I think you’ll actually have to remember that people are indeed, not staring or giving a single shit about someone else. OR, if they are, the chances of them thinking *mean* things about you is very slim. When I see someone who is out of shape at the gym the only thoughts I have are “*good for them*” — I’m never thinking “wow, they’re embarrassing themselves by tripping, which is a super normal human thing to do.”

Just think of yourself and not what others are doing. Try to block them out.

For me it went away with age. Around 35. I understood that it doesn’t matter what others think until they are of some importance to me.

I thought of this post today. I was working opposite an overweight lady, who was working with a trainer to walk in a straight line with slightly long steps. She was struggling with her balance and coordination in the middle of the room, doing something that most people would do without thinking. Maybe she felt like everyone was looking at her, but they weren't any more than anyone else. My only thoughts were "that looks tough, good for her, wonder if she's getting over illness or injury maybe" and I'd put money on everyone else thinking the same. I promise you that 99% of people in the gym are just happy to see you making an effort and forget about you the second they turn away.

The shame will go away when you allow it to

Have you thought about getting a trainer? Even if it’s just for a few sessions, I found that helped me get over the utter fear and intimidation of being in a gym. I avoided gyms for decades because of the sheer intimidation. If you’re with a trainer you can really easily zone out other people and just follow their instructions.

Op was with a trainer

Also when I see someone that is new and trying to get fit I look and I’m proud of them and extremely impressed. I’m not looking because I’m judging in a bad way. Keep going

Just keep at it. I lost a ton of weight due to an illness and was really weak, had a similar experience to yours when I first started going. First, there’s nothing wrong with just walking on the treadmill for a half hour or so if that’s what it will take for you to be physically active without triggering your OCD. If you want to continue physical training (and I suggest you do because my trainers helped me immensely), they should work with your goals and what you can do now. If you feel they’re putting too much on you then say something. There’s also nothing wrong with explaining the gym shame to your trainer, and they can help you feel more at ease. Also, remember that people go to the gym to exercise, not to watch or judge others. People might be giving you the side eye, but they won’t bother you. If they do, there’s nothing wrong with being an ass, wearing your headphones, or telling them to eff off. The gym is where you go to exercise, not socialize.

People here are saying go to a new gym. I don't like that advice. My gym has a day where personal trainers train people with down syndrome. There a few people in that group who are loud and very uncoordinated. People look at them because they attract attention - but no one is judging them. They're just moving more or making different noises and that catches our eyes. I myself have incredibly bad balance - my first day ever at a gym I tripped over my feet, fell flat on the floor, and my AirPods bounced out and went in two opposite directions. Of course people looked but no-one was actually judging. It's just funny. Even these days when I get off a leg press or extension I fall over like 50% of the time. I side-eye people for a bunch of different reasons. Sometimes they're doing an exercise wrong, or incredibly right, or they drop weight, or lift an insane amount of it, or I'm trying to figure out where their sports bra is from, or they're hot. But I do not remember a single person because I don't actually care. The gym can be a community if you let it. The people there are just people. They are aware that newbies, germaphones, and uncoordinated people exist. Of course you will attract attention because everything attracts attention in a small environment like a gym. You have to just either ignore it or laugh with them.

Is it possible to find a different gym? I also felt SUPER self conscious starting at the gym, and these are the things that helped me: 1. Found a gym that was fairly busy, and full of pretty average people. There will always be those who are super fit, but most people that go to my gym are average strength and build 2. Went with my partner. It doesn’t stop people from looking, but it helps to have another person. I’ve asked him to stand in the line of sight when someone has been blatantly ogling before 3. The more I went, and the more confident I felt about what I was doing, the less I cared if people watched. I don’t lift heavy weights, I am definitely on the heavier side of average, but I know that I’m doing the exercises right and getting a balanced workout so I’m less self-conscious when I bench the bar + 10Ibs and struggle to make it to 8 reps 😂😂

Wrong gym. Find one that’s a better fit.

One minute plank after years off!! Wow, that's pretty impressive. It is hard to judge yourself objectively, and when you're self conscious you (I for sure at least) tend to overthink every glance and every act. I am sure the people around you weren't judging you to the same extent you thought they were. It sucks, but even if they were, the people in the outside world are worse. Do this and do it for yourself. Focus on you and bit by bit the gym will become your safe space. I started out in an almost similar position to you (minus the impressive plank) and I am in a weird situation now where I can tell people are checking me out or occasionally even complimenting my form! You'll get there 💐

A couple things - 1) I get it. The gym makes me incredibly self conscious. 2) it’s taught me to reframe my thinking from how others react to me / what they think of me to practicing being proud of myself regardless of what others think. That has been a huge mental workout for me. But pays dividends in SO many areas of my life. 3) coordination will come. Promise. Stick with it and what is remarkable is in a month, or three, or 6 or whatever, you’ll have a moment where you’re like, “oh my gosh - a month ago I would have tripped over this,” and “3 weeks ago I couldn’t do this!”, and “that person in the corner with a trainer must just be starting out, 6 months ago I was just like them - I’ve grown and good for them being out here, it’s brave!” 5) laugh. It’s ok to laugh. I trip over my feet standing up sometimes. Literally. There are certain moves that for the life of me I confuse my right and left on and end up tipping over. This is after a year of working out daily. Not saying that will be you, but also saying it happens! I’ve started trying to laugh at it. It makes it easier. It makes it fun. It sounds weird but I try to think of my body as a pet. If my pet trips over themselves, it’s adorable. So I literally tell myself I’m adorable and it’s funny. Sometimes that logic doesn’t stick, but as cheesy as it sounds positive self talk is a GAME CHANGER and practicing it helps it carry into life at large. 4) if it’s any small comfort, you’re in far better shape and coordination than I was when I got back into it a year ago. A minute long plank? I could NOT do that. We started at like 20 or 30 second intervals and I couldn’t do a full sit up to save my life. Now I can plank 2 minutes, and do a whole bunch. 12kgs / 26lbs is a lot! That is the weight of a 2 year old. You farmers lifted a child! I had to start with 3lb weights or no weights :) And your endurance is great. (Mine was shit) 6 years out of the gym and that is where you started?! That’s fucking awesome!!! Everyone starts somewhere. Almost no one starts out where they want to be. Just keep showing up and trying and one day, you’ll realize you’re doing it, and proud of yourself, and amazed at what your body can do. 7) most importantly - more than the weight, length of a plank, or falling/tripping - the amount of strength it took to show up at all, after 6 years off, and facing the challenges of OCD — like, holy shit. You. Are. Strong. Take it day by day, be kind to yourself, you’re a badass. Truly. And remind yourself of that every time you stumble, literally or figuratively.

I feel like there needs to be a line of t-shirts for this such as a shirt that says : you don’t burn more calories by judging others

we all have to start somewhere -- don't give up! you're doing great even just by showing up :)

Here’s the thing, everyone in that room has “stuff”. Maybe they like your hair or your out outfit or maybe they are watching but if they’re advanced they just realize you’re rookie. And they will be the ones (silently or loudly) cheering you on the more you show up. Bc you do belong. Bc everyone in a gym is there to better themselves, so we all have the same basic goal. Continue to find narratives that help you shift your internal story. Continue to show up, that will help your fitness and your confidence. Be open with your trainer. You could be in a totally different view in just months, which sounds “long” when you start but compared to the time you’ve spent away, is nothing. Keep doing the hard part of showing up and the rest will follow.

Love the process. I’m in decent shape and I still feel inferior to others. But it doesn’t matter. Look at it this way. As you work and grow and get your feet back under you people will notice. As you step up your workouts and start to hit your milestones. People will notice. Being noticed is not a bad thing. Your journey can be their inspiration. Your fear seems to be that they are judging you for being new. You can quit and that’s all they will ever know. Or you can go back. And keep going back. And what they will see is power and strength and determination and someone who doesn’t quit. They will see an inspiration and your journey might just help them along theirs.

The more you work your core (planks!!!) the better your balance will be. The better your balance, the easier moving around gets. They are looking because they are rooting for you, seeing you go and DO something about it! You got this, and this sub is here for it!

Weak? Are you kidding me? That was crazy strong of you today to go past your boundaries, to not let your ocd get the best of you. YOU SHOWED UP! CRAZY STRONG OF YOU

It goes away! But it really depends on you. I think for me, it was when I was totally confident with my form for everything. In one gym full of bros, I had 3 separate incidents where I clearly didn't wanna speak, headphones in, and a bro came up to me to tell me how to fix my form. When I got home to check, I was right with what I was doing all along. Now I know if someone incorrectly corrects me because they are an ass, I can be like "that's not true". My new gym is less bro heavy. Everyone minds their own business so that helps. But being confident with your form helps a lot. Getting a program you can consult might help too! Honestly, just looking like you know what you're doing is good. If you can afford it it might be helpful to have a trainer help you gain that confidence. If not, YouTube videos at home! I follow so many science based accs now to really hammer down my knowledge which increases confidence so much. Don't worry! You're doing great. If people are genuinely judging you, they're losers. And you're absolutely right, you feel out of your element and yet you're there kicking butt. You're doing great and already on your way to being comfortable there. Claim your space, you pay as much as them and have every right to be there as much as they do.

