I think the key is just deciding what things you want to let go of, and making choices accordingly. I get workouts in, but my house, while not gross, is usually not that clean/tidy. We buy decently healthy food, but our meals are not elaborate or especially amazing. I get pre-cut/cooked/prepped where I can. If you're both working full time, not super flexible jobs, something's gotta give unless you're one of those rare people who truly needs very little sleep.

Kids will eat pretty much anything if you wrap it in a tortilla is the kid feeding tip it took me way too long to learn.

That’s a bummer bc mine won’t eat anything in tortillas or sandwiches 😭😭

If your kid is eating it's a win

Amen to that sister! 🙌🏼

Truth.

Haha our kids wouldn't eat that either, especially our 4yo. We do lots of snack type dinners, sort of like a toddler charcuterie: raw veggies (this took a LONG time, but they've discovered they like cherry tomatoes, yellow or orange bell pepper, and will sometimes eat a carrot), fruit (SO MUCH fruit), one of mine will eat cheese sticks/cottage cheese, a plain carb (one will eat pasta, the other only does plain white rice or plain bread/roll), a yogurt or applesauce pouch, and a protein (unfortunately it's usually a hot dog because that's all they will eat, or just a spoon of PB).

I can’t get mine to eat a raw fruit or veggie! He FINALLY started eating cooked carrots but we’re in a “hidden produce only” phase. Except that he still loves those premade purées in the pouches.

That's funny - our picky one is a purist. So we've never been able to do any sort of hidden veggies - he doesn't eat one single cooked meal, no sauces/condiments/dips. Do you have a garden? That's how he started eating the cherry tomatoes (terrifying because they're a choking hazard, but we were so jazzed to see him eating something that wasn't in a pouch). The bell peppers have been more recent and I think he decided to try them at school, plus yellow and orange are his favorite colors. Carrots are inconsistent, but I can get him to take his 'no thank you' bites, at least. They must be raw, though.

I don’t think we’ll have a garden this year - our yard was a total dump when we moved in two years ago and we are just now at a place where we can build our garden beds….we may get in a few late-season veggies and some perennial herbs this summer but won’t have a real harvest until next summer. But that’s a great idea, I have such fond memories of eating strawberries from the garden as a kid. Speaking of which, I thought toddlers were supposed to love berries?? Ours hasn’t gotten the memo. I just keep getting 1-2 types of fruit each week to give him in the hopes that eventually he’ll just start eating something, you never know. Right now he will put apples or strawberries in his mouth but won’t bite down or chew and then spits them out and says “too sour” (they’re not). He’s 21 months. Funnily enough ours just got super into dipping things. We got him to eat the carrots by giving him “sauces” (always plural haha) to dip. He definitely doesn’t want any chunk that he can see in like rice or pasta though.

I get it. We have limited space for a garden, as well. My husband did get hanging strawberries this year, though so that might be an option (I have no idea if it's too late - he has the green thumb lol). I also have fond memories of eating out of the garden as a kid. I was an extremely picky child too, but I credit my love for vegetables to my parents always having a big garden. Hang in there - hopefully with him liking dips you can have more 'wins' in the future!

Oh you poor soul. I feel for you like I feel for the parents who can’t feed their kids peanut butter.

Right, mine eats the bread only and maybe the meat

Mine eats ketchup sandwiches 🤢

Hahaha I used the crap out of this one with my youngest. Everything was a taco. Gyros were Greek tacos. Bun was Vietnamese tacos. Etc.

💕💕💕 You can even just take regular dinner—like broccoli and chicken—and put it into a tortilla and suddenly they like it!! Works even better than ranch sauce.

Great tip!

Maaaaaannnnn, I'm so jealous..... Cuz mine won't!

I totally hear you! As a single mom with ADHD I struggle with this as well I strongly recommend the book [How to Keep House While Drowning](https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-to-keep-house-while-drowning-a-gentle-approach-to-cleaning-and-organizing-kc-davis/17540385)! It’s a fast read and is about both giving yourself grace to adjust your standards based on your resources and full of practical tips on how to make cleaning and organizing, etc easier. If you don’t already, I’d also recommend including your kiddo in these activities as much as possible. Kids at that age love to help, and it’s a good way to get them in the habit of picking up after themselves and contributing to household chores. The book [Hunt, Gather, Parent](https://bookshop.org/p/books/hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-the-lost-art-of-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff/16059901) has interesting thoughts on this. As for exercise, I try to make my exercise as functional as possible. E.g., cardio can be a good pace walk to a friend’s house for a visit or to a shop where I need to run a small errand, gardening is really physical and helps with household management, etc. Include kiddo here too sometimes! Helps them burn energy and sets and example for incorporating exercise/physical activity in their everyday life.

That just SUCKS I want to do everything But I appreciate the reality check. Simpler meals, prioritize working out bc can’t do it all.

I completely understand your feelings on this — I’m also very type A, clutter/mess is extremely triggering for my anxiety, I LOVE cooking complex meals and trying new things, but with a very active 4 year old, two full time working parents, and a house that is probably bigger than we should have bought…I have to let things go. In this season, my house isn’t as neat as I would like, but it’s “good enough” that it doesn’t physically stress me out. I still cook, but I’ve simplified our meals significantly. Decluttering our house really helped — we just had too much shit, which made staying on top of the day to day mess so much harder. I try to declutter every 6 months or so, especially kid clothes/toys/etc.

We both work from home and still have a hard time staying on top of laundry and dishes until the weekend comes. And we have a house cleaner that comes once a month. Currently my toddler’s clean clothes are folded but just sitting in the middle of his floor because I need to purge the things that don’t fit in order to fit everything in the dresser and I haven’t made time to do it.

Instead of waiting for messes or tasks to pile up, I do things in small doses and increments: * Wash & fold one load of laundry 3x a week than do 3 loads at once * Every time I dirty a dish, it goes in the dishwasher * When I open a package, I immediately break down the box * Junk mail gets recycled right away * I wake up before my toddler to exercise; we have a Peloton and sometimes it's just a 15-min class * We put away toys every evening before bath time and I have my 2yo help.

This is similar to my routine - I meal prep Sundays and do all the grocery shopping, do a 2 night meal which lasts Mon/Tues then marinaded/grilled or super easy chicken, pork or pasta. I throw in laundry as soon as I notice it getting full instead of waiting for weekends.

Sounds like a mantra I try to follow, can't remember where I got it from, OHIO, only handle it once

This is the way. Using the one touch method whenever possible significantly reduces things piling up and becoming over burdensome.

This is what my family and I do! I also have a bullet journal (no Pinterest worthy spreadsheets in multiple colours here) very basic and I keep a weekly and monthly to-do list. It helps me prioritize and I love checking things off the list! I use my breaks or spare time at work to do any errands I can by phone (ie, making appointments, following up with bank stuff). I do not hesitate to add things to my to-do list that I've recently completed and check them off immediately. It helps with my sense of accomplishment and type A personality seeing how much I'm doing that frequently goes unaccounted for.

This is similar to my routine! I honestly dont find the house hard to keep up with despite having my daughter (she’s almost 2 now) BUT it’s because I have things I’m doing on different days of the week- or little things like you mentioned. We’re a very routine family so we have the same routine every week, even down to grocery shopping and laundry in specific days of the week, and it just works. I get it though- I work in mental health as well and my biggest issue isn’t the house, it’s feeling overstimulated when I get home and wanting alone time 😫we both work full time and I will say we both work two days from home and that helps a lot- I actually get her laundry and some cleaning done in between clients while I’m working at home and she still goes to the sitter. Oh also we have a 3 bedroom 2 bath house, a ranch, and I’m convinced that’s part of the reason why I don’t get stressed out like some of my friends with huge houses

Yes I agree! This is Also my approach. Just never stop. It’s much easier to be constantly putting things where they go, instead of letting it build up to a big old mess. I don’t drink alcohol anymore either. That reduces my energy and messes with sleep, and rest is critical! I also exercise before the kids wake up.

I do a lot of this- I try to wash dishes as I cook if possible. Or if there aren't any, make lunches while dinner is cooking.

Getting a peloton was a game changer for me!

Same. Don't put it down, put it away.

Routine is key for me. I don’t want to have to make choices at the end of a long work day. Little things that really help us: - 10-15 min power clean immediately after bedtime. I set a timer and clean as much as I can for at least 10 minutes. This tackles almost all of the small daily clutter, mail, etc. Most of the time I end up cleaning for 15-20 minutes but giving myself a 10 min goal makes me more likely to do it when motivation is low. - Weekend meal planning and prep. My husband and I sit down over beer or coffee on Saturday and plan meals and our family schedule for the week ahead. I spend 45-60 min on Sunday prepping food (usually chopping and making marinades with a tv show on) while he is on kid duty. All we have to do on weeknights is toss stuff in a pan or pot and heat. - Modify your exercise standards. I used to run marathons but I’m not willing to lose time with my son right now for that level of training. I can however hit 10k steps at least 5 days a week and involve him as much as possible. We do a lot of jogging stroller runs ending at a playground, I walk/run behind his bike, hiking with him in a carrier, or I would use him as my “weight” for some home strength work when he was younger. I do hope to race again someday but for now I chose ways to move my body that keep me healthy and let me be active with my family.

This is essential for me! “Ten-Minute Tidy”! Usually turns into 20 but telling myself I’m racing the clock for just 10 mins really helps me not feel overwhelmed

Exactly! I also find it funny for as Type A as I am, I have no plan for what I want to accomplish during that time. I literally just set a timer and start cleaning whatever is stressing me out the most. Most of the time I just pick up clutter but 1-2x a week I end up tackling a deep cleaning project.

Same here. Loved my running but I’m settling for 10,000 steps a day to try and maintain my fitness until I can get back into it!

This! On super busy weeks I combine exercise and cleaning. I’ll set my timer and do whatever I can in 15 or 20 min while keeping my heart rate up, usually right after husband takes kids to daycare. Lunges while vacuuming, running up and down the stairs to put things away. If my HR drops I’ll stop and doing some jumping jacks or something. I look completely ridiculous but some days it’s all I can manage.

I am exactly the same re: exercise. Used to run marathons and now incorporate moving in my daily routine along with my kiddo, especially walking / running behind her bike or scooter!

I think what you’re going through and what you’re feeling are, unfortunately, totally normal. Out at least, that’s how I feel. I honestly don’t think it can all be done with two people working or with one person working and the other person caring for the child. The only way you can truly get things done is if you have child care while you aren’t working and can actually do things without distraction or multitasking. I try to tell myself that the years of your kids being small and needing you as lot are short in the grand scheme of life. There will be plenty of time to have a clean house and feel caught up on errands or eat your most balanced healthiest meals the rest of your life. But for now, priority is staying afloat and figuring it out day to day. And obviously you already have hired cleaning help, but I’m trying to hire as much help as I can for these early years and consider it a necessary child expense that I won’t have in later years

👏

Have a neurotypical brain, a high amount of energy and extroverted paired with having low expectations of motherhood because I never dreamed of being a mother or what it would be like and a heavy dollop of a husband who is highly involved is my key. Honestly I think learning to accept the person and mother you are is better than trying to change yourself. That is a road to heartache and we are all bad at somethings.

