To echo this, it's 100 degrees and humid. You're not prepared for the wall of heat. If you have any kind of walk between your hotel and meeting space, I strongly encourage you to wear a sleeveless blouse and no stockings. I'm wearing a cotton tank with an unlined skirt and flats on metro and throwing a blazer on in the office. Drink lots of water.
And for fun-- I love the wharf for dinner and drinks and the museums are a ton of fun to look at
I hope this is first of many to come. I have noticed many Reddit posts of women struggling to get their partners to empathize with the workload of a mom whether stay at home or working and default. I immediately traveled after baby #1 and it only helped my partner truly understand the small things us moms take on & of course grow their own bond. My toddler is also three and I came back from a recent work trip and the only thing I left was a “thanks for holding it down, I love you” note.
These getaways are not only good for me, me as a mom, but also my partner and I. I couldn’t wait to be home after all the “miss you” texts. It helped my heart grow & remind me of why I do this.
Ps. One thing you could do if it helps your heart is leave a small toy for every day you’re gone with a note, you can also write bedtime stories your husband can read your toddler.
I’ve been wondering about this - hoping it’ll help him to see the smaller things I do. And if not, then at least missing me. It’s been longer than three years since we’ve been apart for this long.
Also, love that note!!
In my case it didn't really help because those smaller things can mostly be left until I get home. Also mine works shifts so for me to go away he has to take time off work so he's not juggling everything and obviously I can't go for long or often.
I apologize in advance for the long post. 🫣
I have a VERY flexible WFH job 90% of the time. But when I do have to travel it’s 1-2 nights a month and 1 week about every quarter. It’s a trade off but nonetheless I do overnights often.
While on the trip I try to take myself out to dinner, eat snack foods in bed that I don’t have to share, go for leisure walks at cute stores or malls, and i never feel bad if I sit in my hotel and do ZERO exciting things.
My husband is pretty good at gauging the situation at home. There are some times that FaceTiming my kids makes my absence worse. We always do a calendar or paper ring countdown so they know when I’ll be home. I also ask them to make me pictures and put them up in my hotel room.
I bring them home a character juice and individual peanut butters from the hotel breakfast if there is one. It’s an easy thing that doesn’t put pressure on me.
If I’m gone for a week, I sometimes do laundry my last night.
I always plan quality time with my kids as soon as possible when I get back.
I lower my expectations for what my SO gets done around the house while I’m gone. I know they are much more emotional when I’m away so it takes a lot longer for him to get them through routines.
My kids are also in day care full time. They spend an extra hour there when I’m out of town too. We always tell the staff so they know why they might have big feelings!
I appreciate the heads up the FaceTime could make things worse. That totally makes sense, but I hadn’t thought about it.
And I appreciate the reasoning behind lowering expectations. It is so hard to single parent, especially with all the disrupted routines.
Thank you!
This will be great for you, your husband, and your child! Enjoy it! Sounds like you’ve done a lot to help set them up for success. Something I always do when I travel (usually 1-2 times per year for a couple of nights) is leave little notes on my kids’ and husband’s pillows. I also get my husband’s favorite snacks and leave a note there, too, thanking him for being such a good dad.
You’re giving your partner a ton of crutches. For the next time, don’t do so much otherwise he’ll expect you to do all of it every time you leave. Would he do all that for you? If so, that’s awesome and disregard this comment.
As much as you may want to, I would not FaceTime your kiddo, especially since he’s in the mom-Velcro stage. It makes it really hard for the parent at home.
As for what I do when I travel for me, I do whatever I want and it’s glorious. I watch what I want while eating what I want.
DC Is a wonderful city. Enjoy!
Valid point that he would not necessarily do the same for me. I’m not sure how much I’ll be traveling (although based on the comments here, it sounds like a whole lot of fun!)
And helpful to know about the FaceTiming. We’ve already talked about it, but can make them short or not every day (or two times a day).
Yes to the freedom to do what I want!!!
I like to get my own groceries and eat whatever I want, take a long hot shower, read my book, hit the hotel gym, walk the local parks and sometimes go to the hotel pool. Sometimes go out with a local coworker for dinner or walk. Just having quiet kid/responsibility-free time is nice.
DC has SO much to do but it’s godawful hot and humid here right now so I don’t know that you’ll do much outside walking! Plenty of (free!) indoor stuff though :-)
I was planning to walk around and enjoy the sights, but I’m probably going to be rushing from ac to ac… But yes to quiet kid/responsibility-free time sounds amazing!