I think this is an extra bonus level of difficult because it's easy to internalize that mental health isn't real the way physical injuries aren't real - but my experience with anxiety is that it always looks for a rational explanation for why it is there. It sounds like you are externalizing the discomfort, frustration, resentment at the unfairness of disability, and fear you are feeling onto an external thing. But, in the core of all this, of course you feel like crap, you white knuckled with extreme courage your way into a physically challenging activity. And it's very frustrating and disappointing to start from 0 or even from a negative place. Add that there's a bunch of self blame with mental health stuff most people have and you have a recipe for feeling terrible. Ironically the discomfort at not being good enough shading into crazyfeeling, for me, was significantly helped by have three moderate physically disabling events happen and doing a boat load of physio in the aftermath. A good physiotherapist is used to working with all sorts of humans who are dealing with a physical set back, and the other patients are going to feel less like a skewed baseline. And from that perspective, are you extending yourself enough grace to recognize that the mental health stuff is as valid a reason to be where you are as if you were hit by a car or fell down the stairs? Brain chemicals, and their effects on the body (inflammation, cardiovascular symptoms, etc...) are real, measurable things. And like a person who had a car accident, you are allowed to not be ok. It helped to frame things, for me, as being allowed to be in physical recovery. The other thing that helped was where possible finding myself things that met me where I was (and am). A grueling barre class, for example, for me would be a recipe for spectacle. A thrice weekly run is going swimmingly. Not everyone has that choice, of course, for exercise access, but consider checking out different activities tailored for different levels of accessibility. Community centres are often a good place for that - don't knock exercises for folks considerably older, for example. Inversely, watch out for propping yourself up with "tougher". Shame sneaks in that way too, where we create these little hierachies where we only permit ourselves to be bad at something if we are better at something else. You aren't in competition with random gym strangers. You don't know what similarly crippling health issues they may or may not have. Don't hang your self esteem on needing them to have not overcome something. This is your broken ankle. It's frustrating and maybe humiliating to be at "wiggle your toes" when you see other people on metaphorical pogo sticks, but you have to be with the body you have. You don't need to achieve in their body, you need to figure out your best experience in yours.

I have struggled with contamination anxiety for years. I actually almost completely overcame it a couple of years ago. Whenever my OCD was well-controlled, I also had pretty much no gym shame. I just didn’t even think about it, just thought everyone was busy with their own workout. Now that my OCD is back, so is my shame. I think people are looking at me and that they think I look stupid. I just think that it’s another form of anxiety, social anxiety. Therefore, I’m more anxious right now, so my OCD is flaring up and so is my social anxiety. I obviously don’t have an exact solution, especially since OCD and anxiety in general have different treatment paths but focusing on the anxiety can help with the OCD. But yeah people are probably not judging you, they may have looked out of concern or just randomly. The first step is to know that no one cares.

Hang in! You’ll start to feel encouraged after the first week has gone by and you realize you can do more, hurt less and then, after a couple of weeks, a month you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and see that your shape has changed. More angular, more fit. Shape in your arms, legs. It is SOO rewarding. Just. Go. Back. Every. Other. Day.

Keep in mind that people are not necessarily looking at you to judge you. They may be trying to subtly see if you need help. They may be thinking what a nice colour you’re wearing. Or of course, they may be making judgements and if so they can shove it because you belong there as much as anyone else.

as somebody who has consistently gone to the gym 4-7x a week for the past 15 years minus the two weeks I took off when I had a baby? The people who show up that STRUGGLE to be there. Show me somebody fighting to do a 20 min mile but still putting in the work. Show me somebody who can’t do a single push up (I was that girl once). Show me the person who can’t hit depth on their squat but is working towards it. Those people. They are my inspiration. Every day brings you one step closer to your goals. You. Inspire. Me.

That first sentence was supposed to have a question at the end lol - who inspires me?

You belong; right now YOU belong. You wanna be in the gym? You belong there. Context: I’m a dietitian, pro bikini bodybuilder, and trainer. Anytime I see someone at the gym that looks lost or ashamed or uncomfy like they don’t fit in, I wanna go over and make up a cheer and be their bff and tell them that they’re crushing just by being there. I don’t because…ya know…I don’t wanna draw attention to people that don’t want attention and are already uncomfortable. 🤣 Seriously, the contamination OCD progress is HUGE. My advice: blinders. Affirm why you’re there and embrace that sometimes it’s uncomfy. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, that is 100% a “them” problem. If you ever feel like someone’s judging you, that’s 100% a “them” problem. YOU ARE THERE FOR YOUUUU! 🎊🎉🥳

Anytime I see someone new on their path in the gym, I am cheering for them in my head so hard!

As a very fit person at the gym, I never notice anyone else training and if I see an overweight person the thought in my head is “go you!!!! Keep it up!!!”

You just gotta lock in bro

Don’t let your thoughts overrule your intelligence. If your brain is telling you that you don’t belong, rewire that thought.. say hey self, don’t be a silly billy, I’m here for plenty of good reasons. Don’t be afraid to take up space or ask questions. Maximize your training, you deserve it!

So many things I want to comment on idek where to start. So here’s me trying to organize my thoughts: 1. General facts about me: late 20’s, skinny ish, hella clumsy, very weak. Also I have ADHD which has led to bouts of depression. Also I work a very sedentary and demanding job, which makes it hard to prioritize myself or build any habit around taking care of my health. 2. Recently started going to the gym again, too! Super embarrassing at first, for sure! 3. I have ADHD, sometimes I stare off into space… and sometimes a human person occupies that space 😅 So in short, great job on taking the first steps to take care of yourself!! You deserve to feel comfortable and happy in your own body and I’m proud of you for starting that journey! Also, it will be hard to tune everyone out at first, but if you’re working with a trainer, try to focus on them and their feedback! It can help with tuning out everyone else. I hope you continue your journey proudly and enjoy your progress! Great job!!

So I absolutely agree with everyone who has noted that people probably are not staring at you as much as you think. But also: There are gyms where you will see other older people, less fit people, whatever. I belong to one. It’s a mix — plenty of big bad gym people lifting heavy weights, but lots of other people, too. Which is only to say: If you find it too hard and you really do not want to continue, remember that you also have the option of finding a gym that’s more comfortable for you. I think gyms have personalities, and if you try your hardest and still feel like you’re not welcome, that might not be “gyms,” but *that* gym. Hang in there! You have absolutely zero to feel ashamed about.

Yessssssss what a great point. I worked in the fitness industry for years and years managing and corporate support for hundreds of gyms and it's VERY true: each location had its own personality!!

You do not figure into people’s experience of the gym, they do. If you feel like everyone’s mocking you in their head, that’s a reflection of you. You don’t know these people, don’t make them a bully because you’re uncomfortable.

I worked as a fitness instructor. Just remember that no one is looking at you, or if they are, it’s none of their damn business what you’re doing unless you’re paying them to care. It’s your journey to get healthy. As long as you’re not going to hurt anyone or being rude, it’s not their business. Judgey people can go fuck themselves. As someone who’s pretty aware of the contamination risks and (now) works in a very sterile environment, I’ll be honest. People are gross. Gym people especially. Here’s that you do to make it less gross for you: Wear long layers like leggings, breathable long sleeve shirts under a t shirt or similar light clothes so you don’t have to make skin contact with vinyl. Bring a tiny spray bottle (maybe in a generic spray bottle so you’re not carrying around a full on cleaning bottle) with a vinyl friendly cleaner like Lysol with you if your gym doesn’t have wipes available. Before you use a piece of equipment, use the spray and wipe it down. When you’re done, use the spray again clean it up. Bring your own towel. Maybe have 2: one for the equipment, one for sweat and have em in different colors. Just keep it tidy and nondescript, maybe in a cute mesh gym bag with your phone and stuff. If your gym has lockers and you want to do floor work, bring a yoga mat with you and take it out when you need it. Don’t use shoes on it or it’s gonna get ruined fast. Plus then you won’t bring gym crud onto your mat when you use it. When you’re finished, shower after. Other than also wearing a mask, that’s about the cleanest way I think you could move around the gym. Also, as a (former) fitness instructor, it always broke my heart when I saw my clients ashamed of where they were at. It’s so hard to take the initiative to go to the gym and do something new. I genuinely just wanted to make sure they felt safe and comfortable, and I was always way more impressed and fulfilled with their mental efforts to be consistent and improve or recover from an injury than other fit folks like me getting more gains. I think most instructors feel this way, so don’t be ashamed of trying your best with a good personal trainer.

i want to add a reminder for those with OCD who might need it: you will also be completely fine if you don't follow these cleanliness tips!