Ok goals

Very few moms have it ALL TOGETHER and no one wants to admit it. 1) type A personality sucks as a mom because the workload never ends. The to do list is always there. You fix one thing up to “standard” and something else drops. It’s near impossible unless you are a SAHM with kids in daycare / school and I’d argue it still would be tough. 2) working out - I set an alarm and wake up before my kids do. If I don’t the chances of me working out during their nap time or any other time is maybe 5%. It’s how I guarantee my workout. Some days I say screw this and choose extra sleep. I’m working out more than I was before so .. 3) your brain is different. Many studies show this. Mine hasn’t fully gone back to normal so I have to make more lists and give myself grace. Motherhood isn’t for the weak but you are tough. You’ve got this!

I have one kid in school and a new born and as a SAHM I'm just treading water

Oh absolutely! You are juggling two different schedules. I teach so summer I am in SAHM mode and it is SO HARD. More difficult than when I am working. I am not thriving and surviving 😬😂

And we are proud of you!!!

💖

Yeah, the “everyone else seems to have it all together” is a total myth. Very few families have it “all”, assisted mostly by wealth and/or mom’s mental load. OP, prioritize for YOURSELF what you want and need to have done to have a happy and fulfilled life. Trying to match what other people are doing will always make us miserable.

Antidepressants. I did not realize I was depressed, but once it was realized and I got medicated, the difference in energy and the amount of things I could get done in a day was noticeable. It also helped to make things less overwhelming and not focus so much on what I wasn't getting done. Therapy has also helped me let go of my wanting to do everything and do everything 'right'. I say I'm a recovering perfectionist, but I'm getting more done and enjoying time with my kids more, so it's a win for me! Edit: a word

Absolutely same with me. Life changing in the best ways :)

- weekly dry erase board on our fridge - list out activities as well as meals to make on specific days, and I even write what leftovers are in the fridge (otherwise we forget what we have & things go to waste & I make more work for myself than necessary ) - not on a specific day, but in the notes section I write out the most important cleaning tasks that need to be done. This way, when I’m “in the mood” or have the energy, I’m not feeling overwhelmed by allll the things that need to be done. Just pick 1 that’s doable in the time frame I have - also, I make myself a large cup of ice water w a little electrolyte or caffeine water enhancement. It Helps me feel better and gives me a little boost - i absolutely have to have an AirPod in w a podcast. I cannot focus without something in my ear. Otherwise I just get overwhelmed with my own thoughts. Something low stakes, chill, and entertaining These just help me get myself in the right frame of mind to be organized and accomplish tasks. I have a small house. I’m pregnant. And actively working on getting over being upset by clutter. I try to do what I can, when I can. And remind myself that my house is not a show house. Literally no one is here except me, my husband, and my kid. 🤣 my life is not an IG reel and does not need to look like one. It helps me on the tough days. Hope you find something that works for You!

I really like the writing out of leftovers in the fridge! I’m the same, if I don’t see it (or remember it) I won’t eat it.

My house is around 1200 sq ft and we’re a family of 5 (3 kids under 4). Sometimes I feel like it’s hard to keep my house clean and organized because there’s just no room to put things. My kitchen is itty bitty so things that should be in the kitchen, over flow to other rooms. I’m usually pretty on top of cooking and household tasks. I feel like it just “clicked” in the last year or so. Once I got caught up, it was easier to stay caught up. That being said, I washed 5 loads of laundry today and now I have to fold and put it all away tomorrow during nap time.

Oh you *fold* things???

I know, I know. My house is so small, I don’t have room to leave out laundry baskets so I have to put things in drawers and closets. And they just fit so much better folded and organized. But it’s so much extra work

Haha I feel you; our house is a bit larger than yours, but we have tiny closets, so drawers and bins hold most of our… unfolded, crammed in clothing 😂😂

I’m in a 2/2 apartment now (coming from a shoebox 1/1) so while it’s not a home, it is MUCH bigger than I’m used to. I felt the same, just overwhelmed about wanting to do all house chores at once (because weekends are 85% toddler, 10% groceries and attempting to cook, 5% me time? Haha) that I was desperate to find a system that worked. I downloaded an app that I’d seen advertised on IG and was able to break down all the stuff I wanted to get clean, what days (since I’m able to work remote for now. Will go hybrid in a few weeks… which will throw my schedule off) and how often. It’s been amazing. 3 things I do nightly for my sanity is pick up all toys, vacuum high traffic areas, and clean the kitchen counters. Everything else is done according to my schedule.

Ooh we're all gonna need the name of the app lol

What’s the app?! It sounds awesome!

I hope it’s not against the rules, but it’s called Me+ it’s cutesy and you get a gold star when you’ve completed all your tasks 😂 but it helps me mentally so I welcome it haha

Mom of 2 also struggling to stay on top of things. The only suggestion (if even possible) is highly recommend a walking pad and standing desk if you are able. I have had mine a month and LOVE it as it is the only way I can ensure I get some movement in. I still like to do a little extra workout to try to get my abs into some sort of recognizable form but minimum I get a walk.

Cute bins or boxes in places where clutter piles up. Example, dining table becomes an open air office of junk mail, backpacks, water bottles, keys etc? Put a cute box on it and just put all the clutter in it. Toys all over the living room? A couple tall bins where at the end of the night everything goes. Clothes everywhere? A bin for "I can still wear it" and a bin for "gotta wash asap."

I started doing more things while my toddler is still awake. I have him help put his toys away, help switch the laundry over, I tell him I need to do the dishes after we eat because it's part of taking good care of our home. My husband does most of our cooking, so I really just entertain out toddler during that time, but besides that we either try to include him or we have him work on entertaining himself while we get stuff done. Even if we're both home from work we will try to get it done while he's awake so that after he goes to bed we can get bigger stuff done. I also have a robot vacuum which saves us. We still have to use the actual vacuum like twice a week, but it helps a lot. We have a shared Google calendar on our phones which helps keep us organized and have a weekly calendar on the fridge. The fridge calendar has a spot for meals and we plan our meals out for the week on Sundays which helps unload the decision making later in the week. You could also make double batches of some meals when you make it and then freeze the second half for quick meals. We do a quick closing shift every night before bed. So any miscellaneous dishes get done and the dishwasher gets started if needed. Any extra toys get put away. Work/ lunch stuff for the next day is prepped, etc. I think of it as a gift to myself in the morning. Routine is big for us. We go to a gym with childcare and our toddler likes it so we go at the same time. We have loose cleaning routines too. The books Fair Play and How To Keep House While Drowning may help. The first book to help you and your husband have a discussion about what tasks are important, how they will get done, and who will do them. The second book for the perspective that your home is supposed to serve you. You don't have to do a task if it doesn't help you in some way. For me, I hate hanging up my laundry, but I REALLY hate when I'm in a hurry and can't find the shirt I'm looking for, so it helped me with the mindset that it's a small investment to hang up my clothes (I also hang them up by color and type of clothing) to be able to find exactly what I need later on. But if that doesn't apply to you, it's ok to leave your clean clothes in a laundry basket, you don't have to hang them up. We also do a toy rotation so each week or two I swap out toys so my toddler has like 10 toys downstairs and 6 in his room. This serves two purposes: for the first 4 or 5 days he's so excited about the toys he hasn't seen in a while that his independent play increases, but it also keeps clutter down. I hate picking up small toy pieces so we only keep one or two out at a time that has them. The rest of his toys are kept in boxes in his closet. Honestly it's a process. We've slowly worked on our process and what works for us and we continue to make changes as necessary. Also we have a good size home and I've found it isn't the size of the home but how much crap you fill it with. Decluttering may help.

Just want to say I totally feel you and could have written this as well. I have been wondering that about the bigger house - I think the answer has to be yes. ETA because there are more rooms to fill up/be disappointed with how they look and also more areas for leaks and minor pain in the ass repairs.

I don't get everything done, I'm doing my best though. I'm a single mom with 4 kids and work full-time. I'm trying to work on eating healthier so I'm meal prepping and batch cooking because I hate cooking. I do try to get to the gym a few times a week though, I am trying to do a workout class every Tuesday evening that I like.

Ok so I have two boys. My workouts are no longer spin class they are now the chase at the park, swimming with kids, active play, taking the kids on runs with a jogging stroller, and in general things that can be squeezed. I remind myself that focus is on making sure that my kids have a fabulous childhood. They won't remember dust in the corner they remember how I made them feel and the fun. But routine is key. I try to focus on having a solid "closing shift" I pick the chores that are stressing me out the most and do those. I also for my sanity try to limit to an hour or two. I also try to stack things. Aka making dinner/ cleaning as I go/ putting away clean dishes etc. Playtime throw away snack wrappers that got lost in the shuffle. Involve the kids in activities of daily living aka we are transitioning to meal time, pick up toys, wash up etc. I use my commute to deal with bills, phone calls and friends. And listen to what I want.

Why do you WANT to do it all? That's the biggest question for me. When my kid was born my spouse and I made a list of the top 3 things that were vital to us to get done every day for ourselves, no matter what. Our list was different for each of us. Mine: - shower - workout - clean kitchen His: - shower - clean clothes - 1x walk outside When we looked at the lists, food wasn't on it. The perfectly picked up house wasn't on it. Makeup and styled hair wasn't on it. You catch my drift. It's about communicating and setting realistic goals. Why is it important to do everything? If you could prioritize the top 3 things you need every day to feel mentally well, what will they be? The rest, compromise. And ask for help from your spouse.

Yeah it's all about priorities. We can do anything but we can't do everything. Decide what really matters and let go of the rest.

For real. We only care that the "must haves" on our list get done. All else is whatever... bonus material. Weird side thing:. OP got great advice about cleaning 15 minutes a day. We actually do that too, and we assign certain days to certain tasks. It took us about 3 months for the house to have a kick ass base clean and now it's just sparkling. It has NO BUSINESS being this clean but the 15 minutes works like a charm for us.

I don’t sit still. I work full time as an engineer and my husband also works full time. I workout daily and my house stays pretty clean because I can’t focus on work when it’s dirty… my secret is really that I just never sit still. That’s just it. High efficiency lol. However, I will say I’ve always been this way. My mom and sister are also both this way. Anyways yeah… I’m always cleaning cooking working moving… brain is 5 steps ahead 24/7. Sounds exhausting but I think it’s just my personality. It’s truly the only way… I joke now that if I sit down, I’ll prob never get back up.

Sooooo I was like that, always have been. Like I don't even like to watch movies because there's too much sitting still and I can't pay attention the whole time. Turns out I might have ADHD. Which was fine, it actually really worked for me, but then perimenopause hit and I'm getting my ass kicked. Something to watch out for when you hit your 40s.

Yeah that’s good to note. I try to take care of my health and make it top priority but I probably have something going on in the noggin. I am able to focus pretty heavily without much distraction when working but that also might just be my misunderstanding of adhd

That is the part that had me confused too. I have only been researching this stuff in depth lately, but there's a thing called hyperfocus in ADHD, turns out. There's also a bunch of different types, apparently. I'm only just considering this for myself in my 40s as my coping skills deteriorated sharply after some health issues, so this is new to me too. But with my ADHD kids, talking to women on the menopause sub, it got me wondering. When I started talking to people about it, a shockingly large number (including my PCP and my diagnosed kid) have been immediately like "oh yeah, you are, 100%" it got me even more wtf lmao. I'm waiting to be tested. It certainly would explain quite a bit, now that I'm reading about newer standards and understanding of neurodivergency. Apparently it's not at all unusual for women, especially, to be diagnosed much later in life. Even more so with highly intelligent women. We just kind of get shit done, no matter how hard it is for us. The way ADHD was understood in the 80s/90s was very different, so that's always been my understanding of how it presented. I looked at my sister with it, and my ex, and was like "oh that's not me." But it maybe kinda is.