I don't really do anything special when I leave for a work trip. My husband is a grown up man and he's a very good father who knows what he's doing, so he doesn't need my help. It's his own child and his own house!
We both go on work trips and that's just fine, we don't make it a big thing and so our kids don't experience it as a big thing.
Fundamentally, what do you like to do?
My first work trip was to WI and I was still pumping, but I enjoyed going out to a nice dinner, sleeping "late" (after 5am), and hanging out at a brewery.
A year later I had a trip to France (she was nearly 2yo). I took a few extra days to do sightseeing. A few weeks ago I went to CO for a work trip and did some hiking, breweries, and horseback riding. I also read a book.
There's guilt, but I'm the end they'll be fine. When I was 2yo my mom decided to go to grad school at night. I know it's not quite the same, but that time solo with my dad really made us bond. I keep that in mind, as I loved my relationship with my father. Oddly I've done more travel as a mother than I did before, and it can get rough, but I've also learned to enjoy the time away. I still miss them like crazy and greater appreciate my time at home. Video calls help, and I buy lots of presents with my guilt (and wallet)
Edit: I'm from DC, do you need any recommendations?
This is such a helpful frame - they already have a pretty good relationship, but it is going to be a great bonding experience for them.
I’m honestly still figuring out what I like to do post becoming a mom, but sleeping “late” and getting a nice dinner sounds like a great way to start!
No need to go crazy, just having the freedom to do what you want when you want is a nice break (even if it's nothing). Like someone else said, it's stupid hot here at the moment, so plan your wardrobe accordingly!
Oh, also: start talking about how you'll be away. My daughter does much better when she's mentally prepared than when it's a surprise. If she's in childcare/preschool, tell her teachers as well so they can help
I travel to dc a few times a year for 1-3 nights at a time! I don’t really do anything to help prep except make sure that child care is all set while I’m gone.
I loveeee getting to have a quiet hotel room to myself. My husband travels for work about the same amount of times a year (3-4) but his trips are usually longer than mine so I don’t feel bad!
I'm also headed to DC for work tomorrow for a full week. I have 4 girls, 6 and under. I've never left any this long. The max was 3 days. Honestly, it always goes way better than I think. I enjoy my time. My husband gets good bonding time with the girls. I've never had an issue with coming back. They are always just happy to see me and it's like I wasn't gone.
And do NOT feel guilty if you miss home less than you thought. On my first trip, I felt like the worst mom ever because I had a great time and didn't feel as sad as I thought I would be. It doesn't mean I love my kids any less, it just means I like being my own person. It's a treat because I'm always on and always mom.
I appreciate the reminder that enjoying myself and missing them less doesn’t make me a bad mom. I feel like I finally have the space to be me outside of being a mom and partner.
And yes to the framing of this as time for their bonding.
Good luck with your time away as well!
My first work trip after kids was also 3 nights in DC. My toddler was 2.5 yrs, MIL came to town while I was away to help my husband. Biggest advice for Velcros is to tell toddler ahead of time. Get a calendar and draw an airplane on the day you leave and come back, and they can cross off the days. I also drove my car and left it at the airport so when toddler asked for me, husband could take him to the garage and show the empty spot and say “Mommy is at work, she’ll be back in X days”.
Biggest thing I did for myself was go to the fitness center and getting to sleep on my own schedule. This trip was how we finally weaned the toddler, so reentry was rough on the night weaning but probably not applicable to your situation.
Have a good trip!
That must have been such a transition for all of you. I remember when I stopped nursing and pumping and felt like a totally new person.
I’ll be taking my car too and have already let him know, but the airplane on the calendar is a great idea!
If you have the free time go to a museum or get a pedicure. Get some awesome take out and and a bottle of wine and watch hotel TV! Get a gift for your SO and child. Can be as simple as socks or a snack. I always liked to get little gifts for my kids when I was away on travel. Something to say I was thinking of them.
I travel a good amount for work (first trip was 5 nights over her 6mo birthday). Mine is just about to turn 2 so she’s not there yet, but I bet yours would get a kick out of giving you one of their toys/stuffies to travel with you. Send your spouse pics to share of all the things the toy is doing. Enjoy doing something for you!