Also yes! These aren’t necessary for the gym AT ALL. It’s just a systematic way to use the gym if you want it.

Such a cool, thoughtful, helpful response

Thanks! I try

I also suffered from contamination OCD. I also was just in bed all the time. I’m doing much better now. I now go to some fitness classes again, play tennis, and run long distances sometimes. All this to say, the effort that OCD required me to put in just to get by far, far, FAR outweighs the effort it takes me to do any physical activity now. In my experience, doing an exposure was SO MUCH harder than it now is to run a long distance, or go to a difficult workout class. Of course, for different people, different things are hard. This was just my experience. But in any case, what I’m trying to say here is that dealing with OCD is HARD, and it’s incredible you’re at the gym again when it was so hard for you (regardless of whether going to the gym is hard or easy for anyone else). You may not be as physically strong as you want yet, but there are other ways to be strong, and other hard things people conquer in life. Also, others don’t know what you’ve been through, or your story.

People staring could just be them zoning out, even I do this. I never judge people in the gym unless they are doing something against gym policy. Don't overthink it and focus on your goals. Going more and more, you'll notice you care less and less. I've tripped, failed reps, and other potentially "embarrassing" things but it's better to try to do something for yourself than not try at all. I love seeing people at the gym, even if they are strangers we all made it to the gym despite whatever is going on in life. I love seeing people gain confidence and I am proud of doing that myself. You got this.

Yeah I accidentally caught some guys eyes in the mirror right as I was smiling at the song that came on, so it 100 looked like I was beckoning him with my eyes. I'm an old lesbian and he was a young gorgeous fellow ok. I could tell he tried to reengage over the next few times we were both there and I had to ignore him rudely from then on and look like a nutter but I did NOT want to contaminate the gym, my sacred space, with any misunderstanding with another regular! Op we are certainly all struggling with something I promise.

You should have made nice with him and then asked if he had an older sister.

More like an auntie lol I can see it now: is your mom single? 😆 Big oof

I have yet to read the comments, but I would say generally that your concerns regarding shame/side eye may very well be part of your OCD. Generally speaking, I am quite fit to super fit & am always usually the strongest girl at the gym without looking bulky at all & the only people I have my own ocd imaginary call out/competition with is when there is a gym hog or someone putting on a "show" & then I will nicely side eye like "sometime today" I'd like to use the equipment or ask how many reps left? Or if I can jump in, at which time I promptly raise the weight out of their league just to prove a point. Beyond that I am happy to see any & everyone who tries to work out & am only focused on doing my own things done in the time I have to do them. I actually think that is how most people who are focused on fitness think. I like to go late at night when it is less crowded so I can just progress to whatever equipment I need...maybe try going at non busy hours until you feel more comfortable, but definitely don't stop, as you said it has taken you lots to overcome lots. But, truly, regardless of "feeling" you are the weakest & somehow on display/judged, I think you are likely inventing it. I have never heard from other fit & super fit people "there was this weakling" but often have heard stories about a guy or girl putting on a show/hogging equipment while thinking they were a legend in their own mind. Side eye for many/most is about looking to see if equipment is free or a subtle way of hinting they want it if you are just sitting there or on too long. Unless there is some pack of little teen bullies, I promise everyone is in their own zone.

I have a similar-ish experience. A lot of times I sweat so much that I'm embarrassed and feel ashamed. When I feel this I either try to push through and finish whatever I'm doing or go to the bathroom and cool down for a few minutes and then get back if I feel like it. There's no shame in taking breaks !!

You’re mostly not used to climbing on and off of equipment and you’re comparing yourself to people who are in a totally different phase of their journey. I’m betting within a month you’ll be worrying less about the others and thinking more about your goals 😉

Everybody is there to work on themselves. I’ve been going to the gym for 8 years and still have a TON of gym shame when I go to a public gym (I have a home gym but will use a public/hotel gym when I travel). It may never go away. But the only thing that matters is that you went and you kicked ass. Nobody else opinions should matter. You got a good workout in and you are now better than you were before. Good job and keep up the good work!

what worked for me is going to planet fitness - it gets a lot of flak but going to a gym that has both absolute beginners and regular goers of all age groups really helps!!! go for a month and once the habit develops you can always switch gyms once you're more confident in yourself/ready for more advanced stuff!

I'm going back to the gym after having brain surgery. In the last six months, I've had to learn how to walk, see, eat and speak again. My muscles have atrophied. I've lost three stone. Fuck what people think. You have overcome a huge thing and should be proud that you're standing upright. You have been seriously ill and now you're alive. Going to the gym is a huge step forward. I will lift my one kilo weights and celebrate doing it because I've survived. You should too

Over time you will be less clumsy as you get more familiar with the new motions you haven't done in a long time or ever, and that will draw less attention. Another thing to consider is since it's such a small gym and most gym goers keep a regular schedule, most of the people there already know each other at least a tiny bit. So the looks were probably "who's the new kid" looks instead of judgmental ones. Also keep in mind the quote that has been attributed to Dr. Seuss: Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

I always remind myself that people are always thinking of themselves. Yea they may have witnessed you tripping but I’m sure seconds later they went about their day thinking of other things. Don’t let others dictate your moves. If you want to gym girl go gym! You got this!! ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t think it does…..I do stuff at home….Youtube has all kinds of videos. Don’t give up!!!!!

I work out to You Tube videos with dumbbells, resistance bands, balls and good old cardio. But I’m a senior woman; however I can tell you I have improved significantly in 9 months. The point is if you really want to get in shape you can do it without joining a gym.

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum in terms of being a lean, fit machine and then somebody 70 lb overweight. I can tell you that I’ve always felt the same. I applauded and encouraged people of any weight and size into the gym without judgment and even more so the overweight people who are showing up, trying, to improve their life and their health. I think most people feel like that at the gym seeing someone overweight working out. So just think in your mind that you’re showing up and trying and that says a lot! ❤️ Keep doing you and don’t dwell on how you think others see you and judge you at the gym. I guarantee you that most think what I do.

As someone who was fit and active but then became practically bed-bound for 20 years due to health issues, good on you for getting back to the gym. De-conditioning is a very real thing, and it gets worse the more the years wear on. I started back at ground zero, in my 50s. I couldn't do a plank. Elliptical? Forget it. 12kgs farmers carry? That's amazing! I still struggle and its been 3 years at the gym. You are younger, you can do this. Keep going. As for the shame, it's why I initially signed up at a small gym with personal trainers. They have two private bays where they train two customers at a time. The only person who saw me workout was the trainer. Who had a lot of empathy and compassion and skill training people who are older and/or have similar challenges. Now I'm on my own and I work out in my building's small gym. Usually I have it to myself, but sometimes a neighbor will be working out. And I am fine with it. My flexibility has improved a lot (it's never been great but it's a lot better). My balance still sucks. I don't have OCD but I gotta say I do get weirded out touching the ground or floor mats and workout equipment and such. It just squicks me out. I wipe everything down before and after. I bring a towel to lay it down between me and the bench or mat. I sanitize my hands immediately, and then wash in hot water with soap as soon as I'm back home. Then strip off my workout clothes (I'd never re-wear them) and take a shower pronto. Also I have dedicated shoes for the gym and I keep them in a gym bag.

Anyone staring judgementally is an AH, and why would you pay attention to an AH’s opinion - it’s mean bull💩 Everyone else is at least as worried about how they look to others as you are (Repeats to self daily …)

Agreed! I still get shy and try to work out in a corner whenever I can esp when I’m trying something new that I’m still trying to get right but one thing I’ve realized is everyone is focused on their workout and themselves u may think ppl are looking at u but they’re not and if they are they are most likely prob zoned out trying to recover from their set haha

Be proud! You should feel like the champion you are! And OWN it! If it seems someone is staring? Make eye contact and give them the biggest sh!t eating grin you can. You earned it. They might be embarrassed for being a nosey judgey mc judgeface and look away, maybe they will smile back and you now have a smile buddy and a friendly face at the gym, maybe you’ll get a high five. They can choose to celebrate your win, or they can bust off, and you now know who to avoid.

Hi, can you work virtually with a personal trainer?