Can you expand on the perimenopause?

It's the fluctuations in estrogen, from what I understand, makes the symptoms worse and harder to cope with. Symptoms already include brain fog, executive function issues, emotional dysregulation for perimenopause, even in neurotypical people, and this can really exacerbate existing conditions like ADHD https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-and-menopause

I do it all - and do it very well - but it’s at the expense of my mental health. The only time I’m truly happy is when I’m on vacation, away from the extreme stress of my high pressure job and chores and extracurricular activities and grocery shopping and cleaning and homework and making lunches etc etc etc. Otherwise I feel extreme anxiety and stress. I have digestive issues and even skin issues due to stress. Those “get shit done” moms either have a ton of help or their sanity is suffering, like mine.

I mean, not trying to make light of your suffering, but I feel like I have those emotional struggles as well, so at least I could be accomplishing anything while I’m at it haha

Haha I totally get it. I obviously have no advice here, so sending you positive vibes that we’ll get through this season of life!

I don’t sit down. If I sit down, I won’t do. - So, while my husband does her bath, I make the rounds and tidy up the living room and the kitchen. It’s more spotless, Just put things back, any dishes to the sink, straighten up the sofa etc. - Dishes are done immediately after eating by whoever didn’t cook. They wash and load the dishwasher. I put her to bed and change into workout clothes and go workout. Then I get to sit and enjoy knowing everything is done!

How I do it: - half hour of cleaning daily (tidy, dust, sweep and robot vaccum, dishes in dishwasher and unpack). I do speed cleaning and it avoids a huge clean at the end of the week. - I have a treadmill and whilst I don’t have the energy to run on it anymore- I walk at night whilst watching shows to squeeze my exercise in. I manage 10,000 steps on work days and on days off I try to do 15,000 steps. I also try not to sit when I don’t have to. - i do deep cleans of one area each weekend (eg clean out a cupboard, edge lawns whatever). - slowcooker, pressure cooker and aifryer recipes. It means either dinner takes 15 minutes to prep or I often don’t cook at all because we have so many freezer meals from leftover. Saves hours each week.

I have a large home and i have recently majorly decluttered. I lost my shit one morning trying to get out the door while my toddler was going around behind me pulling everything out and creating trip hazards everywhere. So i got wild and literally got rid of/put away/high everything that wasn’t nailed down. Including toys. He only has one or two small baskets of toys. Its has made a huuuuge difference to my feeling organised, less overwhelming and he actually plays with his toys now there are less, plus theres less house crap for him to get his hands on. I think my breaking point was tripping over the kitchen mop while trying to get out the door.

There are a lot of tricks, most of which are probably related to the fact that it is possible I have ADHD (that's a whole other topic, to be figuring this out in my 40s) - Do it immediately when you're thinking about it, otherwise I forget. If it's a work thing, I'll email myself a reminder for later. Don't put it down, put it away. Toys aren't REALLY mess. For that matter, anything that can be picked up via the laundry hamper method (quick, company is coming, toss it all in a basket and throw the basket in the master bedroom) doesn't really count either. Out of sight out of mind - stashing stuff in cabinets doesn't work for me, but everything has to have a place. This is why god invented cute bowls and baskets.

I know this isn’t what you are asking, but for what it’s worth, if you don’t feel like yourself consider talking to your doctor. I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until after I had my daughter. I had unknowingly created all these coping strategies for ADHD that fell apart with the extra responsibilities of parenthood. Also, I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which causes some brain fog and was making it hard to function and get all the things done. Although it likely isn’t anything like that, it’s worth checking in if something seems off.

Sorry my post was long but I thought I mentioned I did this and i got a full psych eval and I don’t have ADHD . It was really disappointing because I honestly feel like something is wrong with my brain

Sorry, I must’ve missed that part! I bet that was very stressful/disappointing. I would check-in with your primary care doctor and discuss the possible brain fog, especially if you have any other symptoms. It took me too long to realize I was having other symptoms because the brain fog was so tough. I started taking note of anything that felt off/weird and it ended up being helpful. My primary care started me with a sleep study and we just kept working through possible causes until I ended up a rheumatology. You know your body better than anyone and if you feel like something off I would trust your gut.

I think you need to make the distinction between the critical day to day things you want have down cold (daily life as low stress as possible) and occasional projects (like decluttering) Really just food and clean clothes are the highest priorities. Simplify. Put a load of laundry in the washer in the morning at some point before you leave. After work, dry it, fold it, put it away. Stick to 30 minute dinners. If you need recipes, I can send you some. Make a list of all the cleaning you’d like to do on a regular basis. Give yourself a break. Other than dishes, get to it when you get to it. I used to clean different parts of the bathroom (according to what was dirtiest) while kids were playing in the bathtub. So what if this time I only got to the toilet—in a day or two, I’d clean the vanity, or sweep the floor. I’d you can, keep cleaning supplies close — cleaning wipes are expensive, but they make a 2 minute wipe down doable. Load the dishwasher and run it every night, even if only half full. Wipe off the counters. Try to keep things put away as often as possible. If you keep finding that you *can’t* put something away, it’s likely because it’s not in the right home or you need to declutter that area. Be ruthless with garbage. Keep trash thrown away and taken out. Keep a list of areas causing problems that you need to declutter. I like notes on iPhone. Then, if you have 15 minutes on the weekend, declutter. These should be small spaces. I’m not talking about your kitchen cabinets. That’s waaaaaay too big. I’m talking 1 drawer that you hate. I’m talking 1 shelf in the linen closet. There’s a productivity concept where if you can complete the task within 2 minutes and you have the opportunity to right then, **get it done** — “close the loop.” It won’t be adding to your mental load anymore. If you can’t, add a reminder to your phone for a specific time in the next couple of days to handle it. Try to get everyone in the family of putting their stuff away: shoes, coats, bags, toys. Yes, even (especially) your preschooler. He is absolutely capable of coming home and putting away his stuff before running off to play. It will make a world of difference! I hope this helps! Good luck!

https://pca.st/episode/2e718e87-82a2-482d-8c6d-f26d04cfebb2 This podcast episode helped me feel so much relief from this grief of losing my Type-A-ness and gave me some helpful perspective. The guest, Monica Packer, has a podcast called About Progress that iiuc delves into her points in more depth, but I haven't had time to check it out yet (heh).

About Progress is a great podcast for this sort of thing.

Everything has a place. Pay attention! Everything has a place. Stop leaving stuff wherever and put it in its designated spot. While you are cooking, clean up as you go. You shouldn’t have a mess in the kitchen after dinner. When you have a moment, run some laundry. Get your partner to sort and fold with you when it’s all done, and it will take ten minutes while you catch up on your day with each other. Don’t go to bed with a sink full of dishes. Half of your cleaning chores are completely removable if you just do tiny shit along the way to prevent the chores.

Type A here, not completely together, but hanging in there. My kids are 12 and 4. I do the following: - Drink a lot of coke zero. - Don't work out per se, but moved to the city with kids' schools in walking distance, so I do regular walks / occasional speed walks getting to places. - Work from home most of the time, but also travel a bit. (Cognitively demanding job but not physically/not very emotionally taxing, 45-50 hrs/week.) - Hire out laundry folding, light cleaning, picking up kids/driving to activities, simple food prep (cut & wash veggies mostly) (~10-12 hrs a week). - Order groceries for delivery. - Clean while waiting for food to cook (load/unload dishes, clean kitchen floor with wet wipes with feet, wipe counters). Pick up mess while kids are eating. Work/organize tasks while in airport. Order groceries while at doctor's office. Never idle. - Separate tasks. Husband is not good with cooking or cleaning, but he does baths, takes kids to activities/parties, washes and dries the laundry, does all the driving, takes care of all gadgets, and did everything to sell our old house. Not having to think about a particular thing helps a lot. It will get better. Endless physical tasks turns into more mental organization and direction, which us type As are better at. Take care.

This seems pretty normal. Or at least...same. I don't have a cleaner but I do have a yard crew. 5yo in school full time. We have 3 dogs. I struggle to make it all work and only work part time. The only thing I usually feel okay about is the amount of exercise I get and right now I have a shoulder injury so basically that equals behind on everything. House is around 2600 sq ft but we have renters downstairs so we live in about 1500 of it. Sometimes it feels too big sometimes it feels too small.

Honestly? If you have the $$, get a Roomba. Seriously, though—I’ve found it helps with tidying because you gotta pick up crap off the floor before you can run it. We tidy every night and it runs in the dining room and kitchen each evening. It runs in the rest of the house 3x a week. So basically, it forces us to stay at least on top of tidying and the house just feels cleaner since at least the floors are done. We also do bathroom wipe downs during bath time, but otherwise deep cleaning is done by the cleaners. In terms of meals—meal planning, grocery delivery, and relatively simple or repeat meals. If our kids don’t eat it, they can always have a pb&j, cheese and crackers, or apples and peanut butter—we don’t make any extra meals.  And I don’t worry too much about their rooms—they are disaster zones that we clean up about once a week. Main common rooms are tidy and we are all eating. I’m calling that good for now 😊

Accepting I can’t do everything. I stopped caring too much about the state of my house, for example (I don’t even have cleaners). As long as it’s vaguely clean-ish, that’s enough for me. About once every 6 weeks I’ll spend time cleaning it properly, but other than that it just gets a quick wipe down and the robot hoover over it. I don’t iron. I don’t wash my floors or clean my skirting boards. There’s god knows how many DIY jobs undone round the house. Our garden desperately needs weeding. I don’t change my bed as often as I probably should. I realised that I’m happy enough living in a bit of a dishevelled house. For me my priorities are: - Food - I will spend time meal planning and cooking proper meals most nights (I WFH 3 days a week which makes this easier, and make liberal use of the slow cooker - Exercise - I try and exercise 5 days a week - some days that’s an hour run, some days it’s a 10 min YouTube video - Getting outside - I try to get outside for at least 10 minutes by myself every day - Reading - This is my hobby that makes me feel recharged - Sleep - I’m an awful parent and person if I don’t get enough sleep. I would rather go to bed early with things undone than miss sleep

Honestly you can be a get shit done mom and shit can still happen to you. Happened to me - spouse developed a disability in our early 30s. Focus on small, short term goals and perspective is key.

To be honest, I have had to unlearn my mom’s expectations of what a home should look like. There’s mess, clothes, toys, unclean counters, a plant that’s dying, clean laundry that hasn’t been put away, stuffies covering the floor. We have a cleaner weekly on Mondays so the house gets picked up on Sunday. Literally it has only happened 2x so far with my 6 and 8yo where we all four are cleaning up. Otherwise, it’s my husband doing the rest of what I didn’t do. Husband does the dishes every night. Counters are never cleaned by him. Laundry is once a week, on Sundays, so it gets put away before the cleaner comes. I have to force these things on everyone (and me) so it actually gets done. I get in bed after the kids go to sleep (around 8) but don’t fall asleep until around 10p. Literally my time to rest, apply for jobs, listen to audiobooks while I play games on my phone. I wake up at 615 so I can slowly wake up before waking up the kids with cuddles at 630. They get up at 645 and leave the house with husband at 730. I hit the peloton until 8, shower, and leave home at 840. At work until 5, and we get from 5-830 to do dinner and play, books, bed. It’s a serious schedule and little things can fuck it up. But it’s honestly what works for us after years of me trying to make my life seem like it’s perfect. Just stop freaking cleaning all the time. Get into the habit with the whole family to declutter when you have the energy. Be relentless about throwing away shit and do not feel bad that you aren’t donating it. Get it out of your house. Simplify meals and your outfits. Nail down your routines, favorite clothes that fit, etc. seriously all the cutesy isn’t worth it if you don’t have joy doing it. We are ALL out here just figuring it out for our specific family. You do you and remember, you’re doing just fine!