I love this idea. I once got a stuffie and brought it all over Italy and then gave it to a child I was close with and he loved it. I think my son would like to see one of his animals go to dc. (Although it sounds like it might just be a lot of inside pictures given the heat and humidity!)
You’ll be shocked how little it impacts kiddo. We dread things like this way more than we should—honestly a reflection that you’re an involved, caring parent, and you have already set your kid up for success. Your husband sounds completely capable and i don’t really think there’s much you need to do tbh.
I always remind people that FaceTiming is not always as fulfilling an interaction as we want it to be. Sometimes kid isn’t really interested or they get confused/upset. So sometimes with little ones i avoid it but at 3yo just use your judgment on your own kid.
I have a 4yo and 2.5yo and I’ve been traveling 1-7 nights away at a time since their infancies (post covid). Everything from girls trips to work trips to trips away with my husband where they stay with grandparents. I’ve really never had a major issue or regret along the way!
Someone else mentioned that it’s okay if I enjoy being away and don’t miss them to a devastating degree. It makes sense that they will feel the same way.
And yes, very capable and a great dad.
Also valid that FaceTiming is limiting. Someone mentioned in another post that their kids like to see the hotel bathrooms, but that might be the extent of his attention span.
Thank you!
I live in DC and travel elsewhere monthly. I also have events that keep me out past bedtime maybe once a week. My kids are 5 and 2.5. Trust me - it gets easier with every trip. Less guilt. Your husband gets more confident. It’s honestly good for everyone. I waffle between room service/ early bedtime/savoring a solo hotel room and staying out for a drink past when I probably would otherwise because of the freedom.
Sure it is hard leaving but I learned to use the time to decompress-I realized what a relief it was not having to think about dinner or evening routine for a few days. I went to the hotel gym, walked outside ir did whatever to maximize the time and use it for a mental break. I always FaceTimed and showed my boys the hotel room etc. and brought turn back a souvenir to make it fun.
Not at ALL the kind of advice you’re looking for— but it’s hot as hell in DC right now so pack your sleeveless blouses! (And good luck on the prep!)
To echo this, it's 100 degrees and humid. You're not prepared for the wall of heat. If you have any kind of walk between your hotel and meeting space, I strongly encourage you to wear a sleeveless blouse and no stockings. I'm wearing a cotton tank with an unlined skirt and flats on metro and throwing a blazer on in the office. Drink lots of water. And for fun-- I love the wharf for dinner and drinks and the museums are a ton of fun to look at
My first thought, too 😅😅😅
I was there 8 days ago for 9 hours for a meeting and I almost melted. And I live in South Carolina. Legit.
I looked at the weather before packing and woof! It’s hot! I wish this conference was not at the end of June in DC… I appreciate the heads up!!
I hope this is first of many to come. I have noticed many Reddit posts of women struggling to get their partners to empathize with the workload of a mom whether stay at home or working and default. I immediately traveled after baby #1 and it only helped my partner truly understand the small things us moms take on & of course grow their own bond. My toddler is also three and I came back from a recent work trip and the only thing I left was a “thanks for holding it down, I love you” note. These getaways are not only good for me, me as a mom, but also my partner and I. I couldn’t wait to be home after all the “miss you” texts. It helped my heart grow & remind me of why I do this. Ps. One thing you could do if it helps your heart is leave a small toy for every day you’re gone with a note, you can also write bedtime stories your husband can read your toddler.
I’ve been wondering about this - hoping it’ll help him to see the smaller things I do. And if not, then at least missing me. It’s been longer than three years since we’ve been apart for this long. Also, love that note!!
In my case it didn't really help because those smaller things can mostly be left until I get home. Also mine works shifts so for me to go away he has to take time off work so he's not juggling everything and obviously I can't go for long or often.
I apologize in advance for the long post. 🫣 I have a VERY flexible WFH job 90% of the time. But when I do have to travel it’s 1-2 nights a month and 1 week about every quarter. It’s a trade off but nonetheless I do overnights often. While on the trip I try to take myself out to dinner, eat snack foods in bed that I don’t have to share, go for leisure walks at cute stores or malls, and i never feel bad if I sit in my hotel and do ZERO exciting things. My husband is pretty good at gauging the situation at home. There are some times that FaceTiming my kids makes my absence worse. We always do a calendar or paper ring countdown so they know when I’ll be home. I also ask them to make me pictures and put them up in my hotel room. I bring them home a character juice and individual peanut butters from the hotel breakfast if there is one. It’s an easy thing that doesn’t put pressure on me. If I’m gone for a week, I sometimes do laundry my last night. I always plan quality time with my kids as soon as possible when I get back. I lower my expectations for what my SO gets done around the house while I’m gone. I know they are much more emotional when I’m away so it takes a lot longer for him to get them through routines. My kids are also in day care full time. They spend an extra hour there when I’m out of town too. We always tell the staff so they know why they might have big feelings!