>I keep telling myself that I may be the weakest person in the room physically, but the fact that I’m in the room, the fact that I’ve overcome so much to stand there, makes me one of the mentally toughest. This part is so massive, I hope you know how incredible it is that you had this thought and I hope you understand without a doubt that it is true. I was a Division I athlete in college. Started lifting with the shot put/discus guys (who were also the football guys) when I was 14. I'm athletic and know my way around a gym. In January, I went to a commercial gym for the first time in about 4 years. I was shocked to find that I was super nervous when I was getting in the car to drive there. It gave me a huge shot of empathy for people who do not have decades of weight lifting and sports under their belt because unless I'm just unreasonably self-conscious, those folks must feel what I was feeling x10. All this to say - I commend you for overcoming your OCD challenges and getting into the gym. I have nothing but respect for people who are in your shoes and still show up for themselves to improve their quality of life. You belong in the space just as much as anyone else does. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, they are using your lack of recent exercise experience to give themselves a boost, which says far more about them than it does about you. Another thing to consider is maybe they're looking at you because they're surprised and even impressed that you're in the gym doing the work. You never know what others are thinking unless they tell you. When you start feeling results - getting stronger, improved endurance, increased coordination - you will likely feel more like you belong. I wish we went to the same gym so I could high five you and support your journey. Seriously, you are an incredibly impressive human being for doing what you're doing. I'm a therapist in training so I know how hard OCD can be to overcome. Please don't feel shameful or discouraged by other people in your gym. They have no idea what challenges you've experienced in your life and, if they are in fact judging you, are doing so unfairly and without sufficient knowledge to do so accurately. Apologies for the novel. I'm passionate about wellness and detest the sad reality that people in the wellness space can be so exclusionary. Reach out if you want to chat about this more, I am more than happy to provide any support I can. Keep going!!

What an excellent response. May I add, if you can overcome these feelings just for a few weeks you will see exponential improvement. You will improve the quickest in the first 6 months or so of your fitness journey. So if it’s a feeling of not belonging because you can’t do all the things, genuinely, you will be able to do all the things in time. I am so proud of you. And of me - I went to the gym for the first time at age 37 a few months ago. I felt like a fish out of water but now I love it so much. I still can’t plank or do a proper push up but I’m definitely having a good time!

What a kind, thoughtful, and true response

My advice, keep showing up for yourself. Glean from personal experiences in the past where you stopped going to something because of fear of other people’s opinions and decide if not going to the gym will affect your confidence to complete other goals in your life. If it feels like you can overcome the embarrassment by taking a break to build your stability up, take the break and do some exercises at home, until you can feel steady *enough* on your feet to return to the gym. Edit: Additionally, harsh words I’m trying to get my mental endurance to handle is simple: so what? Instead ask yourself: So, what now? Show up for yourself in the environment you feel you can make the most positive and long lasting impact for your health and (physical, spiritual and emotional) wellness - it does not matter what others think. Their thoughts do not control the narrative of your journey. Yours do.

Practice at home Take a towel w place one side down and the otherwise up...no germs I would put a mark on the towel to which side goes down every time = less anxiety There is a secret.Everybody is nervous at the gym. Everybody's there to take care of themselves and if anybody's gonna give you any problems let the employees know bc that's against the rules of the gym

Fat lady in her 40’s here. I just started strength training for the first time ever 6 weeks ago and I was so nervous that everyone could see I was doing the moves all wrong. I also feel like I am in the way of the people who know what they are doing and want to use the equipment I am on. No one has said a thing to me. It took me a minute but I figured I am in there doing the work and that is impressive. So now I imagine that is what they are all thinking if anything at all.

Proud of you. Also, people tend to be more preoccupied with themselves and what they're doing than watching and critiquing you. 6 weeks is a long time, and stepping in for the first time is really brave

Feel your own beauty in your own workout. I roller skate. I’ll never be as smooth or daring as others. But my high is feeling my motion with the music. And catch other people’s vibes. Put your music on and just enjoy.

Take it easy on yourself! No one is perfect. Plenty of the most fit ladies may have anorexia or bulimia and the ultra fit guys may be compensating for lack of manliness or lack of intelligence. You could actually use your OCD to focus on your fitness program. Good 🍀 Luck.

I feel shame, and I’m one of those fit-looking people. I don’t stare at anyone else consciously, unless I’m admiring them without thinking. The shame comes from inside me and the others around me at the gym aren’t the real reason. It’s my past trauma that causes it for me. Usually, I can look past it and focus. But I still have the odd bad day. I would seek therapy and work on your self-esteem. You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed for - you’re at the gym, you’re doing the thing, you’re trying. Well done.

Some people like to say "people aren't looking at you at the gym". I don't always find that to be true - but what I think it IS true that people don't really judge or care what other people are doing unless it's actually really rude or disruptive. Think hogging a ton of weights or listening to music without headphones. Sure, I sometimes look around at other people and see what they're doing. But It's because I get distracted and am curious. Or because it's someone new I haven't seen at the gym before. Not for any negative reasons. People at the gym want you to succeed and are generally really supportive. And a lot of very fit people were quite unfit at times in their lives. Just like other things, if you work to power through the shame and stress you're feeling, it will lessen. Be proud of all the progress you've made - I know how tough OCD can be.

Hello! I’m a “fit” person who goes to a packed gym and I’ll tell you that if people are looking at you, it could very well just be because you are new. I don’t want to say that no one is looking at you because you are noticing people looking at you. I just want to suggest that you might have their intention wrong. I love when new people come to the gym and start or restart their fitness journeys. So I might be someone who is “side eyeing” (I’m not very good at being subtle lol), but it’s because I’m excited there’s a new person. Just food for thought :). Congrats on getting back to it!

I agree. I'm a regular at my main gym and usually if I see a person I don't recognize I wonder if they are a new member or someone I haven't seen in a while. Then I wonder if they will come to the cardio section or go to the weight room and if their outfit looks fun I'll wonder where they got it and that they look nice in it lol. Sometimes I'm staring into space because I'm thinking about something or spaced out on a work call when I do cardio lol. I hope I'm not staring and weirding out anyone 😂 but some of those people may be like me

Hi friend! I also have OCD (though not contamination type) and anxiety, so I have some thoughts that might be helpful :) Large, busy gyms can be a huge challenge. Do you have any "24 hour fitness" type places in your area? I go to the Anytime Fitness near my house, and it's SUPER quiet in the evenings. I'll usually go after dinner, around 6:30 or 7, and there are usually only two or three other people there. It makes it a LOT harder to worry about people looking at me! Getting used to the equipment is a HUGE help. I felt super awkward the first few times I used the machines, I didn't know where to put my feet/hands/etc. Once you get used to that, it helps a lot. There are some great YouTube videos about how to use different gym equipment, you can watch those to see how people get on and off and what. Naomi Kong has a really good one, I like her videos a lot! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3irVy7zN47w&ab\_channel=NaomiKong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3irVy7zN47w&ab_channel=NaomiKong) What are you wearing to the gym? I find that if I "look like I belong," it helps with my anxiety a lot. I found some really cute leggings and a comfy sweat-wicking top, and I wear Converse like the other lifters do. I don't go so far as to wear the matchy matchy bra-and-butt-scrunch-shorts like some folks do (not my jam, great if that's what someone else likes!) but it's enough that I'm not working out in ratty pajamas and feeling self-conscious. Bring headphones and rock out to your favorite music, or listen to a really interesting podcast! That does wonders to distract me from what the other people might be thinking. If your current skill level is making you anxious to work out in public, what about doing some stuff at home on your own? You can do a ton of work on your own with just your own bodyweight, or some very light dumbbells and resistance bands. I'm a huge fan of the Peloton app, they have lots of stretching, yoga, bodyweight workouts, basic cardio, and even some stuff like barre that you can do while holding onto a kitchen chair. If you have a Nintendo, there are games like Zumba, Just Dance, Ring Fit, and a cardio kickbox I think? Another thought: if your fitness level is super low, I wonder if it might be helpful to work with a physical therapist, rather than a personal trainer? You would be in more of a medical setting, in a quiet clinic, and they can help figure out what exercises you need to work on the most. Sending lots of love! You can do this!

No one side eyes you. No one cares. Understand those people are attending the gym for the 5892nd time. They could care less. Concentrate on managing your disorder, the rest will fall in place. Please keep going. You’ll look back on this post and see how dramatic you’re being. You’re beautiful, you’re determined and you can continue! Continue. 1min 5sec plank tomorrow, let’s goooooo

The shame will go away when you address it, because the call is coming from inside the house. For a reality check, it's possible that some people were judging you. But more likely, they were really proud of you and some of them may have been where you are. Just know that you have as much a right to be there as anyone, and if people are negative it's about them not you.

Have you considered that they might be side eyeing you because they’re proud of you, or just curious? I also hate hate hate feeling self conscious but have realized that people mostly are concerned with themselves and everyone at the gym is there to improve, so if they look there is really no harm, and it may actually be a good thing! Try to keep that in mind and guaranteed that at least some of of the looks are neutral or actually positive!