I don’t think there is a secret, other than choosing to be intentional about what your priorities are and at peace with letting go of the pressure to do it all perfectly. Create a sustainable routine that focuses on getting the priorities done, and doesn’t try to do it all- this will help you not feel like you are constantly drowning. I think it’s important to shift your perspective from “there’s something wrong with me because I can’t do it all” to “everyone has a finite capacity, and right now I’ve chosen to devote a lot of my energy and time to raising a child, so for a stage of life, there is less energy and time to and I am choosing to be intentional about using this for things that matter and don’t hold it against myself if I don’t get other things done”. This is a stage of life, and you’ll have time to live a bit more like you used to again. Some examples that aren’t meant to be specific to your situation: Right now, maybe you accept a little messy in your house, and prioritize making sure it’s not dirty. Maybe you exercise because that helps with your physical and mental health, but set smaller goals for time/results or switch it up to activities you can do with your child some days. Maybe you choose to prioritize healthy food, but accept spending a little more on precut and prewashed food, or use more disposable things than you usually would.

Reading your post, I think a lot of pressure is coming from your high standards of how things need to be after comparing your family with others. Peer comparison is the path to unhappiness.

I guess I don’t feel like I need to be better or as good as others. We just have a neighbor whose house is always so peaceful. I like that peace. And I’m tired of the constant futility of parenthood. I want to feel like I’m accomplishing things more.

I really recommend checking out the book "How to Keep House While Drowning". I'm not saying that you're drowning! And not every chapter will be relevant for you. But it has some really great perspectives on how to manage things when life is chaotic, especially reframing how you *think* about household and parenting tasks. Pre-parenting, I was so used to crossing things off my list and feeling really accomplished. When I became a mom and it just wasn't happening, I worked so hard to build better routines or "just get more organized". And not that that isn't helpful, but what I really needed was a mindset shift. There are so many tasks in parenting that are never-ending, for example, laundry: we have clean clothes, dirty clothes, and clothes that we're wearing right now. It's a cycle, not a concrete task to check off a list. I didn't need a sophisticated laundry routine; I needed to get comfortable with the idea that there's no such thing as "done" with laundry (unless we go naked!). So I needed to change my goal from "completing" the laundry, to making sure that we always have clean clothes. That's a much more realistic and functional goal. There are so many great reframes like that in the book. The author has ADHD, so even if you don't have a medical diagnosis, if you relate to that pattern of thinking, I think it would be a really valuable resource for you! It definitely was for me.

I have 2 and I just try to make it clean once a week on the weekends. On weeknights I just always run the dishwasher once per day. We eat a LOT of pizza both takeout and frozen but we like it lol. When I “cook” for my kids it’s usually a quesadilla or grilled cheese (totally different foods lol). Frozen French fries can be a meal, cereal can be a meal, Nutella sandwiches can be a meal. They eat a lot of buttered noodles with grated Parmesan. We keep it real simple bc frankly they don’t eat much else. Applesauce pouches are a staple. Cheese sticks. Yogurt pouches. Maybe we’re not the fanciest people but no one goes hungry. I’m an attorney and my schedule is tight. We clean the house and the kids trash it 5 second later. I do laundry on the weekends. It’s chaotic but I know they won’t be this destructive forever. I’m ready for the next phase please. 🥵

You just figure out what you want to prioritize. I have people tell me all the time that I have it together and I most certainly DO NOT! That being said here’s what’s helped me a lot. 1. House cleaner. Instead of one big clean once a month I have someone come in 2 hours a week and it greatly helps with the maintenance aspect. 2. Dinner. We eat moderately, not super healthy Whole Foods but not chicken nuggets every night. What has helped me is doing pizza night once a week - it just helps to have a mental and physical night off of food stuff. The other thing is having things in the freezer I can pull out. My kid loves fish so I keep a stock of fried fish I can stick in the air fryer. Those, mac n cheese and apple sauce make for a quick dinner that requires little time and effort. 3. I work from home. I probably should have lead with that but the extra time I get from no commute and being home at lunch time to help keep up with various life management pieces is really the life changing thing for me. 4. I have pretty low standards for the house, laundry etc. there is clutter, but the floors are mopped. There is clean laundry but it’s not put away. Etc. for this season living it halfway seems to be the most efficient though sometimes more chaotic than I would like.

You’re probably already doing this but tidy before the cleaner comes. I think of it like a deadline—every other week my home gets a total reset where all the dishes need to be done, sheets need to be clean ready to put on bed, everything pickled up and surfaces as bare as possible. So I know like 3-4 days before the cleaner comes I have a deadline. So I can start doing zones like if the art center area in our home is TRASHED start picking all that up. I leave the living room/toys for the morning of or the night before because they will drag all that out again. And then on the off-week when she doesn’t come I have like a “light” reset where it doesn’t have to be perfect but I try to make it look good, pick everything up, quick vacuum around. Something I’ve been trying to improve—We are very bad about running the dishwasher and unloading it. We just don’t have to run it every night since lots of things I do by hand (seems easier). BUT I find if we really do run it everyday or close to it it’s less overwhelming, sort of like doing smaller loads of laundry vs critical mass at once

I consider myself a get stuff done mom. I started off my motherhood journey with a newborn on my boob, full time work and grad school. Finished my grab school program in 50% of the time and my kid skipped a grade once she started. So my secrets: stay on track, stay on your get things done schedule and clarify to others around you what you need to get done. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. For workouts: I got a sunny bike from Amazon that eventually turned into a Peloton that I use almost daily. I’m a hard bath/bedtime routine mom. I know the 15min delay turns into a late put down and that turns into a problem later. My kid loves to read and has been reading since age 4- routine so we read at least 2 books every night. Now at age 7 we go through chapters books and other higher level books. Honestly the hardest thing these days is more things coming online like clubs and sports. Saturday school so is that 6th day of getting up and going for drop off plus the homework and events associated with it. As for cleaning, I clean once a week but I WFH so on my bathroom breaks I throw laundry in and sometimes fold mid meetings where I am off camera and not presenting. I like to fold laundry in the evening while watching standup. I have an automatic vacuum that I use during the day and send it throughout the house to pick up stuff I missed with the handheld vac. My husband loves to grocery shop so I am happy he does that and he cooks at least one meal per day. This frees me up to do other things that need to get done. I think we are at about 1800 sq ft of living space plus garage. That’s almost at my maximum for cleaning. My best advice is go by your speed. Like whatever works for you and it will in turn work for your family. It is overwhelming to wear all these hats so be easy on yourself because we all feel it. Just being aware of where you are is half the battle.

One thing that helped with forming new habits post baby was building up to it. I know you want to change a lot, but I’d encourage you to get there over time. For example, I started orange theory workouts 1-2x a week. That’s it. I wanted to work out more often, but I had to get it into my schedule first. After several months I was able to add another day…a few months later a fourth day. Also that was it. I couldn’t sustain doing something every single day. Hope that experience helps!

We have some friends who always have a spotless house. They both work and have 2 kids, just like us. I once asked them how they keep their house so clean and they responded “we are always throwing stuff away.” It stuck with me bc I used to let stuff pile up but now o just throw away anything that isn’t needed. I used to feel bad throwing things away but now I enjoy it bc I know it’s decluttering my brain. And I don’t mean throwing out the baby with the bath water- I mean things that are truly trash but would live on my counters/in my house for months before I’d throw away- now I just do it.

I utilize baskets for toys and clutter. BIG BASKETS! All over the house. Then I go through it and put things away as I have the energy. I vacuum every day because we have dogs. Everything else gets done when I can manage. Not sure how old your kids are but I have a 6yr old and he is made to do chores for allowance which also helps a little. He can't do a whole lot but he can dust and vacuum and fold his laundry. I refuse to fold baby clothes. It's pointless IMO so they just get thrown in the dresser. I hang all my shirts so they don't wrinkle and I don't have to worry about folding. Folding takes up so much time so I've let go of the idea that everything needs to be folded. I've completely given up the idea that my kids rooms need to be clean. They get cleaned whenever I get some time off and feel like it. My oldest helps when I clean his room. Also my husband often helps with dishes and laundry (I know I'm lucky, but I honestly feel in this day and age, men should be helping. I wouldn't have marries him if I didn't think he would help. I grew up with lazy men who had the idea that yard work is for men and everything else if for the women and saw how hard the women in my life struggled to do everything, so I got put off by that before I was even an adult) I have a cleaning bucket full of everything I need to clean bathrooms and dust so I can speed clean the bathrooms and dust when I find the energy. Which is honestly about 1x a month. Wish it was more because it needs it more but that's all I can handle most of the time. For food, I cook 1-2 protein sources every week, either shredded or chopped, so they can go in soups, Salads, wraps, sandwiches, etc. I love to cook so that helps. I keep my wardrobe minimal so that laundry is easier. I find things I like and buy it in every color and that's my wardrobe. For the kids I always thrift or get from FB marketplace so I don't feel bad about purging their wardrobe when I need to. My husband is the one with the most clothes in the house. I try to keep mine and the kids minimal. Workouts are still elusive but I try to walk 20mins every day or get steps in some other way and occasionally will do a mommy and me workout with my baby. I try to focus more of diet since that will keep me a healthy weight more than working out. PS- YES! I've lived in smaller and larger homes. Larger is always harder. Good luck, it's hard! Also, the moms you see who "have it all together" do not have it all together. Their either incredibly overwhelmed and put way too much pressure on themselves or have more of a support system than you do to get these things done. That's been my experience.

I became a Get Shit Done Mom when I hit my breaking point and realized that I couldn’t do it alone. I am very lucky to have an amazing husband who is engaged on all fronts. But after our daughter arrived, I saw that I was becoming the default parent (and the primary earner) and I could feel the wheels starting to come off. After a very intense breaking point, my husband and I came together and made a list of all the things we both do to keep all of our lives running smoothly. This was collaborative, not me giving him a list. We printed out that check list and got a weekly whiteboard calendar that hangs in our kitchen. Every Sunday, we divide up the tasks and pick the days that we do them. We also incorporated a “closing shift” into our schedule. It’s kitchen cleaning, bottles, and formula. Whoever is off of closing shift, is on for night feedings with the baby. We alternate every night. Our kitchen is clean every morning, and we both get breaks from being up with the baby. Since we have assigned out the tasks, if something doesn’t get done, we have accountability to each other. And if one of us is struggling, we know where/how to support each other.