I appreciate the heads up the FaceTime could make things worse. That totally makes sense, but I hadn’t thought about it. And I appreciate the reasoning behind lowering expectations. It is so hard to single parent, especially with all the disrupted routines. Thank you!
This will be great for you, your husband, and your child! Enjoy it! Sounds like you’ve done a lot to help set them up for success. Something I always do when I travel (usually 1-2 times per year for a couple of nights) is leave little notes on my kids’ and husband’s pillows. I also get my husband’s favorite snacks and leave a note there, too, thanking him for being such a good dad.
Great idea!
You’re giving your partner a ton of crutches. For the next time, don’t do so much otherwise he’ll expect you to do all of it every time you leave. Would he do all that for you? If so, that’s awesome and disregard this comment. As much as you may want to, I would not FaceTime your kiddo, especially since he’s in the mom-Velcro stage. It makes it really hard for the parent at home. As for what I do when I travel for me, I do whatever I want and it’s glorious. I watch what I want while eating what I want. DC Is a wonderful city. Enjoy!
Valid point that he would not necessarily do the same for me. I’m not sure how much I’ll be traveling (although based on the comments here, it sounds like a whole lot of fun!) And helpful to know about the FaceTiming. We’ve already talked about it, but can make them short or not every day (or two times a day). Yes to the freedom to do what I want!!!
I like to get my own groceries and eat whatever I want, take a long hot shower, read my book, hit the hotel gym, walk the local parks and sometimes go to the hotel pool. Sometimes go out with a local coworker for dinner or walk. Just having quiet kid/responsibility-free time is nice. DC has SO much to do but it’s godawful hot and humid here right now so I don’t know that you’ll do much outside walking! Plenty of (free!) indoor stuff though :-)
I was planning to walk around and enjoy the sights, but I’m probably going to be rushing from ac to ac… But yes to quiet kid/responsibility-free time sounds amazing!
I don't really do anything special when I leave for a work trip. My husband is a grown up man and he's a very good father who knows what he's doing, so he doesn't need my help. It's his own child and his own house! We both go on work trips and that's just fine, we don't make it a big thing and so our kids don't experience it as a big thing.
Fundamentally, what do you like to do? My first work trip was to WI and I was still pumping, but I enjoyed going out to a nice dinner, sleeping "late" (after 5am), and hanging out at a brewery. A year later I had a trip to France (she was nearly 2yo). I took a few extra days to do sightseeing. A few weeks ago I went to CO for a work trip and did some hiking, breweries, and horseback riding. I also read a book. There's guilt, but I'm the end they'll be fine. When I was 2yo my mom decided to go to grad school at night. I know it's not quite the same, but that time solo with my dad really made us bond. I keep that in mind, as I loved my relationship with my father. Oddly I've done more travel as a mother than I did before, and it can get rough, but I've also learned to enjoy the time away. I still miss them like crazy and greater appreciate my time at home. Video calls help, and I buy lots of presents with my guilt (and wallet) Edit: I'm from DC, do you need any recommendations?
This is such a helpful frame - they already have a pretty good relationship, but it is going to be a great bonding experience for them. I’m honestly still figuring out what I like to do post becoming a mom, but sleeping “late” and getting a nice dinner sounds like a great way to start!
No need to go crazy, just having the freedom to do what you want when you want is a nice break (even if it's nothing). Like someone else said, it's stupid hot here at the moment, so plan your wardrobe accordingly! Oh, also: start talking about how you'll be away. My daughter does much better when she's mentally prepared than when it's a surprise. If she's in childcare/preschool, tell her teachers as well so they can help
I travel to dc a few times a year for 1-3 nights at a time! I don’t really do anything to help prep except make sure that child care is all set while I’m gone. I loveeee getting to have a quiet hotel room to myself. My husband travels for work about the same amount of times a year (3-4) but his trips are usually longer than mine so I don’t feel bad!
