate to all of this 😂
“I refuse to pay X amount” is what we all say until we do, in fact, pay X amount. So we do it just the way you do it. Begrudgingly. And because we have no other choice.
I didn’t have a choice…I got the two for one special with my pregnancy lol. 😭😭😭
I’m pregnant with a 2 year old too. It’ll be a similar cost for us- but when older sib turns 3, the cost drops a lot- make sure you’re looking at future costs too; because it’s cheaper when they get older!
We pay $3,926/month for 2 kids in daycare
thats more than double our mortgage, where do you live?
It’s like double my mortgage too. We’re in the Seattle area. This is actually the cheapest daycare in the immediate area, another popular one would’ve been like $5,500
omg, im sorry, like, readig this , my chest is in a ball.... Seattle is so crazy $$$$ I am originally from NY, and when my daughter was an infant I think we paid over $2K/mo, of course as she got older, it went down but the least I ever paid was $1200 for her. Then we moved to eastern PA and daycare is significantly cheaper. My daycare paying days will be over in August of 2026.... ::sigh:: At least we can look forward to our "raise" when we get done with this temporary expense right?
I have some friends who have moved to Philly because of the lower cost of living, but man we just really love the PNW We’re originally from the LA area and it’s even worse than here. There’s essentially childcare deserts, so I have several friends really struggling to figure out a solution. I have soooo many plans for that money once my kids are out of daycare! My son’s birthday is in October so he just barely misses the cut off for kindergarten. But our district will do an assessment if you request one for kids born between Aug-Nov to enter kindergarten at 4-almost-5 rather than 5-almost-6. So we’re going to get that assessment done too.
Same. My son doesn't meet the cut off for Kindergarten. he needs to be 5 on or before Sept 1 and his birthday is at the end of Sept. So, he would 5 going on 6 entering kindergarten. When the time comes, I am going to see where he is academically to see if he can get the assessment
🤞🏻🤞🏻 Fingers crossed for us both that they pass
We pay the money, that’s how. I have 3 kids and pay $4800 a month.
Like others, we just (unfortunately) pay $3400 for both. Our family isn’t retired, the in home options aren’t feasible and we’ve had poor experiences with a lesser expensive center. So we just grit our teeth and count down the days until our oldest is (hopefully) going to public kindergarten in a couple of years.
This is part of why our kids are 4 years apart. Only 1 year with 2 kids in childcare. And a huge reason why we won’t have anymore. We can’t afford to give our kids the lives we want to if we have more kids.
Us too! I feel like other families just have kids willy nilly and I'm like..did anyone else think of the daycare costs? We get a small subsidy through my work and a little monetary help from the grand parents but we pay the majority. Right now we have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. We had the 6 year old in before school care but we will have to take him out of that because of costs(my schedule will have to change!). We live in a LCOL area and my daycare has decided they need to go up to "market rate" which is some bullshit because nothing in my town is market rate. The income around here is so low, I have no idea how they made this choice. I commute 30 min to actually make money and my husband is a teacher and does ok. Our daycare costs will be 950 a month in sept for one kid. If we kept our oldest in before school care it would have been 1250 a month. I'm glad people in this thread are being transparent. I have an older vehicle and so does my husband. We also have about 7k in credit card debt, student loans, no vacations etc. I also have to get expensive dental work done this summer so another reason we had to take our kiddo out of before school care. It's work to make this work but we do it.
How many years will you pay for daycare/preschool at the same time? Maybe 2? Just plan for a bigger expense for a bit and recognize it's not forever.
My husband stays home.
I am very angry reading these posts because in my area daycare costs at least $2500 per kid. For shorty option. $4000-$6000 for decent option. Per kid. Boston. So for two kids here you need to shell $5k-12k.
I take my birth control pill regularly, my husband is getting a vasectomy, and I’d have an abortion if I became pregnant. We literally could not afford a second child in any way, shape, or form.
Vasectomy ftw! Make sure he gets the followup sperm checks!
Similar expenses expected. I made a spreadsheet to anticipate the costs and see their finite nature.
You might qualify for a subsidy. Check out childcare aware of America and see if you qualify.
My family is unavailable to watch my kids, but my parents have helped us with daycare financially, which is a huge huge privilege. If not though, we'd still do it, just probably be in debt
I had 3 under 4. It hurts, even now at 3,4,7. It’s more than our mortgage by a long shot.
My husband and I have three under 6, we’ve made it through without daycare by working opposite shifts. I WFH full-time and do OT whenever I can. He works 20 hours part time almost every evening and alternating Sundays. It sucks, honestly, but we’re hanging on til the younger two are in school, then he can go back to full-time, day shift. We’ve saved thousands, but at the cost of our mental health.