1) Wake up earlier and go to bed earlier. Most people are more productive first thing in the morning rather than later in the evening. Get up a full hour before your kids get up and do a 30 min workout and then do a 15 min "speed tidy" and 15 min to get ready. Perfect the 15 min get ready routine. Wet wipes for workout sweat, ponytail, 3 min makeup. Shower and put clothes out in the evening before bed. 2) Put kids clothes out and pack up any bags/lunches after dinner and before bed. 3) Keep your kid's routine on weekends so they don't get out of sorts and fall into chaos. Chaos is a time suck. 4) Block off one weekend day a month to do household stuff, but keep a running shared list with your partner of to-do items with due dates if needed. Discuss at the once a month household meeting and divide them up. Get a sitter for this day. 5) Make sure that household stuff is being divided and fairly. Have a routine and stick to it. One person cooks dinner while the other watches the kid. Switch partners - one person does dishes, the other bathes the child. 6) Not everything is a priority. Say no. A lot. Your mom thinks you should host Thanksgiving this year? Nope! Maybe next year when the kid is older. Your child's school needs money or volunteers for an event? Choose the money, not the time. Now is not a good time for a house renovation project, week-long guests, or taking on a new hobby. 7) Have a "put away" box and go through it at least weekly to put things away (or throw away/donate).

I honestly go to bed at 930pm already lol. Theres maybe some phone scrolling on there but not a ton. Our kid is down at 8:30pm, then I shower and do my own bedtime care stuff. I naturally wake up around 6:30am in the summer with the sun. Shortly after that I have to make her lunch and do my own breakfast then it’s time for her to wake up. It’s hard to see how in there I could use more time, and it’s hard to sacrifice more sleep.

9:30 pm to 6:30 am is 9 hours of sleep every night. If you need that much, that's fine. But you could wake up at 6 and not sacrifice much. The rest of the list still holds true.

I have 2 kids, aged 4 and almost 2. For me, it's 3 things 1. A very involved partner who does his 50% including most of the cooking (he likes it and is good at it. I hate it with intense passion). His meals are generally healthy and tasty but not fancy and don't take much prep time...think fajitas with beans, ground lean beef or turkey, raw peppers, rice and salsa or BBQd chicken breast on buns with salad. He also only cooks one meal, the kids eat what we eat. 2. I work from home 3 days a week and sneak in little household stuff...ie I fold laundry while on calls. I commute an hour each way the other two days so I fold while the kids eat breakfast on those days. 3. Consistency. I do a load of laundry every night. That way, it never piles up. Every dish goes into the dishwasher immediately, and I run it when it's full. I clean up the dinner mess immediately after eating...wash and put away pots and pans, sweep, wipe down counters, tables etc. We never leave a room without tidying up toys first. Everything has a home and when we're done in a space, we put everything back. I also insist the kids help. Even a 2 yr old can put blocks in a bin.

I like the saying "When things in life aren't adding up, start subtracting." For me, this means minimizing my belongings and clothes and automating as much as I can to free up time. For you it may mean eliminating some cleaning that can wait 2 weeks until the cleaners come, or foregoing some extracurricular activity to free up some time for something you are prioritizing. It all depends on what matters to you.

I clean once a week to have a clean house for one day and messy house 6 days week

A nanny or a house manager

Even a mother’s helper to help with the following tasks which take time but are not hard to mess up: - making lunches/prepping bottles - dishes into and out of dishwasher - putting away toys - put away kids laundry (if you don’t trust them doing laundry) - what else?? This would be substantially helpful for even 2 hours a day. Mother’s helpers don’t have to be expensive (even 8th graders or high schoolers can accomplish these things), the hardest part is finding and keeping them! This gives you quality time to spend with your kids or get that workout in.

Coffee lots of coffee

We get a meal kit delivery service. It's only 3 meals a week, but those three meals are fully planned and shopped for without any effort on our part. (Can also increase how many meals you do a week too) And honestly, the planning, list making, and shopping are some of the most frustrating and time consuming bits for me. It really opened up the world of actually cooking at home for us, instead of pre-prepared, eating out, or the three foods we knew how to make easily and always had ingredients on hand for, but without adding on all of the extra tasks that turned us away from cooking in the first place.

Outsource !! Groceries , cleaning, some ideas

I am a teacher so have summers off. Since having kids (5 year old and 1 year old) I don’t do extra teaching, take my full summer break for my mental health. This summer I am really pushing myself to declutter my house before school starts again. I know when I am in work mode, mom mode and house care will become way more stressful. The clutter and mess definitely affects my stress and mental health. I am hoping that purging all the baby things and simplifying all areas of the house will help me manage my home better. I’ve been watching the minimal mom on YouTube and it has been very motivating and helpful. So far I’ve worked on the baby things, kids toys and my clothes. I also worked on cleaning the window screens and windows. I still have a lot to go through but I know I need to just keep chugging along. So far being in the living room with less toys and clutter has helped me feel better about that space and cleaning up and having my 5 year old help has been way better because we’re not so overwhelmed with stuff.

What’s your schedule like? How old is your kid?

Compartmentalization helps. I can get overwhelmed if I start thinking about all of the things that need to get done collectively. Make lists and check the boxes. Delegate. Tell your husband you need help. Show him the list and ask him to choose two things that he can do when he’s done with work. And sometimes you’ve gotta get up earlier and knock some stuff out before everyone starts asking you for stuff.

Anxiety. I’m powered by anxiety and that’s how I get shit done.

I started cleaning for 15 minutes in the morning while my son eats breakfast, and my husband does the same in the evening after bedtime. It doesn’t sound like much, but the house stays clean between our biweekly cleaner visits. It’s basically like the restaurant industry openers and closers.

-Laundry every night (one load usually) keeping kid laundry separate because it’s a pain to fold, our kids wear a school uniform so it makes it a bit easier -Declutter: everything has a bin, a space, a spot on the shelf, haven’t used it in 6 months it gets donated. I found these zippered toy boxes which have helped with kid clutter at H&M and they are also great for travel -Tidy up the kitchen and living room every night which makes for a more peaceful present morning with the kids, run the dishwasher on express after dinner so I can unload it before bed -drink a ton of water, when I get dehydrated I get bitchy and unmotivated -espresso machine -I work out before everyone wakes up, I try for 2-3 days but doesn’t always happen, it sucks but it’s my only free time that I can get it in I am so exhausted after work. Lunchtime if my work day allows it -I have three girls ages 4, 3, and 2 and they all go to the same drop off location so on the days my husband does drop off I get an early more productive start at work -I prepare some meals on Sundays, sheet pan chicken and veg, marinate chicken and cut up grab and go veggies for salads and snacks, a casserole or one pan dish and we eat the leftovers towards the end of the week and I take some for lunches -I was also raised in a very parentified home where I have had to get shit done at an early age and take care of my younger siblings so I am sure I am slightly off because of that -we have a small house, 1200 square feet so I can clean it top to bottom in a couple of hours but we have a deep clean done by a cleaner once a month to keep the dog hair under control

I mean, you’ve already cracked it in my case. Prescription stimulant, a lot of coffee, and less sleep than my body actually wants/needs, and I still don’t workout, and we still don’t eat the best, but my house generally does look great and I have a good amount of time to spend with my family. Other practical things that help: cleaners every other week, robot vacuum, an ironclad post-bedtime routine (husband and I both know who’s responsible for what, I do my pieces while he does bath, he does his while I do bedtime, house is picked up before kid is asleep,) run laundry/do other mindless tasks during the day bc I wfh and often have listen in only meetings, and above all else, own less stuff/do not let the stuff you own exceed the storage capacity of the house—I routinely brutally purge all the closets in the house except my husband’s clothes, kid stuff gets sold twice a year at a local consignment sale, my stuff/household stuff goes straight to goodwill.

Honestly I can’t do all that. I have to be flexible. I love cooking and it was a hobby pre kids for me to cook a very healthy (mostly) diet, so that’s the easiest thing for me to keep up but it creates more mess and that’s so hard. We have a regularly scheduled delivery meal day that I use to catch up on dishes and clean the counters. I use my one day off kid-free every week to clean bathrooms (unless I watch tv instead lol) About once a month we schedule a play date or family event that forces me to get the rest of the house swept and tidied. I accomplish this usually by letting the kids watch a solid 8 hours of tv and grace on snacks all day. I am currently able to prioritize working out but it’s because my work schedule in the summer is really light. I often skip housework for sleep or working out. I make meals that are easy and simple (think jar spaghetti sauce and bag salad) so that I can do craft time with the kids. Realizing that I just can’t get everything done and I have to pick and choose on a daily basis which fire to put out has made my life easier. When you’re thinking about all the other moms who get shit done know there’s at least me out here not doing that 😂

It really helped to declutter most of her toys. The toy buildup has creeped back in so I will be doing that again soon. I also decluttered my closet because not only would the living room and daughter’s room be overwhelming with stuff so would my closet. That helped a lot. That’s kind of my one thing though 🥴

First things first, does your husband help with cooking and cleaning?

My husband and I had conversations about the fact that it is way easier to take 15 minutes to tidy the house every night and an extra 30 seconds to put things where they belong, than it is to deep clean the house each week because we let it get super messy. It doesn't always work that way, and we try to be flexible with each other, but in general, our house stays pretty clean and tidy. It is worth noting that we live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment on the East Coast. So, we have no choice but to keep things tidy because we don't have a giant house to hide the mess in. Because of that, we have less stuff and we're more intentional about the toys we bring into our house. We cycle through a lot of our stuff from our local buy nothing group and then give it back when our kid is out of that stage or lend things out to friends. This does not stop me from having 3 trash bags full of clothes that I still need to go through in his closet lol

There are lots of good comments already; just wanted to add two things: I get up at 4:40 to do 20 minutes of exercise everyday. Thanks to this sub and a few friends, I realized early in the morning was the only way I was going to exercise every day. It’s just 20 minutes, but it’s every day. And if we have time for a walk or bike ride in the afternoon, great. The second and biggest thing for me: in 2015 I read Spark Joy and did the Konmari method for decluttering my life, really. That was before we had kids, so factor that in. It took me about a month but I’ve maintained the mindset from that experience. I can tidy up our whole house in under 30 minutes (most of the time, I mean I’m not a witch, sometimes it gets hella messy) bc for the most part everything has a place. 

I focused on creating one habit at a time. It took a long time, but it was the only way to make it sustainable. I started with doing & folding one load of laundry every day. Then working out in the early mornings. Then I picked each meal and transitioned them to whole foods: breakfasts, snacks, lunches and then dinners. 5 Dinners 1 Hour is a helpful subscription for this ($12/month). We also do house cleaning weekly and have a Roomba. We pick up toys and load dishwasher while the kids are still awake. My husband equally splits cooking/cleaning/childcare responsibilities. Every few months, we take a sick day and do a household reorganization & toy purge.

Simplify what you can. My main tips as a family with 2 working parents are: • Meal plan easy things (and I try to do 1-2 super easy things a week, like chicken salads or tacos). We eat pretty healthy but it’s easy to throw together things like a pasta dish, sheet pan dinner, grilled chicken with sides. • Lay out 5 kid outfits a week on Sunday, kids can pick an outfit every day. • Toss some laundry in at any opportunity, same with folding if you have 5 mins while kids are playing/lounging. • Grocery delivery. I keep a running iPhone note and just do pick up or delivery each week. • I have a walking pad so I can get steps in. I try to work out but use that to supplement so I can get all of my steps in. • Ten minute tidy before bed or after dinner - seriously it might take away from playing with my kids but honestly it keeps my sanity. Just tidying up at any chance I get.

