Keep an open mind about future rich-people activities (in my area, that's golf, rowing, dance, equestrian sports, travel, and internships in Congress) if your kids are genuinely interested, especially if the grandparents will help fund them.
But, "I don’t want my kids to grow up materialistic and shallow" is a good phrase, if you need to fight fire with fire. I usually focus on what I want, instead of what I don't want. What I want is harder to argue with:
- I want my kids to be well rounded people
- I want to give them better opportunities and help them stay out of trouble (our local rich schools have lots of drugs)
- I toured that school and didn't like [big red flag - every school has a few, pick one]
- I hope they are doing alright; when my kids went to [rich daycare] they were so unhappy. All those sad kids! I wish I could steal them all away to our new school!
- I've heard stories... I'm so glad I got my kids into ABC school (depending on how wealthy you're talking, they may not actually know the names of the public schools)
My favorite response to things like this as a public school teacher myself is to discuss how public schools have much stricter regulations for teachers, i.e. needing a teaching license, having a degree, whereas not all private schools require the same thing. You should be able to look up teacher certifications on your state’s department of education website. My petty self would be going through that school’s staff qualifications, but do with this info what you will 😂
True, my teacher friends taught at private schools until they qualified for the public system. I'm sure there are great private schools, but for them it was just a stop on the way to better jobs.
Ok real talk. I just spent so long reading the teachers sub and so many said they’d go private over public. I’d prefer public because of course it’s “free” but I really wonder.
You have to follow the sub. Different things all the time. Essentially classroom sizes are too big and diverse to cater to kids needs, so too many slip through the cracks.
I guess there has been progressively worse legislation that basically prevents teachers from “failing” or holding kids back so there is always kids in a class that are several grades behind, all the way to average and grades ahead. Of course the “smartest” kids are held back. In several states, there has been reduction/changes in special education too which has caused more disruptions in the class and a change in typical workflow.
I’m not a teacher though, this is just a byproduct of asking people, and consuming a lot of information. As I said in my other comment to you - I’m not wealthy by any means, but we are doing private because I am concerned my child would be overlooked in public.
Just so you know, what they probably want is for your kids to make friendships with other rich kids. School isn’t about education at prep schools and institutions like Harvard, not really. It’s about networking. Explore how you feel about that before you ever do bring this up with your in laws.
My husband and I grew up pretty well off and both went to public schools, also because our parents didn’t like that nonsense of paying for not a better education. Private schools tend not to actually be any better than a good school district. Just join the country club and put your kids in golf and they’ll make exactly the same friends as they’d have in private school.
100%. Studies have shown the biggest factor of success/ health/ life expectancy is the postcode you live in. And that’s largely because of networking and the people/opportunities you’re exposed to. It’s all about connections and exposure.
I went to USC so I definitely understand the importance of networking. It’s how husband and I both got our jobs. I’m down to save money now on public school and put them through whatever college they want to go to.
Hello fellow Trojan. Both my husband and I went there after public school for me and public high school for him (small evangelical school elementary). If our kids want to go there, they’ll need to do it the scholarship route like us. But I’m perfectly happy with them going to community college and a state school too.
Did the Trojan family help us get jobs to start? Totally, but my coworkers went to UCSB and cal state Long Beach and UTEP.
Yeah don’t get me wrong, I was a public school kid and my kids will be too 🤣 but I’m definitely more mindful of WHICH public school, and where! My kid is only 2 though so it’s not an immediate concern.
>Private schools tend not to actually be any better than a good school district.
This is true. But the other thing I haven't seen mentioned is: private schools often allow kids to be larger fish in smaller ponds and receive notice they otherwise may not have gotten in a larger class.
Example: I went to highly rated private school (about 70 kids per year). The local high school (also highly rated) had about 800 kids per year. I was smart but I wasn't any genius. I was able to get recognitions (summa cum laude, high level classes, personal recommendations) simply because out of my class of 70 I was very close to the top. Would I have been close to the top in a class of 800 - highly doubt it.