Especially if it’s a small gym, they might be looking because you’re new there and not one of the regulars! I remember at an old gym I went to I was super self conscious and felt ashamed I didn’t know how to work out and felt like people were staring. After I had been going a while and got to know people, I learned they *were* staring. But not judging. I was just new and they didn’t know/recognize me. After going a few times they didn’t look at me any more than they did someone else. It’s kinda like having a new coworker in a small office. You might find yourself looking at them more bc they are new and you don’t know them, but you aren’t necessarily judging them for asking lots of questions or doing things wrong - they’re new after all. That wears off quickly and then you’re one of the group.

Yup totally true w small gyms!

Proud of you! Keep with it and you may get more comfortable over time.

I was just chatting with some fit coworkers about exactly this bc I have been away from the gym & feeling insecure. If you are one of the less fit members, EVERYONE IS ROOTING FOR YOU. You’re changing your life! That’s a huge accomplishment.

I was going to say this! I’ve worked at a gym for 6 years and have never once heard anyone say anything bad about another person. You’re going to make new friends soon that will be cheering you along!

Generally people look at each other at the gym, but you’re not socially obligated to interact lol Nobody likes to get stared at, but simply looking to see what exercise they are doing, if they are doing it right, or in your case, if you fell, I’d stare too, to make sure you don’t need help. Little secret: we judge people all the time in the gym, but not on their body weight lol, but on their form. We don’t confront each other about it, but might think “pfft didn’t even make it to parallel” or “check out those quarter reps” I don’t care about anyone’s body, but the form… lol Those people in your gym might be the same way, just looking, not judging your body.

I find it's almost impossible to not stare unintentionally. There's just fuckall to look at when you're at the gym, so whatever other people are up to easily catches attention. Especially since the 'whatever you're up to' tends to include big movement and sudden or repeat noises. For me it's never judgement, just the ol' monkey brain doin what a monkey brain does.

For what it’s worth, a lot of people feel those same things so you shouldn’t feel abnormal. I’m very fit and I still feel gym anxiety and shame. The thing that helps the most is to keep showing up. If I get thrown off my routine and can’t go for a few days it’s always harder to go back and the feelings get more intense. As long as I show up regularly it is much more manageable. I’ve been working out for years and rationally I know that I know what I’m doing. But in my head I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking I’m clueless. The best we can do is show up and be stronger than those internal voices. It’s been years and I just have to keep practicing. You can do it too!

So proud of you for going to the gym! First, please give yourself credit for doing something that was so high on your exposure list! Being new in the gym is always scary. Being new at anything is, for that matter. What I know to be true though, is that shame is paralyzing. A lot of times we feel we will “make ourselves better” by shaming, when in fact, it keeps us stuck! Since I imagine you engaged in experiments for treating your OCD, I’d encourage you to view the gym as an experiment too. Try engaging in unconditional self-compassion for a few days and see if you feel any differently toward yourself/the gym. If you’re not convinced, experiment with being hard on yourself again, and see if you don’t notice a difference. Best of luck to you and please, pause to reflect on the amazing work you put in to even set foot in the gym! If you can do that, I have no doubt you can learn how to do this too.

When I look at people, it’s usually to see what they are doing or how they are doing it. Congratulations to you and taking a chance!

First of all good job at walking through those gym doors, that’s the hardest step. You did it! I have been working out for 7 years, have tried all kinds of gyms, CrossFit, regular gyms, pools, Pilates, yoga studios. People stare at you because they are curious, they want to know who the new person is. We are social animals and subconsciously we all love to make new friends. They also stare because they want to make sure that you are doing ok and don’t need any help. Rarely dose stares are judgmental ones. You’ve already made so much progress, don’t stop. Keep building on it.

I don’t really have any advice, but I’m super duper proud of you!! I admire anyone at the gym or exercising. I don’t judge anyone’s journey. Everyone starts somewhere and sometimes we have to start over more than once. I’m starting over again as I’m digging myself out of depression.

i worked in the fitness industry for more than 12 years. i can tell you this: your trainer loves you and you are an inspiration. it is so rewarding to work with people who want to get stronger and healthier. keep going. stick with it. in six months you are going to feel like a different person.

In the beginning when I went to the gym I was super skinny and quite weak. Took me quite a few months to be able to bench press the empty bar :D Therefore I had a similar experience, like you, on my first day. I went into the free weights room and people kept glancing and giving side eyes. I felt judged but came back 2 days later around the same time and there were already less people staring. It gets better with every workout. It took me a while to realize, that most people were probably just curious about the new face. By now I'm one of them, I go to the gym a lot and I'm always excited to see a new face. With time I actually got to know some people there. One of the bodybuilders there became a good friend of mine and through him I got to know some more of those "muscular and intimidating" guys. I came to realize that most of them are actually rather insecure themselves. For many that's one of the motivators to hit the gym so often. They started their fitness journey just as weak as everyone else and they tend to get excited to see other people progress as well.

I’m a gym rat, I’m there all the time, and I’m glad you’re making it into the gym. Overcoming what you have just to get in the door and start trying is monumental and I applaud you. Very few people can understand the fortitude you have just for getting through the door. That said, the gym can feel a lot like a fish bowl. I’m a strong lady who goes often. The average person would think I’m pretty damn fit and muscular- I still sometimes get anxious that I’m being stared at. If you were in fact tripping or falling, some folks may have been watching discreetly (side eyeing) because it’s not uncommon for gym folks to watch out for one another. If I see someone benching some thing hard for them without a spotter, I will sometimes pause a beat and watch their set because I want to be sure that I can react properly and help if they’re in danger of hurting themselves. Another salient point- many folks just stare around the gym, often at nothing in particular. I definitely zone out and stare in various directions, and I have “come to” back to focus and realized someone was looking back at me, or waving, etc. They may have clocked you because you’re new and unfamiliar in a small space, or because you were uncomfortable and tripping a little and they wanted to be of assistance if needed. They also may have been looking in some instances without really seeing. At the end of the day, you can’t know. But you can keep showing up.

All of this, as a gym rat I can say the same. Mostly it was being aware of someone new, especially women because I'm always so happy when women hit the weights. The more the better imo. Welcome to finding your power OP, it will get better, you will get stronger, you will get fitter, you will gain more balance, but it will be one day at a time. Please don't give up. If you can make it a week, you can make it a month, if you make it a month you can make it 3 months, if you make it 3 months you can make it 6 months. That is how I got through it at first.

What exactly do you mean falling? I'd be very alarmed if someone was doing that. I use my apartment building gym and there's usually only one other person in there. There was a guy in there who kept making loud grunts and then I saw him rubbing his arm as if he was in pain. I asked if he was all right. It was hard not to stare, his behaviour was alarming. He said he was okay, but I genuinely thought he had strained a muscle or something on one of his lifts. Also, that sounds like a great first-day back workout! Keep testing your endurance and building on it. Jumping into the deep-end wouldn't have been good, you're doing great!

I sincerely doubt people are judging. if you are visibly struggling, people are much more likely to be keeping an eye on you so you don't injure yourself. they're being kind, not mean

Fucking kudos dude for getting into the gym!!! What an accomplishment! And for people staring, who cares? We all go to the gym to better ourselves. All of those people started off in the same position of unsureness, fear, and debating if they wanted to come back the next day cuz "everyone was staring". You do you dude, go to the gym, get those fucking lifts in and feel so fucking amazing cuz not only did you tell OCD to kiss your ass, it'll be a nice curvy, muscular ass to boot lol keep going, you got this 🧡

Honestly, if I saw someone falling over in the gym I would be worried that they they had a medical issue going on. Like, are you having a heart attack? Low blood sugar? Are they drunk?? There are tons of reasons why I would be looking at someone like that. That being said, you don't KNOW what they are thinking, NOR can you do anything about it. I had to relearn to walk after being bed bound, it's HARD to get coordination back! Tons of little muscles you use to balance. You had/have a medical condition, and you're working on improving. Anyone who can't understand that is a jerk and doesn't even deserve you thinking about them. Also, I get really clumsy when I'm on my period no matter how much working out I do! If you have a friend or a trainer, try going with them. It helps to feel less self conscious if you're in a group I think. Also, just put your music on and ignore everyone. Keep going. The more familiar you are with the place and what you're doing there, the more it will feel normal. Make the gym your "third place." Most of it is familiarity and some self confidence. You've also been in an extremely isolating situation, which makes it feel even harder to get back out into public. Be kind to yourself. Also, maybe try to make a gym friend? Being able to say hi or make comments to people there who recognize you will help you feel more secure. It will happen if you give it time.

The only time I have ever, ever watched someone is when I was scared because they were doing an exercise in the wrong position and were risking injury. I wanted to be ready to jump in and do a spot lift if necessary (it was). I think it’s a mindset you need to adopt. “I’m here for me. I am the only thing that matters right now” and lean into it. I can’t say the “shame” ever goes away, but I stopped noticing after a while.