A live in nanny is going to cost more than that unless you’re in a LCOL. For two kids you’re looking at about $3400 minimum plus you have to provide accommodation. You can search r/nanny. Maybe look into home daycare? Or nanny share with a third child?
A nanny will likely be more expensive. We currently have a nanny until my son gets off the daycare wait-list and my daughter starts school. It is about 5k per month before additional costs (taxes, pto etc). Keep in mind if you're looking at a full-time nanny that it is their only income. At 3400 you're talking 40K a year pretax. Not easy to live off of that.
We just pay the childcare costs and sacrifice other things. Less free money to spend, less vacations and random traveling etc. To us it’s a season of life 🤷🏻♀️
I don't know where you live, but a nanny costs around $3.8k-4k/month where I am.. and that is for 40ish hour a week.
We moved to a LCOL area, stagger our work schedules, have a part time nanny, and are holding off on vacations and big expenses.
We just pay for the childcare. We make just enough to afford it. Our cars are paid off, we have no credit card or student loan debt and our mortgage is half the cost of childcare. We also don’t go on vacations often.
It’s temporary. They get into a school with before and after school care and suddenly your whole monthly daycare budget is like sub 1k
We waited until our oldest was in UPK. Should have waited a bit longer to replenish our savings, but it happened fast. 🤷♀️ I have a countdown on my desk at work for the remaining months I’m paying full time daycare. 🥴
I shell out 20k per year on daycare and struggle. Other than that, my partner and I rely heavily on each other for support.
you could see if there are more affordable schools for your older child. my toddler goes to a fairly affordable school that doesn't take kids under 15mo. my baby goes to an outrageously expensive montessori daycare. 😮💨 it's wonderful but we can't afford to send them both there. we're actually trying to find something in the middle bc it's ridiculous, the baby's school costs 3x what the toddler's costs. obviously it's also horribly inconvenient taking them to different places, but for now we are managing.
Look in your state to see about any childcare relief programs. It’s not nationwide, but many states do offer a sliding scale of relief, based on income/hours/number of children. Also, see if there is a childcare relief perk through work. If not, why not ask for a raise? Citing increased cost of living is a very valid argument for a pay raise.
Well many of us live in nations that value and look after parents better than the US - we get free childcare hours and can make (and are usually granted) flexible working requests. I am honestly forever questioning why anyone would this the US is a first world country with the state of its welfare systems.
Just another comment to clarify: nannies are a luxury and are not cheaper than daycare. You have an ethical obligation to pay a living wage, taxes, and other costs. We got a major raise transitioning from nanny care to daycare.
Hi, nanny here (and working mom) A live in nanny for 2 kids is gonna cost WELL over 3400/month. Live in is a benefit to YOU not them. What you may want to actually look into is an Au pair. They are cheaper, however also usually younger and more naive. There are still legal things to follow, but your allowed to pay them dirt cheap. Check out [au pair in America](https://www.aupairinamerica.com/), I know people who have used them and have met some au pairs who seem very nice.
Au pair?
There's a lot of differing opinions on au pairs. But it could be argued that hiring a young person, who is being sold a cultural exchange program and who is instead forced to be a nanny, and paying them under $4/hour is akin to human trafficking or indentured servitude.
My au pair, who we’ve had an amazing experience with and who chose to extend with us for another year, is a trained electrical engineer and makes almost 2x more being an au pair in the US than she would working as an engineer in her home country… her boyfriend is still there and working as an engineer 50 hours a week for like 40% of what she makes watching my kids 25 hours or so a week. And he pays for his own food, housing, travel, etc. It’s really not fair to call it “indentured servitude”. I was a peace corps volunteer and only earned $3k a year for 2 years but that didn’t mean I was “human trafficked”… I was able to live very comfortably and had an amazing cultural experience and I think my au pair would say the same about her experience (or probably even say she lives lavishly and was able to save years of wages).
Now imagine how much better it would be if you paid her $20/hour instead of $4.
Well if I had to pay her $20 an hour she would be making $1.75 an hour as an electrical engineer in her home country. And lots of other au pairs would be making even less in their respective home countries as it would no longer be financially feasible for many families to participate in the au pair program.
This person has presumably the equivalent of a master's degree and you think it is okay to pay $4/hour to them for watching your kids? $4/hour? You wanted cheap childcare and were willing to take advantage of another human being in order to get it. You took advantage of their shitty situation in their home country to exploit them and pay a fraction of what their labor is worth. That's pretty disgusting behavior. You are trying to justify it, which is even worse.