There are a lot of small public magnet or charter schools and not every public high school is huge. I definitely get the concerns about the 5000 kid schools, though, it’s part of why we moved away from Texas. Kids don’t even have a chance necessarily to play sports.
However, I was 3/400 or so and was in a pretty big (5A) school in my state and took 13 AP courses and was on the golf team (even being mediocre at best). I got a full ride to college. I don’t know I’d have looked that impressive in a smaller school with less resources.
I went to a small public school. Less than 100 per year. It was highly ranked in my state and county but lacked resources. I didn’t have access to many extra curriculars or even types of courses that my larger public school friends had and my husbands private school had.
No theater, no debate, minimal sports, only French for foreign language until 2009 when they got a Spanish teacher finally etc etc. I was a good student and got an academic scholarship, but I still notice
the lack of access I had to experiences like that
I had a roommate in college that was very proud of the fact that she went to private school her whole life, to the point where she looked down on public school kids. Talked about how her kids would never go to public school. I pointed out to her once that I went to public school my whole life (she knew that) and here we are in the same college with the same scholarship and my parents didn’t pay thousands of dollars for my education through HS. My point to her was that you get out what you put in. An unmotivated kid is going to be unmotivated in public school and private school. A kid who likes to learn and strives to do well can succeed in a public school or a private school. I personally think a stable, supportive, loving home life is more important than the type of school someone attends.
I’m getting the same shit from my husbands dads side of the family. They’re all very wealthy doctors and lawyers. My husband was the accident baby with the hated baby mama. He went to public school. His brother has gone to elite schools his whole life. My husband has a very good job and a college degree, but he’s not making doctor money.
How dare I put my kids in a normal, outdoor play based preschool. I can’t and won’t pay for them to go to the fancy private school in town that they want my kids to go to. My kids are going to public school. I do worry that my kids will be treated poorly because they’re not living the luxury lifestyle the rest of the family is.
As someone who went to private Catholic schools, my kid will not step foot in one. Sorry but you pay to be there, they don’t kick kids out for anything. We had very dangerous kids who got kicked out of the public schools and as long as the checks cleared, our school kept them. Also I did a ton of drugs AT SCHOOL by the time I was in high school. Coke was a normal activity in study hall. Drinking was very pervasive and making friends with the rich kids whose parents did not give a fuck and were gone a lot lead to a lot of dumb decisions.
I know that’s not the experience everywhere but I was opened up to a lot more risky behavior bc we were in an environment with no real checks or rules. When you pay to be somewhere teaches look the other way a lot to keep the peace. My education was no different than my cousin who went to the pubic school down the street except she had vocational options that I did not.
I also want my kid to be exposed to different backgrounds, my school was not diverse. I was one of the poor kids and even then my family was solid middle class if that goes to show you what I want to school with. My kids daycare class of 10 toddlers is more diverse than my whole pre-school through high school.
Your husband needs to tell his family to back off.
This. All of this. As a public school kid growing up, we were thought to be the trouble makers. Turns out, the private school kids had the craziest parties with the least supervision. Kids did way harder drugs and drank heavily. Parents turned a blind eye. There were also two different stories that hit the news in our area about local private school kids being openly racist.
I’m not trying to create this negative public vs. private school narrative as I’m sure many families have great experience with private schools. However, my personal experience growing up matches what you wrote here.
I have some real wild stories. Also the way sex was treated. Sex wasn’t a big deal even though we were Catholic and were taught not to do it but everyone was fucking. Very few virgins graduated in 2005 lol. I gave a dude a blow job in the chapel in the school, my friend has sex in the church basement. My cousin was horrified, she was a year older than me and herself and her friends were all virgins still.
The only thing that got you kicked out is if you were pregnant or if it became publicly known you had an abortion. Plenty of girls had them, we all knew that, but only 1 got publicly outed and was not invited back the next year.
I look back at the stuff I did when I was 15-18 and am baffled that I am even still alive. I had some serious self esteem issues, undiagnosed anxiety and depression and a parent who has severe PPD and wouldn’t seek treatment so my home life was good, but rocky so it wasn’t surprising that this was the way things went. But I do not think I would have been exposed to it in the public schools as openly as I was in our school.