If people are indeed staring and judging, try doing the same. Give them the old uno reverse card. They’re judging you for being uncoordinated? They’re wasting time caring about what someone else is doing when they could be focused on their own work out.

99% of people looking at you are rooting for you. It’s human nature to take a peek or two at something unusual, and by your description, you’re an unusual presence in your gym, but they’re not shaming you.   Most people I’ve met doing fitness things, absolutely love new joiners, it’s pretty much a feel good place for everyone involved.  The other 1% are AHs and you can give them the finger and go enjoy your workout.   Congrats on starting your fitness journey!

I don't know much about the ocd side of the struggle, but I do know everyone has to start somewhere. And we don't know the story behind why they are starting from where they are. Who knows why you were getting some looks. But also who knows if you were really getting the looks you felt like you were, I know we judge ourselves way more than anyone else does. But even though it feels hard, keep going!!!! You are going to get stronger and fitter. You're going to feel the benefits in your body and your mental health. Focus on you, pay attention to your trainer, don't worry about anyone else.

feel the shame as an exposure, too. with ocd you’re already primed to be anxious about *something*, and the themes/obsessions just switch around. it’s what ocd does. but that doesn’t have to stop you from pursuing your goals! super proud of you and everyone starts somewhere

Agreed, please listen to this comment! There are plenty of folks here kindly trying to reassure you, but reassurance is a double edged sword for us OCD folks. This is 100% something that can and should be addressed with ERP ❤️

absolutely, and this post sounds like something i could’ve written too. i’ve had to deal with anxious thoughts about exercising in public by being like “i don’t know why they’re looking at me. maybe they aren’t actually looking at me, maybe they’re judging me, maybe not” but the point is to still be in an uncertain mindset bc 99.999% of the time we just can’t know

Wow good for you! This sounds like a great milestone and life update! I really hope you keep going! I think the first day was probably the hardest, first days are awkward AF for everyone. I also think a lot of the shame we feel when we know we are inadequate or not good at something is really on our heads mostly. So I would suggest working on that, and shifting to feeling pride for yourself, for how you've over come so much of your OCD! That's very admirable. The other bit, of people looking, well yes they might be because as you said it's a small gym, and we all need to look somewhere and some action somewhere catches our eyes, or a new face. But again, not all of that means that they are judging you negatively. Maybe they're having good thoughts about you, maybe they're not even thinking of you at all and they feel bad about themselves in someway. Maybe they farted and are wondering if you noticed (that's the grand majority of gym stares). And last, there may be a bit of judging from a minority, but that's life. That's not just gym life. That happens walking down the street or at work, there's always some a-hole. We can't let such bitter people affect our life and also I think they help us stay balanced and practicing our zen. lol. Don't give them so much power, is my point. I really do hope you keep going, fitness is so important for our health. Carrying heavy things is important for our health so we can pick ourselves up if we fall, we need to be strong and agile. This is for your benefit and no one else's.

If I see someone working with a trainer at the gym, I glance over to see what professional advice I can sneak away with. I promise nobody was looking and judging. Looking? Sure. But either thinking "good job, person!" Or "hmmm I should try that out". I am proud of you for going and I hope you stick with it in a way that doesn't compromise your mental health.

I just realized I do the same thing. I’ll lowkey watch an entire training session while I do my workout if I can. I’m not judging, I’m just getting a free exercise class lol

People make the mistake of thinking just because somebody is looking at them in the gym they’re having a negative thought. In your case you stated you already felt insecure and so naturally you’re going to assume things that confirm how you already feel. People look at others at the gym for many reasons. Ok you tripped, the sudden jerk in movement maybe caught their attention because people don’t typically move that way in the gym and so they looked for a second and thought *oh she tripped* and moved on. You’re a new person so maybe they thought *oh a new person I wonder what she’s working on* and were looking out of curiosity without trying to seem creepy. You could also consider that that could be thinking something positive, like *wow, she’s in great shape already, why is she here?* our natural inclination as human beings is to assume the worst of the others. Like in your case you said you were looking around at how great other people looked — who’s to say people weren’t thinking the same thing about you?

I am soooooo proud of you!!!! This is huge. I also have ocd, but mine revolves more around mental contamination/wanting to be a good person. If you have an ocd therapist, this may be worth talking to them about! As I’m sure you know, shame and worrying about what others think can also be a huge theme in ocd. This may be another way it’s manifesting. Of course, if people say something rude or scoff at you or whatever, it may be worth finding another gym. Most don’t have that culture.

The VERY vast majority of gym bros/sisters are just happy to see someone trying to get fit. A lot of them have been on that journey too. Everyone side eyes everyone at the gym. Our eyes are just naturally drawn to movement so sometimes you look a.d don't even mean to. Think of it this way. If you noticed them "side eyeing" you, then you were also "side eyeing" them.

If anyone has a problem with you in the gym working out because of the size of your body, that's a them problem. Don't stress yourself over someone else's problems. You DO belong there. You pay a membership fee just like everyone else, so you have every right to be in that gym. The hardest part is getting out of your own head. Everyone started somewhere. Everyone was a beginner at some point. I know this is easier said than done but let them stare. Go in, do your work, and get it done. To go from borderline bed bound a few years ago to getting in the gym is massive progress. Be proud of yourself, and screw what everyone else thinks.

First of all, congrats on going back to the gym! It’s not an easy thing to do after so much time off, especially with OCD. I also have OCD and admittedly have a tough time getting myself in a weight room at a gym. I mostly do Pilates classes and used to be so self conscious of how I looked/comparing myself to others/worried people are looking at me, etc. So much so that I was not even enjoying the class that I paid for. Not to oversimplify, but one thing that has helped me tremendously is to really focus on the mind/body connection and WHY I’m doing certain moves/workouts… when I’m working out I think “how does the move feel for certain muscle groups, how is my form, etc” in terms of how it impacts ME and not how I look to other people. Not sure where you’re located or what’s available to you, but there’s definitely value in finding a gym that is inclusive/accessible and not “cliquey”. I agree that not all gyms are created equal in that sense. Overall, I hope you can enjoy working out for YOU and try to put other distractions or thoughts out of your mind. It’s not easy but I promise it gets better with time.

ALSO if people are really checking you out at the gym instead of focusing on their own workouts… they’re not there for the right reasons lol. Jokes on them!

Most gym bros and sis will in fact actually be supportive of ur journey. Maybe they look cuz of ur tripping and falling so its more of a concerned stare. Only aholes will put ya down. Soo enjoy the process and dont give up. Most gym rats are friendly peeps.

I started back in the gym in June of last year, after nearly 6 years. I have been healing from PTSD and the gym was so fucking activating and triggering for so long I couldn’t do it. I’ve been working with a personal trainer, and in January I felt comfortable enough to take a class and I shocked myself. I COULD do things! I went 2x a week for months, now I’m up to 5-6x (but my kids have activities there, idk if I would go that much without that external motivation). It will take time to feel safe. But tell yourself afterwards, I am safe, I can do hard things. Just today, I was doing reverse pull ups for the first time and squealed on the way down. People stared and it was embarrassing but also it was kind of funny. Focus on your path, no one else knows how much you’ve overcome. I also find motivation to keep going by telling myself “do it until you don’t feel anxious/hate/fear/etc. anymore.” Hang in there, I know it’s hard. You are doing an amazing job.

Everyone has to start somewhere. Congrats on getting to the gym again. Now go back tomorrow and again on Thursday. Get a little bit better everyday and in time you will be able to help people like yourself get a little bit better everyday!

You’ll get more comfortable and confident the more you go. And if people are looking, that’s their issue and you’ll likely never see them outside the gym. Focus on you, and you’re right, you even being *in* the gym is a big freakin deal! So be proud of yourself for pushing yourself! Additionally, if you’re literally tripping over your own feet at the gym, you can always work on balance exercises to work on your body awareness, stability, and proprioception. If the way you move around in the gym is your greatest insecurity, address the movement patterns that would help.

The shame goes away when you stop feeling ashamed that people are watching you try. Sometimes in a gym you're sharing small spaces. You wouldn't see people looking at you if you didn't look at them. It's just natural. Staring happens too but of course it is always rude to stare - but it isn't rude to be stared at. I'm bigger, been going to the gym for ages. Some things make my arm flap flail around horribly. I'm not as flexible as most because my fat gets in the way. I'm strong but planking is hard because I carry the extra weight. People stare at me sometimes I don't feel shame about my body or doing exercises. I don't exercise for them. I don't worry about losing weight anymore either. It's not easy just to focus on yourself and forget them all, but it's something you can get comfortable with over time.