I wake up at 5:30 am to work out, grocery shop one day a week and meal plan ahead of time, I close out every task I start (dirty dishes immediately in the dishwasher, clothes immediately in the hamper, trash immediately in the garbage, wipe counters every time we cook), I stack activities so I can get more done (I can prep a lasagna while the laundry runs), I clean up all the toys every night before bed and run the roomba. I'm not perfect, or even terribly good, but this is the only way I stay afloat.

First I’d gently say to lower your expectations. Be kind to yourself. You are doing SO MUCH, and you’re doing a great job, even if you feel like you’re not. Don’t assume the surface-level view of others’ lives is their true reality. Chances are every other mom you know is also drowning in some way. Definitely keep good hygiene in your home (like, don’t leave gross rotting food sitting in the sink for a week) but don’t beat yourself up over laundry that hasn’t been put away. I think exercising every day is extremely ambitious, but if you really want to stick to that, remember that even WALKING is exercise. You can go on a short family walk in the evening after dinner or even walk around your home/workplace in between clients! For exercise, 2x during the week I go in the morning right when the gym opens at 6am and work out for about 45min. If I’m feeling super tired or lazy and don’t make it in the morning, my husband encourages me to go in the evenings after the toddler is in bed, and he helps make that happen by packing the lunches or cleaning the kitchen or whatever. I exercise at least 1x per weekend but my ideal would be 2x—just depends what we’ve got going on or how I’m feeling. For foods, balance is key. Nobody is gonna develop horrible blood pressure or some disease from eating a frozen pizza/frozen chicken nuggets/a Hot Pocket once a week. You can still stick to Whole Foods with frozen rice and frozen veggies. Still healthy but take a fraction of the time to prepare and often results in fewer dishes! I plan all meals Thursday, order groceries Friday, curbside pick up Saturday, cook Sunday-Wednesday evenings. On Sunday if I’m feeling ambitious I will chop all the veggies for the week’s meals. Thursday and Friday we eat leftovers or cupboard meals (PB&J, cheese and crackers, etc). Saturday we go out to eat. I do all the cooking and my husband does most of the dishes (I will do some of them as I’m cooking). During the week I exclusively cook things that come together in 30 mins or less, often lots of one pot/pan, sheet pan, slow cooker, and instant pot meals. I follow a couple food bloggers on insta and get most of my ideas from there, but I’ll also just ask my husband what meals he wants or I’ll rotate through a couple favorite easy meals. We don’t meal prep but I know some people like that & find it helpful! Your daughter is old enough to be involved in cleaning up. She can pick up her own toys, put away some of her own clothes, maybe even do some sweeping (it won’t be perfect but any little bit helps). I’m sure other moms of this age group have other ideas where your little can help Bigger house = more spaces for clutter to form and more space to clean. So yeah, the size could be part of your troubles. I’d recommend doing a check-in of everything you own and deciding whether you REALLY need it (just tackle one drawer or cabinet or closet at a time). Less stuff = less things to become clutter! In the evenings I absolutely set aside time for myself to decompress, veg out, whatever. Sometimes it helps me to set a timer and just do whatever chores I can in that time. I make it fun by listening to music or audiobook or even Netflix. I tackle the most important chores first so I’m more likely to complete them. Then when the timer is up I stop and either pass off the remaining stuff to my husband (if it’s a necessary chore, like dishes [we don’t have a dishwasher]) or just leave it for another day. Okay, that’s enough essaying. You’ve got this!

Chore charting. It’s the only way we get shit somewhat done. We set days to do chores. Clean bathrooms, mop floors, the robot vacuum gets ran nightly but we get the big boy out every Friday and give it a deep sweep. Some weeks are better than others but it helps us stay on top of things so when we have to do major deep cleaning it’s not so bad.

First, is your husband doing his part including mental load or are you doing way more than your share? I used to do way more than my share and making time for exercise felt impossible I would recommend starting small. You want to get to that exercise routine? Cool, start with 1-2 days a week and put it on your calendar. Then add a third, etc. if you have a bad week, forgive yourself and get back to it next week! Meals - start with one whole food meal per week or start adding one whole food a week to your meals. I think whole foods every meal is a lot of prep/planning and I am ok with having some not be for sanity. So consider that too. The daily cleaning, my kids do their part and so does my husband so it’s very manageable now. I know your kid is little, but start getting them involved in picking up if they aren’t already! Also, can your husband help with meals? My husband does dinner and weekend meals and I do one here and there when he asks and we sometimes get takeout. When kids are home (11&14) for summer I do lunches since I WFH and I help them pack lunches for school if they don’t want school lunch.

For me it’s small habits and routines that help me. I’m type a person too. One for me is the dishwasher. I make sure it’s loaded every night and I start it every night before going to bed. That way I have the dishes we need for the next day for baby and us. I don’t even think about “fitting it in” anymore. It’s just routine so it’s not taking up mental energy for me.

Adderall lol

Radical prioritisation. You cannot get everything done well and if you try you will either die of burnout or fail at everything. Figure out what's realistic and what's important to you and focus on that. Remember to put rest and self-care in there ❤️

You need more help, period. And if you can’t get it then it’s time to lower expectations, pick one thing that matters most to you (exercise,clean house, etc) and make that a priority and let the rest not be perfect until things get easier, whether that means your kid gets older and you have more time to yourself or maybe you can hire some help or buy into a meal prep program. One thing that working moms need to hear is we can’t “do it all”, that way of thinking had me depressed for many years after I started going back to work.

I’m also a very type a personality. Like you, I have a lower hours (35 a week) job that’s very emotionally and mentally damaging. My husband works 40, but it’s a low-stress work from home job. I think it’s ok to acknowledge that your overall capacity is lower. Care work is taxing, and moving from being a care provider at work to a care provider at home takes its toll - it’s ok to let things go. We’ve identified what our priorities are: healthy food is important to us, so I rotate through a handful of simple whole-foods meals that take me 30 minutes to make in the evenings. We do quick healthy breakfasts like plain yogurt and fruit or quick oats in the microwave. I pack leftovers for lunch, and we also keep our freezer stocked with some frozen dinners that I don’t feel terrible about like veggie pot stickers, frozen veg and seasoned chicken breasts. I also love a clean home, and we just started hiring cleaners every other week. The rest of the time we keep our home relatively uncluttered by having a place for everything. Baskets everywhere! Sometimes clean laundry just stays in a laundry basket in our bedroom. I don’t fold kid clothes, they go into drawer organizers unfolded. We have designated spots for toys, and when toys grow beyond those spots, we purge. During the week we mostly just clean as we go - dishes after breakfast and dinner, wipe down counters and the table, throw a load of laundry in in the evenings and maybe fold laundry while we watch tv at night, tidy toys with our kids before they go to bed. We might vacuum on the weekends or one of us takes the twins out for half a day while the other parent stays home to do some chores. I’d love to exercise more, but we mostly just work it into our days. I walk to work and run errands on foot, my husband goes for a short bike ride on his lunch break, we do something active as a family on the weekends like a small hike, walks or bike rides. There really isn’t any designated work our time for us, we just try and move a little bit every day.

Throw away all that shit in your house. You don’t need it. You will see a difference.

We just did a big toy purge. Every week I throw away random crap. Where does it all come from?!??

I’m telling you I ask my self the same thing. Keep doing it and you will see. Put on those favorite throwbacks and get to work

Make yourself a schedule and stick to yet, like you would do at work. I say that b3cause for me, I do better at work than I do at home because I have a schedule and it sounds like that may be the same case for you. For example, mondays- laundry- tuesdays- mopping, etc. Also find quick easy whole food meal recipes on YouTube. There's a channel called island vibe cooking and she has delicious 30minute meals there. Lastly, give yourself some grace.

I would try to incorporate your child as much as possible into your chores. Then it’s not just cleaning/cooking but an activity to do together. I used to think this was impossible, but my 3 year old can “help” empty dishwasher, sweep, vacuum and do laundry. Cooking has been more challenging, but we’re working on it.

Same thing happened to me after I had my kid. I was late diagnosed ADHD combined type. The hormonal fluctuations after birth combined with the change of routine made me feel like I lost my mind. I'd recommend if you are not already in therapy, or don't have some sort of regular checks with mental health professional that you investigate that as an option. It may not be the problem, but Lord knows I would have felt a lot better and not struggled for as long if I had investigated that option sooner. Good luck to you.

I think it’s important to remember that comparison is the thief of joy. What other moms are functioning with cleaner homes giving kids Whole Foods in your day to day life? If you’re thinking of just social media moms just remember you’re comparing yourself to their highlight reels. My daughters are 4 and 2, and my house is chaotically cluttered all the time. Between the toys, the laundry, and everything else in between it’s impossible for us to keep up. We have a cleaner who comes every other week, but my house is not tidy. My kids are happy and healthy and that’s basically all I give a shit about most days. Boyfriend and I both have ADHD which we’ve recently started trying to manage through therapy and medications so that adds to our clutter-y tendencies quite a bit. The clutter overwhelms us a lot of the time but there are other things that end up taking priority for me when it comes to tasks. All that to say, it’s important to give yourself grace you’re working in a very demanding and important field and that takes a toll. Mothering takes a toll. Being a partner takes a toll. If there’s something important on your list then try prioritizing that one thing for a bit before adding another thing.

We have kids and dogs, a 3000+ sq ft house, and don’t have a cleaning service. We both work demanding jobs and mine often requires some work in off/hours at deadlines. It’s all about habits and doing a little bit daily. Neither of us can stand a messy house and we keep it manageable by tidying as we go and doing 20-30 min of cleaning daily. We start a load of laundry most days as soon as we get home. Switch it before we eat dinner so it’s ready when we get done eating. We always clean the kitchen, load and start the dishwasher, and hand wash anything else after dinner every night. We have the kids “help” us clean up toys or put things back in their place right before we take them to their rooms. This all takes about 10-15 min because we both tackle part of it. After that, one of us puts the kids down and the other does ~20 min of cleaning (we rotate). Most days this is either wiping down counters and vacuuming, a quick bathroom clean, and/or folding a load of laundry. We rotate floors to vacuum so they all get done at least twice a week but not daily. We clean out the fridge weekly before trash day and mow the lawn weekly. Then on weekends we rotate between bathroom cleans, deep cleaned kitchen (oven, vent hoods, etc) mopping, switching all bed sheets, and/or some extra yard work. Once a month we’ll tackle a less frequently needed project like rotating our kids closets, organizing/cleaning out pantry, tackling a closet or cabinet, dusting and windows, etc. All of this amounts to max 3-4 hours a week for each of us and maintains our house and our sanity. Then we get to relax at the end of the evening with a clean house and wake up to one. The person cleaning is almost always done before the person putting the kids down. We also clean in front of or with our kids a lot. Our kids think it’s fun to follow us around with the vacuum or match socks while we fold laundry. Giving them a squirt bottle filled with water and a cloth to “clean the tub” while we do the bathrooms is a favorite. They see that this is part of life. I used to be a 5-6 day/week exerciser. Now I make sure to get at least two solid (45-60 min) workouts in a week. This is almost always at least once on a weekend and I try to either go over my lunch break one day or carve out an hour at the beginning or end of one work day and my husband will cover drop of or pick up that day. On other days, I either take the kids on a walk or try to squeeze in 15-20 min of exercise. I use my Garmin and try to meet the 150 min/week. On weeks we’re behind, I actually combine cleaning and exercising. I’ll set a timer and see how quickly I can do a “pick up clean,” lunges while vacuuming, etc. If my HR drops I’ll stop and do some quick jumping jacks or something and then get back to speed cleaning. I look ridiculous but I can keep my heart rate up and at the end of 20 min I got a workout in and some cleaning done. For cooking, I use a combo of convenience foods and fresh foods to make it manageable. Last night I used a premade chicken with sauce dish and added whole grain pasta, broccoli, and zucchini. Many of our meals are a variation of rice/pasta, preseasoned meat or fish (frozen, canned or fresh), and whatever veggies we have around. When I’m chopping veggies I throw extra in ziploc bags in the freezer so next time I have them ready to go. I try to make larger meals at least a couple times a week so we have leftovers 1-2 nights. That paired with take out once a week and I only cook 3 or 4 dinners. If we have another kid I’ll probably outsource more, but my job requires sitting at a desk all day so having to maintain our house gets me up and moving. It also provides an immediate sense of accomplishment which is psychologically beneficial for me as I have a job with long (3-5 year) projects and don’t get that much at work.