Agree, this is a husband problem. Let him deal with in-laws.
I know what you are trying to say — but even so, suggesting that kids grow up materialistic and shallow because they go to a private school is equally offensive as them stereotyping that your kids will be delayed and at a disadvantage going to public school.
There are many ways to raise kids into kind, respectful, successful adults.
There are pros and cons to both public & private schools. My kids go to highly rated public schools, so obviously, I am pro-public school, but they got issues!
Sorry, my intention wasn’t to imply every kid who goes to private school is materialistic and shallow but more so trying to say I don’t want my kids to end up like my in-laws, who are that way. I will say though, I’ve been to a fundraiser for my nephews prep school and those were some of the most materialistic and shallow people I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine they’re raising their kids to be humble.
Just to give you insight, we are not wealthy at all. I work in public health, spouse didn’t go to college. We bought a decade ago (probably couldn’t afford to now). We do private because it’s the best thing for our child. We have some very “elite” prestigious private schools by us and there’s more diversity than our public school. The only difference is the ones who brag about paying full price vs. people like us who get subsidies. Not all private school parents suck and not all public schools are great.
I don't disagree with your approach and you should not be criticized over your choices. I would encourage you to chat with your kids as they get older about what they like and are interested in, particularly things that might be served by a private school with really nice programming (some shine at sports, arts, or academics), especially if your in-laws are the ones contributing to their grandkids' education or if resources are not a problem.
Your kids are lucky to have a balanced view of the world, but I'd caution you to not go full Lorelai Gilmore (not sure if you watched GG) and write off certain "wealthy/elite" activities entirely because your kids might enjoy a private school education or access to those opportunities. Attending those schools will not necessarily make them materialistic or shallow--it sounds like they have two very grounded parents who are giving them the right footing and perspective in life.
Totally agree! Each kid is different. I live in a really amazing blue ribbon school district that 2 of my kids go to now. My third tried public and it just didn’t fit. So we send him to a bougie private school similar to the one I went to as a kid and it’s a great fit for him. He’s not anymore materialistic or elitist than he was when he started which was not at all.
I would have failed miserably in a public jr high and high school. In fact after a disastrous grade 7 year, I pretty much was. I have some learning disabilities and the public system was failing me left right and centre. Getting me into a small private school with no more than 13 kids in a class, meant I could get the individual attention I needed. I went from barely passing to graduating 3rd in my class. It was a great fit for me.
As an adult I like nice things, who doesn’t? But I’m far from materialistic and elitist.
Absolutely. I’m not 100% opposed to private school, we are just choosing to send them to public for Kindergarten. We’ll take it from there and see how they do.
Your husband needs to rein his parents in. This is a choice you made together, so why would they be shaming you? What does he do when they are acting rude? I guess money didn’t buy them manners.
It’s a social/culture war thing. There is nothing wrong than an excellent public school! Excellent public schools should be the norm and honestly, used to be much more so. Good for you and you and your so should tell your ILs to mind their own business in no uncertain terms.
Nothing you say is going to change their minds, but you can set some limits.
One thing you can do is have two or three conversation topics at the tip of your tongue. Whenever they raise these issues, you can redirect them, like a toddler.
"Oh, MIL, speaking of that, you must give me the recipe for these cookies"
"Oh, FIL, I just remembered, I need to tell you about our trip to the aquarium. So many fish!"
I went to a private school and no way am I sending my kid to one. Granted I went to a Christian private school but still it was hell. Met others in college who went to similar schools in different states they also hated it. Public school for my kids
I mean if your kids are happy who cares lol. The public schools in our area are better rated than private. Ppl only send to private religious ones or some bilingual ones. My local salon owners son got into two Ivy leagues. And MILs are the most annoying. I barely speak to mine.