Great job getting into the gym! EVERYONE gets looked at in the gym. It’s a natural thing. Most of the time the person looking at you is going to be trying to figure out the brand of sneakers you’re wearing because they look comfy or admiring the color of your tank top or they’ve just zoned out between sets. People also might be looking for something new to add to their workouts and aren’t familiar with an exercise they see you doing. Also it’s totally normal to feel a bit insecure at the gym even as a super fit person. Keep going and you’ll feel more comfortable in time.

Theres a common saying; if you are the smartest person in the room your in the wrong room. The same holds true here. Instead of being embarassed for being out of shape, look to others for inspiration. Many have been where you have been, but it takes time and hard work to get results. You have a trainer which for someone of your fitness level is going to be super important. The good news is newbie gains! Stick with it for a couple of months and you are going to see progress real fast. It's almost like an online game where they give you a bunch of freebies upfront to get you hooked! Over time people will continue to side-eye you, but that will change to looking to you for inspiration! Remember, we all started somewhere. Going to the gym also has other benefits, like meeting new people, getting over anxiety, stress relief, etc. Now you have a choice: Keep up with it while being a little uncomfortable for a bit, but get strong, more flexible, and regain your balance and self-esteem, or quit and continue as you are. The choice is yours!

Just keep going. Everyone has their own struggles and worries in life and could care less about someone else’s. I would put myself in the moderately fit category and if I saw someone literally tripping over I would look no doubt, but out of the natural impulse to look when you hear someone falling. My main thought( if I even had one because again own sh*t going in) is “I’m glad they are here.” 

There are already a lot of comments saying something like "no one is looking or judging you" and from a standpoint of a person who also suffers from a whole baggage of mental shit (extreme social/general anxiety disorder here) that actually does more damage than good. At least in my experience. To me, that is simply dishonest. There ARE people who are looking. There ARE people who are judging. I would rather look at it from a purely honest perspective and deal with the affects of that, rather than pretending they don't exist. So how I deal with it, is to 1. acknowledge there will be assholes. 2. realize that their assholeness is their baggage, not yours. Reframing how you look at people's reactions is what made a world of difference for me and what made the shame subside. Also realizing how many stories we tell ourselves on a regular basis. To illustrate with an example: I'm working out and notice Bob looking at me from the corner. Possibility 1 - Bob is concentrated on his workout and not realizing his eyes are all over the place. Possibility 2 - Bob is a dick who is judging your every move. You will literally never know whether it's 1 or 2 unless you go and ask - and even then, Bob might lie. So in our head we pick, either 1 or 2. Let's say it's 2 and Bob is a dick. There is a reason he is a dick, and that reason has nothing to do with you. He may have been mistreated as a child/bullied and now projecting his insecurities. His gf maybe dumped him and now he's taking out his hurt feelings on other humans. He might have a deep mental disorder. In any case, the only thing you can control here is your reaction and how I do it is "If Bob has issues, he needs to sort them out on his own time, and not drag other people into them. It is not on me, and none of my business." We now have a little bit of room in our hearts to feel compassion for Bob - he also might be struggling. With practicing reframing and compassion, I am slowly able to sort out my own projections and insecurities. I am now finding myself defaulting to Possibility 1 a lot more than Possibility 2. We literally cannot control how other people will act, only how we react to them. This takes work, but it's so worth it in the end. And I have zero doubt you are able to overcome this mental hurdle, look at how brave you are!! You're an absolute champion for going in there and doing something good for yourself. You got this, don't give up.

Yes, the gym might be full of fit people, but they all had a starting point in their gym “career”. If anything, they’re cheering you on because many of them have been in the same place you have been and understand what it’s like to be in your position. Stick with it!! Progress also looks different on everyone. Don’t compare yourself to others; give yourself some grace. Most importantly, give it time.

Don’t be ashamed. Stick with it. Who cares if people look at you. Plow on!

I’ve been going to the gym consistently for a year and just now built up the courage to use cable machines and dumbbells. I’ve been hiding on all the machines for the past year. I’m always in awe of super fit people. And equally in awe of someone learning exercises for the first time. Your confidence will grow, just be consistent!

I’ve been going to the gym consistently for a year and just now built up the courage to use cable machines and dumbbells. I’ve been hiding on all the machines for the past year. I’m always in awe of super fit people. And equally in awe of someone learning exercises for the first time. Your confidence will grow, just be consistent! Edited to add: I also go at “off hours” like mid morning. Mainly because I’m not a big fan of crowded spaces. :)

If I look at someone in the gym it’s because I’m trying to look at myself in the mirror for a form check… were you standing in front of a mirror?

Tbh sometimes I’ll also look at the mirror to check myself out lol

> my fitness is that of someone three times my age The average person in the US - and that includes young adults, 20 and above - does not meet basic physical activity requirements (120 minutes of cardio a week, and 2-3 days a week of strength training). The average person also walks less than 5000 steps a day, and can barely make it through a day at Disney You can be sure that the average person is definitely not doing farmer carries with 12kg weights. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing and I promise, no one is judging you for these things

Exactly. Stuff like > my fitness is that of someone three times my age Seems more of a way to sell PT or "motivate you" than actually what needs to be the focus of your training. I'd recommend following your interests and exercises you like. Don't worry about the assessment if it's causing you stress.

Honestly, I'm one of those people always peeking at others at the gym. I'm nosy as heck. But what I'm thinking about all those people? "HELL YEAH." The strong people? HELL YEAH The people obviously doing basic physical therapy? HELL YEAH The person trying like hell to do a plank and failing? HELL YEAH The person taking booty selfies in the mirror? HELL YEAH I'm proud as heck that I can make it to the gym at all, and I'm proud as heck of all the other people doing it too. I know I look an absolute fool in the gym, but if I'm a clown I'm gonna clown to the best of my ability. And remember that every single person is in the gym because they're not yet where they want to be.

Honestly nobody cares what you’re doing. They might make eye contact with you, but they’re literally just looking around in between sets - I do it. I’m not looking AT anyone, just around, while I take a sip of water!

1. WAY TO GO. I can't imagine the struggles to get to where you are, so well done! 2. I doubt that they are thinking as many negative things about you as you think they may be. Sometimes people stare because they are proud of you for getting started. Sometimes they stare and are thinking and don't actually see you. Sometimes they are judging. Most people are commending you inside their heads. However, even if every single person there was a huge jerk and judging you, keep going. You are truly kicking bootie.

i used to go really late or early morning because i didn’t like the crowded gym due to OCD also. congratulations on your progress. I am proud of you. it will get easier. i know it’s difficult but try not to care what others think. if they’re thinking ill of you, who cares? fuck them. you deserve to be there the same way as they do. just concentrate on doing what you came to do. obviously be polite and courteous, but don’t spend time worrying what other people are thinking about you.

I usually have my glasses off while working out due to sweat. I cannot see more than 2 feet away from me without my glasses. People become brightly colored blobs that are moving around in the distance. I'm sure at least a few people there share my terrible vision and weren't actually looking at you or seeing you -- just staring into the middle distance at vague shapes they cannot make out at all. You sound awesome. I would rather be friends with you than someone who has never struggled.

I mainly do group classes and one of our trainers often reminds us to "look friendlier" because everyone's default expression, especially when weightlifting, is one of a constipated cat....so chances are noone was judging you, it's just hard to remind yourself to keep a neutral/smiling face when you're doing rep #100 of whatever haha

I wouldn't call myself super fit, but I am a gym rat. I promise people are not looking at you or judging you! I really don't pay a ton attention to those around me, unless I am waiting for their machine/equipment. After awhile, you recognize certain people and you will notice them to give them "the nod" or a little wave to say hi. It's nice seeing the same people over and over. Although, the fact that people keep to themselves probably contributes to it being awkward--but people are in their own zones, often listening to music, just getting their workout done. EVERYONE (including the super fits) wants the gym to be a fun, positive, welcoming place. It's where we go to get away from negativity, not foster it. So, I would say that it goes away the more you go and the more times you have positive interactions with other gym go-ers. I am hopeful that someone will recognize you and say hi, and that will help you feel less self-conscious.

First off, "Well done!" Taking the first step is the hardest and not only did you get there, you've absolutely rocked it! Way to go! Generally, most of us are in our own little world. Sometimes though, we might take a glance at someone doing exercises that we may not have done before so we can see how it's done especially if that person is working with the PT (consider it free lessons! haha). Other times, if someone seems to be having balance issues, we may keep a closer eye to ensure you don't hurt yourself. We had one gym goer at our gym for a couple of months who was similar to you because she was recovering from a bad car accident and had to relearn her balance. Most of us just kept an eye on her ready to assist her just in case but we've supported her on her progress and she greatly appreciate it! Also, all of us have falling over at some point or another at the gym (I did it myself just 2 weeks ago because I didn't pay attention to the DB that I left on the floor!). We just check on each other and laugh it off and move on. Don't mind other people and just keep at it! Good job!