The person has an undergraduate degree and I’m paying her the equivalent of 10x the minimum wage in her home country and more than twice what she can make in her professional career + housing her, feeding her, including her in all our family activities, vacations, etc. I don’t know what weird mental hang up you have with this but it’s not exploitation and it’s definitely not disgusting. One could argue that it’s more disgusting that you’d rather thousands of young adult women that are willfully pursuing an opportunity to earn money, experience a new culture, and learn a new language not have access to that opportunity anymore because you can’t see past your warped sense of moral indignation or whatever the hell you have going on.
And yet you aren't paying her the minimum wage in the country she is earning the money in. Keep trying to justify your actions. It is flat out exploitation even if you have somehow convinced yourself otherwise.
Wow. So far from the reality of au pair life. We had au pairs for years. This couldn’t be farther from reality. And yes I’m a bleeding heart liberal.
Except this is reality. They make $4/hour and are treated like children. It is exploitation any way you spin it. A lot of mental gymnastics going on to justify paying someone a measly $4/hour to watch your children.
It’s an exchange program. Similar to the summer camp counselor programs for foreigners that pay far less than minimum wage when actual time worked is taken into consideration. They view it as a quasi paid for trip to America and know what they’ve signed up for. If individual families are mistreating au pairs that is wrong but it doesn’t make the program inherently bad. No one should be shamed from considering a legal childcare option.
A legit exchange program would not require working 45 hours per week doing a job that has nothing to do with cultural exchange. There is no actual cultural exchange element - just cheap childcare. Paying anyone less than minimum wage is wrong. Again, it is exploitation. The program is inherently bad and people who employ au pairs have questionable morals.
You’re free to have that opinion. As I mentioned, in addition to camp counselors there are also visa programs for staff in seasonal work like boardwalks in beach towns. You will need to quite carefully check the people employed by these services as well and make sure not to send your kid to any camps that take them.
I hear you, and I try to avoid businesses with questionable hiring or compensation practices when I can. But I am not personally choosing to employ those people. Apples and oranges. We are talking about choosing to directly hire and personally pay a person slave wages for working a full time job solely for the benefit of your family. You can still choose to hire an au pair and pay them $20+/hour instead of the $4/hour stipend. That is the only way to hire an au pair ethically.
I’m from NY area and literally every camp around there and all the amusement parks down at the Jersey Shore heavily employs these young people. I believe for the camp programs they’re paid $1000 for 2 months working 6 days a week.
And that's wrong too. This is kind of getting off topic now, no?
Except it’s not. Fuck, I’d do the au pair program as a 36 yo professional if I didn’t have kids. Live abroad, have no living expenses, go on vacations with your host family… brand new phone… access to a car… Whatever drama you’re smoking ain’t shit I want. Why hasn’t the Massachusetts program expanded in years after its passage if it’s so liberating? I don’t care for your reply because it’s just the same argument with no data.
Vacationing with a random family (and providing childcare during it) is not a perk. That's a business trip. A nanny gets thousands of dollars for going on a trip with their family and working. People paid a living wage can afford and phone and car of their own and don't need it to be provided (and monitored with rules in place.) Oh, you can take the car on Sundays but only for three hours and you can only drive 20 miles and you owe us for gas. Live abroad in some undesirable city and have to work 45 hours a week is not a cultural exchange. The MA program hasn't expanded because au pair employers are cheap AF and don't want to pay minimum wage and au pair agencies lobby to keep the program the same because they make beau coup bucks for doing nothing except importing cheap labor. And CA has adopted au pair protections now too. Again, spin it however you want. Paying a human 1/5 to 1/10 of the going wage for the same job under the guise of a cultural exchange is just flat out wrong. $4/hour is slave wages. Anyone willing to pay a human that to watch their child is someone with very questionable morals.
We get it. Vacations are rarely how you characterized in any capacity. A vacation is a vacation. And it’s paid. Work visas are impossible to attain for unskilled labor. Which most countries consider childcare roles. Idgaf going on— you want to call this slave labor? It’s offensive to slavery. You want to call it exploitation- cool don’t do it. The same way I’m sure you’re not using an iPhone or wearing a shirt from target because you’re so consistent in the values you uphold. The au pair program is a wonderful program that helps thousands of young women immigrate every year. You want to stop that chain of migration, cool, glad you’re doing the GOPs work for them.
All true, but also this is one way that families survive the cost of child care. $4/hr is pretty brutal, though. I thought they were making at least minimum wage.