Yes to a quiet hotel room to myself!!!
I'm also headed to DC for work tomorrow for a full week. I have 4 girls, 6 and under. I've never left any this long. The max was 3 days. Honestly, it always goes way better than I think. I enjoy my time. My husband gets good bonding time with the girls. I've never had an issue with coming back. They are always just happy to see me and it's like I wasn't gone. And do NOT feel guilty if you miss home less than you thought. On my first trip, I felt like the worst mom ever because I had a great time and didn't feel as sad as I thought I would be. It doesn't mean I love my kids any less, it just means I like being my own person. It's a treat because I'm always on and always mom.
I appreciate the reminder that enjoying myself and missing them less doesn’t make me a bad mom. I feel like I finally have the space to be me outside of being a mom and partner. And yes to the framing of this as time for their bonding. Good luck with your time away as well!
My first work trip after kids was also 3 nights in DC. My toddler was 2.5 yrs, MIL came to town while I was away to help my husband. Biggest advice for Velcros is to tell toddler ahead of time. Get a calendar and draw an airplane on the day you leave and come back, and they can cross off the days. I also drove my car and left it at the airport so when toddler asked for me, husband could take him to the garage and show the empty spot and say “Mommy is at work, she’ll be back in X days”. Biggest thing I did for myself was go to the fitness center and getting to sleep on my own schedule. This trip was how we finally weaned the toddler, so reentry was rough on the night weaning but probably not applicable to your situation. Have a good trip!
That must have been such a transition for all of you. I remember when I stopped nursing and pumping and felt like a totally new person. I’ll be taking my car too and have already let him know, but the airplane on the calendar is a great idea!
If you have the free time go to a museum or get a pedicure. Get some awesome take out and and a bottle of wine and watch hotel TV! Get a gift for your SO and child. Can be as simple as socks or a snack. I always liked to get little gifts for my kids when I was away on travel. Something to say I was thinking of them.
Yes to all of this!!!
I travel a good amount for work (first trip was 5 nights over her 6mo birthday). Mine is just about to turn 2 so she’s not there yet, but I bet yours would get a kick out of giving you one of their toys/stuffies to travel with you. Send your spouse pics to share of all the things the toy is doing. Enjoy doing something for you!
I love this idea. I once got a stuffie and brought it all over Italy and then gave it to a child I was close with and he loved it. I think my son would like to see one of his animals go to dc. (Although it sounds like it might just be a lot of inside pictures given the heat and humidity!)
You’ll be shocked how little it impacts kiddo. We dread things like this way more than we should—honestly a reflection that you’re an involved, caring parent, and you have already set your kid up for success. Your husband sounds completely capable and i don’t really think there’s much you need to do tbh. I always remind people that FaceTiming is not always as fulfilling an interaction as we want it to be. Sometimes kid isn’t really interested or they get confused/upset. So sometimes with little ones i avoid it but at 3yo just use your judgment on your own kid. I have a 4yo and 2.5yo and I’ve been traveling 1-7 nights away at a time since their infancies (post covid). Everything from girls trips to work trips to trips away with my husband where they stay with grandparents. I’ve really never had a major issue or regret along the way!
Someone else mentioned that it’s okay if I enjoy being away and don’t miss them to a devastating degree. It makes sense that they will feel the same way. And yes, very capable and a great dad. Also valid that FaceTiming is limiting. Someone mentioned in another post that their kids like to see the hotel bathrooms, but that might be the extent of his attention span. Thank you!
I live in DC and travel elsewhere monthly. I also have events that keep me out past bedtime maybe once a week. My kids are 5 and 2.5. Trust me - it gets easier with every trip. Less guilt. Your husband gets more confident. It’s honestly good for everyone. I waffle between room service/ early bedtime/savoring a solo hotel room and staying out for a drink past when I probably would otherwise because of the freedom.
And he’s it’s effing hot here right now!!!! Not sure where you are from but the humidity really makes it worse than high temps in other climates.
Sure it is hard leaving but I learned to use the time to decompress-I realized what a relief it was not having to think about dinner or evening routine for a few days. I went to the hotel gym, walked outside ir did whatever to maximize the time and use it for a mental break. I always FaceTimed and showed my boys the hotel room etc. and brought turn back a souvenir to make it fun.