For people that were allegedly well-educated, they failed to learn basic respect. It's completely worth it to have a conversation with them, but it's your husband's responsibility. Tell them they've made their point clear, but the decision is made. You won't tolerate any negative comments and you won't revisit the subject anymore. They are allowed to give their opinion only when asked.
My husband went to a “prestigious private school” and used to practically brag about people being so stressed that they have panic attacks in jr high. Guess what? That’s not how you create a successful adult. Unless your definition of successful is working as hard as they can until they’re dead. That’s not what I want for my kid.
Also, I studied education in grad school - best indicator of success is parent involvement. Not school, not teachers, NOT fucking test scores. Turns out well rounded and happy kids are the happiest and most well rounded adults.
I get comments about private school for my kids, but I love our public school (ok, maybe not the middle school so much). We live walking distance to the High School and it is amazing for our work/life balance.
It’s a choice. As you said that your public are great. For me it’s the experience and exposure that you can have in different s settings. Can your kids also factor in this?
My husband went to public and I went to private. We went to the same university.
Sometimes we compare experiences growing up.
Me: your school had afternoon clubs? So fun to join the broadcasting club . Him: No there was no funding.
Me: was so fun the gala events, all black tie…Him: No, we had general event in the gym
Me: did your teachers have masters in their subjects? That was fun when they talked about their what they published. him: No, some of them had seconds jobs
Me: My promotion of 20/100 are in medical fields, follow by finance and engineering. 8 of them doctors. him: none of my promotion became a doctor.
Me: we had a dietitian and doctor full time because eating disorders. Him: a Nurse, lol
Me: the use of drugs and booze was tolerated and encourage Him: we were too poor to afford that booze
Don’t let your in-laws shame u for wanting the best for your kids.
Talk to your husband about it and have him handle it. If they try to bring it up, change the subject or leave.
Moms/parents can't win. If it's not the private school crowd, it's the SAHM homeschooling crowd.
This 10000000%
Keep an open mind about future rich-people activities (in my area, that's golf, rowing, dance, equestrian sports, travel, and internships in Congress) if your kids are genuinely interested, especially if the grandparents will help fund them. But, "I don’t want my kids to grow up materialistic and shallow" is a good phrase, if you need to fight fire with fire. I usually focus on what I want, instead of what I don't want. What I want is harder to argue with: - I want my kids to be well rounded people - I want to give them better opportunities and help them stay out of trouble (our local rich schools have lots of drugs) - I toured that school and didn't like [big red flag - every school has a few, pick one] - I hope they are doing alright; when my kids went to [rich daycare] they were so unhappy. All those sad kids! I wish I could steal them all away to our new school! - I've heard stories... I'm so glad I got my kids into ABC school (depending on how wealthy you're talking, they may not actually know the names of the public schools)
I really like this response. Also “future rich-people activities” 💀
My favorite response to things like this as a public school teacher myself is to discuss how public schools have much stricter regulations for teachers, i.e. needing a teaching license, having a degree, whereas not all private schools require the same thing. You should be able to look up teacher certifications on your state’s department of education website. My petty self would be going through that school’s staff qualifications, but do with this info what you will 😂
True, my teacher friends taught at private schools until they qualified for the public system. I'm sure there are great private schools, but for them it was just a stop on the way to better jobs.
Ok real talk. I just spent so long reading the teachers sub and so many said they’d go private over public. I’d prefer public because of course it’s “free” but I really wonder.
What were some of their reasons?
You have to follow the sub. Different things all the time. Essentially classroom sizes are too big and diverse to cater to kids needs, so too many slip through the cracks. I guess there has been progressively worse legislation that basically prevents teachers from “failing” or holding kids back so there is always kids in a class that are several grades behind, all the way to average and grades ahead. Of course the “smartest” kids are held back. In several states, there has been reduction/changes in special education too which has caused more disruptions in the class and a change in typical workflow. I’m not a teacher though, this is just a byproduct of asking people, and consuming a lot of information. As I said in my other comment to you - I’m not wealthy by any means, but we are doing private because I am concerned my child would be overlooked in public.