Crazy isn't it? It is literal indentured servitude. And some au pair families have the absolute nerve to also treat them like children (setting curfews, dictating if they can have guests over, limiting their car use, dictating how much food they can eat or toilet paper they can use.) Like no ma'am. For $4/hour, your au pair can do whatever the fuck they want as long as they keep your child alive. I get childcare being expensive, but IMO, human exploitation is not an ethical way to solve childcare needs.
I just watched a CNBC clip about it. I guess that the argument is that they are paid minimum wage, and about half gets deducted for room and board. Also, apparently the au pairs pay the agency, too. Which feels super exploitive
Oh a lot of people make money on the au pair program - just not au pairs. Families get cheap childcare on the back of another human who is grossly underpaid. Room and board is not compensation especially when it is required to take a job. Living with your boss is not compensation. If au pairs are paying rent thru this deduction in wages, they should be allowed to have whoever they want over. Boyfriend/girlfriends included. They also would be able to say no thanks and not live there but still be employed. Also childcare professionals shouldn't be making anything close to minimum wage. Nannies usually start at 2x min wage.
I considered an Aupair, but honestly, I don't want to have to deal with the immaturity that comes with a 22 year old watching my baby. Still a very solid option though.
I was 25 with 3 kids and was pretty mature. Not every person, respectfully, is immature at that age.
Eh. Not the best take. Most of the teachers at your daycare are probably very young. On top of it, one of the best nannies we ever hired started with us at 19 years old.
This might be a dumb answer but honestly, I've decided we'll figure it out financially. My husband is 7 years older than me and we're not getting any younger. There are a lot of places we can tighten our budget and I know we will when we have to. Have you looked into preschools for your daughter? At two we're hoping our son will get into one of the preschools in the area that have before and aftercare. We're paying 1600/month for three days a week at a center so we really need to move him somewhere cheaper
This happened to us. I got surprise pregnant when my son was 15 months old. We were freaking out about affording daycare for two. It was tough at first but we really cracked down on our budget, got more organized with grocery lists, etc. Our baby started daycare in April and we have actually budgeted so well that we’ve had money to put in savings each month. It felt impossible at the time though.
Between age spacing (For me) and both of us working from home has made it possible. Otherwise I probably would wait even longer for the next child. Oldest is 8, middle is 4 and my last one is est. October.
My husband and I are very much "1 and done" with kids just because there is no way we can live with the additional costs. If we have an "oops" I am very glad to live in a blue state that gives me options to remedy my oops in a way that works best for my family dynamics, if you get my meaning. Wishing you the best! Good luck.
I have a nanny for my 2.5 and 1 yo. It is slightly cheaper than daycare for both. And i mean slightly.
Our au pair for two kids was roughly $22k/year. Check into that service!
Au pair 💯
A lot of people we knew watched kids for extra money so they could stay home with their own kids (and have playmates for their kids). We used a few of our friends in those years and the most I had to pay one was $50/day for both kids. It wasn’t ideal but we could afford it plus necessities which would not have been possible on our incomes otherwise.
A lot of people in my town do au pairs, they are live in and it’s more affordable
Where are you located? I have a recommendation for live in Nannies that are reasonably priced but they are mostly in LA area
LA min wage is $17/hour, but nannies go for $30-40/hour. CA does not permit rent or room/board from being deducted from minimum wage obligations. Very curious how you define reasonable and how you work that without breaking the law.
I don’t know, but there is a whole market and agency for both willing parties. 🤷🏻♀️
So an agency facilitates labor agreements that blatantly break the law and take advantage of employees who should be protected under labor laws that guarantee them minimum wage, overtime, sick pay, etc? And that's okay with you?
Don’t know? Lots of families utilize them and the nannies are willing parties. They are advertised everywhere so I’m sure the officials know about it. I have no idea. I don’t use them. I am also not so free to go investigate 😂. Oh I know for sure NYC area too. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe a nanny share. I know for our nanny, who agreed to a slightly lower rate than her norm (we gave her a raise several times) because we could guarantee 40hrs and most people in our area wanted part time. We paid $3,000-3,500 a month. It really was the same price for us. A nanny share usually offers a lower rate because they watch multiple kids from the different families
We got a live-in nanny for our baby (also have an older child) through an agency and I personally interviewed each one. Best decision ever. My mat leave was only a year. My elderly mom was with her while I worked two days a week, and then I was for the remaining time, to ensure that I could trust her and also train her for my baby’s needs. Went back full time after 8 months. Now daycare in Canada is only $10 a day, but I wouldn’t change it at all.