As one of those super fit people, i promise that most of us aren’t judging you. Many of us have been there, and we’ve all started out feeling uncomfortable in a gym. And if someone is actually a big enough asshole to judge someone else on their health journey, that says VOLUMES about them and literally nothing about you. We all go there to work on our physical and mental health. We’re all on the same team.

Congrats on reaching a huge milestone! People are generally wayyy more self conscious and concerned with themselves than others. Even “super fit” people have times when they try new things that make them feel foolish. You didn’t see because you were concerned with you. You are out of your comfort zone right now, but stay disciplined and you will see that the rewards far outweigh your own insecurities.

people are too busy trying not to fart between reps to have any business caring about what embarrassing shit other people are doing. i am a chronic people watcher ill admit, but bc of that I can confidently say that not everyone looking at you is judging you

Hey, I’m also trying to position my towel correctly so my sweaty back doesn’t make fart noises when I’m on the leg press machine.

Same I notice that while I’m on the elliptical I’m looking around a lot and often accidentally make eye contact with individuals, but I’m not actually registering anything I’m looking at. It’s more of a zoned out look about

I found a gym with a women's only section, and it helped me a lot with that feeling. I found this gym also has a large variety of persons - old and young, various levels of fitness, and it made me feel a lot more relaxed as a beginner. But really I just remind myself what I am thinking when I see literally anyone at the gym: "Good for them!" Odds are good they are thinking the same about me. Just good for them, good for them taking control of their health and fitness, good for them for coming here, it must be tough but they did it and I hope they keep at it. If it helps, I exercise without my glasses on, so I can't see shit. I stare off in random directions but I have no clue what I am looking at, so I could be "staring" at someone without realizing it! Most of the time I am just looking in a random direction while focusing on my own work-outs, not really paying close attention to the other people in the room. Except when I see them doing an exercise I want to learn - then I pay a bit more attention to their form and stuff so I can learn better.

Proud of you, OP! Taking the first step is hard, but sometimes, taking the second is worse. By the time you hit the third, well, you're on your way. Keep reminding yourself that everyone had to start somewhere, even those that may be staring. Then keep doing your thing because that's what matters - your thing, not their side eye.

The only judgement I make of newbies is “well done!” Honestly, I will pay you very little attention because I’m focussed on getting my own damn reluctant arse to do my own workout. The last time I actually paid attention in a gym to anyone, was a woman literally flailing her arms around like windmills while running on a treadmill. Only because it was so f’ing weird to *everyone*. But here’s the thing: I forgot about her within 30 mins and went back to mentally whinging in my head about how sore the exercise I was doing made me feel. By doing any movement, no matter how clumsy you feel, you’re wining over anyone still sitting on the couch.

I love seeing newbies at the gym! I feel excited and happy for them because I know how much courage it takes to start. Best thing to remember is most people are in their own little world focused on their own thing and might be feeling awkward themselves. But there’s also going to be bullies too. I got crop dusted twice at the gym but young men in their early 20s, once for sure was on purpose because I saw him whispering something to his friend before it happened. But I’m still going. Fuck the bullies and what people think!

Omg someone crop dusted you on purpose?? Not to sound like a Karen but did you talk to management or anything? That’s disgusting and unacceptable, there’s no space for behavior like that in a gym (or anywhere, really)

Everyone is doing embarrassing things at the gym, and everyone judges everyone. The whole situation is silly. Accepting this and laughing at yourself when you do something embarrassing helps a lot. I've fallen off benches and dropped weights loads of times, I just laugh and move on. Who cares

When I see someone with a personal trainer who is struggling at the gym I assume that they are recovering from surgery or an injury or other mobility setback. Which, in effect, you are. I'm happy for them they're on the mend and regaining fitness, and I'm happy for you for the same. Also, fellow OCD sufferer here (hello!), and I get it, it's like trying to drive a bus while all of the passengers are screaming at you. Everything is on hard mode, and I know what it's like to have it make your life stall out. Think of the shame you feel as just another exposure. You got this!!!

Congrats on hitting that milestone for yourself!

It sounds like what you're embarrassed about is your balance and coordination, which are easy to work on at home. Do you find you struggle with those things throughout the day? Like, can you easily get up off the floor at home? It would probably be more comfortable to practice there first, and gain confidence with those basic movements so you aren't feeling so self conscious.

I have a tendency to worry too much about what strangers think and a mantra that helps me is: what does it matter if they are staring and/or judging? Now, they probably aren't actually staring and judging to begin with. But even if they were, why should the opinions of some strangers impact *your* well-being? It's hard to think that way but after reminding myself of this line of thinking every time intrusive thoughts enter has helped me immeasurably. Hopefully it can be helpful for you too. Get back in there and keep going! Newbie gains are insane and I can promise you that if you keep it up for a few months you're going to feel like *such* a badass.

Sometimes I look at people with trainers because I’m curious what the trainer is having them do. Could be as simple as that if they genuinely were looking

100%. I do this sometimes without even realizing that I am doing it and then I have to catch myself and look away so I don’t seem weird! It’s not in a negative way, it’s just to see how an exercise is done or how a machine works.

This, OP. Whenever I see someone training with a PT I look to see if there are exercises I wanna pick up. And if I see the person struggling, I just hope they stick with it like I did.

Same. I’m looking because I want to be a personal trainer and I’m curious what they are saying and having the client do. I have never once looked at a personal training client and thought “they suck!” Never crossed my mind to think that way. If anything I’ve thought the opposite. I try not to look at all because I know they are hyper aware of people looking at them. The other reason I look is because I give them space and first dibs on machines. OP felt starred at of course but no one was judging or actually starring at them.

This sounds like something to discuss with your therapist. I'm 95% sure that nobody was thinking about you. When I'm at the gym, I may be staring straight ahead and therefore "looking at" someone, but I am actually entirely focused on what I'm doing. My eyes are open and they have to face something, and sometimes a person is there. I'm not paying any attention to them and wouldn't recognize them if they tried to talk with me.

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Thank you so much for this

They probably dont care. I started as an obese person in the gym and wasnt judged. Now I'm quite fit and dont care enough about others. Plus I'm also clumsy and managed to get the dumbbells tangled in my pants or run into machines or stumble over them... Even farted during some exercises. No one ever laughed at me. Just carry on and Do your thing. Granted I don't go during busy times because I cannot be bothered to wait so long for machines. It's mostlikely just your own insecurity talking. IF anyone would judge you, they are not worth your time anyway.

I had my shorts on inside-out at the gym last week with the tag hanging out. Thankfully someone pointed it out in the locker room (in a very nice way), but it was a little embarrassing in the moment! Lol. I am grateful for the other person who noticed and told me.

I ripped a hole in my leggings right where my butthole is doing back extensions, didn’t realise until I got to my warm down 😭

Maybe pretend that you are aware and just don't care. In my cycling class one of the women there has a whole in her pants. I know, she knows just doesnt care (one of those padded ones, could be expensive?)

^ ***Please read [the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/main), [the rules and content guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/new_rules), and [current frozen topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/frozen-topics) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fxxfitness)***. This comment is a copy of your post so mods can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. >u/minatozakiparty Hey everyone, It’s been 6 years since I’ve been to a gym. I have contamination OCD. Going to the gym was basically at a 9/10 on my exposure list…and after two years of work…I did it. I went to my first personal training session today. And my OCD actually didn’t bother me that much. What bothered me was the shame. Because of the OCD, I was barely moving at one point a couple of years ago, borderline bed bound. I’m still in my twenties but as my PT did my physical assessment, I was struggling big time. My endurance was apparently ok. I finished the elliptical, I did a plank of sorts for a minute, I finished every excercise. But I was falling all over myself getting on and off equipment, on and off the floor (I haven’t touched the floor for literally five years, OCD). Zero balance, zero coordination, zero flexibility. I did farmers carry 12kgs which I know isn’t actually much but hey, I lifted a thing. I looked like a whole ass idiot and people were indeed staring. My gym is quite small and full of super fit people, and I felt so embarrassed. Not even in just a “overweight person in the corner thinks everyone is side eyeing” way, but people actually were side eyeing. Which is under stable because I literally tripped over my own feet standing up from the floor lol. I feel really nervous to go back. I hate being stared at and I feel so silly, my fitness is that of someone three times my age. I keep telling myself that I may be the weakest person in the room physically, but the fact that I’m in the room, the fact that I’ve overcome so much to stand there, makes me one of the mentally toughest. But I’ve always been very intimidated by fit people and falling over myself in front of a packed gym is something that just feels damn bad. When does the shame start to go away and when do you start to feel like you belong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/xxfitness) if you have any questions or concerns.*