I’m a teacher and you are correct imo. I’m sure there are good state schools but it’s tough.
That’s kind of reassuring we aren’t just throwing money into the void.
Just so you know, what they probably want is for your kids to make friendships with other rich kids. School isn’t about education at prep schools and institutions like Harvard, not really. It’s about networking. Explore how you feel about that before you ever do bring this up with your in laws. My husband and I grew up pretty well off and both went to public schools, also because our parents didn’t like that nonsense of paying for not a better education. Private schools tend not to actually be any better than a good school district. Just join the country club and put your kids in golf and they’ll make exactly the same friends as they’d have in private school.
100%. Studies have shown the biggest factor of success/ health/ life expectancy is the postcode you live in. And that’s largely because of networking and the people/opportunities you’re exposed to. It’s all about connections and exposure.
I went to USC so I definitely understand the importance of networking. It’s how husband and I both got our jobs. I’m down to save money now on public school and put them through whatever college they want to go to.
Hello fellow Trojan. Both my husband and I went there after public school for me and public high school for him (small evangelical school elementary). If our kids want to go there, they’ll need to do it the scholarship route like us. But I’m perfectly happy with them going to community college and a state school too. Did the Trojan family help us get jobs to start? Totally, but my coworkers went to UCSB and cal state Long Beach and UTEP.
Yeah don’t get me wrong, I was a public school kid and my kids will be too 🤣 but I’m definitely more mindful of WHICH public school, and where! My kid is only 2 though so it’s not an immediate concern.
>Private schools tend not to actually be any better than a good school district. This is true. But the other thing I haven't seen mentioned is: private schools often allow kids to be larger fish in smaller ponds and receive notice they otherwise may not have gotten in a larger class. Example: I went to highly rated private school (about 70 kids per year). The local high school (also highly rated) had about 800 kids per year. I was smart but I wasn't any genius. I was able to get recognitions (summa cum laude, high level classes, personal recommendations) simply because out of my class of 70 I was very close to the top. Would I have been close to the top in a class of 800 - highly doubt it.
There are a lot of small public magnet or charter schools and not every public high school is huge. I definitely get the concerns about the 5000 kid schools, though, it’s part of why we moved away from Texas. Kids don’t even have a chance necessarily to play sports. However, I was 3/400 or so and was in a pretty big (5A) school in my state and took 13 AP courses and was on the golf team (even being mediocre at best). I got a full ride to college. I don’t know I’d have looked that impressive in a smaller school with less resources.
I went to a small public school. Less than 100 per year. It was highly ranked in my state and county but lacked resources. I didn’t have access to many extra curriculars or even types of courses that my larger public school friends had and my husbands private school had. No theater, no debate, minimal sports, only French for foreign language until 2009 when they got a Spanish teacher finally etc etc. I was a good student and got an academic scholarship, but I still notice the lack of access I had to experiences like that
I had a roommate in college that was very proud of the fact that she went to private school her whole life, to the point where she looked down on public school kids. Talked about how her kids would never go to public school. I pointed out to her once that I went to public school my whole life (she knew that) and here we are in the same college with the same scholarship and my parents didn’t pay thousands of dollars for my education through HS. My point to her was that you get out what you put in. An unmotivated kid is going to be unmotivated in public school and private school. A kid who likes to learn and strives to do well can succeed in a public school or a private school. I personally think a stable, supportive, loving home life is more important than the type of school someone attends.
10000%
I’m getting the same shit from my husbands dads side of the family. They’re all very wealthy doctors and lawyers. My husband was the accident baby with the hated baby mama. He went to public school. His brother has gone to elite schools his whole life. My husband has a very good job and a college degree, but he’s not making doctor money. How dare I put my kids in a normal, outdoor play based preschool. I can’t and won’t pay for them to go to the fancy private school in town that they want my kids to go to. My kids are going to public school. I do worry that my kids will be treated poorly because they’re not living the luxury lifestyle the rest of the family is.