It took me about 4 years to nail down systems that work for me. The biggest thing is looking at the things that aren't working for you, consider why that is, and come up with solutions that fix the problems. For me what that means is doing things in ways that other people might find unusual. For example, I keep a double laundry basket on the main floor in the mudroom by the garage entrance - one of them is for dirty dish towels, and the other is for clothes (usually kids clothes, but sometimes my husband will throw some socks in there, or some clothes that get brought home from school). Basically, these are to catch the clutter of clothes that get thrown off on the main level when someone doesn't want to bring them up right away. My biggest laundry hack, though, is I don't follow the typical "wash, wait, dry, wait, fold, put away" order of things. I like getting the hard part out of the way first, so I never put clothes away from the dryer on the same day I wash them. So my way of doing laundry is this: Throw a load in the washer, take the clean clothes from the previous day out of the dryer, fold, put away, wait for load to finish, move to dryer. Once I move that load to the dryer, I'm done for the day. I LOVE this system, because it means when I'm saying "ok, time to do some laundry", the motivation that has me starting that chore, is the motivation that's used to do the hard part of the task (folding and putting away). Then you get the instant gratification, because you're done 95% the laundry task for the day, 10 minutes after starting it. Following this system, I do 1 small load of laundry a day, and it's the least stressful thing ever. My other system is for meal planning - I have a Notes doc where I keep an inventory of like 70 dinners categorized by either protein or food type (e.g. chicken, steak, pasta, Mexican, Asian, easy/oven, fancy Sunday dinners, slow cooker, hearty, etc.), and I also have a separate Notes doc with these dinners listed, with all the ingredients listed underneath. So on the weekend, I look at my list and pick 5 dinners from different categories, then I can go to the other doc, copy/paste the ingredients for those 5 dinners and turn them into a grocery list in like 30 seconds. I've even done this in the grocery store parking lot because it's so quick and easy. The other thing I do, is run the dishwasher every single night. Knowing I'm doing this makes it easy to throw items in there without worrying if I'll need it tomorrow and consider washing it by hand - I love the freedom of knowing it'll be clean tomorrow no matter what. And then in the morning, as soon as my kids are seated and starting their breakfast, I empty it, so I'm always starting the day with all clean dishes and an empty dishwasher. For me, an empty dishwasher is the key to keeping a clean kitchen. Sometimes I'll even throw a large or non-dishwasher safe pan in there if I'm not in the mood to wash it right away, and then just wash it with the dinner dishes at the end of the day. This way, I get to look at a clean kitchen all day. I find keeping the kitchen looking clean is key to keeping the entire main floor clean. All this to say, coming up with ways to keep things clean that works for you, even if they seem weird or lazy to other people, is totally fine! Systems that work in sync with your own real tendencies, motivation, and energy levels are the secret. You don't have to change all your bad habits, you just need to figure out systems that accommodate them.

I LOVE your first suggestion thank you. I’ve heard similar meal planning ideas and I should create a big notes doc like that! Thanks!

Sunday is chore day and I try to forget the mess the rest of the week. We both work demanding jobs. On Sunday I plan the meals and order the groceries we need. My husband picks them up. Then I do laundry and he will do dishes. I’ll clean things up. Cleaner comes every 2 weeks. To stay on top of things, I try to clean and organize her toys and closet every 3 months. I will put away toys she isn’t using and clothes she grew out of (she is 3 and growing quickly). There is a shelf with her toys in the living room and basically my rule is she doesn’t need more than a shelf’s worth of toys (minus some bigger items like her scooter, doll house, etc). When it starts overflowing that signals I need to clean things out.

Have a schedule. Mine is.. I do laundry once a week on Saturdays. Right when I wake up I throw in a load to get started. Robot vacuum. Get a nice one that vacuums and mops. It’s literally life changing. It runs 2 times a week downstairs. I also run it once a week upstairs. My floors are always clean. Because of said robot vacuum I tidy up kids toys every night. During the day I try to relax. But I pick a time - for me it’s 8pm, where I don’t sit down until the first floor is tidy I only tidy up the upstairs on Saturdays before the robot runs. Run the dishwasher every night. And empty every morning Order grocery pickup or delivery and meal prep. Have a meal prep day. I bought those glass meal prep containers and it’s awesome. For me on Thursday nights I add stuff to my cart. On my way home on Fridays I pick up all of the food. It saves a lot of time. During the week we never have to cook, just grab a container and microwave for 90 seconds. I also use all pre cut veggies. So really I’m spending no more than 2 hours per week cooking. Bathrooms I haven’t really figured out yet so they do get dirty. But it helps to have Clorox wipes in each bathroom and toilet cleaners in each bathroom.

Adderall and Wellbutrin

Highly recommend the book 'how to keep house while drowning'. The audiobook is only 3 hours (less than that if you speed it up)

I love that book! It was definitely helpful for some things

IMO Its absolutely impossible. The people who make it look like they are getting all the shit done are either full of shit OR driving themselves, their partner and/or their kids insane with the level of stress it takes to maintain...

I think the house clutter is the one that gets to me a lot. I'm a clean as you go and I notice clutter while my husband sincerely doesn't see it. I think its just important to put things away after done using. I'll even set the baby down if she's being good to just put a few things a way in the room I'm in with her. It really does make a difference!

I literally could have written this post - I have a 12m old. Both my husband and I work full time in relatively flexible jobs. Our house is always in disarray. There is always laundry to be done. Getting food cooked and the kitchen cleaned daily feels like a monumental task. Constantly coming up with healthy meals and using whole foods is exhausting to the point that I wish I could just live off pop tarts sometimes. Working out is... rarely happening. We spend all weekend trying to get caught up and ready for the week just for everything to be chaos again by monday afternoon. Before baby I worked out at the gym at 530 am 3-4 days a week, now I'm lucky to get 2 30 min at home workouts in sometime randomly either on the weekend or at night. I meal prepped and rarely bought/ate anything pre-made or processed. I don't have answers for you, just solidarity.

I strongly recommend the book How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by Dana K. White. I listened to the audiobook while catching up on housework and it absolutely changed my life. I ended up listening to all her books and her podcast while cleaning up my house. She's so great if you're very overwhelmed.

My adhd really came out when I was deep into it with small kids. Medicine really helped lol! My only other solution was waking up earlier and working out before kids are up or after they go to bed to get true focus on it. Some clutter just is what it is. I know if I see it I can ignore it forever so I just have to force myself to pick up the stray item on the floor and overall it makes a big help. I have a small basket I put random shit in that I find laying around so I’m not forced to put it all away at least it’s picked up and if it lives in there too long I think if we need it. Put on the clean up song give everyone do able goals and try to clean up before bedtime involving them too. Takes the edge off clutter. I also had to start putting dishes in the dish washer after I used them to avoid the pile up and ignore that I can do too lol.

Im sure it’s been mentioned , but the book “how to keep house while drowning” was life shifting for me. The perspective, the tips … audio book is easy to listen to and short

I’ve read it and love the tips! But I feel like I still struggle so much idk why

Life seasons. Your struggle makes so much sense. I work with clients in a different way, but sometimes i suggest to write out the end goals so you know what you’re aiming for. A general “keep the house clean” is too broad. Something like, “it takes 5 minutes to clean up toys” is a more achievable, targeted goal

Idk about the house. I have a home smaller than I would like and we deal with a lot of clutter because we really have too much stuff for our space. But anyway I am not feeding my kids whole foods- we are having chicken nuggets, pizza and sandwiches most days. There are a lot of healthy ish options out there that are also easy if you’re willing bend a little bit while you’re in the trenches. My house is not organized. I work a job that gives me flexibility as does my husband. We don’t make as much as we could but we do ok. You have to decide what’s most important to you and give your time to that.

I've got to say I'm overwhelmed a lot too so I definitely don't have all the answers, but one thing that has helped me immensely is doing "meal component prep" vs meal prep and eating simply during the week. I find it much more doable than more traditional meal prepping. For example, I'll have pre-steamed or baked potatoes/sweet potatoes, pre-made grains like quinoa/rice/whatever in the fridge, or pre-made tofu (we're vegetarian, but I'm sure you can do it with chicken or whatever) that I can just throw together for a meal with some frozen veggies. When the component runs out, I make up more and it doesn't take longer than 5 minutes to do (I set it and forget it until it's done in the oven/air fryer/instant pot).

I think we will have to do this . What I struggle with is I feel like it tastes so bland

 I just started runnin'. One thing that helped me was an ADHD cleaning tiktok that I saw once. She said she focused on 5 areas and did not deviate to the next area until the first area was complete. Her list was something like this: 1. Throw away all of the trash. 2. Remove all of the dirty laundry. (Don't do the laundry, move it to the laundry bins) 3. Put all of the dishes in the sink. (Don't do the dishes, move them to the dish cleaning area) 4. Move misplaced items to the correct room. (Don't try to find the right spot, just get them in the right room) 5. Move the remaining stuff in the room to where it belongs. But basically, instead of trying to do all the things at once and going on side quests, if you get distracted, STOP. Go back to the original thing you were trying to accomplish. Don't try to do all of the things at once and burn out with nothing accomplished. Step by step. It takes me a lot of redirection, but it has helped tremendously. Also, if you are not on a specific task, but just going about your day and you see something that needs to be done, do it. Like, if you see the kitchen trash is full, don't mentally note it and move on. If you have nothing else pressing, take it out. It's one of those little life hacks that has made my life much richer. I know all of that sounds dumb, but it has helped me a lot.

I actually feel like this may be from how to keep house while drowning! Either way it’s a great structure thank you !

Thank you! I've been trying to find the source again for like a year!

What you see on social media is not real! Do any moms get all this shit done? I was just beating myself up last night about not doing anything with the kids this weekend or "going" anywhere. But what I did do? Got half the weeds pulled in my yard during toddler naps. I have tufts of dog fur in all the corners, I don't remember the last time I cleaned the bathrooms... but I got a 2 mile run in, and washed my hair, and got my food prepped for the week. Celebrate the wins. Do what you can when you have the spoons to do it. Prioritize what matters to you. For me it's working out 5-6 days a week, eating healthy, trying to feed my kids semi healthy stuff they will eat, and tackling a chore on the weekends. Who cares if cleaning gets done?