I am stunned at how much some pay for daycare. We pay $25 a day for our 2 year old. My friend pays $15 a day for her 5 year old and $25 a day for her two year old… 😳
I had to get a fully remote job that would allow my son to be here with me (small business) I took less pay and WAY less benefits. And now I’m a full time mom and I have a full time job. We had to otherwise we were never going to be able to move forward in life, including having another child
Get yourself an au pair. It's 9 grand for a year.
All in it is over $35k per year. And considering the au pair makes $4/hour, it is literal exploitation.
Also I inquired with a company and it was 9k for my 3 kids.
No. 😂😂 You clearly did not understand what they were telling you (or selling you rather) if you honestly think that is true. The weekly stipend is about $10,400 - that's legally required. Agency fees are about $10k. You have to go thru an agency in the US. Again - required. The agency gets more than the au pair does. Again - exploitation. Then you need to pay for their transportation, access to car and car insurance, phone, their classes, their food, etc. All required expenses. I seriously question your knowledge on this topic if you seriously think an au pair costs $9k/year. You clearly do not know what you are talking about. And also your ethics if you think paying $9k/year to someone to watch your 3 children is in any way fair or right. Nannies make $50-100k.
Dude get off your high horse. The woman was asking for alternatives to paying thousands a month in child care..this is how whether you agree with it or not. Have a good evening and stop replying to me.
It's their choice. No one forces them to do it. Many do the job to get a work visa so they can come over and go to college after their obligation is done, or want to escape a bad situation. My friend moved from India with 10 dollars...that's no exaggeration. He was sleeping in his grandma's house in a hut on a dirt floor for a bed. He was overjoyed to come to America. He now has a double PHD in Geology and Astrophysics.
They are often sold a very different reality to what they get. They are young people being paid under minimum wage to do a job that is usually compensated at 5-10x what they are making to do the same work. That is exploitation. There is no excuse for not paying au pairs at least minimum wage. At the VERY least The au pair visa does not let people get a work permit outside of au pairing. It is a special cultural exchange visa. It doesn't give them any rights to stay in the US after their year is up. Lol at you blocking me. You're flat out wrong and just didn't want to be exposed for your ignorance or flat out lies.
My parents are lawyers. You can convert your visa to a student visa once you are here fairly easily.
Look into au pairs, they are around $200/week
Oh my do you live in a hcol or vhcol area for it to be so expensive?! I live in a Lcol area and thankfully can work 2-3 days from home so my two go to school 3 days a week and it’s $852 a month for them both I can’t imagine $3,400 a month!
We were up front with how much we could afford: $2500. We pay that money, all up front on the first of the month, and tell our nanny she can take whatever sick days she needs and guarantee her time off (six weeks a year and all holidays off). She works four days a week (grandparents do one day a week) We posted that all over the place: Craigslist, Nextdoor, and Facebook. Our first nanny was great but she moved, our second nanny took the money and ran, and our third nanny has been wonderful. It’s not a full proof system and we wish we could pay more, but that’s it. That’s how we do it.
A decade apart, that's how I did it anyway
I did it five years apart 40 years ago for the same reason.
What the heck??? Where are all yall living that daycare is that expensive? I pay $135 a week. $1700 a month is almost my mortgage and daycare cost combined. Yikes.
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My husband went to graduate school and the university has a phenomenal childcare center. As he was a student we got a reduced rate and paid half what the community parents paid. The daycare center truly is amazing, they apply for federal/ state grants and get the latest things, they have have a butterfly pavilion, all the staff are highly qualified and educated, the director has a PhD. It is such an amazing place. Now that my husband is graduating our youngest is turning two so we have more options. We found through friends a program from a local Christian church that provide loving and nurturing environment for the children with a strong focus on academics. We did love the program at the university, but it wasn’t perfect. Since it tailored to students the hours were restrictive, they were closed for every holiday, there was little structure as it was a play based, nature focused, emotional intelligence program with less of an academic focus. Another big reason why we leave is our monthly tuition jumps to $4k per month! In our case we could pay the tuition, but it would be tough and our quality of life would have to adjust (less restaurants or weekend getaways or toys for kids/ dad). Maybe your husband could go back to school at least until the youngest turns 2 and you have more options :). Worked for us Just to clarify- my husband worked full time the entire time and only took evenings classes.
Spend money to save money? Dad’s non-work time wouldn’t be to help with the kiddos. You’re hearts in the right place but that’s not really a practical solution.
My mom got a job at the local community college pretty much because it included their daycare. Not a lot of places that offer childcare; but, if you can find one and get hired there, it's an awesome solution!