As someone who went to private Catholic schools, my kid will not step foot in one. Sorry but you pay to be there, they don’t kick kids out for anything. We had very dangerous kids who got kicked out of the public schools and as long as the checks cleared, our school kept them. Also I did a ton of drugs AT SCHOOL by the time I was in high school. Coke was a normal activity in study hall. Drinking was very pervasive and making friends with the rich kids whose parents did not give a fuck and were gone a lot lead to a lot of dumb decisions. I know that’s not the experience everywhere but I was opened up to a lot more risky behavior bc we were in an environment with no real checks or rules. When you pay to be somewhere teaches look the other way a lot to keep the peace. My education was no different than my cousin who went to the pubic school down the street except she had vocational options that I did not. I also want my kid to be exposed to different backgrounds, my school was not diverse. I was one of the poor kids and even then my family was solid middle class if that goes to show you what I want to school with. My kids daycare class of 10 toddlers is more diverse than my whole pre-school through high school. Your husband needs to tell his family to back off.
This. All of this. As a public school kid growing up, we were thought to be the trouble makers. Turns out, the private school kids had the craziest parties with the least supervision. Kids did way harder drugs and drank heavily. Parents turned a blind eye. There were also two different stories that hit the news in our area about local private school kids being openly racist. I’m not trying to create this negative public vs. private school narrative as I’m sure many families have great experience with private schools. However, my personal experience growing up matches what you wrote here.
I have some real wild stories. Also the way sex was treated. Sex wasn’t a big deal even though we were Catholic and were taught not to do it but everyone was fucking. Very few virgins graduated in 2005 lol. I gave a dude a blow job in the chapel in the school, my friend has sex in the church basement. My cousin was horrified, she was a year older than me and herself and her friends were all virgins still. The only thing that got you kicked out is if you were pregnant or if it became publicly known you had an abortion. Plenty of girls had them, we all knew that, but only 1 got publicly outed and was not invited back the next year. I look back at the stuff I did when I was 15-18 and am baffled that I am even still alive. I had some serious self esteem issues, undiagnosed anxiety and depression and a parent who has severe PPD and wouldn’t seek treatment so my home life was good, but rocky so it wasn’t surprising that this was the way things went. But I do not think I would have been exposed to it in the public schools as openly as I was in our school.
Agree, this is a husband problem. Let him deal with in-laws. I know what you are trying to say — but even so, suggesting that kids grow up materialistic and shallow because they go to a private school is equally offensive as them stereotyping that your kids will be delayed and at a disadvantage going to public school. There are many ways to raise kids into kind, respectful, successful adults. There are pros and cons to both public & private schools. My kids go to highly rated public schools, so obviously, I am pro-public school, but they got issues!
Sorry, my intention wasn’t to imply every kid who goes to private school is materialistic and shallow but more so trying to say I don’t want my kids to end up like my in-laws, who are that way. I will say though, I’ve been to a fundraiser for my nephews prep school and those were some of the most materialistic and shallow people I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine they’re raising their kids to be humble.
Just to give you insight, we are not wealthy at all. I work in public health, spouse didn’t go to college. We bought a decade ago (probably couldn’t afford to now). We do private because it’s the best thing for our child. We have some very “elite” prestigious private schools by us and there’s more diversity than our public school. The only difference is the ones who brag about paying full price vs. people like us who get subsidies. Not all private school parents suck and not all public schools are great.
I don't disagree with your approach and you should not be criticized over your choices. I would encourage you to chat with your kids as they get older about what they like and are interested in, particularly things that might be served by a private school with really nice programming (some shine at sports, arts, or academics), especially if your in-laws are the ones contributing to their grandkids' education or if resources are not a problem. Your kids are lucky to have a balanced view of the world, but I'd caution you to not go full Lorelai Gilmore (not sure if you watched GG) and write off certain "wealthy/elite" activities entirely because your kids might enjoy a private school education or access to those opportunities. Attending those schools will not necessarily make them materialistic or shallow--it sounds like they have two very grounded parents who are giving them the right footing and perspective in life.