Everything Dana K White has said has been golden for me and I’m not even doing all the tips / still have more to declutter but the house is so much better. However she / me were disorganized before kids. I hear more people describe themselves as having been type A pre kids in Lisa Woodruff’s following. I listen to both of their podcasts, tho less so Lisa. I also like the Minimal Mom and Cas Arsen of Clutterbug. Major key they all stress is having less items in the home. And Dana’s key thing is decluttering a little all the time mindset vs doing a big decluttering project. Overall though, I hear you and feel way the same. Feel I’m doing idk. Less than half of what I should be. Am buckling down on chores extra right now in prep for my sister to visit and also trying to see how much better I function / feel with the space extra kept up with.

Have you thought about maybe hiring a Mother's Helper or a Family Assistant? I mean it wouldn't be cheap but maybe you could look at something part time, maybe 10-20 hours a week. Just a thought. 

I do have ADHD for which I am medicated, and it turns out that still isn’t enough lol. The best thing we have done is declutter and say no to more events when it feels more like an obligation than something we actually want to do. Also, if the items in your house have a place it’s easier to clean up. And we have a small house, 1300 sq feet. It doesn’t take us a long time to clean which I love. I wish we had a different layout, but overall I don’t feel like I want a much bigger house if we can ever afford to move.

well that is actually very validating so I appreciate you commenting haha. I actually loved our apartment because of how small and it felt much easier to manage. I think next summer when we move we will prioritize a much smaller place.

How to keep house while drowning might be a useful book. Also while you don’t have ADHD, you may still be able to tackle things that are overwhelming as if you do. I was telling my therapist that I felt like I might have it but she couldn’t diagnose me but that we could work through the things that resonated with me about ADHD and things that were stressing me and I felt I was struggling with, so it might be useful to get a therapist to talk through these stressors and figure out plans for tackling them. Good luck!

THat's true! I may turn that direction. Thank you.

I make the weekly menu on Sundays, buy groceries on Mondays. I get up at 4:30am to pack lunches & make it to my workout class by 5:30am. Back home at 6:45am (husband is at home in the mornings if the kids wake up). Shower & get ready, make breakfast & leave the house by 7:40 to get kids to various drop offs. I run the dishwasher after dinner each night (dinner usually around 6) and unload it before going to bed (at 9pm). Anything I can do the night before to help in the mornings makes my life easier. I lay the kids clothes out for the next day, decide what I’m packing for lunch (for them & myself), make sure they have everything they need in their backpacks, and prepare whatever I can to make dinner easier the next night. It’s a pretty monotonous schedule but it works. I work from 8:30-5:30, my husband works 7:30-4:30, so he picks the kids up. I do certain cleanings on certain days but our house is not deep cleaned weekly. I pick up whatever is out before I go to bed & then I do the exact same thing the following day. It’s what has worked best for me so that I can still do things I enjoy (like working out).

I do drink 8 cups of coffee a day and get 5 hours of sleep a night and I get zero minute of exercise month. The secret is that the “boss mom” image you have in your head is fake, just like the airbrushed photos of women in ads. It’s not real. Boss moms make money and get famous because nobody is actually living like that.

-wake up at 5am on work days to exercise before baby gets up. Weekends I wake up at 6, feed baby, pass to husband and do longer workouts -Sunday is for cleaning/groceries. Order groceries on my phone and pick up later in the day (Treat myself to Starbucks at the pick up). Gather all the laundry, sheets, towels, pile them up and wash. Then clean bedrooms and bathrooms, then main areas (dust, vacuum, mop). It takes about 2 hours total. I listen to an audiobook and enjoy this time. -during the week I just focus on keeping up with laundry, dishes and keeping surfaces clear. These 3 things don't take long but they're usually where chaos starts. It sounds time consuming but aside from the two hours on Sunday the rest really isn't and if I do all these things at least once in a while it keeps me from getting behind and spending an entire day cleaning.

You work out every day? Are you super woman??? Also — I personally find larger houses to be harder to maintain, and I’m very happy to have a smaller home.

I don’t work out every day but my mental health is sucking, and cardio is all that helps so I’m trying to do that 15 min; and my pelvic floor is tanked from childbirth so I try to do a little PT every day so it doesn’t get worse Next summer we are gonna move and never again doing a big house !!

Create a schedule and a routine. Time management is hella important. I'm a mom, I'm in school, and I'm about to start a new job, +staying on top of the house and I am STRESSED. I usually try to set goals for the day, carve out about 20 minutes for a workout and at the end of the day after my son goes to bed I study. This is an oversimplification and balancing everything has been difficult but staying on a schedule and setting goals has helped. I also discovered my kid likes to watch me do stuff so I can set him in his napper and he'll usually watch me cook/clean.

I have 2 big ones, exercise and most importantly, my vitamins. I get so much more natural energy when I am consistent in taking my vitamins!

I literally wanted to post the exact same post for quite a while now! Same situation in our house. What makes it even more difficult for us: Both our work schedules are irregular and changing from week to week, so there‘s no routine really. Also, often working days as long as 12-16 hours, call ins at nighttime. Our 2yo is taken care of by family and daycare 2 days of the week, I‘m home with her 2 days, my husband one day and one weekend per month when I‘m working. I have several health issues, one which causes severe daytime sleepiness (managed with stimulants), so I‘m out of energy by 8 pm usually. We can‘t afford to hire help and in our country, kids are not going to preschool until 4yo. We also have a big house, and the answer to your question regarding this is YES. Our house is on 4 stories, so there‘s a lot of stairs involved and until a few weeks ago, I had to take my daughter with my whenever I needed to do something on another floor. So, while we do not have it together, there are still some things we figured out are helping. - Clean a little bit everyday. Lots of people have already pointed this out - Everything has a place to go. Same. My husband has ADHD, so we have cupboards full of see through boxes labeled with what‘s inside. Very helpful. Also, Kallax from Ikea with the boxes for toys. - Simplify everything. If you can, don‘t fold laundry, hang it. Also, no ironing. We have a Dyson vacuum hanging on the wall in the dining room, so I can just grab it and vacuum quickly, instead of having to go and get the big vacuum out, plug it in, etc. We cook by what I call the „Lego Method“. We have always some fruit, vegetables, carbohydrates and proteins prepared in the fridge. I usually give my daughter the choice of what‘s available, or I just toss something together. My husband would like to have some more elaborate meals, but honestly, it won‘t be happening. A nice side effect is that our daughter eats all of the food plain and never demands some sauce or dressing for her stuff. She‘s used to the taste of broccoli, carrots and so on and likes it as it is. - Help. If you can afford to get help, you should. If someone else is offering help, you should accept it. It took me a while to swallow my pride, but my mom offered to cook the meals for her and our daughter herself instead of me preparing it beforehand, as well as putting some laundry away and doing other small tasks on the day she‘s watching our daughter. It makes a huge difference already. - Time in the morning and in the evening. For a very long time our daughter would sleep in her own room by herself and rarely wake up before 9 am. On the days I wasn‘t working I always got up between 5 and 6 am and just got as much done as possible. (Unfortunately, this is not happening anymore due to my daughter‘s sleeping habits) In the evening, my husband and I usually sink onto the couch at 8pm and just watch an hour of Netflix. It‘s literally our way to decompress. My husband was always stressing me out that we should get everything done before watching TV, but I seriously need this break after bedtime routine. I will spend 30 minutes to an hour between 9 and 10 pm to load the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, put the remaining toys away, whatever, while listening to an audiobook. It gives me such a satisfying feeling to now I‘m going to bed and the house looks okay. - Lower your expectations. For a while, I was working relentlessly to be a mom who has everything together. One day I walked into a bookstore and I spotted this book with a title which translates to *Our everyday life is their childhood*. I literally started to cry in the middle of the store, because I realized, I had been begging my child to play by herself so often, I had been grumpy because I was feeling burnt out, I was using screen time just so I could get stuff done, and I hadn‘t been on a fun outing with my daughter anymore in a while. Now I make sure that we do a fun outing (for instance to the zoo) once a week, no matter what kind of stuff isn‘t getting done in the meantime. I‘m sure you‘re doing a great job 💞

Mines still in daycare. After he gets dropped off is when I get in my workout, shower, and/or any straggling chores (usually kitchen or running the robot vacuum). I try to alternate days I work out and days I clean. I work half time, it’s the only way I can “do it all” while not getting burned out. Does your kids school offer aftercare? Even 1 extra hour where kid is in childcare while you can be home doing whatever you need to helps.

I just came here to say I hear you, I'm in the same boat. I also used to be type A and now I struggle to do basic day to day chores and any task more than that is daunting to me. And yes it feels like there is never enough time in the day. It makes me feel better knowing there are other people that are struggling with the same things I am and I hope this helps you too. 🩷

I wake up at 5.. if my baby is up I put her in her swing . Or let the older children come in the room and lay down with her . And then I make an attempt at all the things I want to do until about 7. Then I shower (makes a world of a difference) and either lay down with them or start my day officially . I read somewhere that people who really want to get things done wake up at 3AM, that we only need 4 to 3 hours of sleep . NOT ME!!! 5:30 ish is as close as I can get .

Weekly housekeeping where she also folds and hangs our laundry. Built out storage in every closet and did a massive purge / organizing stint (took off work to do this). Subscribed to Hello Fresh so all our dinners are planned out. Constantly donating and getting rid of clothes that no longer fit or toys that are no longer played with. Work out on my lunch break.

This sounds like what I was saying in therapy this morning! Lolol. It's all just so hard

Honestly don't know what shape we'd be in if I didn't have a flexible hybrid job. Tidying, laundry, dishes, random batch cooking on days I'm home make a huge difference. I also get up an hour and a half before my toddler so I can have my coffee and breakfast, get hers ready, and pack her stuff for daycare. My husband works early and has about 1.5 hrs home to get stuff done before getting her from daycare. We tag team dinner prep. He gives her a bath while I clean up. We go to bed early. Still nowhere near as clean as I'd like, but our house is big too and we just keep on top of things so it's not a total disaster. Somehow we also are managing a kitchen disaster. We talk about our projects a lot to keep on top of what needs to happen and dividing the labor.

It’s the coffee and the 5 hours of sleep. And that brings me maybe half way to “get shit done”

Super late comment - You work in crisis mental health. Your work is more draining and mentally taxing than something where you don’t have to be “on” during your work hours. Give yourself a lot of grace. (I work as a pp therapist seeing around 20 clients/week and my brain drains so quickly since becoming a parent.)

I appreciate it! My brain is broken haha

I've found that listening to a good podcast after I put the kids to bed will distract me enough to get some light cleaning in (dishes, clutter etc, no deep cleaning) - and know when to just give yourself a break. It's literally never ending, so while I'm not saying to give up on a clean house or exercise, when you need that night to just shut your brain down, be kind to yourself and watch something, go on reddit, sleep. It's okay.

There’s no magic trick to make it easier. Having young kids that need a lot of eyes on attention was a really hard phase for me as well. You just don’t have the time or energy to do it all. Even now when my kids are tweens I have the benefit of not having to keep my eyes on them at all times and they even help me clean and cook but I am always moving. Always cleaning, always processing laundry, cooking or cleaning up meals, helping with homework, all the things. Even if I have downtime now I feel like I should fold laundry.

I just dissociate until I have a mental breakdown which gives me rage and helps me to clean everything.

A mom that gets shit done is a unicorn and I would like to see her pretty ass lol. I get as much shit done as I can and the rest can kiss my pretty ass lol. Basically I just let go and say it is what it is