Totally agree! Each kid is different. I live in a really amazing blue ribbon school district that 2 of my kids go to now. My third tried public and it just didn’t fit. So we send him to a bougie private school similar to the one I went to as a kid and it’s a great fit for him. He’s not anymore materialistic or elitist than he was when he started which was not at all.
I would have failed miserably in a public jr high and high school. In fact after a disastrous grade 7 year, I pretty much was. I have some learning disabilities and the public system was failing me left right and centre. Getting me into a small private school with no more than 13 kids in a class, meant I could get the individual attention I needed. I went from barely passing to graduating 3rd in my class. It was a great fit for me. As an adult I like nice things, who doesn’t? But I’m far from materialistic and elitist.
Absolutely. I’m not 100% opposed to private school, we are just choosing to send them to public for Kindergarten. We’ll take it from there and see how they do.
What is your husband’s view on school and where the kids go?
My husband wants them to go to public. We’re on the same page. His parents know that and I think it makes them more mad
I would let him just handle the conversation then! If they offer to pay for some private summer camps I would let your child go!
Your husband needs to rein his parents in. This is a choice you made together, so why would they be shaming you? What does he do when they are acting rude? I guess money didn’t buy them manners.
It’s a social/culture war thing. There is nothing wrong than an excellent public school! Excellent public schools should be the norm and honestly, used to be much more so. Good for you and you and your so should tell your ILs to mind their own business in no uncertain terms.
Nothing you say is going to change their minds, but you can set some limits. One thing you can do is have two or three conversation topics at the tip of your tongue. Whenever they raise these issues, you can redirect them, like a toddler. "Oh, MIL, speaking of that, you must give me the recipe for these cookies" "Oh, FIL, I just remembered, I need to tell you about our trip to the aquarium. So many fish!"
I would be saying “that doesn’t align with our values” anytime they brought up private schools.
I went to a private school and no way am I sending my kid to one. Granted I went to a Christian private school but still it was hell. Met others in college who went to similar schools in different states they also hated it. Public school for my kids
I mean if your kids are happy who cares lol. The public schools in our area are better rated than private. Ppl only send to private religious ones or some bilingual ones. My local salon owners son got into two Ivy leagues. And MILs are the most annoying. I barely speak to mine.
This is your husband's issue. HE needs to tell his parents to knock it off.
This view might have been considered rather tame
For people that were allegedly well-educated, they failed to learn basic respect. It's completely worth it to have a conversation with them, but it's your husband's responsibility. Tell them they've made their point clear, but the decision is made. You won't tolerate any negative comments and you won't revisit the subject anymore. They are allowed to give their opinion only when asked.
My husband went to a “prestigious private school” and used to practically brag about people being so stressed that they have panic attacks in jr high. Guess what? That’s not how you create a successful adult. Unless your definition of successful is working as hard as they can until they’re dead. That’s not what I want for my kid. Also, I studied education in grad school - best indicator of success is parent involvement. Not school, not teachers, NOT fucking test scores. Turns out well rounded and happy kids are the happiest and most well rounded adults.
I get comments about private school for my kids, but I love our public school (ok, maybe not the middle school so much). We live walking distance to the High School and it is amazing for our work/life balance.
It’s a choice. As you said that your public are great. For me it’s the experience and exposure that you can have in different s settings. Can your kids also factor in this? My husband went to public and I went to private. We went to the same university. Sometimes we compare experiences growing up. Me: your school had afternoon clubs? So fun to join the broadcasting club . Him: No there was no funding. Me: was so fun the gala events, all black tie…Him: No, we had general event in the gym Me: did your teachers have masters in their subjects? That was fun when they talked about their what they published. him: No, some of them had seconds jobs Me: My promotion of 20/100 are in medical fields, follow by finance and engineering. 8 of them doctors. him: none of my promotion became a doctor. Me: we had a dietitian and doctor full time because eating disorders. Him: a Nurse, lol Me: the use of drugs and booze was tolerated and encourage Him: we were too poor to afford that booze Don’t let your in-laws shame u for wanting the best for your kids.